A/N: I would like to thank my excellent beta Dee, whom I couldn't have done without. Thank you!

Chapter 1

Emma hummed softly to herself as she prepared for the night. The rain drummed against her window, making traces on the surface, which reflected the soft light from the candle on her bedside table. She looked wistfully at the book, hoping to be able to read a few pages before sleep overtook her. It had been a long day. The rain had made the trails muddy. Teaspoon had stopped all rides until the weather got better after Kid had returned covered in mud, explaining that the trails south were washed away.

For the first time in weeks, all riders were at the station and unaccustomed to the overcrowded bunkhouse, there had been several disagreements and toes stepped on. For Emma, it had been a constant rush to settle disputes and calm over-heated emotions. Now, a quiet evening with a good book and a good night's sleep seemed like paradise.

She sighed contentedly as she removed her shawl from her shoulders and hung it on the chair, when somebody knocked loudly on the front door. Muttering something about her riding troublemakers, she wrapped the shawl around her and with the candle in her hand she marched to the door.

"Can't you even go to bed without starting a ruckus?" she stated as she flung the door open.

Immediately she stopped in her tracks. On her porch wasn't one of her riders. On her porch stood a young girl, drenched to the skin, with a sullen expression on her face. Water dripped from her dark hair, which hanged in wet ringlets around her face, onto the boards creating a puddle of water. She was pale and dirty and her clothes had seen better days. However, she stared defiantly at Emma with gray eyes that had seen more than her young age gave an account for. Emma was stunned for a few seconds, before she found her tongue.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with a frown. A young girl shouldn't be out wandering in the middle of the night.

"My name's Rawnie. I'm looking for my uncle," she replied. "Aloysius Hunter."

*~*~*~*~*

Emma took the coffee pot off the stove and filled the two cups on the kitchen table before seating herself. Picking up the cup, she carefully blew on the hot coffee before looking at the man opposite her.

"So, is she who she says she is?" she asked gently.

Teaspoon shrugged. "I have no reason to doubt her story," he said tiredly. "For all I know, it might as well be true. My brother and I went our separate ways 18 years ago, and she can't be more than - what, sixteen or seventeen years old."

He thankfully accepted his second cup of coffee for the night. It felt almost like an eternity since Emma had come to get him from his shed. Over a cup of coffee, he and Emma had heard the young girl's explanation as to why she had appeared on Emma's doorstep in the middle of the night.

Rawnie hadn't said much, except that her mother was dead and that she was looking for her father, Logan Hunter. Her only lead had been her mother's stories about her father and his older brother, Teaspoon. When she had found out where Teaspoon was after a long time searching, she had taken the last of her Mama's savings and traveled to Sweetwater. She had run out of money buying the stagecoach ticket, so she had walked the long way from town out to the station.

Upon hearing this, Emma had immediately sent the girl upstairs to get out of the wet clothes and into bed, explaining that they would sort everything out in the morning. However, still curious about Teaspoon's brother since she had never heard the stationmaster mentioning anything about any relatives, Emma had offered Teaspoon another cup of coffee after the girl had left them.

"You think your brother left them?" Emma asked with a hint of a frown.

"Logan was always in trouble," Teaspoon confessed. "I did my best to keep him out of it, but I'm afraid I failed. It wouldn't surprise me if he had."

"So do you know where he is now?"

Teaspoon turned away and gazed out the window for a second, reminiscing about the past. It wasn't too long ago he had received the letter informing him of his brother's death. He turned back too Emma.

"He's dead. He was sent to prison for shooting a man in the back and was killed in a ruckus inside the prison only three months ago."

Emma looked sympathetically at him. She reached out and placed her hand over his. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"It didn't come as a surprise." Teaspoon smiled wearily at her words. "I wish it would have been different, but some things in life you can't change." Something in his words, told Emma he was feeling guilty and she smiled at him.

"You know, she can stay her for as long as you like."

"Thank you, Emma, I appreciate that. I guess I better find a way to tell her that her father is dead first. Then we'll see what we can do. Maybe some of her mother's relatives can take her in, or we can find a place for her to stay. A Pony Express station ain't really a place for a girl."

*~*~*~*~*

Rawnie carefully rose from the top of the stairs where she had been eavesdropping.

So her father was dead. Well, she hadn't really expected anything else. From what her mother told her, he'd been nothing but a troublemaker and there had never been any love between them. He had paid for her services - enough for her to stay as his kept lady for six months until he ran out of money and headed out.

When she had told Emma and Teaspoon her story, she had deliberately left out that her mother had been a prostitute. Her mother had occasionally spoken of her father, certain that his family was rich. In fact, that was one of the reasons why Rawnie had looked him up. She needed money and she had no wish following in her mother's footsteps. She had seen what happened to women who sold their bodies. Eventually they sold more than a few hours of their bodies, they sold their souls. She had gazed in the empty eyes of older prostitutes, seeing the lack of life in there and vowed never to end up like that. And the only way out was with enough money.

She felt a deep disappointment when she finally had stood face to face with her uncle. He certainly didn't look rich and he apparently wasn't even the owner of the ranch. The young woman was. She shrugged. It didn't really matter. She wasn't welcomed here; that much she had realized from listening in.

She bit her lip hesitantly. It would have been nice to find somebody who cared for her. Part of her, a part of her that she tried not to acknowledge, desperately wanted to find a family, a family that would stand by her no matter what. Well, if her uncle didn't want her around, he didn't have to worry. All she wanted was whatever money she could get and she'd be on her way. She quietly made her way back to the guestroom as she tried to ignore the black stone that had settled in her chest.

Chapter 2

"Rawnie? Are you awake?"

Rawnie rolled onto her left side, pushing up with her elbow, and wiped the sleep from her eyes. For a second she wondered where she was, and then the memory of yesterday came back to her. Her uncle. She had found her uncle and the voice belonged to the woman who had let her into the house as her guest. Quickly she sat up in the bed.

"I'm awake," she called back, looking around for her clothes. They were hanged over a chair and they were still wet.

Emma stepped inside, carrying a bundle of clothes in her arms. She smiled warmly at the young girl. "I brought you some clothes. I figured yours must still be wet. Did you sleep all right?"

Rawnie nodded. "Fine, thank you," she said hesitantly, uncertain how to respond to the woman's friendliness. She already knew that they wanted her to leave, so in her heart she thought the friendly gesture to be a waste of time. Anyway, she couldn't afford to be friendly back or attach herself to any of these people. She already knew of the pain that caring for somebody could lead to, after all, not even her own mother had wanted her.

"While you get dressed, I'll be over at the bunkhouse, preparing breakfast. Why don't you join me there and you'll meet the boys as well. They're a bit rowdy, but they are good boys." Emma smiled at her as she, disapprovingly, noticed the scrawny arms and legs protruding under the nightgown. 'The girl certainly needed some food,' she pondered.

"The boys?" Rawnie frowned.

"Oh, this is a Pony Express station. Mr. Hunter is the stationmaster. For once most of our riders are here due to the rain, so it might be a bit boisterous over breakfast."

Emma left and promised herself she would make sure the boys behaved. The girl looked a bit apprehensive at the thought of meeting the riders, and she could understand it. They were good boys, but they were boys and, depending on what kind of life the girl had lived, boys could be intimidating.

Rawnie frowned as she looked at the dress Emma had placed on the bed. It was nice enough, she decided, but it wasn't her. It was a pretty dress and she had never been pretty. Her mouth was too small and her eyes too big for her face, not to mention their dull gray color.

She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her mother had been beautiful once, but Rawnie only remembered her as tired. Sure, men had looked after her mother as she had walked down the street, but the looks had always embarrassed Rawnie, since she knew her mother loathed it.

"It ain't me," her mother used to say with a scorn, "it's what I do."

Anyway, Rawnie was neither interested in men or boys. In her experience, all they did was use women and for once, she would make certain she was not taken advantage off, uncle or no uncle. She inhaled and told herself she was here for the money and slipped out of the nightgown and into the dress. She was a bit too skinny for it, but she had to admit it didn't look too bad on her. Emma certainly had style, she concluded. She realized she was hungry and mustering what courage she had, she marched down the stairs, her head defiantly held up high. No boy would scare her.

*~*~*~*~*

"Teaspoon's niece? He never said anything about a niece?" Jimmy looked inquiringly at the housekeeper.

"He didn't know he had one until yesterday," Emma explained. "Would you please get out of my way, Jimmy? I'm trying to fix breakfast here." Luckily for Emma, Teaspoon chose that moment to walk in the door and Jimmy fastened his eyes on the stationmaster.

"You never told us you had a brother," he said with an eyebrow raised inquiringly at the stationmaster as he sat down with the others. All eyes turned to Teaspoon as they waited for him to reply.

"We parted ways a long time ago, Jimmy," was the reply.

"Are you sure she is your niece?" Jimmy asked. It was odd for a girl to travel alone, and trust had never been his strong side.

"I'm pretty sure. There are certain similarities and I believe her."

"What happened to your brother?" Buck interposed. The Kiowa believed strongly in family ties and the white way of breaking such bonds was a bit disturbing for him.

"He died four months ago. Listen, boys, I know there are a lot of questions going around in your heads right now, but the fact is that she is here, and as far as I know, I'm her only relative. She's gonna be staying here until we get things sorted out and I want you to behave."

"He's right you know," Emma put in as she brought in the bread. "Rawnie is our guest and you better treat her as such." She slapped Cody's hand as he reached for the bread. "That includes your manners at the table," she added, raising a threatening eyebrow at the disgruntled offender.

Cody ignored the look and leaned back. "Is she pretty?" he asked, unmoved.

He didn't receive an answer as the door opened and Rawnie, with her hands clenched at her side, stood in the opening, looking at them with uncertainty in her eyes. Teaspoon smiled warmly at her. He rose and placed an arm over her shoulders. She wanted to cringe at the touch, so unaccustomed was she to gentleness, but she managed to stop herself.

"This is my niece Rawnie," Teaspoon introduced her. "Rawnie, this bunch of rough'uns is the proud riders of the Pony Express."

Chapter 3

She leaned back on the swing on Emma's porch. She felt a bit overwhelmed after the day. There was so much to think about. The boys had been nothing but friendly, even if she suspected that several of them were suspicious of her. She would have been had she been in their shoes.

Especially the small one, Lou, had stared at her behind his glasses and the rogue of the bunch, Jimmy, had barely been able to hide his mistrust. Well, she could live with that. It was harder to accept the friendly smiles and greetings from the others.

The Southerner, Kid, had been every inch a gentleman, showing her the stables when she had ventured inside after breakfast, and the silent one, whose name she had learned was Ike, never let her pass without a friendly smile on his lips. Then of course there was Cody, ready behind every corner with a joke or a stunt, anything to get her attention. She was sure it wasn't so much for her sake as for the opportunity to show off. She had to admit he had made her laugh, though.

Then there was the Indian, or half blood. She had purposely kept out of his way, and she had a feeling he did the same. She'd never really seen many Indians, except a few who had apparently taken to the white life and worked as hired hands at the ranches around the town where she grew up. She only remembered them as quiet, glum and somewhat intimidating when they came into town on payday. Occasionally one of them had too much to drink and there was a brawl, but that happened almost every payday, so she never paid much attention.

But of all those she had met, the one she feared most was Emma. She had a feeling the older woman could see right through her. She nervously touched the fabric of her skirt. Emma would be out with a cup of tea any minute now, and for once Rawnie didn't know what to do.

A steady drizzle still fell, but it was nice to sit under the roof on the porch. She could barely make out the silhouettes of two riders trying to fix a leak in the roof of the barn, or the man standing beneath them, yelling instructions. She found herself wishing she were included in the group working, for, although Teaspoon might sound harsh, there was concern in his voice and she knew he was merely there to see to it that they didn't fall down or get harmed in any other way. Nobody had ever cared about her that way, not even her mother.

Emma's voice startled her a bit and she looked up as a steaming cup of tea was held out before her. She mumbled a soft 'thank you' before she bent over the cup, sipping the hot liquid. She more felt than saw Emma sit down next to her. She heard Emma telling her about Sweetwater and the weather, but all she could do was mumble non-committing responses. Sooner or later the hard questions would come, and Emma would know she'd been lying about her mother and her reasons for being here. She closed her eyes for a second. 'Just get some money,' she thought to herself. 'Just get enough money so you can get out of here. You're not wanted.'

Emma stopped talking and stole a quick glance at the girl. She had been silent for some time now and Emma wondered what was on her mind. There was more to this girl than she had let them believe; a sadness in her that she did her best to conceal. Emma had seen it despite the girl's efforts to hide it. Behind that sullen countenance and the harsh surface was a scared, little girl and Emma was determined to get to know her too.

"How did you find Mr. Spoon?" she asked, finally getting the girl's attention.

"Huh?" Rawnie looked up and found she was looking into Emma's friendly eyes.

"I asked how you found our Teaspoon?"

"Oh. I heard some people talking about it, that's all. Guess I was lucky."

"Where did you hear this?" Emma asked gently.

"I don't remember," Rawnie shrugged.

She couldn't tell Emma that it was one of her mother's customers who had told them about Teaspoon's whereabouts. She was not wanted here and there was no reason to add contempt to it.

"Oh," was Emma's only reply. She knew the girl was hiding something, but it was too early to push her. Besides there was more sad news for the girl. She looked up as she saw Teaspoon walk up to them. Emma rose.

"I believe Teaspoon would like to speak to you," she said. Turning to the stationmaster, she continued, "Would you like some coffee, Teaspoon?"

Teaspoon nodded and removed his hat as he stepped up on the porch and Emma left them. Teaspoon pulled up a chair and seated himself opposite Rawnie,

"I hope everything is well?" he asked.

"Yes, everyone has been very kind to me," Rawnie said.

"Good," he mumbled. "Well, Rawnie, there is something I must tell you." He scratched his neck. "I know this must come as sad news for you, but I'm afraid your father, my brother, is dead."

Rawnie bowed her head. It wasn't a surprise to her, and she tried to arrange her face into a sad look. "Oh," she said.

"I'm sorry." Teaspoon placed a hand on her arm and squeezed it lightly.

"How did he die?" Rawnie asked.

Teaspoon sighed. She would find out sooner or later, but for now he preferred a somewhat less cruel answer.

"He was involved in a fight somehow. I don't have the details. I'm sorry, Rawnie. I know you wanted to meet him."

"Well, that's life ain't it?" she said lightly. She hesitated for a second. "Did he ever ask about me?"

Teaspoon looked out over the yard before answering. "We lost contact before you were born. I wish I could answer you, but I can't."

