Sweetwater Series I
Silencing the Past
Author note: This story was first published on The Kid & Lou Shrine in 1998. There had been much speculation about Kid's real name, both first and last, so for the sake of continuity
in this story and the others in this series, I decided to allocate him the surname of Morgan.
Chapter 1
Dodge City, October 1867
The first couple of years after the war ended were strange ones for James Butler Hickok. The cause he had believed in so strongly had triumphed, the Abolitionists he supported had declared
victory. Though he had never formally aligned himself with the movement, preferring to work alone in the background, his reputation grew unabated. The stories of the fearless gunfighter
Wild Bill preceded him wherever he went, so in the end bloodshed was rarely necessary. The legend had already taken on a life of its own.
Despite his notoriety, Jimmy was unsure where his future lay. Up until now he had been content roaming from city to town, living in saloons and playing poker—generally keeping to himself as much as possible. He had never been one for making plans and settling down, although there had been offers of sheriff positions in several Kansas townships where his name was well known and feared. The attention was unavoidable and not entirely undesired, but there were times when he wished he could simply disappear. He was growing tired of having to watch his back all the time in case some young fool liquored up on cheap whiskey decided to make a name for himself by taking out Wild Bill Hickok. Jimmy had an uncanny feeling that this was inevitable, that there was no way to cheat his destiny. But he sure as hell wasn't going to sit around and wait for it to happen.
Sitting in his dank hotel room above a seedy saloon in Dodge City, Jimmy decided what he would do, in the immediate future anyway. As the noise of the revelers below pervaded the quiet of the musty room, he pulled out a worn, crumpled letter from his breast pocket. It was dated over four years ago and the writing was getting hard to read now, but it was no matter—he knew the words by heart. Jimmy gently fingered the faded signature at the bottom of the sheet. Lou. This was the last contact he had had with her after the Pony Express disbanded and he left Rock Creek. Jimmy had never stayed in one place too long so if there were any other letters he had not received them.
It was enough that he had this one though, and the old photograph that Lou had enclosed within. It was a blurred image of the riders standing outside the Rock Creek bunkhouse. They were all there, Ike and Noah included, and Jimmy knew why Lou had chosen this one to send him. It was taken the last day they were all together, only days before Ike had been taken from them.
Hickok thought about those days now, just as he had caught himself doing all too often lately. After the war began and the Pony Express was disbanded with the completion of the telegraph, the remaining riders had gone their separate ways. Teaspoon kept his word and returned to Texas, though why he felt the need to do so he could not explain. It was his home, that was all. For this same reason Buck returned to the Kiowa, where he felt he might be of some use to his people. This was not his fight after all, especially when it had already claimed his friend Noah.
To avenge Noah's death, Cody vowed to serve with Captain Erbach and his men until they tracked down the murdering Rebels. He had become the captain's trusted scout and left only days after the funeral. Rachel, as far as Jimmy knew, had decided to stay and teach in Rock Creek, leaving only the newly wedded Kid and Lou.
Although he was a Southerner and had once talked of going back to Virginia when the fighting broke out, the Kid turned his back on the Rebels, and in turn on the North. Instead the couple returned to the one place where they knew in their hearts was their real home. The West. Lou had written the letter to Jimmy two months after he left Rock Creek with Rosemary, saying that they had settled in Sweetwater once again. In fact they were now living at the old Express station—the only real home the two of them had known, and the place where they had found each other.
So he decided to go home too. Jimmy just hoped that his friends were still there after all these years, as he carefully refolded the letter and secured it in his pocket once more. He felt a sudden urgency to be on his way, to escape the run down room that had become his cell, and to be once more on the open prairies. Hastily he packed his few possessions in his saddle bags and made his way down to the smoky bar. Bidding farewell to the inept poker players he had consistently cleaned out during his stay, he paused in the doorway of the saloon as a dark haired woman, drinks tray in hand, approached him slowly.
Though he had shared her bed for the last month and was now leaving without any notice, her expression did not falter as he ducked outside. Instead she followed him silently and watched from the veranda as he readied his horse. She watched still as he mounted quickly, throwing her a nod goodbye, and then continued to watch with the same apathy as her lover rode out of town. He did not look back even once, and she was comforted when she realized his departure meant nothing to her. He turned out to be just like every other man she had known, even if his name was Wild Bill Hickok.
