Jimmy stood nervously in the corner of the doctor's office, his eyes flickering from the small woman seated on the examination table, her blue dress open slightly at the throat, towards the doctor examining her. Finally, Dr. Martin straightened. "Looks like a nasty rope burn, that's for sure. And some bad bruising, but you'll be all right. Put this salve on three times a day, it'll heal up in a week or two." He handed her a tube of ointment and she hoarsely answered, "Thanks, Doctor."
"Why does her voice sound like that?" Jimmy anxiously demanded.
"Just from the strain on the muscles from the hangin'," Dr. Martin remarked. Jimmy winced. "She'll be fine, but she should rest her voice a day or two."
Losing interest, the doctor cleared his throat. "The matter of my bill . . . three dollars for the examination, a dollar for the ointment."
Before Lou could manage an answer, Jimmy thrust his hand in his pocket and handed the doctor four dollars. Lou whispered, "Jimmy," but he silenced her with a look.
"I got you hurt, the least I can do is pay your doctor's bill. I ain't taking no for an answer. "
As they walked out onto the porch, Lou croaked out, "Three dollars! We were in there two minutes; I can't believe you agreed to it . . ."
Jimmy snapped, "Well, what's the point of goin' to a doctor if you ain't going to listen to him? Didn't you hear him say five minutes ago not to talk for a couple days?"
Lou looked away, sulking.
Softening, Jimmy touched her sleeve. "I'm sorry, Lou. My nerves are shot, that's all, between worryin' about you being trapped with Hopkins all night, and then the close call this morning. I don't remember ever being that scared in my life," he said honestly. "I'm so sorry."
Lou stroked his arm, then used Indian sign she'd learned from Ike to reassure him. *I don't blame you, Jimmy. It's all right.*
He nodded, but wouldn't meet her eyes. Lou pulled at his arm again; when he looked back, she signed, *Well, if you want to make it up to me, then buy me breakfast. I'm starving.*
He grinned in spite of himself, and nodded again. When she turned, he checked his pocket; fortunately, he still had several dollars left. That's a break; she can put away more food than anyone her size I ever saw, he reflected. She'll probably clean me out. But he followed her gratefully, thanking Heaven that she had survived and was here to do it.
Kid stood on a chair in the Sweetwater schoolhouse, hanging a large set of pull-down maps for his new friend Samantha Edgars. He carefully checked the maps, making sure each one pulled down separately. "That looks about right. Anything else I can do for you?"
"Thank you, Kid - - they look perfect. You can help me get this crate of art books open and passed out on the desks, if you don't mind."
He opened the crate for her and pulled out a book, flipping through it. "Samantha?" he blurted out, surprised. "I think Tompkins made a mistake, these couldn't be the books you ordered." As she came toward him, curious, he shut the book rapidly. "This ain't a proper book for a lady," he said, blushing.
Samantha picked another book from the crate and looked at the spine. "No, these are the books I ordered. What's the problem with them?"
"There's statues of naked people in there," he mumbled. "A man with . . . with everything hangin' out plain as day, that's what the problem is."
"David?" laughed Samantha. "Is that what you're talkin' 'bout? That's by the most famous artist who ever lived."
"Well, I don't know why he couldn't have carved some pants on him if he's such a great artist," Kid said defensively.
"Kid, that's fine art; it's almost three hundred fifty years old. It's of King David, from the Bible! This is an art appreciation class, of course I'm going to show the children the greatest sculpture ever made."
Kid shook his head, concerned. "Samantha. Trust me on this. Your students' parents are not gonna 'appreciate' this."
Samantha stopped laughing at his serious tone. "Too much?" she said, doubtfully.
"Way too much."
She looked down dolefully. "I guess you're right. What with the ruckus between you and Robert when I came to town, I'm already skatin' on thin ice as it is with the townsfolk. Better not over do it with the art appreciation. Best stick to the three R's, you're sayin'?"
Kid pressed her hand encouragingly. "I'm sure you're a fine art teacher, Samantha. But maybe you can just start with sketching a bowl of fruit or a landscape or something? Leave David and his business out of it?"
"All right, all right. You've convinced me. Mama told me the same thing when I ordered the books."
"How are things between you and Miss Martha?"
"Better." Her eyes grew sad a moment. "I realized when Robert died, how I wasted so much time fighting with her, blaming her for my situation." She placed the two books back in the crate. "It certainly wasn't Mama's fault, but it's been hard for me, being colored and living in the white world. Never knowing when my secret'll come out."
He nodded sympathetically. She grinned. "Like you would know the first thing about it," she teased.
"I know it was hard on you," he said. Curious, he asked, "But if it's so hard . . . why do you do it?"
"Why do I pass for white, you mean?"
When he nodded again, she looked incredulous. "Kid, surely you must know why. You know what rights a colored person . . . a colored woman has in this country. Less than none. " She shook her head. " I'd never be allowed to teach school out here if folks knew. And I've worked hard. I've gotten a fine education. I can teach this school as well as anybody. There's no reason I shouldn't be allowed to, is there?"
He sighed, thinking back to another girl who had to hide behind a secret to survive. "Just askin', I guess. It's your decision how you want to live, and your secret's safe with me."
"No matter what happens between us?" she asked cautiously. If he doesn't keep our secret, folks could find out Mama and I ran away from the plantation . . . and we could end up having to go back. She watched Kid anxiously.
"Of course, what kind of gentleman do you take me for? I give you my word, no one will know from me who doesn't already know."
Relieved, Samantha leaned in and planted a kiss on Kid's cheek. "Thank you, Kid." Looking around, she nodded in satisfaction. "The classroom looks perfect. Let's go have a picnic or somethin' to celebrate."
He readily agreed, and they stepped out into the sunshine, shutting the classroom door behind them.
As Jimmy and Lou rode back toward Sweetwater, they came up over a crest to see the sun setting in a blaze of gold and bronze and pink; Lou stopped a moment and dismounted. She stood drinking in the sunset, her face mesmerized. Jimmy sat on his horse watching her face, with the soft setting light playing across it.
She turned suddenly and saw him looking. *What is it?* she signed, confused. *Something on my face?* she asked, wiping at it with the back of her hand. He chuckled.
"It's nothing. You just looked like that was either your first sunset or your last, somehow."
She looked back at it, again lost in the beauty she saw all around her. *In a way, every sunset is the first and the last, Jimmy. Every single one is different . . . and will never come back again. So, I try to, well, just really feel it, you know?*
"Are you like that with everything?" he asked. "Or just sunsets?"
She grinned back at him. *Why, Jimmy, what are you referring to?*
He went scarlet. "I don't know," he mumbled. He changed the subject hurriedly. "You know, we might as well make camp around here somewhere, don't you think? There's a small lake a little ahead, I think. Might be able to cool off a little, this heat's pretty fearsome tonight."
The moon was coming up in place of the sun, and lit the way somewhat as they rode. "There's the lake!" Lou squealed, hoarsely, forgetting her strained voice a moment. At his warning look, she switched back to sign. *Let's take care of the horses and make camp here!* She jumped down and started work, as Jimmy stared after her.
What the heck is the matter with me tonight? It's just Lou, but - but after last night - something seems different about her all of a sudden. He shook off the thought. She's a friend, that's it. It's just seein' her in a dress yesterday, and now the moonlight. That's it. Anyway, she's still heartbroken over Kid, so keep your eyes and your hands off, Hickok, he warned himself.
When the campfire was merrily cooking their dinner and the horses were put up for the night, Lou wiped her face irritably. *Thought when the sun went down it might cool off a little, but doesn't seem like it. I'm going in for a swim.* With that, she bent to pull off her shoes, then stood to slide her pants down.
Jimmy was alarmed for a moment, then reminded himself she was still wearing her long johns. He stripped down to just long john bottoms and turned to see her emerging from underwater, standing in the full moonlight dripping wet. She had no idea that her long johns were now completely transparent, clinging to her in startling relief. She smiled up at him, waving and making exaggerated gestures toward the water, inviting him to come in for a swim.
He tossed his longjohns aside and waded into the water after her. To his dismay, she grinned devilishly at him and plunged back down, swimming toward him underwater. Emerging near him, she splashed at him mischievously. *Doesn't that feel a lot better?*
"Lou, quit that splashin'," he laughed, before splashing back, then grabbing at her impulsively to dunk her. Her feet slipped and she landed in his arms, pressed against him, giggling. He felt electricity spark between them, holding her and looking down into her big eyes. Confusion flickered across her face, as she bit her lip uncertainly.
He put her from himself gently. "I reckon that food is about ready by now," he said quietly. She nodded somberly, crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.
