U.S. Deputy Marshal James Butler Hickok picked his way through the maze of tents that surrounded Rock Creek, making his way toward the small farm and horse ranch owned by his best friends, Kid and Lou McCloud. Though the ranch had originally been a decent ways outside town, the tents had expanded to the very gates of the ranch. Jimmy passed through the gate to the ranch and down the path to the ranch house set a hundred feet away from it. As he approached, he heard Lou's voice.
"Will you stay still for five minutes, please?" she was saying.
"It's been a lot longer than five minutes," came Kid's voice.
"The longer you take to hold still the longer it'll take me to finish," Lou chided.
Jimmy curiously rounded the corner to the side porch, where the newlyweds' voices were coming from. He grinned at the sight of Lou intently performing one of her wifely duties for the Kid.
Kid was sitting on a chair with an old sheet draped over him; Lou was standing behind him, scissors and comb in hand, biting her lip in concentration as she attempted to cut his hair. "Is it my fault your hair is so impossible to cut?" she asked. "You look like the last remaining wild buffalo in the West with this mess up here."
"You love it," Kid responded tranquilly.
"Yeah, I love mowing this haystack every two weeks," Lou muttered. "I only wish my hair would grow in this fast." Snipping industriously, she said, "I'll get the hang of this one of these days."
"Hey! You're cutting a little close, aren't you?"
Lou chuckled. "Finished, finally. Now Kid, I have to cut it a little short. I can't have my husband's hair longer than mine anymore. It's hard enough being the only woman in town whose husband is prettier than she is - -"
Kid's hand reached up and caught hers, pulling her forward slightly and kissing her wrist tenderly. "That's impossible. Nobody could be prettier than you," he said softly. "Not even me," he ended mischievously, taking the scissors from her hand and drawing her to sit on his lap.
Aware where this was probably leading, Jimmy cleared his throat loudly. Lou started to get up, but Jimmy waved his gloved hand. "No need to get up, ma'am. I think you missed a patch on him over on this side, though," he commented as he mounted the steps and took a seat on another chair.
Lou retrieved her scissors and stood to survey her work, snipping a little more where Jimmy indicated. As she did, Jimmy noticed, as he had for a few weeks now, that Lou had taken to wearing a large flowered apron over her dress, and that her tiny frame was swollen in just one place - her belly. "How's that look?" she asked Jimmy critically.
"He's beautiful, Lou. You're a miracle-worker."
Lou threw the small towel she had draped over the chair at Jimmy. "Yes, he is beautiful," she said affectionately, kissing her husband on the top of his head. "Hang on, you two, I've got some coffee brewing inside. I'll get you both some, how's that sound?"
"Need any help?" Kid asked, a little anxiously.
She shook her head, "No, thanks, I got it." Lou disappeared into the house.
Jimmy turned to Kid, who was pulling off the old sheet and folding it up. "So Kid… anything new around here?"
"Not that I can think of, Jimmy. How about you?"
Jimmy looked impatient. "Come on, Kid. How long are you two going to keep all of us in suspense? When's Lou expecting that baby?"
Kid sighed and rubbed his newly shorn head. "Jimmy, can you just play along and pretend you can't see it? She really thinks she has everybody fooled. Let her have her way, okay?"
"But Kid, it's obvious. She must be a good five months along if she's a day. How can she think that apron is covering it?"
"Probably the same way she thought that glasses and a pair of pants could cover the fact she was a girl up to a few months ago. Seems she didn't fool too many people with that disguise either, remember? Everybody had it figured it out - - Emma, Rachel, Elias, Jesse, Tompkins - - "
Jimmy nodded, "Yeah, that's true, at least after the first couple months for sure. She had us fooled at the beginning, but later her assets were harder to hide, I reckon."
Kid shot Jimmy a look. "Since you're like a brother to Lou I'll overlook that, but let's stay off the topic of my wife's assets from here out, okay?"
Jimmy laughed, "All right, Kid. But getting back to the little Kid she has in the oven. What's the big secret? Everything's okay isn't it?" he asked, suddenly worried.
"Everything's fine, Jimmy. She's just a little embarrassed is all. We've only been married a little over three months, and … and she's nearly six months along," Kid said sheepishly.
"So what?" Jimmy demanded. "You're married now, so what difference does that make? Half the firstborns in town were 'early' if you get down to brass tacks about it. I'm surprised at Lou for worrying what folks think anyway."
