Thou comest as the memory of a dream,
Which now is sad because it hath been sweet.
Percy Bysshe Shelley, Prometheus Unbound
(act II, sc. 1)
Kid had never been so late coming back from a run before. All the riders were concerned, but one in particular kept checking out the window of the bunkhouse, scanning the horizon for some sign. Lou didn't speak of her worries. She and Kid had gone their separate ways, and they maintained a chilly, formal cordiality in their unavoidable dealings with one another since then.
On her part, Lou had avoided Kid because of hurt pride. He had moved on first, and quickly. Lou believed that Kid's brief, but intense, romance with Samantha meant that he hadn't really cared about her. That hurt enough on its own; but combined with the fact that all the riders knew or suspected that Lou had shared a bed with Kid and apparently had been forgotten without difficulty afterwards, was an added blow to her pride. She felt that she'd been made to look a fool in the eyes of the other riders, and was determined not to show that she still cared, even now, by look or word. She refused to give the other riders any cause to pity her, or worse, laugh at her behind her back. So she had been polite and distant as she would with any stranger, in her dealings with Kid, when she could not avoid him altogether.
had been so busy protecting her wounded pride, and avoiding Kid as much as possible, that she hadn't given much thought to how he was feeling about her. He didn't say much to her either these days. She felt it keenly that she had lost even Kid's very friendship. The thousand little things that they had shared when they were "just friends" - if they ever really had been just friends - were lost to them now. Where he once shared everything with her, now he sought out the other riders or Teaspoon when he wanted to go into town for the day, or go fishing, or just talk about things. She hadn't counted on how lonely she would feel without her best friend, when she turned down his proposal.
Nonetheless, Lou had no intention of showing any worry. She remembered well how much she had berated Kid when he did the same, and winced inwardly with embarrassment at her current worry. She comforted herself that at least, none of the others could tell how upset she was at Kid's late appearance. "I'm going outside for a little fresh air," she announced.
"You do that, Lou," Rachel answered, smothering a smile. Lou put on her jacket and hat and headed out into the cold, drizzling misty outdoors.
"Yeah, it looks really nice outside, maybe we should all go down to the swimming hole and cool off," snickered Cody when the door shut behind Lou. The others chuckled too. "But Cody, don't forget the view is a lot better from the porch than it is from that window she's checked about forty times in the last hour," Buck pointed out.
Rachel smiled, then repented her own amusement. "Now boys, it isn't funny. And it is getting late, even with this weather. I'll be glad when he gets home safe myself."
"Question is, Rachel, when are those two going to stop all this tomfoolery and make up? I don't know how much longer I can take the two of them and their nonsense." The others nodded, agreeing with Jimmy's comment.
Teaspoon interjected. "Well boys, that's up to them and the rest of y'all best stay out of it." He stepped to the window to check on Louise. He saw her suddenly dart off the porch. "I'll be," Teaspoon remarked. "he must back." Teaspoon broke off suddenly. "That's Katy - with no rider," he exclaimed, throwing open the door and hurrying out.
The rain was tapering off for the moment, as the rest of the riders followed Teaspoon outside.
Katy came limping along, led by Lou. "Looks like she's picked up a stone and been down, hard," Lou said, shakily.
"Mochila's still on the saddle, but the bridle got pulled off in the fall," Teaspoon observed, pulling the pouch down and removing the few contents that were destined for the Sweetwater station. Ike, who was up next, came leading a fresh horse from the barn, and the mochila with its remaining contents was thrown over the saddle. With a sympathetic glance at Lou, galloped off toward the next relay station.
"Can't imagine Katy leaving Kid behind," Cody noted quietly. "He must be hurt pretty bad or -"
"Don't say it!" Lou snapped, turning and running toward the barn. She quickly saddled Lightening and led the stallion toward the door, planning to ride eastward along the route until she found some sign of Kid. At the stable door, Teaspoon and the others blocked her path.
"Lou, now don't go off all half-cocked. Maybe you … oughta stay here," Teaspoon paused. "It won't take all of us to go searchin'. Kid's time card was checked by the stationmaster at the Devil's Gate station, so he must'a fallen between here and there. It won't take but two or three of us to go looking, and … since we don't know what we'll find, maybe you shouldn't be one of them."
Lou looked straight at Teaspoon, instead of up from under her hat, like she usually did. "Teaspoon, that's why I have to go. Because… he could be hurt, or worse. And I need to go to him if he is." Teaspoon looked down, scratching his head. "Please, Teaspoon," she added quietly.
"All right. But I meant what I said, we all can't go. We got a station to run and fortunately there's only a short distance to cover. Lou, Jimmy, and Buck, you head out and look for 'im."
Late that night, the three returned, dejected, in pouring rain. Rachel, Teaspoon, Cody and Noah came out of the bunkhouse, where none of them had gone to bed.
"Lou, boys, what is it? What happened?" Teaspoon asked, fear in his voice. They're coming back alone … had they found only a body? But they would've come back with it, most likely - - he thought.