They trudged toward shore, not looking at one another. As she stepped forward to take the pot from the fire, he took her arm. "Lou?" She looked up at him. "You looked . . . look really beautiful tonight." He looked away abruptly, and Lou started placing food on the plates for both of them, trying to ignore the strange tension between them. The moonlight's playing tricks on us, that's all. Jimmy's a good friend, and so handsome. But we're just not bein' ourselves tonight, it doesn't mean anything, she thought, dubiously. They sat down together and ate in strained silence, turning in early.
Dinner was being served when Lou and Jimmy walked in to the bunkhouse. Rachel blurted, "Lou, what happened to your throat, honey?"
*Had a little trouble in Willow Springs. Doctor says I will be fine in a few days.*
"For Heaven's sake, Lou, it looks like you got strung up by a noose," Rachel exclaimed, examining the bruising and rope burns. Lou's eyes flickered to Jimmy's a moment.
*No harm done, Rachel. *
Kid's eyes narrowed as he looked at Lou's injuries, but he bit his lip. His hovering over Lou had caused enough trouble while they were a couple. Now that they were going to just be friends, he had even less right to make a fuss over what obviously had been a close call. He looked down and picked at his food. Jimmy looked guiltily at Lou as she swallowed her food a little painfully. Jimmy pushed his own food away and stood up. "Rachel, I ain't that hungry. I'm heading in to town for a bit. You need anything?"
Rachel shook her head, perplexed. "See you later, Jimmy," she responded. Jimmy nodded, placing his hat on his head, and walked out. Lou looked after him. She hoped he wasn't feeling guilty over what happened; and as the door shut, a strange empty feeling settled on her. She sighed and placed her fork down, then excused herself from the table.
Rachel looked irritably at the three full plates left on the table, as Kid also got up without finishing. For heaven's sake," she muttered. "Was there somethin' wrong with the dinner tonight?"
Cody looked up eagerly, and drew the plates toward himself. "Not that I could tell, Rachel. I'll be happy to make sure these don't go to waste."
Finding Lou sitting on the steps polishing her shoes, Kid approached. "You got a minute, Lou?" Kid asked hesitantly.
She nodded, gesturing beside her with a shoe.
"I wanted to apologize if I hurt your feelings the other day, when I was talking to the boys in the bunkhouse."
Lou looked away stiffly, then signed, *What makes you think my feelings were hurt? There's nothing to apologize for. You have the right to see whoever you want now.*
Kid placed a hand over hers. "I think it, because it would have hurt me if I'd heard you talking like that. Even now." He leaned over and caught her eye. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make you happy." His face was sad, looking at her. "Seems like I'd give anything if I could have. But wanting it, and making it happen, were two different things. Point is, I never want to see you hurt, especially because of some foolishness I said. "
She nodded, smiling into his honest, pleading eyes. *Thank you. It means a lot that you bothered to tell me that.* She turned back to her shoe shining, and after a moment's hesitation, Kid got up and returned to the bunkhouse slowly.
Jimmy looked up as the outhouse door swung open and Lou came out, her face down. As she walked rapidly toward the barn, Jimmy sensed something was wrong, really wrong, with her. After just a moment's hesitation he followed her to the barn.
He found her saddling Lightning wearily. "Going for a ride?" he asked uncertainly. "Like some company?"
Lou started to refuse, then nodded. "Actually, I would. If you're not too busy," she hastened to add.
"Course not. It's a great day for a ride." They rode out together silently. Today there was no talk of savoring the sunset; she seemed nearly oblivious to her surroundings, though the day was beautiful. "Lou, is everything okay? You seem a little distracted." She looked over at him, then ahead again with a sigh. "Promise you won't say nothin'?"
"Sure," he said, baffled.
"I'm late."
"Late for what?" he asked, puzzled.
She looked at him, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head. "Late. How a woman is late when she's in trouble."
Jimmy gaped at her. "Oh, Lou . . ."
"I know."
"What are you goin' to do?" Jimmy asked gently.
"I'm only two days late. It's happened a few times before. I'm hoping it's nothing. But I'm scared, Jimmy. It's over between me and Kid, that's for sure. He's been seeing a lot of that new schoolteacher this last month."
Jimmy glowered. "Well, if you're carrying his child, he can stop seeing her and do the right thing, or answer to me."
She smiled a little. "That's sweet, Jimmy. I'm sure if it's true, Kid'll do the right thing. That isn't what worries me. It's just that I wasn't ready for this. Marriage. Babies. I had no business doing what I did if I wasn't ready for that. But this is a hard way to learn that lesson."
"You told Kid yet?"
She shook her head. "It's still too early. I've been this late a few times, and there's no sense getting him worked up if it's a false alarm. You know how he is."
He shrugged and nodded. As they kept riding, he looked at her again. He prayed it wasn't so, knowing it wasn't what she wanted, but also because - he had his own hopes where she was concerned.
Lou looked back over at him. "What?" she said, confused at his stare.
He shook his head, slapping his reins on Sundance's neck. "Nothin," he muttered. Now's not the time, she's worried sick over this. But what if it's true? She'll have to marry Kid, and I'll never get the chance to . . .
"Let's just ride," she said restlessly; and the two of them broke into a gallop, trying to outrun their separate worries.
Daisy elbowed her way between Buck and Kid, who smiled stiffly at the little girl. "Nice seeing you again, Daisy," Kid muttered darkly.
She nodded in response, and waited patiently for her dinner to be served. "So what's new around here?" she asked as Rachel started around the table with a serving bowl.
Jimmy looked down, sliding his eyes to the side toward Lou beside him. She had her eyes fixed on her plate, her hands folded in her lap tensely.
"Well, Kid here has a new girlfriend," Cody said. "You're in luck, Daisy. She's your new schoolteacher, Miss Edgars. So maybe Kid'll put in a good word for you."
"I thought Lou was your girlfriend," Daisy demanded.
"Not anymore," Lou cut in, without raising her eyes from her plate.
Jimmy's left hand slipped under the table, pressing Lou's right hand. Without giving any outward sign, she clutched his hand tightly in her fingers. After they clasped hands a moment, he placed his hand back on the table, and they continued with dinner.
The next morning, after Rachel took a nasty fall and sprained her ankle, Kid walked Daisy in to town to meet Samantha before her first day of school. Entering the schoolroom, Daisy moped behind unenthusiastically.
"Well, who do we have here?" Samantha asked kindly.
"Miss Edgars, may I introduce Miss Daisy Miller. She's a friend of Rachel's and is staying with her for a while."
"Pleased to meet you, Daisy. What Reader are you in at your school back home?"
Rather than answer, Daisy rolled her eyes.
Kid shifted on his feet. "Daisy hasn't had much schooling lately, Miss Edgars. She … traveled quite a bit with her father, you see."
"Well, take a seat, Daisy. I'll have some time to talk and find out where to place you in the class."
Daisy selected a seat in the back row of the classroom, and Samantha walked Kid to the door. As they stood in the coatroom, he whispered, "Can I see you tomorrow, Samantha? Maybe come out for lunch at the station, then take a walk down to the pond?"
"I think that can be arranged," she drawled flirtatiously. He smiled and tipped his hat, and she watched him walk down the steps. Martha came up the steps as Kid rode off. "Came to drop off your lunch pail, Samantha. You left it sitting on the kitchen table. I declare you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached." Handing the pail to Samantha, Martha glared at her. "And what was that poor boy doing here, at the school? You've been spending entirely too much time with him as it is, without him showing up at the school where your students' parents might see him."
Samantha sighed. "He's a nice, decent young man. And he already knows the truth about me, but doesn't mind. That's the first time that's happened that I recall. I don't have to pretend with him. It's a relief, if you must know. Bein' with someone who isn't complicated, and likes me even though he knows the real me."
"That's well and good, Samantha. But I made a lot of sacrifices to get a proper education for you. That's wasted on a boy like that, with no education, no prospects -"
Samantha's jaw set in a stubborn line; and Martha bit her tongue at the sight of her contrary daughter's expression. The young woman explained, "I understand what you're saying, but I think I'm starting to care about him. I think he's a good person, and maybe that's more important than money."
Losing her patience, Martha started lecturing. "Just think about what kind of trouble I put myself in, the risk I took for you, Samantha, before you decide to throw it away. Running away from the plantation years ago, taking you with me. " She lowered her voice. "How hard I worked to get the money to put you through the Academy-"
"I know," Samantha snapped. "And I have a student waiting on me inside. If you're done telling me how to live my life, I'd like to get back to her." She flounced into the school in a whirl of skirts, leaving Martha fuming outside.
