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AN: This is the LAST in the series that started with Silver Medals and Sweet Memories and includes Seek, And Ye Shall Find and Flowers on the Wall. The bodies of the men who had attacked Buck went unburied. Lou had considered it briefly but decided they probably wouldn’t have taken the time to bury her friend if they had won the battle. “Leave them to the animals,” she’d decided. Besides, she had better things to do than to spend most of a day digging three graves. Buck had awakened the next morning stiff and sore as she’d predicted but able to move well enough that the pair had started off towards Sam and Emma’s place. They’d stopped at the first town they’d come to and Lou had “convinced” the town’s doctor to look at Buck’s arm. He’d waited for her on the edge of town while she’d bought supplies to replace those his attackers had destroyed. They rode for the most part in companionable silence. While Lou had taken the time to tell Buck about her life in the intervening years, Buck had remained silent about his own. Her initial attempts to get him to talk had resulted in his telling her he didn’t want to talk about it. She sensed a pain in him and had let the subject drop. “The blond one is my son Zach.” The two of them had just topped the hill overlooking the Cain farmstead. “Good looking boy,” Buck responded. “He is,” Lou agreed proudly. “The other two are Sam and Emma’s boys. Sam Jr. is the taller one and the little one is Jack.” The trio below started waving excitedly as they noticed the pair on the hill. Jack ran towards the house and Buck could hear him calling to his ma and pa. A few seconds later Sam Cain stepped onto the porch to watch them. Lou picked up speed as they rode the last short distance to the yard. Buck followed more slowly watching as his friend swung from her horse to gather her son in a hug. Biting back the pain that swept over him at the sight, the man turned towards Sam forcing a smile to his face. Stepping down from his horse, Buck stepped forward hesitantly to meet his former friend. Sam showed no hesitation though as he moved to envelope Buck in a bone crushing hug . . . a hug that ended immediately at a gasp of pain from the younger man. “What’s wrong?” Sam asked worriedly. “Just a scratch,” Buck replied. “He was ambushed,” Lou corrected. “He’s lucky the other man’s knife only caught him in the arm.” “Ambushed?” Sam Cain was a lawman through and through. The fact that the man standing before him had been a good friend made him all the more concerned. “It’s no big deal,” Buck said simply, looking pointedly at the young boys who stood taking it all in. Sam caught his look and returned one of his own . . . a look that said he would let it be for now but be getting his answers later. “Buck, this is my son Zach,” Lou stated proudly, diverting the conversation. “You look a lot like your dad,” Buck said as they shook hands. “That’s what everyone says,” the boy replied. “I didn’t know him.” Buck felt the boy’s pain. “Maybe, sometime, we can talk and I’ll tell you some stories about your dad.” “I’d like that!” the boy told him. “Buck, I want you to meet my boys,” Sam interjected. “This is Sam Jr. and this is Jack.” Sam Jr. stepped forward immediately to offer the older man his hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Cross,” he said. “Call me Buck,” Buck told him. “Are you really an Injun?” Jack asked in the loud voice typical of a curious four-year old. “JACK!” Emma’s voice came from the doorway. “It’s okay,” Buck replied without looking up. “After all I am a . . .” His words caught in his throat as he got his first look at the very pregnant woman. He fought to keep the smile on his face. “I am an Indian,” he finished. “You boys take the horses to the barn and then get cleaned up for supper,” Emma ordered. Without thinking, Buck obediently started for the barn. “Buck!” Emma called him back with a laugh. “I didn’t mean you! Sam Jr. and Zach can look after the horses.” “Old habits die hard,” Sam said with a laugh. Buck grabbed his saddlebag then turned the reigns over to Lou’s son. He stood there almost shyly wondering what to do next. Emma solved his problem for him. She stepped down from the porch and pulled him in to an embrace almost as strong as her husband’s though mindful of his injured arm. “It has been too long, young man,” she declared. “Well, I . . . I uh,” Buck stammered. “It’s not important,” Emma interrupted. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters!” Turning back towards the house, she called over her shoulder. “You and Lou get cleaned up and then I’m going to feed you the best supper you’ve had in years.” “Won’t take much,” Buck muttered as he and Lou moved to do as they were told.