* * *
Chapter 2
Jimmy traveled quickly by himself, stopping only to rest his horse and for an occasional game of cards when he felt the infrequent need for some company. He was free out here in the familiar, peaceful grasslands. As he crossed the prairies he had so often ridden over on his Express runs, his thoughts returned again and again to those days long past. The danger, the excitement, the experiences they had shared, but mostly he thought about the family he had called his own. As he neared Sweetwater he grew increasingly impatient, longing to be home. Wondering if home was even still there, or whether he was just being a fool coming all this way.
By the next day Jimmy found himself in the once tiny township of Sweetwater. However it was tiny no more. Setting his horse at a slow walk, he tried to take in all the changes that surrounded him—the sheer size and apparent prosperity of the town whose previous claim to fame was the Pony Express station at its outskirts. Now Sweetwater was buzzing with activity as the black imposing steam engine chugged to a stop at the newly constructed Union Pacific Railway station, offloading dozens of passengers and cargo from the East. Saloons flanked the dusty main street on both sides trying to out compete each other with scantily dressed, bored-looking young women lounging over balconies to entice the nervous cowboy onlookers inside.
As Jimmy passed one such establishment two of these boys erupted from the swing doors throwing wild, drunken punches at one another, perhaps over the nonexistent affections of a saloon girl. The town folk looked on, some disgusted at the spectacle, others vaguely amused and willing to make a wager on the outcome of the fight. Their entertainment was broken up by a couple of deputies who emerged nonchalantly from the same saloon, apparently willing to let the two boys tire themselves out first before they made any attempt to come between them.
Jimmy continued on his way, passing shop fronts displaying their wares on the muddy floorboards, blacksmiths, livery stables and finally the whitewashed schoolhouse at the edge of town. Though there was much to see and do in Sweetwater these days, his anticipation grew as he followed the road out of town to the Station. Away from the bustle of the town, smelling the familiar smell of the creek nearby, Jimmy began to imagine he was simply returning from an Express run, and he would soon spy Cody or Buck or one of the others up ahead ready to receive the weathered mochila full of mail. Soon he would hear Rachel's cry of "Rider comin'!" and his journey would be at an end. Jimmy smiled to himself at the recollection, though the knowledge that he would never again experience that feeling at the end of a run when he returned home to his family now saddened him. He could never recapture those days, no matter how fast he rode.
It was early afternoon when he arrived at the former Sweetwater Pony Express Station. The buildings rose up from the flat prairie before him like an invitation home, bathed in the golden sunlight. He was struck by the changes before him as he approached the main house—which was now larger than it had once been, freshly painted and surrounded by a low set fence. Jimmy recognized the familiar bunkhouse nearby but it too had been repaired, and another barn had been built adjacent to the old pony stalls. Gentle movement caught his eye as behind the barn nearly fifty horses grazed peacefully in the expansive corral, spreading further than he could make out.
Jimmy was amazed at the prosperity before him, and for a terrible moment he considered that Kid and Lou had moved on elsewhere. There was no one about as he jumped to the ground, stiff from his long ride. Leaving his horse at the corral post he wandered towards the house, peering around curiously for any sign of life. Smoke furled lazily from the chimney, but the ranch was quiet apart from the occasional distant whinnying of a horse. He was about to call out when a small boy, about five or six years old in his estimation, ran out from beside the house with a battered kite in his hand. The child stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the stranger standing there in the yard, before approaching him curiously.
"Hey there," said Jimmy, pulling his hat from his head. His eyes widened as he realized the child was unmistakably the Kid and Lou's—he could see it in the boy's upturned face that studied him fearlessly. "What's your name, son?"
"Jamie," was the loud and eager reply. "D'you like kites?"
"Jamie?" Hickok repeated, his expression puzzled. Slowly he knelt before the boy.
"Yessir, James Hunter Morgan. I live here."
Jimmy was speechless. Had they really named their son after him? It took a few seconds for him to recover his voice.
"Is your mother at home, Jamie, or your father?"