Two days later, Kid tugged at Samantha's hand as they walked through tall grass toward the pond. He pulled her close for a kiss, hands on either side of her laughing face. Looking into her dark, dancing eyes, Kid smiled, then groaned at the sound of rustling several yards away. "Shhh," Samantha giggled, and they crouched down. "Maybe they'll leave," she whispered conspiratorially, feeling giddy. He makes me feel like I don't have any worries at all, she thought, grinning over at him. Like the carefree girl I never really got to be, growing up on the plantation - - and later, always worrying and working and pretending. She squeezed his arm, happily.
Through the grass, Kid saw Jimmy walking up from the water's edge, dripping, just as a figure burst from the tall grass. It was Lou, and she was running toward Jimmy. "I've been lookin' all over for you . . . you're the only person I could tell, the only person who knew," she gasped out. "I got news."
"What is it?" Jimmy asked, his face etched with concern. "Are you all right?"
"Better than all right. It was a false alarm, Jimmy," she said, nearly crying with relief. At his uncertain look, she smiled. "I got my cycle, I'm not pregnant," she almost shouted. Jimmy grinned.
"That's a relief," he said, hugging her. "I won't have to use my shotgun on that fool Kid, now."
"Jimmy," Lou admonished. "It wouldn't have been all his fault, you know. I was there, too."
After the first shock at Lou's words, Kid glanced at Samantha, whose face was set stiffly away from him. She got up and walked back the way they had come, Kid following sheepishly.
As they reached the road, Kid fell into step beside her.
"So Lou is a girl," Samantha muttered.
"Yes," Kid said, admitting the obvious.
"And you're having an affair with her."
Kid grasped Samantha's arm, turning her toward him. "No, Samantha. We stopped seein' each other before you even came to town."
"You were doin' a lot more than seein' from the sounds of it, Kid. Did you know she thought she might be pregnant, while you were comin' to see me?"
"I had no idea, honestly. This is the first I've heard of it."
Samantha looked him full in the face. "What am I supposed to think, Kid? You never breathed a word about her to me."
"I couldn't, Samantha. I gave her my word I'd keep her secret, and I couldn't very well tell you I'd been in love with her without giving it away."
"You loved her?"
Kid looked back at her, then nodded slowly. "Of course I did. I wouldn't have done -- that, if I didn't."
"So what happened, then? The truth, Kid."
He paused. "I wanted to marry her. She said she wasn't ready, and we stopped seeing each other."
Samantha looked in his eyes, searching. "So if you had it to do over, you wouldn't be with her that way?"
Conflicting emotions played over his face. "I'm sorry, Samantha, but I can't say that. I don't regret what she and I had together, and I grew a lot because I knew her. But it's over," he added gently. "I think you and I could have something special, if you can find it in your heart to overlook my past."
"I don't know, Kid. I'm -- I'm surprised, to tell the truth," she said hesitantly. Her voice low and a little sad, she whispered, "I expected more from you, somehow."
Color flooded his face again, and he nodded.
"I'll think about it, okay?" she said slowly. "I'm just not sure I can get past this." She turned and walked down the road toward her home, as he stood helplessly watching her go.
Back at the pond, Lou was sitting on the bank waiting for Jimmy to dress. As he emerged from behind some shrubbery, tying his gun rig to his leg, she grinned. "Well, I feel like celebrating," she sang out. "Feel like going into town for lunch? I'm buying."
He shook his head, "No, I'd rather not go into town. How about a long walk instead?"
Lou looked curiously at him. "Jimmy, I'm sorry - is something wrong? You seem upset. I was so excited about . . . well, you know . . . that I didn't notice."
He said, a little gruffly, "Let's walk, okay?"
Lou scrambled after him, mystified. "What is it?"
He stopped by an old tree, its branches dancing in the breeze, and looked around, fidgeting with his hat. "Been wanting to tell you something, for a while now, but couldn't do it while you had so much on your mind," he said nervously.
She looked startled, when he grasped her hand and pressed it to his chest. "If I thought you and Kid were goin' to get back together, I wouldn't say this to you," he started, awkwardly. "But you both seem to be moving past it. And," he cleared his throat. "And I was hoping maybe I could," he stopped and coughed again. "Court you. If you don't mind."
Lou's eyes widened at first, but after examining his face closely for a moment, she smiled and answered softly. "I don't mind. I'd like to be courted by you, Jimmy. Thank you for the honor," she added, formally.
They stood looking at each other. "So what do we do now, shake on it?" Jimmy asked.
"Is that the best you can come up with?" she asked, glancing up at him through her lashes.
He grinned, and slipped his arms around her waist, bending down to kiss her upturned mouth, his hand working its way up to her hair, the kiss turning intimate and close. She wound her hands in his shirt as their surroundings vanished to her, and all she knew was the pounding of their two hearts, his lips on hers. When they broke the kiss and she leaned against his chest, he found himself panting, trembling with emotion; they stood together, cheek to cheek, for long minutes.
"I'm glad someone enjoys it," Rachel said pointedly. Kid snapped, "Sorry, Rachel, I'm not hungry." He got up and stormed from the room.
Jimmy looked after him, then at Lou. "Maybe we should go talk to him," he whispered.
She looked reluctant. "Do we have to?" she whispered back.
Rachel lost her temper. "If you two have something to share, then let's all hear it. Otherwise, you're excused."
As they went out on the porch, they saw Kid heading toward the woodpile. Lou sighed. "I guess we should talk to him. I didn't think he'd mind if we started seeing each other, but I just didn't want to make an announcement already," she explained. "I'm enjoyin' it being just between us two for now."
"I think he must have figured it out, from how he's acting," Jimmy said guiltily. "I should have checked with him first, before I asked you."
"You don't need his permission to court me, Jimmy."
"I know. But as his friend, I should have asked him first," he muttered. "Not that I would've let it stop me if he said no," he explained. "But it's just the proper thing for a fella to ask."
She grinned a little at Jimmy's sense of male propriety. "Well, let's get it over with."
They approached Kid, who was splitting a piece of wood angrily.
"Kid? Can we talk to you?"
Kid split another piece of wood with unusual force, the pieces flying in all directions. "Now you want to talk?" he muttered, snatching up the remains.
Lou was taken aback and hesitated, but Jimmy was irked by Kid's attitude. "Yeah, that's what she said, Kid."
Kid flung the wood to the side. "She's got you to talk to now, don't she? What's left to talk to me about?"
"Kid, why are you so angry?" Lou said, finding her voice. "You've been seeing someone else for a month, why can't I?"
"Why can't you what?" Kid snapped, still keeping his back to her.
"See someone else," Lou said hesitantly. "Isn't that what we're talking about?"
Kid turned toward Lou now. At his rapid approach, Lou cowered visibly; and Kid stopped with an effort. "Don't look like that at me, Lou," he said, defeated. "Please, I don't want it to be like this between us." Kid raised his hand and touched her arm, penitently. "I'm sorry. It just hurt that you went to Jimmy when you thought you were in trouble, and not to me."
"You know about that?" whispered Lou.
Kid nodded, shifting awkwardly. "Saw you tell him down at the pond. I know we aren't a couple anymore. And I know I started seeing someone else, maybe too soon, trying to get past it. But . . . didn't you know after all we've been through, you coulda come to me with anything?"
She looked up at him remorsefully. "I'm sorry, Kid. I thought I was doing the right thing, waiting until I was sure one way or another. "
"So you're sure, now? It was a false alarm for sure?" Kid asked, and Lou nodded.
Kid stroked her arm gently. "Well, I guess there won't be a next time for that," he said, smiling a little. "But if you ever have any other problem, I hope you know you can bring it to me, and I'll always do what I can."
"I know," Lou said, her eyes smarting a little.
"So, there's -- there's something goin' on between you two now?" Kid asked, not looking directly at either of his two friends.
Jimmy nodded.
"When did it start?"
Jimmy cleared his throat. "I've felt something a long time now, probably even before you broke up. But I never acted on it, Kid. I wouldn't do that while you were together, no matter what I felt."
When Kid nodded, Jimmy continued. "I asked Lou to let me court her today. And she said yes. We hope you can understand and be okay with it."
Kid laughed a little, shaking his head. "I understand it, Jimmy. I loved her too, you know."
"I know."
"Just be good to her, Jimmy. That's all," Kid said, softly. Jimmy nodded, and Lou's eyes blurred a little with tears as the two men shook hands gruffly.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Rachel was passing out biscuits and eggs at the breakfast table several days later, while Daisy was scrawling a composition sullenly on sheets of paper. "Daisy, is that your homework? But you were up in your room all night, I thought you would have finished it then." "Miss Edgars gives too much homework," Daisy wailed. "Kid, can't you keep her busy so she don't have time to correct all this?"
