Challenged to Write at least 11 Stories:
1 for each character in this list:
Teaspon, Rachel, Sam, Emma,
Tompkins, Ike, Buck, Lou, Jimmy, Cody
There were 33 songs to choose from,
all of the songs are in the Statler Brothers
famous four part harmony.
This is Beulah's 2nd set... she's finished her first
11.
|
Character
|
Title
|
Summary
|
Jimmy
|
Burning
Bridges
|
Jimmy leaves his family
behind, but not without some parting words for Lou |
Buck
|
If
It Makes
Any Difference
|
Buck starts to make a new
life for himself |
Sam
|
A
Couple More Years
|
Sam has a run in with a
shady character
|
Tompkins
|
All I Have to Offer You is Me
|
Tompkins is beginning to
feel his age, and his solitude
|
Rachel
|
It Should Have Been Me
|
Too late, Rachel realizes
how hers and Cody's lives could have been different
|
Teaspoon
|
Thank You World
|
Teaspoon realizes all his
family has to be thankful for.
|
Jesse
|
Almost Persuaded
|
Jesse misses his Express
family, but can he convince himself to go back to them?
|
Lou
|
Woman
Without a Home
|
Lou has a problem that
only Jimmy can help her with.
|
Emma
|
Leaving On Her
Mind
|
Emma thinks it's time to
leave Sweetwater behind |
Kid
|
We Owe It All
To Yesterday
|
Kid's past catches up to
him |
Cody
|
Too Late For Roses
|
Cody sends Rachel a gift. |
Burning Bridges
Lou, July 5, 1868
Please don’t show this to the Kid. If you feel
you have to, let Teaspoon read it, and I guess Lily’s got a right to
know why I left, but I’m trusting you otherwise to keep this under your
hat. I never thought the day would come when people could say
Cody was a better man than me – I ain’t sure how I feel about it now.
Lou, ain’t nobody asked, including you, but I got to tell someone why I
did what I did. Point is, I know I ruffled some feathers, and I don’t
want you thinking badly of me. I don’t much care if Kid does,
hell, I expect it, but when you shake your head at me and look at me
with those eyes of yours…I feel like a little kid again, and I don’t
care for it.
Maybe that’s what it was with Lily, was I could just tell her
everything and she wasn’t going to be disappointed in me ‘cause she
didn’t have any reason to think I oughta be better than I am. I
thought I loved her. I ain’t so sure now. Last night, I
couldn’t see nobody but her, couldn’t think on anything else. Love
takes longer than a day, though, doesn’t it? She was pretty,
and she was nice, and she felt the same way I did, like she was going
to end up a disappointment. But that ain’t enough, is it? I’ve been in
love before and it always made me feel nervous, like I had
to be on my best behavior. With Lily, I never felt that. It
was the damndest thing, I just was me with her and I didn’t worry none
about that being good enough for her. Maybe I should have. When I
turned us back around, I was so convinced I loved her that I
didn’t want to chain her to someone so low-down and rotten that he’d
run out on his only friends, his family like that.
Teaspoon said you’re mad at Kid for fighting with me. I can’t
believe I’m saying it, but don’t be too tough on him. There’s two
that’s to blame for that, and I think I should shoulder most of the
blame. He was only trying to protect Teaspoon, maybe save me a
little face, and I didn’t give him any other way to do it. He’s a
good man – but I guess you know that.
How are you, Lou? Everybody sure seems worried about you, and I
guess that’s starting to worry me some. You know everybody’s
talkin’ bout you and Kid having babies, or not having babies. It
don’t seem right to me for everyone to talk about somebody’s business
like that. I ain’t never heard you say a word about it. Then again, you
and I ain’t talked much since you became Mrs. Kid, have
we?
You know, Lou, there’s things I always been meaning to say to you that
I ain’t never gotten the courage to give voice to. You can
probably guess at them. Don’t worry, I ain’t going to say them
now. I know you made your choice, and it wasn’t me. But
that didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends. For a long time, I
guess I thought it did, but I’m coming to my senses. You should know
that nothing has changed. Anything you need, all you got to do is
ask. Even though I’m leaving, I’d always come back for you, Lou.
Now that Buck’s back, I figger I’ll disappear for awhile. I know
the boys’ll think they have to ride out after me; you can tell them I
don’t plan on making it easy for them. For some time now I’ve
been fighting against being Wild Bill but maybe Marcus saw something I
was just afraid to see. Maybe that’s who I really am and Jimmy is
just the person you all want me to be. I know Wild Bill ain’t
somebody none of you have much use for but he’s all I got for the time
being. Tell Teaspoon I’m sorry. Tell Lily that I won’t
forget her.
Your friend,
James Butler Hickok
|
If It Makes Any Difference
Dear Lizzie, August 17, 1868
Hello, beautiful. How are you doing these
days? How is Seneca and the house? Will you let me live
there when I get back, or am I going to be stuck in the bunkhouse with
the rest of the hands? I will be back before you know it, so
don’t get too comfy on your own.
Tomorrow is the big day. I am amazed at how
hard Cody has worked to track Red Bear down, in fact I am amazed by
most of Cody in general. Is it possible that he’s become the best
man of all of us? You probably don’t even understand why I’d be
so surprised, but you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that Cody has
always acted about fourteen years old. He’s only ever seemed
interested in his own fame and girls, but I’m beginning to think there
are unknown depths to the man. I’m also beginning to suspect he
had more than a hand in getting me out of that prison, and to tell the
truth I’m a little ashamed that then I disappeared. When I try to
bring it up, he changes the subject and ignores what I’ve said. It’s
scary; it’s almost like he’s humble, which isn’t possible.