"We couldn't find him," Lou answered shortly. She headed into the barn. Buck and Jimmy looked after her a moment, before Buck quietly informed the others, "The rain had washed away any traces of a trail. We couldn't even figure where Katy took her fall."
Jimmy continued, "We had a devil of a time getting her to come back, even with the night coming on. She wanted to keep searching, in the dark and rain, but we finally convinced her that she'd do more good if we started fresh in the morning."
Poor thing," Rachel murmured. She knew that the pair had their troubles, but that they still cared as much as ever about each other. Now this had happened before the two could make amends. She shook her head sadly. The group wandered off.
In the barn, Lou bedded Lightening down for the night. When Jimmy and Buck came in to do the same for their horses, she didn't trust herself to turn around. "Jimmy, Buck," she said, continuing to work. "Just lead Powderkeg and Molly into their stalls. I'll bed them down for you…. I … I ain't tired just yet anyway." She was fastening the stable blanket over Lightening as she spoke, not looking in their direction.
"Lou, you're exhausted, you came in from a long run today yourself. Go on and go to bed," Jimmy told her.
Her face turned toward them then. They both were shocked at her haggard, devastated look. "Jimmy, I can't sleep. Please, I need to be by myself a while," Lou whispered, brokenly. Jimmy nodded, abruptly, closing the door on Powderkeg's stall. He motioned to Buck and the two of them headed toward the door. After Buck went out, Jimmy paused a moment, looking back at the small figure unbuckling the saddle from Powderkeg determinedly, again looking away from him. "Lou."
She inclined her head slightly toward him.
"If you need anything, you know where I am. And try to get some sleep, if you want to be able to ride after him tomorrow," Jimmy said. Lou nodded briefly, still without turning around.
She continued her work and the door swung shut behind Jimmy. She pushed herself through the work, trying to crowd out the thoughts of Kid, lying helpless in the rain somewhere, hurt or dying. He must have found shelter somewhere. Someone must have found him and taken him somewhere. We would have found … something … otherwise, she told herself, over and over. Unbidden, guilty memories rushed to her mind. We'd never made our peace. He might be dead, and his last memories of me would be of me being cold and unforgiving. I hadn't even said goodbye to him the last time I saw him.
Finally, exhaustion took over and she sank down in the clean straw, pulling an extra stable blanket over herself. She was too tired and heartsick even to cry, though she wished with all her might that she could find the release of tears.
Over the next few days, Lou and the other riders searched endlessly for some sign of the Kid, in formal searches, and when each of them rode over the same stretch of trail on their runs. There was no trace of him; it was as if he had disappeared into thin air. After three days, without any word from Kid, the riders began to accept that he wasn't returning and they might never be certain of his fate.
Lou had traded with the other riders for the last three days to stay near the station, combing the terrain between Sweetwater station and the Devil's Gate station over and over. Teaspoon, aware of the girl's heartbreak, indulged her until finally, on the fourth day, he knew he had to make her face reality.
"Louise, sweetheart," Teaspoon started. He was worried about his "girl rider", who had barely eaten or slept in several days. She looked drawn and even thinner than usual, and she hadn't the weight to spare. "I know how you feel, but that won't change nothing. There's nothing to find, you have to stop this."
She shook her head. "We mustn't be looking in the right place, Teaspoon. There has to be something, someone who knows something." She paused, and looked down. In a low tone, she concluded, "If he was dead I'd know it. I would feel it, Teaspoon. I know he's alive."
Teaspoon nodded. "All right. One more day, and then that's it, Louise, promise me."
She smiled sadly. "You know I can't promise that."
As they walked their horses out of the barn, an unfamiliar rider came pounding into the station, flinging the mochila over the fresh mount that Jimmy held for him. Instead of simply jumping on, the rider pulled a bundled garment off the back of his horse, shook it out, and flung it toward Jimmy as he swung onto the new horse.
Lou cried out, "That's Kid's coat!"
Jimmy, recognizing the jacket, gripped the strange rider's reins with one hand, and raised his pistol upward, cocked. "Before you run outta here, you tell me where you got that jacket."
"No reason to point that thing at me!" squeaked the new rider, a boy no more than fifteen. The others came running toward the pair.
"Answer the man's question, son," ordered Teaspoon. "Where'd you get that jacket?"
"Found it on a dead man in the road, halfway between Devil's Gate and Plant's station. I stopped and told the keeper at Plant's station about it.. He was going to bury him, the buzzards were circling. He was shot in the head and left for dead. Musta been robbed… nothing on him 'cept this in his jacket pocket." He held out an opened letter, addressed to the Kid at the Sweetwater station. "Figured he must be a rider out of this station. I would've come back and given it to ya, but I had to keep going to Millersville. I'm on my run back to St. Joe now. Sorry, I've lost too much time as it is - got to keep riding," the young fellow said before driving his heels into his mount and galloping off toward the next station.