"No, I can't."
"You haven't mentioned Samantha in a while," Teaspoon remarked idly. "How're things goin' with you two?"
"They're not."
Lou looked over at Kid, who kept his eyes on his plate.
Shrugging, Daisy gathered her work and stood. "Well, I'll give her your regards, Kid. I got to get going." She grabbed a biscuit and left, slamming the door behind her.
"That's too bad, Kid, she was sure a pretty little thing. Enjoyed having her around from time to time," Teaspoon said.
"I can live without it," Noah said. Kid looked at him in surprise.
"Why do you say that?" Kid blurted.
Noah bit off a mouthful of biscuit and chewed it before answering. "Because if there's anythin' worse than a spoiled Southern belle, it's a former slave parading around pretendin' to be one."
Lou and Jimmy looked awkwardly at one another. Jimmy cleared his throat and started, "Lou, it's fine weather we've been havin' the last couple days, don't you think?"
Before Lou could answer, Kid snapped at Noah, "Who are you to judge her? You've never been a slave, like she was, and still is, according to some folks. She's doing what she has to, to survive. I'd think you would understand that."
"Well, I don't. And I don't understand her ordering her ma around like a slave now. And simpering around, acting as if she owned a hundred slaves herself, like she's some helpless little Southern lady of the manor. I'm just surprised it took her this long to cut you loose. You're too poor for her to take any real interest in."
"You're wrong about her. It's Miss Martha who calls the shots in that house, not Samantha. And she didn't stop seeing me because I'm not rich, either. "
"Sure she didn't."
"I'm telling you, it was - it was something else." Kid's eyes flickered to Lou and then down.
"If we're done discussing Kid's personal life, maybe you can all get to work," Rachel ordered, starting to clear the dishes.
As Kid headed toward the barn, Lou hurried after him. "Kid, what happened? Why did Samantha stop seeing you?" she asked, worried.
"It isn't important," Kid said, saddling Katy.
"It is, Kid. Maybe it's somethin' you can fix."
"It's not."
She looked at him, baffled. "Is there a reason you can't talk about it? I'd like to help," she said awkwardly.
Kid smiled a little. "No, there's nothing you can do either."
"I'm sorry, Kid."
"It isn't your fault, Lou. It's mine."
"What's that mean? Everything seemed fine between you when she was here at lunch the other day. What could have happened that - - "
She paused. "You were down at the pond when I told Jimmy there wasn't going to be a baby - - was she there too?"
Kid swung up on Katy's back.
"Kid, did Samantha hear what I said?" Lou asked, gripping Katy's bridle. He looked away. She tugged at his pant leg. "Kid, I have a right to know if she knows I'm a girl, and about what happened between us."
He looked at her, nodding. "She won't tell on you, Lou. She's not spiteful like that. But I guess she doesn't think she can care about me if I've - - if I've been with another woman."
"But Kid, she can't expect to find a man over eighteen with no experience at all, especially out here. At least you - - well, you only had one woman before her, and we really cared about each other. Look at Cody, for heaven's sake, and even Jimmy, for that matter."
Kid shook his head. "She expects more than that, I guess. It's all right, Lou. It's nobody's fault, don't let it worry you." He smiled gently and clucked to Katy, riding over to the station, waiting for Ike to hand off the mochila, then riding off.
Daisy looked, agonized, at the clock. Three more minutes. She watched the hands slowly moving, then grinned when Samantha rapped on her desk. "Class dismissed," she called. "Except for you, Daisy. You're staying after school to clean the desks. I haven't forgotten your little escapade with the frog in my desk this morning."
As Daisy started wiping down the desks under Samantha's watchful eye, Lou appeared at the entrance. "Thought I'd give Daisy a ride back to the house, but I guess it looks like she's got some work to do."
Samantha blushed at the sight of Lou. "Yes, she has, Lou. She probably will be done in about half an hour."
Lou nodded, looking down at the floor.
"Is there something else you needed, Lou?"
"Can we step outside, Miss Edgars?"
Samantha started to refuse, then sighed. "All right, Lou."
The two girls walked to the bench outside, several yards away from the school, and sat down. After a moment, Lou mumbled, "I understand you know two secrets about me."
"You know a secret of mine, too, Lou. I promise I'll keep yours to myself, and I hope you'll do the same."
"Of course, Samantha." Lou met Samantha's gaze. "I'm sorry if what happened between me and Kid is causing a problem for you."
"What's done is done," Samantha said wearily. "He just seemed different, is all. More scrupulous than most other men. Now, I'm not sure he's who I thought he was."
"You can trust him, Samantha. He's a fine person with a lot of ideals. He wanted to do the right thing by me, honestly."
Samantha nodded. "Why didn't you let him? Didn't you love him?"
Lou's face fell. "That's a pretty direct question," she remarked.
"How about a direct answer?"
After a painful pause, the answer came. "I loved him."
"Then why, Lou? Why didn't you marry him? What did he do wrong?"
"It wasn't like that. He didn't do anything wrong. He always did what he thought was right, or tried to. It was me that -- that wasn't right. I can't explain it completely. But marryin' because he felt we should, because it was the proper thing, wasn't what I wanted. And things weren't working between us, even though we cared so much about each other." Tears were standing in her eyes. "Sometimes that isn't enough."
Samantha handed Lou a handkerchief, and Lou furtively looked around to make sure no one saw her wiping her eyes. Samantha spoke quietly. "So what should I do, Lou? My mother doesn't approve of Kid, he's not what she had in mind for a husband for me. Is he worth going against my mother's wishes?"
"Samantha, you'll never find a man more decent." Lou looked at Samantha wryly. "I wouldn't come here and humiliate myself like this, if I didn't think he deserved to be happy. Give him a chance, please."
Two months later. The monthly town dance was in half an hour, and Lou sat dismally watching the other riders getting ready. Rachel caught her expression, and remarked, "Lou, just because Jimmy is late getting back from his run is no reason you can't just go to the dance. Run put on your dress, there's time."
"I don't want to go without Jimmy," Lou said despondently. The other riders, including Kid, exchanged amused glances.
"He might get back in time. Get your dress on just in case," Rachel encouraged her.
"I don't know, Rachel. Seems like a pretty risky move anyway, showing up in town in a dress."
Rachel chuckled. "Anybody who hasn't already figured it out, won't figure it out even if they see you in a dress, sweetheart. Go get prettied up at the house, now. He might get in before it's too late to go."
Sighing, Lou trudged off and got changed. But Jimmy didn't come, and she sadly looked after the others as she sat on the porch swing; the warm air and gentle motion was soothing, though, and she drifted off to sleep.
"Wake up, sleeping beauty," Jimmy whispered, ticking her with a flower.
"Jimmy!" Lou gasped, leaning forward to kiss him. "You're back - - "
"Safe and sound. Missed you." He kissed her again. "Love you." She smiled at him, whispering shyly, "I love you too." They sat clasped in each other's arms, time standing still. They had said their very first "I love you's" just before he'd ridden out, and the words still carried a special magic for them.
"Is it too late to go in to the dance?" Lou said, as Jimmy bent to kiss her neck. His hands were busy at work, as he mumbled, "It's half over . . . it'd be almost time to turn around and come home by the time we got there now." Lou was breathless with excitement herself, but her mind told her to slow things down a little. Jimmy's breath was heaving slightly and he had slipped his hand up her skirt to her thigh. "Jimmy," she said hesitantly . . .
"Lou," he moaned, reaching up still higher with one hand, while the other clutched her to him; he ran his lips down her neck down to the top of her cleavage, exposed slightly in the décolleté dancing dress. His hand moved upwards, and she jerked away, shoving him back. "Stop it, Jimmy," she snapped, pulling her dress back straight.
"I'm sorry; did you want to go inside for a while?" Jimmy panted, pulling her close again.
She pulled out of his grasp and stood, trembling. "It's too soon, Jimmy. We have to stop."
Jimmy looked up at her. "If you want to stop, we'll stop. But I don't really get the problem - we love each other, so why's it too soon for us to-"
She cut him off, irrationally. "What's that supposed to mean? You referring to the fact that I went to bed with Kid, so now you expect me to tumble right into bed with you?" she was shaking with emotion. "I don't want to make another mistake, Jimmy. Can't you understand that?"
