Colleen Finnegan looked glumly out the back of her parents’ covered wagon. She and Ma and her five younger brothers had ridden out as far west as the train ran, and Da had picked them up at the station in the covered wagon for the interminable ride West. Her father was working the railroad, and they were going to settle here for the time being, before eventually moving on to San Francisco.
Her parents had left the west of Ireland during 1845, the first year of the Great Famine. They’d met on the boat over, married quickly, and Colleen had been born in New York City within a year afterwards. She knew nothing of the homeland her parents had fled amid starvation and privation and disease. She’d grown up in the slum of Five Points in Manhattan, in the crowded, noisy tenements, and had been heartbroken when their father decided the family would pull up stakes, leave everything she knew, and come to this strange, wild land.
Her parents could not be more thrilled to leave the City, its corruption and crime, and the filthy, crowded streets. Five Points was notorious for gangs and murders, with as many as fifteen violent deaths a night in their neighborhood alone. Her parents worried, as Colleen and her brothers grew, that they would be seduced by the gangs and violence and jumped at the chance to get out.
Then too, in New York her father had battled anti-Irish prejudices his whole adult life. It was hard for an honest person like Da to make it in Five Points, Colleen reflected. The gangs and the crooked cops ran the slum and controlled all the good jobs. Even for Five Points, they had been desperately poor because of her parents’ scruples. Da had heard things were different out West, with more opportunity for advancement for a hardworking Irishman. So far, he’d found this to be true; he’d already risen to foreman on his crew clearing land for the railroad. In Five Points, Ma had made a little extra money here and there as a midwife, training she’d started in Galway, but their poor neighbors could never pay much for her services. She planned to set up shop as a midwife in the new tent city until they moved on West again.
Kansas, while very different from the country they’d left behind years ago, was a welcome change for Mr. and Mrs. Finnegan. They recalled the green beauty of their island home whenever they looked around the open fields and reveled in the peace and quiet. But sixteen-year old Colleen looked with dismay at the open plains, “without so much as a blessed face or building to rest my eyes on” she thought dismally, and the nights in the covered wagon were terrifyingly silent compared to the raucous noise of her tenement home.
When the wagon lurched to a stop and Mr. Finnegan shouted out that they had arrived, Colleen leaned out of the wagon and cheered a bit at the sight of a sea of canvas tents stretched out before her, with people of all descriptions scurrying about. It’s not Five Points, she thought, reflecting back on the dance halls and street bustle of her home. But it’s better than the open plains. She hurried out of the wagon and helped her brothers unload the few belongings they’d brought into the tent their father had already pitched.
Mrs. Finnegan, looking up, was dismayed to see that their tent was directly opposite another being operated as a saloon. Her lips tightened. “Children, I’ll be expecting you to stay as far afield of that place as you can. Dennis, you couldn’t find a place out of the plain sight of that?”
Mr. Finnegan bristled. “I was lucky enough to get a spot, Mary. The children know how we feel about the drink, they won’t be led astray any easier here than they were in Five Points. And it’s right there were we can keep an eye on it, isn’t it?”
Mrs. Finnegan shook her head. I’d seen enough of what the drink could do to our folk back home and in Five Points, she thought. That’s why I swore it off and convinced Himself years ago to do the same. And here we are, in the middle of nowhere, smack dab across from a saloon. Likely we’ll have a lot of stocious cowboys and Indians running about raising a ruction at all hours. Lucky we’ll be moving on before too long, she sighed to herself.
“Did you arrange for the boys’ school, Dennis?”
He nodded. “A Mrs. Dunne runs it. She’s expecting the gossoons tomorrow.”
Dennis Jr., Patrick, Owen, Michael and Roddy looked downcast, and Colleen grinned. That was one benefit of being the oldest; she was done with school for good. She planned to start looking for a bit of work to keep herself busy as well.
**************************
Colleen walked her brothers to Mrs. Dunne’s little one-room school. She waited for a moment as Mrs. Dunne started the class, glancing around. The room was packed, with children two or three to a desk and many standing around the edge of the room. After a bit, she shook her head and quietly walked out. Mrs. Dunne was a beautiful woman, but Colleen had her doubts about her as a teacher, especially of all those children at once. She reflected back to the Catholic nuns who ran their neighborhood school. They’d have that class whipped into shape, literally, in no time. Well, good luck to her, God bless her, Colleen thought sympathetically, as she slowly meandered back toward the tent, keeping her eye open for any signs of a job that would suit her.