Rawnie swallowed. She had told herself she would not be hurt, but it did. Her father had not cared about her, so much was clear. Well, she had asked for it, hadn't she? She decided not to ask about him again. She bit her lip tentatively.

"Did he... leave anything? Like a keepsake or something?" She looked at Teaspoon. "Even if I didn't know him, he was still my father. I would like to have something to remember him by."

Teaspoon felt his heart fall. His brother had not left anything behind except heartache and it hurt him to think about it. Heartache and two lost children, who by some chance had ended up with him. 'It was true,' he pondered, 'blood was thicker than water.' This girl was his family and, no matter what he thought about his brother, he owed her.

"Rawnie, my brother was not God's best child. He was in a lot of trouble and when he died he didn't have anything. I'm sorry, I really am. Do you have any relatives on your mother's side?"

Rawnie shook her head. She didn't know anything about her mother's family and she didn't care.

"Anyway, I want you to know that you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. I'm your uncle and I wanna be here for you."

Rawnie looked at him and nodded. 'Liar,' she thought, 'you don't know how fast you can get rid of me - well I'll show you.'

Chapter 4

It had stopped raining and the runs were back on schedule. The boys had gotten use to Rawnie's presence and she to them. Well sort of anyway. She tried to stay out of their way most of the time, but since there was not much else to do at the station she had taken the opportunity to watch them.

Part of her wished she had something to do, some smaller chores for Emma perhaps, but she had to remind herself that she would be leaving soon, so it was better not to be too involved. Instead she spent her days strolling around the station or on Emma's porch, reading. Neither Emma nor Teaspoon had said anything about her not helping and this only confirmed her suspicious that they didn't want her here.

She didn't know that all Emma and Teaspoon had intended was to give her some time to grieve for the father she never knew and get use to her new situation.

She had learned some things about the station, some useful, some just information. She knew there was a hole in the back of the henhouse and that Ike occasionally snatched an egg through it to feed the puppy he had hiding in the barn. She knew Emma knew of it, but didn't say anything.

Ike normally stayed around the animals, as if he found them more social than the people around him. She could understand that. Animals didn't lie, nor did they base their opinion of you on what you looked like or where you came from. She knew Ike couldn't speak and that when he removed his bandanna, he lacked hair, but she didn't know why. Kid had said something about scarlet fever, but she'd never heard of scarlet fever removing your speech.

Anyway, Ike had never been anything but kind to her, so she didn't care about him being mute, or hairless, for that matter. You couldn't help liking Ike. She had seen him taking care of the animals with a tenderness she didn't think a man could possess, and besides, he always smiled at her when she ran into him. Two days ago she hadn't been able to stop herself from smiling back, but even that had not changed anything. Ike still respected her solitude and did not impose himself on her.

However Cody was a different matter. Sometimes she felt like a prize in a competition and Cody was the only contestant. She often wondered if he had no chores to do, since he always managed to find her, offering to show her the sights or simply trying to impress her. He hadn't been unfriendly, but he was a bit obnoxious. Still, she found herself missing his company when he was on a run. He didn't let life get complicated, or he didn't care. Rawnie wasn't sure, but he took her mind off the harder things in life, like the thought of how long Teaspoon would let her stay. Cody was easy to understand, she thought. She didn't think Cody really cared about her, but it was nice to get the attention. At least he made up for the coldness that she experienced from Jimmy and Lou.

She had quickly decided she didn't like Jimmy, mostly because it was obvious he didn't like her. She generally tried to stay out of his way. In one way, she thought it was sad, since she could identify with him. He, too, had a defiant stance and seemed to enjoy solitude now and then.

She had more trouble with Kid. Kid was too good to be true. Nobody could be that polite so, out of sheer frustration with his helpfulness, she had yelled at him once. He had merely smiled at her sympathetically and, at that moment, she disliked him even more. She disliked his easy manners and his relaxed, outgoing way and how he always offered to help her. She knew he wanted something from her, all men did, but her trouble was she couldn't figure out what. She found it harder to avoid him, though, but she had noticed that he tried to stay out of her way when Lou was at the station.

Lou, there was someone she couldn't figure out. She had caught Lou's hostile stare on occasion, especially when Kid was around her. There was something odd with Lou, but she couldn't put her finger on it. On one of her evening strolls, she had noticed Kid and Lou having what seemed like an argument, and although she couldn't hear any words, there was something familiar about how they acted. She had seen it before, somewhere.

Besides, she thought it strange. She had never seen boys solve their problems in discussions, not without them ending in a fight. Maybe the others gave him some slack since he was the smallest of the riders. 'They did seem to look out for him,' she pondered. 'Like he was their little brother, or something.'

All of them were as tightknit as a real family, and she had no part in it. Even Buck fit in. A halfbreed was able to be part of a family and not her. Thoughts like that went through her head as she sat on Emma's porch and watch the riders jealously. Sometimes she had thought to ask Emma for some chores, but it always ended with her being silent. 'Why would she work for them?'

Chapter 5

Rawnie turned a page in the book, trying to find interest in the story. She had been at the station for more than three weeks now. Emma was inside, boiling jam or something, and the riders were trying to break in a horse. Rawnie, as usual, did nothing. She watched, seemingly uninterested, how Buck slowly led the horse around to calm it down. There was something about Buck that puzzled her, although she couldn't put a finger on what it was. She let her eyes follow him, when Teaspoon walked up to her.

"Hello, there," he said friendly. "Do you find that interesting?"

"The horse breaking? Guess it's all right," she said.

Worried, Teaspoon looked at her. He didn't know much about girls, or what interested them and her disinterest was something he didn't know how to handle.

"Well," he said hesitantly, "I'm going to go inside and talk to Emma." He nodded and left.

Rawnie continued with what she had been doing the last hour - nothing - when the words from Emma and Teaspoon floated through the door Teaspoon forgot to close.

"Don't you think it's time the girl starts doing something useful around here?" Emma asked.

"I don't want to pressure her, Emma. She's been through a lot, and she needs some time."

"You're overprotecting her, Mr. Spoon. I think she would be better off if she lend a hand around the house."

"I'm not so sure Emma. You have to remember she came here looking for her father and she just found out he was dead. Besides, I've been asking around and there might be a family in Boulder who can take her in. Now, Boulder is a real town with, you know, coffee shops and such things. More appropriate for a young lady..."

Rawnie decided she didn't want to hear any more and quickly rose. She had known she would have to leave so why was it so hard to breathe suddenly? Without looking back, she rushed down from the porch and ignoring the riders rounding the bunkhouse. Therefore she never heard Emma's last sentence.

"Have you asked what she wants to do, Mr. Spoon, instead of planning her life?"

*~*~*~*~*

*What's the matter with her?* Ike signed as he watched Rawnie walk away.

"Miss Fancy probably had enough of the horse smell," Jimmy muttered. "Come on now, Cody, I've got two bucks which says you can't stay on for more than two minutes."

Cody watched after the girl. "I dunno," he said. "It looks like there's a young lady that might need a strong shoulder to lean her head on..."

Jimmy groaned. "Come on, Cody. If she needed comfort, which I doubt, your shoulders aren't broad enough for a chicken to rest his head on - now git up on that horse!"

"Shut up, Jimmy," Kid said. "She did look a bit upset. Maybe somebody should talk to her?"

"Why don't you do it then, if you're so eager?"

Kid hesitated and Jimmy saw it. "Oh, I forgot," he said teasingly. "Lou might be back any minute now, won't she?"

*I'll go,* Ike signed and pushed past the others, following Rawnie.

He found her standing behind the bunkhouse staring out over the plains. He slowly walked up to her and placed a hand on her arm. When she swung round, he smiled at her.

*Are you OK?* he signed as his face reflected the question.

"I'm fine, if that's what you're asking," she replied.

Ike's face turned sad.

*There's no need to be angry,* he signed and shook his head.

"That's none of your business," she said angrily, not even bothering to explain she didn't understand the sign. "I never asked for you to care about me. Why don't you go back to taming that horse, or whatever you were doing."

*I just want to help,* Ike tried.

"I don't need your help," Rawnie spat back with all the disdain she could muster. She wanted to take back the words as she saw the hurt in Ike's face, but it was too late.

Ike swallowed the pain her words caused and shrugged before turning away. If she didn't want any help, then it was her decision. He frowned as he walked away. She reminded him of somebody, especially when she was grumpy, but he didn't know whom. 'Probably Teaspoon,' he pondered. After all they were related, so it would only be strange if they didn't have any similarities.

Chapter 6

Teaspoon stared at the few keepsakes he had of his family. It wasn't much. He hadn't thought about them much until Rawnie showed up. He hadn't thought of them at all. The fate of Logan still weighed heavily on him. If he had done something else, if he had tried harder, then maybe everything would be different. He wanted to make things better for Rawnie, but he wasn't sure on how.

He had no idea of what a young woman wanted out of life, but he expected she wanted a nice place to live, friends and maybe a young man courting her. Emma had been upset with him earlier, claiming that he didn't listen or ask what Rawnie wanted, but he wasn't sure on how to do that.

She seemed like a determined young lady and it was obvious she was not happy being at the station. She had probably expected more than this. He didn't know what her mother had told her about Logan, but he was quite sure it wasn't the truth. Logan had his moment when he could be a real charmer and he had been a handsome fellow. Teaspoon had always said he had got the looks in the family. He could have been anything, had he not been so angry at life and everything around him.

Teaspoon sighed where he sat on his cot and reluctantly placed the few items back in the box. It was late and most of the riders were either in bed or playing cards in the bunkhouse. The late night card games were something Teaspoon had failed to stop. It was normally initiated by Cody or Jimmy, but as Teaspoon stepped out of his shack, there was only a feeble light coming from the bunkhouse and he hoped this wasn't a card game night. He hated having to yell at the riders for taking naps during the day instead of doing their chores. He took out a cigarette and finding a suitable place he sunk down by the wall, enjoying its smoke. Sitting in the shadows, he was almost invisible and, deep in thought, he sat in silence.

*~*~*~*~*

Rawnie was feeling lonely.

She knew the others thought she was a spoiled brat, since she didn't help out at the station, but then nobody had asked her had they? She felt somewhat bad because she had yelled at Ike, but he had no right meddling in her problems. Why did he even care? It wasn't as if she would be staying.

She sat by the window in the guestroom in Emma's house and stared out over the yard. She saw a soft light in the bunkhouse and wondered what they were doing. She felt like an outcast. She didn't belong here. She would never be a part of their life, so why was she wishing she were with them? Was it because there was real friendship among the riders, bonds that she never had had herself and a trust that her mother would have called foolish. "Trust only get you pain," she had said on numerous occasions and Rawnie had remembered it.

Rawnie felt as if a belt were tightening over her chest. It didn't matter how many times she told herself not to get attached. She desperately wanted them to like her; she wanted Teaspoon to like her. Nobody had ever cared much for her and despite her somewhat tough attitude she felt like a lost little girl inside.

Grabbing the coat from the chair, she tiptoed out of the house. She needed fresh air and a break from her depressing thoughts. She would leave soon, anyway, to that family in Boulder or wherever. She already knew what it would be like. They would look on her as a charity case and expect her to be grateful. And when they found out where she came from, they would throw her out. She had been there before.

She walked with quick steps through Emma's garden and watched the open plains. She wanted to take a long walk, but she was scared for what the open plains hid during the night. Besides, she could get lost. She bit her lower lip. Maybe a quick walk around the barn would help her collect her thoughts.

She set off at a quick pace, but she hadn't walked further than the corral when she stopped. She wasn't alone. Buck was standing in the corral; gently caring for the horse they had been breaking earlier. Rawnie had no wish to speak to anybody, and was just about to turn around when Buck turned his head and saw her.

Rawnie stood frozen to the ground not sure of what to do. It felt stupid to turn around now that he had seen her and she didn't know what she would say if he said something to her. So she just stood there, waiting to see what he did. Buck turned to the horse and gave her a final pat and, with what seemed like a sigh, he walked up to where Rawnie stood by the fence.

"It's a bit late to be up, isn't it?" he asked curtly. He had intended to sound friendly, but Rawnie's gruff behavior towards Ike had left him angry.

"That goes for you too then," Rawnie retorted.

Buck looked at her with a frown.

"Why were you mad at Ike earlier?" he asked. "He hasn't done anything to you. He was just trying to be friendly."

"I didn't ask for him to be friendly." Rawnie turned to walk away, when Buck reached out and placed his hand on her arm. She turned her head and looked sternly at him.

"Why are you always so angry?" he asked. "We haven't done anything to you."

"Of course not," she said. "Don't worry, I won't be staying long. Then you all can go back to be your own happy little family."

"You're leaving?" Buck hadn't heard anything about that and was a bit surprised. He let his hand slide from her arm.

"Well, you didn't think I would stay here forever, did you? I know when I'm not wanted." Rawnie turned away from him and left.

Buck watched after her, her words remaining in his mind. They reminded him of how he felt just before he left the Kiowa. For a second, he felt for her, knew how hard it was not to feel wanted, but then he remembered how badly she had treated Ike. He shrugged and walked back to the bunkhouse.

*~*~*~*~*

Teaspoon took a deep breath. He had forgotten to breathe. First he had only seen Buck caring for the horse and had smiled at the horsemanship the boy had been taught by the Kiowa. Teaspoon also took pride in the gentle handling he observed, satisfied that whatever anger had fuelled his younger brother didn't seem to be present in the son. He hadn't wanted to disturb the moment between man and horse, so he had leaned back into the shadows.

Since he hadn't heard Rawnie approach, he hadn't noticed her until Buck had walked up to her. Teaspoon's blood froze. He had watched them talk but he was too far away to hear any words. He had seen Buck's hand on Rawnie's arm and from that moment he stopped thinking. Part of him tried to be reasonable and he told himself there was probably a natural explanation to the nightly meeting. But another part of him saw something else, a secret meeting between a boy and a girl and suddenly he was taken back several years to when life had been less troublesome and there had been love in every girl's smile.

He had known the tug of a young heart and no matter how he tried to convince himself he had been mistaken; he could not remove the knot in his stomach. The uncertainty continued to grow as he ended his cigar and went to bed. He tossed and turned as the doubts assailed him. Finally he came to the conclusion that the reason for their meeting didn't matter. The suspicion was enough. Somehow he had to prevent them from meeting, if for nothing else than to stop things from escalating, to stop them from falling in love. And he had to do it without telling them the truth. Without telling them they were brother and sister.

