Chapter 1

~~~ L & K Express Ranch, Rock Creek ~ July 17, 1876 ~~~

“Happy Birthday, Lou,” Kid said placing a cake in front of her and kissing the top of her head.

“Happy Birthday, sis,” twenty eight year old Jeremiah added.

“Thanks you guys,” Lou said faking a smiled. “Jeremiah, where is Beth? I thought you were going to bring her and the children.”

Jeremiah shook his head. “Mary Louise came down with colic and has been fussy all day, so Beth decided to stay home with her and the three boys.”

Teresa entered the kitchen and nervously looked at her husband, Michael. “Sorry ‘bout that,” she apologized as she sat back down.

“Tes, that’s the third time you’ve suddenly left the table tonight. Are you sure you’re alright?” Lou asked concerned for her sister.

Teresa nervously looked down at the table. “I’m fine,” she lied.

“Do you think after twenty four years, I still can’t tell when you’re lyin’?”

Teresa looked at Kid and then at her husband. Both men nodded in support and Teresa took a deep breath. “I’m more than alright, I’m pregnant!” She exclaimed.

“Congratulations,” Lou said quietly. Everyone else agreed and started asking the usual questions. Lou was truly happy for her sister, but only Kid noticed how quiet and solemn she had become. The party broke up shortly afterwards.

“Lou, leave the dishes. I’ll get them later,” Kid told her.

She shook her head. “Might as well get them done now,” she said placing them in the sink and then filling it with water from the bucket by the back door.

“It’s your birthday, Lou. I told you I’d do them later and I meant it.”

“When?” She snapped before turning to face him. “When you come home from wherever you go at night? Or maybe in between your chores here on the ranch?” Lou threw the plate back into the sink. “Fine, do them yourself.”

Kid sighed as he watched her walk towards their bedroom. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this argument, but it had been awhile. Then again, he was pretty sure he knew the cause of her behavior and followed her. He found her sitting at her dressing table brushing out her long hair.

“I’m sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to make you more upset than you already were.”

Her hand stopped mid stroke and she glared at him through the mirror. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

Kid crossed to the dresser and began removing his clothes. “I saw how you reacted after Teresa made her announcement.” Wearing only his long john bottoms, he crossed to her placing his hand on her shoulder. “Teresa wanted to wait before she told you. You didn’t give her much of a chance to…”

“You knew?” she shrieked in disbelief.

Kid nodded. “She talked to me about it yesterday. She wanted to know the best way to tell you.”

“I’m her sister,” Lou sighed. “She used to be able to talk to me about anything.”

Kid felt bad as he heard the hurt in his wife’s voice. “She knows that, but she didn’t want to upset you. Ever since…”

“Of course I’m upset! Do you know what it’s like to be thirty four and never have had a child? Then the one time we finally were gonna have a child…”

Kid knelt in front of her and when she turned to face him, he placed his hands on hers in her lap. “It ain’t been easy for me either, Lou. But you never want to talk about it and you’re not willin’ to try again. You won’t even see your friends anymore.”

“It’s hard Kid. They all have children, and all I have is the guilt of killing…”

Kid shook his head. “It’s not your fault. How many times do you have to be told?” He tried to wipe her tears away but she turned her head and he sighed. “If anything it’s my fault. If it weren’t for me being so wrapped up in tryin’ to save the ranch then you wouldn’t’ve had the stress because you were working two jobs. You wouldn’t have …”

Lou shrugged. No matter how many times they discussed it, he was never able to convince her that it wasn’t her fault. Kid released her hands and stood up. He went back to the dresser and pulled out a change of clothes and began getting dressed.

“You’re workin’ tonight?” Kid nodded. “But it’s my birthday, I thought that…”

Kid turned and looked at her with hope shining in his eyes. “Does that mean you’re willin’ to start tryin’ again?”

“I’m not ready, Kid,” she said quietly trying to fight back more tears. “I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through that again. Why can’t you understand that?”

“Lou, it’s been almost a year. I know it was hard, but I was there and went through it too. But its past time we moved on.”

Lou grew angry. “You want to move on as if she never existed?” She yelled completely shocked. “Just forget about what happened because you’re ready to move on? Do you expect me and just lie there because I’m so scared of it happenin’ again, I can’t enjoy bein’ with my husband anymore?”

“That ain’t what I meant, Lou.”

Lou had had a feeling for the past few weeks, and as much as she hated the thought, she had to know. “Or does it not matter anymore? Is the reason you haven’t touched me in the past few months is because you… you’ve found someone who would enjoy it?” The last part came out barely above a whisper.

Kid stared at his wife in disbelief that she would even think that. Speechless at her words and fully dressed he crossed to the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lou shook her head at Kid’s lack of respect for her feelings. She missed having her best friend to talk to, but since she’d lost the baby, they had drifted farther and farther apart. Then he started to work some mysterious job at night that he refused to talk to her about. Between that and running the ranch, they hardly saw each other anymore.

Deciding she couldn’t take the secrecy anymore, she got up and quietly followed him far enough back so he wouldn’t hear her. Lou started to wonder why he was heading towards Rachel’s house and hid behind a tree as he knocked on the door.

Moments later, Lou’s world came crashing down as Rachel opened the door wearing a thin nightgown and pulled Kid into what looked like a loving embrace. Lou turned and ran back home. When she arrived at the ranch, she cursed herself for not making sure the door was unlocked before she’d left. She curled up on the porch swing and cried herself to sleep.

~~~ *~* ~~~

The next morning, Lou was sitting on the porch swing waiting for Kid when he finally arrived home a little while after the sun came up.

“Lou?” He asked surprised to see her not only up, but on the swing instead of in the house. “What are you doin’ outside? It’s cold this morning.”

She looked into those blue eyes she’d fallen in love with so long ago and knew she couldn’t lie. “I locked myself out last night.”

“What were you doin’ outside?”

“Are you sleepin’ with Rachel?” She blurted out, wanting to know the truth as soon as possible.

“What?” Kid was completely taken aback by her accusation. “Lou, what makes you think…”

“You wouldn’t tell me where you go at night, hell, you hardly talk to me at all anymore so I followed you last night. I saw the way she greeted you,” she whispered as she looked away.

Kid sat next to Lou and tried to pull her into his arms. She shrugged away from him and scooted over as far away from him as she could. “Teaspoon’s been gone only a coupla months, Lou. She’s still grievin’ for him and you don’t know how bad the girls miss their father.”

“You still ain’t answered my question. Are you sleepin’ with Rachel?”

Kid shook his head. “I know we’ve had our problems, Lou, but I would never be unfaithful to you. Surely you should know that after fifteen years of marriage.”

Lou shrugged. “I’m not sure what I know anymore. I never even imagined you would be unfaithful, but what’s with all the secrecy?”

“I’ve been helpin’ her out around the house. She was so busy takin’ care of Teaspoon at the end that the house became neglected and needs some repairs.”

Lou looked at him questioningly. “And you have to do that in the middle of the night?” Lou stood up and went to the door without giving him a chance to answer. “Would you let me in?”

“Not until we talk about this. I’m sick of you runnin’ when I try to talk to you. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d get upset. Lou, you’ve been so distraught and jealous of your friends that I had to force you to go to Teaspoon’s funeral. I had to make you go to the funeral of the man who’d been more of a father to us that our own were and all because you couldn’t stand to see their two girls”

“Let me in the house, Kid,” she said impatiently.

Kid unlocked the door and watched as Lou ran to the bedroom. He waited for the door to slam, but when it didn’t he followed her. The last thing he expected was her filling a suitcase full of her clothes.

“Lou, what are ya doing?”

“I’m sorry, Kid, but I can’t keep goin’ on like this.”

“Whattya mean, Lou? Are you sayin’ you’re just gonna throw away fifteen years… no almost seventeen years of love?”

Lou nodded. “I feel betrayed, Kid. Two of the people I care about most in the world, one I’ve loved since I was eighteen, have betrayed me with their secrets. I can’t do it anymore.” Lou continued packing.

Kid sat on their bed puzzled. “Lou, I’m tellin’ you. All I’m doing is helpin’ out. Don’tcha think that Teaspoon would’ve wanted us to make sure his wife and children were taken care of?” He put his hand on hers, momentarily stopping her packing. “Lou, I swear to you, nothing is going on between me and Rachel. You’re the only woman I could ever love.”

But lovin’ and bein’ with are two different things, she thought as she pulled her hand free and continued throwing things into her suitcase. When she finished she looked at Kid and shook her head. “Be happy with her Kid. She can give you the children you want so badly.”

Kid sat there shocked as he watched his wife walk out of their bedroom, out of their home, and out of his life.

Chapter 2

~~~ Cody’s House, Kansas ~ July 26, 1876 ~~~

Lou had been running for almost two weeks and was exhausted. When she left, she wasn’t sure where she was going to go; most of her friends and family were around Rock Creek. But while she was in Kansas, she was surprised to run into Cody, and spent several days with him and his wife Louisa. She was saddened to learn that they’re oldest son, Kit, had died months earlier, and Cody confessed things hadn’t been the same since.

Lou longed to tell him she knew how that felt, but she still wasn’t ready to talk about her reasons for leaving Kid. When Cody and Louisa asked where he was, she replied, “You know the Kid. He can’t leave the ranch as long as there’s work to be done.”

Cody knew there was more to the story, but didn’t press her for more. She said her goodbyes the next day, promising to come back for another visit, but Cody didn’t expect to see her again anytime soon.

Louisa curled into her husband’s arms and watched as one of his dearest friends left. “You think they’re doin’ alright?”

Cody shrugged. “The Kid I knew wouldn’t let Lou go travelin’ throughout the country without him. I know Rachel mentioned back at Teaspoon’s funeral that somethin’ bad had happened between them, but we always thought their love was strong enough to survive anything. Then again, Lou’s temper wasn’t something you messed with back in the day. You’d think after fifteen years, Kid would know better by now.”

“Well whatever it is, hopefully they’ll be able to work through it like we did after we lost Kit.”

Cody just nodded wondering how his wife could be so blind to their own problems.

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ July 31, 1876 ~~~

Two days later, Lou arrived in Deadwood and decided to take a break from all of the traveling. After spending time with Cody and hearing about his tall tales, she decided to continue on to California. She’d always wanted to go there and every year, Kid promised her they would. But now she was tired of trains and stages and Deadwood looked like a good place to relax for a few days.

After checking into a nice hotel and taking a nap, she decided to explore the town as she searched for a decent place to eat. As she passed by Nuttal & Mann's saloon, she literally ran into someone coming out.

“I’m sorry,” the person apologized.

Lou looked up at the familiar voice and smiled. “Jimmy?”

Jimmy did a double take in disbelief. “Lou?” She nodded and Jimmy pulled her into his arms. “What are you doin’ here? Are you and Kid travelin’ through?”

Lou sighed at the mention of Kid’s name and broke apart from Jimmy. She shook her head and started continuing down the street. Confused at her behavior Jimmy took off after her.

“Lou? Did something happen with Kid? Is he alright?” He asked worriedly as he grabbed her arm and gently pulled her towards him. “Lou, talk to me.”

“He’s fine,” she snapped. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. I’m just sick of everyone askin’ about Kid. He didn’t come with me, he stayed at the ranch.”

Jimmy realized he’d upset her and felt bad. “I wasn’t sure. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you guys.”

Lou nodded. “We tried to send word about Teaspoon’s funeral, but even Cody didn’t know where you were. Last time any of us saw you, was when you and Cody were in Scouts of the Plains[¹].”

“By the time I’d gotten the news, it was too late. I wished I could’ve been there,” he said painfully. “How are Rachel and the girls handlin’ it?”

Lou started to chuckle but bit her lip instead. “You know Rachel. She bounces back quickly when something’s gotten her down.” And this time it was with my husband, she added to herself.

Jimmy missed the undertone in Lou’s voice and smiled. “I guess that’s good. So where are you headin’ now? Have you had supper?”

Lou shook her head. “Actually I was just on my way to find a place to eat. Is there somewhere you can recommend?”

Jimmy nodded. “Well if you don’t mind, I ain’t had supper yet either, and I’d love to join you.”

Lou smiled. “I’d like that a lot, Jimmy. It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other and it’ll give us a chance to catch up.”

Jimmy held out his arm and Lou wrapped hers in it as they continued to walk down the boardwalk.