"You're twistin' this around, putting words in my mouth -"
"I'm not gonna be passed around the bunkhouse like some cheap whore, damn it! I'm not!" she blurted out, turning blindly and running away from him toward the stable. He chased after her, pleading with her to listen to reason. "Lou, I don't think that of you. Please, just stop for a minute!" Before she could mount a horse, he was beside her, dragging her back by the arm.
Furious, he shouted, "Damn it, Lou, listen to me, will you?" and slammed the side of his fist against the barn door over her head in frustration.
The adrenaline was rushing through her; the slamming of the wood and the shouting voice reverberated in her head . . . she felt herself unwillingly falling into a memory . . . reliving being thirteen, and slammed against a wooden door . . . then carried bodily to a bed . . . then . . . as she fought to stem the tide of the rushing memories, she whimpered and slipped to the ground in a ball, heedless of her pretty dress.
Jimmy couldn't understand what had happened; Lou was curled up at his feet, her eyes wide with terror, looking through him, not at him. As he bent down to touch her arm gently, she went rigid and lashed out at him with a fury.
Kid approached the barn with Katy. Samantha had asked to be brought home a little early, complaining of a slight headache, but otherwise the evening had been perfect, he reflected. He and Samantha were getting along better every day, it seemed. As he dismounted from Katy and went to open the barn door, he heard a sudden bloodcurdling scream … Lou's voice, from inside.
Without hesitating, Kid pulled the door open, shocked to see Jimmy bent over Lou, who was screaming and fighting desperately against Jimmy's grasping hands. At the sight of Kid, Jimmy let go of Lou, who scrambled away and cowered, sobbing, near a stall. Kid's first thought was of Lou, and he jumped forward to check on her. Approaching slowly, he knelt before her.
"Lou … are you all right?" Her eyes were bright with terror, and she shivered violently - but his soothing voice and outstretched hand seemed to be getting through to her. "Kid?" she said, lips trembling.
"Are you hurt, Lou?" Kid said pleadingly, stretching out his arms kindly to her. She scooted forward and buried her face in his arms. He rocked her back and forth as she wept bitterly against his shoulder.
Jimmy came forward tentatively, but Kid whirled on him. "So help me, Jimmy, if you know what's good for you, you'll get the hell out of here while you're still in one piece," Kid snarled. "And if you've hurt her, keep going, because when I find you, I'll kill you."
Stunned, Jimmy looked at Lou, hiccupping and sniffling now in Kid's arms, as Kid dropped his head and pressed his lips to her hair, stroking her back soothingly. For a moment, the thought flashed through Jimmy's mind, Is she -- Is she doing this to get Kid's attention? But the sight of her anguished face drove the thought away. No. Something's really wrong, he realized. He backed away; If she needs Kid now, then I won't stand in the way, he thought dismally.
Lou slowly realized that she was sitting next to Kid, her face pressed against his shoulder and his arms around her. She cautiously looked up, to see Kid peering down at her, concern etched on his face. Reaching up to brush her bangs out of her eyes, he whispered gently, "You okay now, Lou?"
"I'm exhausted," she said, weakly. "What just happened?"
"You tell me. I came in and you were fighting Jimmy off, screaming." He looked intently at her. "Did he hurt you? I'll know if you're telling the truth," he cautioned.
She shook her head, a little dizzily. "We had a stupid argument, but no. He didn't." She found herself strangely comforted by Kid's presence, but fell silent without explaining her own strange behavior.
"What's wrong, Lou? You seemed like you were in another world, just now. "
She pulled away.
"Please, Lou. Please talk to somebody, Jimmy, Rachel, me, anybody. But whatever it is, you need to talk it out or it's going to eat you up inside."
"Okay," she said evasively.
He bit back a frustrated sigh at her typical secrecy, and leaned forward to wipe her eyes with the side of his hand. "You know, just because it didn't work out for us, doesn't mean you aren't important to me . You are, and you always will be."
"You too, Kid."
Smiling, he pulled her closer again, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You can always come to me for whatever you need, even if it's just to talk," he said.
"I'm not sure Samantha will agree with that," she managed.
She felt him chuckle. "Lou, you and I may have fallen out of love, but I'll always love you. You know what I mean?"
She nodded. It was exactly how she felt about him, too. "I'll never regret that you were the first. The first one I really loved," she amended.
Kid caught the distinction . . . and he wasn't so unschooled in the ways of the world that he hadn't noticed Lou wasn't a virgin when he'd taken her to Red Fern and made love for the first time. Something about the look in her eyes as she cried at Jimmy's feet, the way she just spoke - he had some suspicions that cut him to the soul. But he just rocked her; when she was ready, she would talk, he thought. It was enough for her to know he was there if she needed it. "Thanks, Lou. Are you ready to go back to the bunkhouse now?"
She shook her head, shamed. "He'll be there, and I can't face him just yet after how I acted." She looked up at him, her eyes pleading silently.
Kid tried not to sound reluctant, when he asked, "Do you want me to talk to him?"
She nodded, "Tell him I'm sorry?"
"You have nothing to be sorry for, but I'll tell him that. Among other things," he muttered. "Like that he'd better treat you with respect."
"He does, Kid. Don't worry."
Kid hugged her. "You aren't staying out in the barn by yourself, I hope? Going to Rachel's? Or will you take my head off for suggesting it?" he teased, seeing that she was feeling a little better.
He walked her to Rachel's house and saw her in at the door, then turned and sighed, walking back to the bunkhouse. I'm the last person Jimmy's going to want to talk to about Lou, he realized. But looks like I'm elected. He marched up the steps purposefully and opened the door.
Kid's eyes came to rest on Jimmy, elbows resting on the table. "She okay, Kid?" Jimmy asked.
Closing the door, Kid sighed. "I don't know, Jimmy." He stood by the table. "I have to ask. Did you do anything -"
"You're lucky I don't kill you for suggesting that," Jimmy cut him off, standing up suddenly and knocking the bench over behind him, rage blazing in his eyes.
Kid ignored the outburst and sat down at the bench across the table, speaking calmly. "Jimmy, I'm looking out for her. I didn't think so, but I had to be sure. So what happened?"
Still standing uncertainly, Jimmy shrugged helplessly. "We were just havin' a disagreement, is all. It got a little heated, but she knows I'd never hurt her. Doesn't she?"
"Then what?" Kid asked patiently.
"You saw, Kid." Jimmy walked away despondently, facing the window. "She went crazy on me. Started screaming, scratching, carryin' on. I don't know, it was like she didn't even know it was me or something."
Kid looked down at his hands, waiting. Finally, Jimmy turned irritably. "Okay, so I'm asking. What do I do now?" Jimmy snapped. Fine time when I have to go to Kid for advice about women, Jimmy thought. But then again, so far I'm not doing so great with Lou myself.
Kid hesitated. "The thing is, Lou's -- well, Lou's like a horse."
Jimmy stared. "I think I might see why you and Lou broke up if you can sit there and tell me Lou is like a danged horse, Kid. Or have you just been hangin' around Teaspoon so long you've started talkin' in riddles too?"
"Listen to what I'm getting at, Jimmy. You ever known a horse that, maybe, got mistreated -- maybe the whip laid on too hard, that kind of thing, for too long?"
"I guess so."
"Well, what happens to a horse when a man mistreats it like that?"
Jimmy was starting to see. "It gets scared, nervous -"
"Yeah. It'll start shyin' at shadows, an' if you come up on it too fast in the stall it'll lash out or bite, right? Well, what's the only way to deal with a horse like that, that's been ruined by rough handling?"
Jimmy looked down. "You take it slow and easy, treat it gentle. Don't startle it. Soon enough it'll start trusting you," Jimmy said, slowly.
Kid nodded. "I'm not sure why Lou is like she is, Jimmy." He looked down, embarrassed. "I can't tell you all my reasons, but I think someone hurt Lou bad a long time ago, and she isn't over it yet."
"Hurt her how?"
Kid looked back at Jimmy. "I think she got hurt. By a man. Do I need to spell it out for ya?"
Jimmy's face grew wild with rage and pain. "She told you this, and not me?" he said, voice shaking. "Who was it, Kid? Who touched her, damn it -"
Kid stood up, and grabbed Jimmy's arm as he started toward the door. "Don't go over there half-cocked, Jimmy. I said I think that's what it is. Especially after tonight, the way she was acting, and some of the things she let slip when she was still crying and didn't know what she was saying. I still ain't sure. But I had my suspicions before this."
Jimmy looked confused, then realized it. "You weren't her first, were you?"
Kid turned his head away, refusing to answer him directly, but that was all the answer Jimmy needed. "She didn't tell you for sure, though?" Jimmy pleaded. "You could be wrong. Maybe there was a fella she cared about before you, that's all?"