“You didn’t tell me Emma was going to have a baby,” Buck said once he and Lou were alone. “Buck, Emma’s going to have a baby,” Lou joked. Seeing the serious look on his face, she sobered and said. “I didn’t think it was that important. Would it have made a difference?” “It might have,” Buck muttered under his breath. At her questioning look, he spoke louder, “No, I guess not.” “Buck, what’s wrong?” the woman asked. “Nothing,” he replied. “It’s not ‘nothing’,” Lou countered. “I saw the look you gave her when she stepped out on the porch. You looked like you’d seen a ghost or something.” “It’s nothing!” Buck repeated more adamantly. “I just want to help . . . “ “Let it be, Lou,” Buck cut her off. “Just let it be.” She reached out to touch his arm but he pulled away. “Let it be,” he repeated as he turned toward the house.
Supper was as good as Emma had promised it would be. The group spent a pleasant evening talking about this and that until the boys were finally sent to bed. Once they were safely tucked in their beds and out of earshot, Sam began to interrogate Lou and Buck about the ambush. He wasn’t satisfied with all of the answers but had to settle for what he was given. “You should have reported it to the sheriff,” he reprimanded the pair. “Not everyone’s like you, Sam,” Buck countered. “Most likely, if we’d gone to report it, I’d’ve ended up being hung for shooting a white man.” “It was three against one—until Lou showed up,” Sam argued. “Doesn’t matter,” the younger man countered. “Most people would see it as an Indian slaughtering three white men – probably shot ‘em in the back or while they were sleeping.” “I shot the last one,” Lou reminded him. “As if anyone would believe that,” Buck snorted. “You haven’t had to deal with the kind of things I’ve had to deal with,” he continued more softly. “People always assume the worst when it comes to Indians and even more-so when they realize I’m a half-breed.” “Is that what happened in Rawlings?” Emma asked bluntly. “Did you go to prison because you were an Indian?” Buck started to respond, then sighed. “I went to prison because I got into a fight with a couple of men. I nearly killed one of them. The judge and jury found me guilty of assault and battery. They could have gone for attempted murder if they’d’ve wanted to.” “Why did you do it?” Sam asked. “I was drunk,” the other man replied simply. “You don’t drink,” Lou stated. “I don’t anymore,” Buck said. “Eighteen months in prison made that next to impossible.” Emma looked at him pensively. “So why were you drinking?” she asked. “It doesn’t matter,” Buck answered sharply. Before the others could say another word, he stood and left the room. Lou started to go after him but Emma stopped her. “Let him go,” she told the younger woman. “He’ll tell us when he’s ready.” “If we push him,” Sam agreed, “we’ll lose him again.”
Breakfast the next morning was a tense affair, made even more so by the fact that Emma was obviously uncomfortable. She and Lou had barely finished the dishes when she turned to Sam with a pained look on her face. “I think it’s time,” she told her husband. The next few minutes were a blur to all concerned as the family prepared for the arrival of a new member. Lou took charge quickly, helping Emma to her bedroom while ordering Sam to send someone for the doctor. Buck stood in the middle of the kitchen looking lost until Lou told him to put some water on to boil. By the time the Sam Jr. returned with the doctor, everything was ready. As she shooed the men folk from the house with orders not to come back until she called them, Lou noticed that Buck was not among the group, but at that point in time she had far more important things on her mind than her missing friend. It wasn’t until much later, after handing Sam his new daughter, that she began to worry. “Have you seen Buck?” she asked the boys. “Not since before the doc got here,” Zach replied. “He was gone when I got back from town,” Sam Jr. agreed. “When Ma started crying, he left,” the ever-observant Jack told her. “Left?” “Yep, he saddled up his horse and rode off towards town,” the boy explained. Sam looked up from where he’d been dutifully counting the fingers and toes of the newest Cain. Seeing the concerned look on Lou’s face, he started to hand the baby back to her. “I’ll go after him,” he said quietly. “No, you stay here, Sam,” Lou refused. “I’ll go.” It wasn’t that hard to follow Buck’s trail into town and even easier to spot his horse in front of the saloon. Lou stood in the doorway waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the large room. Finally she spotted Buck sitting in the corner, a glass of brown liquid in front of him. He didn’t look up as she walked to his table or even seem to notice her when she pulled out a chair and sat down. She waited patiently until he finally decided she wasn’t going to