"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides." - Time Tested Beauty Tips
There was something so very fragile about Doritha's beauty and even as a child Kid had known it. The way she saw everything around her as something she wanted to put into her purse and keep it just so it would live forever it made him want to do the same for her.
She'd talked about marrying someone big and strong for weeks and so he'd married her with every inch of his childish heart on his sleeve.
Now standing over her grave he wondered. What had he done?
How could he have run away and never looked back.
Wasn't she everything he'd wanted… would ever want?
The sun in Virginia was more beautiful in his memory than he had ever seen anywhere else. The way it gilded her curls, the crown of gold that was so beautiful it was all he could do not to touch it. He couldn't, when touching it might make it disappear, fall apart under his fingers like spun sugar.
He'd held her in his memory for years… hoping that if he didn't think too hard on it, the guilt wouldn't kill him inside. Hoping that she was fine… that her family didn't hate him for running away when he realized he couldn't be the man she needed, even if he was the man she wanted.
She needed a man to be her rock… to treat her like she was as fragile as the little miniatures in her dollhouse. She needed that and he wanted to be free. He didn't want to bend and break under the yolk of responsibility… at least not yet. Not until he'd seen the world... until he'd figured out if he was just like his father. If he'd turn those pent up frustrations inside into physical anger… madness.
He'd left her behind because deep down inside he wasn't quite sure that the man he'd become wouldn't be the image of his father. Wouldn't turn into the type of man he'd feared for so many years. He'd rather die than put Doritha through that. She was the type of woman that men took care of. That men coddled like glass, because she was that delicate… that soft.
And she was still so beautiful. All the struggles she'd been through. The loss of her father, marrying a man like Garth who couldn't possibly understand the care she needed, moving west where the sunlight didn't do justice to the beauty of her hair… the smile in her eyes… the delicate lilt of her voice… nothing here could have done her justice and in the end she'd been the one to break under the pressure of a world she wasn't ready for. A world that didn't care about the beauty of her heart.
This world was full of pain and bullets and anger and Doritha didn't deserve it. She should have been put in a house and kept there just the like the dolls she kept… a miniature world safe and delicate for her to live in.
Now standing over her grace he wondered… What didn't I do? Why didn't I save her from this? Why didn't I go back to Virginia and take care of her like I said I would?