"Pa's deliverin' some horses with Cholo, but Ma's inside with my brother. Are you here to buy a horse, Mister?"
Before Jimmy could answer he heard the screen door bang closed and he lifted his eyes quickly to the house. His breath caught in his throat as Lou stepped onto the porch holding the hand of an even younger boy with her same dark hair. She was looking down at him as she helped the boy down the steps of the house and had not noticed Jimmy yet, thus giving him a moment to study her. He stared dumbly at the woman who had once passed herself off as a man in order to ride for the Pony Express, a feat which seemed almost impossible with her present appearance.
Lou was even more beautiful than Jimmy remembered or ever thought possible. Her face was fuller and her cheeks rosy with health and happiness. Her short, boyish hair now fell in a plait down her back. She smiled down at her small son as he maneuvered the final step, then looked up in search of Jamie. For a moment she hesitated at the sight of a strange man with her eldest boy. Her brow was furrowed as she stepped towards them, but then she stopped again when something about his mustached face struck her. For a split second she was unable to move from shock and disbelief, then a huge grin lit up her face as she ran towards him.
"JIMMY!"
Lou flew into his arms and hugged him tightly, her sons staring in amazement at their mother with the stranger. She finally let him go and held his face in her hands, needing to study his features just to make sure it was him.
"My God, Jimmy, it's really you!" she gasped.
"Hey, Lou," he replied, unsure what else to say. For the moment he was content just to drink in her beauty and revel in the joy he felt at seeing her again. He could not express such things in words.
"What are you doin' here?" She was breathless with excitement. "We haven't heard from you in so long."
"I know, I thought it was about time I paid you a visit. I got your letter." Jimmy pulled it from his pocket to prove the point and she grinned, hugging him once more.
"Oh Jimmy, Kid will be so glad you've come at last! We've haven't heard any news for so long that we…"
"I know, I'm sorry." His face seemed to fall slightly. "I've never been one for letter writin'. But I, uh, I did miss you, Lou."
"Well, you're here now, that's all that matters." Lou held onto his hand firmly in case he should somehow disappear. The dazzling smile had not yet faded from her lips. "You've met Jamie, I see. And this is Adam. Boys, this is your Uncle Jimmy. He's finally come to meet you."
"How d'you do, Adam," said Jimmy, bending closer to speak to him. The younger boy smiled shyly and hid behind his mother's skirts. Jamie simply stared in awe at his 'uncle' and namesake, thrilled that he was actually meeting him after all of the stories he had heard about his parents' friend. "You've certainly got your hands full here, Lou."
"They'll be even fuller soon," she replied with a sly grin, and for the first time Jimmy noticed her small, rounded belly.
"Well, you've been busy, I see… Not to mention all of this," Jimmy motioned to the ranch around him. "Things have certainly changed around here."
"And we'll tell you all about it, but first come inside. You must be tired." Lou took his arm and led him towards the house. "Kid should be back soon, and he'll get the surprise of his life when he sees you here… But first I have a surprise for you."
Jimmy raised his eyebrows, but Lou only smiled conspiratorially in response. He understood when she ushered him into the back parlor in the house and he found Teaspoon Hunter snoring in a chair, the same ratty black hat perched ceremoniously on his head.
* * *
Chapter 3
Sitting in the cheery kitchen of the ranch house, Louise watched with motherly approval as Jimmy finished the sandwich she had fixed him. Teaspoon sat contentedly beside the younger man, every now and again slapping him on the back as they hastily caught up on the last six years. Lou was able to regard him properly now as Teaspoon dominated the conversation. Jimmy seemed the same in outward appearances apart from the mustache, but Louise could see his demeanor was altered somehow—his expression was graver, more thoughtful, and his eyes were soured from all that he had experienced during the war. He avoided the topic, however, by asking after everyone else.
"You ain't heard from Cody? We thought maybe, well, with Cody fightin' for the North…" Lou trailed off, noticing the dismissive look in Jimmy's eye.
"Not for about three years, I ain't. I didn't have much to do with the army, not officially anyway."
"He got married, you know," said Lou, grinning.
"Cody!" Jimmy spluttered his coffee as Teaspoon and Lou laughed. "Well now I've heard everythin'."
