Challenged to Write at least 11 Stories: 1 for each character in this list: Teaspon, Rachel, Sam, Emma, Tompkins, Ike, Buck, Lou, Jimmy, Cody There were 33 songs to choose from, all of the songs are in the Statler Brothers famous four part harmony. This is catsimmie's 2nd set... she's finished her first 11. Character Title Summary Sam I Know What I Saw, I Was There! Statler Song: I Was There Sam can't believe his eyes when he sees The Kid and Lou kissing at the dance and goes to Emma for advice. Lou Almost Persuaded Lou's worse nightmare has come back to haunt her. How far will she go to keep him from ruining her life again? (Episode Reference: Good Night Sweet Charlotte). Kid This Ole House Kid says goodbye to his old life as a new one begins. Emma There's a Man in There Emma realizes immediately that there's something different about one of her new riders. Can she get Lou to open up? Lou Funny Forgotten Feelings Lou reveals her secret to the others, now that Kid and Jimmy know, but will they force her to leave or make her remember what it feels like to be a girl again? Jimmy My Past is Looking Brighter Jimmy can't believe it when he hears Lou's secret and now has to deal with the feelings he's having. Cody What Do I Care Cody opens his mouth before he thinks when he learns Lou's secret, but how much worse can he make it? Ike Woman Without A Home Ike realized early on there's something different about one of the other riders, but can help the others feel more at ease when they learn the truth? Teaspoon Everytime I Trust a Girl Teaspoon gets the shock of his life while having some fun. Buck The Dreamer Buck develops feelings for Lou when he learns her secret, but is it because he wasn't able to protect someone else he cared for? I Know What I Saw, I Was There! AN: Big thanks to Rain for giving me the plot bunny on this one. Sam knew something wasn’t right with Elizabeth. He’d seen her inside at the dance talking to Malone and soon after he left, she’d come outside after him. Teaspoon was a good friend, and if his daughter was up to no good, Sam felt like he should be the one to let Teaspoon know. Sam lit his cigar and heard a noise coming from the corral. Thinking that was where Lucas and Elizabeth were talking he headed over there. Instead he saw what looked like Kid dancing with someone. “Way to go Kid,” Sam thought as he chuckled. Kid had spent most of the night helping out at the food table, but apparently at some point he’d caught the fancy of one of Sweetwater’s fine young ladies. Sam was hoping to find out who the lucky girl was when they turned around. “Lou?” Sam was puzzled. Sure Lou and The Kid were always together, but Sam figured they were close like Buck and Ike. But to see them dancing together and now they were kissing! There was no mistaking that it was Kid and Lou, Sam could hear Lou’s nervous laugh. Sam thought he must be seeing things. He knew that this kind of thing existed; he just never thought it would happen in Sweetwater or that he’d ever see it first hand. Torn between saying something to the couple and looking for Emma, he forgot why he’d come outside in the first place. If anyone could explain what he just witnessed, she could. She’d taken to all the boys as if they were her own. As he headed back to where the dance was being held, he saw Elizabeth talking and finally remembered why he’d come outside to begin with. He looked for a place where he could overhear the conversation without being noticed. His conversation with Emma would have to wait. ~~~ Torn between what he told Teaspoon and what he’d had witnessed between Kid and Lou, Sam didn’t sleep much that night. Luckily, Ben had been their only guest in the jail last night, as he was most nights. Usually after dinner, Ben would soon fall asleep, and that left plenty of opportunity for Sam to try and figure things out. Setting off early so he could check on Teaspoon and speak to Emma, he left Barnett in charge and headed out. He rode up as Elizabeth was pulling off in the buckboard. “Why Sam,” Emma said. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” “Emma can we talk?” “Sure Sam, come on in. We’ve already had breakfast, but can I get you some coffee? You look like you need some.” Sam nodded and got down off his horse and followed Emma inside the house. Even though he’d been thinking about it all night, he still had no idea how to broach the subject with her. He waited until they were seated on the coach before beginning. “Emma, I saw somethin’ last night, that’s been botherin’ me ever since. I figured if anyone could make sense of it, it’d be you.” “Well I can’t promise you anything, but what did you see?” “I went outside to get some fresh air. Well I heard a noise by the corral and looked over to see The Kid dancin’.” Emma chuckled. “Well there’s nothin’ wrong with dancin’ Sam. If I recall correctly, we even shared a dance or two.” “Well that’s the difference. It wasn’t what he was doin’ but who he was doin’ it with.” Emma knew what was coming. She’d had a feeling Kid and Lou had stolen a few moments alone together, but she doubted they’d expected to be caught. They didn’t even know that Emma knew Lou’s secret, and she wasn’t sure who else knew. “Now Sam, I’m sure it wasn’t what you thought it was.” “Emma,” he said as he stood and started to pace the room. “I know what I saw, I was there! Now I know this kinda thing happens…” “What kind of things? Sam what exactly did you see?” “Well they started kissin’ Emma, right there where I could see it, where anyone walking behind the barn could see them. You know I never expected to see that kind of thing…” “Sam, what kind of thing?” “Aw Emma, are you gonna make me say it?” Emma nodded. “Those two boys were kissin’ and carryin’ on.” Emma laughed at Sam’s flustered state. “It’s not funny Emma, it just ain’t right, I tell ya.” “Well Sam, you’re right about somethin’ not bein’ right, but it’s not what you think.” “Well what else could it be?” Emma patted the seat next to her and Sam sat down. “Sam, first of all, they have no idea that I know what you’re about to learn. I don’t know if any of the other boys know either, so you have to keep this between us ok?” Sam nodded as Emma continued. “What’s the first thing you notice about Lou?” “That he’s small for his age? The other boys have already filled out. Maybe he’s just a late bloomer, I was.” “Or maybe Lou’s not so small for Lou’s age? Maybe Lou’s about the right size. Maybe about the size I was when I was around that age?” “What does you bein’ small for your age have anything to do with…” Sam shook his head as the pieces started to come together. “You don’t mean?” Emma nodded. “He’s a she? How? Why?” “I don’t know Sam, but she’s proven herself to me and to the rest of the boys, and I don’t see any problems with lettin’ her go on doin’ what she does best.” Sam continued to shake his head in disbelief. That was the one thing he wasn’t prepared for. “Well now things make more sense. I was really beginnin’ to worry there. But Emma,” Sam said with a sad look in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “She must have her reasons for doin’ what she’s doin’, and until she’s ready to share them, it ain’t nobody’s business but her own. Do I make myself clear?” Almost Persuaded “Don’t move!” I threaten as I grab his gun and aim it right at his heart. I’ve never been so tempted to kill someone in my life. I’ve only been this scared once, and the man in front of me is the reason why. Now I have the chance to do something about it. “This is for Charlotte.” “Charlotte killed herself, it wasn’t me...” He may not have pulled the trigger, but it was her fear of him that made her take her own life. Like me, Charlotte would rather die than let this man control her again. “Like Hell!” I spit out in anger. “You’re not gonna shoot me... You don’t have it in you.” He’s grinning. He doesn’t believe I can do it. “No?” I cock the trigger and aim at his shoulder. I shoot and miss, but I missed on purpose. I want to see the fear in his eyes that he once put in mine. This man stole my life from me; he became the reason that for the past six years I’ve had to live a life in fear. How many nights have I awoken in a cold sweat because of him plaguing my dreams? Because of this man, I found it hard to trust others and let them get close to me. If it weren’t for him, I could have had a normal life. I could have become a young woman and lived like other girls my age. Instead I’ve had to live my life as a man just to survive. Everyday since I escaped, I lived in fear that he would find me. Now that he has, I’m ready to face him, to take control of my life again. “How’s it feel havin’ someone else in control? Afraid? I think you’re real afraid. You should be.” I cock the trigger again. I shoot again towards his other shoulder. Again I miss. “How’s it feel Wicks? You like it? Damn you, answer me! Do you like it?” I hear someone ride up behind me. I know instantly that it’s Kid. I don’t want him to see me like this. I’m not ready for him to know everything yet. I’m scared how he’ll see me when we’re together. Will he still love me when he finds out? “Lou!” I turn to look at him briefly. I’m scared if I look away too long, my chance with Wicks will end. “Get outta here Kid.” I turn back towards Wicks and see the fear that’s just starting to sink in. He knows I’m serious and want him to pay. I never want him to do to another young girl what he did to me. No one should ever have to go through that. “Why? So you can murder him?” “Maybe.” I shoot twice more at Wick’s feet and then at his hand, missing each time, but getting closer to the target than before. With each miss he’s realizing I’m not the scared young girl I once was. I’ve made up my mind. The only way to end this is to end his life once and for all. I cock the gun one last time and aim at his chest. Finally I see the look on his face that I had on mine when he forced himself on me all those years ago. I pull the trigger and he flinches. But the gun is empty. For some reason I start to laugh. I realize no matter what I do, nothing can change the past. Killing him won’t change the fact that he raped me; it won’t change the person who I’ve become. If anything, it would make me as cold and heartless as he is. It finally sinks in that I had almost persuaded myself to kill a man in cold blood. I’ve never done that before and it worries me. When I killed DeWitt last year, it was more in self-defense than in cold hatred. I turn to look at Kid and see the worried expression on his face. He knows something has to be terribly wrong for me to do what he’s just witnessed. I can’t look at him now either. “Take care of him