From what I’ve been able to gather (Cody hasn’t said
much about his part in all this, but others are more than willing to
talk for him) Cody didn’t just get me out of there. He tried to
get Red Bear freed as well, but that turned out to be trickier. Red
Bear is not a free man. If he were, he would have returned to
our people. But he has not been in prison since the war
ended. Cody somehow managed to get him a job of sorts with Indian
Affairs. Cody and I both are a little afraid that it’s nothing
more than slavery, that he’s just being paraded out at military events
as a curiosity – but I do not think that Red Bear would stand for that,
even if it meant his return to prison or his death. Anyway, I
suppose we will not know for sure until we see him and can speak to him
ourselves. It will not be until then that I know if he has
forgiven me either.
Liz, I will admit to you that I am terrified to see my brother
again. The boys, Teaspoon, Sam and Emma, they have all been more
than kind to forgive me for disappearing for years, but Red Bear will
have to forgive me for much more than that. And it doesn’t matter
how often you or Cody remind me that I believed Captain March only
meant to talk peace, because I know that I knew even then not to trust
the army. I did know what I was bringing into that camp; I only
hoped it might be something different. Regardless of Red Bear, I
do not expect I will forgive myself. Still, I think if he were
willing to speak with me, that Red Bear would be happy to hear of you
and our baby. Since I was twelve he has teased me about taking a
wife, and I would like to beat him to the punch this time.
Which reminds me that I am still unmarried. You are being
stubborn, I hope you know. How many times will you make me ask
before you say yes? How old will our child be? I hate to
remind you that life for our baby is not going to be easy if she looks
anything like me, and to be illegitimate on top of that will make
things worse. Why are you still refusing? I have told you
more than once that I do not feel “trapped” by the baby, that I love
you more than I care to admit. Truly, Liz, do not fool yourself,
without you I would be lost. I sometimes wonder what I would have
done if you had not been at the mission when I returned, and the
possibilities are all very bleak.
But it has occurred to me that perhaps you are the one that feels, in
your words “trapped”. If that is so, I don’t know what to say,
Liz. Just know that I love you and if you want to go, with or
without the baby, you can. And anything you need, you only have
to ask. I may have been doing a lousy job of taking care of you
up to this point, but I’m going to do better from now on, I promise.
How are things for you? Are you feeling well? Have you
gotten very fat since I left? Will I return and think you
unrecognizable? Are Lou and Kid being nice to you (not that I can
imagine Kid being anything but nice to anyone)? I imagine they
are getting a little irritated that their foreman has been away for a
month since accepting the job. I don’t suppose they expected
anything less since Cody has something of a reputation for taking folks
on scenic detours. Ask Kid about that sometime and he will tell
you a story.
Cody got a letter from Rachel the other day. They write each
other a lot. Cody actually writes Emma and Teaspoon pretty
frequently too, but I swear he’s sending a letter to Rachel or getting
one every other day. At the fourth of July I almost thought there
was something going on between them, but I can’t imagine that either of
them would disregard the fact that he has a wife. (Speaking of
which, there are times when Clara makes me pray that you never accept
my proposal. The woman is an absolute harpy! I’ve never
seen Cody so cowed before. He walks in the door and immediately
his shoulders fall and he hangs his head. He can’t do anything
right in the eyes of that woman, and she’s poisoned most of their
daughters against him too. The youngest, Junie, seems to have a
mind of her own though. She was amazed when she saw me, her eyes
were as big as saucers and she said, “Papa says you’re an Indian, Uncle
Buck.” I told her that was right and she just nodded
solemnly. Now she seems to be under the impression that I can
talk to animals. She has a kitten and Cody has an old hound dog
and Junie is always wanting me to ask them questions and give her their
answers. She’s something else and I think you would like her a
great deal. Cody certainly dotes on her. He has said that
he is hoping to take her out to Rock Creek to see everyone next
summer. The other two don’t want to go, and Clara is insistent
that it isn’t going to happen so we will see if Cody is actually able
to stand up to her or not.)
Anyway, Rachel’s letter said that Teaspoon took Lily to live with her
aunt and is looking to settle in Rock Creek. He’s an amazing man,
Teaspoon. I think he is very excited to be a grandfather to our
child, and I can not think of a better man for the job.
Rachel also said that no one has heard from Jimmy. I think one of
the reasons it has taken us this long to track down Red Bear is because
Cody is spending just as much time trying to find Jimmy. He’s
even riding out to Rock Creek when I leave for Seneca and he and
Teaspoon are going to try and track Jimmy down. It isn’t like
Jimmy to run away like that. I guess that girl really did a
number on him.
It is getting late and I know I should get some sleep before
tomorrow. Wish me luck! I do not know what I will say to
Red Bear, I only hope he says something back. I am leaving for
home at the end of this week and will see you soon. I miss you
more than I would have thought, especially at night when I am trying to
fall asleep without you drooling on me. I never meant to fall in
love with you, Liz, but I surely did.
Hopefully your soon to be husband,
Buck Cross
PS: If it makes any difference (which Rachel seems to think it might),
I would have asked you to marry me a while ago, but when we were
wandering from place to place half-starved, it was a comfort to think
you could leave me if you wanted to. Now that things are
different, I don’t want to give you that choice.
|
A Couple More Years
09/04/68
Kid,
I don’t know if you’ve heard yet about the trouble
we had up here a few days back, but I thought I ought to let you know
about it. Gerald Fisk’s done his time and he’s riding
again. You were the one that finally got him locked up, so I
wouldn’t be surprised if he were out for some revenge. We had a
rough enough time with him up here. Wished to hell I could say
we’d got him back behind bars, but he had one of his notorious lucky
breaks and he’s disappeared. Now, Kid, I don’t want you to worry,
but you should know that he threatened Emma and the boys. I guess
I might as well tell you to keep the sun from rising, but try to keep
Lou from getting into any trouble for the time being, just until we get
Fisk back where he belongs. I know from experience, that she’ll
want to go out after him with guns a-blazing. It’s either our
curse or our blessing to love spirited women. So consider this
advice from a man who’s spent many more years than you fighting a
losing battle. I find what works best is just to tell Emma she’s
right and then do what I damn well please, in your case that may mean
tying Lou up until the dust settles.