He suddenly wished that he had the answer from the family in Boulder in his hand. He would hate to send his niece away, but it was for the best, all things considered. For a second, he thought about telling them the truth, but the terrified face of Buck's mother appeared in his mind. How could he tell Buck that he was the one who had brought his brother to Kiowa land, that it was his brother who had committed the act of violence that had resulted in Buck's mother's shame and the boy's birth?

He couldn't.

He took a deep shivering breath. He needed to think clearly, but all his thoughts were muddled. 'Just get a few hours of sleep,' he thought to himself, as he finally gave up and closed his eyes.

Maybe everything would look better in the morning.

Chapter 7

"Rawnie? Would you mind taking a walk with me?"

Rawnie looked up from her book and at her uncle standing by the railing to the porch. She looked at him, half expecting him to withdraw the question at any minute. When he remained where he was, she glanced around as if to see if there was something lurking around the corner. But all she could see was the sun-baked ground between the bunkhouse and the barn, Lou and Ike doing their best to fix a break in the fence around the corral, the sound of Jimmy chopping wood behind the barn, basically there was nothing threatening at all. She hesitated for a second, but when she couldn't come up with an excuse, she nodded. Teaspoon smiled at her and offered her his arm.

"I thought we could walk down to the stream," he suggested with a smile.

Rawnie shrugged and nodded again. Teaspoon had never asked her to go for a walk before and she suspected he had a reason for it this time. She wondered how long it would take before he brought it up.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, and then Teaspoon began pointing out different types of grass and plants to her as well as those few animals they encountered. Finally he managed to work up the courage to reach what had been on his mind.

"Well, Rawnie, do you like it here?" he asked.

"It's fine," Rawnie said non-committingly.

Teaspoon smiled weakly. "I know it's not what you might have expected, but I've got some good news for you."

Rawnie braced herself. She already knew what the news where - he was sending her away. Well, she wouldn't break down and cry over it, that much was clear.

"There's a family in Boulder," Teaspoon continued with a hint of nervousness. "Pete Mason is an old friend of mine, and he and his wife have made a good life up there. I believe he's running a small business of some sort. Anyway, they said you were more than welcome to come and stay. There are a few things for them to arrange first, so I'm waiting for them to write me, but I don't see there will be any problems. There's some sort of lady's school there as well, and I will pay for your education. I'm sure you'll find everything you need there, seeing as there are several shops and these small coffee houses..."

Rawnie had stopped listening. She didn't care about all those fancy things she could find or do in Boulder. Why didn't he just tell her the truth? That he couldn't wait until she was gone from his life. That was the story of her life, so she had been foolish to think it would change.

For a second she wondered if he knew, if he knew that her mother had been nothing more than a prostitute and that Rawnie herself had spent part of her childhood as a petty thief, sneaking into the rooms at the brothel and stealing customer's money. If he knew, then it could be the reason for him sending her away.

Maybe he was lying to her - maybe when she got to Boulder, there wouldn't be anyone there for her. She would not be able to return to Sweetwater on her own, at least not for some time. Unconsciously she straightened her back. It didn't really matter, she tried to convince herself, she could take care of herself. She would survive. She suddenly realized Teaspoon had stopped talking.

"I'm sorry?" she said at the realization that he had asked her something.

"I asked you what you thought?" Teaspoon repeated with a slight frown.

There was something about the girl that made him suspect she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of leaving. Teaspoon couldn't understand it. She had made it perfectly clear she wasn't too happy at the station and he could only see one reason for her hesitation. She either was or was on her way to becoming involved with somebody and the most likely one was Buck. He couldn't let that happen.

"Is there something I should know about?" he asked quickly.

"What do you mean?" Rawnie was surprised at the question.

Teaspoon looked embarrassed.

"I know we don't know each other that well yet, but..." Teaspoon cleared his throat. "Well, you're a beautiful girl, Rawnie, and I know boys can be a bit...well, just say that they don't always think with their heads, especially when there's one girl staying with them and the town is a ride away. Do I make any sense?" he concluded with a hesitant smile.

"You mean courting," Rawnie said shortly.

"Yes, that's what I mean," Teaspoon said with relief. "Courting. Well, what I was saying is that I don't want you to get hurt. My boys are nice boys, but they are just that; boys. And with you leaving and all, I figured it was best I talk to you before anything got serious, that's all."

Rawnie looked desperately at her uncle. What was he talking about? She wasn't seeing anybody, so why did he act as if she was? She didn't know what to say. Part of her felt hurt, she certainly wasn't beautiful and the only one ever paying her any attention was Cody. For a second she pondered if it was the blond rider's attention that had lead to Teaspoon's little sermon, but that thought ended when Teaspoon continued.

"I happen to see you and Buck last night," he said softly. "Now, there's nothing wrong with the boy, but I still think it wouldn't be the best idea for you to start seein' each other, romantically that is."

'Buck?' Rawnie thought and then it dawned on her. It wasn't so much what Teaspoon was saying it was what he didn't say. He didn't want her to see Buck. That was it - all the other stuff about not seeing any of the boys was just smoke, or he would have talked to her earlier about Cody. There was something about Buck that had created this heart-to-heart talk to his niece.

A cynical smile passed over her lips as malevolent thoughts began to invade her mind. She didn't care about why he didn't want her to see Buck - she was sure he had his reason. What was more important was that he had given her a way to get back at him for sending her away, for hurting her. She had really no reason to listen to him; after all he was just like everybody else. Nobody wanted her and now she really longed for a chance to hurt him as he had hurt her. Lowering her head to keep it hidden from her uncle's scrutinizing eyes, she nodded.

"I see what you mean," she said sweetly.

Teaspoon sighed with relief. "I'm happy you do," he said and gave her a quick hug. "Now, shall we start back towards the station? I'll tell you about how I got lost not twenty feet from my shed once in the worst blizzard this country had seen in ages..."

Chapter 8

"Somebody got a good eye for you," Cody said grinning and gave Buck a friendly slap on the back.

Buck frowned at him. "What are you talking about?" he muttered as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Cody sat down on his bunk next to Buck and proceeded to pull off his boots. "Rawnie - that's who I'm talking about," Cody informed him.

Buck stopped with his shirt in his hands. "I still don't know what you are talking about?" he repeated as the other riders, preparing for the night, turned to them.

"Didn't you see her smile at you today? She's been doing that for the last couple of days now - and she never smiles at anybody."

Buck turned away from Cody and hanged up his shirt. "You're mistaken," he muttered.

Cody smiled. "Wish I was, but I don't think so. I'm telling you she's sweet on you."

"How do you know, Cody?" Lou interrupted, seeing Buck's predicament over suddenly being in the focus. Buck never talked about girls and with Kathleen Devlin all too fresh in everybody's mind, she could understand his hesitation.

"Because I do, Lou," Cody said softly as if he was teaching a child. "A man with my expertise can see when a woman is interested in a man - been the subject of that myself."

Jimmy snorted from his bunk. "Admit it, Cody," he smirked, "you're just jealous that after all that pursuing you've done, she still doesn't see you."

"Jealous?" Cody turned to his constant opponent when it came to bickering. "Jealous?"

Lou hid her smile behind her hand, when she realized Cody for once was speechless. In fact, there was nothing he could say. Saying that he wasn't interested in Rawnie would be futile, since all of them had seen him prancing around her, and admitting he was jealous would just make Buck the winner. Cody spun around to look accusingly at her, which only increased her mirth. Jimmy and Ike joined her, and even Buck had to smile.

"Never mind," Cody muttered and threw himself on his bunk. "I was just saying she's sweet on Buck, that's all."

Nobody cared to respond to his comment and, when Ike blew out the last of the lights, silence settled in the bunkhouse. A gentle snoring soon broke the silence as a well-deserved sleep fell over the riders, all except for one.

With Cody's words still ringing in his ears, Buck found it hard to find a suitable position to sleep in. He had noticed that Rawnie smiled at him, but had so far put it down to just chance. He had never said more than a few words to her, and the most he had said was in anger over how she had treated Ike. There was no reason for her to smile at him. There were several reasons why he should be the last person she would smile at.

Cody's comment, innocent as it seemed, had made him unsure. What if Rawnie really had smiled at him? What should he do then? He didn't like her; he didn't even know her. Still, there was a part of him wondering if he could like her if he got to know her. If she could like him, then he could like her, couldn't he? A small ray of hope leaped in his heart at the thought of somebody to care for, somebody who cared for him. After Kathleen, he had sworn never to carelessly fall in love again, but then his heart had never fully complied with his intentions. With a sigh he pulled the blanket over his shoulder and turned to the wall. Pondering the situation would not solve it.

*~*~*~*~*

The morning chill sent the riders shivering as they emerged from the bunkhouse for the early chores. Buck pulled up the collar of his jacket and put his hands in his pockets as he headed towards the barn to feed the horses. He was almost done, when Ike entered the barn.

"You're done?" Buck asked casually as he carefully moved Cody's horse to the side so he could fill its trough.

Ike nodded his response and leaned on the next stall, looking at is friend.

"What's on your mind?" Buck asked with a frown as he stepped out and closed the door to the stall.

Ike shrugged and turned to him. *Well?* he asked.

"Well, what?"

*You know, what Cody talked about last night.*

"Rawnie?"

Ike nodded with a smile in his face.

Buck shrugged. "What about it?" he asked casually.

*Aren't you interested in knowing if she likes you?* Ike asked innocently. There was nothing more he wanted for his friend than to find happiness and he would do anything to help.

Buck shook his head. "Cody's mistaken," he said as he finished feeding the horses.

*Are you sure?* Ike insisted.

"Even if he would be right, there's nothing I could do about it," Buck said. "Why are you so interested anyway? After how she treated you, I would think she was the last person you'd have me seeing?"

Ike shook his head sadly. Sometimes the others were too quick to pass judgment on other people. *She's just scared," he signed. *Wouldn't you be, if you arrived here, with nothing more than the clothes on your body, looking for somebody you'd never met?*

"That doesn't apologize for her behavior," Buck muttered.

*Just give her a chance,* Ike winked and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. *Come on, breakfast must be ready by now.*

Chapter 9

Ike's words were on Buck's mind for the rest of the day. He was still uncertain of what to do, but for the first time he didn't dismiss the friendly smile Rawnie sent him after breakfast. He was almost on his way to respond, when he thought better of it and simply nodded. He helped Jimmy get ready for his run and saw him on his way.

After lunch, Ike was sent off and with Kid still on a run, a sense of tranquility lowered itself over the station. Emma took Lou with her into town, and Cody managed to do one of his disappearing acts, leaving Buck to tend to the chores. He still marveled over how much there was to be done at the station. Not that he complained, he had never shunned hard work, but some of the chores seemed incomprehensible to a boy who had grown up among the Kiowa. He smiled to himself when he thought about what his brother would have said about some of the chores, chopping wood for example. 'Women's work', Red Bear would have snorted and there was a time when Buck would have agreed. But the white world worked differently than the Kiowa and he saw nothing to grumble over.

'Except perhaps Cody's uncanny ability to disappear', he frowned. The blonde rider had a peculiar knack for when he could disappear without Emma or Teaspoon noticing. Buck finished chopping and placed the last logs on the pile next to the barn wall where the roof protected them from rain. Wiping his hands on his trousers, he turned around and saw Teaspoon occupied in mending a bridle. For a second he contemplated walking over to the man, taking a few minutes of rest for a chat, but then his sense of duty got hold of him and he walked into the stable.

Rawnie watched from the garden where she had found herself a hidden spot. Cody had tried to ask her out for a picnic earlier, but she had firmly refused and sent him on his way. She hadn't seen him for some time, but undoubtedly he had sneaked away somewhere where he could get a nap or even do some fishing. She carefully watched her uncle and, when she was sure he was completely occupied by his chore, she silently got to her feet. With one eye on Teaspoon, she carefully sneaked over to the barn. Outside she hesitated for a second, but then she remembered Teaspoon's wish to send her away. Ignoring the old man's wish would only be just punishment for treating her like that. With a last glance over her shoulder, she walked inside.

It was darker in the barn and it took her a few seconds to adjust her eyes. When she had got used to the soft light she could make out Buck at the other end, pushing some hay bales into a stall. She slowly walked up to him.

"Hi," she said as she leaned over the stable.

Buck looked up, bewildered. He had not expected her to show up and her presence suddenly made him feel uneasy.

"Hello," he replied, a bit of uncertainty in his voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Cleaning out the stable," Buck muttered and continued. He wasn't sure what she wanted and he wasn't even sure he wanted to know.

"Must be tiresome," she offered.

"Has to be done," he replied curtly.

Rawnie sighed audibly. He was more stubborn than a mule. 'She was just trying to be friendly, wasn't she?'

"You're still mad at me?" she asked, now with a little more edge in her voice. At least that got his attention.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a frown.

"Because I yelled at Ike that one time. You're still mad?"

"I ain't mad. You didn't have to yell at him, that's all," he muttered and returned to his chore.

"Well, he had no right meddling in things," she replied in the same tone. "Besides, what is it to you? You're his guardian or something?"

Buck stopped working and looked at her, something akin to anger in his eyes.

"He's my best friend and I don't want to see him hurt, especially...," he stopped before finishing the sentence. Rawnie frowned at him.

"Especially someone like me? That what you mean?" she asked angrily and hurt. Suddenly all her original intentions were gone and she just felt like leaving. 'Nobody had the right to treat her like this - especially a half-breed!' Tears threatened to fall and she turned and started to walk away.

Buck stared after her, suddenly feeling guilty. He had hurt her and it hadn't been his intention. It wasn't her fault Kathleen Devlin had broken his heart; it wasn't her fault he was distrustful of women. Basically, he had been rude to her, and he felt bad. Something Ike said echoed in his mind about her just being scared. He bit his lip and then dropped the hayfork and rushed after her.

"Rawnie, I'm sorry," he said apologetic as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Rawnie quickly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse. This wasn't exactly how she had planned it and she silently cursed her own weakness. Adjusting her face, she took a deep breath and turned around.

"I'm sorry I yelled at Ike," she offered back.

Buck smiled hesitantly at her as he removed his hand. For a few seconds they just stood there in awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say.

"I better get back to work," Buck finally managed. Rawnie nodded. Buck nodded back and turned, wondering if he should say something else. Not coming up with what, he simply let it go and returned to the stable.

Seeing him walk away, Rawnie suddenly remembered her original mission and quickly walked after him.

"Buck," she begun, "we really got off to a bad start, didn't we?"

Buck shrugged. "You might say that," he admitted.

"Well, can we forget that?"

Another shrug. "Don't see why not."

"Friends, then?" She stretched out her hand.

Buck hesitated for a second, but then he reached out and took her hand. "Friends," he confirmed.