Kid,” I say as I walk away with my head hanging down. Wicks must have made a move towards me as I hear Kid draw and cock the trigger of his gun. My breath catches as I realize Kid loves me enough that he would kill someone for me without even knowing why. This Ole House Kid looked at the house knowing it was most likely for the last time. This house held so many memories for him, but it was no longer home. It was someone else's home now, and he was on his own. But as he walked around the property, memories he had long forgotten, or at least tried to, seemed to haunt him. There were the back porch steps where his father had pushed his mother after she burned a dinner. Kid had only been about three at the time, and it wasn't the first memory he had of his father hurting his mother. And it definitely wasn't his last. It hadn't been her fault either. His father had come in from the fields that day in a bad mood. He had wanted to know why dinner wasn't on the table and had continued to yell at her then he started throwing things. Kid's mother was too busy picking up the shards from the pitcher that had been on the table to notice the smell of burnt roast coming from the oven. Jed had tried defending their mother, but wound up unconscious on the floor as their father had grabbed their mother with one hand, the burnt roast with the other, and threw them both down those steps. It wasn't a far drop, but he pushed her down hard enough to break a few ribs. Kid had just stared at his father frightened. As he walked towards the back of the property, he came to the creek where he, Jed and their friends had so often gone swimming or hunting for frogs. It was also the place Jed had said goodbye. "You understand why I'm leavin' don't ya Kid?" Jed said, as he looked down at his little brother. Kid shook his head vigorously as the tears streamed from his blue eyes. "Pa took off Jed, you ain't gotta go." "Yeah I do. He's run off before and he always comes back drunker and meaner than when he left." "Why can't I go with ya? I promise I'll be real good." "I know you would and I'd really like you to, but you're just too young. You need to stay here with momma and protect her." "But how? I'm only eight and Pa's too strong." Jed pulled him into a tight embrace. "Well you'll just have to get stronger than he is. I gotta get outta here before I kill him. When I went into town today, people started askin' questions about my arm. Wanted to know how I broke it. I couldn't tell them the truth; they'd never have believed me." "Where ya goin'?" Jed shook his head. "I don't know yet. Even if I did, it's better you not knowin'. Pa'd beat ya somethin' fierce if he knew. He ain't gonna be happy when he finds I left." "I'll miss you." "I'll miss you to Kid. But you're tougher than you think. You can survive better than I can. Promise me you'll take real good care of momma for me ok?" Kid nodded. "If you ever need help, you got some real good friends. Go see the Maxwell's. Garth's family will help ya out and Doritha's will too. Understand?" Kid nodded again. "Take care Kid." Kid remembered watching as his brother walked away never knowing if he'd ever see him again. Their momma died not knowing where her eldest son was or if he was even alive. As Kid walked back to the front of the house, he still didn't know what he was going to do. Times were getting tougher and neither Garth or Doritha's family had been willing to take on another mouth to feed. Doritha's family had given him enough money to pay off his family debts and to give his momma a proper burial, but they had hoped it would encourage him to stick around and marry their eldest daughter. Everyone had assumed they would one day marry, they'd been practically engaged from the cradle. But Kid was scared. Everyone he ever loved had left him; first Jed, and now his momma. He couldn't handle it if Doritha left him, and without anything to call his own, what could he offer her? "Kid where are you?" Kid heard Garth calling as he rounded the front of the house. Garth stood on the wrap around porch while Doritha sat on the porch swing crying. Garth saw Kid walking towards them and met him halfway. "Are you sure about this?" Kid nodded and kicked the dirt at his feet. "Ain't got much of a choice." "What are you gonna do?" Kid shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe try and find Jed or head out west somewhere. There's nothin' left for me here." "What about me?" Doritha said joining the two men. "I'm still here," she said as her sobs grew louder and Kid hugged her. "But I ain't got nothin' to offer you. No job, no family, no home..." "Your momma always said home is where the heart is. Where ever we are together will be our home. Please Kid, don't go. I love you." Garth sensing the couple needed some time alone, walked back to the porch. "I love you too and I promise you, once I get settled and get some money, I'll send for you. We're too young right now to get married but in a coupla months, you can come out and we'll get married then. Right now, I need to leave and start over. Please understand." Doritha nodded and wiped the tears from her face. "Here, take this." She reached into the pocket of her riding skirt and pulled out a wad of bills. "It's not much, but this should help." Kid shook his head. "I can't take that Doritha. You're family has already given me so much money that I don't know when I'll be able to pay them back." Doritha placed it in his hand. "This isn't from them. It's from me and Garth. You might need it where you're goin'." Kid nodded and nodded towards Garth. "I better get goin' before it gets dark. Garth once again joined the couple and then shook Kid's hand. "Take care Kid. If you ever need anything..." Kid took one last look at his friends, and then at the house he'd been born and raised in. He walked away knowing he was on his own now and things would never be the same. "Garth, why couldn't he stay? Why did he have to leave?" Doritha cried as she watched her best friend leave. "He had to Doritha. This ole house just holds to many painful memories for him. He needs to make it on his own. He'll be back one day. We haven't seen the last of Kid." There's a Man In There Emma Shannon watched throughout the day as the riders for the new Pony Express Station arrived and settled in. She had already had to fend of advances from the blonde rider, temporarily taken the gun from a hair triggered brunette who thought shooting at the clothes pins on the laundry line was funny, watched as the mute and his Indian friend gently tended to an injured horse, and watched the silent southerner find his bunk, unpack his few belongings and then lie on his bunk staring at the one above him for the rest of the day. But her attention had immediately been drawn to the smallest of the riders. He'd hardly said more than two words since he had arrived, and that had been when he introduced himself. Now as she watched him show Teaspoon his riding skills, there was just something she couldn't put her finger on about him. After dinner, the boys decided to head to the swimming hole for a swim and invited Lou to go with them. "You comin' Lou?" Jimmy asked. "No," Lou's voice cracked, and immediately Emma realized what was different about Lou. "Uhm, I think I'll just get settled in. You guys can go on without me." The other boys nodded and took off. Emma put down the dish she was drying and approached the small rider. "Everything alright, Lou?" "Fine, Emma. Just don't feel like goin' swimming." Lou waited a few minutes before grabbing a towel and a change of clothes and headed behind the bunkhouse towards the showers. Emma shook her head. How long does she think she can pull this off? She asked herself. Why would she even sign up for such a dangerous job like this? Doesn't she have family to take care of her? Then Emma remembered the file Russell, Majors and Waddell had sent on each of the employees. Lou was an orphan like the others and had been on her own for some time. "Well they don't know everything about them," she said out loud as she returned to the dishes. Unfortunately Lou had chosen that moment to return. "Did you say something to me, Emma?" Emma gathered up what she needed to take back to the main house and walked towards the door. She placed her hand on the young girls' shoulder. "No, I was just talkin' to myself. You know Lou; anytime you need to talk just know that I'm here for you boys. If you need to talk about anything at all, you boys' secrets are safe with me." Lou looked at the station mistress oddly. She can't know... If she did my job is over. They'd fire me if they knew. Lou swallowed hard as she often did before speaking in her masculine voice. "Uh, thanks Emma, I'll keep that in mind." Emma nodded and headed out of the bunkhouse. ~~ 1 Week Later ~~ The riders had just returned from bringing in the gang they had encountered in town with Sam days earlier. Emma had been worried sick when Ike came riding back for the guns and saying one of the riders had been injured. Now her heart flew to her throat as she realized Lou was the one walking slowly. "You alright, Lou?" Emma asked concerned. She could see no outward injuries which meant her clothes must have been hiding the injury. And depending where, it could be trouble, for Emma knew Lou was not about to ask for help in tending to her wounds, for fear one of the others might learn her secret. "Just fine, Emma. Bullet just grazed me and I bruised a few ribs. Nothin' I can't take care of myself." Emma noticed the look Kid gave Lou and wondered what it meant. "Well if you need help changin' the bandage or just want to talk, you know where to find me." "Thanks, Emma. I'll keep that in mind," she said before leading her horse to the barn. Emma heard Kid as he urged her to listen to Emma, and Emma realized that not only that he knew her secret, he didn't seem too happy about it. Over the next few weeks, Emma admired Lou's tenacity. Emma longed to find out what drove the poor girl to live her life dressed as a boy and work herself harder than the others. She also realized that despite his misgivings about keeping Lou's secret, Kid and Lou had developed a close friendship. Emma wished Lou's life was different so she and Kid could discover each other like a regular couple, but knew as long as Lou had to prove herself, the poor girl would never have a regular life. The final straw had come one day when Emma was cleaning out the bunkhouse. There had been a family of rodents that had taken up residence, and concerned for the safety of the riders, Emma set out determined to find out the source of the rodent attraction. Checking under the mattresses of