"We ain't met her yet, but Cody mentioned they might come visit this Christmas."
"Is Rachel still in Rock Creek? I almost stopped by there on my way here, but I wasn't sure."
"Naw, she run off years ago with an army captain," Teaspoon informed him perfunctorily around a mouthful of bread.
"John Hamilton is his name, and they are livin' happily down near Denver," countered Lou as she refilled their coffee cups. "He's a very nice man, even if you don't approve, Teaspoon."
"Who said I don't approve?" he replied in mock surprise. "Just a shame if you ask me, a good woman like that stuck down at one of those godforsaken army forts. There'll be trouble once the government stops ignorin' the Indian issue."
"Have you heard from Buck?" asked Jimmy, noticing the dark look that passed between Teaspoon and Lou.
"He stops by a couple of times a year, but it's hard for him," she explained. "They're fightin' a losing battle."
"Speakin' of a battle," Teaspoon said as the sound of the boys playing in the next room increased steadily in volume as an argument between brothers commenced, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen in the kitchen. "I'd better check on the troops."
Lou smiled gratefully and sank into a seat at the table, smiling when Teaspoon's gruff voice was heard from behind the door, growling in mock severity at the noise. Jimmy joined in her smile and shook his head, remembering the eccentricities of the old station master. He could not help but notice the stiff limp with which Teaspoon now walked, or the stark white hair that replaced the dirty gray it had once been. In just six years Teaspoon had gotten old, something Jimmy never equated with him.
"I know what you're thinkin'," Lou said quietly as she sipped her coffee. "It was a shock for us too when he came a coupla years ago."
"What happened in Texas?"
"More fightin'. The war only unsettled the peace the Rangers tried to bring to the place. I told him he was too old to go off fightin' again, but he wouldn't listen. He got his leg shot up pretty badly and had barely recovered when he arrived here."
"At least he had you to take him in, Lou."
She smiled at the recollection. "I'm just glad to have him here where we can look after him. He's the only grandfather our children will ever know, so I don't know what we'd do if he wasn't livin' here with us. He and Adam are practically inseparable. Besides, we all owe him so much, we can't even begin to repay it..."
Jimmy nodded solemnly at her words, knowing he too owed Teaspoon a great debt. The grouchy old man had saved Jimmy from countless mistakes in the past, though it was only now he was beginning to recognize them all. His musing was soon interrupted, when Jamie suddenly tore through the kitchen like the devil was at his heels, a broad grin on his face.
"Rider comin'!" he yelled, racing out the back door. Jimmy laughed at the use of the traditional Pony Express cry.
"He certainly is your son, Lou."
She laughed too and jumped up, pulling him outside, followed by Teaspoon who had Adam hanging onto his back.
"These boys sure do get excited when their Daddy gets home," Teaspoon puffed, as the young boy urged him to go faster. They made their way quickly into the yard to watch the approaching riders.
Jimmy stood silently behind Lou as Kid trotted into the main yard, followed by an old Mexican man and a young ranch hand about eighteen years old. He was unsure how Kid would react to seeing him here after all these years, remembering that their parting had not been on good terms. The Kid had blamed Rosemary for Noah's death and refused to hide the fact that he thought Jimmy was making a mistake by going with her back to Kansas and her abolitionist contacts.
Though they had grown to be best friends during the time the Pony Express had been operational, a cool, unemotional handshake was their farewell to each other. Jimmy only hoped his reception would be different this time. At least Lou did not seem concerned—she was grinning broadly at the surprise that awaited her husband. She waited patiently as he dismounted and immediately scooped up his two sons into his arms.
"How are my boys, huh?" the Kid growled lovingly, capturing them in a bear hug. "Were you good today? What did you get up to?"
Jamie and Adam's words tumbled out in an excited rush, causing Kid to smile. He glanced up to greet his wife, only to notice the tall, dark man with her.
"Well I'll be damned," he whispered, gently putting the boys down. "James Butler Hickok."
"Kid."
They held each other's stare, neither saying a word. Lou's breath caught in her throat as suddenly she feared Kid would refuse to take his hand, but then she expelled it with a nervous sigh of relief when her husband strode over and hugged his old friend firmly, slapping him on the back.