"Just play along, will you, Jimmy? She seems to think it's important."
"Now wait a minute, though, Kid, now you've got me doing the math," Jimmy mused. "Weren't you two broken up six months ago?"
Kid turned red. "We got together for a short time after we got back from taking Elias to his hanging."
"I don't remember that."
"It was only for about a half hour," Kid admitted. "Long enough, I guess."
"Okay, spill the details cowboy."
"Nothin' to tell, Jimmy. We had a knock down, drag out fight over some silly thing I can't even remember now. I guess things got a little heated. One thing led to another." Kid thought uncomfortably that he would rather be dragged over hot coals than admit the fight started when Lou confessed that she and Jimmy had shared a kiss on the way to Elias' hanging. He had been terribly hurt and furious; Lou had lashed out at him that he was the one who suggested they go back to being just friends, so he had no right to be jealous. Their anger at one another turned into unbridled, passionate lovemaking right on top of the bunkhouse table, before either of them knew what was happening. That morning's interlude had been the beginning of their finally admitting their feelings for each other were as strong as ever. It also had been the beginning of the child that was now growing inside his wife.
"We got back together officially about a month later. Got engaged less than a month after that. We decided to wait to start doing - that - again until we were married. And we did wait, too, all the way until the wedding," Kid resumed. "That wasn't easy, believe me."
"That explains that short engagement, I reckon. A little like closing the barn door after the animals had already escaped, though, wasn't it?" Jimmy grinned, tilting his chair back on two legs.
"I guess so. But we didn't know that at the time. Lou, she's always been a little … unpredictable … in her …you know, her monthly … you know." Kid reddened again. "We didn't know she was expecting until she started getting sick and she went to see Dr. Dixon about two weeks after we were married. She was real upset, since she had been riding for the Express and we went after those folks who killed Noah, and all the time she was pregnant and didn't know it. Luckily, Dr. Dixon says no harm done, everything is just fine with her and the baby." Kid leaned back against the wall in his chair as well, surveying his ranch. "I was kind of expecting a little more time with just me and Lou, but we're really happy about the baby. Happy to be starting our own family."
In the contemplative silence that followed, Lou walked out with the coffee. "Sorry it took so long," she started. "Wanted to get the buns in the oven before Jeremiah and Theresa got home. What were you two talking about out here?"
"Man talk, you wouldn't understand," Kid said airily.
"I wouldn't, hm?" Lou grinned. She handed a cup to Jimmy, who had managed to smother his laugh at Lou's comment about putting buns in the oven. Now he hid his grin behind the coffee cup, watching Lou unconsciously rub her belly with her free hand as she settled down onto Kid's lap again with a slight sigh.
"So what brings you out here to see us today?" Lou asked. "Not that you need a reason, ever."
"I came out to tell you there's a circus coming to town. The big tent is setting up outside the town limits, right near the tent city. I'm heading over there this afternoon to say hello, let them know who the law is in town, and I figured I might pick up some tickets for opening night for the four of you if you're interested in joining me and Rosemary."
Lou's eyes sparkled. "Sure, Jimmy, I know Jeremiah and Theresa would be thrilled to go." Kid looked a little dubious, and Lou tapped him on the head. "Yes, Jimmy, why don't you do that," Kid added. He was trying to be pleasant about Jimmy's continuing involvement with Rosemary Burke, but was finding it difficult. He agreed with Rosemary's convictions that slavery was wrong, but disagreed with her methods of effecting change. Those methods had cost Noah's life, and deep down, Kid couldn't help resenting and blaming Rosemary for the loss of their friend. But he and Lou had agreed that if Jimmy insisted on seeing Rosemary, they needed to be gracious about it so as not to lose Jimmy's friendship.
Jimmy nodded, jumping up. "Thanks for the coffee, Lou. I'll head over there and see what I can find out."
As Jimmy wandered toward the circus, he took note that Jake Killen was wandering, drunk as usual, looking for his own tent. Jimmy's hand dropped to rest lightly on one of his Colts, in readiness if need be. One of Jake's eyes had been shot out in during a robbery attempt a while back, but it hadn't tamed Jake's trouble-making in the slightest. The bitter, hot-headed young man was still as full of spit and vinegar as ever, always itching for a fight, as the deputies had learned time and time again. Fortunately today Jake simply staggered into his own tent near the entrance to the big top. Craning his neck to peer into the tent, Jimmy was assured that Jake was down for the count and would keep out of trouble for a few hours at least. Shaking his head, Jimmy continued toward the big circus tent, where the large banner read "William Lake Circus".
