"I've got a run for you Lou." Teaspoon said stepping into the bunkhouse. "I've got some papers that need to be signed by the sheriff over in Big Rock. If you leave now you should be back by dark." "Sure Teaspoon." Lou said glancing uneasily at the other two occupants of the room. She could almost see the strain it put on Kid not to say something, but true to his word he was trying not to smother her with his concern. "You sure Teaspoon?" Jimmy glanced up from where he sat cleaning his guns. "Last I heard the sheriff in Big Rock's kinda temperamental. Lou's just as likely to wind up in jail as she is to get his signature. Maybe Kid or I should go with her." "Look Jimmy I can handle this." Lou snapped, bristling at the other man's judgement. A glance at Kid revealed a mixture of relief and anger on his face. "If I couldn't I'd say so." "Look Lou I'm not saying you can't handle it.." Jimmy started. "I've got to get my horse ready." Lou snarled and slammed out of the bunkhouse leaving Teaspoon, Kid, and Jimmy stunned. Hiding his grin Teaspoon adjusted his bowler and glanced at the two men, "Well I'll leave you to your chores boys. Rachel's expecting me to drive her into town." Turning he opened the door and stepped out as Lou exited the barn with her horse. Watching the young woman he frowned, Kid hadn't voiced a single concern, not that he didn't have any but maybe with the distance between those two he felt he didn't have the right. Shaking his head, Teaspoon headed over to where Rachel sat in the buckboard waiting on him. "Well?" "Lou'll take the run. Don't think Kid or Jimmy's impressed. Kid was near grinding his teeth out, Jimmy even made a comment about it but what can I do? Lou's proven herself time and again, don't see why she can't do this." "I'm surprised Kid didn't say anything." Rachel smiled, she knew those two were still very much in love although neither was overly eager to talk about it. "I think he wanted to, but maybe decided that he values her friendship too much to push her even further away." Teaspoon drawled as the team moved out at a jog. "Perhaps." Rachel sighed. "Or maybe he loves her enough to know she knows he's concerned, he doesn't need to point it out to everyone." Teaspoon shrugged. "Could be." "Why did you do that?" Kid demanded angrily as he faced Jimmy who was calmly reloading his gun. "Lou can handle herself, you didn't have to show doubt especially in front of Teaspoon." "I don't think she should go alone. Baker isn't a very pleasant person, he's just as likely to throw Lou in jail as he is to sign those papers." Jimmy replied crossly. "What are you all so fired up about anyway? It ain't like you weren't thinking it." "What I was thinking and what I would've said is not the issue." Kid snarled snagging his hat off his bed post. "You still had no right to question her ability. You might as well have said she couldn't do it." Feeling the pick of anger Jimmy glanced up at still fuming Kid and shook his head. "Leave it." "No. You should apologize to Lou." "Don't tell me what to do Kid!" Jimmy snapped slamming his gun on the table as he rose. Like it was in slow motion he heard the familiar boom of a colt at the same time as he saw the spreading crimson flood down the side of Kid's face as he crumpled to the floor to lay motionless in a spreading pool of blood. "KID!" Jimmy screamed as he dived to where his friend lay so still. Tucking his hand under Kid's head he came away with a soaked hand and felt the fury fade to be replaced by fear. "Come on Kid, don't ya dare die on me." Jimmy cursed as he grabbed for a sheet and piled it under Kid's head. Jimmy didn't hear the door open or see the figures standing in the doorway, if he had've he'd have probably ran the other direction. Buck stared at Kid's prone body and the spreading pool of blood with a horrified look, Cody looked as white as a ghost and ready to pass out. "Kid?" Lou's voice dragged Jimmy's awareness from where Kid lay and he glanced at the door as Buck caught Lou two steps away from the door. Staring at her face Jimmy knew she couldn't really see what had happened. "What's wrong?" Lou demanded as Buck grabbed her. She couldn't see past Cody but something told her that she didn't really want to know what had happened. "I didn't mean it." Jimmy whispered shaken. "Somebody go get Doc Harper." He pleaded staying with Kid as Cody dived past Buck and Lou as Noah and Ike walked up onto the porch. "What's going on?" Noah asked as Lou managed to get past Buck only to freeze at the sight that greeted her on the bunkhouse floor. "No!" Lou screamed kneeling next to the Kid uncaring that she knelt in a spreading pool of blood, her hands shaking as she traced over his features with a near desperate haste. "Kid? Come on talk to me." She kept whispering ignoring the boys until Buck took a hold of her arms. "No, let go of me!" "What happened?" Teaspoon demanded pushing past Ike to freeze at the sight that greeted him. "Dear God in heaven." "Doc's here." Noah said as he moved aside to let the doctor into the room. "Afternoon Marshall." Doc Harper said with a glance at the man who wore a star for their town. "Everyone clear out." "No." Lou sobbed. "Please, let me stay.." "Everyone." Doc ordered. "Get her out of here." Teaspoon whispered to Buck and stepped out of the way as he practically dragged Lou out of the way so the doctor could take a look at Kid. Turning to an ashen faced Jimmy who hadn't moved more than an inch since he'd walked into the room Teaspoon raised an eyebrow. "You want to explain what happened?" "I didn't mean it Teaspoon." Jimmy whispered. "We were discussing my comment about Lou taking this run and I slammed my gun on the table without realizing that I'd left it cocked. It went off. I swear Teaspoon, I didn't mean it. I would never have shot Kid." "I know son." Teaspoon patted him on the shoulder. "Look we'll just find out what the doctor has to say first then we'll deal with it. I'll go talk to Lou." "She's gonna be awful mad Teaspoon." Jimmy muttered. "I'd say its justified, wouldn't you?" Cody snapped as he stepped out the door followed by the others. Glancing around they didn't see Lou or Buck, but the buckboard sat in front of the house, "I guess Rachel's watching over her." "Guess so." Noah said as Teaspoon walked across the yard and into the house. Stepping into the house Teaspoon glanced at Buck who nodded to the kitchen and shook his head. "Don't go in there." He whispered. "She's madder than a wet hen." "I would be to. I don't think it was intentional though. Jimmy and Kid use their fists, not their guns to settle disagreements." Teaspoon murmured as he glanced at Rachel who came into the doorway. "Well?" "I've got her tied to the chair. She keeps saying she's gonna kill him." Rachel shrugged quickly. "I hope to hell he pulls through, otherwise Jimmy'll be a dead man." "Don't you go worrying about him, I'll talk to her." Teaspoon patted Rachel on the shoulder and headed for the kitchen. Stepping into the room he sat down next to where Lou sat in a chair her arms tied to the arms of the chair. "Well Lou, how you feeling?" "I'm gonna kill him." Lou snapped ignoring the tears streaming down her face. "Why'd he shoot him? He didn't have to, how could he do it Teaspoon? I thought he was his friend." "He didn't mean to Louise." Teaspoon spoke softly, calmly, "I think things just got a little heated between them and Jimmy's temper being what it is he didn't think to put his gun down peaceful like. Jimmy regrets what happened Lou." "Sure he does." Lou sobbed. "As much as a rattlesnake regrets poisoning its prey. I hate him, I wish he'd just ride out and never come back." "Lou you don't mean that." Teaspoon said. "Jimmy's your friend.." "Not anymore." Lou snapped as she struggled with the ropes that bound her to the chair. "I hate him!" Sighing Teaspoon rose. "I'm gonna go check on the