go away and acknowledged her presence. “Is Emma okay?” he asked quietly. “She’s fine,” Lou replied. “The baby is a healthy and beautiful girl.” “That’s good,” Buck whispered. “So you going to tell me why you ran off?” she asked bluntly. “I didn’t ‘run off’,” he argued. “Funny, I’ve always considered riding off without telling anyone where you were going or why exactly that,” Lou said angrily. He looked up, a flash of anger in his eyes. “You had everything taken care of,” he countered. “You didn’t need me around.” “I see,” she replied. “So you figured on coming to town and getting drunk instead.” “I’m not drunk!” he retorted. “What do you call this?” Lou responded picking up the glass that sat on the table. “I bought it,” Buck answered. “But buying it ain’t drinking it.” “Buck,” Lou sighed in exasperation. “You know you can talk to me about anything, no matter what it is. There’s nothing you could do or have done that I won’t understand and accept.” He started to speak but she interrupted him. “And you know that nothing you say to me will go any farther than this table if you don’t want it to.” “Now,” she continued firmly, “you’re going to tell someone what’s been bothering you and I’m going to be that someone. After you tell me, we’ll figure out how to deal with it together.” Buck considered getting up and leaving but some thought led him to the conclusion that, most likely, she’d just track him down again. He found himself wondering how she’d learned to track so well – then realized he’d probably taught her himself. Lou was one of the most determined people he’d ever met and he knew she wasn’t going to just leave him alone. More importantly, he suddenly decided, nothing had changed from when they had lived and worked together ten years earlier. He could still trust her the way he’d come to trust her all those years ago. He reached into his pocket then and pulled out a well-worn photograph. Pushing it across the table, he said, “This is Darcy . . . she was my wife.”
“No wonder you were upset to find out Emma was expecting,” Lou said quietly some time later. “I was seeing Darcy – and what happened to her – all over again,” Buck replied with a nod. “But it didn’t,” Lou reminded him. “Because the doctor was there,” the man countered. “I let Darcy talk me out of moving to the city until the baby was born. If only I’d . . .” “You don’t know that,” Lou interrupted sharply. “There’s no saying that a doctor would have been able to save Darcy or the baby.” “That’s what they kept telling me,” Buck lamented. “But we’ll never know because I didn’t make her go.” “Sounds to me,” Lou mused, “that Darcy was a strong-minded woman. Seems to me like she didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do – and you couldn’t have made her.” “She was pretty stubborn,” her friend agreed. “But I should have tried harder.” “Buck, there’s something I’ve learned over the past few years,” Lou told him. She waited until she was sure she had his attention before continuing. “There are some things we can change – and we should. There are some things we can’t change – and no matter what we do we’re not gonna change them. The only thing we can ask for is for God to give us the wisdom to know which is which.” Handing Darcy’s picture back to him, she watched as he tenderly held it. “Do you think I didn’t blame myself for letting Kid go off to the war? Do you think I didn’t beat myself up thinking if only I’d made him stay with me, he’d still be alive?” “There was no way you could have stopped him from going . . .” Buck began. He paused for a second then let out a short laugh. “Guess we both ended up with a couple of mulish people.” “We sure did,” Lou agreed. “One thing we’ll always have is the memories of the good times. I know, for me, the good times help me deal with the bad.” “When did you get to be so smart?” Buck asked as he put Darcy’s picture back into his pocket. “I always have been,” she replied immodestly. “The rest of you were just too stubborn to see it.” “I just miss her so much,” he told her sadly. “I thought I’d finally found a perfect place for me to be.” Impulsively, Lou stood and moved around the table to give her friend a hug. “You found it once,” she whispered. “So did I. Now all we have to do is find it again.” “Got any ideas how we go about doing that?” he asked, returning the hug. “Not a one,” she laughed. “But I’ll think of something.” He stood then and taking her by the arm started for the door. “What about the drink?” she asked. “Don’t need it,” he replied. “Besides it’s not good to have whiskey breath around babies.” “That’s true,” Lou agreed as they stepped out into the sunlight. “Wait till you see her! They’ve decided to name her Julia and she’s going to have the boys and Sam wrapped around her little finger in no time.”
I’ll be the one
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