Jimmy approached the box office, stopping short and catching his breath at the sight of the woman standing at the ticket booth busily writing. She was tall, slender, and beautiful, with long dark hair gathered in a plait at her nape, dressed in a smart black riding habit with a crop stuck under her arm as she swiftly ran her pencil down a row of figures. Sensing him staring at her, she raised her long-lashed, violet eyes to his.
Jimmy found that he couldn't look away from that gaze. The two of them stood transfixed for a long moment, before the woman abruptly blushed and glanced around, guiltily. Jimmy advanced toward the booth, tipping his hat. "Morning, ma'am," he ventured. He saw that she had removed her riding gloves while writing, and that she had a wedding ring on her left hand. For some reason, the sight sent deep disappointment shooting through his heart; he shook it off, feeling foolish and a little guilty, thinking of Rosemary.
The woman nodded back and answered him in slightly French-accented musical tones, "Good morning, Deputy. I am Mrs. Agnes Lake… my husband and I are the owners of this circus. Is … is there anything I can do for you?"
Jimmy awkwardly cleared his throat. No sense denying it… he was attracted by this woman, married or not. He tended to fall in love fast and with the wrong women, he knew… but there was something different about Mrs. Lake. Like he knew her already, like she was the other half of himself he hadn't known he was missing until now. He dismissed the ridiculous thought, and continued with the business he had come there for. "Well, ma'am, some of us deputies were hoping to go to the show tonight, and I was looking to buy twelve tickets for us."
She smiled graciously and reached under the counter. "No need for that, deputy. You and the deputies will be our guests of course, and you're more than welcome to come backstage afterwards, that's customary in all the towns we perform in." Mrs. Lake counted out twelve tickets and extended her hand across the booth to the young lawman. As he took them from her, their hands brushed, sending a shiver down Jimmy's spine.
Mrs. Lake drew back quickly, hurriedly putting on her riding gloves.
"Thank you, ma'am."
"You are most welcome, Deputy…" she paused.
"Jimmy Hickok," he supplied, tipping his hat again.
The young Mrs. Lake paused, hesitantly. "You can stay and look around at your pleasure, Deputy Hickok. We're completely above board in this operation, you can rest assured. I can show you around a bit before I have to rehearse, if you wish it."
He couldn't resist taking her up on her invitation. He nodded, "I'd like that ma'am, if it's no trouble."
As they walked back into the big tent, he asked, "So you are a performer too?"
She nodded, twisting her riding crop in her hands. "I do a riding act, and the slack-wire," she said simply, walking alongside him. Jimmy remembered briefly now that her name was familiar; he had read in newspaper accounts of the William Lake Circus that the star performer, Agnes Lake, was considered the finest slack-wire walker in the world. She had performed all over Europe and the United States. She was also an expert equestrienne and dressage master, he recalled.
Mrs. Lake showed him around the circus tent, pointing out the circus animals and introducing him to the clowns, acrobats, and other performers who were milling about the tent practicing bits of their acts. The ringleader, seeing them, waved and headed their way.
"And this is our manager, Frederick Bailey," she introduced, as the handsome young man approached with hand outstretched. She seemed strangely awkward suddenly, and fell silent. Jimmy noted that she had quietly slipped her hand into the nearby lion's cage and was stroking the lion's mane with no sign of fear. "Fred, this is Deputy Marshal Hickok. He and the other deputy marshals will be our guests of honor tonight. I'm showing him around a bit."
"It's a pleasure, Hickok," Fred boomed, shaking Jimmy's hand vigorously. "I can take over the tour from here, Agnes. You need to rehearse, don't you?"
Jimmy thought there was a hint of reluctance in Agnes' face when she nodded, but it was so brief he decided perhaps it was wishful thinking on his part. "Nice meeting you, Deputy," she said.
"You too, ma'am."
Fred tapped Jimmy on the arm lightly. "You'll want to watch Mrs. Lake do her act, Hickok. She's the best trick rider I've ever seen, trained our show horses herself … and that's nothing compared to her high-wire act. They don't call her Queen of the High Wire for nothing, but you'll see that part of her act tonight. Take a look," he gestured toward the entrance to the tent.