boys, as soon as there's word I'll let you know." Lou turned away from him to stare at the wall angrily. Listening to his footsteps retreating she let the tears fall unchecked, the fear of losing Kid clutching at her chest. She wondered briefly why she hadn't told him she still loved him, after all she knew how he felt about her. It was obvious in everything he did for her from offering a shoulder to cry on to accepting her completely especially when he knew the truth about her past. "He'll do what he can." Rachel whispered as she sat next to Lou. Giving the other woman a cold glare Lou turned back to stare at the wall, ignoring her as she rose to start work on the evening meal. As though from a distance, Lou listened to the soft sounds of pots and pans banging together along with the clatter of utensils, dishes and the coffee pot being moved around, her whole body numb, except for the sharp pain in her chest at the thought of losing Kid. "Well Doc?" Buck glanced at Jimmy as the aging doctor exited the bunkhouse followed by Jimmy. "It just grazed his skull. He'll be out of it for a while, I doubt if he'll be awake for another three maybe even four days. An inch further over would have killed him." "He'll be ok won't he?" Jimmy demanded. "Hard to say. Some folks bounce back with a wound like his, others well." Pausing the doctor shook his head. "He could lose his sight, his memory, his ability to control his motor functions." "What do you mean?" "I mean if he loses control over his motor functions, he won't be riding, he won't be doing much walking, his hands will shake constantly, in effect he'll be reduced to the same abilities of a child. Only time will tell." Doc Harper declared and headed over to his buggy. A moment later he'd disappeared around the corner headed back toward town. "Well that's good news at least." Jimmy whispered. "Yeah. But he wouldn't be in this condition if you'd learn to control your temper." Cody snapped. "I didn't mean it. You think I'd shoot him?" Jimmy snarled angrily. "If you think that you obviously don't know me." "Enough out of all of you. Lou's got to be told and I think Jimmy should do it." Buck smiled evilly. "Course we don't really expect you back out here Jimmy." Jimmy shook his head, "I can't." He whispered and turned to hurry away toward the barn. Stepping into the cool, shadowy interior of the barn Jimmy headed for where his horse stood tied to the wall. Patting the sleek neck of the palomino he rested his forehead on the animal's shoulder and swallowed back the tears. Pushing past the pain and guilt Jimmy saddled the mare and walked toward the door. With a shove he opened the doors a couple of inches and stared at the others who were gathered on the front steps of the main house. Swearing softly he turned and headed out the back door, leading the pale horse behind him, as soon as he was clear of the barn he mounted up and nudged the mare into a slow walk until he was a few hundred yards away from the buildings before kicking the mare into a gallop. A thin trail of dust kicked up behind the mare as he galloped away from the familiar to the unfamiliar. Allowing the mare to pick the trail he suddenly realized that he was headed toward the small town of Leadsville, a place renowned for its lack of law and order. Pushing his mount even as the shadows grew long on the ground and the first stars twinkled in the dusky sky. Finally easing up on the horse he dismounted and gasped at the pain in his chest, closing his eyes he kept seeing the spreading wave of red that flowed down Kid's face, soaking his shirt and staining the floor of the bunkhouse. "Damn it." Jimmy swore as he dusted his hands on his pants and bumped into the guns strapped down. "Why didn't I think?" He wiped at the tears on his face and started walking leading the palomino quickly in the darkness that swirled around him. After what seemed like hours to him he stopped and turned to the now exhausted horse, patting her gently he removed the saddle and other gear before curling into a ball on the hard ground, his mind devoured by the images of Kid sinking to the floor covered in blood from a bullet from his gun. Dawn's early glow woke him after a restless night and he saddled up again and turned east, he knew where an old friend lived that would put him up for a few days while he decided where to go. Racing across the hard ground he pulled up mid afternoon and stared at the weathered buildings below him. Nudging the tired horse forward he rode silently into town and pulled up in front of the local saloon. "Well hell Hickok, never thought I'd see you here again." The dry voice had him glancing at it's owner. "Never thought I'd come back Caroline." He replied softly and stepped onto the boardwalk. "You open for business?" "Naw, but I'll make an acception for you James." Smiling softly the pretty red haired woman shrugged. "For old times sake." "Sure wish things were like those days." Jimmy said following the young woman inside. "The days were filled with hard work, the nights.." Biting off the words he met the woman's grey eyes and shrugged. "It's too late for wishing." "What happened?" Caroline asked softly. "Thought you'd had enough of working for someone else that only wanted a gun hand." "Joined the express." Jimmy gladly accepted the whiskey and downed it in one gulp before reaching for the bottle. Pouring himself another he stared at the amber brew with a bitter frown on his face as he remembered everything they'd been through. "Now I deliver the mail." "Sounds like honest work." "It is." Jimmy took another gulp of the liquid that burned all the way down and sighed, reaching out he took a long pull on the bottle before setting it down with a thump and glancing at the woman who waited for him to speak. "You got some work I can do for a couple of days? Got some thinking I need to do." "Sure. There's always work to be done around here and I can always use the extra hands. Course its bar work, I don't run the ranch anymore." "Bar works fine." Jimmy said as he swirled the bottle around and stared at the amber liquid. "Anything'll do." With a half hearted shrug, Caroline rose. "I've got to get ready for tonight. We're opening in ten minutes." "I'll be ready. Where can I go splash some water on my face?" "Have a bath, I'll have Moody lay out a change of clothes for you." Caroline replied as she swirled away, "I'll see you back down here in half an hour." "Yes ma'am." Jimmy watched her walk away and silently cursed fate again. He should have known that his life was going to be on the fast track to hell the day he'd walked out on her. He'd been young and idealistic back then, hardly more than a boy when he'd met Caroline but he'd fallen in love with her and within a few weeks they were involved pretty passionately. Then the day he was set to marry her, the judge had intervened and he'd ridden out giving up on the possibility of having a home, a family of his own. Shaking his head Jimmy took another pull on the whiskey before he rose and headed up the stairs to the room he'd used when he'd been here last. Regrets colored his past, from the time he was a small boy to now and he knew they didn't change things, didn't ease the pain of memories, they only poisoned him further. With a final glance at his reflection, Jimmy tugged his hat down over his eyes and stepped out of the bedroom to head downstairs to where he could hear the loud thunder of the piano playing. Losing himself in the card games, saloon girls and never ending flow of whiskey Jimmy pushed aside his guilt and anguish over what he'd done for a few minutes. Dawn was starting to peak over the horizon when Carline locked the doors and smiled tiredly at Jimmy. "Looks like it was a good night." "Yeah, no one got killed and we made a few dollars." Jimmy declared easily sinking into a chair a moment before he reached for another bottle. "Hiding