As she neared their new home, a group of drunken men spilled out of the saloon tent and into her path. One of them looked her up and down, grabbing her am, and slurred, “Well, ain’t you a sweet little thing. What’s your name, little lady?” Colleen stiffened, trying to pull her arm away. The man grew angry. “What’s the matter? I’m just trying to be friendly is all,” he sputtered, grabbing her other arm roughly. Just as she prepared to give him her patented knee to the groin, as she’d learned on the Five Points streets, a young man spun the drunkard around.
“The lady isn’t interested in talking, Horace. Get back to your tent, or I’ll run you in, understand?” the young man said calmly, but firmly. Something in his eyes, though, stilled Horace, who meekly retreated, muttering, “Fine thing when they put a badge on a half-breed and he starts getting up above himself with white folks.” The young man ignored this, turning to Colleen and tipping his hat politely. “You all right, ma’am?”
Colleen nodded, looking with interest at the young man, recalling Horace’s term “half-breed.” Her young rescuer was about eighteen or nineteen, with long black hair and finely chiseled features, almost too pretty for a man, and a gold badge pinned to his jacket. Their eyes met and she caught her breath, as something stirred deep inside her. She’d had her fair share of beaux back home, but none of them had really been more than just someone to go with to the dances in her neighborhood. She’d never felt disturbed and excited by a man before this moment. As foolish as her head knew it was, her heart told her - she was in love, as quick as that. What was that line of Marlowe’s her father had read to her so many times? Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?
**********************************
When Buck met the girl’s eyes, he too felt the spark between them. He had noticed her from a distance, of course, as every man she passed had; she had long, chestnut hair, a pretty pink-cheeked face, and a gleaming bright smile. But there was something in her sparkling blue eyes, something that stole his heart the minute they looked into his eyes and she smiled up just at him.
For a moment, the two stood foolishly in the street, staring at one another. Buck recovered first, stammering, “I’m … I’m glad you’re okay then, Miss -”
“Colleen, Colleen Finnegan,” she answered. “You’re the Marshal?”
Buck smiled. “Just a deputy, ma’am. My name’s Buck Cross,” he told her, tipping his hat again. “May I see you back safely home?”
She grinned. “It’s right there, actually,” she said, pointing to the tent across from the saloon.
The two stood silently for a moment more. “Well, then. I guess you’re okay. I should be going, then?” Buck winced inwardly at his own awkwardness.
“What’s your rush?” Colleen blurted, before blushing at her own eagerness.
Buck was pleased, however. “Well, if you’re not too busy, I’d be glad to show you around the town, Miss Finnegan.”
She put her hand lightly on the arm he offered her. “Call me Colleen,” she said, shyly, as they wandered off toward the town.
***********************************
Something, Colleen knew all too well what, prevented her from mentioning her new friend to her parents. She continued to meet Buck in town every day for weeks, but kept finding ways to avoid telling them. She got to know Buck’s friends, the McClouds, Jimmy Hickok, Mrs. Dunne. She spent hours walking through the streets of Rock Creek, sitting in the Marshal’s office beating her new beau at game after game of checkers, swinging with him on the porch swing at the station house, and getting to know and love him better every day. He was so different from anyone she had ever known, and it wasn’t because he was a Kiowa either. His kindness and gentleness was what impressed her deeply, and Colleen knew that this was the man she was meant to be with. She knew too, that her parents would never see it that way.
Buck found himself head over heels in love with this feisty Irish girl from New York City, as different from the girls he had grown up with in his village, and even in the orphanage, as could be. The only sour note in their romance was the fact that she refused to introduce him to her parents. He knew she was not ashamed of him, but she admitted that her parents would never approve of their romance. That worried him. He already loved her, and already felt bad that she might someday have to choose between him and her family.
One day, he took her for a ride out of town, clinging behind him on his horse since she’d never learned to ride. She trembled with excitement and a little fear but was thrilled to be holding on to him and free of the dusty town. They found themselves in a wooded thicket a few miles from town by a stream. Jumping down, Buck helped her off their horse. Hand in hand, they went to stand at the side of the stream. Colleen leaned up against the trunk of an old tree, as Buck bent to pluck a flower for her hair. Leaning up against her, he pulled her close for a lingering kiss.