Without warning, Agnes burst through the entrance, barreling past on a large white gelding at breakneck speed. She was motionless on her mount's back, but the enormous horse seemed to know precisely what his rider was commanding him to do. The animal raced at full tilt into the center ring, where he blazed around in circles twice before halting suddenly and without any apparent movement from the woman on his back, in the dead center of the ring. Jimmy watched transfixed as without any visible movement of her hands or legs, she put the animal through paces he'd never seen. She somehow commanded her horse to turn in a pirouette in place from the canter; to travel diagonally across the ring stepping his feet over each other sideways and forward; to trot in place. Finally, she sent him high-jumping over obstacles and through rings, before ending with another breakneck trip around the arena, rearing and waving to the imaginary crowd, and tearing at full tilt out of the ring and tent.
Astonished at her skill, Jimmy gaped after her a moment. Noticing Fred's amused look, Jimmy gruffly said, "Well I expect you have a lot to do to get ready for opening night, Fred, I won't keep you," shaking Fred's hand.
"Our pleasure, Deputy. We're looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the deputies in the audience tonight."
Jimmy nodded. As he left hurriedly, he bumped full tilt into Agnes, who was returning to the ring with a school-aged little girl in tow. The beautiful child was a smaller copy of her mother. Jimmy grinned down at the child, and knelt to say hello. She shyly smiled back at him.
Jimmy rose and tipped his hat a final time to Agnes. "I guess I'll be seeing you tonight ma'am. Thanks for showing me around. That was quite a show you put on in there."
"Mama has six acts in the show, mister, you should see her high wire act, it - -"
Agnes hushed the child gently. "Mr. Hickok will see the show for himself tonight, Emma. Let him be surprised," she smiled down at her little girl. "I'll see you and your friends tonight, Deputy," she said cordially. Their eyes locked again and Agnes tore herself away awkwardly, tugging gently at her daughter's hand. Jimmy, fascinated, watched her until she was out of sight.
"A circus? James, I don't have time for anything so frivolous," Rosemary said, as she looked up from the papers she was busily working on. "I have to get this abolition tract to the printers by the end of the week."
Jimmy sighed. "Rosemary, you've been working on that for weeks. Isn't it close to done so you can take a little break, have some fun?"
Rosemary answered irritably, without looking up again, "I want it to be perfect, James. And now that Isaiah isn't here to edit it for me, I have to go over it with a fine tooth comb myself."
Jimmy noted the unspoken comparison between himself and her first husband, a man of learning, with irritation. Rosemary had never even asked Jimmy to look at her work, let alone give his thoughts on it, probably because she knew he had only recently even learned to read. He knew that he wasn't as educated as Isaiah or Rosemary, but he wished she respected him enough to at least include him in some way in her work.
Maybe she doesn't think I'm interested, he reasoned. Jimmy ventured, "Well, how about I take a look at what you have so far? I'd like to see what you've been working on all this time."
His suspicion that she didn't respect his opinion was only confirmed when she smiled briefly and shook her head. "I don't have time to go through it with you now, James. I'll get you a copy when it comes back from the printer. You run along to the circus, now, and give my best to your friends."
Jimmy scowled. He wasn't used to being dismissed, and certainly didn't appreciate it coming from his woman. "Have it your way," he muttered and stalked to the door.
When he had his hand on the doorknob, she called out, "But be sure to stop by tonight, James. I'll leave a light on for you." Jimmy knew what that meant. He was good enough for a late night "servicing", but not much more, it seemed. Unreasonably annoyed, he slammed the door shut behind him without answering her.
As Jimmy headed back toward the circus tent to meet his friends, he darkly wondered what it was that Rosemary even saw in him. He was the opposite of her first husband, that was for sure. Maybe … maybe she only wanted him as a diversion, not in a serious way, not as an equal. The thought rankled him.