in that bottle ain't going to help matters. You've been sullen and unhappy all night, what's on your mind gunslinger?" Caroline demanded. "I shot someone." Jimmy whispered closing his eyes to see the shock in Kid's eyes and the spreading pool of crimson he'd landed in. Remember Lou's heartbroken sobs sent shivers of agony over his body. "Someone important?" "Yeah." Jimmy glanced behind her at the bar and watched Caroline's bouncer friend as he cleaned the heavy wooden bar with a clothe, a bored look on his face. "A brother, a friend. Someone who never in his life would have shot me." "I'm sure you didn't mean it." "I shot him, and in doing so destroyed the only woman I've ever wanted to be happy the way we were." "I'm sure she'll forgive you." Caroline said ignoring the mention of their own sordid past. "No. No they won't. I killed any hope of a future with them when I shot him." Jimmy shook off the images in his mind. "Its best if I don't focus on it anymore. I appreciate the work, but I won't be staying forever." Rising he headed up the stairs uncaring of the way he was watched as he moved, dragging his feet, a defeated cast to his shoulders. Staring after him Caroline shuddered, it looked like things hadn't changed really for James. He was still haunted by things he really had no choice about. Briefly she wondered when he'd figure out that fate had it's own idea of what he was supposed to do, supposed to be and fighting it would only be painful. "Boss?" "Yes Charlie." Caroline turned to the big man who was her bouncer, bodyguard and all round friend. "I see Hickok's back and looking as black as that suit of his. Something I can help him with?" "Naw. He's got to help himself." Caroline said. "He made a mistake and now he's got to come to terms with it. Unless of course you know someway of making mistakes go away.." "No ma'am." Charlie smiled at the pretty girl. When she'd given him this job he'd been grateful, not many would hire a man of mixed breeding, and those that did didn't pay very well but the woman before him paid good, fed good, and gave him his own place to live. "Mistakes are what you learn from, can't help with that." "Give it a couple of days. You never know he might want to talk a little more about it." Caroline suggested and ushered the man toward the bar. "Have you eaten yet?" "No ma'am." "Well then lets have breakfast together then I'm off to bed. It's going to be busy tonight." Laughing softly Charlie followed Caroline away from the mention of James Butler Hickok, a young man of many shadows. Sitting on the barrel by the door Cody stared at the yard and shuddered as he spotted Lou moving around. "She get over being mad yet?" He whispered to Buck who'd joined him on the steps. "No. If she ain't hollering at us she's cursing Jimmy out." "Kid woke up this morning, didn't seem to remember anything." Noah said from where he sat whittling. "She spent the morning with him and I think it made her even madder." "Jimmy didn't mean to shoot him." Buck said watching Lou feeding the horses. "Accidents happen.." "We know that." Cody interrupted. "I just wish she'd figure that out before she kills us." "LOUISE!" Rachel's holler had the boys cringing as Lou turned and headed for the house expecting the door to slam near off its hinges. Relaxing slightly when the door closed quietly they glanced at each other then over at the house when Rachel walked out and headed for them. "Rachel." Cody nodded briefly his gaze still fixed on the house. "How's the Kid?" "Awake." Rachel said. "Still pretty confused, but he seems to remember bits and peices of things. He knows Lou that's for sure. Kept asking for her." "Could be cause she sat with him this morning." Buck suggested. "No, he seemed to know who he was talking about. They're talking about things now over there." "I hope to God it takes a while or else I'm leaving." Noah said. "She's as pleasant as a toothache." "It's going to get worse before it gets better." Buck said. "Any word on where Jimmy disappeared to?" "No. Ain't heard nothing." Rachel sighed. "And I don't think we ever will. I think he's gone." "I hope not. They need to sit down and talk it over." Buck said sadly. "Otherwise they're going to be shadowed by the doubt for the rest of their lives." "Perhaps." Rachel said. "Dinner'll be a while yet." "Awe Rachel, why are you tormenting us like this?" Cody groaned as he watched the pretty housekeeper. "I'm starved." "You just ate not more than an hour ago!" Rachel protested half heartedly before glancing behind her at the silent house and turning back to the boys. "Chores got to be done before I start cooking around here." "Yes ma'am." Cody mumbled rising and shuffling off toward the barn. "Lou it ain't your fault he's gone." Kid said shifting so he was leaning back against the pillows as Lou fussed over him. "If I hadn't blown up at him, he wouldn't have ran off." Lou replied quickly, a frown marring her face. "How can you be so sure? This is Jimmy we're talking about. He tries to outrun his ghosts, not face 'em." Kid groaned as Lou checked the bandage on his head for the fifth time since entering the room. He knew it was because she loved him, hell she'd spent all morning telling him about it but still, every time she touched the wound it hurt. "I just reacted Kid, I wasn't even thinking about it. All I saw was you lying there and it was like everything fell into place for me, I was watching my last chance slip away. Next thing I know everyone's telling me Jimmy's gone and I can't remember why. I know it's cause I said something to him, the boys have only been too helpful in telling me I was really mean to him. God Kid how could I do that to him?" "Lou you didn't mean it." Kid replied flinching when she sank onto the edge of the bed. The wound in his head still hurt, and he wasn't sure of much except that there had been one constant the past few days, Lou's voice in his ear as he lay struggling to get out of the darkness that lay over his body. "I know Kid, but until I see him I'm stuck wondering what's happening to him. Jimmy never was one to just back off from a fight, especially when he's trying to outrun a ghost." "Louise." With a soft sigh Kid captured her hand in his. "There's only one place in this world that Jimmy would go. We just need to find him." "But he's not going to go to Sam and Emma's." "Yes he will. Give him time, sooner or later he'll turn up and if he don't then I'll go look for him soon." "Kid you're hardly able to stand much less ride. What makes you think you can go find him?' "Because you'll nag me to death if I don't." Kid smiled. "Now fill me in on what's been going on around here cause frankly I don't have a clue." "Well let's see." Lou started as Kid settled back against the pillows, despite having just awakened, he looked tired. The white of the bandage, stark against his tan and the paler in his face was worsened by the dark circles under his eyes, and the mottled bruise from the way he'd hit the floor across his face only made him look worse. The pianist sat at the bar watching Jimmy uneasily, they'd been sitting here for the better part of three hours staring into the bottle before them and Jimmy wasn't looking any more chipper than when he'd come down earlier in the evening. "Uh Mister Hickock I've got to get ready for work." The man rose swiftly and smiled at the gunslinger that glanced at him emotionlessly and shrugged. "Sure." Jimmy said and turned away from the man who made more noise than music. He'd been here nearly a month already and so far he'd made nearly a thousand dollars at the gaming tables but he hadn't gained any piece of mind. Tugging at his tie he glanced up as Caroline walked toward him and smiled, like the business woman she was she paid her girls to entertain the men while she tended to the bar, the other help and keeping the whiskey flowing. "Hey there tall, brooding