"I don't know anything for sure, Jimmy. That was part of our problem. We didn't know how to talk to each other about the hard stuff. I knew something was in her past, but I don't know the details." Kid looked ashamed. "I wish I'd tried harder. I was a little afraid to ask. No matter what the answer was, I wasn't going to want to hear it. It was easier to just wait for her to tell me. But she never did." Pausing a moment, he added. "It's your turn now, Jimmy. Maybe you can help her better than I did. Wait to calm down, then tell her she can trust you with the truth when she's ready."
Jimmy nodded. "Thanks Kid."
Kid got up and headed for the door. "I never bedded Katy down tonight, I'm going to go take care of that." He replaced his hat and turned at the door, speaking seriously. "And Jimmy? Remember, no sudden moves; that little filly's spooked enough as it is."
"Jimmy?" Lou ventured, slowly inching toward him as he unloaded bags of grain from the wagon the next morning. He turned, eagerly, and clutched her hands, scanning her face anxiously.
She leaned against the hitching post, peering at him from under her lashes. Her cheeks were bright red with shame, as she whispered, "I'm so sorry about last night, Jimmy. Please forgive me." She mashed her face into his chest hurriedly, slipping her arms up around his back. He put his arms around her tightly, trying to soothe her shaking.
"I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to push you, Lou, please believe me. I do respect you, so much." His voice broke as he bent over her, and he struggled for control as they clung to each other.
"I never should have talked like that to you, Jimmy; you've always been respectful to me. I'm just afraid of getting hurt again."
"You mean like with Kid?" Jimmy asked, low. She nodded. "I know you both got hurt a lot, Lou. But you can't let that make you afraid to take another chance on love. I don't mean, well, just going to bed by that either."
"I know."
"Is that the only way you're worried about gettin' hurt again?"
She looked up at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"
He swallowed. "Kid thinks somebody already hurt you, a long time ago."
Lou shoved herself back away from him. "What did he say?" she asked, frantically. "How did he know?"
She turned, her small frame heaving as she tried to get her breath under control. Afraid to touch her after the last night, he stood awkwardly by her. "He doesn't know for sure, Lou, but I think he's right. You know you can trust me with anything, whenever you want to talk about it." He hesitantly touched her sleeve, and was relieved when she didn't fling his hand off. But she kept looking the other way, as she struggled to speak.
"I want to tell you, but I don't want you to go crazy, promise me." She turned her head and looked at him. "Promise me, you won't do anything crazy, I - I need to get it out, but I don't know if you can handle it. If you can't, I can't talk about it."
He bent to catch her eyes. "I can promise you, nothing you can say will change how I feel about you."
She nodded, and then sank down on the steps. He sat beside her, slipping an arm around her.
"I was thirteen. He was my boss. The first man who'd ever been nice to me. My pa was a horrible person. Brutal, to my momma, to us kids, his workers. I didn't know what it was like to have a man pay any kind of attention to me. I thought he was like the pa I never had. He gave me a job, a place to live. Said I was pretty. Bought me pretty dresses and things. No one ever gave me anything before; we were so poor after my mother ran off with us. I thought he was the kindest, nicest man I'd ever met. He told me I was special. Even brought me to have my picture taken, in the brand new dotted dress he bought me." She rolled her eyes, damp with tears, toward the sky. "I never thought he would do anything to hurt me. I didn't even know what happened between a man and a woman, yet." She gulped, and turned to cover her eyes with her arm.
Jimmy was grateful that she had turned her face away. He was struggling to stay calm and focused on her. But his rage was building as she continued. "He came in my room one night. Said I was all grown up now, and it was time to start earning my keep. He was going to break me in first, though."
She turned and buried her face in his lap. "After he was finished, he left me lyin' there in my own blood. I got cleaned up, hid in the closet," she said wryly. "My friend Charlotte found me there the next morning and got me out of there, gave me money to leave and go to St. Louis. When I got there, I cut off all my hair, started dressin' like a boy. Figured it was safer. I been dressin' like a boy ever since, and that was four years ago."
She started crying again. "But sometimes - not too much anymore - something reminds me. And it all comes rushin' back over me. I saw him again on the street in St. Joe a couple days ago, and between that and the noise your hand made, and when you yelled; well, that's what happened last night, Jimmy. It wasn't your fault."
"It wasn't your fault either, Lou. I'd give anything to take away the hurt he gave you."
Smiling up at him and stroking his face, she protested, "You do! Every time you look at me, or hold me. Just by being you. You take away a little more hurt every day." She played with his shirt buttons idly as she spoke. "You almost make me feel like I'm worth something, even after what he did, you know?"
"You already knew that, didn't you?"
She grimaced. "I don't know."
"You loved Kid, you let him in. You must have known he thought you were worth it."
Impatiently, she frowned. "I don't want to talk about Kid. That's in the past, Jimmy, can't we leave it there?"
"But I need to know, Lou. Don't you still love him? If he was the first person you let your guard down for, then that says a lot."
"I don't love him that way, not anymore. Jimmy, it just was the wrong time for him and me. He's a wonderful person, and I'll always care about him. But we just needed different things, I guess. If he'd known what happened to me four years ago, he would have just seen it as another sign I was weak and needed him to run my life for me. He smothered me with trying to take care of me . . . and that ain't what I needed."
"But don't you need me at all? And for all your saying you don't want his help, you turned to him last night when you were hurting." Jimmy broke off and looked down. Somehow it was hard to tell her how much that had hurt him. But she saw it in his eyes.
She stroked his long hair, pulling a strand toward her and kissing it. "I do need you, Jimmy. I'm willing to lean on you, because you don't need me to be weak for you to be strong. And I love you for that."
Nothing had ever been so hard for Jimmy as to watch Lou ride in the other direction, while he waited for the mochila to be handed off for his own ride to St. Joe. Lou said she was fine to ride, and he knew she would be okay. But he also knew with where he was going, what he'd decided to do, there was some chance he wouldn't see her again. But he had no choice. He was going to find her rapist. And he was going to make him pay. Jimmy drove his heels into his horse as Ike handed the mochila to him, and he raced off at top speed, his jaw clenched as he headed into the distance.
Jimmy pushed open the doors to the brothel and looked around grimly. He'd made inquiries in town, and learned there was only one man who owned a brothel in St. Joe: Lyle Wicks. Jimmy luckily had remembered an offhand comment Lou had made about her first real job doing laundry in a brothel in St. Joe; and she'd let it slip when talking to him that she had seen the man on a trip to see her brother and sister, who lived near St. Joe. Likely she had forgotten mentioning it. She refused to give him any more information; but he was obsessed with finding the man who had stolen Lou's innocence from her.
A beautiful woman in her early thirties approached him; he saw at a glance that she was kind-eyed. She murmured, "What's your pleasure, cowboy?"
"I'm lookin' for a woman named Charlotte . . . she work here?"
"That's me," she said. "Buy a lady a drink?"
Encouraged at having found Lou's friend this easily, he shook his head eagerly. "Let's just go upstairs, okay?"
Charlotte smiled. "Well, you certainly are impatient." She was supposed to encourage the men to get drunk on the cheap swill Mr. Wicks sold, in the hopes they would be freer with their cash. But the young man shook his head again, more firmly this time. "No time, ma'am. Let's go on up." She shrugged and named her price, and he paid her up front. Finding no excuse to keep him downstairs, Charlotte headed up the steps to one of the rooms.
"You got a name, cowboy?" Charlotte asked automatically as she shut the door behind her.
He stood woodenly by the door. "Don't matter."
Charlotte sighed. "Reckon not, then," she agreed, brightly. "What are you in the mood for tonight?"
"Information."
"What?" she said, astonished.
"You know a little girl named Louise McCloud, four years back, that worked in the laundry?"
"What if I did?" Charlotte said cautiously. "Why should I tell you anything about a little laundry girl?" she said defensively.
"Because she's grown up now, and I'm in love with her. And I think your boss hurt her. I need you to confirm it."
Charlotte poured herself a brandy. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"
He grabbed her hand. "Because I'm asking you. You were supposed to be her friend."
Stung, Charlotte snapped, "I was her friend. I helped her afterwards, didn't I? "
"So this Wicks is the man I came to St. Joe to kill, then?"
She dropped the brandy snifter with a crash to the floor, eying him in terror. "You can't be serious. What difference will that make? It won't change what he did to her. And if you don't get killed trying, you'll just get put in jail, and if she loves you like you love her, she won't want that," she reasoned.
He paused a moment. The thought of Lou learning he was in jail, or dead, because of this raced through his mind. It would break her heart, again, and she'd suffered too much already.