Rawnie smiled at him. "Emma left some lemonade in the kitchen, if you would like some?"

Before Buck could decline, as this friendship went a bit too fast for him, they were interrupted by Teaspoon.

"Rawnie? What are you doing here?" His voice was filled with hesitation and disbelief and Rawnie smiled gleefully to herself.

"I was just asking Buck if he wanted some lemonade," she replied innocently. "Would you like some too, Uncle?"

"Naw, I'm fine," Teaspoon stuttered. 'Hadn't he told the girl to stay away from Buck?' He tried to tell himself that seeing them was probably just as innocent as the girl's explanation, but there was something he couldn't put his finger on. Suddenly he caught Buck staring oddly at him and he quickly arranged his face into a smile.

"Thanks anyway," he smiled at the girl and then quickly changed the subject. "Buck, have you seen Cody today?"

Buck shook his head as he tried to hide a smile. If Cody didn't show up in the next few minutes, Teaspoon would have his hide.

Rawnie saw the change of subject as her cue, so, with a friendly nod towards Buck and a smile as she passed Teaspoon; she quickly let herself out of the barn. It hadn't exactly gone as she had planned, but at least Teaspoon had seen them together and that was enough. In fact, she was more than pleased. She had managed to upset her uncle and she wasn't interested in Buck, at least not in any romantic way. Being friends seemed to do the trick anyway and it would mean less complications.

Chapter 10

Teaspoon watched after Rawnie, uncertainty haunting his mind. 'Was it as the girl had said or was there another reason behind her visit?' Surely enough he had her promise, but he knew from his own experience that promises where easily made and broken when love was at stake. He turned to the young rider, but there was no clue to what had occurred in Buck's face. The urge to know suddenly became too great for him.

"What did Rawnie want?" he asked.

Buck stared at the stationmaster with surprise. He had expected Teaspoon to ask him if he knew about Cody's whereabouts, and certainly not what Rawnie had wanted. He squirmed uncomfortably under Teaspoon's gaze. He had no wish to reveal his hard words or Rawnie's behavior towards Ike. He chose the easy way out.

"She just wanted to know if I wanted some lemonade," he replied with a shrug and picked up the hayfork. Therefore he missed the hint of fear in Teaspoon's face.

"That's all?"

Buck looked up and nodded, still confused over the situation.

Teaspoon, realizing he wouldn't find out anything, nodded. "When you see Cody, tell him I want to see him, will you?" he concluded.

"Will do," Buck replied quickly and returned to his chore.

Teaspoon hesitated for a second, but then he turned around and walked out, more worried than he was ready to admit, even to himself.

*~*~*~*~*

Teaspoon looked with dismay at the letter in his hand. Pete Mason's wife had taken ill and he was forced to tell Teaspoon a change of plan. Teaspoon's niece, although much welcomed, couldn't be offered a place at this time. Pete was hopeful that maybe in a month or two, when his wife was on her feet again, they could see about taking care of the girl.

Teaspoon felt a hint of panic rise in his heart. For the last week he had witness several encounters between Rawnie and Buck. On the surface perfectly innocently, but they were enough to place a thorn in Teaspoon's heart for every time he discovered them. His one hope had been Pete Mason and now that had been taken away from him. He sunk down on his cot, staring at the letter. What was he supposed to do now?

'You could tell them', a voice inside his head stated.

He closed his eyes. Tell them. It sounded so simple, so easy. All he had to do was to confess to whom his brother really had been, to what he had witnessed so many years ago and then take responsibility for it.

But what would be the consequences?

Rawnie would find out what kind of person her father had been.

How would she take it?

Teaspoon had a feeling that Logan had left her mother with a very different view of who he was, but then again Logan had left both Rawnie and her mother. Maybe he was worried for nothing - the girl might already resent her father for leaving.

Buck was another matter.

The boy seldom spoke about his life among the Kiowa; in fact, it was only in answering a direct question they had learned about his brother. Teaspoon held no illusion about how it had been. A child born out of violence, violence inflicted by a white man no less. Teaspoon was sure Buck's life hadn't been easy, and he would hate to make it worse.

And then there was Logan and his own guilt to face as well. If it were hard to tell the children of their father, it would be even harder to reveal the sorrowful truth about Logan, and, in the extension, about himself.

He couldn't tell them.

There just had to be another way.

An easier way.

He lifted his head and stared up at the roof as if the answer to his dilemma would present itself.

"What am I to do," he muttered into the solitude of his shed. "Damn it, Logan, why did you have to leave me in this mess?"

The answer came immediately to his mind; 'Because you owe him it. You left your brother to fend for himself, now it's time to make it up for his children.'

Chapter 11

"What's this place?" Rawnie asked as Buck stopped the wagon.

"We usually go here when we have a break or need to cool down," Buck replied with a shrug as he placed the brake in position.

Rawnie climbed down and looked around the small pond and the shadowing trees surrounding it.

"I can see why," she stated and turned to face Buck. "Thanks for taking me."

"You said you needed to get away?" The statement was more like a question.

"Sorry," Rawnie muttered and looked away. "I just needed to get away. I thought I was going to die from boredom at the station."

Buck was just about to tell her she could have helped with the chores, but wisely held his tongue. He had seen Rawnie upset before and had no wish repeating the experience. He wasn't even sure why he had agreed to take her away from the station. They talked on occasion, on everyday things, like the weather and such, but they had never really taken any steps towards friendship, and even less something more romantic.

He felt unsure of what Rawnie really wanted and part of him told him to keep as far away as possible from the girl. Yet something kept him from turning her away. Ike had interpreted this to him liking Rawnie. He had even cornered him with the question and when Buck had hesitated for a second, Ike had simply smiled broadly at him and left. Buck knew Ike was sure he liked Rawnie, but he himself wasn't so sure. She was stubborn and there were things about her that really irritated him, and yet...He shook his head at his own confusing thoughts. She was just a friend, that's all. Buck walked up to her.

Rawnie was looking around and frowned at the scenery before her.

"Never knew there could be a place like that here. I always figured the plains were more...you know...dry."

Buck shook his head softly at her lack of knowledge. "The plains are dry only during the dry season," he explained. "In spring it can be covered with flowers."

"Flowers? You're kidding right?"

"No. My mother used to pick them and then dry them. She used to place a small bag of dried flowers in the tepee during winter and..."

Buck abruptly stopped talking. He hadn't intended to tell her about his family, but somehow it had just slipped out.

"That sounds nice," Rawnie admitted and glanced at him.

His face was turned away from her and suddenly she felt sad. It had all started out as a game, but now she really wanted him as a friend. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about him, that oddly enough, reminded her of herself. A tensed silence settled between them, and Rawnie felt obligated to break it.

"My mother only cared for flowers if they were expensive," she stated unemotionally. "A friend of hers had an herb garden. I used to sneak into it in the mornings just to smell those herbs." She smiled at the memory. "She had a row of lavender and I used to brush my hands through it." Then she frowned. "Silly, isn't. I used to think it would help me through the day."

"It doesn't sound silly," Buck said.

"Well it was." There hadn't been anything that could have saved her from the harsh reality of the brothel her mother had worked at.

They continued to walk in silence until Buck indicated a small grass covered hill shadowed by some trees. Walking up, they sat down. They had a nice view of the pond and the plains behind it. Silence settled again between them. Rawnie picked up a grass straw and stared chewing on it. At the sight Buck couldn't help to smile.

"What?" Rawnie said defensively.

"There's no doubt you being Teaspoon's niece," he grinned. "You've got his habits."

Rawnie held up the grass straw and looked at it as if she noticed it for the first time. She frowned and threw it away.

Buck stared in shock at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked tentatively.

"Nothing," Rawnie replied although everything about her posture told Buck otherwise.

"You and Teaspoon don't get along?" he tried carefully. Even as he spoke the words he felt how ridiculous they sounded. Teaspoon had his full respect and trust. That he could have turned his back on his own family didn't exist in Buck's world.

"You're kidding? He can't stand me," Rawnie spat.

"That's not Teaspoon," Buck said defensively.

"Really? Then you tell me why he wanted to have me sent away."

"I don't know," Buck admitted. "Maybe you misunderstood him. Teaspoon wouldn't give up on his family."

"Maybe not you, his adopted family," Rawnie said bitterly. "I'm not so sure about his real family, though."

Buck shook his head. "Teaspoon's not like that."

"Well, his brother had no problem leaving a pregnant woman," Rawnie said matter-of-factly. "And he abandoned his own brother - he said it himself. And how many wives has he had? Six? How many of them were abandoned do you think? I wouldn't be so sure he wouldn't abandon you eventually if I was you."

For a few seconds Buck was speechless. He disliked her for talking about Teaspoon the way she did, and yet there was a bit of bitter truth to her words he couldn't ignore. He didn't want to hear it. It took time for him to trust somebody. He had been let down too many times, but when he finally allowed himself to feel confidence in another, few things would break his loyalty.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said finally. "Teaspoon earned my trust and it will take more than an angry girl to change my mind."

"Suit yourself," Rawnie replied carelessly. Buck looked at her.

"You never knew your father?" he asked.

"Nope. Your precious Teaspoon's brother ran as far as he could when he realized there was a child on the way."

"Then how did you know about Teaspoon?" "When he was seeing my mother, he apparently kept talking about his big brother and all their adventures. She repeated them for me. Constantly telling me I had a rich father out there."

"Rich?"

"He lied about that too, obviously."

"If you think they're so loathsome, why did you look Teaspoon up?" Buck asked with a frown.

"He's all I got left. Figured it couldn't do me any harm looking him up. Not that it matters now. Guess I'll be on my way in a few days."

"Do you want to go?"

Rawnie shrugged. Part of her wanted to tell him that she really wanted to stay, that all she had been saying was a lie. All she cared about was for Teaspoon to care about her as he cared about the riders. She would even settle for having him yelling at her. But then it was not for her, so why would talking about it help?

"If you don't want to go, you should tell him...," Buck tried.

"It's all been arranged, Buck. Besides I know when I'm not wanted."

"I think you're overreacting," Buck said gently.

"Been there before." Rawnie shrugged and turned to him. "You never felt unwanted here?"

Now it was Buck's turn to avert his eyes. "Once," he admitted.

"What happened?"

"The Kiowa raided the way stations and I was scared the others would get in trouble over me."

"And they made you feel unwelcome," Rawnie observed.

"It wasn't their fault," Buck defended his friends. "It was my decision to leave."

"What did Teaspoon do?"

"He tried to talk me out of it."

"He told you to stay?"

Buck shook his head. "He said I had a family at the station, but he respected my decision."

Rawnie frowned. "You're saying you left? Then what are you doing here?"

"My brother told me to return."

"You went back to the Kiowa? And your brother sent you back?"

Buck nodded. "My heart belonged here. If you try, maybe your heart will tell you where you belong too."

Rawnie laughed a heartless laugh. "Well, I ain't got a brother to help me out, so I guess I'm a lost case." Then she looked a bit jealously at Buck. "You're lucky. You got a family here, and one among the Kiowa." She rose. "You don't know what it's like to be alone."

Before Buck could response she looked out over the plains. "Guess it's time we got back," she stated and headed down the hill.

Buck rose and followed her, unsure of what to say. He had felt lonely most of his life, but somehow he wasn't sure Rawnie would believe him.

Chapter 12

Teaspoon looked in amazement at the mess before him, before his eyes wandered towards the culprits.

"What happened?" he asked exhausted. Jimmy and Cody looked at each other, but as always it was Cody who managed to get his mouth going first.

"We didn't mean to..."

"To what? Ruin one month worth of grain?"

"You told us to fix the roof," Jimmy reminded him.

"Fix the roof yes. Not pouring tar all over the supplies!"

"It was an accident, Teaspoon," Cody said defensively.

Teaspoon was not in a mood to listen. He had enough worries on his mind. He hadn't seen Buck or Rawnie for some time and it worried him and together with the letter from Mason, he was getting a headache. The obvious carelessness from Jimmy and Cody that might very well cost them a good sum of money was just the last drop. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the different explanations coming from the two riders.

"That's enough!" he shouted, causing both Jimmy and Cody to step back. "Now, I want to see this place cleaned up within one hour and then you can start cleaning up outside, starting with the woodpile and then the bunkhouse. Now git!"

"But...," Cody begun as Jimmy held him back.

"Not now, Cody," he whispered.

"Not another word, son," Teaspoon warned and walked outside. Behind him he could here Cody's whining voice.

"It ain't fair, Jimmy, anybody could see it was an accident..."

Teaspoon squinted against the light as he stepped outside; shielding his eyes from the sun with is hand. He had a splitting headache and if he hadn't been so worried over what might happen he would have headed over to his shed for a nap. Right now he needed to know the whereabouts of his niece and nephew. He saw Ike pulling a wheelbarrow before him crossing the yard.

"Ike!"

The boy stopped and looked as Teaspoon approached him. Ike just had to take one look at the older man to see he was angry and he smiled weakly at him.

"Where's Buck?" Teaspoon asked.

Ike stared wide-eyed at him. *He finished his chores,* he begun.

"I didn't ask if he had finished his chores, Ike, I asked where he is," Teaspoon pointed out irritably.

*I don't know,* Ike signed quickly.

Teaspoon eyed him suspiciously but he didn't continue his questioning. Buck would show up sooner or later and it was a waste of time worrying before anything had happen. Teaspoon felt tired. Vaguely, he had a feeling he was doing everything wrong but as always, when it had come to his younger brother, and in this case, his brother's children, he seemed to let his heart rule over his head. He closed his eyes. Right now he desperately needed something for his headache or at least a cup of coffee.

With that intention, he headed towards the bunkhouse. If Emma had been home, he would have asked her for some lemonade, but she had enlisted Kid for some business in town and wouldn't be back for another hour. He would have to settle with coffee.

*~*~*~*~*

He still had a slight headache when he, an hour later, emerged from his bunk where he'd been taking a nap. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he sighed audibly and reached for his hat. Slowly walking outside, he pulled up his suspenders.

A dust cloud emerging from the open door of the bunkhouse told him Jimmy and Cody were busy carrying out his order and he smiled contently. They really weren't bad boys and if they did a good job, he might even consider apologizing to them. Ike was outside preparing his horse for the next run. He turned towards town, but there was no sight of Emma yet.

He was just about to walk over to Ike for a last minute advice to the boy, when the wagon caught his eye. It must have arrived as he emerged from his shed, but instead of driving it up to the house the two youngsters had stayed slightly behind the barn, hidden from the others eyes.

"Thanks for the trip," Rawnie said as she accepted Buck's hand before climbing down.