and dangerous." Caroline's easy smile drew a grin from him. It would be so easy to fall back into habit and accept the invitation she'd extended him but he didn't want to crawl into her bed, hell all he wanted was to go home. "Hi boss." "Well tonight seems a bit slower than usual." Caroline said glancing around and then up as a loud boom of thunder jolted the building. "Probably want to stay out of the rain." "I think so." Jimmy declared looking about at the men who were sitting around. These were the usual customers, the men that made the saloon their second home. Men who paid dearly for the whiskey and the girls, and who knew the rules better than most of the girls did. Spotting movement by the door he tensed then relaxed as he realized the man who'd entered hadn't seen him. He'd spotted the odd express rider in town; hell the station was only about five minutes north of here but still, when one of 'em came in he knew there was trouble. This particular man was trouble; he'd already gotten thrown out a week before for getting into trouble with one of the girls. "Billy." Jimmy nodded at the thin rider that swaggered toward the bar. "Keep an eye on him." "Yes sir." "Whiskey." The young boy demanded leaning against the bar and glaring at the bartender, as though that would impress the man who'd spent more years tending bar then the boy'd been alive. When the drink was set before the youth Jimmy shook his head, looked like tonight the express was going to be hell on the saloon. "Jimmy? Everything okay?" Caroline asked an hour later, her eye on the young rider who'd gotten progressively worse as the drinks hit him. He'd gone to picking fights with some of the other men, and had even propositioned a couple of the girls to no avail. "He's just getting drunk." Jimmy said. "Considering the policy of the company he works for, I'd say he's not in a great concern to keep his job." "Jimmy remember no gunplay unless it's absolutely necessary." "I remember. I ain't gonna shoot him. Just sorta dump him outside if he don't watch it." "Okay, just remember you're the only one here who's on tonight, Charlie's off sick." "I'll remember." Jimmy said as he moved toward the drunken youth. "If you can't behave, you'll have to leave." He informed the young man who turned to glare at him drunkenly. "Don't tell me what to do." The man slurred swaying dangerously on his feet. "You ain't my boss." "Damn right I'm not. Drinkin' when you're riding for the express'll get you fired. If I was your boss, you'd be out of a job right now." "Well you ain't my boss." The man said reaching for his gun only to crumple to the floor when Jimmy hit him square in the face. "I'll take him back out to the station." Jimmy said. "I'll be right back." "Sure." Caroline said as the noise of the busy saloon faded to silence. Damn, Jimmy was getting meaner and meaner these days. She'd hoped he'd relax enough to reveal what his problem was but it looked like Jimmy'd withdrawn further into himself lately. She'd have to talk to him come morning Caroline decided as her bouncer disappeared out into the rain, his mood as dark as the clothes he wore. Smiling at one of the regulars who walked past her she shivered as a gust of wind blew in through the open doors, Jimmy'd made some money here, but now would he stay or just drift like she figured the voice in him called upon him to do. "Something wrong?" Billy asked as he watched her staring at the door. "Not yet." Caroline smiled and turned to him. "Maybe it's just an old woman's fears. Give me a drink Billy, I need it." "Yes ma'am." Pouring the strong coffee, Billy added a dollop of whiskey and handed her the cup to sip from. She was one of the best women he'd ever worked for, and he'd worked for a number of them. She was genuine and she cared about her staff. Including that sullen Hickok. Dropping the young man off at the station Jimmy turned and headed back through the rain to the saloon. He couldn't keep this up; he couldn't keep acting like he was okay. He longed to be able to go home but doubt, and fear kept him here. Guilt told him to move on, further away from the images that had taken hold of his dreams, the way Kid laid so still as he bled in the bunkhouse, the heartbroken sobs of Lou as she realized just what had happened. Stepping into the shadows before the doors of the saloon Jimmy glanced behind him, home lay out there somewhere but he doubts if he could do it, he doubted if he could go back. Clinching his hands into fists he closed his eyes and shook his head, a part of him wanted death, a part of him wanted the guilt, and agony to end so badly that he welcomed death and yet a part of him kept him going, kept him hoping that he could earn the forgiveness of those whom he'd wronged. Pushing aside his thoughts he stepped into the saloon and walked to the bar, a smile painted on his face as he glanced around at the still empty saloon. A glance at the clock told him that Caroline would be shutting the place down in a few hours, then he could climb the stairs to his sleeping hell again. Reaching for a cup of coffee Jimmy looked at the bottle sitting on the back of the counter, he would have a couple of drinks before he retired, maybe they'd help him ease his mind. Locking the door behind the last drunken man Caroline turned around at a laugh and stared at one of her girls and Jimmy sitting talking at the end of the bar. While she didn't forbid her staff mingling she felt saddened that he would turn to another woman, rather than her. Sighing she glanced at Billy who shook his head and shrugged. Jimmy's dark mood had gotten worse and nothing was going to snap him out of his misery. "Well I'm off to bed. 'Night boss." Jimmy said rising and grabbing the bottle of whiskey before heading up the stairs alone to his room. "Night." Caroline watched him walk away and sighed, this was the man she remembered from before he'd walked out on her. Torn between what his heart wanted and what was expected of him even if he expected something differently. Closing the door to his room, Jimmy set the bottle on the nightstand and slowly undressed in the dark. What did he need a light for, he knew where everything was and more importantly he was alone. Shivering at the cold thought Jimmy slid into bed, piling his pillows up behind his head and leaned back against the headboard. Turning his head he stared out the window at the bolt of lightening that tore through the sky, illuminating the room in a sickly white light. A clap of thunder had him tensing as the familiar sound echoed like a gunshot through him. Shaking his head Jimmy picked up the bottle and took a long swallow, letting the bitter taste warm him from the inside out. He hardly felt anything anymore other than pain and guilt but the whiskey helped ease those sensations. Closing his eyes, Jimmy sat silently as the storm raged around him, his only movement the lifting of the bottle until at last even it was empty before he slid down to lay on his pillow and close his eyes, hoping and praying for a dreamless sleep tonight. In slow motion Jimmy watched Kid falling to the floor, the blood flowing across the floor toward him until it washed up over his boots, lapping at his ankles. Kid's lifeless eyes stared at him accusingly. Turning to run he froze as he realized he was facing Lou who looked furious and hurt at the same time. "You killed him Jimmy." She said and shook her head as tears streamed down her face. "You killed him!" "I didn't mean it." Jimmy pleaded as he tried to outrun them. "It was an accident." "You killed me Jimmy. I thought we were friends?" Kid's voice joined in with Lou's as the room filled with horrifying laughter. Turning round and round, faster and faster Jimmy stared into his friends' faces, their angry laughing faces as they pointed at him and called him a murderer. Struggling to get away all he could feel was their hands