"I'll talk to the Marshal, then -"
She sighed. "You think we didn't go to the Marshal back then? It didn't matter. Just like it didn't matter all the other times."
"Other times?"
"Wicks is a powerful man . . . as long as he keeps his hands off the rich folks' daughters, he's got free rein to do what he wants in this town. He owns the law."
Shaking her head, Charlotte stepped over the broken glass and opened the door. "Come with me."
She led Jimmy cautiously down the hallway, and opened another door with a key. "This is his room," she said. He entered, confused. "He ain't here. What did you want to show me?"
"This," she said, lighting the lamp. She pointed to the dresser. It was littered with photographs of young girls, none looking older than fifteen. "Some of these girls work here now, after he raped them and they felt they had nowhere else they could go."
She picked out an older picture. "Me," she said sadly. He looked briefly at the picture, then up at the mirror. There were several larger pictures stuck in the frame. One arrested his attention. A small girl in a dotted dress . . . with long brown braids and wide-open brown eyes. His heart ached as he reached up for it. Flipping it over, he read, "Louise M."
Turning to Charlotte, he wearily asked, "But you must have known what he had planned. Why didn't you stop him? Or warn her?"
She looked away. "Because I was too afraid. He controls us all, don't you understand? I took my life in my hands helping her get away as it was. Nobody can stand up to him."
"That's where you're wrong, Charlotte. I can." As he spoke, he heard a crash overhead. "What's goin' on up there?" They heard a muffled, high pitched scream.
"That's a little girl," Jimmy growled. "He's got another one up there, doesn't he?"
Charlotte looked away dully. Jimmy tore open the door and ran up and down the hall. "There's no stairs. How do you get up there? Damn it, Charlotte, help me help this one. Please," he demanded, grasping her by the arm.
She pointed wordlessly toward a closet. He tore it open and saw a chain. Pulling on it, a set of stairs descended from the trap door above, and he pulled his gun and cautiously went upstairs to the attic.
Lou sat on the front porch waiting impatiently for Jimmy to arrive back from his run. She made out a speck in the distance and excitedly jumped up as it came closer. She ran towards Jimmy as he rode in, and he got down stiffly and caught her in his arms, wincing.
"What's wrong?" Lou gasped, seeing a bullet hole and bloodstain on the shoulder of his coat. "Were you in a gunfight?"
"It's just a scratch."
"How'd it happen?"
Jimmy sighed. "Let's go somewhere we can talk a little."
Leading her to sit down under a tree out of sight and earshot of the bunkhouse, he looked away for a minute. "I saw your brother and sister in St. Joe. They're doing fine, send you their best."
Lou nodded, shrugging and raising her eyebrows. "Okay, thanks. What else happened on your run?"
"I got you something," he said slowly. She looked confused again. "What is it?" she asked.
"This," he said, holding out the picture of her from Wicks' room. She stared at it, recognizing the girl she used to be . . . the innocence and trust still intact. She reached out and took the picture with shaking hands.
"So you know about Mr. Wicks, then. You got this from him, how?"
Before he could answer, she stopped him. "More important, why? Why did you go there, Jimmy? What did you think you would accomplish?"
"I thought I'd punish him for what he did to you. Thought I'd stop him from hurting anyone else."
She looked at him seriously, eyebrow uplifted.
"Okay, at first I only went there to punish him . . . but after I got there, I found him about to hurt another little girl. I called him out. "
Lou burst out, "Oh, Jimmy. Mr. Wicks is an expert gunfighter, he could have killed you."
Her anguished face at the thought tugged at his heart. "I know. But I can't be sorry I went there, just the same. He can't hurt you anymore, or anybody else. It was the right thing to do, Lou." Grimly, he added, "When he was lyin' there, dying, I told him this was for Louise. He knew why it was he was dying. He knew."
She shut her eyes, tears squeezing out unwillingly. "But don't you know that I would have died if he had killed you, Jimmy? He killed my spirit a long time ago. But if he had taken you away from me, it would have finished me off."
Jimmy rocked her, muttering soothing words to her. He realized that killing Wicks hadn't changed what had been done to Lou. She was still carrying the memory of it, the scars of it, in her heart. But he swore he'd do whatever he could to help heal those scars, no matter how long it took.
A month later, Lou rode up to the schoolhouse with Daisy clinging on behind her. They dismounted and Lou looked sternly at Daisy. "You know, I don't think it's too much to ask that you keep track of two schoolbooks and a slate, Daisy. Hopefully Samantha's still here and you can get your things. If not, you're going to be in a heap of trouble with her again tomorrow."
"I can't stand her, Louise," muttered Daisy. "She's put me in the corner every day since I came to stay with Rachel."
Lou ruffled Daisy's hair affectionately. "You've given her a hard time yourself, Trouble. Now let's get your things and get back to the station, I have chores and you have homework before Rachel finishes getting dinner."
Lou noticed that there were several horses tied in front of the schoolhouse, and sighed with relief. "Looks like Samantha's meeting with some of the parents this afternoon. You're in luck."
As Lou put her hand on the door, she heard a crash inside; cautiously, she cracked the door and peeked in. After a split second, Lou pulled Daisy down the steps and said hurriedly but quietly, "Go straight to Teaspoon's, Daisy. Get him to come here, tell him Samantha's in trouble."
As Daisy stared back, Lou said insistently, "Daisy, now. I mean it, or Samantha will get hurt."
Lou watched the girl trot off toward the Marshal's office, then turned and ran back up the steps. Hearing another crash inside, Lou flung open the door, her gun drawn and ready.
The classroom was in disarray, with the two masked men knocking over desks; the new maps Samantha had purchased herself for the classroom were ripped down and flung on the other side of the room. A third man had Samantha backed up against the blackboard; Lou calmly ordered him away from the terrified woman.
"Marshal Hunter'll be here in a minute," Lou informed them. "With plenty of deputies, so you'd better just let her go."
The leader gestured to the others, and they ran toward the back exit; he turned and slapped Samantha full across the face, knocking her down, before joining them. He turned and pointed at her. "You got lucky this time. Next time, don't be so sure." He flung a noose down on the floor of the schoolroom, drawing a gasp of terror from Samantha.
As the men rushed out the door, Lou ran to Samantha.
Kneeling down, her gun still drawn in case the men returned, Lou placed a hand on Samantha's trembling arm. "Are you all right, Samantha? Do you need to go to the doctor?" she asked gently. Samantha looked up, tears standing in her eyes, a welt already forming across her cheek, and shook her head silently.
Teaspoon burst into the room with Kid close behind. Seeing the girls in the corner, Kid rushed forward. "Are you two okay?" he asked, pressing Lou's shoulder gratefully and holding his arms out to Samantha, who flung her arms around his neck.
"It was the Danford brothers, and Mr. Alton," Lou said quietly. "They were masked, but I recognized their horses on the way in, and their clothes. The damn fools."
"They hit you?" Kid demanded furiously, seeing the bruise across Samantha's face. "I'm going out after them -"
"No, Kid!" shouted Samantha. "I won't have it, you hear? Let the law handle it."
"They got no right manhandling a lady," Kid said stubbornly.
"They see it different. They see a colored gal getting above her station. Think that gives them the right to put me back in my place."
Kid looked concerned. "They said that? But how did they know about it?"
Samantha stood up shakily. "What difference does it make?" she said wearily. "It's out and I'm finished in this town. We're finished." She shook off his hands and started toward the door.
As Kid stared dumbly after her, Lou prodded him with her finger. "For pity's sake, go after her, Kid," Lou hissed.
"Right," Kid said hastily.
As Kid rushed out of the schoolhouse, Jimmy passed him on the way in. Louise swaggered out of the doorway, holstering her pistol with a flourish. She smiled up at Jimmy, running a finger along his gun rig naughtily as she passed. "Bout time you got here, big fella. Not to worry. I handled it already, we can head on home."
Jimmy grinned foolishly after her, then shook his head and trotted after her obediently, swatting her playfully on the bottom as he caught up and walked alongside.
As Kid caught up with Samantha in the opposite direction, she was limping, trying to keep her head high as she walked down the street, the townsfolk staring and pointing.
"Are you all right, Samantha? You sure you don't want to stop at the doctor?"
She shook her head stiffly. "I'm going home to pack and leave town. No time. This is goodbye, Kid. You can't be seen with me now that everyone knows."
Kid kept walking next to her. Hesitantly, he told her, "Please stay, Samantha. It doesn't matter to me that folks know you're colored now."
She laughed shortly, then faced him. "Then you're a fool," she sneered bitterly.