Colleen slipped her arms around his neck, letting his silky black hair run through her fingers. Her heart pounded in her chest as Buck pressed close against her, and his hands traveled from her back around to the front of her bodice. She abruptly pushed him away, panting. “I… I’m sorry, Buck. I didn’t mean to lead you on. But we have to stop now. I want to go home.”
Adjusting the few buttons Buck had reached at her neck, she started rushing back to the horse. Buck caught her and turned her gently. “I’m sorry, honey. If you want to stop, of course we will. You don’t have to run away.”
Colleen’s eyes were wet as she whispered, “That’s the problem. I don’t want to stop, but I have to, and if we start I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”
Buck looked at her questioningly. “But what would be so bad about that? If we love each other and want to -”
She looked sadly at him. Colleen knew that the Kiowa people did not consider it a sin to sleep together before marriage, and that this was the first of many differences in beliefs they would have to surmount. “You went to Catholic school at the orphanage, Buck. You know what the answer to that is. I can’t. It’s a sin, a mortal sin. No matter how I love you,” she gently told him.
As Buck nodded slowly, Colleen bit her trembling lip and broached the subject. “Buck, I - I’m Catholic. My people have suffered and died for hundreds years for their religion. There’s nothing more important to me, to my parents. I believe in it with all my soul. Can you understand and respect that? Or will it keep us from having a future?”
Buck looked down into her searching, pleading eyes. “From what you told me, our two peoples have a lot in common. I have beliefs too, Colleen, and they’re just as important to me as yours are to you. Do you think we can agree to respect each other’s beliefs?”
Colleen nodded. “But we have to talk, a lot, about what that means in practice, Buck. What if we were to get married, have children? We’d have to agree up front about how to go about things with them. Under my religion, I have to be married by a priest; I have to raise my children to be Catholics. How will you feel about that? I know it’s early to be talking about that, but better now than later, don‘t you think?”
“It isn’t too early to talk about it,” Buck said, pressing his lips to her hand and stroking the side of her face. “If that’s important to you, I can live with it and support it. But could you support my teaching our children about my Kiowa beliefs too?”
She nodded, lost suddenly in the depths of his black eyes. “Will you marry me, then, Colleen?” Buck whispered, bending onto one knee. To Colleen’s amazement, he pulled a ring from a pocket and slipped it on her finger, as she nodded “yes”, too choked with emotion to speak.
*************************
Buck and Colleen told the good news at Rachel’s dinner table that night. Teaspoon and Rachel beamed with happiness for the young couple. Visiting that night, Lou and Kid smiled at each other fondly, remembering their own engagement. They were expecting their first baby any day, though it had only been six months since their own wedding.
“Lou, I was hoping you’d stand up for me when the time comes,” Colleen asked her new friend. Lou hugged the younger girl, agreeing, “As soon as I’m up and around, I’ll be thrilled to.”
“Oh, it won’t be for a while, Lou. There’s plenty of time,” Colleen said hurriedly.
Rachel looked curiously at Buck and Colleen. “Haven’t you set a date, then?”
Colleen shook her head uncomfortably. “The thing is, I … I haven’t told my parents about Buck yet. I’ve been meaning to, but the time hasn’t been right yet.”
“Don’t you think that before you got engaged might have been the right time to tell them?” Jimmy asked.
Placing his arm around Colleen, Buck started to leap to her defense. Colleen, however, looked full at Jimmy and said, “Yes, Jimmy, you’re right. I was a coward to put it off. I was afraid they’d do something to keep me from seeing Buck, send me back to New York, something, and I didn’t want to risk it. But I’ll tell them tomorrow.”
She turned to Buck. “If you’ll come with me, that is.” He nodded at her proudly, and leaned in for a kiss.
*********************************
After dinner, Buck and Colleen went for a long walk behind the house. Inside, Lou was helping Rachel with the dishes when she dropped a plate with a cry, clutching at her belly.
“Lou?” Kid leapt to his wife’s side. Looking down, he was shocked to see her shoes and the floor were wet - her water had broken suddenly. Frantic, Kid seemed almost literally to be running in three directions at once- - slamming against an almost equally frantic Jimmy and Teaspoon in his frenzy. Only Rachel and Lou appeared to remain calm. “Kid!” Rachel demanded, in her best schoolma’am voice. “Go get Dr. Dixon, now.”