"It was nothing," he mumbled back as Rawnie took the last step onto the ground.

"It was for me," she said with a smile and pressed his hand gently. "I really needed to get away."

"I just hope you feel better," Buck replied with a slightly embarrassed shrug.

Still neither of them had let go of the others' hand. Somehow it just felt right. It felt safe and comfortable, but both of them knew that in a second or two it would feel embarrassing. Buck was the first to try and break the unexpected bond, when Rawnie leaned forward, her face mere inches from his.

"Thanks," she whispered and for a second Buck feared she would kiss him.

Rawnie might have had that intention but in the last second she turned and simply gave him a peck on the cheek. She quickly withdrew her hand and with blushing cheeks she turned and briskly walked towards the house.

A bit stunned Buck remained where he was until one of the horses' tail hit him on the chest as if to remind him they were still hitched to the wagon. It brought him out of his petrified state and he slowly began unhitching the animals.

Chapter 13

Teaspoon couldn't believe his eyes. It was as if his worst nightmare had come true. He should have known he had every reason to be worried. His headache increased and with it came anger. He had tried talking friendly to Rawnie and although he should have known words were nothing when it came to emotions, he had still hoped. Besides the girl was supposed to leave for a better life and a family. Now that option was no longer open anger seemed to be his only solution. Muttering he quickly marched up to the house. He knocked on the door and without waiting for an answer he stepped inside.

"Rawnie!" he called out, doing his best to keep his anger in check. When there was no reply he repeated her name. The second time he heard her steps down the stairs.

"What is it?" she asked a bit apprehensive at the sight of him.

"I think you know well enough what it is, young lady," Teaspoon said sternly. "I thought we had an agreement."

"About what?" Rawnie replied defensively and slightly arrogant.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I thought we agreed you would not be seeing Buck."

Rawnie shrugged, while inside she smiled gleefully at how perfectly her plan had worked. Now it was Teaspoon's time to feel betrayed and left out.

"You dictated you mean," she retorted and crossed her arms defensively. "I never agreed to anything."

"Well, that's over now. I don't want to see you anywhere near Buck from now until you leave, is that understood?" Teaspoon growled.

Rawnie paled slightly but stood her ground. Even though her original intention had been to hurt and anger Teaspoon, she felt she had almost found a friend in Buck. Suddenly she knew she didn't want to loose that fragile bond hopefully beginning to grow between them.

"You have no right telling me what to do!" she yelled back. "You're not my father."

"As long as you're staying here, you will do as I say," Teaspoon retorted angrily as he stared at her.

Red spots of anger and frustration were slowly appearing on her cheeks and her eyes were no more than slits in her face. In her anger she was a copy of Logan and Teaspoon felt an old frustration return. He had never been able to talk some sense into his brother, how would he manage with his child?

"Why do you even care?" Rawnie spat. "You've disliked me from the moment I showed up, so why should I even listen to you?!"

"I do care," Teaspoon said through clenched teeth. "And I'm telling you to stop seeing Buck. Is that clear?"

Rawnie stared sullenly at him. Teaspoon took a step towards her.

"I asked if that was clear?" he said curtly.

"You're just like everyone else," Rawnie muttered. "I don't even know why I even bothered to stay here."

"Well now you are."

Rawnie looked at him. This was not at all how she had expected it to turn out. She had expected him to be hurt and kindly ask her to listen to him, or even be a little angry with her, but not this. Not this angry. She didn't care about him, so why did she feel ready to cry?

"You can't stop me from seeing Buck," she tried once in a last effort to stand up against him.

"Go to your room," Teaspoon ordered. "I don't want to see you out of there for the rest of the day."

"You can't..."

"You want me to lock you in? And don't think I wouldn't do it. I'm tired of this nonsense right now. Go."

There was something in his voice telling her it was no longer a game. Teaspoon was serious. She quickly turned and rushed up to her room. She slammed the door behind her in a final defensive argument.

Teaspoon sank down on a chair by the table. He hadn't meant to loose his temper with her, but she reminded him so much of Logan, the same stubbornness, the same anger and he didn't know how to handle it. Something inside him kept telling him he was making the same mistake all over again, but he didn't know what else to do. And there was one more he had to talk to.

*~*~*~*~*

Buck carefully brushed down the horse and when the animal playfully nibbled after him, he struck it lightly on the neck while muttering a soft reprimand. He had a strange feeling of comfort, although he didn't know why.

The trip with Rawnie hadn't exactly been all enjoyable. The girl seemed to have a lot of issues to deal with, but even so - there was something. A feeling of kinship perhaps. He couldn't explain it, but he was happy they were talking to each other. Actually it felt strange having somebody being jealous of his life for a change.

He smiled softly as he once more was forced to shoo the playful horse away. At the sound of steps he looked up. He smiled when he saw Teaspoon, but the smile faded away when he saw the displeased look in the stationmaster's face.

"Something wrong, Teaspoon?" he asked as he turned to face the older man.

"Where have you been, son?" Teaspoon asked, trying to keep his voice at a normal level. He had already yelled at Rawnie and yelling at Buck would not make things any better.

"I took Rawnie for a trip to the pond," Buck replied truthfully. "She..."

Teaspoon held up a hand to interrupt him. "That's fine," he muttered and grabbed one of the poles to the stable as if he needed the wood's support.

"Look here, Buck, I know it might seem all innocent and everything, but I want you to stop seeing Rawnie."

Buck look baffled at him. He tried to understand what Teaspoon just had told him, but it didn't make sense. He tried a weak smile to see if the stationmaster was pulling his leg, but Teaspoon remained serious.

"Teaspoon, nothing happened," he said reassuringly.

"Well, I sure as hell hope so," Teaspoon barked more harshly than he had intended. The boy's word struck a fear in him causing his chest to restrain.

"I was just trying to be friendly." Buck felt more confused after each second. He felt like Teaspoon was accusing him for something, although he didn't know what. "I don't care what you tried to be." Teaspoon's headache was back with renewed force. "I don't want to see you touch her, talk to her or even look at her. Understood?"

A tight belt seemed to be pulled across his chest and Buck took a deep breath as he stared in disbelief at the angry face of his mentor. His hand clenched around the brush he was still holding as he tried to cope with this unexpected situation.

"Understood," he said finally.

"Good," Teaspoon muttered relieved. He had no doubt the boy at least would stand by his word and the realization made him breathe a lot easier. "Good," he said again and turned around. He quickly left the barn, ignorant to the crestfallen look on his Indian rider's face.

Chapter 14

Ike made the finally preparations for his run, when Teaspoon emerged from the barn. Seeing the grim look on Teaspoon's face he quickly stepped out of his way. He had already heard from Jimmy and Cody about the obvious thundercloud hanging above the stationmaster and he had no wish getting in his way.

But Teaspoon didn't seem to see him, and marched straight on towards his shed. Ike looked after him, wondering what could have happened to send Teaspoon in such a bad mood. At the sound of another horse coming out from the barn, he turned only to see Buck finish saddling up his horse. Surprised, he walked over to his friend, but before he could reach him, Buck had swung into the saddle and galloped out of the station. Ike followed him a few running steps, but was forced to turn back as he at the same time noticed Lou heading towards the stable.

"Hi Ike," she called out as she passed him the mochilla. "Where was Buck heading?"

Ike shrugged and quickly mounted. He had no idea what had upset his friend, but whatever it was he hoped Buck would be able to handle it on his own. He spurred his horse into a gallop and with Lou's call "Ride safe" echoing in his ears he headed out.

Dusty and tired, Lou dismounted and looked around. The station seemed oddly abandoned and she frowned at the sight. She turned to the bunkhouse as the door opened slowly and Cody carefully peaked out.

"What's going on?" Lou demanded to know.

"Seen Teaspoon anywhere around?" Cody responded.

Lou glanced around and shook her head. Jimmy and Cody walked outside carefully keeping an eye on their surroundings. Lou eyed them suspiciously.

"What's going on?" she requested once more.

"Teaspoon's gone mad, that's what happened," Cody explained as he took her horse.

"What do you mean gone mad?" Lou asked as she followed Jimmy into the bunkhouse.

"He must have woken up on the wrong side this morning," Jimmy muttered as he closed the door behind him. "He's been yelling at everybody since this morning. He even yelled at Ike for nothing. He had me and Cody cleaning the bunkhouse."

"Thought it looked nicer than when I left," Lou joked as she sank down on the bench.

"This ain't no joke, Lou." Jimmy frowned at her. "I'm telling you I've never seen him this mad before."

Lou creased her brow. "Had it anything to do with Buck taking off as the devil was after him?" she asked.

Jimmy shrugged. "Wouldn't surprise me," he mumbled. "Anyway, Cody and me figured our best option was to lie low until Emma gets back from town."

"That bad?"

"Worse," Jimmy confirmed.

*~*~*~*~*

"You'll give me a hand unloading?" Emma asked as she climbed down from the buggy.

Kid nodded and quickly headed to the back of the wagon. Emma slowly removed her gloves as she looked over the abandoned yard.

"Kid? Have you seen anybody?" she asked a bit baffled.

At her question, Kid looked up and gazed around. He frowned. "It looks abandoned," he stated.

"That's what I thought too," Emma agreed. "Mr. Spoon? Boys?" she called out. She frowned as she saw the door to the bunkhouse slowly open and Lou carefully step outside.

"Lou?" she called. "What on earth is going on here?"

Lou quickly ran up to them, greeting Kid with a smile in the process. "You better keep your voice down, Emma," she advised. "We think Teaspoon might be sleeping and, believe me, waking him up is not a good idea."

"Really?"

"According to Jimmy and Cody, he's been angry at everyone today. He yelled at Jimmy and Cody for not doing their job..."

"Well, that wouldn't be the first time," Emma said with the hint of a smile.

"...and he yelled at Ike, and we think Buck as well, since he rode out of here earlier. Cody swears he heard him having an argument with Rawnie as well."

"That doesn't sound like our Mr. Spoon," Emma said.

"That's what they told me." Lou shrugged.

"Where's Jimmy and Cody now?"

Lou nodded towards the bunkhouse. "They're inside."

"Hiding," Emma stated knowingly. "Well, all right, we'll get to the bottom of this. You give Kid a hand in unloading the buggy and I'll talk to Mr. Spoon as soon as I've changed." She smiled at them as she turned to walk to the house.

"Be careful, Emma," Lou called out after her, making sure the housekeeper realized the seriousness in the situation. Personally, Lou would rather meet an angry bear than face a furious Teaspoon. 'But then I would rather face Teaspoon than Emma', she pondered as she started to unload the buggy.

Chapter 15

"Rawnie?" Emma called softly as she stepped inside. She brushed some dust from her skirt and carefully removed her hat and jacket. Reaching for an apron, she called for the girl one more time. She frowned slightly when there was no reply. She started walking up the stairs and stopped outside the girl's room.

"Rawnie?" She knocked on the door. "Are you there, Honey?"

"Leave me alone," came the sobbing reply.

The frown on Emma's forehead deepened when she realized the girl was crying.

"Rawnie, it's me Emma. Can I come in?"

Silence, except from a few sobs was her only answer. Taking the silence as an invitation, Emma slowly turned the doorknob. The girl was sprawled out on her bed, her face buried in the pillow.

"Rawnie, honey, what's wrong?" Emma asked gently as she pulled up a chair to the bed. The girl continued to sob into the pillow. Emma soothingly and tenderly stroked her hair.

"He hates me," Rawnie sobbed without looking up.

The pillow muffled Rawnie's voice so it was hard for Emma to distinguish the words. "Who hates you?" she asked softly.

"I've ruined everything. I didn't mean for it to be like this."

"Rawnie, you haven't ruined anything. Come on, sit up and tell me what happened," Emma pleaded.

"I always mess up everything."

"Rawnie, I understand you're upset right now, but nothing will get better by you lying here crying," Emma said firmly. "Now sit up and tell me what happened."

Rawnie slowly rose. Grabbing the pillow and clutching it in front of her, she wiped the tears off her cheeks. Emma handed her a handkerchief, which she accepted gratefully. She loudly blew her nose and took a shivering deep breath.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Now can you tell me what happened?"

Rawnie snuffled and wiped her nose. "I didn't mean for him to get so angry."

"Who? Teaspoon?"

Rawnie nodded. "I just wanted him to see me. I guess... I wanted him to care...Nobody ever cared for me before and when I saw him with the riders..." Rawnie inhaled, and tried to steady her voice. "I should have known it was useless. I mean, why would he care? He never heard of me or my mother."

"Honey, he cares more than you know," Emma said trying to comfort her.

Rawnie shook her head. "He doesn't want me here. And then he told me I should stay away from Buck...and at first I just wanted to make him angry..." She sobbed and a tear that ran down her cheek was hastily wiped away. "But then Buck was really nice and I thought it wouldn't be so bad having him as a friend...but then Teaspoon got real mad and now he's made Buck mad at me too..."

"Shhh, hold it, honey. Are you telling me that all this is about you seeing Buck?"

"I ain't seeing him. He's just been a friend. I never thought he'd be so angry about it. He said if I didn't do as he said he would lock me up." The tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks, but Rawnie no longer cared about wiping them away. Talking to Emma calmed her down in a way she never could have imagined. "I'm sorry, Emma," she repeated. "I didn't mean to cause all this trouble."

"Don't worry," Emma replied and pulled the girl into a hug. "It ain't you who've been causing any trouble," she added firmly. It seemed she needed to have a talk with her stationmaster and the sooner the better.

*~*~*~*~*

"Mr. Spoon!" Emma's call suddenly brought all of the riders to the window, just in time to the see the delicate housekeeper march resolutely towards Teaspoon's shed.

Cody whistled softly at the sight and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Kid asked.

"Emma is going to take on Teaspoon. I'm not missing this for anything in the world," Cody replied and before he had even opened the door there was a general rush for the porch.

Watching in tensed anticipation the riders gathered on the porch. They were doing their best to act uninterested as their eyes followed every one of Emma's steps. Emma saw them and stopped in her stride. Raising her chin slightly she looked at each of them.

"Kid! Do me a favor and hitch up the buggy for me, please." It was not a question and Kid quickly moved to follow the order out. After a final glare at the boys, she continued. Without hesitation she banged on the door to Teaspoon's shed.

"Mr. Spoon!" she repeated. It took only a minute for a slightly disoriented Teaspoon to open the door, hatless and his suspenders hanging from his trousers.

"Emma? What is all this about?" he asked as he lazily scratched his chest.

"I could very well ask you the same. Get dressed, Mr. Spoon. You and I are going on a trip."