pulling at his clothes, pulling at him as they tried to drag him toward the pool of blood. "No." Jimmy struggled. "I didn't mean it." "You never do." Kid sneered. "You never have. Just like you never take the blame for your own actions." "You killed him." Lou shouted angrily. "You killed him Jimmy and nothing's going to bring him back. I wish you were dead. I wish it were you laying there, murderer!" "No!" Jimmy sat up screaming his hands pushing at the restraints he felt as he shuddered and a sob escaped his control. "No!" "Jimmy, you okay?" Caroline's voice had him glancing at the open door where his boss, his friend stood with a lantern. "No, no I'm not." Jimmy whispered glancing around. Each time it got worse the images in his mind refused to quiet, refused to allow him to forget even with the hazy mist of the whiskey. "Oh God what did I do?" "Jimmy talk to me." Caroline said closing the door and walking over to sit next to him on the bed. "Tell me what's going on." "I can't shake the feeling that I killed my best friend." Jimmy whispered shakily as the thunder rolled and the lightening streaked across the sky. "You said it was an accident." "Kid and I were arguing. I voiced his thoughts and he resented it. I voiced doubts about Lou taking a run and I should've known better. Kid's been trying so hard not to say anything, I mean he still loves her and he finds it so hard to let her go out on a dangerous run. I knew it, I could see it Carrie, and I could feel it. And I opened my mouth and suddenly I realized that Kid and I were arguing. I'd finished cleaning my gun and loaded it, left it cocked like some tinhorn and slammed it down on the table. It went off, of course it would. I know that. Kid was hit in the head the rest is a blur. I don't even know if he's still alive. I can hope. I can pray but really I don't know anything about what I left behind and it's killing me." Jimmy spoke quickly; as though once he'd started he couldn't stop himself hardly pausing to grab a breath. "I want to go back but I can't. I'm scared, what if I did kill him. It'll kill Lou; hell she'll kill me. Not only that but what do I tell everyone if he is dead. I'm sorry I killed my best friend, but don't hate me? What did I do?" "Why is there so much tension between you and Kid?" Carrie asked, she'd noticed the way Jimmy spoke of the other man and she had a pretty good idea that at least on Jimmy's part there was more to it than just a friendship. "Because he's not just a friend, he's my brother." Jimmy whispered rising to pace to the window and stare out at the night's discontent. "And he's in love with the one woman I love." "Does she love you?" "No." Jimmy shook his head, recalling Lou's sobs when Kid got shot. "She loves him." "Than I think you've got a problem. I think you need to face this demon Jimmy. You can't keep running away from them." "I pray every night that Kid's okay, but deep inside of me I know he's not. Even if he's alive there'd be damage. I'm responsible for Kid now, I don't know if I can take that burden." "Can you handle not accepting it?" Caroline asked softly. "Can you handle not going back and finding out? You need answer and nothing is going to change if you don't get them." "That means going back." Jimmy whispered. "That means facing Lou and the boys, and the very real possibility of Kid's death. I don't know if I can do that." "You're the one that's got to make the choice." Caroline said wisely. "Just remember this, sooner or later you're going to run into one of them. Can you handle that? Can you face them if they have to find you?" "No. I can't face them at all." Jimmy sighed. "That's the problem." Staring at him Caroline sighed. "We both know you've hung up your guns Jimmy. It's a wise move for you. Now you can live life, even if you feel guilty about something. Just remember Jimmy if they're your friends you owe them an apology." Nodding Jimmy listened to her leave the room, the light fading until darkness fell again and felt the tear streak down his face. She was right he owed them an apology. Retribution. The only problem was he didn't want to face them. Turning his eyes fell on the gleam of the gun he'd hung up and he sighed, suddenly he knew exactly what he had to do. First thing tomorrow morning he'd do it, and then maybe some of the ghosts that haunted his dreams would fade away. Moving slowly Kid grimaced as Rachel waited impatiently for him. "I'm coming Rachel." He said, he felt a little shaky walking around since he'd managed to get out of bed a few weeks earlier. As the doctor had predicted there had been losses, he'd lost his hearing in one ear and while he could walk, he had a hard time doing it. The doctor said that would improve with the use of his legs, so he made an attempt to get out of bed in the morning and walk much to Lou's dismay. She insisted he stay in bed, he needed rest she kept saying and he just laughed at her. She'd spent more time walking around than anything lately; when she wasn't on a run she was helping him. "You don't have to wait for me Rachel." Kid said as he stepped off the last step and started for the bunkhouse. "I'll get there." "I know. Just don't seem right to leave you here and rush off to feed the boys." "Go." Kid grinned at her. "I'll be fine. Besides ain't like I'm gonna get run over or anything is it." "Alright." Rachel said hurrying toward the bunkhouse as the door opened and Lou stepped out. Groaning Kid watched her coming toward him with a stern look at Rachel who shrugged and kept right on going. "Hey beautiful." Kid smiled at her as she fell into step beside him. "When did you get in?" "Twenty minutes ago." Lou smiled. "Figured you were sleeping so I just got cleaned up and was going to eat before coming to see you." "Doc said I could move back into the bunkhouse." Kid said as they shuffled across the yard. "Course he also said it'll be another month before I can ride." "Is he insane. You should be resting as much as possible." "Lou." Kid started only to stop when she shook her head. "Men you're all insane." "I know, but you love me anyway." Kid teased. "You're damn right I do." Lou replied seriously. "Which is why you're going to sit down." She said as they got to the bunkhouse steps. "Don't know why you just couldn't wait for me to bring you dinner." "Cause I want to sit up to eat it." Kid replied calmly. "Not lying down waiting for someone to feed me Lou. Besides I miss being able to sit and talk to everyone." "You look like it." Lou said glancing at him. His hair had grown back out leaving only a slight scar on his forehead where the bullet had skimmed before entering his hair. She noticed that he had lost the hearing on that side and it bothered her no end that he refused to admit it. Sure he'd lost his hearing, didn't make him less of a man because of it. Besides he could still ride, when the doctor let him and he could still work. "Any word yet?" Kid asked softly. "No. Rachel figures he's gone for good." "I hope not." Kid sighed and glanced at the horizon. "I don't blame him, it was an accident. He should know that by now." "Its Jimmy we're talking about." Lou said and frowned. "Who the heck is that?" She pointed to a rider who was coming riding a mule. "I don't know. But it ain't an express rider." Turning Kid leaned back against the rough wood. "Teaspoon rider coming!" "Who is it?" "Don't know. Coming in on a mule." Kid said as the old man stepped outside and watched the rider approaching. "Evenin'." The man said dismounting easily despite his size. He was big, broad shoulders tapered into a slim waist and narrow hips. A leather thong held his dark hair back and the bronzed skin told of his Indian blood. "Name's Charlie." "I'm Teaspoon Hunter. What can I do for you?" "Boss wanted me to deliver this to Kid personally." Charlie pulled out a package. "Said it was important." "I'm the Kid." "Here you go then. Caroline