the riders, she was pretty sure Cody's stash of candy was the source of attraction. But making sure no one else had anything hidden, her heart broke as she lifted up Lou's mattress and saw the pink and white striped dress. If she has this hidden in here with the others, I wonder if they all know? Emma asked herself. They must know, and I think it's time they see just how she really is. Emma went back into the house and started to prepare a bath. It was time Lou knew that she wasn't alone anymore. Emma wanted her to feel like a girl for once, wanted her to feel special. When everything was ready, she called out to where Ike and Lou were grooming Lighting. "Lou, can you come in here for a minute?" "Sure," she answered as Emma watched her button the top buttons on her shirt. Emma headed back inside and up the stairs to make one last check on everything. She heard Lou knock and then enter. "Emma? You wanted to see me?" Lou asked as Emma walked down the stairs. "I wanna try somethin'. Come here." Emma removed Lou's glasses and saw Lou lowered her face." How could anyone not see her for what she really is? Emma thought as she lifted Lou's face. "That's better. You got nice eyes." "Thanks." Lou said shrugging. Emma could tell she was making the girl nervous and knew it was only going to get better. Emma removed Lou's hat. "Your face is real pretty too," she said brushing some of her hair back away from her face. "You shouldn't hide it the way you always do." "That so?" "Uh-huh," Emma nodded as she smiled sweetly. "You know, I've always liked you." Lou looked very uncomfortable and started to look towards the door. "Oh yeah? I a have to go, Emma." "Why? What's the matter?" Emma decided it was time to put the girl out of her misery. She crossed the room to the trunk and opened it. "I a... I have to go help Ike?" "I am just trying to tell you, how attractive you are." "Now hold it, Emma!" Lou hollered. Emma pulled the dress from the trunk and held it up to Lou. "I think you'd look a whole lot better in this. I'd love to see it on you." Emma watched as the emotions passed over Lou's face. She covered her eyes in embarrassment before clutching the dress tightly to her and lowering her head. "I knew I shouldn't a bought this dress." Emma took the dress from Lou's grasp and held it back up to her. "Well why not, it's lovely. Besides," she said lifting Lou's face so she could see the sincerity in her eyes. "I knew a long time before I saw this pokin' out from your mattress." "How long?" "Well right from the first." The ladies crossed over to the settee and sat down. "But I admired your spunk." Lou clutched the dress again. "And I didn't see no reason why you shouldn't have the same chance as the boys." Lou folded the dress and placed it in her lap. "I appreciate that Emma, it hadn't been easy." "Well I know that, and that's why I thought we should have this little talk." Emma shook her head, trying to fight back the tears as she realized just how hard it had been for Lou. "When I found that dress it near broke my heart. I 'member a while back at that dance, you watchin' all those pretty girls in their fine clothes. Musta hurt real bad." Lou nodded before looking away. "But... Now you have another woman to talk to." Lou looked around uncertain. "What about my job? Company'll fire me." Emma smiled. "Well who's gonna tell them? Anyway, you're one of the best riders we got." "And Teaspoon," she said still worried. Emma chuckled. "Well as long as he's in the dark, there's now law that says we got to show him the light." Both women laughed before hugging. Lou felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Until now, she could only confide in Kid, but now she had a friend, another woman to come to when it came to advice; especially when it came to her feelings with Kid, and now DeWitt. "Do the others know?" Emma asked as they pulled apart. Lou nodded. "Have they seen you in a dress before?" Lou shook her head and blushed as she recalled Kid's reaction when he first saw her in a dress a few days before the others learned her secret. "Well Kid has but..." "Well then it's about time, don't you think?" Emma stood and grabbed Lou's hand. "Take that on upstairs. There's a bath waiting for you, and when you're done, let me know and I'll get the boys, okay?" Lou shook her head, "I'm not sure... What if Teaspoon..." "Don't worry about Mr. Spoon, Sam's keeping him busy all day. Go on now, and if you need anything, just holler, alright?" Lou nodded and started up the stairs. She paused half way and looked back towards Emma. "Thanks, Emma." Emma smiled and nodded. There may be a man in there, but it's time they see the woman in her. Funny Forgotten Feelings "That's impossible. I had two daughters and one son," the man holding Jimmy hostage said. Lou thought of her next words carefully. There was no way out of it, Jimmy was about to learn her secret. "You still do." "Louise," her father, a man who she hadn't seen in over ten years hoarsely whispered. As soon as she saw the look on Jimmy's face she knew she was in trouble. Surprise, confusion, anger, and something else flashed through his eyes as he looked her over. Asking Kid to keep her secret was one thing, but she couldn't ask that of Jimmy. It was time to tell the others. The rest of the events flew by in a haze. She barely recalled Kid pulling the trigger to the man who held her family captive once again. Could barely recall kneeling by his side as he took his last breath saying he had come for her as well, and then Kid's gentle arms helping her out the door. It wasn't until they made camp after dropping her brother and sister off at the orphanage that things began to sink in. Jimmy and Kid sat quietly while the others continued to talk about the events that had happened. Lou needed a break and got up to walk towards a nearby small stream. She wasn't surprised when Kid followed her. "You ok, Lou?" He asked cautiously. She shook her head. "I have to tell the others." Kid placed his hand on her shoulder and shook his head, "No you don't. Jimmy'll keep your secret, just like I have." "No, it wasn't right of me to ask that of you in the first place. I can't ask Jimmy to do the same. If Teaspoon were to find out, all three of us would be out of work." Back at the camp, Jimmy noticed Lou and Kid walk off together. From the moment he heard the words come out of Lou's mouth, he noticed Kid wasn't surprised. He should've known Kid knew Lou's secret. Things like that were starting to make sense to him now when it came to those two. Both had been secretive around the others, but seemed drawn to each other. "I'm headin' to the creek to wash up before turnin' in," Buck said walking towards Jimmy. "No!" Jimmy said a little too sharply. He wasn't sure what Kid and Lou were doing, but they probably wanted to do it in private. Especially if she was bathing while Kid stood guard. "Why not?" Cody asked coming up behind Buck. "It's been a long day and we just want to clean up and turn in." "Kid and Lou are down there talkin'. He's probably apologizin' for killin' Boggs. Give them some time alone to work it out." The other riders nodded and went back to the campfire. Jimmy was relieved when Kid and Lou returned a few minutes later. Lou walked over to Jimmy. "Jimmy, can I talk to you for a moment?" She asked gesturing she wanted to speak to him away from the others. "Alright, Lou." The walked towards the creek and stopped when they were out of earshot from the others. "Jimmy..." she started as Jimmy started to speak as well. "Go ahead, Lou. Ladies first," he said grinning. Lou chuckled. "I want you to know that I'm gonna tell the others, but I wanted to talk to you first. I'm sorry..." "Lou, you don't have to tell them, I'll keep your secret." "I can't ask that of you Jimmy. It's time the others know. Kid has known almost since the beginning and it's been hard for him. Once all of you know, I'll do what ever you decide." "What do you mean?" "If you all want me to leave, I will. It's going to be pretty awkward now that you guys know, and I don't want that. I don't want to go, but if that's what you all decide, then I'll part ways at daybreak." Before Jimmy could start to protest, Lou walked away and back towards the group. He slowly followed her, wondering how the others would react. Kid stood up as she approached with pleading in his eyes. "Are you sure about this, Lou?" Lou nodded and sat down. "I have an announcement to make." "What's up, Lou?" Cody asked curiously. She was surprised that out of all of them, Cody never figured out her secret. "First off, I want you guys to know, what ever you decide, I'll abide by it. If you want me to leave, I will. I don't want to put you in any more of an awkward situation. And second of all, my name isn't Lou, it's..." ** What are you talking about? What do you mean your name ain't Lou? ** Ike signed quickly. Lou took a deep breath. The moment she'd been dreading these past few months had finally arrived. She looked towards both Kid and Jimmy who nodded for her to go ahead. Both smiled and she knew that she had their support. "My name isn't Lou... It's..." She buried her face in her hands and growled. This was so much harder than she imagined. Knowing the best way to get it over with was just to come right out, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked straight at her remaining friends. "It's Louise. Louise McCloud." Silence enveloped the camp, even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Lou turned and ran back towards the creek. Jimmy started to follow her but Kid pulled him back. "Let her go, Jimmy." Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" Jimmy and Kid nodded. "Since when?" "I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," Jimmy answered. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?" "More importantly," Cody asked. "How?" Kid shook his head and went after Lou. He sighed as he heard her sobs, and sat down beside her pulling her into his arms. "You okay, Lou?" "It's funny. All this time I tried so hard not to act like a girl because I didn't want anyone else to know, and now that they do, here I am cryin' like one." Kid chuckled. "I think you're entitled to it. After all, you are a girl. And now that they know, you can start actin' like a girl some. Maybe I'll even get to see you in that dress again," Kid said smiling at her. "If they let me stay." Lou really didn't want to leave. Just hours before she told her brother and sister she had a good job and would soon be able to provide them the home they deserved. "What happened after I left?" "They have a bunch of questions, but they seemed to accept it. Lou, I..." Kid was about to lean in to kiss her when he heard footsteps behind them. "Lou, you alright?" Lou turned to see Jimmy and the others walking towards them. She sighed at the interruption, sure that Kid had been about to kiss her. Wiping her tears away, she could just nod. "Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya." Lou watched as Cody stepped forward first, holding something behind his back. "Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grinned bringing a single wildflower from behind his back. "Same here goes for us," Buck said pointing to Ike as well before both handed her flowers as well. Lou felt Kid squeeze her shoulders and she chuckled. It was their simple way of letting her know that they had accepted her for what and who she was. It had been so long since she had remembered how good it felt to be a girl, but she knew things were going to be better from here on out. My Past is Looking Brighter "That's impossible. I had two daughters and one son," the man holding me hostage says. "You still do." My head snaps up as Lou's words sank in. Does that mean... No... He can't be... I mean she can't be... Lou's a girl? "Louise," her father whispered. I look at him and then at Lou. I'm trying to see what I couldn't before. My gaze keeps running up and down her body and I wonder why I didn't see it sooner. I'm standing here with a gun to my back and all I can think of as I listen to how her mother left to protect her and her brother and sister from the man holding the gun on me, is what else has happened in her short life that would make her disguise herself as a boy? "So he can grow up to be like you? So he can learn to whip people 'cause it's good business. Kill 'em 'cause it's easier than trustin' them? You wanna stop me, you're gonna have to kill me." I have so many feelings running through me... shock, anger, confusion... I barely hear what she says. I hear Boggs holler out and I realize he's drawing his gun to aim at her. I'm not sure if it's my sudden need to make sure she's safe or my instinct to run or stay and fight, but I try to knock the gun out of his hand. "Kid!" I yell out, distracting Boggs long enough for Kid to scramble towards his weapon. Boggs knocks me to the ground and I watch as Kid aims and drops him. I get up and walk to where Lou and her brother and sister are huddled. I can't even look at her now. I'm not sure what to say or do so I look down at Teresa and make sure she's all right. Lou walks over to where her father lays dying and I know I need to get the children away from this. They don't need to see it. I check to see if the coast is clear and come back to lead the kids outside. "Kid, let's go!" I call out. Kid has his arm on Lou's shoulder as he whispers to her. He helps her up and I feel a bit envious as we meet up with the others outside. All these thoughts are running through my head as we head to the orphanage. Lou keeps looking my way and when she catches me staring and I turn my head away. As she's saying goodbye to her brother and sister, I'm entertaining the other children by playing Rock, Paper and Scissors. With each game I debate whether I should tell the others. If I win, I will... If I loose, I won't... These kids are too good for me. So I decide that even though the others should know, I won't be the one to say anything to them. She must have a reason to do what she's doing, and it ain't my place to have the others pry into her life. She'll tell them... tell us when she's ready. That evening as we made camp, I noticed Kid and Lou walk off together. I notice Kid didn't look surprised when Lou revealed her secret. Could he have already known? I think back to all the looks and smiles I've seen pass between the two of them and realize he had to have known. Kid has always been protective of her, but we all have been. But that was because we thought he... I mean she was smaller than the rest of us. Surely he would have said something to the rest of us. I know that letting Lou fight beside us and live with us goes against his southern beliefs. And how could Teaspoon and Emma let her live with us? Do they not know? How can they not, it's so obvious now that I know. I see Buck, Cody and Ike walking towards me and I know where they're heading. I have to think fast because I don't know what Kid and Lou are doing down there. "I'm headin' to the creek to wash up before turnin' in," Buck says. "No!" I say a little too sharply. What ever Kid and Lou are doing, they probably wanted to do it in private. She was most likely bathing while Kid stood guard, but either way, I have to protect her secret. "Why not?" Cody asked coming up behind Buck. "It's been a long day and we just want to clean up and turn in." "Kid and Lou are down there talkin'. He's probably apologizin' for killin' Boggs. Give them some time alone to work it out." The other riders nodded and I watch them as they go back to the campfire. I'm relieved when a few minutes later Kid and Lou return. I watch as Lou walks towards me, still not able to look her in the eye. "Jimmy, can I talk to you for a moment?" She asked gesturing she wanting to speak to me away from the others. "Alright, Lou." We walk towards the creek and stop when we are out of earshot from the others. "Jimmy..." she says as I say her name. "Go ahead, Lou. Ladies first," I say. For some reason I give her a stupid grin. Lou chuckled. "I want you to know that I'm gonna tell the others, but I wanted to talk to you first. I'm sorry..." "Lou, you don't have to tell them, I'll keep your secret." "I can't ask that of you Jimmy. It's time the others know. Kid has known almost since the beginning and it's been hard for him. Once all of you know, I'll do what ever you decide." "What do you mean?" Is she really thinking that we'd force her to leave just because she's a girl? Maybe if she hadn't proven... "If you all want me to leave, I will. It's going to be pretty awkward now that you guys know, and I don't want that. I don't want to go, but if that's what you all decide, then I'll part ways at daybreak." Before I can protest, Lou walks back towards the group. I slowly followed her, wondering how the others would react. I see the look of pleading in Kid's eyes, he's scared for her and I realize I am too. I go and stand beside Kid and we watch as Lou sits down and prepares herself to tell the others. She looks at us and I nod, giving her the simple gesture of support. "My name isn't Lou... It's..." She buried her face in her hands and growled. "It's Louise. Louise McCloud." Silence enveloped the camp, even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Lou turns and runs back towards the creek. I start to follow her but Kid pulls me back. "Let her go, Jimmy." Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" We nod. "Since when?" "I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," I answer, and I don't know what to tell them about how Kid found out. I'm curious about that myself. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?" "More importantly," Cody asks. "How?" Kid shook his head and goes after Lou. I want to hit Cody for acting like that. Leave it to him to want the details that are none of his business. I chuckle as Ike thinks the same thing and smacks Cody upside the back of his head. "Oh come on! Aren't you curious as to how Kid found out Lou was a girl? And why he didn't tell us? I mean she's worked with us, eaten with us, slept with us, and more importantly, watched us dress and undress!" ** What does it matter, Cody?" ** Ike asked. ** You've offered to show half the girls in town what Lou has already seen. ** "He's right you know," Buck added. ** No, she always stepped out when we changed. And most of the time we've been together, we've all slept in at least our long john bottoms. ** "What should we do?" Buck asked. ** Are we really going to ask her to leave like she thinks we are? ** I shake my head. "What we need to do is go over there and tell her that we're alright with it. That it doesn't matter that she's a girl, she's no different from the rest of us." "But she is different from the rest of us, Jimmy," Cody responds and I just walk away. I walk towards them down by the creek, I want to offer my support and I notice they're huddled together. Kid almost looks as if he's about to kiss her. I need to make my presence known before they get caught doing something the others don't need to be seeing. "Lou, you alright?" She nods and my heart breaks as I see the tears in her eyes as she quickly wipes them away. "Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya." I watch as Cody steps forward first, and I see him holding something behind his back. I smile as I realize for once he did something right. "Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grins bringing the wildflower from behind his back. "Same here goes for us," Buck said pointing to Ike as well before both handed her flowers as well. Lou chuckles and I can't believe I couldn't see it when I see her smile. After awhile we all decide to turn in and say goodnight. I toss and turn trying to figure out these feelings I'm having... I can't help it, but I feel something different, almost like I'm attracted to her now that I know. Maybe deep down, I always knew and had these feelings... Maybe now they're only starting to surface because I know the truth... Either way, I know I'll never act on these feelings. I wake up in the morning and can't believe what I just heard. Cody asked Lou on a date? I should've known he'd make light of the situation; he's never one to pass up a pretty lady or good food. Well after tasting the breakfast Lou prepared, he was half right. We ride back towards home in silence. I can tell everyone is trying to figure out how to deal with things when we get back. Again I notice Kid riding very close to Lou and I wonder if there is something between them. I see the main house now and Lou pulls to a stop and sighs. "What's wrong?" Kid asks her, the concern evident in his voice. "Nothin'." I keep looking her over and realize that even though we talked briefly, I haven't let her know how I feel. "A girl..." I say chuckling, trying to sound nonchalant. "Something wrong with that?" Lou asks me with anger in her voice. I didn't mean to make her angry. "Only thing wrong with that is I didn't see it sooner." I can't help it, I finally voice my opinion. "I'm tellin' you Lou it's a relief, cause the way you and the Kid have been lookin' at each other all this time..." The next words surprise me as much as they do everyone else, but as soon as I say them I realize it's the truth. "Hell I even caught myself lookin' at you like that a coupla