"A trip? Where?" Teaspoon stared in confusion at the composed woman before him. Despite her calm appearance there was a fire within her. Teaspoon had a feeling that this trip, whatever it was, wouldn't be pleasant for him.

"Get ready," she replied and turned to walk over to the buggy Kid was bringing forward. She didn't even wait for his reply. Grateful that the worse part of his headache had disappeared, Teaspoon slowly turned around in search for his hat.

At the buggy, Emma turned to face the riders. "What are you gawking at?" she asked unfalteringly. "Get inside and start preparing for supper. That goes for you too, Kid. Jimmy, you're in charge of the cooking."

Extremely disappointed, the group slowly walked inside, but they knew better than to argue with Emma. In silence, they watched out the window how the odd couple, the small and frail-looking woman and the older rogue, headed out from the station. As they disappeared out of sight, the tension lifted from the station and they all breathed easier.

"Wonder what all that was about?" Jimmy asked.

"Beats me," Cody replied. "I'm more worried about supper. Jimmy, you will make something eatable this time, right?"

Jimmy just stared at him and frowned. Kid turned from the two only to find Lou still staring out the window. He walked up to her.

"Lou? What is it?"

"Huh?" she said, disrupted from her thought.

"I just wondered what's on your mind?" Kid repeated.

Lou shrugged. "Nothing special. Just wondering what happened, that's all."

"Guess we won't find out until they're back."

"Maybe not," Lou replied cryptically. "Emma was all right until she came out of the house. It's only logical that the other person there would know what is going on."

"You mean Rawnie? I think it's better we leave everything as it is," Kid suggested. "Besides it ain't our business..."Chapter 16

The stone hit the face of the rock with a sharp sound, much to the satisfaction of the thrower. Another stone quickly followed in its path, hitting the same spot with deadly accuracy.

Buck had been an expert at the stone throwing game when he was a child and his skill hadn't decreased. Unfortunately it did little to cheer him up and after the tenth or eleventh stone he sank down on the rock he'd been standing on.

He was both angry and confused and the mixed emotions were frustrating.

Teaspoon had yelled at him and Buck wasn't sure he deserved to be yelled at, since he hadn't done anything wrong. He had already finished his chores and Rawnie had asked for a favor so he had simply helped her out. All he had done was take his employer's niece for a trip.

Because she asked him!

All he had wanted was not to be rude. 'If Teaspoon was worried about his niece he should be concerned over Cody,' Buck thought sullenly. He hadn't seen Teaspoon corner Cody about the blonde rider's constant efforts to ask Rawnie out.

But then there was a big difference between him and Cody.

Cody wasn't half Indian.

The thought caused him to inhale deeply. Teaspoon was not like that. But the doubt lingered. He had seen it before. While he was tolerated as long as he kept a distance, any attempt to get closer into the white man's world would be met with rejection. Rawnie was Teaspoon's niece. It was natural he would be protective of her. A half-breed was not exactly the best choice as a possible suitor, even Buck could admit to that.

What hurt him was that Teaspoon had gone through the roof without giving him a chance to explain. That just confirmed to him, Teaspoon was no different from any other white man he had encountered. Down deep inside, they didn't want him close to them or their families.

He closed his eyes.

Unwanted tears burned behind his eyelids, but he would not allow them to fall. He should have expected it. He really had no reason to believe Teaspoon would be any different because he accepted Buck as an Express rider.

A silent 'NO' echoed in his mind.

This was wrong - Teaspoon was not like that. Hadn't he expressed his concern for Buck when the Kiowa had attacked the way stations? And his respect for Buck's decision? Teaspoon had lived with Indians, he had told Buck so himself. One of his wives had been Indian, hadn't she? He desperately tried to convince himself that Teaspoon's yelling at him was nothing other than the stationmaster having a bad day. However, this line of thought didn't do much to convince him.

With a heavy heart he slowly got to his feet and walked back to his horse. He had been foolish to hope for something more in the white world than what he had among the Kiowa. Maybe it was better getting use to the world as it was, rather than walk with the disappointment of failed changes. 'I can live with what I have, can't I?' he pondered morosely as he got onto his horse and headed back.

*~*~*~*~*

"What's on your mind, Emma?" Teaspoon asked wearily as they headed out from the station.

Emma turned her head slightly and glanced suspiciously at her stationmaster.

"I was kind of hoping you could tell me," she replied somewhat shortly.

"Me?" Teaspoon asked. "I'm not sure I understand, Emma."

"Well then, you can start by telling me why I found Rawnie upstairs in her room crying her heart out and why the riders are hiding in fear of running into you. Why don't you start there?"

Teaspoon closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He should have known this would be coming.

"It's not what you think, Emma," he said sadly and lowered his eyes. He could almost feel the anger from Emma and didn't need the confirmation in her eyes.

"Then let me tell you what I think," Emma replied, reining in the horses. Confirming the animals were still she lowered the reins and turned to Teaspoon. "I think you've just done your very best to destroy a friendship between two young people, of which I at least think deserve some happiness in their life. Now I have no clue why you, of all people, should want to interfere in something that, when everything comes to a halt, is nothing! Rawnie is heartbroken 'cause she thinks you made Buck mad at her and as for Buck I have no idea where he is, since obviously you scared him away!"

Teaspoon held up a hand to stop her. "Hold on there, Emma, I didn't mean to make Buck mad at Rawnie, or to make her upset. It was just that we had an agreement and when she didn't stick to it, I kinda lost it." He sighed again.

"I would say you lost it," Emma muttered. "What do you mean an agreement?"

"Rawnie promised she wouldn't see Buck, and..."

Emma frowned. "Why on earth would you tell her that?" she said skeptically when it dawned on her. "I never thought you of all people would hold Buck's heritage against him," she said in disbelief. "If this is because he's part Kiowa..."

"No," Teaspoon interrupted. "It's because he's half white," he added sadly.

Emma stopped and looked at Teaspoon and for the first time she saw the frustration and concern in his face.

"What - what is it really about then?" she said softly, realizing that whatever was behind this, it had the stationmaster scared and nervous - things she normally didn't associate with Teaspoon Hunter.

"My brother - Rawnie's father," he began. He stopped and took a deep breath. "Before he met her mama, we were hunting and trading with the Indians. We had been trading with the Kiowa when he saw her..."

He paused again but Emma didn't push him. Whatever Teaspoon was about to tell her, he would have to do in his own time.

"She was the wife of one of their war chiefs. When I caught him, I didn't know what to do - all I knew was that I couldn't let him get caught by the Kiowa. So we took off and as soon as we reached safety I told him he would have to continue on his own. I guess that's when he met Rawnie's mother."

"The Kiowa woman," Emma prodded gently, "was she...?" She let the question hang unfinished in the air.

Teaspoon nodded.

"Buck's mother. When he told us about his brother and I learned his name, I kinda realized the possibility, but since then there has been other things, you know, small things. Like the way he taps his fingers when he's irritated, in his looks..." Teaspoon stopped and closed his eyes for a second, while Emma, stunned by the news sat in silence, looking out toward the plains.

"So," she said after a minute of silence, "that would make Rawnie and Buck sister and brother."

"Yes."

"And they don't know."

"No."

"Oh my God," she breathed when it finally hit her. "And if they would fall in love..."

"If they haven't already," Teaspoon muttered.

Emma smiled softly at him. "I don't think we should let fear run away with our imagination - I think they're just friends. Rawnie just called him a friend, and I'm sure Buck is a bit more protective of his heart since Miss Devlin. Let's not forget, Rawnie hasn't been here for that long."

"But what if..."

"We're not going to go there," Emma said determined. "We're going to go back and when we return you will have to tell them the truth, it's as simple as that."

Teaspoon cringed inside. It sounded so easy coming from Emma's mouth, but he knew it would be the hardest thing he had ever done.

Chapter 17

She had lost everything.

The small hope of a family or, at least, somebody who cared for her was gone. It was ironic, in some way. She had come here in hope of getting some money - not to really find a family. She had refused to admit even to herself that she needed anybody and now, when she realized she did, she had played a stupid game and lost the possibility.

'How would anybody ever be able to trust or even like her now?' She had never intended to tell Mrs. Shannon so much, nor had she intended for her to get so riled up. She sat on her bed with her knees drawn up to her cheek. She was shivering. She heard the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and she prepared herself for the worse.

"Rawnie?"

There was an apologetic tone to Teaspoon's voice and Rawnie was confused. She had expected him to be angry with her. Slowly she got to her feet and walked to the door. Standing next to it, she hesitated.

"Yes?" she asked through the closed door.

Teaspoon sighed as the door remained closed. He glanced towards the first floor where he could hear Emma making coffee. Emma would not let him get out of talking to Rawnie, so he might just get the whole thing over with.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," he begun. "I didn't mean what I said - it's just that..." he hesitated. "Rawnie, it would really help if you would open the door," he sighed. When there was no reply from the other side he tried something else. "Emma's making coffee downstairs. I would really like for you to come down and talk to us. Please?"

Slowly the door opened and he could make out a pale face looking wearily at him.

"You're not mad at me then?" Rawnie asked as she slowly left her room.

"Of course not, honey," Teaspoon said somewhat relieved. "Now let's get downstairs and get that cup of coffee right?"

*~*~*~*~*

For a few minutes Teaspoon, Emma and Rawnie sat in silence, sipping their coffee. Rawnie glanced occasionally at the others until Emma decided it was time to break the silence.

"I believe Mr. Spoon has something important to tell you," she said and Teaspoon cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, but I had my reasons you see," he began. "It's about your father."

"You said he was dead," Rawnie said with a frown.

"He is. This is about something that happened before you were born," Teaspoon continued and inhaled. "What I'm gonna tell ain't gonna be easy but you need to hear it."

Slowly, but to the point, he told a perplexed Rawnie of his and Logan's trading with the Indians and what had happened that painful day so many years ago. It was after that that Rawnie's patience gave out.

"So he was a scoundrel," she said. "I already kind of figured that out - so what has all of this to do with me?"

"It hasn't so much to do with you as it has to do with Buck," Teaspoon replied softly. "You see the result of my brother's actions that day is Buck."

For a few moments Rawnie just stared at him. Then she rose from the table and rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Stunned, Teaspoon could hear a door slam shut from above and he feared that he was too late in telling the girl the truth. He slowly began to rise.

"I should have told her earlier," he muttered, "damn stupid of me not to..."

"Sit down," Emma ordered. "I'll go and talk to her. And get a grip of yourself, Teaspoon, things are never as bad as they seemed."

"What are you going to do?" Teaspoon asked, appreciating the option to leave everything in Emma's capable hands.

"Well, first of all I'm gonna think with my head instead of my heart. I suggest you try and do the same."

*~*~*~*~*

Rawnie had never felt so confused in all of her life.

First their was a sickening feeling of how close she had come to kissing her brother, secondly she felt relief over knowing why Teaspoon's reaction had been so strong, thirdly she felt a strange, exhilarating feeling of knowing why she had felt connected to Buck, and then the scary feeling of what would happen next.

She wasn't sure which feeling she would give into. She had a brother - well, a half brother, but still a brother. He had never known their father either. His mother had also been abused and hurt by the man who had fathered them both.

But there the similarities ended, she realized with a sigh. Where Buck seemed to have had a loving family around him, her own mother had been more than absent during her own upbringing. When the others found out she had grown up as a thief and her mother as a mere prostitute, no family connection in the world would matter.

Still there was hope.

Teaspoon had showed a genuine concern for her and Buck had been friendly. Pacing her room, she didn't notice Emma until she almost walked into her.

"Emma," she stuttered.

"It's all right," Emma assured her. "Sit down," she suggested and sat on the bed. "I know this must be unsettling for you," she began.

"I almost kissed him," Rawnie frowned and shuddered. "I couldn't understand why I liked him, but somehow it felt wrong so I didn't, but..."

Emma just smiled and placed an arm around her shoulders. "Then everything is all right," she confirmed. "It's only natural you should feel something. Come to think of it, in some ways you're quite alike."

"We are?" Rawnie asked in surprise.

Emma nodded. "I haven't thought of it until now," she admitted, "but it's there. Small gestures, that sort of thing."

"It feels weird," Rawnie admitted having calmed down some by Emma's presence. "Emma, I don't know what to do anymore."

Emma merely nodded and it encouraged Rawnie to continue.

"I lied about everything," she confessed. "I just came here because I thought Teaspoon had money. And..."

"He told you his truth," Emma interrupted softly, "and now I think it's your turn to tell him."

"Tell me what?" Teaspoon asked wearily. Uncertain of his role, but determined not to let his niece down, he had walked up to the room.

"I'm not who you think I am," Rawnie sobbed. But instead of being angry Teaspoon gently lifted her to her feet and gave her a hug.

"You're my niece," he whispered, "and that's all I need to know."

*~*~*~*~*

Later that evening, Rawnie sat by the window looking out over the plains.

So much had happened and, although she felt utterly spent, she also felt content. There were no lies between her and Teaspoon anymore. She had told him everything of her sordid past, of her mother, her own thefts and her selfish plan of robbing him of money.

To her amazement, Teaspoon had merely nodded and told her he was glad she had told him of her life and that he only wanted to make it better. She wouldn't have to leave the station unless she wanted to. And Emma had assured her she would be involved in the daily chores around the station - enough for her to grow tired of them, as the housekeeper had said with a smile.

Rawnie opened the window and took a deep breath of the chilled evening air. There were no sounds outside except for the soft chirps of crickets. Most of the station had already gone to bed, tired after a day of chores.

Rawnie, however, couldn't sleep. She felt restless, as if she could explode at any moment. She felt full of life and happiness over being alive and sitting in this window that she could scream. She knew that the feeling would probably be gone by tomorrow, but for now she just wanted to enjoy it. She leaned out and realized she could see the bunkhouse. Buck had returned just before supper, but she hadn't seen him. She wondered what he would say about it.

Teaspoon had made her promise not to say anything, stating that he wanted to tell the whole story himself. She frowned at the thought. He had looked uncomfortable when talking about letting Buck know and she wondered for just how long Buck would remain in the dark. She still found it hard to think about the fact that he didn't know. She sighed and closed the window before she climbed back in bed.

She had a brother.

It still felt unbelievable.

Chapter 18

Teaspoon watched as the red sky slowly turned crimson over the horizon. He had been up before sunrise, desperately trying to figure out what to say to Buck. He had played out the scene numerous times and yet, in his heart, he knew nothing would be as he planned. Well, however, he said it, there was one thing he needed to do first.

He needed to apologize.