Kid, pale, nodded and rushed to the door, pulling it into his own face in his haste to get out as quickly as possible. Rubbing his sore head, he raced toward town.
After about half an hour, Kid came running up the steps with Mrs. Finnegan behind him. “Dr. Dixon wasn’t able to come - he told me to get Mrs. Finnegan,” Kid said. As Mrs. Finnegan went up the stairs to where Lou had laid down, with a still panicked Kid in pursuit, Rachel murmured to Jimmy, “That’s Colleen’s mother, isn’t it? We’d better warn Buck and Colleen.”
As Rachel headed out to look for Buck and Colleen, Mrs. Finnegan glanced out the window of Lou’s room - and saw her daughter in the arms of what looked like an Indian brave dressed in white man’s clothes, locked in a passionate kiss.
*****************
Lou and Kid’s baby boy came quickly and safely under Mrs. Finnegan’s skillful care. As she left the happy couple with their little one, Mrs. Finnegan headed sadly and heavily down the stairs again.
As she walked out, she caught a glimpse of the young Indian walking toward the barn. Impulsively, she ran and caught up with him.
“I’m Mrs. Finnegan,” she started. “Colleen’s mother. I know we haven’t been formally introduced. But I think it’s time we met, don’t you?”
Buck nervously answered, “I’m Buck Cross, Mrs. Finnegan. Yes, you’re right, ma’am. But I think Colleen and I should speak with you and your husband together.”
Mrs. Finnegan nodded. “The sooner the better, I’d say.”
************************
As the two entered the Finnegan tent, the five noisy Finnegan boys fell silent. All five had known their sister’s secret since the beginning and kept it faithfully. But now the fat was in the fire, they knew. They were grateful that their presence was not required, as they were ordered out of the tent. With any luck, their parents wouldn’t find out they’d known all along, they thought.
In the Finnegans’ tent, Buck took Colleen’s arm protectively. “Mr. and Mrs. Finnegan, I guess the best way is to come right out with this. I love your daughter, and I’ve asked her to marry me. She’s done me the honor of saying yes. I hope we can have your blessing. I promise I’ll take good care of her.”
Mr. and Mrs. Finnegan stood silently regarding Buck and Colleen. Colleen despaired. Not the silent treatment, she thought. Anything but that.
After a few moments, Mrs. Finnegan spoke. “I suppose it’s no hope asking if you’re a Catholic, Buck?”
“He isn’t, Ma, but -”
“But nothing Colleen. It’s bad enough you’re marrying outside your kind. But outside your faith, that I can’t condone,” her father interrupted.
“Colleen, you must see that this can’t work out. You two have nothing in common. Life’s hard, macushla, even when you have everything in common, the same values, beliefs, ideals. What chance do you have if you don’t even have that much to start with?” Mrs. Finnegan reasoned.
“We love each other. That’s enough,” said Colleen firmly. “I don’t want to choose between you. Please don’t make me, Ma.”
Mr. Finnegan spoke up. “I’m sorry, Colleen. The answer’s no. Maybe you’re a decent enough fellow, Cross, though I have my doubts since you encouraged Colleen to sneak behind our backs.”
“He didn’t, Da! That was my fault-” Colleen interrupted, passionately.
Mr. Finnegan continued without acknowledging Colleen‘s outburst. “But I don’t want this for my daughter. She can’t get married without our consent at 16, and we won’t give it.”
Colleen faced her father angrily. “You know as well as anyone what it’s like to be a second-class citizen, Da. Now I find out you’re no different from the Orangemen back in Ireland or the Nativists in New York. You’re doing the same thing to Buck that was done to you, and it’s wrong-”
“That’s different, Colleen.”
She shouted now, angrily. “It isn’t, Da. And you can keep me from marrying, but you can’t make me stay here. I’ll run away with him -“ she cried, desperately.
Colleen’s mother paled at that. But Mr. Finnegan became angrier. “Don’t be a jennet, Colleen,” he snapped. “You’re nothing but a child, and you’ll do as your father tells you, by God.”
Colleen’s mother spoke more softly. “Colleen, darlin, think about what you’re saying. You’d really turn your back on your Church, your family, for this man?”
Buck bit his lip. He wanted to say something, anything, to change their minds. The last thing he wanted was to tear Colleen away from everything that mattered to her. But he knew there was nothing he could say that would change the circumstances in her parents’ eyes. Painfully, he spoke.