was very insistent that I deliver it to you personally. Guess she figures it'll help with the ghosts." Charlie said as Kid tore into the package and gasped. "These are Jimmy's guns." "Yes sir." Charlie nodded. "He don't need 'em." "He's dead?" "Not yet, course that ain't saying much. The boss'll have his hide if he don't quit waking her up in the middle of the night." Charlie smiled. "Sides what does a bouncer need a gun for? He doesn't shoot the drunks, just tosses 'em out." "Where exactly is Jimmy?" Teaspoon asked softly staring at the guns. "Well he was at Caroline's place but I doubt if he's gonna stay there. Got wanderlust worse than anyone I've ever seen." "How do we get there?" Lou said rising quickly. "Caroline said it's best if you let him come to you." Charlie said. "I can tell you how to get there, but she figures he's coming back here." "Why?" "Cause he can't keep going on no sleep and whiskey." Charlie replied. "Sooner or later his bad mood's gonna get him in hot water and then he'll be out of a place to live, work, and he'll come back. Just a matter of time." "Would you take a message back for me?" Kid asked rising slowly, his body still felt like there was a weight on it but at least he was out of bed. "Sure." Charlie said. "I'm leaving first thing. Mind if I crash in the barn?" "Might want to come inside though, plenty of room." Teaspoon said noting the look on the man's face. "You ain't the first Indian to grace us here. Buck lives with us don't see anything special about you." "Thank you." "You'll have to fill us in on what Jimmy's been up to since he left us." "Of course." Charlie nodded. "I'll just see to my mule." "I'll set another place setting. Lou would you help Kid inside?" Rachel said as Lou wrapped an arm around Kid's waist and let him lean on her as he struggled up the stairs. Neither of them complained but she knew it bothered both of them that Kid wasn't back to one hundred percent just yet. Staring at the palomino he'd ridden in on, Jimmy listened to the loud music and lusty chuckles of the girls from behind him his mind a thousand miles away. He needed to get away from this place, from these people before he started to care what happened around here. He'd sworn when he was a boy he'd never hurt a family member, and yet he'd done worse than that, he'd killed a brother. With the talk going round of them shutting the express down, and the thought of Lou alone he couldn't stay in the territory. What if he ran into her? What would he say, what could he say to the one woman he'd never tried, never wanted to hurt above all others? "You look like you're thinking mighty hard there Hickok." Carrie's voice had him glancing over his shoulder at her. "In a sense I was." Jimmy declared and shrugged his shoulders uneasily. "I'm hanging it up Carrie." "Oh?" Carrie stared at him a quiet calm seemed to surround him and she wondered if he was going to go home. "Headed west, hear the railroad's hiring and figured to get on with an outfit." Jimmy declared. "Only thing is I don't want to take my horse." "Well she's a good mount, could get a nice price for her." Carrie said softly. "No, I've got another idea." He said and turned to face her squarely. "I want you to do me a favor." "Okay." Agreeing readily she waited for him to ask of her whatever he had to ask. "I'm leaving in the morning, not as James Butler Hickok, not as Wild Bill, but as Jimmy Butler. I'm leaving Hickok behind me." Jimmy said quietly, reaching up to snag the hat off his head and twist it in his hands. "There's a few things in my room, just to stop trouble from following me and from coming down on you, I want you to bury them. Place a real nice marker over the grave with my name and today's date on it. Nobody needs to know that I'm not dead, cause in a way I am." Jimmy glanced at the young woman and smiled slightly. "Trust me on this Carrie, I know what I'm talking 'bout. If I'm dead then the gunslingers and young bucks out there trying to make a name for themselves will focus on other things, more important things than my passing." "Jimmy I can't do it without voicing my concerns. What if they come back with Charlie? What if they want answers? What do I tell them?" "The truth." Jimmy replied. "That the man they knew is dead and buried." "You're making a mistake Jimmy." Carrie stated but nodded her agreement. "I'll have some of the boys dig a hole for you. I can't say I agree with what you're doing, but I can see where the sentiment's coming from. How you planning on getting out of town?" "Same way I got into Sweetwater." Jimmy replied seriously. "Walk." Stepping past Carrie he headed inside, he had nothing left to lose, what did it matter if he played a couple rounds of poker before he lit out. It wasn't like anyone would mind if he didn't come back! Not the man who'd killed his best friend. With dawn's early glow lighting the way, Jimmy set out for the railroad towns to the west. He wore a warm coat, nondescript trousers, a dark chambray shirt, and a battered old Stetson; in fact he looked like every other farmer that had come through town, only one with an extra dollar in his pocket. Before long he knew that the money would be gone, that he would sell everything he owned of any value to make enough to eat on before he found the work he wanted but was resigned to his fate. A murderer, after all, really couldn't be choosy on how he lived. Pausing as he topped the slight rise on the way out of town, he glanced back once noting that two of Carrie's boys were in the graveyard digging a hole. It was just like her to honor the request of an old friend, even one that didn't deserve the honor or the dignity of such actions. ***** Stepping off the freight train in some muddy hole in Colorado Territory Jimmy glanced up and down the street and sighed, the finer buildings in the town were marked clearly, saloons and brothels, the rundown shacks, hardly more than wind-breakers were the resident's homes. Half naked children ran about in the streets, women walked down the muddy road with baskets of goods, saloon girls leaned over the balconies of the saloons to tempt the men inside to purchase their wares. It was just another run down railroad town, one that was in desperate need of money and citizens proud enough to make it a place of respectability. Laughing at his thoughts Jimmy glanced down at his dirty clothes, the shirt was threadbare and stained black in spots from the hours he spent working with the railroad ties, his boots were old and in desperate need of repair or replacement as was most of his possessions. The only thing of value he had was a worn out newspaper clipping he'd taken from the paper in some small cow town a few months back, one that told of the death of Wild Bill Hickok, and the birth of the war. "Howdy." The gravely words had him glancing to his right to see another of the men who worked for the railroad. "You planning on staying long?" "Only long enough to get a bite to eat." Jimmy declared. "I'm heading down to South Pass, got a month's worth of work there." "Hear tell the army's looking for men, paying good money to. Better than the railroad's paying." The man said as they shuffled down the street toward the nearest saloon. "I'm heading over there tomorrow to sign up, fight for this country. Might as well do it, ain't like anyone's gonna have a whole lot of work to do once this war's in full swing anyway." "Never know." Jimmy replied softly glancing up the street to the stage and sighed, his heart leaping into his throat as he recognized the young couple getting down from the stage. Lou and Buck were here, along with Lou's siblings and another man Jimmy didn't recognize, maybe she'd found happiness after all. "What's a matter? You look as though you seen a ghost?" the man demanded glancing around. "No, I'm fine." Jimmy said hustling into the nearest saloon. He knew they wouldn't