Lou snatched the coat from Teaspoon's grasp and ran blindly into the bunkhouse, flinging herself on Kid's bunk, face down.
The others morosely gathered outside. "Can't believe Kid got waylaid and shot. Guess Katy picked up that stone and tossed the thief afterwards, then somehow knew to come back here?" Cody asked.
"I expect so, son. Not sure how he ended up back before the Devil's Gate station, though…" Teaspoon answered, heavily. As Marshall, it was his job to start a search for the culprit, but the odds of finding him now were next to impossible. And all he could think of was the poor girl inside. There was no sound from the bunkhouse, and a peek inside showed him that the girl was still, too shocked even for tears.
She stayed there the rest of the day, and into the evening. Not moving, not making a sound, just staring up at the bunk above her, clutching Kid's coat to her chest. None of them, even Cody, could really eat much that night.
Teaspoon pulled a chair to the table and took out some papers that he'd found in Kid's trunk.
Teaspoon unfolded the papers. "That boy was something else, again. This is his will." Teaspoon shook his head at the thought of a 17 year old making out a will, but that was the way Kid was. He laid a leather billfold on the table along with a gold pocket watch and an old leather-covered Bible, also from Kid's trunk. He started reading aloud.
I, Kid, residing at Sweetwater Station, Wyoming Territory, being of sound mind, do hereby declare this instrument to be my last will and testament.
I leave to Aloyisus Hunter, who was like the father I never had, the only thing of value my real father left me, his gold watch.
I leave to my friend Rachel Dunne, the Bible she admired that belonged to my mother.
I leave my remaining personal effects to be divided up among the riders at the Sweetwater Pony Express station as they see fit.
Finally, I leave to Lou McCloud, my horse and my savings at the Sweetwater Bank.
I herewith affix my signature to this will on this 14th day of November, 1860.
"That was only a couple weeks ago," observed Rachel.
Lou hadn't moved from her place on the bed.
Teaspoon spoke in her general direction. "Looks like the boy saved most of his pay while he was working here. It's a tidy sum." He laid the passbook on the bed next to Lou, who didn't move towards it.
The others shuffled uncomfortably. Looking at each other, they nodded in silent agreement at Ike's signs, gesturing toward Lou. Jimmy spoke for all of them.
"Lou, we'd like you to have Kid's things… figure you'd like to keep them for yourself, to remember him by."
She looked up finally, gratefully. "I… don't need much, just something that was his to keep near me…" She swallowed. "Thank you boys."
She pulled her legs over the side of the bunk, laying the blood stained coat aside, and went to Kid's trunk. Opening it, and looking over Kid's few treasured possessions, she broke down and finally began to cry, weakly at first and then more steadily.
Rachel rushed to her, putting her arms around her. Teaspoon and the boys went outside awkwardly.
"It'll do her some good to get it out," Teaspoon muttered. The rest of them stood by silent and somber, silently bidding goodbye to their friend in their thoughts.
(Three days before)
He woke up with a splitting headache, face down in the trail. He rolled over, then sat up with difficulty. The rain was beating down, and he had no idea where he was, how he got there. His vision was blurry, but he managed to make out a covered wagon approaching.
The driver pulled alongside, exclaiming, "What in thunder happened to you?"
The driver's wife looked disgusted at her husband, before hopping down from her side of the buckboard. "Don't waste time with that, Horace. Help me get him into the wagon," the kindly older woman urged him. The two of them lifted him into the back of the wagon, which then lurched off again on its way.
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When he woke again, he was in a bed, in unfamiliar surroundings. The same middle-aged woman was fussing in the corner of a comfortable room, with some bandages and instruments. At the sound of his movement in the bed, she turned with undisguised delight.
"So you're up and around!" she exclaimed. "You've been unconscious for almost a day. I wasn't holding out much hope for you, but this is a good sign!"
She approached and sat on the side of the bed, gesturing to him to lie back down.
"My name is Matilda. My husband, Dr. Wilcox, and I found you on the road, barely alive. Don't think for a minute that my husband was the one who saved your life. My husband's a good doctor…. But I'm probably the best nurse you'll ever meet. I trained as a nurse in the best hospitals in New York." She paused. "And that's not bragging…. Just stating a fact."
He blinked at her, uncomprehending.
"Well, I've introduced myself," Matilda continued briskly. "What's your name?"
"I'm….". He started to panic. He couldn't think of his name. The pain in his head was still overwhelming.
"Take it easy, son. Don't strain too hard. Do you know what the date is? The year?" she prompted. He looked more baffled than ever.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't remember anything - it hurts to try…"
Matilda patted him sympathetically. "Lie back down, I told you."
She went to the window and parted the curtains. He winced at the sunlight streaming in.
Matilda smiled. "You've had a severe head injury. I imagine that you'll start remembering things in time. You had no coat on when we found you, nothing to identify you. No horse or wagon… just lying there in the middle of the road. It's a mercy Dr. Wilcox didn't run you over."