times." "Like what?" Lou looks at me surprised. I'm embarrassed now. "Mmmm. You know..." "No Jimmy, I don't know," she says grinning. She knows she's making me uncomfortable and she loves it. I try to cover up how uncomfortable this is making me. "All I'm gonna say is, that... you're the best lookin' boy I ever seen." She's blushing now, and so do I. "Why Jimmy," she says before laughing. Soon we all are, the tense moment over. "I wouldn't let that go to your head, Lou. I seen him lookin' at his horse the same way." Is Cody talking about me or Kid? Lou laughs again and I realize I like her laugh. It's different now, like her voice it's softer, more feminine, more Louise than Lou. I hear her sigh again and wonder what's wrong, and then she voices her concern. "I'm sure gonna miss ridin' with you all." Surely she can't think after last night we're going to make her leave? "What are you talkin' about?" "When Teaspoon finds out that I'm not what he thinks I am..." "Well who says you ain't?" Cody says. "You ride tall as any man I ever seen," Kid adds. And we'll all do anything it takes to keep her secret. "Any man says different is gonna answer to me." "And me." Buck agrees as does Ike. "Then you won't tell?" She questions, still unsure. "Ain't nothin' to tell," Kid says before he and the others start riding back. I know she's doubtful of what will happen. I can't help again but to wonder why she's so unsure of herself now that we know her secret. I know I've had a hard life but I can't help but thinking compared to what ever she must have gone through to live a lie like she has, that my past looks brighter than it ever did. What Do I Care "My name isn't Lou... It's..." Cody watched as Lou buried his face in his hands and growled. Finally he crossed his arms over his chest and looked straight at his remaining friends. "It's Louise. Louise McCloud." Silence enveloped the camp, even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Cody for once couldn't think of anything to say. Always the first to lighten the mood with a wise crack, his brain was on overload trying to comprehend that the smallest of the riders was actually a girl! Lou turned and ran back towards the creek. Jimmy started to follow her but Kid pulled him back. "Let her go, Jimmy." Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" Jimmy and Kid nodded. "Since when?" "I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," Jimmy answered. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?" Finally Cody's mouth opened and as usual, he spoke before he thought things through. "More importantly, how?" Kid shook his head and went after Lou. Cody felt someone slap him upside the back of his head, and rubbed the sore area as he looked behind him to see Ike standing there with an innocent look on his face. "Oh come on! Aren't you curious as to how Kid found out Lou was a girl? And why he didn't tell us? I mean she's worked with us, eaten with us, slept with us, and more importantly, watched us dress and undress!" ** What does it matter, Cody?" ** Ike asked. ** You've offered to show half the girls in town what Lou has already seen. ** "He's right you know," Buck added. ** No, she always stepped out when we changed. And most of the time we've been together, we've all slept in at least our long john bottoms. ** "What should we do?" Buck asked. ** Are we really going to ask her to leave like she thinks we are? ** Jimmy shook his head. "What we need to do is go over there and tell her that we're alright with it. That it doesn't matter that she's a girl, she's no different from the rest of us." "But she is different from the rest of us, Jimmy," Cody responded. "But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could be nice to have a girl around. Wouldn't ever have to look far for a date to the dance." The others chuckled and started to come up with a way to let Lou know they were all right with things as they were. As they started walking towards the creek where Kid and Lou were, Cody saw a wildflower in the fading light and went to pick it. He looked behind him and gestured to Buck and Ike. "Girls like flowers right?" Buck and Ike nodded and picked one as well. "Lou, you alright?" Jimmy asked as they approached the couple. Cody noticed they had been huddled together and wondered if there was something going on between them. Lou nodded. "Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya." Cody stepped forward first, holding the flower behind his back and stuck out his empty hand. "Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grinned bringing the wildflower from behind his back. "Same here goes for us," Buck said pointing to Ike as well before both handed her flowers as well. Lou chuckled at the simple gesture. Cody stared at her wondering how he had missed the signs before. She wasn't as pretty as some of the girls he'd gone out with, but she was Lou... One of the best riders the station had. "We better turn in soon," Cody stated, not quite sure what to say. Now that he knew her secret, he was scared he would act like the typical love struck idiot he often became in a lady's presence. Lou nodded and the group headed back to the campfire. They ate in silence, everyone lost in their own thought of the days events. As they finally said goodnight and drifted off to sleep, Cody again began thinking of Lou as a girl instead of a guy. As he began to sleep as well, an idea formed in his head that he hoped would allow him to get to know her better. When Cody woke the next morning, he noticed as usual Lou was already up, bathed, dressed and had started breakfast for the group. "Morning, uhm... Louise," he grinned. Lou looked at him and smiled. "Mornin' Cody. If you guys are gonna let me stay, you might want to stick to Lou. Teaspoon and Emma still don't know because if they did they'd fire me. Just call me Lou all the time and you won't slip up. "Ok, mornin', Lou. Need some help?" Lou looked at Cody amazed. Has it been that much of a shock to him that he's offering to do chores? She thought chuckling. "Thanks, Cody, but I think I got it." Cody nodded and looked around at his still sleeping friends. Gathering up the courage before anyone else awoke, he cleared his throat. "Uhm, Lou, can I ask you something?" Lou swallowed hard wondering how personal Cody was about to get. There were some things she hadn't even told Kid yet and didn't plan on telling anyone as long as she didn't have to. "Sure, Cody. Don't mean I'll answer it." Cody chuckled. "I was wonderin' if, well if sometime maybe, if you weren't doin' anything..." "Are you askin' her out?" Kid asked stunned as he rolled over to face the two. Cody blushed. "Well yeah. I just thought it might be a good way to get to know Louise instead of Lou." Lou bit her tongue to keep from laughing. The other riders groaned as they realized the first thing they had heard when waking up, was Cody acting like his normal, skirt chasing self. Suddenly, Cody was hit from behind by someone's bedroll. "Ok, that hurt!" he said rubbing the back of his head. "What? Who here didn't think about it at least once?" Everyone remained silent and Cody watched as Lou and Kid kept shyly glancing at each other. It was at that moment he knew there had to have been something going on between the two. "Unless of course, you're already seeing someone," he quickly added. "Then accept my apologies." Cody shot a look towards Kid, "to the both of you." "It was really sweet, Cody." Lou shook her head. "I'm not seein' anyone, but I'm just not ready too either. It's kinda hard when you live the kind of life I do." Cody noticed the hurt look briefly pass Kid's face as she mentioned she wasn't seeing someone. "Well that's what I meant, I mean what do I care what you do, I already know. And I'm tellin' ya Lou, I ain't never met a girl that can shoot as good as you. But I understand, that's fine... Just remember next time you need someone to accompany you on a ride..." This time Cody ducked as he saw Kid throw one of his boots at him. "Alright, I get the point. Sheesh!" Cody exclaimed as he took the plate he was offered and thought about how he would one day take Lou out on a real date. Woman Without a Home I'm feeding a carrot to Samson and look over to see Kid help Lou lift his saddle on to the fence post. There's something different about Lou and I can't figure it out. Then again he doesn't spend much time with any of us, and even at night he goes outside to prepare for bed when the rest of us are getting ready. I see Lou watch as Kid walked away. Eventually Lou walks by me and it suddenly hits me what's different about Lou. I keep thinking that I must be wrong, that my mind is playing tricks on me. But then I think how he always crosses his arms over his chest when he thinks people are watching... how his shirts are always buttoned so high... why he never changes or goes to the swimming hole with the rest of us. I realize it's true... Lou's a girl! I keep thinking about Lou and why she's doing this. Doesn't she have a place to belong? A place to call home or is she an orphan like the rest of us without a family out there? Can't she find a less dangerous job? One where she could be a girl? Later that afternoon Buck comes up to me and I've driven myself crazy with all these questions. I wonder if I'm the last one the figure it out, and I hope Buck knows so I can talk to him about it. ** Do you notice anything about Lou? ** I ask him. "Like what? That he's smaller than the rest of us? Give him time he's still young," Buck laughs. "You didn't fill out until a year ago." I know Buck is teasing, and I lightly punch him in the arm. But I just can't stop thinking about Lou and why she's disguised as a boy. It feels weird not to be able to talk to Buck about it, but if he doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him. Not now anyways. ~~~ A few days later, Buck came running in to the bunkhouse early in the morning. There's a signal coming from the nearest mounting station so we all go riding. Almost as soon as we ride in, Kid comes out to meet us and tells us what happens. We're about to leave when Lou comes out to join us, determined to go. "Lou, you should be restin'," Kid tells her. "I'm goin'," she angrily replies. "You can't Lou, you're hurt." I notice by the tone of Kid's voice that he's worried. The way the two keep looking at each other, I realize Kid now knows. I can tell this is going to be an interesting day. "Lou's got a right," Jimmy says. "Thinks he's fit, why can't he?" "Because..." I know Kid just wants to blurt it out, but something is holding him back. He could've told all of us right then, but he didn't. "Because what?" Cody