follow him inside, it wasn't approved for a lady to step inside, nor would they let an Indian inside either. Settling at the bar he ordered a drink and a plate of food and settled in to eat it. Lou glanced at her husband and smiled, Kid was doing so much better than anyone had anticipated. While he still had a limp, and he often favored his deaf side, there was little that marked him as disabled. Instead he worked tirelessly with Buck to get aide for the Kiowa tribe as well as the other Indians in the area. Stopping off in this dirty little town was only a momentary thing; they were getting back on the stage and there wasn't going to be a lengthy stay here. "Thankfully we're leaving in a few minutes." Kid breathed as he moved a little closer to his wife and glanced at Buck who was ignoring the hostile stares and quiet mutters from around them. "Buck you okay?' "Yeah, just can't help but feel as though we're being watched. Like someone didn't expect to see us here of all places." "Odd." Kid said with a glance at Louise who shrugged and shifted as the driver of the coach came around the corner and smiled at them. "Time to get back on folks." "Thank you." Louise said taking Kid's offer of help and climbing aboard, followed by her siblings, Buck and finally Kid. Standing in the shadows of the saloon, none of them saw the silent, pensive figure that watched until the stage was gone from sight or noticed the way his knuckles whitened with the grip he had on his hat. ***** Feeling the exhaustion that had plagued him for months tighten even further Jimmy glanced enviously at the other men as they scurried past him toward the payroll shack. He had nowhere to send money, nor any inclination to receive any. Instead he worked himself tirelessly to avoid having to deal with the resurgence of the nightmares that had for a short time abated. With the war in full swing and the railroad losing men to the fight, Jimmy wondered if they'd shut down at least temporarily seeing as how the men that were left to work were tired, old, and many wore out or too sick with whiskey fever to be of much use. "You sticking around?" the foreman of the current job glanced at the man who called himself Jim Butler and sighed. Looked only too familiar, in fact he'd seen him in Sweetwater a year before with the express a fact that he'd been shocked to discover when he saw the man. The one time he'd approached the man about it, his dark eyes had gone cold, and his tone became clipped and lethal as though he didn't want to be reminded of his past, something that he could understand. "Depends on whether the company's shutting down work on the line until after the war." "Yep. Ain't got the man power to keep building with the way every last mother's son is rushing off to git his head blown off." Nodding Jimmy shifted and eased himself away from the other man slowly before heading to collect his pay and start with the others to town. He'd long since made a vow never to touch whiskey again but every once in the odd while he'd go into town and sit in the saloon, play a couple hands of cards before slinking off to some dark, lonely corner to sleep in. Walking alone he had to admit he'd never felt so alone in his life, even when he'd joined the express as a cocky, gun happy youth he'd felt like he was still part of something, but now all he felt was alone, isolated and bone weary. Stepping into the saloon he glanced around and smiled, the saloon girls were plying the whiskey to the men, a worn piano sat in one corner belting out a tune that was drowned out for the most part by the men's laughter and the coy remarks and laughter of the girls. Moving to the bar he plunked himself down and ordered a sasparilla. "Any thing else Mister Butler?" The bartender asked putting the man's drink before him. He'd seen what happened when someone disturbed James Butler and he didn't want to be on the other end of the temper the man had. "What you got for grub?" "I'll tell Sandy to fix you up something." "Put it on my tab." Jimmy said sitting there staring into the swirling depths of the drink. With his mind wandering he remembered the old days, the days when he rode into Sweetwater as someone hollered rider coming! The thrill of riding for the express, the way his family had pulled together so many times to help each other out whether it had been catching the men that had stolen Katy just after they'd all first joined, rescuing Lou or Kid, or Ike, or the quiet times that they had come to treasure of sitting on the porch with a cup of strong coffee and watched the sun set. He could almost smell the sweet scents of Emma's flowers if he closed his eyes, hear Rachel yelling at the boys over something. Smiling slightly into his drink he had to admit that he missed it. He missed hearing Kid and Lou arguing over anything and everything. Thinking of the quiet southern boy Kid had been Jimmy felt his gut clench with remorse. Kid was the upright one, the one that you could depend on. He'd always been levelheaded, honest as the day was long, a good friend to have in a fight, and he'd loved Lou as much if not more than anyone ever could. He'd been too young to die, too young to have his best friend betray him like that. Cursing his own ready temper Jimmy shifted on the bar stood as a plate of refried beans and biscuits was set down before him. "Thanks." He mumbled and ate it in silence. If nothing else he should go back find out where Kid was buried, maybe then the nightmares would stop, maybe then he could find peace. Glancing at the door he watched the men come and go and sighed, he'd done a lot of things in his life but to hurt those he'd loved? To take the life of a brother was worse than anything he could ever imagine. He could remember Teaspoon and his lectures about controlling his temper, now as much as then he wished he'd listened to him. Wished that he could go back and change things but wishing didn't help anything and there wasn't anything to go back to. "Hey Butler, you gonna stare out the door all night or you want to play cards?" "Deal me in." Jimmy said rising and walking toward the table, thankful that he'd quit carrying his gun although he wished it had been for more of a logical reason. Playing cards late into the night, Jimmy finally threw his last hand in around one in the morning and rose to shuffle off to his room before collapsing on the bed. Rolling over he kicked his boots off and pulled the worn comforter over his shoulders to stare lifelessly at the wall, the faint echo of Lou's sobs and the booming of the gun in his hand filling his mind even as exhaustion claimed him and he slid into a desperate sleep. "I swear that boy's getting too big for his britches." Lou muttered as she glanced at her brother who was standing next to Lightening pouting about not being able to go to town with Kid and Lou. "Pardon?" Kid turned to her easily, a slight frown marring his face. "Miah, he's getting so upset over nothing." Lou repeated being careful to speak a little louder and move a little closer to her husband. "He's a boy." Kid smiled down at her. "He's bound to pout and sulk if he don't get his way, besides that he's a Scotsman, he has your temper." "Oh go on with you." Lou laughed at him. "He does not." Feeling the baby she carried beneath her heart quicken she smiled at her husband and grabbed his hand to press it to her abdomen. "Feel?" "She's going to be a kicker that one." Kid whispered as Buck trotted his aging mare up to them. "Hey Buck." Kid smiled at his friend and partner. "Kid, Lou. I see Jeremiah isn't in a good mood." "Naw, he's too busy being mad about not being able to go to town." Lou said. "Don't know why though, ain't like there's anything to do in town." "Yeah." Buck glanced at the couple, noting the shadows in their eyes; the haggard looks on their faces and knew they'd had a rough night. Despite Lou's best attempts to put