As he was brooding, Jimmy saw his friends approaching. Cody was so excited he was almost bursting with it; he loved theatrics and spectacles and showmanship. He had brought along a dark eyed, dark haired young woman to see the show, who he introduced as Tsura. Jimmy had seen the beautiful young girl coming and going from a tent where her family had settled; he recalled that the family's mother was operating a fortune telling business from their tent while the father sold tinware from the back of their decorated wagon. Buck led forward a spunky girl from New York named Colleen. Kid and Lou trotted along with her brother and sister, and Teaspoon and Rachel were heading his way arm in arm. Since the Express had ended and all of them had jobs keeping them in town on a regular basis, the former riders had all paired off with steady girls. But as usual, Jimmy was the odd man out tonight; and he reflected that even when Rosemary found time to spend with them, she could never seem to fit in with his friends.
"Rosemary coming along soon, Jimmy? Show's about to start, ain't it?" Teaspoon remarked, glancing at his pocket watch.
"She can't make it tonight," Jimmy said. He couldn't help noticing the looks of relief that played briefly across Kid's and Cody's faces. "Come on, let's get inside," he said gruffly.
When the party appeared at the entrance to the tent, the ticket taker immediately noticed their badges. "Mrs. Lake said to make sure you come backstage, Deputies, Marshal. It's tradition for our circus to invite the law backstage at all our stops."
Another worker came forward at the ticket taker's beckoning, and guided them back behind the curtains to a medium sized trailer beside the big tent. At the worker's knock, the door opened and a handsome man in a suit stood in the doorway. The deputies and Teaspoon were introduced.
"It's a pleasure to meet all of you. I'm Bill Lake… my wife Agnes and I run this little operation."
As he spoke, Agnes appeared in the doorway. Jimmy caught his breath at the sight of her in a light blue, elaborately beaded costume that clung to her like a second skin, and a headdress of pale blue feathers. She smiled, as her husband introduced her to each in turn. "Sorry to cut this short," she said pleasantly. "But you'd better get to your seats. The show is set to start in only a few minutes."
As they walked back to the front-row seats that had been reserved for them, Lou looked at Jimmy sharply. Something in Jimmy's face alerted her that her good friend was falling for this married woman. Lou hoped she was wrong; Jimmy had been hurt enough times in love without that kind of heartache, she sighed to herself.
The show was nothing short of spectacular. All the riders, especially Jimmy, were impressed with Agnes' riding act, a combination of show jumping, dressage, and circus trick riding, particularly when Jimmy enthused that Agnes had trained the horse to perform his act herself. Toward the end of the show, Kid and Cody noticed that Jake Killen was staggering down the aisle, with a burly circus worker in pursuit.
Jimmy's eyes were transfixed on the center ring, where Agnes, in another brightly colored, beaded outfit, was mounting a wire suspended between two posts and allowed to sag almost to the ground. To the crowd's amazement, she walked the wire and performed stunts, including performing turns and flips, juggling knives and torches, all while maintaining her balance on the slack wire, which swung in an arc of up to fifteen feet. As her routine continued, she entranced the crowd as she gracefully balanced on ladders and boards all while continuing to juggle objects both behind her back and in front of her; at the climax of her act, she began to push a wheelbarrow up the slack wire in front of her.
Cody and Kid had left their seats to help the circus workers eject a rowdy Jake Killen, who had entered without paying admission. As Kid and Cody approached cautiously, flashing their badges, Killen yanked free of the worker's grasp and headed toward the exit. Cody and Kid followed at a slight distance to be sure he left and returned to his tent. As he reached the exit, he noticed Bill Lake standing at the entrance watching the show. Furious that the man had sent his employee to eject him, Killen pulled a gun from an inside coat pocket and fired point blank at Lake, dropping him where he stood in a fountain of blood. Cody and Kid rushed forward and wrestled the drunken Killen to the ground.
In the center ring, Agnes heard the gunshot and saw her husband fall. She dropped the wheelbarrow, which clanged to the ground below, and slid down the slack wire to dismount and run toward her husband, Jimmy close behind her. Jimmy knelt beside her as she clung to her husband's hands. He longed to comfort this stranger that he already loved, but knew he had no right.
As the other deputies took over the scene of the shooting, Jimmy walked Agnes back to her trailer beside the big tent. She seemed to be in a state of shock, as she fumbled with the latch on her little dwelling. Jimmy reached up and opened it for her, and stood at the doorway as she entered. Turning, she gestured to him to come in. He shut the door behind himself, as she went to a desk and lit a small lamp with a rose-colored glass bowl over it, filling the room with rosy light. She absently pulled the elaborate feathered headdress off and hung it on the corner of the mirror above the desk. She stood with her back toward him for a moment, finally speaking low.