A sound from the bunkhouse made him turn around. True to the boy's (clarifying that it's Buck) habit, he could see Buck leave the bunkhouse for the first chores of the morning. Having waited for that moment, Teaspoon took a deep breath and headed after the boy to the barn.

"Morning, Buck," he said gently as he entered.

Buck quickly turned and looked at him suspiciously.

Teaspoon walked up to him with a thin smile on his lips. "I need to talk..." he said.

"I won't go near Rawnie again," Buck interrupted him curtly. "There's no need for you to tell me again."

Teaspoon cringed at his words, for the first time realizing just how much he had hurt his Indian rider the day before.

"I wasn't going to tell you again," he said. "I came to apologize for what I did yesterday. I was out of line, and it wasn't my intention."

Buck shook his head and looked apprehensively at Teaspoon. "You don't have to apologize," he said. "I understand."

Teaspoon stared incomprehensively at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Buck mumbled and turned away, scared he had said too much.

Teaspoon placed his hand on Buck's shoulder and turned him around. "You think this has to do with you being part Indian?" he asked.

Buck shrugged. He had no wish to enter into that discussion.

"You're wrong," Teaspoon stated boldly. "Buck there's something you need to know." He hesitated with his next words but before he could continue, Kid walked through the door. "We'll talk about this later," Teaspoon promised and left.

He stopped just outside the barn and wiped his brow. This was going to be much harder than he ever had anticipated.

*~*~*~*~*

That evening Rawnie noticed Buck standing alone by the corral. She walked hesitantly up to him, not sure on how he would react.

"Buck," she said tentatively.

He turned around to face her before he immediately turned away.

"You shouldn't be here," he stated.

"Why not?" she asked baffled.

"I promised Teaspoon I would stay away from you. I don't want to get you or me into trouble, so you better leave. Besides I've got chores to do." He quickly left before she could reply.

Rawnie frowned and looked after him. Teaspoon hadn't told him, that much was obvious to her. She quickly scanned the premises for the stationmaster. By now she was quite familiar with the station and its surroundings and when she didn't see him, she headed to the back of his shed. There she found him carefully polishing a bridle and softly whistling. She stood before him with her hands on her hips.

"What?" he muttered and looked up at her. "Rawnie? Is there anything wrong?"

"Plenty!" she replied. "Why haven't you told Buck yet?"

Teaspoon put down the bridle. "It's not so easy," he tried to explain.

"Well, I'm not having him avoiding me." She stared at him and played her trump card. "If you don't talk to him, I'll tell Emma."

Teaspoon bent his head as he tried to hide his smile. Emma had became the young woman's mentor, mother and idol in a very short time, and he was sure Rawnie strongly believed Emma could do anything.

"I will talk to him," he promised.

"Now. He's in the barn. I saw him enter."

"Now hold on a minute, Rawnie..."

"Now."

She stared determined at him and he sighed. Slowly he got to his feet as he realized he could no longer avoid the confrontation with his Indian rider.

"Now," he muttered. "Will that be to your satisfaction?"

Her smile told him more than words and he started towards the barn. She was right though, he pondered as he walked. He had postponed telling Buck, unsure about how the boy would react. He had come to like Buck, to like all of the boys and he hated the thought of losing one of them. Telling Buck the truth might very well end in the boy losing his trust in Teaspoon and leave. Teaspoon wasn't sure neither Emma nor Rawnie completely understood this.

Chapter 19

Teaspoon found Buck examining the left leg of his horse.

"Anything wrong?" he asked.

Buck looked up and shook his head. If he was surprised over the changed attitude from Teaspoon he didn't say anything.

"I'm not sure. She felt a bit stiff earlier, but I can't see anything."

"Let her stay in the corral for a bit, Teaspoon suggested. "Might just be a sore muscle. A bit of easy motion may soften it up."

"Guess you're right," Buck replied and rose. He patted the horse before leading her outside.

Teaspoon followed and soon both of them stood watching the animal slowly walk around the corral.

"Looks fine," Teaspoon stated after a few minutes.

"I'll let her stay out here for a bit longer anyway," Buck stated.

"Sounds like a wise idea," Teaspoon confirmed as his mind began to wander on just how to approach the issue at hand. He stared out over the corral and the plains behind him and he realized there would never be any better time than right now. He cleared is throat.

"Buck, earlier I told you there was something you needed to know."

Teaspoon sensed the boy next to him stiffen.

"Just hold it a minute," he said before he quickly continued. "It has nothing to do with Rawnie, or rather only partly to do with her. It's about her father - my brother." Teaspoon glanced at Buck, and although Buck wasn't looking at him he hadn't left.

"I left my family when I was in my teens," Teaspoon began. "My father wasn't exactly what you would call 'fatherly.' His only means of raising a child was a thorough beating. I left my siblings in his care and just took off."

Teaspoon remained silent for a few seconds.

"Years later I ran into my younger brother. He was..." Again he hesitated. "He was a wild one, but I thought I could make up for leaving, so we stuck together for a while. For one autumn we were in the mountains, trading with those far away tribes out there. The Kiowa was one of them. Everything was fine until..." Teaspoon's voice suddenly disappeared and he had to clear his throat. "Until he raped the wife of one of their chiefs," he said sadly.

Teaspoon heard Buck suddenly turn around and felt the rider's eyes on him, yet he didn't turn to face the boy. He couldn't, not yet anyway.

"I got him out of there, knowing what the Kiowa would do should they find him. When we were safe, I told him I didn't want to see him again and sent him on his own way. Last time I saw him he was on his way to prison for killing a man."

Slowly, he turned to look at Buck. Buck was staring at him with a frown on his face as if he didn't know if he should believe the stationmaster's words.

"The woman he raped was your mother," Teaspoon ended and waited for the reply.

For a minute Buck just stood there.

"How do you know that?" he asked finally.

"I was trading with them. I knew her, or rather I knew of her. She had a son named Red Bear. I didn't realize the bond until you told us about him. Then there are other things, there's a likeness..."

"I'm nothing like him," Buck interrupted harshly and backed away from Teaspoon. "You didn't have to tell me about this - I don't want to know anything about my father."

"I thought you and Rawnie...you're siblings after all," Teaspoon began but before he could end the sentence Buck was already on his way away from him.

"Buck!" Teaspoon called out, but Buck ignored him. Cursing under his breath he started to run after the boy. He could not let this go now, he had to end what he had started. He caught up with the boy in the barn where Buck was making his horse ready.

"Listen Buck," Teaspoon began, "you can't head out every time something happens. You need to talk to me."

"I don't want to talk," Buck stated curtly without turning around.

"My brother was your father, Buck. That's something we need to talk about."

"You maybe need to talk - I don't," came the reply.

"You're not going anywhere," Teaspoon continued calmly. He wouldn't let go of his nephew just yet.

For the first time Buck turned and looked at the stationmaster.

"You can't forbid me to go," he muttered with barely contained anger.

All of his upbringing he had been told to respect his elders, but he had been told something that had thrown his life upside down. The turmoil he felt was too much for him to handle and the urge to get away was the only thing he cared about for the moment.

"I can and I will," Teaspoon declared and placed himself in Buck's path.

Buck, who had grabbed his horse, stopped and stared at Teaspoon. Teaspoon refused to budge and finally it was Buck who turned away.

Teaspoon exhaled, unaware he'd been holding his breath.

Without a word, Buck returned his horse to its stall and began to remove the saddle.

Teaspoon slowly approached the boy.

"I'm sorry," he began softly. "I'm sorry for what Logan did to you and your mother. Every day since then I have wished things would be different." He paused for a few seconds. "But you're a result of those events," he said quietly, "and I wouldn't have missed knowing you or having you in my life - irrespective of any kinship. I hope you understand that."

Buck lowered his gaze. He didn't know what to say. Only a few hours ago he had been convinced Teaspoon held the same prejudices as most other white men he had encountered and yet the same man just had told him he was wanted. But on the other hand he had also told him that a man Buck had hated since he was old enough to understand the circumstances of his birth was a relative.

A brother.

And Teaspoon had known what he had done and helped him get away.

Buck tried to ignore it, but Red Bear's angry face kept reappearing before him. His brother's ill-contained anger when he told his younger brother of the man who was his father. Red Bear had at first refused to talk about it, but Buck had persisted. He had just reached the age when a father normally took over the upbringing of a son and the knowledge had seemed important to him then.

Now he mostly remembered Red Bear's carefully put promise to kill the man responsible and his brother. Seeing his brother's anguish over the fact that the crime had gone unpunished, he had promised the same thing. He knew it was a long time ago, but never in his life had he thought he would have to question his own promise. He could not kill Teaspoon, but he couldn't just let it go either. Then there was Rawnie, but he couldn't think about her right now. He needed time. He looked up at Teaspoon.

"You don't know what my life's been like," he said slowly. "I asked my brother once about the man who fathered me. I vowed never to ask again. I don't want to know."

"I understand that Buck," Teaspoon said sadly. "I'm sorry for the pain this might have caused you." Teaspoon sighed. "And for the pain I caused you in avoiding telling you. I hurt both you and Rawnie and for that I'm sorry."

Buck shook his head. He didn't need Teaspoon's apologies. "You don't understand," he said again.

Before he could continue Cody burst through the door and stopped dead in his tracks. Still a bit wary of Teaspoon since the first outburst, he smiled wearily. "I didn't know anybody was here," he said.

Teaspoon immediately grabbed the chance of retreating from his talk with Buck. He had run out of words, but still he didn't know how to end the conversation. Cody's sudden appearance was like a godsend for him.

"Thought I told you to stack those grain sacks," he said dryly and Cody took a step back.

"Well, I was coming to that," he said.

"After you finished fishing or whatever you did when you sneaked out of here?" Teaspoon asked and grabbed the boy by the arm. "Why don't you and I head over to the store room and you can show me how much you've done."

Cody's sigh was audible even to Buck and, despite his somewhat turbulent emotional state, he smiled. However the smile died on his lips as soon as Teaspoon and Cody had left the barn. Making his way over to the hay, he sank down on a bale to contemplate his situation.

Chapter 20

Cody yawned as he put his hands over his head and stretched out his body. Sighing over the morning run he was assigned to, he glanced around the room. As usual Buck was already up and getting dressed.

When Buck saw that Cody was awake, he turned to him.

"I'll take this run," he said curtly.

Cody stared in amazement at him. To see Buck up before dawn was not unusual, but to have him offering to take the ride was another matter. He raised himself up on one elbow.

"Why?" he asked and then immediately regretted his words. But he didn't have to worry. Buck had no intention of taking back his offer.

"I'll take it," he simply repeated and reached for his hat.

Before Cody could open his mouth again, Buck was already out the door. Shivering from the chilled air the open door brought in, Cody easily slipped under the covers again. Thinking about his good luck, he was soon fast asleep. In his mind it hadn't lasted more than a few minutes when he was roughly awakened.

"Why aren't you on a run?"

Cody wiped his tired eyes and looked into the questioning face of the stationmaster.

"Buck offered to take it," Cody volunteered. "He headed out first thing this morning."

Teaspoon stared in surprise at Cody for a moment. He shook his head and turned away. "Of course he did," he muttered. When he noticed the other riders staring oddly at him, he quickly gathered himself.

"What are you looking at?" he barked. "Get up, there are chores to be done." With those words he turned and left the bunkhouse, still uncertain of what to do.

Lou watched him leave and frowned.

"Something ain't right," she said out loud.

Jimmy yawned and looked at her quizzically. "Maybe it is," he drawled, "but if I were you I wouldn't stick my nose in it. I have seen enough of Teaspoon's bad mood to last me a lifetime."

"You're not interested in knowing what's going on?" Lou asked.

"Nope, and if you know what's best for you, you shouldn't be either," he said, threatening, as he grabbed a towel to walk out and wash up.

Lou turned to Kid for some support but the lanky Southerner just shook his head.

*~*~*~*~*

It was after lunch when Lou's curiosity got the best of her.

Rawnie was sitting on the porch of Emma's house, peeling potatoes for supper. Lou carefully glanced around her, but when nobody was in sight, she walked up to the house. It was the first time she had seen Rawnie help out with the chores, and although it wasn't normal, it wasn't strange either. She walked up the stairs and cleared her throat.

Rawnie turned and looked at her. There was a hint of confusion in her eyes and Lou remembered her behavior towards Rawnie hadn't exactly been friendly.

"Hi," Lou said hesitantly.

Rawnie nodded a greeting and returned to peeling. "Emma's in the back doing the laundry," she informed, thinking Lou was there to see Emma.

"Um," Lou began, "I'm not here to see Emma. I ... I wanted to talk to you."

Rawnie looked up in surprise. "Me?" she asked. "Why do you want to talk to me?"

Lou took a deep breath. "Nothing special," she muttered. "Just wondering, that's all."

Rawnie stared at the boy. There was something odd about Lou but she couldn't put her finger on it. Lou had been avoiding her since she'd arrived and she couldn't figure out why he would ask her anything.

"Wondering about what?" she asked a bit apprehensive.

Lou must have heard the hesitation in her voice and she backed off slightly. But she was too curios to stop now.

"Why Teaspoon is so upset," Lou replied. "He never acted like that before, not before..."

"Not before I came here?" Rawnie spat angrily. Lou had no right accusing her. "Well, you got no right asking me anything."

"Well, Teaspoon's more than our boss," Lou replied. "If you've done anything to upset him, then I think you should tell me."

"I haven't done anything, besides, as I said, it's none of your business."

"I say it is."

Suddenly Rawnie rose and stared Lou in the face. "Why don't you say what's on your mind," she said with anger. "You want me too leave, don't you?" She placed her hands on her hips and stared defiantly at Lou.

"I never said that," Lou muttered back. She had just about had enough of the haughty attitude of Rawnie.

"Just as you know, I wouldn't mind if you did. You've been nothing but trouble since you arrived here, and me and the boys..." She had raised her voice slightly and had involuntarily mimicked Rawnie's pose, when she suddenly remembered something and quickly lowered her head.

But Rawnie had already seen it.

"You and the ...boys?" she said hesitantly not sure she could believe her eyes. Suddenly everything seemed cleared to her. Lou's grumpy attitude, the distance, it all made sense to her. She had seen the look Lou gave her before - from other women, never from men.

"You're a girl!" she blurted out and Lou looked up at her, startled and angry.

"Shhh," she said quickly, "Teaspoon doesn't know." Then she looked hesitantly at Rawnie. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Why?" Rawnie asked, ignoring Lou's plea. "Why are you dressed as a boy? And why do you ride for the Express?"