asks. "Because he'll slow us down," Kid won't look at us, he keeps glaring at her. He's trying to get her to stay, and I don't blame him. "You said yourself, I'm not hurt that bad. I'm going!" Each word Lou said got louder as she spoke. "Guess Lou's goin'," Jimmy agrees wondering what the big deal is. Kid has asked me to go back to the station to get the Volley guns. Emma meets me as I ride in and without thinking I start signing what was happening. By the blank look on her face, I can tell I'm going too fast and she hasn't picked up enough sign to understand. I walk away shaking my head. I keep forgetting how hard it is for me to talk to the others when Buck isn't around to translate. Everyone else has tried to learn, but only Lou has picked enough up to get the general idea of the conversation. It's something else we share. I even messed up one day and made the sign for "her"; but she either missed it or ignored it. On my way to get the guns, I scribble a quick note to Emma. "Came for the Volley guns. Rider hurt, going after those responsible. Try not to worry, we're okay." ~~~ A few days later I'm returning from a run and see Kid and Lou talking by one of the corrals. As I walk towards the barn, I blush and turn away as I see Lou kiss him on his cheek. I chuckle at the thought of the two of them. They're so completely different, but it's almost as if they're made for each other. The next day, I can't help but tease Kid as he prepares for a ride. ** Hey Kid ** "Hi, Ike. Think Katy will be okay on this run? I know it's a short one but I'm still worried about her." ** Well now that you mention it... ** "Slow down, Ike. I only caught part of that." "He said," Buck translated coming up behind me. "That now that you mention it, Katy seems a bit moody lately. You're not seein' anyone else are ya, Kid?" Buck and I laugh as Kid turns a bright shade of red. He shakes his head and walks away. He's use to all of us teasing him about how close he is with his horse, but after that blush, I know he has feelings for Lou. ~~~ I met up with the others as they're coming back from rescuing Lou's brother and sister. We've made camp for the night and the tension between Kid, Lou and Jimmy is so thick you can cut it with a knife. As I watch Kid and Lou walk towards the creek, I realize something big has happened between the time they rode off after Boggs and when I caught up with them. They return after a few minutes and after Lou talked to Jimmy, Lou comes to the campfire and sits down. "I have an announcement to make." "What's up, Lou?" Cody asked curiously. "First off, I want you guys to know, what ever you decide, I'll abide by it. If you want me to leave, I will. I don't want to put you in any more of an awkward situation. And second of all, my name isn't Lou, it's..." ** What are you talking about? What do you mean your name ain't Lou? ** I ask quickly. I realize she's about to tell everyone, but I don't want anyone to know I've already figured it out. I watch her take a deep breath, look to Kid and Jimmy for support and then get frustrated as she tries to tell us. "My name isn't Lou... It's Louise. Louise McCloud." Silence enveloped the camp, even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Lou turned and ran back towards the creek. Jimmy started to follow her but Kid pulled him back. Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" Jimmy and Kid nodded. "Since when?" "I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," Jimmy answered. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?" "More importantly," Cody asked. "How?" I can't believe Cody would ask that and I slap him upside the back of his head. When he turns around and looks at me I try to act innocent, but when I hear Buck chuckle I start laughing too. "Oh come on! Aren't you curious as to how Kid found out Lou was a girl? And why he didn't tell us? I mean she's worked with us, eaten with us, slept with us, and more importantly, watched us dress and undress!" ** What does it matter, Cody?" ** I ask. She's the same Lou I've known from the beginning. ** You've offered to show half the girls in town what Lou has already seen. ** "He's right you know," Buck added. I realize how much of a shock it has been for the others. But if they would just stop and think for once... ** No, she always stepped out when we changed. And most of the time we've been together, we've all slept in at least our long john bottoms. ** "What should we do?" Buck asked. ** Are we really going to ask her to leave like she thinks we are? ** She's proven herself to all of us more than once and she has as much of a right to be here as I do. Jimmy shook his head. "What we need to do is go over there and tell her that we're alright with it. That it doesn't matter that she's a girl, she's no different from the rest of us." "But she is different from the rest of us, Jimmy," Cody responded. "But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could be nice to have a girl around. Wouldn't ever have to look far for a date to the dance." We all start laughing again and start to come up with a way to let Lou know they were all right with things as they were. As we walk towards where Kid and Lou are, Cody gestures to us a patch of wildflowers. "Girls like flowers right?" I'm shocked for once Cody could be so sensitive. It's a great idea, and I'm sure Lou will love it. "Lou, you alright?" Jimmy asks as we approach the couple. Lou nodded. "Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya." Jimmy tells her. Cody stepped forward first, holding the flower behind his back and stuck out his empty hand. "Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grinned bringing the wildflower from behind his back. "Same goes for us," Buck said and we hand her our flowers as well. I blush as I see her smile and wipe the tears from her eyes. We head back towards the camp, and Buck and I are the last ones up. "You knew, didn't you?" I nod. "How?" ** I figured it out. ** Buck shook his head and chuckled. "I should've known with the way you always can tell things about animals. Nite," he says before lying back. I'm the first one up in the morning. I go down by the creek to wash up and as I'm getting out of the water I see Lou heading towards me and immediately dive back in. When I surface, she looks away. "I'm so sorry, Ike! I didn't realize you were down here. I'll uhm... I'll just go." She turns red as she starts to walks back towards the camp. She suddenly stops and looks at me. "You knew, didn't you?" I just nod and she smiles. "Thanks for not tellin' the others, I appreciate that. And... just thanks." I watch her as she walks away. Over the past few months, I've gotten answers to some of my original questions and I know she's still scared of what will happen now that we know. She may be a woman without a home, but as far as I'm concerned, she can be a woman or a man with a home with us for as long as she wants. Every Time I Trust a Girl I'm feeling good for the first time in days, Teaspoon thought. For once Barnett was keeping the peace instead of disturbing it, my boys are safe and enjoying a run free day, there ain't no women troubles bothering me, and it was an unusually warm autumn day. Yep, the perfect kind of day that's meant for sneaking off and taking a dip in my favorite watering hole. As I approach I thought he heard some of his boys talking, but when I get to the water, Lou is the only one in the water. "Hey Lou, how's the water?" I call out. Lou suddenly turns and I notice the look of panic in his eyes. "Teaspoon?" He squeaks. "Teaspoon, don't come in here!" "Come on Lou, ya can't hog the swimmin' hole on a hot day like this. It ain't democratic." I start to remove my boots and notice that Lou is looking around either for his clothes or the others. I've noticed some of my boys are prone to play tricks and Lou is probably worried he'd be the latest victim. More than once I've had had to talk to the boys about making sure no one is forced to walk back to the station in their birthday suits. Lou knew that if Teaspoon were to come in the water her life as a Pony Express rider would be over. But as Teaspoon continued to remove his boots, Lou knew there was no hope; but it didn't stop her from trying a few more things. "I mean it Teaspoon. You really don't want to come in here!" "Why? I don't see no alley-gators," I laugh. I can't figure out why he was acting so paranoid. "That's 'cause it's freezin'," he said suddenly shivering. "Brrrrrr!" This is gonna be fun! He really doesn't want me in there. Why? It's not like I haven't seen it all before. Even if he is the smallest and most undeveloped of all my boys, he's no different than the rest of us. "Good. That's just the way I like it!" I rub my hands together, in anticipation of having fun with Lou now, than in enjoying the water. I can see Lou looking for a way out but he's surrounded. Either way he's not getting away. "... when it's not hot. Like it is now. In fact, I'm burning up!" "The hotter the better!" I throw my hat on the ground and run back up on the bank. "Okay, Lou.... here I come." I get a good run and cannon ball right into the water not to far from Lou, who's now screaming. "Come on, Lou. Fight back." "Stop, Teaspoon, I don't want to. Now stay away!""Okay, Lou. This is war." I continue splashing him and then I realize I've really frightened him. I stop splashing and give him a serious look. "Alright Lou..." "Lou?" Kid hollers out. "What's the?" I realize Lou's yelling has alerted the others and they've come running to the bank. Lou just stares at the others in a silent plea. I keep splashing him hoping to get him to lighten up and have some fun. He's always so serious; he really needs to have some fun. Maybe one of these days I'll take him over to the saloon and... "I guess what you need is a good old fashioned alley-oop! "Before he can protest I'm already underwater swimming my way closer. I feel bad as I realize he's been treading water this whole time so it's making it hard for me to see. Poor Lou, even when he's standing on the bottom there's a good six or seven inches until the surface. As the water starts to clear, I grab his legs and as I look up preparing to throw him out of the water, I stop dead in my tracks... At first I think that's why Lou had been acting so weird, he had "company". But I look again. What are those? I think. I look down to near where my hands are, Where's his... Are those... What the...? I instantly let of go of his... her... legs as the breath I've been holding is sucked from my lungs. I stumble my feet on the ground before finally being able to push back and up. Away from him... or her... away