Emma says to remind you to be sure Lou is eating. She looked too
skinny when you were up here. I didn’t notice, but it’s got Emma
wringing her hands something awful so you best fatten her up.
Anyway, by my reckoning Fisk is nastier than ever. Can’t see as
he had anyway to profit from raising hell here in Sweetwater, just
wanted to rile me. Well, he succeeded in that, I’ll tell you
what. I come into the office one morning and there’s Barnett
locked in a cell, knocked out cold, and a note from Fisk on the
desk. I got myself back to my house faster than anything. (Didn’t even
stop to help Barnett out. Well, I couldn’t, he
looked so damned peaceful!) I got there just before him, or he
let me get there before him, I’m not certain which. At any rate,
his gang had the five of us pinned in the house quick enough. I
held them off as best we could. (Eli wanted to rush them. Full of
vinegar, that boy, thought he could take the whole lot of them
single handed. I hate to admit it, but I’m sometimes worried we
got another Hickok on our hands.) Finally, Medley, the new deputy
that started a month or two ago, showed up with a few men from
town. (Turns out he’d stopped in the office, gotten the gist of
what was going on from Barnett and rounded up a posse to check in on
our place. He was in such a hurry to get out here, he left
Barnett in jail. Barnett didn’t seem to mind.)
Fisk, as usual, got himself away as soon as he realized he was
outnumbered. I’d have chased him down, but I got winged a little,
and Emma wouldn’t let me. Now she’s got me laid up in bed and
keeps coming in to put her hand on my forehead and feed me soup. It’s
enough to make a man go a little stir-crazy. Doc says I
shouldn’t be up and around for at least another week, no hard riding
for a month or so, but it isn’t that bad. Believe me, I’ve been
shot enough to know when it’s bad, and this just clipped me. Hurts like
hell though.
I’m getting to old for this, Kid. Too old and too slow. Should’ve known
better than to let Fisk get the drop on us like
that. Should’ve stayed out of sight until he made his move on the
house and then come in behind him. The governor keeps offering me
some fancy title and desk job in Lincoln and I’ve been telling him
it’ll be a couple more years before I hang up my badge. I never
took to pushing paper. That year I spent in Omaha as the
territorial marshal was just about the most boring year of my
life. If Emma hadn’t had Caleb that year I think I might have
died from the boredom. But I’m not sure how much longer I can
keep this up. Was a time when a shot like this wouldn’t have
hardly made me pause, now it’s got me laid up for a week or more. And I
can’t take putting Emma or the boys in harm’s way again. Maybe my
couple more years just ran out. But I’m hoping I got a
couple more years in me yet!
Emma wants me to remind you that you’re not to worry so about
things. She says your forehead was looking pretty creased when
you were up here and you’re still a young man. In general, I
suggest you and Lou look after yourselves or else that woman is liable
to do that for you. And speaking as a man who’s been looked after
more times than I care to remember, she’s not a gentle nurse. Best
watch yourselves for my sake if not your own, for if something
were to happen to any of you, I am certain that it would eventually be
my fault.
I’ve been doing some asking around about Jimmy. Sounds like he
had some trouble marshaling in Abilene, just like you and I had
guessed. But nobody’s seen him lately. Teaspoon and Cody
headed out a few days ago to look for him, but I don’t suspect they’ll
find much. Looks like it’ll be a few years yet before we’re all
together again.
Emma says to remind you two to come up and visit again when you get the
chance. She sure does miss you boys, and with our three we can’t
go visiting as much as we’d like. We’ll be down in your neck of
the woods sooner or later, I’d imagine.
About this Fisk fellow, don’t go trying to be a hero, neither of
you. You ain’t never said much about what happened with him
before, but I figure if it was bad enough for you to give up the badge
then he’s somebody to worry about. You got Buck to help you keep
an eye on things, and I expect you two to let me know the minute you
see anything suspicious. You ain’t still young enough to run off
half cocked and take care of a man like Fisk yourself. I’ve got a
couple of years on you, so I guess you’ll have to respect my word as
wisdom, and I’m telling you to let the law handle it. And just to
remind you, without a badge, you can’t do much without becoming an
outlaw yourself. Remember that.
The boys and Emma send their love (well, Emma sends more than that, as
you may have gathered). Tell Louise hello for me, and keep both
of you safe, Kid.
Regards,
Sam
|
All I Have to Offer You is Me
October 29, 1868
Dear Jenny,
I know it’s been awhile since I wrote but I got some news I thought you
might appreciate hearing. I hope it doesn’t seem like bad news to
you, but if so, even more reason why you should know. Marshal
Cain and the Mrs. just got back from Rock Creek yesterday. Seems
they were there for a wedding. Buck Cross has married some girl
from a mission. I understand it was something of a shotgun
wedding, though as far as I know none of her people (if she has any)
were in attendance.
I won’t speculate as to the nature of your feelings for that boy, but I
had thought, foolishly perhaps, that events might bring you out here to
be with him. It was, I admit, a selfish thought, because I
figured then you might visit your old father now and then. I am
sorry if you had hoped for the same, as it no longer seems likely to
happen. It may surprise you but your old dad has had his heart
broken a time or two, and I’m sorry to tell you the only thing to heal
that wound is time.