"Because I had no other choice," Lou spat angrily. "You don't know what it is like out there," she added and indicated the rest of the world in a sweeping gesture. "I did it because I have to. Now why don't you go and spoil it all by telling them," she muttered and pushed her hands deep into her pockets, angry with herself for revealing her true gender in front of Rawnie of all people.

"I ain't gonna tell," Rawnie said slowly.

She knew only too well what danger the world held for a girl - a single girl with no family. Emma had told her all the riders were orphans and she suspected Lou was not an exception. Her anger slowly gave way to awe. Lou had been smart, she pondered. Dressing as a boy would have make things so much easier had she only thought of the idea. She sighed and sat down.

"My life ain't been very charming either," she admitted.

Lou looked at her. She had expected Rawnie to laugh at her, maybe tease her and then tell Teaspoon, causing Lou to be forced to leave, but instead she had a feeling Rawnie wasn't going to do any of those things. She almost felt sympathetic. But she was still suspicious.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "You're Teaspoon's niece..."

"Well, his brother wasn't exactly a decent man." Rawnie shrugged. "I never knew him, so it's hard for me to tell. He left mama as fast as he could when he realized she was having a baby. He died in prison." She looked intently at Lou. "Bet you Teaspoon never told you that," she said flatly.

"No, he didn't," Lou replied and sat down next to her. "But you - well, you've acted as if you owned the world since you arrived here. Why?"

Rawnie shrugged again. There were too many secrets and she wasn't ready to relieve all of them yet. "Didn't make sense to help out when I knew Teaspoon was going to send me away."

"He was?"

"Yeah, but Emma talked to him, so I guess I'm staying." She looked carefully over at Lou. "That is if you want me to stay, I suppose?" she asked wearily.,p>"We ain't gonna send you away," Lou said, more secure now when she realized Rawnie and she had more in common than she had thought. She thought back to the man claiming to be her father and shivered. Sometimes it was better not to know too much about your parents, she pondered.

"Teaspoon told you all this about your father?" Lou asked.

"After a while. Guess he doesn't like the idea of having a thief, murderer and rapist in the family any more than I," Rawnie replied,

"Rapist? You mean he ... your mother?"

"No." Rawnie shook her head and cast a careful glance in Lou's direction. Something in the other girl's face told her Lou was one to be trusted and she softly continued. "He raped Buck's mother."

*~*~*~*~*

"Lou? Lou!" Cody reached over the table and brusquely shook Lou's shoulder. "You in or not?" he asked when she finally acknowledged him.

A bit confused, Lou looked at him before remembering she was in the middle of a card game. She quickly glanced down at the cards in her hand. She could easily win the pot, but what Rawnie had told her earlier weighed heavily on her and she couldn't concentrate.

"No," she said quickly and placed down her cards. "I'm out." She rose and walked over to her bunk where she sank down deep in thoughts, ignoring Cody's gleeful smile at her departure. Kid looked after her.

"Everything all right, Lou?" he asked with concern.

Lou looked up. "Yes," she began, but then she changed her mind. "No, it isn't."

"What's wrong?" Kid asked, the game completely forgotten. Even Ike and Jimmy seemed to have lost interest to Cody's dismay.

"Hey guys, we're in the middle of a game here," he complained.

"Shut up, Cody," Jimmy growled and rose. "What's up, Lou?" he asked.

"I talked to Rawnie today," Lou admitted.

"And?" Kid wanted to know.

Lou smiled weakly. "Well, she found out I'm a girl, but that's not all..."

"You told her?" Kid asked aghast. "What if she tells Teaspoon?"

"She won't tell," Lou said quickly. "But she did tell me something else. I think I know why Buck took your run, Cody."

"I know it," the blonde rider exclaimed. "They're seeing each other, right? Bet that's why she's been turning me down."

Lou shook her head. "She ain't been seeing Buck. She's Buck's sister - or half sister, anyway."

The last statement caused the bunkhouse to be silent as time slowly passed away. It was Kid who first recovered from the shock.

"You're sure?" he asked. "I mean, not even Buck knows who is father was. He told us that. Why would Rawnie know..."

"Teaspoon told her," Lou interrupted.

*Teaspoon knew?* Ike asked suddenly. *How did he know? How long has he known?*

"If you're silent I'll tell you all I know," Lou promised and so she did.

Everything that Rawnie had told her as they sat on the porch. So, as the darkness settled over the station, Lou told the others of what she had learned about Logan, Teaspoon's lost brother.

Chapter 21

"Rider coming!"

Jimmy muttered something under his breath as Cody's call was heard, but he quickly pulled on his jacket and headed out the door. Cody released his horse as Jimmy swung into the saddle and accepted the mochilla from Buck.

"Have a good ride?" Cody asked as he reached out for Buck's horse.

Buck eyed him suspiciously as he nodded. There was a tone in Cody's voice he couldn't place, and he wasn't sure he liked it. Cody must have realized it too, because he quickly offered to take care of the horse and headed towards the barn. Too tired to argue or even wonder over Cody's action he quickly went inside the bunkhouse. Ike, who been resting on his bunk, sat up as he entered. Buck nodded at him and placed his hat on the peg by the bunk when Ike jumped down and sat down by the table. When Buck turned to him he smiled weakly.

*Why didn't you tell me?* he asked.

"Told you what?"

*About Teaspoon's brother - about who your father was,* Ike said.

Buck's face darkened. "That's none of your business," he said. "Who told you?"

*Lou did - after Rawnie told her,* Ike told him. He rose and walked up to his friend. *Why didn't you tell me?*

"I don't want to talk about it," Buck muttered and turned away. "Rawnie had no right telling you anyway - it ain't her problem."

*Well, you're her half brother. I'd say she's involved, whether you like it or not.* Ike shrugged.

Buck sighed. "You don't understand, Ike. I'm not so sure I understand either." He looked seriously at Ike. "I would rather not have known," he said quietly.

Before Ike could comment there was a sound by the door and the two boys turned around.

Teaspoon cleared his throat. "Buck? I think you and I need to have a few words - in private," he added gently for Ike's benefit.

Ike looked at Buck. Buck nodded slightly and Ike turned around and left, but not before sending Teaspoon a warning glance. Teaspoon waited until Ike had closed the door behind him.

"How are you doing?" he asked friendly, just barely stopping himself from adding his normal 'son'. He didn't think it would be the right word at the moment.

Buck looked at the stationmaster for a few seconds before turning away.

"I don't know," he said. "How long have you known?" He turned and looked at Teaspoon again.

Teaspoon hesitated but only for a second. Now was a good a time as any to have the whole truth out in the open.

"I didn't suspect anything until you told us about your brother," he said. "At first I didn't make the connection, although the name Red Bear reminded me of something. It must have been a week later when I remembered him. Then I started seeing other things that reminded me of my family. Little things." He glanced over where Buck had sat down and now was tapping his finger on the table. "Like that," he said, only to see the boy immediately stop. "Your grandmother always did that," he said sadly. He sat down opposite Buck. "And you take after your mother," he added softly. "I only saw her from a distance and on that dreadful day, but she was a beautiful woman."

Buck looked down at the table. He too remembered his mother, but he had seen another part of her life - a harsher and more unfriendly life than Teaspoon had seen.

"My brother made a promise to kill the two men responsible," he said suddenly.

Teaspoon closed his eyes for a second and nodded. He had not expected anything else. For the Kiowa there was just not one guilty. He was as guilty as Logan - not only for bringing Logan to the Kiowa camp, but also for helping him getting away.

"I understand that," he said calmly.

"If I should tell him, you wouldn't be safe around here," Buck added slowly.

"Is that what you've been thinking about doing?" Teaspoon asked without loosing his posture.

Buck was silent as he contemplated the question. He had been thinking about it, he couldn't deny it. Red Bear would not hesitate to avenge the shame of the family. Telling Red Bear would eventually lead to Teaspoon's death. And Buck was not ready to loose Teaspoon. However he was not ready to admit to that yet.

"I made the same promise," he said instead.

This Teaspoon had not expected. He should have anticipated it, though.

"I see," was all he said as he looked at the boy. He was silent for a few minutes. "But you're not going to kill me," he said softly.

Buck rose from the table and walked away before turning around.

"I promised," he repeated. "A true Kiowa would not hesitate."

Teaspoon remained silent.

Buck lowered his gaze. "But I can't," he admitted slowly. "Nor can I tell Red Bear."

"You couldn't have been more than a boy when you made that promise," Teaspoon said in the same tone. "I don't think your brother would hold it against you for not keeping it."

Buck didn't answer. He bit his lip and looked away. "I could not kill you," he admitted after a few minutes of silence. "You could not have hurt her like that."

Teaspoon nodded silently. "No, I couldn't. Unfortunately my brother could."

"Why?" Buck looked up and looked Teaspoon in the eyes. "Why did he do it?"

"I don't know." Teaspoon hesitated for a second, but decided the boy had the right to know the truth. "When I grew up...my father was an abusive man. He used to beat me and my mother. When I turned fifteen I had enough and I left. I was selfish and never considered what would happen to my younger siblings. I guess Logan got the worst of it. When I saw him years later, I had to get him out of jail. I felt guilty and I thought he could change to the better. That the hate and anger would diminish...that he would feel happy. I failed and after the attack on your mother I left him. Guess he must have hooked up with Rawnie's mother then."

"When does it stop, Teaspoon?" Buck mumbled.

"I think it already has," Teaspoon said with a hint of a smile. "It stopped with me and I know it had stopped with you."

"Sometimes I wish I knew that too," Buck said with a smirk.

Realizing the tension was slowly slipping away; Teaspoon smiled broadly and placed his hand on Buck's arm.

"Then trust me, son," he concluded.

Epilogue

Buck walked with light steps up the porch to Emma and knocked on the door. Emma opened with smile on her face.

"She's almost ready," she said. "Why don't you come in? I'm sure she can use your support right now."

"You're sure?" Buck asked, with a hint of hesitation.

Emma smiled but before she could answer a voice found its way down the stairs.

"Buck? Come on up!"

Emma just shrugged and stepped aside to let the young man passed. She hummed softly to herself as she walked into the kitchen.

It had been eight months since a soaked Rawnie had appeared on her porch and those eight months had certainly rendered a lot of changes. Good ones in her mind. Buck did seem to smile more often and, although he and Teaspoon had treaded lightly around their newfound kinship, it was obvious to the housekeeper that the knowledge had strengthened them both.

But the most dramatic change was Rawnie's.

From being a bitter, grumpy and awfully thin young girl, she had blossomed into a healthy and happy young lady. And with several suitors as well, Emma mused, as she remembered Rawnie's slow discovery of male attention at the dances in Sweetwater. It had taken her some time, and more often than not had hid behind her kinship with Buck.

Emma smiled to herself as she slowly took out the coffee cups for the reception later.

At first Emma had been cross with the girl because she believed Rawnie hinted that Buck was her half brother more as a way of getting rid of one young man or another. Unfortunately it had worked - almost a little to well. The young men had immediately backed off either because of fear of the knife attached to Buck's boot or by the fact Rawnie claimed relationship with an Indian.

Emma was sad over the treatment Buck occasionally faced and didn't like Rawnie using it, but soon she had realized that Rawnie often seemed rather proud over who her brother was. Slowly she stopped using the kinship to get rid of suitors, but rather as a quality mark to see if the young man met her standard. Buck had realized this too, and it had taken him some time to get use to this stubborn girl rather proudly expressing her family relation with him.

Well, everything had turned out for the best, she mused, as she couldn't help herself humming a familiar tune.

*~*~*~*~*

Buck hesitated outside the door, but encouraged by the call, he gently knocked. The door was immediately opened and Rawnie took a step back and Buck's jaw dropped open.

"What do you think?" she asked hesitantly.

Buck closed his mouth.

"You look stunning," he admitted as he carefully looked her over.

There was no false flattery in the words; she did look beautiful. The dress was not new, Rawnie had insisted on not spending too much money and had already chided Teaspoon for going over board with the reception, so Emma had suggested altering an old Sunday dress of her own. It was in pale yellow with discreet patterns of flowers, matching the dark hair and grey eyes of Rawnie perfectly.

"You're sure?" Rawnie asked hesitantly and twirled in front of the mirror. "You're not saying that just because you're my brother or anything?"

Buck shook his head. "You're beautiful," he assured her. "Pete will be speechless." Rawnie slumped down on the bed.

"What if he changed his mind?" she asked in a small voice. "What if he realizes what a mistake his making?"

Buck walked up to her and, taking her hands, pulled her to her feet. "He won't," he said promising. "And if he should..." He tried to look stern but failed miserably. At least he managed to get a lopsided grin from Rawnie.

"I know," she snorted, "you and Ike promised to take care of him. What a comfort - neither of you could raise a hand towards him, you're too soft-hearted!"

Buck sighed. She was right. He liked Pete too much. In fact, the young wrangler's persistent courting of Rawnie had surprised them all, and most of all Rawnie. All her tricks to throw a suitor off had failed and she had been left perplexed of what to do. Buck still remembered his own surprise of being approached by the man without hesitation, asking his permission to court Rawnie. He smiled at the memory;

"You want to ask me what?" Buck asked baffled as he stared at Pete.

"Your permission to court your sister," Pete replied with a wide grin. "I know I ain't got much more than my name and the clothes on my body but..."

"No," Buck interrupted, "why are you asking me?"

Pete's grin grew wider. "I figured since she's always referring to you, you must be an important person in her life. Didn't think I'd be worse off by asking."

By now Buck had a slight amused look in his face. It was obvious to him Rawnie had used her usual tactic to get rid of Pete, and he couldn't help feeling happy this time she was failing.

"Pete won't let you down," he said calmly, returning to the present time. "You know that."

"Then why am I so nervous?" Rawnie sighed and turned away. She started walking to and fro in the room, before turning to Buck again. "What if I'm doing the wrong thing? Blue Creek feels so far away."

"It's not," Buck assured her and quickly gave her a hug to offer his support.

Pete hadn't been as broke as he had let on, but the almost tumbledown farm outside Blue Creek was the only thing he'd been able to afford. "Me and Ike pass there often enough - you and Pete probably will grow tired of our visits."

"Never," Rawnie said and hugged him back. "I guess we should go now, right?"

"We should," Buck replied and offered her his arm. "Are you ready, future Mrs. Lyle?"

"As ready as I ever be," Rawnie replied and took his arm.

*~*~*~*~*

Emma wiped away a tear as the wagon with the newlyweds headed out from the station. Sam placed an arm around her and gave her a quick hug.

"They'll be fine," he said.

"I know," Emma said. "That's not why I am crying. It's just so many mixed feelings when a family member takes off for a life of her own."

"Family member, eh?"

"They are family, Sam. All of them."

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