from Lou. I shoot out of the water and take a huge gasp of air as I try to process what has happened. As soon as I can speak again, I do. "Lou?!?!?!" I question. I hear the boys on the bank and as I turn towards them I see all but a frightened Kid take off like bats out of hell. "Hold it!" I yell at them and they all stop. They slowly turn around with their heads hung down in shame. "You all knew?" I asked shocked. I love my boy, but keeping secrets is one thing they're NOT good at. I hear them mumble their acknowledgements and shake my head. I look back at Lou and see her lower lip trembling. I need to get control of the situation and fast. "Alright, everyone in the sweat lodge in ten minutes." The boys all protest complaining it's hot enough without having to spend the next few hours sitting in the sweat lodge. "I don't want to hear anymore. Whoever ain't there has double duty for the next month. Now get!" I watch as my boys walk away, all except Kid."Kid, I meant you too. What are you still..." I notice he's looking towards Lou and as I glance at her again, she still has the scared expression on her face. It hits me that Lou can't leave until after I do and I blush. "Well I uh... Sorry about this, really I am." Lou nods. "I'll see you in the sweat lodge and we'll get this figured out." I swim to the shore and quickly dress. I place my arm around Kid and lead him away to give Lou the privacy she deserves. "Come on Kid, we've all had enough excitement, let her be." ~~~ Twenty minutes later I enter the sweat lodge and look around at all my boys... and girl, bursting with pride. I've stood outside for the past ten minutes, and as soon as Kid and Lou entered, the boys started to come up with ways to save her job. Finally I heard Lou tell them, "No! I'm sick of all the lies. We all knew this would happen eventually." "Lou, its ok, you don't need to worry. I'll..." Kid started to say something, but knowing that tone in his voice, I decide to make my entrance for he does something that gets him shot; and most likely by Lou. Immediately the boys approach me stating reasons why I should let Lou stay. I can tell how much my boys care for her, and by the looks on their faces, I can tell they are almost as worried as she is about what's going to happen. How can I even figure that out when I'm still trying to figure out he's a she! "Everybody sit!" I order. Immediately the boys scatter. Jimmy and Cody on either side of me, Buck and Ike on either side of them, and then huddled directly across from me is Lou, with Kid sitting close enough that their legs are touching. "First things first, how did you did you ever get this job?" I see the look of anger that I've come to know so well. "I mean..." "Been around horses all my life..." she started nervously. I watch as she looks towards Kid and I begin to realize the two of them have been dancing around their feelings towards each other, and I'm probably the reason why. "I ain't too good at doin' anything else." I watched as she looks towards the ground. I realize she's been dressing as a boy for a long time, and has probably forgotten not only how to act like a girl, but what it feels like. I shake my head. "I just don't understand," I say. Jimmy is using that damn peacock feather to fan himself and me and it's annoying. "I just don't understand. When did this happen?" "When did what happen, Teaspoon?" Jimmy asks me. I shoot him a look letting him now I'm serious, that this is serious. "Whatta ya mean, what?" I point at Lou who's huddled beside Kid with her arms crossed over her chest. Now I know why she was always doing that. And I realize that maybe she shouldn't be allowed in here anymore. The fabric on her long johns are thin and I know if she moves her arms... I've got to stop thinking like that and get to the bottom of this. "Him... I mean, her..." "Been like this since birth!" Lou tells me in a serious tone. The others laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "That ain't what I'm talkin' about..." I need some water to relax me and help me get through this. Maybe it'll wake me up from this nightmare I keep thinking I'm stuck in. "Cody," I say and he instantly dumps the bucket of water over my head. It doesn't work. I'm still here. "What I'm talkin' about is... why?" "Why what?" Jimmy questions again. I begin to wonder how the other figured it out. They act like it's no big deal, so they must have known for a while. Weren't they as surprised and shocked as I was... still am? But looking at her now, I don't see how I missed it. "Why in God's name I never noticed?" I see the looks on my boys' faces and realize they thought the same thing at first. Cody has to break the silence with one of his smart remarks. "I ain't gonna touch that," he says. I look at him in disbelief, but smile because it helps ease some of the tension. "I don't know, Teaspoon, maybe..." Lou starts trying to find the right words. "Maybe ya chose not to... because... 'cause if ya did... you'd have to fire me." She nods at me hoping she's right. I stare at her dumbfounded but with a serious look on my face. "Why'd I do a fool thing like that?" "Because I'm a girl remember?" Like I needed reminding. "Yes, you certainly are. But that don't mean you don't sit a saddle as good, ride as hard, or shoot as straight..." "I know, but..." She's still trying to convince me to let her stay. "But the company's got rules and you work for the company." Ahhh, so that's the problem. She doesn't want to think I'd fire her, but would have to because of the company. "Well I know that but company's company and family's family. I always thought of you boys and uh..." I clear my throat realizing I can't call her a boy anymore. "And girls... as family. And a family sticks together." I see her smile as she's realizes there's still hope for her. She looks over at Kid and smiles. "You mean I can stay?" She still has doubt in her voice, but she seems happier. "Well, I don't see why not." She smiles and Kid puts his arm around her shoulder. "Unless you got any other secrets you're keepin' from me." Kid pulls her closer to him, hugs her and kisses the top of her head. They're both happy and I realize that those two really do care for each other. Which is a big relief and they both smile at me. "Matter of fact," I lean in to whisper to Jimmy. "I'm kinda relieved. I was beginnin' to worry about them two." Everyone laughs and is relieved. I can't believe my boys would think I'd just toss Lou out on the streets. Even if she is a girl, she's one of the best riders the express has and they all know it. "Which brings me to some rules that we need to establish... Now I'm not tellin' you that you have to, I'm just askin', but would you prefer livin' up at the main house with Rachel? Maybe give you a chance to act more like a..." I stop at the look she shoots me. I should've known she would react like the typical female. "I take that as a no." As we finish up our little meeting, I watch as them all go back to their regular chores and other stuff, I want to call her back and find out more. How long has she lived like this? Why is she doing this? How can I make sure she's safe without her thinking I don't think she can do the job? Later that afternoon after warning Rachel, Lou and I finally get a chance to talk alone. I keep looking at her, trying to see her dressed up like a girl would. Try to see her as Louise instead of Lou. "Louise?" I ask. I smile as she puts her hands on her hips and tries to act and look tough. "Well it's just gonna take a little gettin' use to." "Teaspoon, I don't want you to treat me any different now that you know. I'm still the same Lou I've been." "I know you are, and I'll try not to treat you any different, there's just some things I've been concerned about." "Like what?" She asks with a venomous tone. "Well, I ain't about to bring up you movin' in with Rachel again, the boys here have no problem sharin' the bunkhouse with ya, but at other places things are different..." "But Teaspoon, my job..." "Now I ain't threatenin' your job, just sayin' I don't want you in a position where somethin' might happen." I know what I'm trying to say is coming out wrong, but I can't help but worrying about her. "I can take care of myself! Been doin' so almost five years now." The last part is barely louder than a whisper. Again I start to wonder why she would even chose to live her life this way. "Is that when you became Lou?" She looks away from me and slowly nods. "Anything you wanna talk about?" "Nope, just tryin' to save enough to get a place for me and my brother and sister. It's gonna take longer now if I have to get a room when I can't camp out on my runs." I nod. "Don't worry 'bout, it's my idea, I'm payin'." I watch her open her mouth to start to protest and I stop her. "I ain't talkin' charity, just call it a bonus." I grin. Lou starts to shake her head in protest, but the others arrive to tell us about the sheriff in town. I'm hoping this will all work out in the end for all of us. My luck with women ain't been that great. It seems every time I trust a gal, it only leads to nothing but trouble! The Dreamer "My name isn't Lou... It's..." Buck watched as Lou buried her face in his hands and looked towards Kid and Jimmy for support. He wondered what the littlest rider was hiding, and hoped he was about to find out. "It's Louise. Louise McCloud." Of all the things Buck was expecting, that was not one of them. He was pretty sure the others felt the same as silence enveloped the camp. Even the crackling fire seemed to be in a stunned silence. Lou turned and ran back towards the creek. Jimmy started to follow her but Kid pulled him back. "Let her go, Jimmy." Buck was the first to recover. "You both knew?" Jimmy and Kid nodded. "Since when?" "I found out this afternoon, shortly before Boggs was killed," Jimmy answered. "Kid found out... When did you find out exactly, Kid?" "More importantly," Cody asked. "How?" Only Cody would think of asking that, Buck thought. He started to laugh as Ike hit Cody in the head. "Oh come on! Aren't you curious as to how Kid found out Lou was a girl? And why he didn't tell us? I mean she's worked with us, eaten with us, slept with us, and more importantly, watched us dress and undress!" ** What does it matter, Cody? ** Ike asked. ** You've offered to show half the girls in town what Lou has already seen. ** Buck realized that Cody had a point. He wouldn't have minded changing in front of her if he'd known, but the thought of her watching them undress made him feel a little weird. "He's right you know," Buck added. ** No, she always stepped out when we changed. And most of the time we've been