~~~ *~* ~~~

“Thanks for dinner, Jimmy. I’m glad you joined me,” Lou said smiling at her friend.

“I’m glad you let me. I have to say it reminds me a bit of our dinner in Willow Springs.”

Lou nodded. At least that time you knew how bad Kid treated me, she thought. You and the others had seen how he’d just thrown our love away.

“Lou, you’ve been awfully quiet. What’s goin’ on?”

Lou sighed. Jimmy had always been able to read her like a book and she knew she could talk to him about anything without him judging. “Kid and I… We’ve been havin’ some problems this last year, and I know that he…”

“James, there you are!” A voice called out, interrupting Lou.

Jimmy smiled and turned towards the voice, confirming what he already knew. “Lou, there’s somebody special I want you to meet,” he said standing up.

Lou watched as Jimmy approached a pretty woman and she blushed as she watched them kiss each other passionately. She silently sipped her wine and felt relieved when they sat down.

“Lou,” Jimmy started. “I’d like for you to meet Agnes… my wife.”

Lou choked on her wine as her eyes grew huge. “Wife?” She sputtered.

“You must be Louise McCloud,” Agnes said as she extended her hand. “It’s so good to finally meet you. James has told me so much about you and the others, I feel like we’re old friends.”

Regaining her composure, Lou finally responded with a smile. “I wish I could say the same, but in the last two hours, Jimmy seemed to have forgotten to mention that he’s married.” She shot Jimmy a playful but annoyed look and he smiled.

“James how could you?” Agnes asked as she playfully slapped his arm and kissed his cheek. “You’ll have to forgive my husband. Since we’ve probably only seen each other a total of a couple of weeks since we were married, he tends to forget about me.”

“Never!” Jimmy growled as he leaned over and whispered something in her ear that caused her to blush a shade of red deeper than her dress.

Lou smiled at the couple, trying to forget how she and Kid were still that loving and playful not so long ago.

Agnes looked over at Lou and smiled. “James, stop,” she chuckled, pushing him away. “We’re embarrassin’ her.”

Jimmy pulled back. “Sorry, Lou, but you know how it is. You and Kid were worse than this even before you were married.”

Lou blushed at the memories that resurfaced; memories of a time she longed to go back to. “So how did you two meet?”

“I managed my late husband’s circus and…”

“She’s also a talented performer,” Jimmy interrupted.

Agnes nodded. “Yes, I was a lion tamer as well as tightrope walker. Anyway, we were performing in New York and William and James were there as well doing their “Wild West Show”, and came to see the performance. Well as soon as I heard the famous “Wild Bill Hickok was in the audience, I knew I just had to meet him. Then I realized he was the same person I’d met a few years back when he was the Marshal of Abilene. It was practically love at first sight,” she said smiling at Jimmy.

“Well it was about three years before we saw each other again, but we had kept in touch,” he added, taking his wife’s hand in his. “But once we were together again, I couldn’t let her go. We eloped back in March.”

“But when we went back to Cincinnati for our honeymoon so he could meet my family, I stayed behind to help my daughter, Emma, deliver her first child, while Jimmy came out here to search for gold.” [²]

“Every once in awhile she’ll surprise me by coming out this way for a visit.” Jimmy added.

Lou smiled, truly happy that Jimmy had finally found the one thing he’d always thought he didn’t deserve. She recognized the look in the couple’s eyes and realized it was time to go.

“It was nice meetin’ you Agnes, but I can see the two of you’d like to be alone.” Lou stood and Jimmy followed her as she headed for the door.

“You okay, Lou?” Jimmy asked concerned.

She nodded. “I’m fine, Jimmy. I can just tell you two would rather be alone so I’ll head on back to the hotel for the evenin’.”

“Are you sure? You look upset, and if you need to talk…”

She shook her head. “Go be with you’re wife, I’ll be alright.”

Jimmy reluctantly nodded. “Are you stickin’ around for a few days?” Lou nodded. “Can we meet for breakfast in the morning?”

“Sure you won’t be eatin’ in?” Lou chuckled when Jimmy blushed. “I’m stayin’ at the hotel next to the General Store. If you don’t make it for breakfast, I’ll see you for lunch.”

Jimmy nodded but a funny feeling settle over him as she walked away. After watching her enter her hotel, he went back to his wife.

“Is she okay?”

Jimmy shrugged. “I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her this upset since she and Kid…” realization dawned on him and he shook his head. “I hope to God that I’m wrong.”

“Since she and Kid what??”

“Since she turned down his marriage proposal the first time, and they broke up. He did some stupid things during that time, that hurt her real bad,” he said feeling sad for Lou.

“Maybe it’s not that, think good thoughts,” Agnes said as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I hope you’re right,” Jimmy agreed. “So what do you say? You ready to head home for the night?”

Agnes recognized the gleam in his eye and was out the door and on her way before he even realized it.

Chapter 3

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 1, 1876 ~~~

Late the next afternoon, Lou was writing a quick letter to Teresa when there was a knock on her room door. She opened it to a disheveled Jimmy on the other side and chuckled. “Rough night?” she asked smiling.

“Sorry, Lou. Agnes had some important things that needed discussin’.”

“Well,” she said trying to keep a straight face. “At least you didn’t spend all day dancin’.” At the look on his face she started laughing. “Don’t worry about it Jimmy. I’m glad you’re happy. But if you want to spend more time with her, that’s fine.”

Jimmy heard the tone in her voice and knew that even though she was happy for him, she was miserable on the inside. “She had to go back to Cheyenne. Lou, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said turning and sitting down in one of the chairs at the small table.

Jimmy followed, shutting the door behind him and sat in the other chair, and looked at her. “You ain’t ever been able to lie to me, Lou. Well, ever since we found out you was a girl,” he said smiling. “Why ain’t Kid with you?”

Lou sighed. “I told you, he stayed back at the ranch.”

“You didn’t give him a choice did you?” Lou nodded. “What happened? You two’ve been together for so long.”

“Things haven’t been the same these past few years,” she sighed. “The ranch fell on hard times and even Buck sold out his share. We were doin’ everything to keep it from going under…” she grew silent for a few moments. “Then we learned I was finally pregnant.”

Jimmy could tell by the tone of her voice that as much as they had been struggling to have a family, when it finally had happened, it was at the worst possible time. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “Not as much as me. So Kid could keep working the ranch, I worked as a seamstress in the mornings and a waitress in the afternoons. The doctor told me to cut back and take it easy, but we needed the money. I had less than two months to go when I was walking home one night and tripped and landed on a fallen log. I was in so much pain that by the time Kid found me… I was so scared that I wouldn’t let him go for help. He stayed by my side for the next few hours as I gave birth to our daughter.” She bit her lip trying to stop the flow of tears, but couldn’t. “She was so tiny… She never had a chance.”

“Darlin’ I’m so sorry,” Jimmy consoled. “I’m sure it wasn’t…”

“You sound just like Kid. That it wasn’t my fault… These things just happen… But when you’re alone and been lyin’ on the cold and wet ground for three hours, loosing the one thing you’ve wanted for so long… Well it doesn’t matter what everyone says, it only matters how I feel.”

Same old Lou, he thought. No matter the truth, no matter what anyone tells her, she’ll always blame herself.

“How long ago?”

“It’ll be a year next week,” she said quietly. “Kid tried to ease the pain but nothing worked. Then Jeremiah announced he and Beth were expectin’ their fourth and things just went downhill from there. Then Kid… well he ain’t even touched me since I told him that I wasn’t ready to try again, that I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready. It got so bad, I left the day after my birthday and I haven’t looked back.”

Jimmy knew there had to be more to the story, but didn’t press. After a few moments of listening to her silent sobs, he finally spoke. “If you ain’t in the mood for lunch…”

“At this point, don’t you mean supper? It’s already getting dark out,” she laughed and pointed towards the window.

Jimmy groaned. “Today’s Tuesday so the restaurant closes early.”

Lou took a deep breath and the next words out of her mouth shocked Jimmy even more than her story. “How about the saloon? Is the food there any good?”

“Lou, I don’t think that the saloon is the kind of place you want to go to. I know how you feel…”

“Damn it, Jimmy!” She yelled. “I want to be able to forget about everything for just one night. I just want to get drunk and forget. Is that so hard for you to understand?”

“You know that ain’t gonna help,” he reasoned. “Trust me. I’ve been there too many times. I just don’t want anything else bad to happen to you.”

“I know you won’t let anything happen to me. Besides I seem to recall you winnin’ all my money the last time we played poker. Don’t ya think it’s time I try to win some of it back?”

Jimmy sighed knowing he still wasn’t able to tell her no. “Alright, Lou, but if I see you getting in over your head, we’re leavin’. Is that understood?”

Lou nodded. “Thanks, Jimmy. Now let’s get goin’.”

~~~ *~* ~~~

Over the next few hours, Jimmy kept a close watch over Lou. By the time he’d finished his first beer, he’d already lost count of how much whiskey she’d drank but he had to admit the more she drank the better she was at poker. Soon they were the only players left at the table and he knew it was time to go.

“Come on, Lou. It’s time to get you back to your room,” he said trying to help her up.

“A few more minutes?” she begged.

Jimmy shook his head. “There ain’t no one left, you cleaned them all out.”

She reluctantly allowed him to help her up. “I did good, didn’t I?” she giggled. She covered her mouth when she realized it hurt her head.

Jimmy chuckled. “Yeah, Lou. You did real good. Now let’s get you out of here,” he said leading her towards the door.

“Hickok!” a voice called out from across the room. “Hickok where do you think you’re goin’?”

Jimmy turned towards the voice and groaned when he saw a drunk Jack McCall heading their way. “Jack, now’s not a good time,” he said.

“Now’s as good a time as any. You two took my money, and I want it back.”

“We won it fair and square,” Lou slurred drunkenly. “Not our fault you’re a lousy player,” she taunted.

“Lou, come on, let’s get outta here.”

“What’s the matter Hickok? You lettin’ some girl fight your battles for ya?” McCall argued.

“She’s more of a man than you’ll ever be, now go home, Jack,” Jimmy said continuing towards the door with Lou.

Jack grabbed Jimmy by the arm and swung him around. “No one’s goin’ anywhere until I get my money back,” he insisted.

“Everything okay, Jimmy?” a voice asked approaching the trio.

“Just fine, Charlie,” Jimmy answered. “Charlie, this is my old friend Louise McCloud. Lou, this is my good friend and partner, Charlie Utter.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” he said tipping his hat at her. “Jack givin’ you guys any trouble?”

Jimmy shook his head. “Nothin’ I can’t handle. Thanks though.”

Charlie nodded and went back to his card game, but continued to watch the confrontation going on by the door.

Jimmy reached into his pocket and pulled out some bills and handed them to Jack. “I suggest you use this for breakfast so you can sober up before going home.” Jimmy turned back to Lou and led her back to the hotel as quickly as possible. He wanted to make sure she was safe and followed her to her room.

“Thank you,” she said as she went to unlock the door.

“No problem. Make sure you lock the door after I leave. Night, Lou,” he said turning to walk away.

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah?” Jimmy was surprised that as soon as he turned around, Lou was right there and stood on her toes and started to kiss him passionately. He was suddenly taken back to the night when they had taken Elias Mills to be hanged and pulled her tiny body against his.

Lou broke the kiss and smiled as she saw the passion in his eyes mirrored her own and she led him into her room. She shut and locked the door behind them and turned back and immediately started undoing his shirt.

“Lou,” he protested, as he stilled her hands. “What are you doin’?”

“What does it look like?” She asked seductively. “Tell me you don’t want this?”

Jimmy groaned as she pushed his shirt off her shoulders and started on his pants. “Lou, stop. Me and Agnes may not take our vows seriously, but I know you and Kid…”

Lou shook her head. “I left him, Jimmy.”

“I’m sure you two will work it out. You just need some time apart.”

“He’s already found someone else,” she said quietly.

“I’m sure that’s not true. He loves you too much to do that.”

“He’s probably with Rachel right now,” she sighed.

“Rachel?” he asked stunned. He found it hard to believe that Kid could ever be so cruel and hurt the woman standing before him, when Jimmy would’ve once given anything to have her as his.

“Stay with me tonight,” she begged leading him towards the bed and started undoing the buttons on the front of her dress. “Please?”

Jimmy groaned as the dress pooled at her feet. “I don’t want you doin’ something you’ll regret in the morning.”

Lou pulled him down on the bed with her and smiled. “Never. I’ve wanted this as long as you have. Make love to me, Jimmy.”

Jimmy knew he was in trouble because once again, he knew he couldn’t say no to her.