Jen, your father is starting to feel his age. The cold weather is
making my knees ache and I’m starting to have foolish notions. You know
I seriously considered buying back my place in Rock Creek just
to follow a woman there! Well, I managed to talk myself out of
that. After your mother, I couldn’t in all good conscience wish
myself on another woman. The store’s still turning a tidy profit
but it just don’t make me feel like it used to. All I feel is
tired.
Do you suppose you might come out sometime and see your old dad? I know
things ain’t been exactly easy betwixt us but I’m willing to
admit that for the most part that’s been my fault. I’ve also been
thinking that maybe I could sell the store and head back east. I
guess I could run a store out where you are just as easy as I can here.
The bottom line is just that this house here is too damned empty! I
never noticed how many rooms there are for one man. I got
myself a dog to sort of fill the place up but he doesn’t take up near
enough space to do any good. And he’s always jumping on my lap,
which is no way for a dog to behave. There’d be plenty of room
here if you wanted to give it a go out west again. I could always
use some help in the store and Sweetwater is quite the town these
days. We got a train that comes through every other day, a fancy
ladies’ dress shop, a couple of respectable places to eat. Well,
it ain’t what you’re used to back there, but it isn’t a total
wilderness.
I talked with Dave down at the livery and he’s offered a reasonable
price to board another horse down there for me. I know you’ve got
a fondness for horses, always did. He’s got a real nice gelding
for sale, if you wanted. You could go riding all over the plains,
pretending to be just as savage as you like. I promise I wouldn’t
say a word to stop you.
I’m just going to come straight out and say it, Jen. I’m asking
that you give your old dad a second chance. I know it’s a lot to
ask, all things considered, but I have great faith in your ability to
forgive a lonely old man his many, many mistakes. I don’t know
how many years I got left in me, but I’d just as soon spend them with
you as alone.
Anyway, that’s enough of that, you’ll make up your mind and I’ll be
here either way.
Love,
Father
|
It Should Have Been Me
November 22, 1868
Dearest Billy,
It will hardly seem like the holidays without you around. I know
you have to be with your family, but as Teaspoon was helping me hang a
wreath on the door I couldn’t help but think that that was your
place. It’s strange how much things have changed just by telling
each other what was in our hearts. It doesn’t seem to matter that
nothing more will ever happen between us, the world still looks like a
new and different place.
Besides Teaspoon, Lou and Kid will come up from Seneca for
Christmas. Buck and Lizzie would make the trip too but she’s as
big as house and it’s a little too close to her time for her to be
traveling. Besides which, I think they might benefit from a
little time to themselves. We’re planning a real party. Teaspoon says
he’s got the perfect tree all picked out and we’re just
waiting for Christmas Eve to go chop it down. I have this nagging
fear that his perfect tree is going to be taller than my house, but he
insists it will be just right, saying that it has “holiday symmetry”.
I did enjoy your last visit. You are such a dear, sweet
man. The place seemed so quiet after you left, and it seemed like
the place was sapped of color for awhile. It worries me that you
and Teaspoon didn’t find anything out about Jimmy. Teaspoon gets
a letter from Lily now and again, and she hasn’t heard from him
either. I know the whole business must hurt Jimmy something
awful. Just when we get Buck back, someone else decides to go!
Speaking of which, I don’t know if he thanked you himself, but I want
you to know that you did a good thing for Buck. He certainly has
a lighter step since he and his brother spoke.
How are Clara and the girls? There are nights I can not sleep, I
am so jealous of them and I wish you were the sort of man who would
leave her and come home to me. But I know that if you were that
man, I would not love you so. If only I had known earlier,
Billy! Then it would be me you came home to, and our daughters
you made laugh. Well, things are what they are and there is no
amount of wishing that will change them. Clara doesn’t deserve
such a husband as you.
Give the girls my love and tell them that I would love for any of them
to be here next July. They are as much a part of this family as
you are. Clara, of course, is also welcome. And I promise
you that if she were to come I would treat her with every
consideration.
Teaspoon will be getting in for supper soon, so I best go. He’s
caught me writing you before and it always makes me feel like I’ve been
caught with my hand in the cookie jar. If nothing else, my
blushing gives me away. I wish you were here to lighten the table
with your smile. We’re having mutton tonight, with new
carrots. I know you like new carrots, and I have them drenched in
butter and sugar just like always. I even went so far as to make
some oatmeal cookies earlier today. I must have been thinking of
you more than usual. I hope that you are eating well.
All my love,
Rachel
|
Thank You World
December 29, 1868
Dear Emma,
Yesterday Lizzie gave birth to a little girl, Megan
Marie Cross. She is a very pretty baby, as far as I can tell and Buck
agrees. He is now a very proud papa and myself, if I may be so bold to
say, poised to be a sage voice of wisdom for yet another soul. Lord
have mercy on her. You realize a year ago we didn't have any idea if
the boy were alive or dead and I'll be the first to admit when he
showed up last year it still seemed a little questionable. But he's
right as rain now I reckon. Ain't nothin' that can erase those lines
from his face but not everyone is blest with my own youthful appearance
(bear grease and onions, key to good looks and long life).
Still haven't heard hide nor hair from Jimmy. I 'spect
Lou knows more than she's lettin' on and I hope I'm right. I know
you've been prayin' for him and I guess you best keep it up. It's easy
when I think on him and Jesse for me to feel downright discouraged. I
was pretty low, when I come down here. I almost passed on Kid and Lou's
invitation to spend the New Year on the ranch. I'm glad I didn't.