the accident behind them, Kid often woke with nightmares. A surprising fact when one considered that they were about Jimmy's death, not his own shooting. Buck had long since accepted that the couple had forgiven Jimmy even if they didn't say anything. "We shouldn't be long." Kid declared. "You never are." Buck grinned, thinking how long it had taken Lou to get Kid to the alter after he'd healed enough to satisfy her. "I'll see you back here before dark then?" "Should be back by lunch, doubt if we'll be any later than that." "Well I don't envy you two having to go into town. A whole division of Union Soldier's is in town and anyone from the south is getting a hard time." "Maybe we should stay home then." Lou said a frown on her face as she glanced at Kid. She didn't want to lose him to a bunch of over eager young recruits looking to make a name for themselves. "I'll be on my best behavior." Kid promised noting the worried look in her eyes, "Besides it's not any different than any other time I've gone to town. Most folks don't take to me cause I'm from the south." "Kid I just don't want to lose you. What happens if the situation gets out of hand? That thing we call a local Marshall won't help out." "Lou, he's right. If you let the army push you around, you won't get any where." Buck said quietly. He was just as aware of why Lou didn't want Kid going into town, as anyone and while she had a point it was pointless to force the man to stay home just cause a few blue-belly's were in town. "If there's trouble I swear I'm going to make you sorry you were ever born." "Yes dear." Kid smiled at his wife as she hurried toward the house, he'd never have imagined she'd give in but he wasn't going to make too big a deal out of the victory he'd gotten, otherwise she'd be impossible to live with. "She's right." Buck said as Lou slammed the door. "Trouble's bound to happen." "I know." Kid glanced at his best friend. "But there isn't much we can do about it. We can't just stay here, there's horses to be fed, crops to be sold, money has to be brought in or we'll never survive the winter." "Money's is awful tight." "I'll leave my gun at home. If I'm not carrying one they can't say anything." Kid mused and glanced at Buck a silent agreement that both men acknowledged the humor in the statement. The army was an entity all its own, and would no doubt cause problems if they thought they could get away with it. Seeing Lou coming outside, Kid pasted a smile on his face as he waited for her to help her into the wagon. Settling on the bench beside her he smiled at her look and clucked to the team, sending them into a fast walk. Striding down the street in his customary uniform Jimmy glanced at the other men in town. This small farming town was littered with men from both sides of the war; many a family had a southern accent that drew bittersweet memories to his mind, and the longing for something he didn't believe he'd ever get. True forgiveness. "Well lookee at that." One of his cohorts whistled slightly and Jimmy glanced at him dispassionately before following his gaze to a young woman standing on the sidewalk, her shawl draped carelessly around her shoulders, her dark hair flowing past her shoulders as she stood talking to another young woman. Feeling a tinge of recognition, Jimmy brushed it off until she turned and he saw her. Despite not having seen her for a few months, he had no doubt as to whom she was. She'd changed from the last time he'd seen her, her hair had grown out and now tangled in the wind easily. A flowing skirt brushed the ground as she walked, and he remembered her smile from so many months, years before. Catching the sight of her grin, he swallowed a sigh as he heard several of his cohorts chortling about how pretty she was. He hated to hear such talk, hated it with a passion but he could do little to stop it. "I envy the man she married." One of them laughed and nudged another with his elbow as she turned and moved along the sidewalk to where a tall, rugged looking man stood eyeing a barrel of shovels. The conversation was familiar, easy and friendly a reminder of what Jimmy had lost. "Come on you fools. Probably he's bigger between the shoulder's than he is between the eyes." Jimmy muttered angrily. "Ha, you're just jealous cause I seen her first. Looks like she's in town with that other girl.." "Look if I were you, I'd think of something else to think on before you wind up six feet under." Jimmy snapped glancing at the other man. "You've already got yourself in trouble in one town, you want to go for another town?" "Look I ain't about to say nothing improper to her." The man glared at Jimmy. "No? Looks to me like talking ain't on your mind." Jimmy snarled and stepped past the other man headed across the street. He was damned if he'd let them bother Lou, he figured it would be safe enough to mention their interest to her husband. "Well as I live and breathe!" The familiar voice had him halting as he stepped onto the walkway. "Hi Lou." Jimmy smiled shakily at her, he didn't think she was still mad at him but with her one could never tell. "What are you doing in town?" Lou asked staring at him like she'd seen a ghost. Eying his uniform she sighed softly and shook her head. "What's with the uniform?" "I'm a scout." Jimmy replied. "I hung up my guns a long time ago." "Why? 'Fraid you might shoot someone?" Lou asked waspishly then cringed when he paled. "Something like that. I see you're expecting." He said gesturing to her belly. "Yeah its our first." "I." Sucking in a breath Jimmy shrugged. "I'm glad you were able to find happiness Lou, I really am." "I figure I deserved it." Lou replied staring at him as he fidgeted. "So you and your friends suddenly lose interest in making jokes about me? That why you came over here?" "Something like that. Figured if you were warned you'd be better prepared.." "Thank you." Lou said staring at him for a moment before relenting completely, he was a member of the family and she loved him just as much as Kid did. "You want to talk to.." "No that's okay." Jimmy interrupted, figuring he didn't want to meet her husband or see the man she'd chosen after he'd murdered his best friend. It was ironic, he'd longed for the chance to be with her, for Kid to be out of the picture but he'd never, never thought he'd be the one to kill the poor soul. "I'd better get along." "Why don't you come out for dinner tonight?" Lou smiled at him. "We'll be glad to have a familiar face around the dinner table." "Uh.." "Won't take no for an answer." She replied and glanced behind her to where Kid stood settling up their bill. "Six alright?" "I'll be gone before then." Jimmy whispered. "I uh guess I owe you an apology. If I hadn't been such an asshole, if I hadn't lost my temper. I just wanted you to know that. Just wanted you to know that I really am sorry about what I did. Regardless of the situation Kid loved you as much as you loved him, I guess in the heat of the moment I forgot that. Tell Buck I said hello Lou. Stay safe." "Still running? You have to face.." She started even as Jimmy turned to walk back the way he'd come. Long after he'd disappeared from sight, she stood watching for him to reappear. "Lou?" "Just saying goodbye to an old friend," Lou whispered and glanced at her husband. "Jimmy was here." "Where is he? I want to talk to him." "Gone. He's with the army. He said he's sorry for what happened, and he's glad that I found happiness." "He loves you," Kid whispered softly. "I know," Lou replied sadly. "But then Jimmy loves you to. And we both know that he's gonna run from the ghosts that haunt him rather than face them. Its just the way he is. In time he'll come around." "Patience," Kid muttered as Lou smiled at him softly. "Patience and faith will bring Jimmy home. I sure hope he knows I forgive him." "He will," Lou promised quickly. "He will." End Email Destardi HOME