~~~ Rock Creek ~ Same Night ~~~

“I’m Jeremiah McCloud. Someone said my brother-in-law was here?”

The deputy nodded and led Jeremiah to a cell. Kid was curled up on the cot facing the wall. “As long as he agrees to pay for the damages, the owner of the saloon won’t press charges.”

“He’ll take care of it,” Jeremiah said shaking his head. “I just don’t understand how this could’ve happened.”

“That’s why we’re bein’ lenient. Kid ain’t ever been any trouble before,” he said unlocking the cell. “I hated locking him up, but once he took a swing at me, I had no choice.”

Jeremiah nodded and went to wake Kid up. “Kid, come on. I gotta get you home.”

“Home? It’s not home as long as she’s gone,” he said quietly.

Jeremiah nodded. “She’ll come home soon,” he said helping him up. “No matter what, my sister loves you.”

Kid shook his head and they arrived at the buckboard. “I don’t deserve her love, but I miss her. Lou’s my life and I don’t know what to do now that she’s gone.”

“Give her some time. She’s just confused right now.” Jeremiah wished he knew what exactly had happen between the two that had practically raised him and Teresa. Kid wouldn’t talk about it, and her letters had been brief just saying she was fine and missed her brother and sister.

Kid settled into the back of the buckboard and curled up again. “I’ve lost her Jeremiah. She’s gone and won’t come back, and it’s my fault. Even if I could make it up to her, she’ll never love me the same way again. My life is nothing without your sister.”

Jeremiah nodded and headed back to his house, knowing taking him back to the ranch would be the worst thing to do when he was in this state of mind.

Chapter 4

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 2, 1876 ~~~

The next morning, Jimmy sat at a different poker table than the one he and Lou had sat at the night before. He hated the fact that he couldn’t see both doors, but his mind was too occupied with other things.

He kept cursing himself for allowing things to go as far as they did. He had sworn a long time ago that he would never hurt Lou, but he knew they had crossed the line last night. At least you were smart, he reasoned to himself.

Jimmy had just finished up a second letter when he was dealt the next hand. Looking at the four cards he’d been dealt and chuckled. “Guess my luck is changin’,” he boasted to the others.

~~~ *~* ~~~

Lou woke with a start, dazed and confused. Her head was pounding, but her body was tingling. She immediately looked around the room and realized she wasn’t back at the ranch with Kid, but in a hotel room. Suddenly memories of the night before assaulted her and she groaned. “Oh God!” She exclaimed to the silent room. “What have I done? What must Jimmy think of me?”

She wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and forget the way his hands had felt as he’d lovingly caressed her body. The way his tongue and lips had felt as he kissed every inch of her skin. The way his voice had sounded as he moaned her name. He’d made her feel alive for the first time in months, and she could hardly remember it. It was as if it had all been a dream, but her aching body told her otherwise.

Lou slowly got dressed and packed her belongings, wanting to get as far away from Jimmy, when there was a knock on her door. “Who is it?” she asked cautiously, praying it wasn’t Jimmy.

“Lou?” the voice responded. “It’s Charlie Utter. We met last night.”

She vaguely remembered meeting Jimmy’s friend and opened the door. “It is important Charlie? I’m sorry, but I’m in a bit of a hurry and…” The look on his face stopped her. “No!” She cried out as she backed up and collapsed into a chair.

“There was a shootin’ this morning at the saloon. Jack, the guy that confronted the two of you as you were leavin’ last night, shot Jimmy. It was quick. He didn’t suffer.”

Lou shook her head in denial. “You’re wrong, he’s fine,” she sobbed. “He was just here, he can’t be…”

“I’m sorry,” Charlie consoled. “I wish you were right.”

“Where’s this Jack? Where’s the bastard who did this?” Lou demanded as she began searching for her gun. When she located it, she hurried to the door.

“He’s already in guarded custody. You’re not the only one who wants revenge.”

“No one as much as I do,” she mumbled. “Oh no! I have to tell the others. They’ll want to come as soon as possible and…” and I’ll have to face Kid. Her sobs grew louder.

Charlie nodded. “I doubt they’ll get here in time. The funeral is at three tomorrow afternoon.”

Lou nodded, “This just doesn’t seem real. Like it’s all a bad dream,” she said collapsing in the chair again.

Charlie agreed. “I’ve only known him a few years, so I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. I’ll leave you alone now, but if you need anything…”

“Thanks, Charlie. I’m glad you’re here, I don’t think I could’ve handled everything that needed to be done.”

“No problem. I stay just outside of town, so if you or your friends need anything, just send someone to come get me.”

Lou nodded and gave him a weak smile as he left. She couldn’t believe that less than an hour ago she was planning on running so she wouldn’t have to face Jimmy. Now she’d never have the chance to see him again. She crawled back into the bed and couldn’t help but think how the one person she’d always turned to at times like this for comfort, would probably soon find comfort in the arms of someone else. She clutched the pillow that smelled so much like Jimmy as she fell asleep once more.

~~~ *~* ~~~

Lou woke several hours later and headed towards the telegraph office. The town seemed so much different now. With the exception of a few ranchers who hadn’t yet heard the news, the streets were deserted and many merchants had already closed for the day.

Don’t these folks know he wouldn’t have wanted this? She thought sadly. That he would’ve wanted them to go on with their lives?

As she passed by the office of the Black Hills Pioneer, the news board outside said in big letters:

Charlie really did think of everything, she thought thankfully as she continued to the telegraph office.

“I’m tellin’ you, it’s all a stunt.” Lou heard as she entered the office. “He probably owed too much money and faked his death.” The telegraph operator continued.

“Then that was the most realistic death I’ve ever seen,” the other man denied. “If anything, it was that wife of his in a jealous rage.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, he was with her all day yesterday, but you should’ve seen the lady he left with last night. She wasn’t the typical girl he’d leave with if you know what I mean.”

Lou had heard enough and cleared her throat to get their attention. Both men turned and the one who made the comment turned bright red in embarrassment.

“Sorry, ma’am,” he apologized as he tipped his hat. He turned back to the operator. “I better get goin’. I’ll talk to you later.”

The operator nodded and turned to Lou. “Is there something I can help you with?”

She nodded. “I needed to send a telegram to four different people,” she said sadly.

“Fill this out,” he said handing her a slip of paper.

Lou had already decided what to say on the way over. She quickly wrote it down and then handed it back to the operator. “I need this to be sent to the L & K Ranch in Rock Creek, Rachel Hunter in Rock Creek, Buck Cross at the Sioux camp outside Sweetwater and William Cody care of the Kansas Pacific Railroad. I need it sent as soon as possible.”

The operator nodded and told her the price. Lou handed over the fee and left feeling sadder than she had felt in quite some time.

~~~ Rock Creek ~ That Same Day ~~~

When Kid woke up at Jeremiah’s house that morning, he felt horrible and ashamed as the events of the night before returned. His loneliness and grief over Lou leaving led him to the one thing he swore he’d never become – an angry drunk, just like his father.

After having a long talk with Jeremiah, promising it would never happen again, Kid reluctantly headed home. It hasn’t been home since Lou left, he thought sadly. And you have no one to blame but yourself. When she needed you the most, you were too filled with guilt to be there for her.

When he arrived at the ranch, Rachel was waiting for him and he instantly knew something was wrong. “Rachel? Are you okay? Is it the...” he asked concerned, sitting next to her on the porch steps.

She shook her head. “I received a telegram. I’m sure you would’ve too, but you weren’t home.”

Kid felt as if his heart had jumped into his throat. “Lou?” he croaked.

“She sent the telegram.” Rachel handed him her copy.

Jimmy. Deadwood, Dakota. Funeral 3pm tomorrow. Come now. Lou

Kid sighed as a range of emotions surfaced. He felt sadness for the loss of a brother, but also jealousy that Lou had run to Jimmy after leaving him.

“Kid?” Rachel asked concerned.

“Are you up to travelin’? Deadwood is several days even by train.”

“It’s Jimmy,” she reminded him. “We have to go.”

Kid nodded. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning. Go home and pack what you need then get some rest. I’ll take care of the tickets and will pick you up in the morning,” he said distracted.

“Do you think Teresa would mind watching the girls? I’m sure they barely even remember Jimmy, and I’m sure it would remind them too much of when Teaspoon...”

“I’m sure she’ll enjoy having them. I’ll send word to Lou… I’ll send word when we’ll be arriving.”

“Kid, she’s going to need you. Maybe this will be what it takes for her to come home.”

“I hope you’re right, Rachel. I hope you’re right.”

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 3, 1876 ~~~

Lou was amazed at the turnout for Jimmy’s funeral. It seemed as if the whole town had showed to mourn the loss of a great man. Charlie offered Lou the seat that had been reserved for Agnes, but she preferred to stand behind the others, trying not to draw attention to herself.

Several times she’d turned beside her, longing for the comfort of Kid’s arms, but realized he wasn’t there. It was hard for her to stand there alone, but knew the others were on their way.

After the funeral, as Lou walked slowly back to the hotel, she was stopped by the telegraph operator running out to meet her.

“Miss McCloud! I have a telegram for you,” he said.

Lou nodded and took the slip of paper. She looked down at it and her heart felt as if it had stopped.

Lou. I still love you. On my way. See you on the 6th. Kid.

He claims he still loves you, but will he when he learns what you did? She asked herself silently. But how is it any different then when he was with Rachel? How could he do that and still say he loves you?

When she arrived at her room, Lou changed from her funeral clothes and slipped into more comfortable clothes. She slipped the telegram under her pillow and laid down for a quick nap.

Chapter 5

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 6, 1876 ~~~

The morning Kid was due to arrive, Lou was a nervous wreck. Even Buck and Cody had teased her about it at breakfast. She had tried telling them she was just excited to have everyone back together again, even under the circumstances, but they both knew her better.

Cody and Louisa had arrived the day after Jimmy’s funeral and Buck the day after that. By now, both knew what had happened between her and Kid, but neither knew about the events that occurred the night before Jimmy’s death. She knew it was going to be hard enough to tell Kid; if she told Kid. No one else needed to know.

About a half an hour before she was due to meet Kid, there was a knock on the door to her room. She opened it to find Buck on the other side. “Hey,” she said allowing him inside.

“Got a minute?” He asked entering her room and sat down at the desk.

Lou nodded. “Got several, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to apologize,” he told her.

Lou looked at him puzzled. “What for?”

“I had no idea, Lou. If I’d known you were pregnant when I left…”

Lou shook her head. “Buck, you had no way of knowing. We didn’t even know at the time.”

“Still, if I’d stuck around, then Kid would’ve had more free time. You wouldn’t have had to work two jobs and…”

Lou shook her head. “I made the choice to work, Buck. Kid could’ve stopped me.”

“I doubt that. He’s never been able to stop you from doin’ anything since the day he fell in love with you.”

Lou chuckled, knowing it was true. “I’d rather not talk about this anymore.”

“Is there any chance the two of you could work things out? You two have been in love with each other almost half of your lives. I know you said there was someone else, but are you sure? I just don’t see the Kid we know hurting you like that.”

Lou hadn’t told them who Kid had been with. She doubted they would believe it. At times she still had a hard time believing it. “I never thought so either, but I know what I saw.”

“Are you sure you’re up to goin’ to meet him? Cody and I can go and…”

“I have to face him sooner or later, but I still expect you and Cody to go with me to meet him.” Buck nodded. “Look, there’s another thing. Kid and I blame ourselves for what happened. It’s not your fault and it’s not his either,” she said quietly.

Buck stood and crossed to her and pulled her into his arms as the tears started to fall down her cheeks. “It’s not yours either, Lou. One day I hope you can understand that.”

Lou just shrugged knowing that no matter how many times she heard that, she’d never believe it in her heart.