He flushed. "I've learned a lot since I left home, Samantha. The color of a person's skin doesn't matter to me."
Samantha laughed mirthlessly. "You say color doesn't matter, and you can say that because you're not colored. It isn't so easy for those of us who are."
"But is that a reason for you to throw away what we might have?"
"For your sake, it is. For both our sakes. I can't stay here now that folks know. My only chance is to move on, someplace where no one knows." They had reached her house, and she was faint and dizzy, and wavered on unsteady legs.
"Sit down, Samantha, please," Kid begged. "You have a right to stay here. You're the best teacher this town's ever seen, folks have to know that."
"All they'll know is I'm colored. You talk big about not caring about that. How are you going to feel if things get more serious between us? Don't you know the law won't even let us get married? It's against the law for you to love me," she sobbed suddenly, sinking down on the steps.
Kid hesitantly objected, "I know what the law says, Samantha, but there's ways around it if we-"
"Even if we might not get prosecuted for it out her, still, they've got a couple real nice words for a white man who'd marry a black woman, don't they?" she flared at him. "You ready to get called those names, Kid?"
"I'd stand up for what's right, Samantha. No matter what names anybody threw at me."
Samantha shook her head, despairingly. "And what if we had children? Your sons would never have any of the rights you take for granted, if the truth about me gets out. Is that what you want for your children?"
She shook her head, defeated. "I wanted better for my children, for myself, but I'm so tired of hiding, Kid. So tired of pretending just to fit into a world that hates my kind. I've pretended so long, I don't even who I really am anymore. I just know I'll do anything, anything, to keep from going back to that old life."
Kid was left speechless at her misery. He'd never let himself think too much about slavery, about racism. But looking into Samantha's anguished face, for the first time he looked through the eyes of a victim of that injustice, and he was shamed, though he'd never owned a slave.
"I'm sorry." It was all he could say, and she dropped her head onto her hand, sitting beside him.
Seven months later Riding up over the crest, Jimmy grinned at Lou, pleased as if he'd personally created the spectacular sunset that greeted them. "Beautiful," Lou breathed.
"Yes," Jimmy smiled, staring at her rapt face. "Like that sunset we saw together on the way back from Willow Springs, remember? " She nodded, smiling at him. "Let's get down and go watch it over there," he said, indicating.
"Okay," she agreed, jumping down and holding his hand tightly. They sat snuggled together watching the sun go down and the moon rise full over the valley. He stroked her hair absently.
"I'm so glad you brought me out here, Jimmy. This is a perfect night, isn't it?"
"I can think of a way it can be, Lou." He fumbled in his pocket a moment, then knelt in front of her.
"Jimmy, don't."
He stopped, pained. "Why not, Lou?" he asked quietly.
Lou's big brown eyes were filled with tears. She struggled to explain, but all she could manage was, "I'm afraid."
Jimmy shook his head. "Afraid? Is it because of my gunfighting? Because I had it all planned, Lou." The words were rushing out eagerly, his face shining with hope and excitement. "I'll give up the gun for you. I'll take another name, we can start over someplace, maybe California. Don't worry, I'll put it behind me, behind us. I promise, Lou."
"That's not what I meant." She looked down at her hands. "I'm afraid to stop being a man."
He looked puzzled. "Lou, I've saved every penny since we started seeing each other. Every bounty or reward I've gotten, every paycheck. I know you've saved your money too. We could get a place of our own, and you don't have to work here anymore. You don't need your disguise."
"I still need it. I didn't disguise myself for this job, Jimmy. I've been hiding in this disguise for years."
He gripped her hands tighter. "Lou, you don't have to be afraid when we're together. I swear it. It's safe -"
She interrupted. "No. It's not. You don't know - you're a man. And you're not afraid of anything. You don't know what it's like for someone like me. A girl, poor. Less than nothing. I count for something when folks think I'm a man. I don't know how to go back now," she said slowly, bewilderedly.
Jimmy gazed at her intently. "What if . . . what if we found someplace where no one is around? Just you and me," he said softly, snaking a hand up around the back of her neck. He leaned in and kissed her, softly. "Please, Lou. I want to live with you, just us and our family. I'm tired, Lou," he admitted.
Her eyes lit up at the picture he painted; but they faded again with doubt. "But will you be happy like that?"
"If you're there, that's all I need," he said huskily. He took a ring out and she allowed him to slip it on her finger, before they melted into each others' arms in the bright moonlight.
Ten years later.
"Kid, I've never been so far from anywhere in my born days," Samantha whined petulantly. Her face was green with the swaying of the wagon. "Please tell me Lou and Jimmy's house isn't much farther."
Kid looked back at Martha, sitting in the back of the wagon with his first two children, and then at his wife, pregnant with their third. Martha shook her head in slight warning; Kid took the hint. Though Martha had not been his greatest ally when he first followed Samantha out of Sweetwater or when they married a year later, he and Martha had gained respect and even affection for each other in the years since then.
"I'm sorry, honey," he said mildly to his wife. "I know it's hard for you in the wagon with your morning sickness. I don't think it's much farther."
"You said that an hour ago," she snapped, her lips gray and trembling. "I need to get out," she said suddenly, leaning over the side of the wagon. Kid pulled up and reached to hold her head, but she irritably pushed his hands away. "Just give me a minute," she said. "Just a minute."
As they sat there uncomfortably, a figure approached through the redwoods. A small figure, clad in men's clothes, but with a long braid down her back. She waved wildly and broke into a run, and Kid jumped down from the wagon and met her halfway, swinging her around in a bear hug. As they laughed and started talking at the same time, Samantha called, sullenly, "Don't mind me, y'all. I'll just crawl off somewhere and die alone, I guess."
Lou glanced at Kid, suppressing a smile. "I'm sorry, Samantha. I've been in your shoes myself, I know how badly you must feel. Why don't you get down and walk the rest of the way with us?"
Her eyes lighting on the children in the back, Lou gasped. "Kid, your children! They're beautiful … and so big! Can it have been that long since we've seen you?" she said regretfully.
She came around and Kid introduced "Aunt Louise" to Caleb and little Martha. Lou smiled at tiny Martha and held out her hands. "I have a little girl just your size, honey. Would you like to walk with me and your parents?" The little girl, with honey colored hair and sparkling brown eyes, grinned and went willingly to Lou's arms.
Samantha shook her head. "I think I'll lie down in the wagon, and maybe Mama can drive it on ahead," she said. "I'm sorry but I'm too queasy to walk. And you two will want to talk."
Lou and Kid walked side by side after the disappearing wagon, Lou carrying Kid's eighteen-month old baby in her arms. She thought idly how if things had been different, this little girl might have been hers; and smiled at Kid, who put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him as they walked.
"How's Jimmy doing these days? The life out here suiting the two of you?"
Lou grinned widely. "We make do."
"I'll bet you do," Kid laughed. "And the children?"
"All healthy and happy."
Kid shook his head. "Got to say, I never thought you and Wild Bill Hickok would settle down and live a quiet life out here like this."
She poked him in the side. "It won't be quiet if he hears you call him that, Kid. You know we've put our "wild" days behind us. Working the land, raising the little ones and my brother and sister, that's been all the excitement we need."
He looked at her seriously. "You know, loving you probably saved his life. He was headed down a bad path when we met him."
She scoffed, but he insisted. "It's true, Lou." He paused, looking up ahead where Samantha was walking toward Lou's ranch house with the children, Jimmy helping her up onto the porch. "And I know he's given you the freedom to live your life the way you wanted to. You're good for each other."
Lou squeezed his hand, nodding. "If we hadn't been so hard headed, I think you and I would have been good for each other too. But it did work out pretty well at that. Samantha's taught you a lot, Kid. I been reading about your work back in Washington in the papers. I'm proud of my Southern boy."
"Maybe someday things will really be equal for everybody in this country, Lou. There's a lot more work to be done for that to happen."
"That's a fact," she readily agreed.
He stopped her, and looked fondly at her as little Martha laid her head on Lou's shoulder. "You look good, Lou. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think about you from time to time." She grinned wickedly, and he blushed. "Well, not just that. I think about how we helped each other grow up, be ready for the ones we married. And how I'm glad for that, and I hope you are too."
Lou leaned over, and kissed him on the cheek. "I am. Now let's get in the house before we get in trouble out here, old friend," she said saucily, walking on ahead with a toss of her head and a wink.
THE END.
Author's Note: Many thanks to Lisa L and Mollie for their betas; to Kathleen for trying despite it all; and to Miss Raye for the info on Hopkins! Thanks Ladies!