together, we've all slept in at least our long john bottoms. ** "What should we do?" Buck asked. What Ike had said was true, but Buck still felt uncomfortable with the situation. There was a little voice in the back of his head nagging at him, but he couldn't say what. ** Are we really going to ask her to leave like she thinks we are? ** Jimmy shook his head. "What we need to do is go over there and tell her that we're alright with it. That it doesn't matter that she's a girl, she's no different from the rest of us." In his confused state of mind, Buck realized that everyone else was making sense. There were just too many questions running through his mind, and answers were no where to be found. "But she is different from the rest of us, Jimmy," Cody responded. "But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It could be nice to have a girl around. Wouldn't ever have to look far for a date to the dance." The others chuckled and started to come up with a way to let Lou know they were alright with things as they were. As they started walking towards the creek where Kid and Lou were, Cody saw a wildflower in the fading light and went to pick it up. He looked behind him and gestured to Buck and Ike. "Girls like flowers right?" Buck and Ike nodded and picked one as well. They walked down to the creek where Kid and Lou were sitting close together. "Lou, you al lright?" Jimmy asked. She nods and as she quickly wipes her tears away. "Well Buck, Ike, and Cody here have somethin' they wanna tell ya." "Name's William F. Cody, most folks just call me Cody, and it's a pleasure to meet you... Louise," he grins bringing the wildflower from behind his back. "Same here goes for us," Buck said pointing to Ike as well before both handed her flowers as well. After a few minutes, everyone headed back towards the camp, and after awhile, Buck and Ike were the last ones up. "You knew, didn't you?" Buck asked his best friend. He was disappointed that Ike hadn't shared this with him. "How?" ** I figured it out. ** Buck shook his head and chuckled. "I should've known with the way you always can tell things about animals. Nite," he said before lying back. As he lay there, Buck asked the spirits for guidance and answers and as sleep finally overtook him he began to see visions of his mother and other women from the village where he was raised. He had a dream where the men had been out hunting and the women were attacked by a group of white men. He remembered watching many of the women being raped and murdered. But there was one that kept standing out in his mind. White River had only been twelve years old, Buck five. She would often look after Buck when his mother was busy and Buck developed a crush on her. She thought it was cute, and the day he asked her to marry him and let him protect her, with as much conviction as a five year old could, she patted his head and told him how adorable he was. But the next day, she had been in her family's tent tending to her little brother when she heard the commotion outside. Buck watched as she was dragged behind the tent and heard her screams, but there was nothing he could do. She was one of the few who survived, but she was never the same after that. The man who had attacked her had cut off her long hair, and she refused to let it grow long again. She began withdrawing from her friends and family; those she'd known all her life. The day before her arranged marriage, she went for a walk and was never seen or heard from again. Buck remembered watching her as she left. She smiled at him and gave him a tiny wave before heading into the woods. It was the first time he had seen her smile since the attack, and as she turned to look back one more time, Buck was shocked to see Lou's face in White River's place. Buck woke with a start. Light was starting to streak the sky and he turned over wanting a few more hours of sleep. Buck looked over across the camp and saw Lou curled up in her bedroll. Buck hoped his vision was wrong; that Lou hadn't ever had to endure what so many women in his life had. A few weeks later, his suspicions were pretty much confirmed. Teaspoon sent Buck and Lou on a special run to St. Joe. The trip had been uneventful but Buck sensed something was bothering Lou. The normally strong girl seemed skittish and cautious. Buck had started developing feelings for Lou, and she often haunted his dreams at night. Like Ike's talent of making sick and injured animals feel better, Buck longed to help Lou feel better. On their first night after leaving St. Joe, Buck was awoken by a screaming and yelling Lou. "No! Get away, leave me alone, please," she called out. Buck immediately sat up and grabbed his knife ready to attack whoever had snuck in to their camp and was harming Lou. He looked over to where she was lying and realized that she was having a bad dream. He watched as she kicked and clawed at the air, most likely trying to fight whoever was hurting her in her dream. He got up and slowly crossed the camp to her. She had stopped fighting the invisible monster, and tears were flowing freely down her face. "Lou?" He asked slightly shaking her to wake her. "Lou, wake up." Lou shot straight up and looked around. "Where... What... Buck?" She croaked between panicked gasps. Buck gently placed his hand on her shoulder and jerked it back quickly as Lou flinched. "You were having a bad dream." Lou nodded. "Guess bein' in St. Joe stirred up some memories better left forgotten. I ran in to someone I use to know." "The man that attacked you?" Lou paled. "What do you know about that?" "You were actin' like someone was attacking you in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?" Lou shook her head. "No!" She snapped at him. Buck watched as Lou covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. It was a sign that the others had come to learn as her "hiding something". Buck reached in his medicine pouch and pulled out some herbs. "Here, add this to some water. It'll help you sleep through the rest of the night." Buck handed them to her with a cup of water. Lou took the herbs and put them in the water. It smelled horrible and tasted worse, but anything was better than having that dream again. She slowly sipped the drink and by the time she finished she already felt drowsy. "Thanks Buck," she said softly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you." "It's okay, you don't have to talk about it." "It's just been a long day is all. I know you were only trying to help." "Just remember that I'm here if you ever wanna talk about it." Lou nodded and laid back down. Within minutes, Buck watched as her breathing returned to normal and she fell asleep. He longed to hold her while she told him about her dreams. Instead he covered her with the blanket that had been tossed aside during her nightmare and kissed her forehead. That night he dreamed again of both Lou and White River. The more Buck dreamed of Lou, the more confused he became with his feelings. He'd seen the looks pass between Kid and Lou, and the thought there may be something between them kept him from acting on his feelings. But the more he worried about her, the harder it became. But the day her saw her in a dress for the first time, was the turning point. Emma had called everyone into the Main House and served the boys tea and cookies. No one could figure out why they were there. It wasn't a birthday, but then Emma let them know why they were there with great enthusiasm. "What are we doing here Emma?" Kid asked. Emma had him sitting at the place usually reserved for the guest of honor. "Is this some kind of a birthday party?" Jimmy asked, just as puzzled as the rest of the boys. "No, it's not a birthday party. This here is a coming out party." Emma stood up and smiled. "Boys, I would like to introduce to you Miss Louise McCloud!" The riders looked at each other in confusion. Partly because Emma had called her Louise, which meant she knew her secret, and partly because they'd already met Lou. "First one to laugh gets a punch in the nose!" Lou yelled from upstairs. The riders looked towards the stairs in anticipation. "Loulabelle!" Emma scolded half-heartedly. None of the boys would ever forget what happened next. They couldn't believe that the beautiful sight coming down the stairs was Lou... and in a dress. Buck watched her as she acted shy and nervous. She was in a pink dress, none of them except for Kid had seen her in a dress before, and the sight was overwhelming. More than one of the boys started shifting uncomfortably at the sight, including Buck. "I wanted y'all to see how pretty she looks," Emma informed them. She chuckled as she watched each of the boys' reaction. Kid paled. "I didn't mess things up for you Lou, did I?" "She knew all along." "See, being good on a horse doesn't mean a person's a boy!" All of the boys released the breaths they didn't realize they were holding in. Their only fear now was if Emma would have to tell. "Hey, but what about Teaspoon?" Buck asked worriedly. He was still in shock. Lou seemed so happy wearing that dress, despite the fact it was obvious she uncomfortable. "What about Mr. 'Spoon?" Emma replied letting the boys know she wasn't about to tell. "Well, it looks like we got ourselves a new bunkmate, fellas," Cody, who had for one of the few times in his life been stunned speechless, finally added. Everyone laughed, remembering the morning after they found out her secret, how Cody had brazenly asked her out on a date. Lou must have remembered it too because she glared at Cody with a look that made everyone laugh again. Jimmy finally got to the heart of the matter. Everyone had watched as Kid and Lou became close and wondered if this was a new beginning for them. "All's I can say is you'd better watch yourself, Kid." "Kid? Kid who?" Cody asked. For the next few hours, they enjoyed the break from their chores, as well as being in the presence of their new bunkmate. The boys were glad to make Lou feel like the girl she should get to be, not knowing how long it would be before they'd see her like that again. Later that night, Buck once again had the dream of White River. For the first time, he saw her as she would have been now instead of how Buck remembered her when she left. She was happy and had a family of her own. She patted his head and told him "You're still adorable, Buck. Stop worryin' so much. Like me, she'll be okay." Buck woke with a start and his gaze immediately flew to Lou's bunk. She was sleeping peacefully, as she had ever since the night of her nightmare. He smiled as he realized Lou was talking in her sleep, and he heard her say "You're still adorable, Buck." Email catsimmie HOME