~~~ *~* ~~~

Kid looked out the window as the train pulled in the station. He saw Cody and Buck waiting and wondered where Lou was. He had hoped, no prayed, that after reading the telegram that she would be waiting for him. As the train came to a stop, he smiled as he saw her approach their friends.

Lou stopped when she saw Kid’s face in the window. Despite everything, she hadn’t realized how much she had missed him until she saw him smile at her. Maybe Buck is right, she thought. Maybe there is still a chance for us.

Lou watched as he stepped off the train, and was about to approach him when he turned back towards the inside. She saw he was helping someone else, and when Rachel stepped off the train, Lou gasped. Despite the large travel case in front of her body, it was clear that Rachel was obviously pregnant.

“Lou?” Cody asked as he heard her gasp. When she didn’t reply, Cody looked at Buck who just shrugged. Both were stunned as Lou crossed to Kid and Rachel, and then slapped him across the face almost loud enough to be heard across town.

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 7, 1876 ~~~

Lou had refused to leave her room that night, or allowed anyone to see her. She couldn’t believe she had hoped that there was a chance between her and Kid, but seeing Rachel killed any hopes she had for that.

The next morning, the group met at Jimmy’s grave for their own private memorial. Cody stood beside Lou with Buck on one side while Kid and Rachel stood on the other side. Kid kept staring across the fresh mound of dirt willing Lou to look at him.

He was almost sure she had smiled back at him yesterday while he was on the train, but his cheek still stung where she had slapped him. He had tried, even begged her to talk to him through her door last night, but to no avail. Then when he went to her room this morning to ask if he could escort, she was already gone.

As each of the remaining Express family said their goodbyes to Jimmy, Kid’s heart broke at Lou’s quiet goodbye.

“You were there when I needed you the most, Jimmy. When I had no one else to turn to,” she said looking briefly at Kid. “You were the one I could go to and you knew just what I needed to hear. At times it seemed as if you were the only friend I had left in the world. You made me feel alive after I’d been dead inside for so long. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you now.”

The other watched as Lou knelt in front of the marker Charlie had created and placed at the head of his grave. She gently kissed her fingers and then touched them to the marker and down to the ground. Only Kid saw her whisper a silent “I love you.”

Lou started to leave, too overcome with emotions, but Buck placed his gentle arm on her shoulder. Lou turned and cried into his chest. Kid choked up at the memory of her doing the same thing to him only months ago at Teaspoon’s funeral.

She’s turning to someone else now, he thought. You have to find a way to reach her. Get her to talk to you again. You need to find a way to prove you still love her as much if not more than the day you learned her secret. Finally it was his turn to speak.

“Jimmy, I wish you were here right now. This family has suffered so much loss already, but I also wish you were here to give me advice.” Kid looked up and realized Lou was watching him. “I’ve really screwed up this time and don’t know how, or even if, I can make things right. I don’t know if anything will ever be right again, at least for us. But at least you’ve finally are in a place where you don’t have to worry about watching your back anymore. We all love you, Jimmy, and we’ll miss you. Goodbye brother.”

Everyone stood around for a few more minutes in silence. After agreeing to meet for dinner later that night, they started to break apart. Kid caught up with Lou.

“Can we talk?” He asked cautiously. “Please?”

“We have nothing to say anymore, Kid.”

“Lou, please. Don’t walk away from me again.”

She finally turned and Kid saw the fury in her eyes. “You walked away first, Kid.”

“I still love you, Lou,” he said.

“Yeah?” Lou looked over at Rachel who was standing with Cody and Buck. “It’s obvious how much. Tell me Kid, did you two at least wait until Teaspoon was gone? ‘Cause by the looks of things, you didn’t.”

Rachel had heard enough and approached the couple. “Louise, what are you talkin’ about?”

“You can have him Rachel. It’s obvious you’re willin’ to give him something I can’t.”

Lou turned to leave but Rachel grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “Let’s get one thing straight here. No matter what you’ve deluded yourself into thinkin’, this child is Teaspoon’s,” she said placing her hands on her swollen stomach. “And the fact that you would even think I’d be unfaithful to him, or to his memory makes me sick.”

Lou wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. She wanted more than anything for Rachel to be telling the truth.

“But how do you explain what I saw when you greeted him that night,” she said quietly. “When you answered the door, you were barely wearing anything. And I saw how you threw your arms around him and kissed him. It looked very friendly to me.”

“It was an innocent hug!” Kid exclaimed, shocked that Lou could even think it was something more.

Rachel nodded. “The gown I was wearing was the last one Teaspoon gave me. I’d slept in it every night since he died. As for the greeting… I was thrilled. I had just learned that morning that I was pregnant. That even though he was gone, Teaspoon had given me one last thing that I could remember him by. Until then I’d been worried something was wrong with me.”

At her explanation, Lou suddenly felt very ashamed.

“I thought you knew me better than that, Louise,” Rachel sobbed. “I don’t see how you could think I could… Or even Kid could do that to you.”

“Rachel,” Kid said seeing how emotional she was getting. “Would you mind leavin’ us alone? Maybe you’d better let me talk to her for a little bit.”

“Not a problem,” Rachel hissed. “Even though I don’t think she deserves it, I’ll even make sure curious ears are gone as well,” she said gesturing to Cody and Buck who looked like they would fall over any minute as they tried to hear what was being said.

“Thanks,” he said smiling at her. After they left, Kid turned back to Lou who was looking down at the ground. He cupped her face in his hands. “Lou, why would you think I could ever be unfaithful to you? Don’t you know how much I love you? How much I’ve always loved you?”

Lou shrugged. “You were never home anymore,” she said trying to look away, but Kid refused to let her face go. “You wouldn’t tell me what you were doing or where you were going. You even stopped touching me. And I just don’t mean an in intimate way. You used to always just lightly touch me as if you were just tryin’ to tell me you were there. That you’d always be there next to me.”

He sighed. “I stopped because you started flinching when I touched you like that. If I tried to hold your hand, you’d pull it back. If I went to kiss your forehead, you’d duck away from me. I was dyin’ inside and you wouldn’t talk to me. I blamed myself for the death of our daughter, and when you started pullin’ away, I knew you blamed me too.”

She shook her head. “It was never your fault, Kid, and I never blamed you.”

“But I did. That day when you didn’t come home, I knew something was wrong. You had been lookin’ forward to decorating the nursery and I knew you wouldn’t be late. Then when I found you in the woods… I knew it was my fault because you were workin’ the two jobs when I should’ve given up on the ranch and supported you.”

“I guess we were both wrong,” Lou said giving him a half smile.

Kid shook his head. “No, just me. I shouldn’t have kept trying to force you to talk about it, but I needed to talk to someone. I was scared I was loosing you, but I lost you anyway.”

“Why didn’t you come after me?”

“I didn’t think you were actually leavin’ me. I figured you just needed a few days to cool off and think things through. By the time I realized you were really gone…” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “I guess we have a lot to deal with still, but I still love you, Lou. I could never be unfaithful to you.”

Lou nodded. She was about to say she still loved him, but she was swamped with guilt even more when she remembered what happened between her and Jimmy. Tell him, she told herself. He needs to know that even though he’d never be unfaithful, you were.

Thunder boomed overhead and the skies opened up. Kid took her by the hand and the both ran back to the safety of the hotel. He finally released her hand when they were inside the lobby.

“I’ll let you go so you can order up a bath and warm up,” he said, longing for her to beg him to come back to her room, but he knew it would take some time to get there again.

Lou nodded. “I’ll see you at dinner?”

Kid smiled down at her. “And hopefully for many more meals after that.”

Lou gave him a tentative smile and headed to her room.

Chapter 6

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 7, 1876 ~~~

When Kid knocked on Lou’s door that night to take her to dinner, he felt as nervous as when he first asked her to dance at a town social. This is your wife, he thought. Why are you so nervous?

But Kid knew the answer. He hoped after their talk this morning that Lou would be coming home with him. He longed to ask her, but knew it was better not to push for an answer. He had decided they just needed time to work through everything still, but as long as that time wasn’t apart from her, he’d give her whatever she wanted. Finally he knocked on the door.

Lou was finishing her hair when she heard the knock on her door. After she had returned to her room, she had thought a lot about their conversation and what it meant for them now. She expected Kid to beg her to come home with him, and part of her longed to. But part of her wasn’t sure after what happened with Jimmy. She wasn’t sure how he would take the news, but she couldn’t not tell him.

To make matters worse, as she was relaxing in the tub, she remembered the date and she couldn’t seem to get it out of her mind. Of course not, she thought. She sighed and went to open the door as she heard him knock again.

“Hey,” she smiled when she saw him.

Kid’s breath caught in his throat as he saw her. The dress she wore earlier was baggy, but now that she had changed, he noticed that she’d lost several pounds since he’d last seen her. But it didn’t matter to him, she was still just as beautiful as the day he married her.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” He said as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead.

Lou nodded. “I don’t mind bein’ reminded,” she said chuckling.

Kid looked down at her and knowing he’d sworn to go slow, couldn’t help but lower his head and kissed her lightly on the lips. He longed to deepen the kiss; to show her how much she still meant to him, but wanted her to take that first step for fear of scaring her off again.

When Kid pulled back, Lou wondered why he didn’t deepen the kiss. Why he didn’t kiss her with the same passion he once did. Shaking the doubt out of her head, she smiled at him.

“Are you ready to go?” She asked.

“We better go before we’re late,” he replied. Or before I take you to bed to prove how much I still love you.

She took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the restaurant. When they entered, Lou saw Cody lean into whisper at Buck and then both looked at the couple smiling. Kid and Lou both blushed as they sat down at the table, causing the boys to laugh.