"I can't believe it. I can't believe you're here! It's good to see you, Jimmy…" The Kid was lost for words, instead he grinned incessantly as Louise came over and kissed his cheek.
Teaspoon watched the reunion with a proud expression on his weathered face, grasping the reins of Kid's horse. The other two men had also dismounted by now, intrigued by the show before them. Kid and the stranger said little to each other, but it was obvious they had once shared a special bond. Lou remembered her manners, and made the necessary introductions.
"Jimmy, this is our foreman Cholo, and Tom Jenkins, our ranch hand. This is a dear friend, Jimmy Hickok," she said.
Tom's eyes widened in surprise as he recognized the name. He had heard Kid and Lou mention someone called Jimmy from their time in the Pony Express but he had never dreamed this was who they had been referring to. The young man stuttered an incoherent greeting, shaking Jimmy's hand with wonder.
"Wild Bill Hickok!" he managed eventually, still pumping his hand. Jimmy nodded evenly and politely extricated his right hand from Tom's grasp.
Kid and Lou both waited for his familiar reaction to the pseudonym, one that Jimmy had always refused to acknowledge and merely associated with a dime-novel character. But instead he seemed indifferent, unaffected by the name, which prompted a swift glance to be passed between husband and wife. Since when did Jimmy allow himself to be called Wild Bill? Lou frowned and pulled an awe-struck Tom back by his sleeve, allowing Cholo an opportunity to meet their friend.
She was surprised to see the old Mexican's face harden when he too realized just who this man was. He stared gravely at the pair of ivory handled Colts that Jimmy wore strapped to his hips, and without a word he turned on his heel and busied himself with the horses, drawing them away to be watered and rubbed down.
If Jimmy was concerned by the snub he didn't show it, and Kid hastily tried to cover it by suggesting they all go inside. He picked Adam up and initiated the exodus, though Lou paused and watched after Cholo. She was worried that he might be upset by having Jimmy here, something she hadn't thought of until now. Cholo had lost his whole family to a gunfighter as they traveled north from Mexico many years ago. She knew the attack had been unprovoked and vicious, though Cholo refused to tell her the details. Teaspoon and he had become great friends and he perhaps knew more, but the old marshal knew that Cholo would come round eventually when he saw that Jimmy just wasn't like that. Teaspoon put an arm around Lou and walked with her inside, silently assuring her that everything would be fine. Cholo made his way to the barn alone.
* * *
Chapter 4
After Kid had washed up, the party, including an excited Tom Jenkins, settled into the living room of the ranch house. Jamie was a bundle of energy ducking in and out of the room, but Adam remained placidly by Teaspoon's side as the four of them caught up some more.
The Kid still seemed amazed that after all this time Jimmy had finally come to visit them. He had missed his friend greatly, only his wife knew just how much. When their first son was born it seemed only right that he had been named after Jimmy, the man who in the beginning had helped them both with their relationship. It was true that in the year or so that followed there had been disagreements and falling outs, but Kid was relieved to see that perhaps after all this time they could forget about these things and leave the past where it belonged.
"Things certainly seemed to have worked out for the two of you out here," commented Jimmy as he looked through the window at the corral. "I hardly recognized the place."
"Well, the business is goin' well, better than we expected anyway." Kid smiled proudly. "We're the main supplier of horses to the town and surroundin' farms, and things have grown even more since the railroad came through."
"We've been very lucky," agreed Lou, referring more to her sons than the ranch. Laying an affectionate hand on their future arrival she glanced lovingly at the Kid. The look of intimacy that passed between them excluded everyone else in the room, but only Jimmy seemed to be acutely aware of that fact. He glanced away hastily, for the first time noticing how close they were.
All those years ago he had watched the two of them fall in love and get married, but this was entirely different. This was something he would never be a part of, he knew deep down. Concealing the revelation within him behind a stony façade, Jimmy wandered over to the fireplace where he found the framed picture Ike had drawn of the other six riders.
"When are you gonna tell us what you been up to, son?" Teaspoon spoke up from the corner, as Adam clambered into his lap. "We ain't heard from you in so long, 'cept in stories."