"Emma is sleeping at her nanny's trailer tonight. Bill usually goes to get her at the end of the show and carry her back here to sleep," she said, gesturing toward a small cot behind a curtain in the corner. Choking on tears, she said sadly, "I'll let her stay there tonight. I can't face telling her that her father…"
He watched as she tilted a framed wedding picture set on the desk and studied it. "Our marriage … well, we had an arrangement, Deputy. We were never really in love; we were business partners, then parents. But he… he was my best friend," she suddenly sobbed. "I don't know how I'll tell Emma, what we'll do without him," she wept, dropping her face in her hands.
Jimmy found himself holding the grief-stricken woman in his arms, murmuring words of comfort. Her slender frame in her tight fitting costume was racked with sobs. He wiped her tears away with his hand as she stood crying into his chest. She looked up at him through her tears, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her. Her violet eyes drooped suddenly and she tilted her head back, slipping her arm around his neck. He impulsively kissed her, deeply, and she pressed against him kissing back.
Before he registered fully what he was doing, Jimmy lifted her and backed her down onto her bed. Looking down as she arched herself up toward him, tears streaming down her face, Jimmy suddenly backed away from her grasp. "I'm … I'm sorry ma'am," he stammered. "I wouldn't want to take advantage," he finished lamely. Still crying, she grasped his arms and pulled him toward her again. "Please," she whispered. "I … I'm afraid to be alone tonight, afraid to face it. I need this tonight. I need you."
He wavered, looking down at her.
She stroked his long hair tenderly. "Don't tell me you don't feel it. There's something between us, you felt it today. I can't explain it either, but there's something there, you know it. Please don't leave me alone tonight," she finished with a sob.
Jimmy's heart leaped. She felt it too, that … that inexplicable connection he had sensed from the moment he saw her. But he fought down the urges that her pleading hands and face evoked in him, and just held her, murmuring comforting words, until she fell asleep, then slipped out of her trailer under cover of darkness.
Jimmy stood at the rear of the crowd attending the burial, along with the other deputies, paying their respects to Bill Lake. Jimmy hadn't told a soul about what had happened between him and Lake's widow, out of a feeling that it was too sacred a memory to desecrate with words. He longed to say something to her, but what he didn't know.
As the ceremony closed, Agnes dropped a bouquet of flowers into the open grave, holding her daughter's small hand. After standing silently, eyes shut tight, murmuring a final prayer, Agnes faced the crowd. "Anyone associated with the circus outfit, follow me. I have some things to say to you." She turned deliberately, and without glancing right or left, strode purposefully toward the circus tent, her workers and much of the crowd trailing behind.
Reaching the tent, she climbed up on the seat of a wagon and stood above the crowd, surveying it. In a clear, ringing voice, she shouted, "I intend to run the Lake circus in memory of my husband. I know this makes me the first woman in history to run a circus; and if any of you think me unfit to do so, all I ask is two weeks notice to try to fill your places. It's hard to get free men to work for you in this part of the country, but I am determined to keep this show on the road, and I shall succeed."
The band of men were silent for a split second, then almost as one, began cheering the courageous woman, shouting out their promise to stand by her. Jimmy was astonished at their display of loyalty, and so was Agnes, whose face finally crumpled into a flood of exhausted tears.
Lou, standing near Jimmy, nudged her husband and inclined her head toward their friend. Kid took note that Jimmy was transfixed by the young widow. Kid raised an eyebrow at Lou, but said nothing. Lou cleared her throat and spoke. "Jimmy? You got plans for lunch? You're welcome to join me and Kid back at the ranch if you'd like. Maybe we could swing by Rosemary's house and ask her to join us."
Jimmy shook his head. "Nah, Lou, Rosemary's been kind of busy lately, working on a big tract she's getting published. I'd rather not bother her. Let's just make it the three of us."
"Busy, huh?" Lou remarked. "That's odd, because I saw her at Tompkins' this morning before the funeral. She said she finished that tract and she ain't seen you in days, since before we all went to the circus."
Jimmy looked irritated. "What's your point, Lou?"
"Well, since you asked, I do have a point. It's none of my concern, I suppose. But if something's going on between you and Agnes Lake, I think Rosemary has a right to know. And I never figured you for a coward, so why are you avoiding her?"