“You two alright now?” Buck asked curiously.

Kid looked over at Lou lovingly and smiled. “Better than we were. We still have some things to talk about, but yeah, we’re alright.”

Lou just nodded, but couldn’t help the glares Rachel was sending her way.

“Rachel, I owe you an apology,” she started. “I do know you would never try and… I know you’d never do what I thought you did,” she said hanging her head down in shame. “I guess I just overreacted because I was worried. Kid wouldn’t tell me what he was doing or where he was going at night, and when I followed him to your place… I know that’s no excuse, but I’m sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

“I guess if I was in the same situation, I’d have thought the same thing. And Kid’s as much to blame as you are. If I’d known he wasn’t talking to you, I would’ve made sure you knew what was going on. I’ll be honest, what you said this morning really hurt, and I’m not sure if things will ever be the same between us again, but I do accept your apology.”

Lou nodded in understanding. After they ordered their meals, Lou quietly listened to the banter of her friends, and it felt as if they had traveled back in time and were back in the bunkhouse at meal time instead of a nice restaurant.

Kid grew concerned about Lou being so quiet and then realized why. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten what the day was, he was just trying to focus on happier things. He reached under the table and took Lou’s hand in his. She gave it a squeeze and placed it in her lap.

After awhile, the group started to break apart. Cody was heading home the next day, Buck, Rachel and Kid the day after that. After saying their goodbyes and promising not to wait so long for their next reunion, everyone returned to their hotels.

Kid walked Lou to her room, and as they stood outside her door, he once again felt like he did back when they were first discovering their feelings. He didn’t want to let her go, but as he went to say goodnight to her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and began kissing him.

“Lou,” he groaned as they broke the kiss.

“Stay with me tonight,” she said huskily.

“Are you sure, Lou?”

She nodded. “I don’t want to be alone,” she said opening the door and leading him inside. Lou didn’t want to be alone. The events of the past few days had finally taken their toll. “Please, Kid. I need you to hold me like you used to. I need for you to love me and comfort me like you did when Ike and Noah died. I need you to make me feel alive again. I need my husband again.”

Kid smiled at her last words. He pulled her to him and held her tightly against her body. “I never stopped being your husband, Lou. I don’t ever want to stop. You don’t know how miserable I’ve been without you.”

She shook her head. “Not as miserable as I’ve been this past year,” she said as her mouth descended on his.

Her words hit Kid like a bucket of cold water and he broke the kiss. “Lou, why are you doing this? Is it because…”

“Because what?” She said angrily. “Because it was a year ago today that I killed our child?”

“You’ve been fightin’ this for months, and I know you’re just tryin’ to forget, but even if we could… Even if we could both forget how tragic it was, it won’t bring her back, Lou.”

Lou turned away. “You don’t think I know that? Forget it, this was a mistake.”

Kid stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on top of hers. “I just don’t want you doin’ this for the wrong reasons. When you left me, I swore if I was given a second chance, I’d do anything not to hurt you again.”

Lou nodded, amazed that he really did still love her. “Please, Kid,” she begged. She could feel his arousal pressing against her and knew he wanted it as much as she did. She turned and looked into his ice blue eyes. She wanted him to see that she wanted this because she did still love him.

Kid saw the desire in her eyes and knew he would give her anything she’d ask. He nodded as he led her towards the bed. It had been too long, but the lovers took their time as they rediscovered each other; what the other wanted, what they liked, what they needed.

When it was over, Lou buried her face in his chest as Kid lightly ran his nails up and down her back. He felt the warm tears on his chest and hugged her tighter. “I love you so much, Lou.”

Lou nodded against his chest, to overcome with emotions to speak.

“Teresa and Jeremiah will be glad you’re coming home, but not as glad as I am,” he said kissing her forehead.

Lou’s body stiffened at his words as she heard his breathing become deep. She lay in his arms for a little while longer before she quietly slipped out of them and sat at the desk. She looked at Kid and made up her mind.

~~~ Deadwood, Dakota Territory ~ August 8, 1876 ~~~

Kid turned over the next morning, longing to make love to his wife again, but instead her side of the bed was empty.

“Lou?” he asked as he sat up and looked around the room. Hoping she had just gone to breakfast, Kid got out of bed and started to get dressed. As he went to brush his hair, he saw an envelope leaning against the mirror with Lou’s neat writing on it. Instantly his heart knew what it said before he even opened it.

Kid,

Lou

Kid felt like a fool who had been used and then thrown away. He never thought he’d feel as bad as the day Lou left, but he was wrong. But this time, he didn’t know if he’d ever recover from her betrayal.

Chapter 7

~~~ Coastal California ~ October 27, 1876 ~~~

California was everything Lou had expected, but without Kid, she didn’t enjoy it as much as she had hoped. After she left Deadwood, she felt guilty about what she did, but as the weeks passed, the guilt was making her physically ill.

After two weeks, she began to think something was seriously wrong. Memories of her mother on her death bed began to haunt her, and Lou finally gathered the courage to see a doctor. The news was the last thing she expected.

“Congratulations, Mrs. McCloud,” the doctor said as he finished the exam.

Lou swallowed hard. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “If you don’t believe me, from what you’ve told me, come April you’ll have all the proof you need.”

“If I’m lucky,” she mumbled.

“I know you said you were worried about what happened last time so just tell that husband of yours that I said you need to take it easy this time. If you have to work, I don’t want you workin’ two jobs, and nothing strenuous. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

Lou nodded. Oh God, what am I going to do? She thought. How can I face Kid when it might not be his?

The doctor handed her a packet of medicine. “This should help ease some of the sickness. Since you told me that during your first pregnancy that you weren’t sick, this might last longer than the first few months. So the best thing to do is get back to your husband as soon as possible and let him take care of you. Get plenty of rest and you should be fine. But since you’re plannin’ on traveling, I suggest you see your doc once you get home. Is that understood?”

Lou nodded. “Thanks.”

After leaving, Lou headed back to her hotel, her mind still reeling with the news. She spent the rest of the night debating whether or not to go back to Rock Creek. She didn’t want to go through the pregnancy alone, but she wasn’t sure how Kid would take it when he learned that she did do the one thing she had falsely accused him of. Not only that, but that it might have resulted in a child.

The thought of not telling him entered her mind more than once, but he needed to know. Her mind made up, she decided to tell him, and if he wanted her to leave, she would. But she just hoped that the love she hoped they still shared was strong enough to survive this and anything else that came their way.

~~~ L & K Express Ranch, Rock Creek ~ November 13, 1876 ~~~

Kid was out in the pasture breaking in a new horse when he felt her presence. He’d dreamed of this day since she’d left him, but now that the moment had arrived, he wasn’t sure how he felt.

“Hey,” she said leaning against the coral fence. She watched him and felt a longing as his muscles glistened with sweat despite the cold temperatures.

Kid ignored her and continued working.

“Would you look at me please? We need to talk.”

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” he questioned without stopping his work.

“Kid, please.” When he didn’t respond she sighed. “How’d you know?”

Kid smiled briefly, glad that she couldn’t see the excitement in his face. “After runnin’ off like you did, that’s the only reason I can see you comin’ home.”

“What about the fact that I missed you? That I still love you? Isn’t that reason enough?”

“Maybe,” he sighed. “If you hadn’t said that to me before you left me. Again.” Lou turned and started walking away, but Kid’s voice stopped her. “Are you really back to stay this time?”

She turned and realized he was now walking towards her. “Guess that depends on you,” she said quietly.

“If you promise to stay this time, promise not to run and if you try to give us a chance to work through our problems, then I want more than anything for you to stay.”

She looked into his eyes so filled with love and knew she was about to shatter his hopes. “You might not say that after you learn what I have to say.”

“Is there something wrong with the baby?”

Lou shook her head. “Not that I know of. Well except for… I’m so sorry, Kid,” she said starting to cry.

“Sorry for what? Lou you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

“I… What would you say… What would you do…”

“What would I what? Lou, just tell me, please,” he begged.

“What if it the baby might not be yours?”

Kid was speechless. His first thought was that once again she had been violated the way Wicks had done so long ago, but the look in her eyes told him he was wrong. He didn’t even want to think his next thought.

“Is that a possibility?” Was the only thing he could think to say. Lou slowly nodded. He swallowed hard knowing as much as he didn’t want to he had to know. “Jimmy?”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, her sobs growing louder.

“When?”

“The night before he was killed. We had gone out and I did something I hadn’t done in a long time; I got drunk. I knew it was a mistake, but I was hurting so bad and…” Kid looked away from her but the pain on his face was all she needed to see. “I’ll go,” she said quietly. “I thought you’d want to know, but if you don’t want me here…”

“Was it worth it?” He asked. “Was finally giving in to what you’ve both wanted for so long worth ruining our marriage?”

“No, but I don’t regret it. Kid, I thought I wasn’t ready… Thought I’d never be ready again, but whether this child is Jimmy’s or yours, I’ll never regret bein’ given a second chance to have a child.”

“I’d give anything for this child to be yours, but we may never know. I was hopin’ that it wouldn’t matter to you, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll go now.”

Kid waited until she was halfway across the yard before he called out after her. “Do your brother and sister know you’re back?”

Lou turned back and shook her head. “Not yet. I came to see you first.”

“Why? So you could run again if I turned you away?”

“I’m sick of runnin’, Kid,” she said quietly. And I prayed you loved me enough not to turn me away, she thought sadly.

“Go and see them. Teresa’s been worried to death about you and Jeremiah’s and Beth haven’t even tried to have another child,” he joked. “When you come back, we’ll figure things out from there.”

“Are you sure you want me to come back?” She questioned, holding her breath.

Kid nodded. “As long as there’s a chance that child you’re carryin’ is mine, then you’ll be welcome here.”

Lou shivered at the coldness of his tone. She knew he was upset, but she had hoped he’d be more receptive. Finally she nodded. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be.”

“Take your time,” he said going back to the coral.

~~~ *~* ~~~

As Lou approached Teresa’s door, she realized she wouldn’t have to go far to find both her brother and sister. She heard Jeremiah’s unmistakable laugh as well as a baby crying. Her hand instantly touched her stomach and she knocked on the door.

Teresa heard the knock on the door and smiled. “That’s probably Kid,” she said as she awkwardly stood with help from her husband. She crossed to the door, and opened it.

“Hey, Tess,” Lou said smiling, trying not to laugh at her sister’s enormous stomach. The last thing she expected was for Teresa to slap her.

Michael and Jeremiah heard the slap and immediately ran to the door. “Lou!” Jeremiah exclaimed. “You’re back.”

Lou nodded as she hugged her brother. “Well at least someone is glad to see me,” she replied.

“When did you get back?” Teresa demanded.

“Tess, why don’t you invite Lou in?” Michael prompted.

“Why? She’s been gone for four months, barely writes to us never telling us where she’s at and then she just shows up on my doorstep and expects me to act like nothing happened? That my big sis wasn’t here to help me deal with my first pregnancy?”

“I’m sorry, Tess. I tried to explain…”

“Yeah and so did Kid. But even he couldn’t explain why you claimed you still loved him but wouldn’t come home when he asked you to.”

“Teresa,” Jeremiah admonished. “You know it ain’t as easy as that.”

“Maybe I should go.” Lou turned to leave.

“Yeah, the one thing you’ve always been good at was runnin’,” Teresa snapped.

Lou shook her head and started walking away. Jeremiah caught up with her. “Are you alright?”

Lou shrugged. “I hoped at least Teresa would welcome me back with open arms.”