When I seen that baby girl and Buck just beaming over
her, I realized despite some dark spots we got a lot to be thankful for
when it comes to our riders. Kid and Lou are making a real go of it
with this ranch and they have been more than generous with Buck, givin'
him and his a life here. Buck's an amazing fellow himself and if he was
lost for sometime, he's all the stronger for it now. Now I know you had
your concerns about Lizzie, but I think she is very good for him. He
seems to have found some peace with her. It seems like for as long as
I've known him, Buck has been worried by some sense of shortcoming in
himself - but Lizzie just doesn't stand for such business in him. Even
Cody, who I'll admit I have often worried about, has become a model
citizen. And I know it ain't easy for him neither. There ain't a one of
our boys he hasn't seen out of some trouble, and he's even seen to it
not to let them know it. I don't guess he and Clara are that happy with
each other anymore, but he's doing his duty by her anyway - which is
more'n I ever managed. All in all, we done good with 'em.
How's Sam feeling these days? At the wedding he was
looking a little green at the gills. Guess it'll take him some time
getting used to that hitch in his giddyup. That Fisk fella got him
good. I mentioned him to Kid and from the look on that boy's face I'd
say Sam is pretty lucky that he's only a little gimpy. Don't worry too
much about him, Emma. Sam's a tough old dog. I know he ain't taking to
the idea of going back to Omaha and workin' behind a desk but give him
some time, and he'll come around to it.
Now, Emma, you know I ain't much for prayin' myself. The
Almighty and I always do most of our talkin' in silence. And I know you
got a lot on your plate right now worrying 'bout Sam and Jimmy and your
own little ones. But I'd appreciate it if you'd add a prayer or two in
for me. I've had my fair share of trouble, sure enough, and I don't
doubt but I'll see more, but right now I've got a lot to be thankful
for.
Teaspoon
|
Almost Persuaded
January 1, '69
Teaspoon,
I know what I got to offer ain't much. Times been tough
since the war on just about everybody in Missouri. Frank and I sorta
try to help folks out from time to time, but our own pockets are empty
as often as not. Anyway, I feel, I mean I've always felt ever since I
left, that I owe you something for all you done for me. I know I ain't
never repaid your kindness with nothing but trouble, but that ain't
never been my intention. It's only five dollars, I know, and that don't
even start to compare with all you gave me, but it's something and when
I get another five, you can depend on it coming your way.
I miss ya, Teaspoon. I miss you and Jimmy and everyone
really. I miss Noah, and there are times, especially on stormy nights,
when I can't fall asleep without dreamin' on him. I know that he'd
still be alive it weren't for me, Teaspoon, but no matter how I work it
in my head, I can't see a way around doing what I did. Frank is family,
and you always said nothing comes before family. You all was family too
and I wish I coulda figured a way to work it out for everyone.
I didn't have much to do this Christmas. Frank and I
work here and there, not all of it respectable. It ain't been easy
since the war, we sorta got used to it and now things are different but
we're still the same. At any rate, come Christmas this year, I didn't
have much to do and Frank was in one of his surly moods so I thought it
best to stay out of his way. I went up to Rock Creek, just to look
around. I don't guess I figured on any of you still being out there. I
seen all the windows lit up in Rachel's house and I just stood there in
the shadow of the barn watching you all.
It looked real pleasant. Lou and Kid just the same as I
remembered them, you and Rachel too. Couldn't miss the fact that there
were plenty of people missing from the table, and I hope it's because
some of them got families of their own. I was sorely tempted to join
you. I thought a million times I'd walk right up to the door and knock
and that Rachel would give me a hug and invite me in and it'd be just
like old times. About a hundred times I started for the door before I
thought twice. Couldn't do it. Couldn't face you again. But Teaspoon, I
was real close to giving in, real close.
Later, on my way back to Missouri, I saw Jimmy in a
saloon near Abilene. He looked a little worse for wear, and it weren't
easy for me to see him just drinking and gambling. At the end of the
night he had some difficulty coming up square with the barkeep, seems
he lost more at cards than he'd bargained for, and I was able to fill
in the gap for him. I said I weren't nobody but a friendly stranger and
he was bleary-eyed enough to believe it. I saw him off to his room at
the boarding house before I rode on. I almost stayed around. I almost
stayed to see him sober, to give him my apologies and find out what had
him out in the middle of nowhere instead of back home with you all like
he should have been. But I don't care for getting lectured anymore now
than I did back then, and I knew Frank would start wondering where I'd
got to if I was gone for much longer.
Teaspoon, I know I ain't done much to make you proud of
me. If I thought I could take things back and try again, I promise I'd
make a real solid attempt at being a better man. But it don't matter
how much I'd like for things to go back to the way they was, I don't
guess they ever will. Jimmy rambled a little when I seen him, and I
gathered everybody will be together again in Rock Creek this July. I've
been thinkin' on it, and I got myself almost persuaded to take the trip
myself. If you could see it in your heart to let me be a part of the
family again, I'd surely like it. Just send word to my cousin, I put
her address at the bottom of this letter, that you're willing to have
me back. If'n you can't forgive or forget or disregard what I done,
then I won't bother you no more. There ain't a day that goes by that I
don't wish things were different.
Yours,
Jesse James
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Thank You World
2-20-68
Dear Jimmy,
You have no idea how hard it has been to keep your
letters a secret from Kid. He worries as much about you as he worries
about me. If you ever forgot to remind me not to tell him, I would
spill the beans completely and you would be mighty embarrassed when he
showed up at a card game and dragged you home. I had to tell Teaspoon
I'd heard from you, though. He's aged several years since you left and
I won't say it isn't your fault, because it probably is.