He began to panic, searching his mind frantically for some information, anything, but he literally remembered nothing before waking up on the road to Matilda's voice.
The kindly woman continued. "Well, if you don't know your name, we'll have to call you something until we find it out, won't we? Let's see." She looked at him, wistfully, for a moment. "I had a son who'd be about your age now… he died in an accident a long time ago. He had a good friend who looked a little like you, named John. Would you like if I called you that for the time being?"
The young man nodded, hesitantly. "I don't think that's my name… I …"
"You're remembering something?"
He paused and clenched his brow, thinking hard. Just before waking he'd dreamed … no, they were more than dreams, he thought. He didn't want to get into the details with this motherly lady, but …
A pretty young woman… swimming in a pond … calling out to him to come in the water with her. She was laughing… then the two of them in the water together. Her arms around him… he could almost feel her slippery skin against his chest as they kissed. Hear her breathing, the birds squawking around the pond. Then, carrying her, wrapped around him tightly, to the pond's edge… then …
He went red as the rest of his "dream" came rushing back over him. It was so real, he couldn't believe it was just a dream…. her face … and the sensations he'd felt, entangled with her there on the edge of the pond, half in the water, were utterly vivid… as real as the feel of the bed he now sat up in.
Embarrassed at Matilda's direct gaze, and unable to recall the exact words the girl was calling to him in his memory, or dream, he muttered, "No, ma'am, I… nothing I'm sure about. Not my name or where I come from, anyway…. But…"
"What is it, John?"
He looked shamefaced. "I think… I think I'm married… I can't think of her name… but she has brown eyes and short brown hair…"
"You're on the young side to have a wife, I'd say… you don't look much older than a boy."
He reflected. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'm not sure if I remember it or dreamed it…".
"You rest now. Dr. Wilcox will be in to see you later and we've left word in town about you. You're in Deer Creek… I expect someone is looking for you."
He nodded, and reluctantly obeyed as she drew the curtains again. Sleep came easily enough, though, a sleep haunted by a nameless, wordless brown-eyed girl through the rest of the morning.
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Cody and Jimmy swung off their horses at the livery in Deer Creek. "Teaspoon said that communiqué from Washington would be ready to pick up at the bank around two o'clock. It's only noon now, we have some time to kill. What do you want to do with it?" Jimmy asked.
"Head over to the saloon, maybe?" Cody suggested.
Jimmy shrugged. "For something' to eat, but we gotta stay alert for this run, so that's it, Cody."
"Spoilsport. Just seems like it'd be nice to blow off a little steam after the last few days."
Jimmy nodded, somberly. The bunkhouse had been pretty quiet. Lou worked incessantly, ate next to nothing, and then turned in right after dinner every night since the news.
Cody eyed Jimmy. "Worrying about Lou?"
Jimmy looked irritated. "What makes you say that?"
"Just wonderin' is all, Jimmy. Fact is, if she keeps on like this, her funeral's going to be next. Nobody could get by on what she's eating and work as hard as she does for long."
"Well, you couldn't, that's for sure. But Lou's been through tough times before. She'll pull through this," Jimmy said, hoping to convince himself it was true.
After lunch and some banter with the girls at the saloon, it was getting up towards two o'clock. Cody and Jimmy went back to get their horses and ride over to the bank. A few doors down from the bank, Cody's jaw dropped. Speechless, he pawed at Jimmy's sleeve and gestured - toward a man on a horse across the street, riding up to the front of the mercantile.
"I'll be damned. It's Kid," Jimmy said, relief quickly replaced by anger. What the hell was Kid doing, running off with no word, letting Lou worry herself sick? He shook off Cody's arm, dismounted and handed the reins to Cody, before striding across the street.
"Okay, Kid, you got some explaining to do, so start talking." Jimmy yelled toward his friend as he approached. To his surprise, Kid didn't even turn toward him.
Cody caught up. "Kid, what's going on? Why didn't you come back to the station?" Again, Kid simply finished tying off his horse and pulling a paper from his pocket, before turning to go up the steps of the mercantile.
Cody and Jimmy looked at each other. Jimmy, furious, shouted after Kid, "You need somebody to teach you some manners, Kid? 'Cause I'll be glad to be the one to learn you. I asked you a question - you give us an answer!"
Kid turned, slowly, pushing his hat back and peering at them as if he'd never seen them before. Getting their first close look at him, the two saw that one side of his face was badly swollen, the eye almost shut. He looked dumbly at them for a moment, before asking, "You talking to me?"
"Well who else, Kid? What's the matter with you?" Cody responded.
Kid looked suspicious. "Why do you keep calling me a kid? Do you know who I am?"
"Yeah, you're the Kid." Cody said, exasperated.
"But what's my name?"
Cody exploded. "How should we know that? What game are you playing, Kid?"
"Because if you say you know me, why don't you know my name?" Kid demanded.
"We told you. the Kid." Cody said, slowly stretching out each word, as if talking to a small and none too bright child.