“Colleen, your parents are right.”
She whirled towards him. “Buck, what are you saying?”
He looked sadly at her. “You’re giving up too much. I can’t ask it of you. I love you too much for that.” Buck bent and kissed a shocked Colleen on the cheek, before walking out of the tent and out of her life.
************************************
Over the next weeks, Colleen’s broken heart refused to mend. She never complained, but all the sparkle and life went from her once dancing blue eyes. Her father had hoped that, at sixteen, Colleen would forget and move on quickly. But soon he realized that his little girl was crushed, and worse, that he had crushed her.
Mr. Finnegan began asking questions in the neighboring tents and in town about Buck, weighing the responses. Uniformly, the answer came back. Buck was a decent, upstanding member of the town, a trusted deputy to the marshal, a loyal friend.
Colleen’s words, about how he was no better than the Orangemen and Nativists who’d always tried to keep him in his “place”, rang in her father’s ears. Again and again, he recalled the signs and ads he’d hated so back East and had moved here to avoid. “No Irish Need Apply”. She was right, he thought; there was no difference.
Finally, it was time for the Finnegans to move on West with the railroad. Mr. Finnegan went to his wife, who was hanging out the laundry by the tent, and told her. “Mary, I’ve been asking around about that young brave of Colleen‘s. All told, he sounds like a decent fellow. And the girl’s making herself sick over him.”
“But Dennis, she’s so young - and they’ve known each other only a few months. I just don’t know,” she said, worried, through the clothespins in her mouth.
Mr. Finnegan pulled his still beautiful wife to him by the apron, and hugged her, eyes twinkling. “Sure and weren’t you and I the same age she was when I saw you on the boat over here? And didn’t you agree to marry me before the ship landed? And haven’t we been happy as two pigs in you know what, together ever since? After all, as Marlowe says- -”
His wife pulled away. “Stop your gob about that everlasting Christopher Marlowe, you eejit,” she said, a smile curling her mouth in spite of herself as her husband pulled her back again for a kiss on the back of her neck.
“Maybe in a new place, out West, she’ll be able to forget and care for someone else,” Mrs. Finnegan said, as her husband hooked his chin over her shoulder and laced his fingers around her waist from behind.
“No she won’t, Mary.”
“No. She won’t,” Mrs. Finnegan admitted, slowly, placing the last clothespin and turning to face her husband. “What are we going to do about it?”
“We’re going to see her married by a priest, move on West, and leave her here with him. That’s what.”
Mrs. Finnegan sighed, twisting her hands in her apron, before nodding her agreement.
**********************
Colleen sadly trudged back home from her job at the laundry tent. She knew her parents were planning to move West soon, and she would never see Buck again. Now, she at least could see him occasionally as he patrolled the town. That was not much, but it was better than nothing. She did not know how she would bear it when she had to leave Rock Creek forever.
As she pulled back the flap that served as the door to her family’s tent, she was startled to see Buck standing in the center of the tent, shaking her father’s hand.
“Da - what’s going on? What’s Buck doing here?” she asked, confused.
“He’s here accepting my apologies, Colleen. Your mother and I see now you really do care for each other. We, well, I suppose we forgot a bit what it’s like to be young and in love. Though in our defense, the two of you caught us off guard, keeping secrets like you did. But now, we’ve thought on it, and we’re willing to give our consent, so long as you marry in the Church, understand?” her father answered, softly. “Your mother sent to St. Joe for a priest this morning.”
Buck’s eyes were shining as he watched Colleen’s face light up with happiness. “Thank you, sir,” he said to her father, as he reached for Colleen’s hands.
“Don’t be thankin’ me, son. Just take good care of our girl, and that’ll be more than thanks enough for her Ma and me.”
**********************
A few weeks later, Colleen was a radiant bride, standing with Buck before their assembled family and friends. After the priest pronounced the couple were man and wife, the Kiowa spirit leader stepped forward, covering Colleen with one blue blanket, and Buck with another. The two walked with their relatives outside to a sacred fire circle where the spirit leader blessed them. Each dropped their blue blankets and were wrapped together by their family in a single white wedding blanket, where they shared their first kiss as man and wife.
Her mother looked on crying as she remembered her girl’s birth; though it was sixteen years before, it seemed like yesterday. She and her husband clutched each other’s hands, drinking in the sight of their daughter’s perfect happiness.