When you left, Jimmy, you said if I ever needed anything
all I had to do is ask. Well, I need something. Kid's gone missing.
There's this fella, Gerald Fisk, he put in jail when he was still
Marshall in Rock Creek and he's gotten out. Sam wrote Kid to warn him
to be careful but that was months ago and we never heard or saw
anything suspicious. Then last week Buck and Kid and some of the hands
went up to Fort Laramie for a stock auction. Kid stayed an extra day to
finish up some business, but he never made it back to the ranch. Buck
headed out two days after he should have been home and we hadn't heard
from him. He made it all the way to Fort Laramie without seeing any
trace of him and he found Katie at the livery there. The man who owned
it said she'd come galloping into town two days before, without a
saddle or anything, he recognized her as Kid's and thought he'd be
along to get here. Marshal McCook here in Seneca's sent out a posse to
look for him. Sam and Teaspoon have been calling in favors all over the
territory. Even Cody sent a telegram out to the forts round here and
got the army keeping an eye out for him. But it's like he plum
disappeared.
Kid ain't never told me the full story of what happened
with Fisk but I know it had him scared. He brought Fisk to justice, but
he got shot in the chest for his trouble and he almost didn't make it.
That's when he gave up the badge and bought us this ranch. Kid don't
often show he's afraid, so you'll understand that I'm worried sick
about him. I got to go ride out after him, Jimmy, and I can't ask
anyone else to go with me. They all got families of their own to worry
about, and besides you're the only one who won't tell me to stay put.
It's strange, all these years everybody but me has been
worried about me not having children. It didn't really make much of a
difference to me. I had Kid and he was enough. Kid was even so afraid
that Megan would make me sad that he asked Buck not to talk about her
too much in front of me. But when Buck first let me hold her I didn't
feel anything but the weight of her in my arms. Now, if Kid don't make
it back - what do I have to hold onto when he's gone? Kid wants so
badly to be a father. And he would be such a wonderful Dad. He wants to
make up for the way his father was, and so he goes out of his way to be
such a good, respectable man. As his wife, it sometimes makes me want
to shoot him, but it would make him such a good father. I will admit
that my heart aches a little when I watched him hold Megan. He was so
careful with her and so amazed by her. I know that man has so much love
in him and it pains me that I haven't given him a child to benefit from
it.
Jimmy, I'm asking you, please, to help me find him. I'm
leaving tomorrow and heading towards Fort Laramie. I won't come back to
this ranch until I find him. You don't know what it's like, living here
alone. The house suddenly grew until it's so big and so empty that I
feel lost inside of it. Used to be you'd get a fire going and the whole
place would warm up and now it don't matter where you go or what you
do, it's always cold.
This last year, working this ranch, it's been hard
work, Jimmy, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I didn't always
like it. Truth be told, I thought it was dull, hard work; it had me
wishing for the days when we were riding, when there was still some
excitement to getting up in the morning. Even in Rock Creek, it weren't
never like that. Kid was working as Marshal and there was always the
threat of adventure around the corner. It kept me up at nights,
worrying for him, but I grew to miss it when it was gone. I've been
restless and irritable and I've made life a living hell for Kid.
But having Buck and Lizzie here, and the ranch finally
starting to show a profit, it started to feel like a home. I was happy,
Jimmy. But now it's just a house and there's nothing to it but
emptiness. The only thing that's home to me, is him. Now I stare out at
the horizon and there's nothing keeping me on the ground and I feel
like I might float into the sky and just get lost forever because Kid's
not here to weight me down. I could disappear like you, like Buck, and
now I understand why the two of you felt you had to. Because everything
hurts, and seeing those familiar faces just reminds you of better days.
Please, Jimmy, help me find him.
Lou
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Got Leaving On Her Mind
March 17, 1868
Darling Sam,
Megan is
an adorable baby. She’s got big dark eyes
like Buck’s and long,
long lashes and the cutest little curls!
Buck is just about bursting with pride over her and
with good reason. They have become quite
the little family. They live in the
original ranch house across
the spread from where Lou and Kid built.
They’ve made it such a cozy home that it’s hard to
believe they were
vagrants just a year ago.
For all the
joy Megan brings to the place, however, the mood down here is pretty
solemn. There’s still been no word of
Kid. Buck’s just about beside himself
now that Lou’s gone too. He owes the two
of them a great deal and he’s torn between watching over their ranch
and
tracking Lulabelle down. I think he
feels a little better since we heard from Jimmy. At
least somebody’s looking after Louise –
though I’d rather that someone was looking after him as well.
I know it
don’t sit easy with you, not looking for Kid yourself – but don’t you
go
getting any ideas just cause I’m not there to talk some sense into you. That leg of your’n still ain’t healed up
proper and I won’t have you making it worse.
It’s bad enough you insist on pushing yourself at
home. You know you can send Barnett and
Will Medley
out to keep the peace. Doctor said you
shouldn’t be doing anything more than sitting in the office telling
your
deputies what to do. You know if that
leg gets infected again you’re going to lose it, and I don’t think you
could
take that.
I’ve been
doing some thinking on it, Sam, and maybe you should look into the
governor’s
offer. He said you could choose between Omaha
and Lincoln. I know that year in Omaha rubbed you
the
wrong way, but it doesn’t have to be that way this time. and Lincoln isn’t
such a bad place. I know you don’t cotton
to giving up on
riding out and facing down whatever comes your way – but I don’t plan
on being
a widow and if you keep it up, I surely will be.
If you’re
worried ‘bout me and the boys, don’t be.
The boys are young and even if they squawk about it,
truth is a change
of scenery won’t matter to them all that much.