"I'm not standin' here playing games with you two all day. Doc Wilson wants this stuff brought back right away." Kid gestured toward the mercantile.
Jimmy, fed up, swiftly drew his gun and pointed it toward the Kid before Cody could engage in any more byplay. "Sorry not to oblige you, Kid, but there's a little lady back at the station who is worried half sick about you. You're going to tell me why you're doing this."
Kid, looking at the gun pointed in his face, spoke evenly. "Listen, Mister, I don't know who you are or why you're doing this. But there's no reason to get gun happy. Put that down."
"What do you mean, you don't know who I am? What the hell are you talking about, Kid?"
Cody nudged Jimmy. "Jimmy, I think he really doesn't know who we are… he seems a mite confused."
Jimmy squinted at the Kid. Sure enough, something wasn't right. "So, if you aren't the Kid, who are you?"
Kid looked confused. "Mrs. Wilson calls me John…"
Cody spoke patiently. "Who's Mrs. Wilson?"
"Doctor Wilson's wife. I'm staying with them for a while, helping out. Look, can't you put that thing down?"
Jimmy shook his head. "Not until we figure this thing out. You say she calls you John, isn't that your name?"
"No, I had an accident a few days ago and they found me. I… can't remember where I came from or my real name… or anything from before - - except - -"
"Except what?" Jimmy asked.
Kid spoke slowly. "You said there's a lady worried about me… is she about 5 feet tall, brown hair and eyes… really pretty?"
Cody nodded. "That'd be Lou. You remember her?"
Kid looked down, thinking. "The name isn't familiar, but … is she my wife?"
"No, but she was your girlfriend."
Kid seemed confused. "That can't be her, then. I was married to this girl. But where's my wife, then?"
Jimmy was getting exasperated. He put the gun down. "Look, Kid. I can see you're pretty confused. But your name is Kid. You're not married. You're from Virginia. You're a pony express rider, and you need to come back with us to the Sweetwater station to get this all straightened out. You say you're staying with a doctor and his wife?"
Kid nodded.
"Okay then. Let's go back there and have a talk with the doctor and then we'll pick up what we came here for and the three of us are heading back to Sweetwater."
Kid shook his head, firmly. "No. I'm not just riding off with you two. I don't know you, and I got robbed and left for dead by somebody. For all I know it was you two. I'm not fixing to make it easy for you to finish me off." He figured they wouldn't shoot him down in the street or they would have already. But that didn't mean he was going to go off where they could kill him without witnesses. He turned and walked away, up the steps to the mercantile, leaving them dumbfounded behind him.
Kicking the dirt in frustration, Jimmy snapped at Cody, "Let's get to the bank and see if they've got that pickup ready. We got to get back to Sweetwater and get Lou back here."
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Jimmy drove back into town with Lou, bringing a wagon in case Kid wasn't up for a long horseback ride yet. It had been decided that Lou should stop in town to buy girl's clothes for the first meeting, so as not to confuse Kid any further. After asking around a bit they got the address for Dr. Wilcox's house, and drove there. Lou was nervous the whole way with anticipation.
When they pulled up to Dr. Wilcox's house, they saw Kid stacking firewood in the yard. Lou jumped down from the buckboard and paused. She'd never been so relieved as when she heard that Kid was all right, but now she was a little shy and hesitant. She smoothed out her dress and tried to work up the courage to approach him.
At that moment, Kid glanced up. It's her. He dropped the firewood and ran toward her. She smiled and ran to the gate, waiting impatiently as he unlatched it and then stepped through, looking at her as if he could never look enough. She was a pretty picture in a pale yellow dress with white cotton lace at the throat and sleeves, and a picture hat with daisies on the brim and a wide yellow ribbon tied under her chin. He reached for her gloved hand and squeezed it, too choked with emotion to speak at first.
"Hey, Kid." Lou said gently. "I'm Louise. Do you remember me?"
Kid nodded, taking her other hand in his. "You're… all I remember, actually." They stood gazing at each other for another moment, before Kid leaned in and kissed her, softly, on the mouth, and pulled her close around her tiny waist. Though Jimmy, a short distance away on the wagon seat, could only see Kid bending under the picture hat, he looked away, amused. The picture hat dipped a moment, and Lou gently pushed him back, as Dr. Wilcox came out on the porch.
Dr. Wilcox clapped Kid on the shoulder.
"You were right, John, she's a pretty little thing. You're a lucky fella."
Kid looked pleased. "Her name is Louise. And she called me "Kid" so I guess that is my name after all."
Jimmy spoke up. "I hate to rush you, Kid, but maybe you could say your goodbyes and we could head back home now? It's a day and a half's ride by wagon."
Kid nodded. "I'll go say good bye to Mrs. Wilcox and thank her for everything." He turned and headed up the stairs and into the house.
Lou smiled after him and waved back when he paused at the door to wave to her. "Doctor, his face is still so banged up… is he really well enough to ride in the wagon for that long?"