"Well, there ain't much to tell really," said Jimmy, but the Kid would not let him get off so easily. After endless questions it was finally revealed that he had been involved in mostly covert operations against the South, as well as some slave smuggling before the emancipation. Jimmy knew they were just curious, but his answers became more abrupt with every utterance.
"What about Rosemary? Didn't you bring her with you?" Kid finally bit the bullet and brought up the one subject that had threatened to destroy their friendship. Time healed old wounds, and Kid was willing to forgive her for Noah's death, even if he couldn't forget.
"I haven't seen her in a coupla years," Jimmy replied in a dismissive tone. "I do believe she's real good friends with a married politician in Washington now."
No one said anything, Teaspoon raising his shaggy eyebrows in response.
"So, what do you have planned now, Jimmy?" asked Lou a little too brightly, trying to change the subject.
"I don't know," he replied curtly, suggesting his mind was still on Rosemary. "I thought I'd knock around Sweetwater a while, see what's happenin' round the place… Which is the best saloon in town? I could do with a hand or two of poker and some good whiskey."
"Ah, I don't really know, Jimmy," Kid said awkwardly. "We really don't have time for that sort of thing ourselves."
Jimmy laughed almost bitterly, his eyes dark and dangerous. "Don't tell me you're still a teetotaler, Kid? You're ain't workin' for Russell, Majors and Waddell no more."
"No, but I have more important things to do with my time here," came the surprised reply.
Teaspoon glanced down at Adam, refraining from getting in the middle of whatever was going on between the Kid and Jimmy. He learned long ago that the pair had their differences, and they were best left to sort it out themselves. Lou shifted uncomfortably in her seat and watched the anger building within her husband. She knew he was puzzled at the change in Jimmy's behavior more than anything—suddenly he was sullen and withdrawn, and she guessed that it had to do with more than just Rosemary Burke.
"You know, Jimmy," Kid tried again, "there's plenty of work to be done around the ranch… I mean, if you wanted to stay we could always do with an extra pair of hands."
"Thanks, Kid. But I stopped doin' menial work a long time ago," Jimmy said derisively, snatched up his hat from a side table and cleared his throat. "I think I'll head on into town a while and see if I can't rustle up a game of cards."
Tom had been sitting in the shadows hanging off Hickok's every word, but now he jumped hastily to his feet.
"Um, d'you mind if I come too? I could do with a drink myself." The young man's face was bursting with eagerness, despite the incredulous gasp that escaped Lou's lips. She knew, just as Kid and Teaspoon did, that Tom didn't drink.
"Well sure, Jenkins, it's a free country," shrugged Jimmy.
Tom grinned excitedly and ran out to get his horse back from Cholo. Jimmy glanced quickly at the others, wanting nothing more than to escape their questioning stares and hurt expressions. This wasn't what he came all this way for. The real reason was one that he couldn't admit, even to himself. Without an explanation he stalked towards the door, Kid and Lou following him, dismayed by his abrupt exit.
"But don't you want to stay for supper?" Lou cried after him. "Jimmy, you just got here!"
"Don't worry, Lou, we'll eat in town," Jimmy called over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around.
She said nothing as she and Kid stood on the porch and watched him ride off, not even waiting for Tom who had to gallop after him straight out of the stables. They watched until the riders were nothing more than billows of dust in the distance, blood red from the setting sun as it dipped behind the hills.
"What's happened to him?" Lou shook her head sadly. "'Wild Bill Hickok'?"
"I don't know," Kid said grimly as he placed an arm around her. "Maybe the reputation has finally caught up with the man… I never thought it would happen to Jimmy though."
He kissed her forehead absently and wandered back into the house in search of Jamie and Adam. Lou looked after him with concern, knowing how upset he felt after what Jimmy had said, particularly the crack about menial work. Only she knew just how hard the Kid had slaved for over five years to make something of the run down station—something for their children. Jimmy had degraded everything Kid had worked for right to his face. Her husband was a proud man and would never admit that he was hurt by the comment, but Lou knew all too well. Perhaps it had been unintentional, she thought to herself… but even she couldn't pretend that was true. She cradled her small belly for comfort and waited until the burning sun had disappeared completely before going back inside.