And as for me, I can’t say I won’t miss that house –
there’s a lot of
memories there, but we could make new ones somewhere else.
Just think on it, Sam. You’ve
been working hard all your life, now
you’ve got a chance to rest some and I think you should take it. Spend more time with your boys, they’d like
that.
They sure
have missed you these last few days, and so have I.
I hope you’re eating well. Just
think, if we did move to Lincoln
we’d be at least
a little closer to Seneca and the ranch.
We could actually visit Lou and Kid and Buck for
birthdays and
Christmases, just like family should. It
would be nice to make up for those years that Buck was missing. And if Kid isn’t found, Lou could use as much
family as she can get.
Oh, Sam,
I’m so worried about them! What could
have happened? It’s not like Kid to
disappear like that (though it seems to be going around), and with Fisk
on the
loose too. Buck says Lou just stopped
eating and hardly spoke the last few days before she left.
And now she’s got Jimmy with her.
Even if they find Kid, God only knows how
he’ll feel about being found by the two of them. But
what can we do but pray? So far the Lord
has watched after our boys in
his own way. We’ll just have to trust
that he’ll continue.
Lou’s
leaving has got me thinking about what I would do if you were taken
from me,
and Sam, the very thought makes me tremble.
It would be bad enough to not have anyone to snuggle
against at night,
to have no one’s shoulder to cry on, to have no one to laugh with – but
when I
think of trying to raise those three sons of yours without
you…imagination
fails. Promise me you’ll think about
making the move to Lincoln. I know it’d be tough for you – but it would
be much tougher on me to lose you and I’m afraid that if you keep on
doing like
you are, that’s exactly what will happen.
I love you,
whether in Lincoln
or Sweetwater or China,
I love you and I always will. Take care
of yourself or I will.
All my
love,
Emma
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We Owe it All to Yesterday
04/05/1869
Dear Buck,
I’m
sorry to have left you with so much work to be done on the ranch.
Guess the place has become more yours than ours by now. I hope it
hasn’t been too much of a problem because I’m writing to tell you that
the place will be yours for a while longer. I sent a telegram to
Teaspoon and Sam to let them know we were safe, but I’d appreciate it
if you’d fill them in on the particulars. It’s difficult to
explain, but I think it’s time everybody knew the truth, and you
especially because I can’t be sure my mistakes haven’t put you and your
family in danger.
You
know that Sam sent me a letter a while back warning me about Gerald
Fisk, a fella I sent to prison my last year as Marshal in Rock
Creek. Since he got out of prison, Fisk’s been looking for me and
his chance for revenge. That would be enough to be wary of him,
but it isn’t all.
I haven’t been entirely honest with you about who I was before I joined
the Express. After my family lost the farm in ‘56, Jed rode for
awhile with Fisk. I sorta tagged along because I was too young to
do much on my own and Jed was caring for me the best he could. I
ain’t proud of it, even then Fisk was a terrible man and the things I
saw him do to people who got in his way makes my blood run cold even
now. Jed tried to keep me out of the way most of the times.
He was always a little on the wild side, but I was a Momma’s boy and I
never took to breaking rules. Still, I did my share. I
can’t say I wasn’t a thief, but I wasn’t a killer.
Fisk didn’t have much of a gang then. He was the oldest and he
was hardly twenty. We’d steal stock from small farms,
occasionally luck into a lone wagon with something valuable
inside. Mostly we got just enough to keep us fed and give some of
the older boys drinking money. Then Fisk decided we’d take a
bank. Being the youngest, and baby-faced, I was to drive a wagon
full of hay with the gold hidden beneath it slowly out of town in one
direction while the rest of them ran hell for leather, guns a blazing
the other way. I was against the idea from the beginning. I
never liked what we were doing but robbing a bank was beyond anything
we’d ever done before. It took a lot of talking, and threatening,
before I agreed.
When I met up with the rest of them after the robbery, Fisk went to the
back of the wagon and uncovered the chest that should have been filled
with ingots from California. There were only rocks. He
swore I’d taken it, that I’d hidden it away somewhere for me and Jed,
or even worse that I’d returned it to the bank. Truth is, I
reckon the bank manager just outfoxed him. I never touched the
thing after it was loaded up, just drove to the meeting spot. Jed
and I barely got out of there, and we weren’t on the run from Fisk long
before we knew we’d have to split up if we were going to lose
him. Jed went his way, I went mine, and I started to go by Jed’s
nickname for me, Kid, just so Fisk wouldn’t find me. I joined the
Express a few years later and you know how that turned out.
And then Fisk showed up in Rock Creek. I brought him in, and got
a bullet in the chest for my trouble, but he didn’t recognize me and I
thought myself lucky. I didn’t expect my luck to last, so I moved
us down here and bought the ranch, and I gave up the law. If
you’d seen Lou’s face when I was in bed those few months, it just about
broke my heart. I realized it wasn’t just my life that ended if
Fisk’s bullet had gone just a little different. I never wanted to
make Lou look like that again. She relies on me, just like I rely
on her, and I will do whatever it takes to be there for her. I
was worried when we got Sam’s letter but the months passed and nothing
happened and I thought I’d gotten lucky again.
He found me when I was a day out of Fort Laramie. He caught me on
the trail and left me for dead. And he made one thing clear,
sometime between now and when I brought him in, he’s remembered
me. I crawled back to that little farm just South of Two
Pine. The couple there, Mr. and Mrs. Downing, saw to me. I
don’t remember much but they tell me I was in and out of a fever for
over a week. Even after the fever broke, I found it hard to stay
awake and I was so confused, I didn’t know where I was or what had
happened. I couldn’t tell them to send word to you or Lou and
they had no way of knowing me from Adam’s housecat. A few days
ago I was finally well enough to make sense. I wanted to go
straight to the ranch. I knew Lou would be worrying about me, and
I couldn’t be sure Fisk hadn’t paid the ranch a visit. The
Downings wouldn’t have it, though. Mr. Downing drove me into Two
Pine to send a telegram to the two of you when I ran into Louise and
Jimmy asking around about me.