Dr. Wilcox nodded. "Wagon's fine, some light riding if someone goes with him. No heavy riding until the swelling goes down some more, though. Keep an eye on him and have him checked by a doctor in a few more days, less if any new symptoms develop."
"Doc, why is it he remembers Lou but nothing else?" Jimmy asked.
"Couldn't tell you that, son. When the brain is injured, each case is different. Sometimes only certain very recent memories are lost; or sometimes all of them. Sometimes the victim won't remember certain facts, but can remember how to talk or ride a horse or other things. Your friend, for instance- he still can remember how to ride, groom a horse, a lot of the things he did before the accident. I think it's a good sign that he at least remembers her… mostly in dreams, it seems. But hopefully it means that his memories are still in there somewhere. They say that exposing the patient to familiar surroundings and people can help jog the memory."
Jimmy nodded. "So we should try to make him remember things?"
Dr. Wilcox shook his head. "Not exactly. Bring him home, answer his questions, but let him go at his own pace, don't force it. And his family and friends have to understand that if he treats them like strangers, well, to him they are strangers for now. Give it time. Hopefully with gradual exposure to familiar things, and when the swelling goes down more, things will improve."
Jimmy grinned. "He doesn't seem to see Lou as a stranger, that's for sure. He's a lot friendlier than he was before the accident."
Dr. Wilcox looked at him quizzically. "You're not married, then?"
Lou blushed. "No, sir. We're not even a couple any more."
Dr. Wilcox hesitated. "Well, up to a point, if you could let Kid be the one to remember that, it would probably be for the best. He's very attached to you right now, and it could be a setback for him if he finds out too suddenly that he's misunderstood your relationship."
Jimmy frowned. "You're saying Lou should pretend they're still a couple? That doesn't seem fair to either of them, does it?"
"I said within reason, of course. At least long enough to convince him to go back with you to his home. And for a few days, while he's still regaining his full strength." Dr. Wilcox suggested.
Lou looked a bit troubled, but brightened when Kid reappeared at the doorway, clutching a bundle prepared by Mrs. Wilcox.
Mrs. Wilcox came down the path to the gate along with Kid. "Now John, don't be a stranger, hear? If you're in these parts be sure to stop by and let me know how you're doing."
Kid nodded. "I'll write you when we get back. Thanks for everything, ma'am." He seemed unsure now, leaving the only two people he knew. Another glance at Lou seemed to convince him. "This is Louise, ma'am. The girl from my dreams."
Mrs. Wilcox turned to Lou. "Well, you are just as pretty as he described. You'll take good care of him, I'm sure."
Glancing at the doctor, Lou nodded. "Thank you for taking such good care of him these past days, ma'am."
"My pleasure. Now you'd all better get going. I packed enough food for all three of you for a two-day ride, and it's getting late in the day to be starting. Good luck, dear. Hope it all turns out all right."
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The three made camp that night after making decent time on the road. It had been a bizarre ride, for all three. Lou had to admit to Kid that they were never married, but Kid did not seem to even consider the possibility that they were not still a couple. Mindful of what the doctor had said, Lou refrained from volunteering that information. It was difficult and confusing to her, because their breakup had never been because of a lack of love and attraction between them. It was because they couldn't make the relationship work for other reasons. His "death" had shaken her to her core, and forced her to confront her own feelings for Kid. She would have been happy for another chance to try to make things work, but didn't want to proceed with him under false pretenses. She resolved that she would keep him at arm's length as much as possible while following the doctor's orders. But Kid wasn't making that easy. Even though he remembered little about her, he was clearly head over heels in love, at least for right now. How will he feel when he remembers everything? Samantha, all of it? she wondered, sadly.
Kid pulled his bedroll next to Lou's on one side of the fire. Jimmy placed his on the other side of the fire with his back to the couple. He felt that the doctor's advice was only going to lead to trouble, and wanted no part of any of this. He soon fell into a noisy, snoring sleep.
At the sound, Kid and Lou looked at each other and laughed. "Does he always sound like that when he sleeps?" Kid asked.
"Usually." Lou giggled. "But that bunkhouse is a pretty noisy place to be in some nights with all those boys."
Kid smiled. "Can't picture you fooling anybody as a boy." His eyes flickered over her, darkening with desire. She had hung her yellow dress in a nearby tree and was wearing only her chemise and petticoat, with a shawl hugged around her. "You're so beautiful."
Lou paled as Kid leaned over to kiss her again. She stood up. Stammering, she told him, "I … I need to go for a walk."
He stopped. "What is it, Lou?"
"Nothing, I… I'm just worried you must be tired after all this traveling. Maybe you should rest up." She turned abruptly and half-ran to the path she knew led to the stream.
"Lou," he called, as he followed her.
He caught up with her at the side of the stream, where she sat on a rock. She looked up at him. He was still so handsome in the full moonlight, even in spite of his bruised face. "Kid, the truth is that … we broke up a few weeks ago and we're just friends now. I'm sorry, the doctor wanted me not to tell you, but I don't think that's fair to either of us."