“It’s been hard on her. Every little twinge or pain she’s experienced in her pregnancy has scared her. She wanted you more than anything to tell her it was normal, but you weren’t here. She didn’t have anyone she could talk to.”

Lou nodded. “I just needed to be on my own to sort things out. I thought that Kid…”

Jeremiah nodded. “He told me everything. I can’t believe you’d think he would ever cheat on you, and with Rachel. Lou, what were you thinking?”

“I feel bad enough, Jeremiah, I don’t need you condemning me as well. It’s bad enough that I… Never mind. I better get back to the ranch. Not that I got a better reception there.”

Jeremiah looked puzzled. “Kid wasn’t glad to see you?”

“It’s a long story and I’d rather not talk about it right now,” she sighed.

“Are you back to stay?” Lou nodded. “Teresa will come around. She’s going to need you more than ever these next coupla months. Do you think you’ll be okay to help her?”

“I’m pregnant, Jeremiah,” she blurted out.

Her brother smiled wide. “Congratulations! Is that why you came home? Kid must be thrilled. He…” He stopped as he saw Lou fighting back tears. “Lou, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it. Please don’t tell anyone, I’m not ready to let them know.” Jeremiah nodded in understanding. “Thanks. I better get goin’. Would you just tell Tess that I’m not leaving this time if I have anything to do about it?”

“She’ll come around,” Jeremiah said hugging his sister. “Kid will too, whatever’s going on between you two.”

“Thanks, Jeremiah. I’ll see you later.”

Lou headed back towards the ranch and wondered if things would ever be the same again.

Chapter 8

~~~ Hickok Residence, Cheyenne ~ November 23, 1876 ~~~

When Agnes received word of her husband’s death, she experienced mixed feelings. She and Jimmy had had a strange type of marriage, but she did love him in her own way. They were both free spirits, and were free to pursue other options during their time apart. She was even with one of her companions at the time of Jimmy’s death.

Charlie had sent Agnes all of Jimmy’s belongings and it took her quite some time before she was finally able to sort through them. It was emotional for her since it was Thanksgiving, and as she opened the first box, she found two letters on the top. She opened the first one, and tears began to fall as she read it.

Agnes Darling, if such should be we never meet again, while firing my last shot, I will gently breathe the name of my wife—Agnes—and with wishes even for my enemies I will make the plunge and try to swim to the other shore. [¹]

As she read the other one, she quickly realized it wasn’t meant for her and smiled. “You never could resist her could you, Jimmy?” She asked smiling. “How hard it must’ve been.” She quickly placed it back in the envelope and addressed it to the rightful owner.

She continued to go through the items, deciding which to keep for herself and which to send to his friends. By the time she was finished, she decided to give an extra thanks for having had such a wonderful man in her life, if even for a short time.

~~~ L & K Ranch, Rock Creek ~ Christmas, 1876 ~~~

Since Lou had returned home, things were strained between her and Kid. Lou longed for his friendship at least, but it seemed she didn’t even have that anymore. He worked all day and even slept in a different room at night. He made sure she was taking care of herself as well as the baby, but at times she longed for him just to kiss her on the cheek or to say something that didn’t involve her health. More importantly, she longed to hear him say he still loved her.

At Thanksgiving, she enjoyed having her entire family over, and Teresa even eventually warmed up to her. Lou knew part of the reason was with a little over two months to go in her pregnancy, Teresa was scared, and Lou knew that feeling all too well.

The day before Christmas Eve, Kid was on his way to do the morning chores, when he heard a noise coming from the nursery. He slowly opened the door and his heart broke as he saw Lou leaning against the wall in the corner crying.

The way she was leaning reminded him of when he had found her in the woods that awful day. But then it had been a tree she was leaning against instead of a wall.

“Lou, what’s wrong?” He asked as he immediately crossed the room and sat down next to her. “Is it the baby? Are you in any pain? Has something happened? Why didn’t you wake me?” He questioned not giving her a chance to answer. He wrapped his arms around her and really worried as she rested her head on her shoulder. “Lou, talk to me. Please, darlin’.”

She sniffed and then wiped her eyes. “I had a dream,” she said quietly. “It was so real. I could hear her crying and I could see her sleeping, but when I came in here… I’m so scared Kid. What if something happens again? What if we never have a child together?”

Kid held her tighter, finally realizing just how long she’d been holding everything in. “Nothing’s going to happen this time, Lou. And if it does, well, we’ll keep trying. But this time, we won’t push each other away.”

“You wouldn’t rather it happen again? That way next time you’d know it’s yours?” she asked him very seriously. “I don’t know how you can still love me knowing what I did,” she whispered.

Kid sighed. “I do love you, Lou. This child is part of you, whether it’s part of me or not. And Jimmy was a brother to both of us. It’s possible that he’s given us something I couldn’t; something you’ve always wanted. How could I not love something that’s part of him too? How could you think I’d turn this child away?” He asked trying to reassure her.

“You found your way back to me, Lou. That’s all that matters. That’s all that ever mattered. It’s not like I didn’t do stupid things when we broke up all those years ago.”

Finally Lou chuckled and nodded. “You’ll never know how much I regret that night, Kid. If I could go back and change things…”

Kid shook his head. “But we can’t, we just have to keep going forward.”

Lou was about to say something when she suddenly grabbed her stomach. Once again Kid’s fears surfaced. “I’m going to get the doc,” he said standing up.

“Kid, wait. I’m fine,” she said smiling. “Come here.” She patted the space he’d just vacated. When he sat down, the concern and fear still obvious on his face, she took his hand and placed it over her stomach. She waited a few minutes then smiled. “Did you feel it?”

Kid was disappointed when he couldn’t feel anything. But he knew she was already in a vulnerable mood and nodded. He felt awful for not telling her how he felt sooner and wanted to make it up to her.

~~~ *~* ~~~

Later, Kid went into town to pick up some last minute items Lou needed and stopped in at Tompkins.

“Kid,” the storekeeper greeted as he entered. “It’s about time you came in.”

“I’ve been pretty busy around the ranch, so Lou would always do our shoppin’,” he answered.

“I know, but you guys got a package coupla weeks ago, and I told Lou to have you come in.”

“Why didn’t you just give it to Lou?” Kid asked as he started to gather the items Lou had on the list.

“Well since its heavy, I figured in her condition, it was best you pick it up.”

Kid stopped and turned to face Tompkins. “Her condition? She told you?” Kid was surprised. As far as he knew, only he and Jeremiah knew Lou was pregnant.

Tompkins shook his head. “No, but the way she’s been eyein’ the new baby stuff I’ve been getting, I knew there had to be a reason. Besides, I’ve seen enough ‘pectin’ women to recognize that glow. I know Teresa and Michael already have most of what they need as does Rachel and I didn’t think Beth and Jeremiah were expectin’ again. Congratulations.”

Kid nodded. “Thanks.” An idea formed in his head. “Is there anything in particular she was lookin’ at? I’ve already gotten her a present, but I wouldn’t mind pickin’ up something extra.”

Tompkins smiled. “She was pretty much lookin’ at everything. Why don’t you take a look at it while I get your package and the rest of the items on the list?”

Kid nodded and handed him the list while he went to the baby section. He was cautious about buying something this early, but couldn’t help but to smile as he saw the items he knew Lou had fallen in love with. Even though things were strained between them, he was excited about the baby and couldn’t wait until Lou was ready to shop for things again.

He picked out several small items – a few tiny outfits he still couldn’t imagine a baby ever being small enough to wear and a few toys. He decided to wait on the larger items such as the crib, but he couldn’t resist going ahead and getting the rocker. He could just see Lou in it as she fed their child or as she rocked their child to sleep. When Tompkins returned, he took the smaller items to the counter.

“I also want to buy the rocker, but can I pick it up in a few days?”

Tompkins smile grew wide and nodded. “Good choice. Every time she’s come in, she’s asked if she could sit in it. Now normally I wouldn’t do this, but since you two deserve a little happiness, how about I deliver it late tomorrow night? You could set it up in that room you’re plannin’ on for the nursery and surprise her Christmas Day.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kid smiled, touched at the storekeeper’s generosity. He finished paying for everything and loaded up the buckboard. The package was heavy, and noted that it was to both of them from Jimmy’s wife. He was curious as to its contents, and decided he would go ahead and open it once he got home.

After unloading the buckboard and hiding Lou’s smaller gifts, Kid sat in the barn going through the box when an unsealed envelope fluttered to the ground. He saw it was address to Lou, and nervously held the letter. Knowing it was from Jimmy’s wife didn’t make it any easier.

Don’t read it, he thought to himself. Who knows what it may say and do you really want to know more than you already do? It hurts when you look at Lou now, because you know that the child she’s carryin’ might not be yours. What will this letter prove? How much more pain can it bring?

But it was the last thought that made him give in to the temptation. If the letter contained bad news or something that could upset Lou, then he was worried about the baby. After reading the letter, Kid wasn’t sure whether to be angry, sad, or happy. It was as Jimmy was speaking to both of them beyond the grave. You finally gave me what I needed so bad, Jimmy, he prayed. Once again you’ve made me realize what an idiot I’ve been. Thank you.

Kid only hoped that now, things between him and Lou would get better. Not only did he miss his wife, but more than anything, he missed his best friend.

Lou had spent most of the day finishing the putting up the decorations and was exhausted. The only thing she had waited on was the tree, and that’s because she and Kid had always decorated it together. But he had gone into town several hours ago, and she hadn’t seen him since.

Deciding to do it in the morning, with or without his help, before their guests arrived, she went to turn in for the night just as Kid was coming back in.

“Sleep in tomorrow, Lou. I want you to take it easy,” he said as she was half way to the bedroom.

She shook her head. “With Teresa, Michael, Jeremiah, Beth and their kids comin’, that’s hard to do. I have to cook the ham and bake the pies and…”

“I’ll do it,” he offered. “You already have most of everything prepared already, just tell me what time to put them in to cook and for how long and what else needs to be done with the stuff I got in town.”

“Kid, you have chores to do tomorrow. I can’t expect you to…”

Kid crossed to meet her and cupped her face gently. “The chores can wait.”

Lou saw the plea in his eyes and nodded. “Are you sure you can handle it? I don’t mind.”

He smiled down at her. “If it makes you feel better, you can sit at the table and instruct me on what to do. Lou, please. I may not have been the best husband these last few months, but I want to do this for you. Let me do this for you.”

“You’ve always been the best husband, Kid. I just wish I could’ve been a better wife,” she said quietly. “Then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Kid pulled her into his arms. “I didn’t make it any easier for ya.” He pulled back and turned her face up towards him so she could see into his eyes. “But tomorrow, I’ll still have the best present that I’ve gotten every year the last sixteen years.”

“What’s that?” She asked, hoping she knew the answer.

“You,” he said before kissing her lightly on the lips. “I love you, Lou. I never stopped.”

“I love you too, Kid. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He smiled at her and took her hand in his, placing it over his heart. “Would you mind if you see me before then?” he asked shyly.

“What do you mean?” Lou asked confused.

“I miss waking up with you in my arms beside me. If you’ll have me, I’m ready to come back to our bed.”

“I never asked you to leave it. You made that choice not me.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “I’ll try not to wait up for you,” she said seductively before turning to hurry to their room.

Kid groaned longing to follow her, but knew if he was going to give her the day off, he might as well get a start on his chores.

Chapter 9

~~~ L & K Ranch, Rock Creek ~ Christmas Eve, 1876 ~~~

When Lou woke the next morning, her first thought was there was something wrong with the baby and she sat straight up. It was then that she realized the pressure in her stomach she had been feeling was Kid’s arms protectively wrapped around her belly. She wondered what had brought on the sudden change in him, but decided not to question it.