I told them both the whole story, and Louise and I had a long talk
about what’s best to be done. Honestly, Buck, it never occurred
to me that I might be putting you and Lizzie and Megan at risk with
this business. I’m mighty sorry for that and I don’t intend to
make the same mistake again. Fisk is still out there somewhere,
and from what I know of him, once he hears I’m still alive, he’s going
to come back. I know that he’ll hurt anyone who’s close to me,
that puts Lou in danger, it puts you and yours, the hands, and even the
horses in danger. I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask any of
you to face him because of my mistakes. Besides, I’m done living
with an eye over my shoulder waiting to see when he’s going to sneak up
behind. I need to stop Fisk once and for all. I’ve tried to
talk Lou out of coming along; I’d just as soon have Jimmy watching my
back; but I’ve probably tried her temper enough lately. Sounds
like Fisk was headed south through Kansas last anyone seen him, so
that’s where we’re headed first.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest with you before. You all should
know the truth about me. As Jimmy points out, it’s easier to be
friends with someone who makes mistakes – I’ve just never been good at
admitting to mine. For so long I felt as though my life started
when I joined the Express, as though the years before had never
happened. I refused to acknowledge my life before that, I even
kept those years a secret from Louise. I realize now you can’t
leave behind your past, it’s always going to follow you, reappear when
you’ve forgotten it. In the end, all we’ve got is yesterday, we
can’t hold on to today and tomorrow is a mystery.
I’d appreciate you seeing to things at the ranch while we’re
gone. With all the work you’ve done in the past few months it’s
as much yours as it is ours. Jimmy is heading to Seneca to help
out. Lou wants me to be sure you know not to bother him about
where he’s been for the past eight months. Anyway, he should be
there a few days after this letter, guess he’s got a few loose ends to
tie up on the way. Lou and I will be sure to send word every now
and then, and we’ll be at Rachel’s for the fourth, if we don’t see you
before that.
Thank you, friend.
Kid
PS: Just so you know, now that everyone will know why I go by “Kid”
don’t start thinkin’ that I’m going to tell you what my real name
is. Lou and Jimmy already tried, and I might add, they let it
slip that you boys all have a standing bet going about what it
is. All I’m going to say is: Noah was closest.
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Too Late for Roses
05/21/1869
Rachel,
I hear that everyone’s been found
again. What a relief!
I was getting tired of tracking those fools
down. Though it did give me a reason to
drop by Rock Creek now and again. I hate
to tell you that I probably won’t be back again before the fourth. I’ve got big plans now that’s Jimmy’s back to
get a show on the road for the two of us.
I pitched it to Jimmy last year and he’d have none
of it, but this year
I ain’t taking no for an answer. The way
the West is disappearing, folks are clamoring for a chance to seem some
real
Western heroes. And I figure if Jimmy
can’t change the fact that he’s Wild Bill, he could at least capitalize
on it,
get some recompense for living with a shadow overhead.
I’ll be counting on you to help me talk him
into it, maybe butter him up with some cookies or something.
I saw this
locket day before last and I thought of you.
See I put a picture of you on one side, and a
picture of me on the
other. I had it taken by a prominent
city photographer. I think I look
distinguished. The beard was a good
choice, makes me look older, wiser, cosmopolitan. I
wish I could give you more. Your
friendship, if that is all of you I am
destined to have, means everything to me.
All my life I’ve been the fool in most situations. And I’m not complaining, mind you, but it’s
something different to me to know someone who doesn’t see me that way. Someone who doesn’t feel obligated to give me
advice or lectures. And someone who
understands that my good nature and moral fiber keeps me tied to Clara
when all
I want to do is run home to you. You
never fault me, Rachel. Not for sticking
by Clara nor for having feelings for you.
You’re one helluva woman, and in my dreams, I like
to think of you as
mine.
Even if it
is too late for vows between us, too late for roses, or rings, or
things, I am
so glad to have you as a friend. The
only thing worse than the pain in my heart right now, would be the pain
of
never having it. You’re worth it, Rachel
Dunne, every minute I spend daydreaming of you, every second I spend
missing
you so much my chest aches, and every dollar I spend on lousy lockets
to make
up for the fact I’m not with you. You’re
worth all that and more.
Junie is
coming out with me for the Fourth. She
is, in fact, more than a little excited.
She’s a handful – but cute enough to make up for it. She likes strawberries and I told her you
make the best strawberry pie. We will
take the train and get in early on the 2nd and leave the
afternoon
of the 5th, provided you can put up with us that long.
What with Kid and Lou out gallivanting, Buck
says he’ll only be able to make it for the fourth itself.
Jimmy too, I guess. Emma
& Sam still planning on being
there? Thought Junie might like to meet
the boys. Teaspoon says even Jessie
might show up. I won’t comment on that
possibility. Now, I know he was young
and all, Rachel, but Noah’s dead and that’s a hard thing for me to just
forget
and forgive.
Besides
that, it will be good to see everyone again.
I know that Clara and the girls are my family, but I
feel like a
stranger in this house. It’s only with
you and the others that I feel I’m with my family.
Strange how things have worked out that way. I best say goodbye for now, but know that I
am thinking of you always.
Until then I remain yours in affection,
William F. Cody
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