He shook his head. "I don't know about what happened between us a few weeks ago, Lou. But I know I love you."
She smiled, sadly. "Kid, you don't even know me."
"That doesn't matter. I look at you and I know I love you." Kid insisted innocently. He paused, kneeling next to her. "And I think … every time you look at me, that you still feel the same. Is that true?"
She sighed. "Kid, I never said I stopped loving you. I said that we broke up because we had problems making things work. You wanted to get married. I wasn't ready to take that step yet, for a lot of reasons. Not because I didn't love you. But then, you … you started seeing other people. So I don't know how you're going to feel about me in a few days when you start remembering things again."
Kid sat silently for a minute. "I don't know if I'll ever remember any more. Dr. Wilcox said I might not. But if I do, I don't believe I could feel any different. The memories I have of us… the feelings I have right now, they're all I know. I need you, Lou. Can't we just act on how we feel right now and cross any bridges when we come to them?"
She looked into his pleading eyes. He was so alone in the world right now… she couldn't imagine the loneliness of not even knowing yourself. Her heart melted and she allowed him to lean in and kiss her, softly at first and then more passionately.
All the feelings she'd kept bottled up since they parted ways…the love, the longing, the regret … the grief over losing him, first when she turned down his proposal, then when he moved on to Samantha, then when she thought he had died … overwhelmed her senses… she didn't protest when the kiss grew more intimate, his hands started wandering, and he gently pulled her down from her perch on the rock, to lie back on the grassy bank.
She closed her eyes and reveled in the familiarity, the comfort of holding him again. He looked down at the girl from his dreams… no matter what had happened right before his accident, he knew that he loved her and could never have stopped. The feelings he had… in his memories, right now, were too strong to have gone away. All he knew was he needed her, more than words could say. She was his whole world, in one person.
Jimmy, forgotten back at the fireside, had been startled half-awake by a loud neigh from the horses. He groggily staggered to his feet, without noticing that Lou and Kid had left, and sleepily headed toward the stream to "answer the call of nature."
On reaching the end of the path, he stopped abruptly at the sight of Kid and Lou, their clothes strewn across the ground, lying spent in each other's arms. The moon, hidden partly behind a cloud before, emerged and bathed them in light. The adoring look in their eyes as they gazed at one another, Kid brushing a damp lock of hair out of Lou's eyes, sent a strange pang to Jimmy's heart. He turned back toward camp, but sleep took a long time coming again.
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The next morning, as they were breaking camp, Jimmy and Lou found themselves alone briefly. He seemed irritable and churlish, though he didn't say anything amiss. Lou finally broached the subject.
"Jimmy, is something bothering you?"
He shook his head at first, as he stamped out the embers of the fire. Then he changed his mind. "Saw the two of you for a minute last night."
She reddened.
"You were taking Dr. Wilcox's advice a little far, weren't you?"
"Jimmy, I told Kid the truth. He knows that we were broken up right before this happened. But he … he loves me and he really needed me last night."
Jimmy snorted derisively. "So that's all it takes, is it? He says he needs you and you give him whatever he wants? What happens when he remembers and decides to jilt you again?"
She looked defeated, and Jimmy felt sorry for his harsh words.
"I know, Jimmy. Tomorrow he may decide we need to go back to how things were before again. I realize that. It's just… I never stopped loving him. And when we were waiting for word on what happened to him, and then when I thought he was dead, all I could think was that I'd give anything, anything, for one more night in his arms."
Jimmy looked down, embarrassed.
"So, maybe last night was the last night I'll share with him. But … I couldn't give up that chance I'd wished so hard for when I thought he had died. If that makes me a fool, so be it. I wouldn't go back and give up last night no matter what happens later."
She looked off in the distance, folding her dress as she spoke. She had resumed her male disguise for the rest of the ride home. "I'll always have the memory of it, anyway."
Kid came back from the stream where he'd washed the breakfast dishes, and placed them in the wagon. "We didn't forget anything, did we?" Kid asked. "Well, I mean didn't forget anything we need to take with us," he laughed.
Jimmy and Lou laughed nervously. "No, Kid, let's head out," Jimmy responded.
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The rest of the ride home seemed to take a strange toll on the Kid, who was sitting in the back of the wagon while Lou and Jimmy took turns driving. He didn't complain, but grew paler and more haggard as the ride stretched on. Lou was worried, and looked back frequently. When they were about half an hour's drive from the station, Kid's appearance suddenly worsened dramatically, startling Lou. "Jimmy, let's stop a minute."
"Kid, are you all right?" Lou asked, worried, as the wagon stopped and Kid staggered to his feet.
To her surprise, Kid could not even answer, looking at her weakly. Even his good eye was now ringed in black, his lips chalky. A moment later, leaned over the side of the wagon and became sick. "Jimmy, help me get him down to the ground," Lou cried out, but before they could, Kid toppled from the side of the wagon, landing heavily, head first, on the ground beside it.