She quietly slipped from his arms and went to the kitchen to start coffee, and despite his insistence to take it easy, start the food for the day.

“I told you I’d do that,” Kid said an hour later, sneaking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist again as she was bent over placing something in the oven.

Lou stood and turned to face him. “Kid, what’s goin’ on with you? Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I’ve realized how much of an idiot I’ve been,” he said resting his forehead against hers. “How much I’ve missed you.”

“Even though this baby might not be yours?” She asked quietly.

He lifted her face to look at him. “Lou, we’ve been through this. Even if this child were Jimmy’s, I’d love it as my own. He or she will be my child in every way that matters. I guess it just took me awhile to realize it.”

“Are you sure?” She asked doubtfully.

He nodded. “Now sit down and boss me around.”

“What about the tree? I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to go ahead and decorate it without you so I waited.”

“Why don’t you get started while I finish up in here?” Lou nodded. “And save some tinsel,” he said.

Lou stopped and blushed as past memories of how their tree decorating would often lead to other activities. Does he really mean it? She thought as she approached the tree. Could he really have had a sudden change of heart? Is he honestly willing to raise Jimmy’s child as his own? Will we ever be able to make love again without either of us thinking of my ultimate betrayal?

Lou was finding it hard to decorate as the tears began to fall. She longed to believe every word Kid said, but she knew how he felt. She remembered feeling the same thing when she thought he’d been with Rachel; she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to forgive him. The only difference is, she had been wrong.

“You okay, Lou?” Kid asked as he entered the living room and heard her crying.

Lou nodded and tried to smile. “Guess it’s just the hormones,” she lied as Kid began to nuzzle her neck. “If we’re gonna get this tree done before everyone gets here, we better get started.”

Kid nodded and they began to decorate the tree. When they were finished, Kid stood back and admired their work. “It’s missin’ something,” he said.

“What?”

“Presents. Be right back.” Kid went outside to where he’d hidden her gifts earlier after he wrapped them and brought them back inside. Lou’s eyes grew wide as she saw how many there were.

“Who are all these for?” She asked shaking her head.

Kid looked at her and smiled. “You.”

Lou felt ashamed. “Now I feel bad, I didn’t get you very much.”

Kid crossed to her and pulled her into his arms. “You’ve given me the best gift ever, Lou,” he said placing his hands on her belly. He smiled as she looked up at him and he couldn’t help it. He leaned in and kissed her gently at first, and it wasn’t long before they were both kissing each other hungrily and heading towards the floor.

“For the love of Saint Nick,” Teresa said entering the living room. “Save it for later, I don’t need to see that, and neither do the kids.”

Kid and Lou scrambled to their feet, ashamed they had been caught acting like a couple of teenagers, but disappointed they were interrupted. Kid looked at Lou with longing, and she knew tonight, Santa would be bringing her a special present.

~~~ *~* ~~~

“Why is it we’re in here and the girls are out there relaxing?” Michael asked a few hours later as they guys were in the kitchen finishing up the preparations for the meal.

“Because two of them are pregnant,” Jeremiah blurted before thinking.

“Again, Jeremiah?” Michael asked shaking his head. “Give that wife of yours a break,” he joked.

“It’s not Beth,” Kid said quietly. “Lou didn’t want to tell anyone yet.”

Michael nodded in understanding. “Congratulations, Kid. You must be thrilled.”

Kid nodded. “As long as everything goes fine this time,” he said. “Lou’s been a nervous wreck.”

“Well let’s get this stuff finished so she’ll have one last thing to worry about,” Jeremiah told them.

Inside the living room, the three women were sitting around sipping tea and talking.

“So Teresa,” Beth started. “What’s Michael getting you for Christmas?”

“Well I was hoping for this beautiful rocker I saw at Tompkins, but when we went there earlier, he had sold it.”

Lou’s ears had perked up at the mention of the rocker she’d fallen in love with since the moment she saw it, but sighed as she realized it had been sold.

“I’ve seen it, it was beautiful,” Beth agreed. “Some woman in town is a very lucky one. Lou, are you alright? You’re quiet all of a sudden.”

“Just tired,” she replied.

Teresa smiled. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant.”

Lou’s face turned white.

“Are you?” Beth asked excitedly.

Lou bit her lip and then slowly nodded. “We didn’t want to say anything after what happened last time,” she said quietly. Among other reasons, she thought to herself.

Beth and Teresa squealed in delight and ran to hug her. Inside the kitchen Michael tensed.

“What the?” Michael said as he started towards his wife.

Kid chuckled. “I think Lou just told them the news.”

Jeremiah laughed. “Trust me, that’ll be the last sound you hear when Teresa goes into labor.”

“Let’s get this food out there,” Michael joked. “Then again with two pregnant women, we might want to eat first before they devour the food.”

As they placed the food on the table, Kid went to the couch where Lou was sitting and sat down next to her. “You told them?”

“They figured it out. I know we wanted to wait, but…”

Kid smiled. “Michael just found out thanks to Jeremiah’s big mouth. Are you alright with them knowing?

Lou nodded. “They don’t know everything,” she said quietly. “I figured that was no one’s business but our own.”

Kid nodded. When will she believe that it doesn’t matter to me anymore? He thought. What will it take to show her I still love her no matter what?

They enjoyed the time with everyone, but Kid and Lou were glad when they were finally left alone for the evening. Beth and Jeremiah had been the first to leave, wanting to get their kids home so Santa could come early. Michael and Teresa left soon after when Teresa started nodding off.

“I’ll clean up, Lou. Why don’t you go on up to bed.”

“You’re not gonna join me?”

Kid heard the disappointment in her voice. “I’ve got a few more chores to do.”

Lou saw the look in his eyes and wondered what he was up to. “I’ll try not to wait up,” she said seductively.

Kid instantly grew aroused, wanting more than anything to follow her to the bedroom and continue what they were doing before they had been interrupted. But not only did he have a few more chores to do, he knew Tompkins would be delivering the rocker at any moment.

“Try to get some sleep,” he said before heading outside.

Lou wondered if maybe she’d misread his actions earlier. Walking by the tree on the way to their bedroom, she grabbed a few unused ribbons and decided she’d make sure that when he came to bed, he knew what she had in mind.

~~~ *~* ~~~

The next morning, Kid woke up slowly with a huge grin on his face. The last thing he’d expected when he’d gone to bed the night before was Lou wrapped in a blanket with several bows tied in strategic places. He groaned at the memory and his heart stopped as he rolled over to kiss her good morning, and found her side of the bed empty… Again.

He cursed himself for allowing himself to give into his desire. He didn’t expect her to run again, but there was nothing he could do. Dressing, he was on his way to do his chores when he saw the door to the nursery open. He quietly snuck up behind her and pulled her against him.

“Did you happen to notice anything in the nursery?” He asked feeling bad for his earlier assumption and kissed her neck.

“The rocker,” she said in awe. “You were the one who bought it.”

Kid nodded. “Tompkins said you loved it and always wanted to sit in it. I couldn’t help but picturing you feeding our child in it as you rocked him to sleep.”

Lou was beginning to realize just how much he meant when he said he’d love this child as his own, and would give anything for it to be true. “Thank you,” she said resting her head against his shoulder.

Kid turned her to face him and kissed her forehead. “No, Lou. Thank you.”

They stood there like that for quite some time, just enjoying each other’s presence and the love they saw in each other’s eyes. Finally Lou’s stomach growling interrupted the peacefulness. Kid chuckled. “Guess I need to feed you two.”

“Don’t you have chores?”

“They can wait,” Kid said. “Takin’ care of you is my priority now. If that means selling this ranch, I will.”

Lou shook her head. “You’ve worked so hard to get it back up and running,” she said.

“I don’t want you workin’ this time. I’ll do whatever it takes this time so you can take it easy.”

“Kid,” she started.

“No, Lou. I’ll even start looking for some help so I can spend more time with you. I mean it, this time things are gonna be different.”

Lou nodded knowing arguing wouldn’t change his mind. After breakfast, they sat in the living room opening their presents and with each baby item she opened, she fell more and more in love with Kid. She just wished there was a way she could give him the security of knowing the child she carried was his.

Chapter 10

~~~ L & K Ranch, Rock Creek ~ Early January, 1877 ~~~

Kid was awaken in the middle of the night to pounding on the front door. Quietly slipping from the bed so he wouldn’t disturb Lou, Kid went to answer it expecting to find one of his ranchman coming to get him for a problem. The last thing he expected was a worried Michael on the other side of the door.

“Micahel? What is it?” Kid asked worriedly.

“It’s Teresa. She went into labor early and she’s scared and beggin’ for Lou.”

“But she’s not due for more than month?” Lou said walking down the hallway towards them. “Are you sure?”

Michael nodded. “Her water broke and she’s in a lot of pain. I went to get the doc, but I can’t find him.”

“He’s in Seneca visiting his daughter,” Kid told him. “He won’t be back for a few more days.

“I forgot about that,” Michael sighed. “What should I do?”

“Go and get Rachel,” Kid instructed. “Lou and I will be there as soon as we can.”

Michael turned and ran towards Rachel as Kid shut the door. He noticed the scared look on Lou’s face and pulled her into his arms. “She’ll be alright, Lou. Women go through this all the time.”

“But she’s so early,” Lou cried. “What if…?” she couldn’t finish.

“She’ll be fine. She just needs her big sis right now, so let’s get you bundled up and get you over there,” he said trying to lead her to the bedroom.

Lou hesitated. She knew Teresa had been looking forward to Lou being there, but Lou was scared. She didn’t want to think about her sister going through the same thing she did. Teresa was stronger than Lou, and she had no doubt her sister could handle it, but Lou knew she wasn’t strong enough.

“Lou?” Kid asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “I can’t, Kid. I’m sorry,” she said running into their bedroom and closing the door behind her loudly.

Kid stared at his wife in shock and went after her. He found her lying face down on the bed crying. He sat next to her and rubbed her back. “I know what you’re thinking, Lou, but it’s not the same.”

“Kid, please don’t make me go,” she begged.

Kid regretted his next words as soon as they came out of his mouth. “Do you want her to go through that scared and alone like you did?”

Lou gasped at his words and started crying even louder.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he apologized.

“Yes, you did,” she said. “And no, I don’t want her to go through that, but she won’t be alone. She’ll have you and Michael and Rachel.”

Kid knew trying to change her mind at this point was hopeless. “Alright, Lou. I won’t make you go. Do you want me to stay with you?”

Lou shook her head. “Go… Go and tell her I love her.”

Kid nodded and stood to get dressed. Several hours after he’d left to go to her sister’s, Lou was tossing and turning in their bed, unable to sleep. It was almost as if she could hear Teresa calling out for her and each scream made Lou feel even worse.

~~~ *~* ~~~

“I want my sister!” Teresa screamed for the hundredth time. “Where is she?”

“She’s not feelin’ well, Tessie,” Michael tried to console her. “I know she wishes she could be here though.”

“I’m not having this baby without her by my side! She promised!”

“Teresa, I don’t think that’s gonna happen,” Rachel said as she checked on the young woman’s progress. “The baby is crowning and will be here soon.”

Teresa was so upset by her sister’s absence, she could hardly concentrate. “I want Lou,” she kept crying over and over. The others in the room understood the reason why Lou didn’t come, but they knew telling Teresa wouldn’t make things any easier.

“I… WANT… MY…. SISTER… HERE… NOW!” Teresa yelled through a strong contraction.