Jimmy and Lou leaped from the wagon, and raced around to him. He was unconscious. "Do you think he fainted or got knocked out? Should we move him?" Lou asked, anxiously. Jimmy shrugged helplessly. Not knowing what else to do, they turned him over. He was out cold, and bleeding from one ear. "Looks like he hit the same side that he hurt before. That can't be good, can it?" Jimmy asked.
Lou shook her head. She reached into the wagon and retrieved a canteen. She wet a handkerchief and wiped Kid's face. They were relieved to see Kid's color return. "He sounds like he's breathing all right." Jimmy noted. "Let's get him back in the wagon and to the station."
Lou nodded. "I'll ride back here with him."
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As they pulled in to the station, Teaspoon, Buck and Ike came running out. "Where's Kid?" Teaspoon called out. The three of them drew back, dismayed, when they saw the Kid.
"I thought you said he was walking around doing fine, Jimmy? He looks like hell!" Teaspoon exclaimed. Ike and Buck exchanged glances. Kid's entire face was swollen three times its normal size on one side; and the other eye was black as coal. He was unconscious with his head in Lou's lap, but his eyes were open. One eye was listing to the side but the other was fixed and dilated. Lou was weeping openly.
"Teaspoon, he wasn't this bad last night. He seemed fine. He started getting bad on the ride today, and the swelling got worse in the last half hour," she choked.
"Get the doctor, Buck," Teaspoon ordered "Ike, help Jimmy get him inside."
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Late that night, the doctor came out of the sick room, and greeted the riders.
"He's doing much better, I'm happy to say. He's finally awake, and the swelling's way down. No sign of fever. Keep him off his feet for a few more days, though, to be safe. Funny thing, though, about his amnesia."
"What is it, Doc?"
The doctor paused, placing his hands in his pockets. "Well, it's gone, or almost anyway. He seems to have regained his memory… at least up until the time of the initial accident. He even remembers how it happened. Says he lost his coat in a bet with one of the riders at the Deer Creek station, and Katy took a tumble right after he passed the Devil's Gate station. But he remembers nothing after that, not being found, not coming here. It's a blank between his horse going down and waking up here."
Jimmy's gaze shot to Lou, whose eyes goggled. "Must be some other rider got beat up and robbed with Kid's coat on him." Jimmy figured. "Then the Wilcoxes found Kid and took him in the other direction."
"Can we see him?" Rachel asked.
"One of you … for a minute or two, he needs to rest. He asked for you, Lou, but make it quick." Lou nodded and hurried in to the house.
Lou opened the door and peeked in. Kid was lying in bed, eyes shut. She was relieved to see that he looked almost back to normal. His eyes popped back open, and at the sight of her he managed one of his bright grins. She smiled back and came in, shutting the door.
"You had us all worried, Kid," she said, pulling up a chair next to the bed.
"No need. Takes more than a fall off a horse to do me in," he answered. "How's Katy?"
She smiled patiently. "Fine, Kid."
"There's something else I was hoping to talk to you about, Lou."
She looked at him expectantly.
"Right before this happened, I was planning on talking to you about it." He shifted painfully in the bed.
"Kid, don't strain yourself too much -" she started, worried.
"It's something that needs saying. I'm hoping that you and I can … try to start over, Lou. Be friends again. I never wanted to lose your friendship. Whatever's gone wrong between us, can we try to get at least that much back?"
She fought down the wild desire to laugh, or cry. He had no idea what had happened between them last night. She didn't want to tell him… make him feel beholden to her because they'd been intimate again.
Lou looked into Kid's eyes. He dropped his eyes, shyly, looking away and waiting for her answer. She read the truth there. He still felt the same … but didn't want to rush her. She'd asked for space, and he was giving it to her. But he was still reaching out … trying to work his way back to what they had, slowly.
Maybe that was for the best. Take it slow this time, work on their friendship first. If it was meant to be - and she knew it was - they'd find their way back to each other.
She nodded. "I think we can do that, Kid."
He smiled happily, satisfied. To her alarm, he sat up and reached over toward her. "Kid, you're supposed to be resting, what are you doing?"
"Just wanted to give you a hug, okay, friend?" She nodded and put her arms around him. Suddenly, he pulled away, embarrassed. His mind might not remember last night, but other parts of him clearly did. She pretended not to notice, patted him on his good cheek, and told him to get some rest.
Closing the door after tucking him back in, she reflected on her memories of last night. She decided she didn't regret what she'd done. Those memories, hers alone, like a dream, were too sweet for sadness.
As her footsteps echoed down the hall, Kid squirmed with embarrassment about his last moments with Lou. Lucky she hadn't noticed anything… if she only knew the crazy dreams I had about her when I was sick… but those sweet dreams of the two of us together by a stream are mine alone to remember… and maybe make real again some day in due time.