The door to the bedroom opened and everyone turned as they heard a chuckle. “Tess, I could hear you screaming from my house,” Lou said going to her sister’s side.

“You came,” she said breathless.

Lou nodded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Tessie.”

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” Teresa said relieved.

“Okay folks,” Rachel started. “It’s gotten too crowded in here so some people are going to have to leave.”

“Come on, Michael,” Kid said. “You really don’t want to be in here for this. Let’s go wait outside.”

Michael looked relieved. As much as he loved his wife, just being in the room made him feel like he was going to pass out.

Kid crossed to his wife and kissed her forehead. “Thanks for changin’ your mind,” he whispered.

Lou looked up and smiled. “Thanks for havin’ the buckboard ready.”

The men left the women alone, and Lou stayed by her sister’s side giving her words of encouragement. It scared Lou to see her sister in so much agony, and prayed she and the baby would make it through this all right.

An hour later, Michael flew up the stairs at the first sounds of his baby crying. Teresa was lying in bed holding their child and looked up and smiled at her husband.

“She did good, dad,” Lou said relieved it was over and the baby and her sister seemed perfectly fine.

“Thanks for bein’ here, Lou,” Teresa said resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. “I don’t think I coulda done it without you.”

Lou smiled. “Yeah you would’ve, but I’m glad I was here.” She looked over at Michael who seemed to be impatient. “Well while Rachel finishes up with things, I’ll let this little one’s daddy get acquainted with his son.”

Lou stood and headed for the door. As she left she heard Michael excitedly exclaimed, “Son?”

Kid met Lou at the bottom of the stairs. “Well?”

Lou smiled wide. “Momma and son are doin’ fine. Rachel thinks the doc might have been off on the due date. Little Michael looks perfect and healthy,” she said still in awe at the miracle she witnessed.

Kid pulled her into his arms, knowing that behind her excitement, Lou was still worried about their own child. “Ours will be too, Lou. Maybe seein’ your baby sister go through this and come out fine will finally convince you.”

Lou shrugged. “I hope you’re right, Kid.”

He saw her yawn and smiled. “It’s time to get you home. Are you ready?”

Lou nodded and allowed Kid to lead her outside where the snow had started to fall. Kid tied his horse to the back and helped Lou up. Once they were settled, Lou rested her head on Kid’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Kid.”

Kid heard her soft snore and turned her head to kiss her forehead. “I know you do, and I love you too.”

When they arrived back at the ranch, Kid pulled the buckboard in front of the house and carried a still sleeping Lou inside. By the time he saw her settled in and unhitched the buckboard, the sun was coming up and Kid went to check on his workers he had recently hired before crawling back into bed and pulled his wife against him as he settled into a deep sleep.

Chapter 11

~~~ L & K Ranch, Rock Creek ~ April 8, 1877 ~~~

Lou was miserable. With the baby past due, Kid watched her like a hawk, and it had gotten to the point she had to refuse when he wanted to carry her to the outhouse.

“Kid, I can walk there myself,” she complained.

“I know that,” he told her. “I’d just rather do it for you.” He picked her up in his arms and started to carry her outside.

“Put me down!” she insisted. “This is ridiculous.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“But it’s not like I haven’t done this a million times these last nine months. Please put me down.”

By this time they were already by the outhouse and Kid grinned wickedly. “You want me to put you down?” He said loosening his grip.

Lou’s eyes grew big as she realized what he was thinking. “Don’t you dare drop me!” She squealed in mock protest. “You don’t want to do anything that could hurt your child now would you?”

Kid began nuzzling her neck. “My child? I thought you weren’t sure,” he said grinning against her.

Lou’s body tensed. It was the first time since Christmas he’d brought the subject up. “Put me down,” she said seriously.

Kid had felt her tense and pulled back. He saw the hurt in her eyes by his comment. “I didn’t mean nothin’ by it, Lou.”

“I said put me down!”

Kid finally put her back on her feet gently. Lou immediately walked away from him, but Kid went after her.

“Don’t run from me again,” he said gently grabbing her arm and turned her towards him.

“I thought it didn’t matter to you,” she whispered trying to fight the tears that were forming.

“It doesn’t, Lou. Haven’t I proved that by now?” He tried to pull her into his arms but she pulled away.

“I need to go for a walk,” she said turning away from again.

“Don’t run away, Lou. Please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Lou shrugged and walked away, half expecting Kid to follow her.

Kid sighed knowing she just needed time to herself. Had he known his comment would’ve upset her so much, he wouldn’t have said anything. The last few days, she’d been in such a playful mood, he honestly didn’t think anything of it. He should’ve known better.

Four hours later, Kid was still worried about Lou. In the past, even during their worst fights she’d only be gone for an hour or two. He went to check on the horses and two hours later, Lou was still missing.

“Buck,” he called out to his friend, who had been more than willing to come back as an equal partner. “I’m headin’ to Rachel and Teresa’s. Lou should’ve been back long before now and I’m startin’ to get worried.”

“No problem, Kid. From what you told me earlier, she seemed pretty mad at you so she probably went over to one of their houses to cool down.”

Kid nodded. “I hope you’re right, Buck. But if she comes back tell her to stay put will ya?”

Buck nodded and Kid went into the house to get something. He had a strange feeling, and if he was right, he knew he’d need it.

Taking the main paths to Rachel and Teresa’s, his heart broke a little more when neither woman had seen her. Instead of taking the road back from town, Kid took the short path through the woods. He was almost home when he heard the soft whimpering.

“Lou?” he called out and waited for a response. When there was none, he kept calling her name while listening for the whimpers. “Lou?”

“Kid?” he heard weakly. The scream that followed tore at his heart as he rushed to find her. His heart stopped as he found her lying against a fallen tree. The same tree he’d found her at before.

“Oh God, Lou,” he cried. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“My water broke, Kid and I’m scared.”

“I know you are, honey,” he said sitting down next to her.

“Kid, this is the same place…”

He nodded. “I know, but this time it’ll be alright. This baby was due anytime now, we both knew that.”

She nodded. “But what if something goes wrong this time?”

Kid heard the fear in her voice. “Do you think you can make it back to the ranch?” He knew she’d be more comfortable there.

“I don’t…” She groaned as another contraction hit. “They’re too close together. We’ll never make it.”

“Guess I don’t have time to get help, do I?”

Lou shook her head, but felt faint from the deep breaths she’d been taking.

Kid worried as he saw Lou’s reaction. “Guess I’ll have to do this myself,” he said smiling.

“NO!” she ordered.

Kid chuckled. “Lou, it ain’t like I haven’t seen you down there before,” he joked. “And I’m sure it’s no different than birthin’ a foal.”

“This… is… not… a HORSE!” she yelled, each word getting louder as another contraction took over. When it was over, she continued weakly. “We’ll just have to make it to the ranch. Or Rachel’s should be just through those trees. Get me there.”

Kid shook his head. “Lou, we’re lost in the woods nowhere near Rachel’s. You got lost again, and I don’t think this little one’s gonna make it until we get somewhere.”

“But, Kid,” she pleaded as he moved away from her.

“You’ve been around enough births so you’re gonna have to help me here.” He gently spread her legs apart as he lifted her skirt and pulled off her soaked bloomers. He saw the fear in her eyes before he examined her. “And I have to tell you, I ain’t seen a horse look this good,” he smiled.

Lou clamped her legs shut. “If you ever want to see that area again, you’ll shut up and stop comparing me to a horse!” She hissed.

Kid chuckled. “That’s my Louise,” he smiled. “What do I do now?” He asked lost.

“Get Rachel!” Lou hollered through another contraction.

“Keep yellin’ like that, and she just might hear you.” He looked back down and his face went white as he saw a head full of dark hair. “Lou, how long have you been in labor?” He questioned with concern.

“I think most of the day,” she admitted quietly. “I never made it to town, for some reason I was drawn back to this spot.”

Kid nodded. I should’ve known she’d tried to be stubborn and try to do this herself, he thought. Will she ever learn to lean on me again?

“Okay darling, you’re gonna have to tell me what to do. I can see the head.”

“I’m too scared,” she admitted.

“I know, and I am too, but our son or daughter is about to make an entrance and I’m clueless here.” He looked at her one last time and smiled. “And I don’t think you want me doin’ this like you were a horse.”

Lou took a deep breath and started to tell him what to do. After what felt like an eternity, she couldn’t continue anymore.

“Come on, baby. You’re almost there. Just another push or two.”

“I can’t,” she whispered hoarsely. “I can’t do it anymore.”

“Yes you can, Lou. You’ve never been a quitter don’t quit on me now. Don’t quit on our child.”

Lou heard the love in his voice and nodded weakly. Twenty minutes later, she fell back exhausted as the sound of cries filled the woods.

“It’s a girl, Lou. We have a daughter,” he beamed. Lou just nodded and she started to doze off. “Come on honey, wake up and take a look.” When she didn’t respond he grew worried. “Lou?”

“I’m here, Kid. Just tired,” she said as she finally got a look at her daughter. She gasped loudly. “Her eyes…”

Kid nodded and smiled. “As blue as mine,” he said proudly.

Something in his voice made Lou curious. “You knew?”

Kid slowly nodded and after handing his daughter to her, reached into his back pocket. He pulled out the envelope he’d hidden since Christmas. “This is for you, Lou.”

Lou held her daughter, thanking God that not only was she healthy, but there was no mistaking who her father was. As her tiny daughter started fidgeting, Lou unbuttoned her blouse and immediately her daughter latched on. She chuckled. “Never saw that happen so fast,” she said awe. “Normally they need some coaxing.”

“Well she knows what she wants, and like her father, gets it every time.”

Lou smiled and took the envelope. She pulled out the paper it contained and gasped as she recognized Jimmy’s handwriting.

My dearly beloved if I am to die today and never see the sweet face of you I want you to know that I am no great man and am lucky to have such a woman as you. [¹]

If Kid should find this letter before you, I pray he’ll forgive us both someday and I ask that he keep it from you until your love for each other is proven beyond anything you’ve ever known. I love you both and pray you’ll never forget me, as I’ll never forget you.

Lou was suddenly flooded with the memories of that night that she hadn’t been able to remember before. She remembered Jimmy over her and her calling out Kid’s name as he entered her, but before she couldn’t remember anything after. Now she remembered Jimmy suddenly beside her comforting her as tears flowed down her face. He’d just held her apologizing until she cried herself to asleep.

She looked at Kid with fire in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded angrily.

“He asked me not to,” was his reply. “But even before that letter, I knew deep in my heart she was mine. And he’s right. No matter what will ever happen, you will always own me in heart, body and mind.”

“You knew this whole time while I’ve been so scared at what you would do if she wasn’t yours.”

Kid shrugged. “It might not make any sense, but I wanted to prove to you that it didn’t matter to me, Lou. That whoever gave our daughter life, it didn’t change the fact that I would love both her and her mother until the moment I took my last breath.”

In some weird way, his explanation did make sense. Her daughter pulled free from her breast and began crying again. “You know, we were so sure it was a boy this time, we don’t have any girl names picked out.”

“What about Jamie? Jamie Allyousious McCloud?” he asked, liking they way it sounded.

Lou nodded and looked at down to see Jamie’s eyes start to droop. “We probably should get her home,” Lou said wondering how that was going to happen.

Kid nodded, and Lou suddenly felt as if she were floating as he lifted her and their daughter in his arms.

“Put us down!” she insisted. “This is ridiculous.”

Kid smiled as she repeated her words from before their fight and shook his head.

“I mean it, Kid. Let me go!” she protested.

Kid kissed her forehead and smiled. “Never again,” he said as he began to carry his family home.

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