Jimmy turned angrily on his little friend, about to shout an angry response at her nerve in interfering in what wasn't any of her damn business. But his anger melted into amusement at the slightly ridiculous sight of this tiny woman who dared challenge Wild Bill Hickok. She was somehow squeezed into the black dress she had bought to wear to Noah's funeral, but with the top hoop pulled up a notch over a belly that seemed more enormous with child than ever, hands on hips and chin jutting out as if daring him to take a shot.
"Now, Lou," Kid said mildly. "Let's not jump to conclusions. Just because Jimmy hasn't seen Rosemary in a couple of days doesn't mean he's fallen in love with some woman he just met - - "
"Yeah it does," Lou interrupted, with unerring feminine instinct. "Doesn't it, Jimmy?"
Jimmy sighed. He couldn't expect Lou, much less Rosemary, to understand how Agnes Lake had turned his world upside down in just a few days.
"Lou, you're right. It's time I faced the music with Rosemary. If you're still speaking to me, I'll take a raincheck on that lunch, okay?" he leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek, patting her shoulder.
Lou softened. "You're welcome anytime, Jimmy." She paused, then looked up with soft, worried eyes. "And Jimmy? I know you'll let Rosemary down as easy as you can, won't you?"
Jimmy knew that of all the Express family, Lou had been the most accepting of his relationship with Rosemary. This had been no easy feat considering how Kid in particular could barely stand the sight of her. After a rocky start, Kid and Noah had gradually become close friends; and Kid had fastened the blame for Noah's death on Rosemary. Lou had gone to bat for Jimmy and Rosemary with Kid, and had actually forged the starts of a friendship with her. Now she could see that Rosemary was about to be jilted for another woman, and naturally felt terrible for her new friend. Jimmy smiled affectionately at Lou's soft-heartedness. Her toughness was basically an act, he knew; not too far under the surface, Lou was terribly sensitive. He leaned in and kissed her again softly on the cheek.
"I'll try, Lou. But you're right. She needs to know it ain't going to work, no matter what happens with me and Agnes." Lou nodded, and slipped her arm through Kid's as they watched him trudge reluctantly toward Rosemary's house.
Rosemary opened the door in response to Jimmy's knock, and smiled up tentatively at him. Something's different, she saw at a glance.
"Come on in, James," she said quietly, and he passed by her into her sitting room.
Rosemary followed Jimmy into the small room, where he stood awkwardly, hat in hands. "James?" she said, tremulously. "What is it?"
"This ain't easy," Jimmy started. "Rosemary, you're a wonderful woman. But I think it's best if we go our separate ways from here out. I'm sorry."
Rosemary stood open-mouthed, staring at him incredulously for a moment. Then she found her voice. "So it's true, then? What everybody's been saying about you and that circus woman?"
Jimmy turned and stared out the window a moment. "There's nothing going on between me and Agnes if that's what you're implyin', but meeting her is a part of it, yes," he admitted.
"So you meet a woman, what, three days ago, and you decide to throw away what we have together? I don't understand this, James. I thought we cared about each other, and the first pretty trick that comes along, you drop me quick as that?"
"I don't want to argue about this, Rosemary. I don't know what will happen with Agnes and me, but I do know after meeting her, that what you and I had isn't enough. And things ain't been right between us for a while, you know it as well as I do. You must know it's no use us going on now."
Rosemary's face darkened. "I suppose not, James. I'm not vulnerable enough, or needy enough, anymore. I'm just not freshly widowed enough for you now," she said sarcastically. "You hit the jackpot - found an attractive woman who lost her husband this week. Of course I can't compete with that!"
"Okay, Rosemary, if that's how you want to leave things, I guess there's nothing left to say," Jimmy said curtly, moving toward the door.
"And how do you know if you pursue this Widow Lake while she's grieving her husband, get her to fall for you while her world is falling around her, that someone else won't happen along that will change your mind again? You think about that, James?" Rosemary hurled over her shoulder as he passed through the parlor door.
Jimmy stopped for a moment, hesitating, before he continued out of Rosemary's house. Could she be right? Am I just attracted to Agnes because she's in trouble? he worried. And worse, would it be taking advantage to pursue her when she's so vulnerable? But what else am I supposed to do when she's all I can think about?
The workers were pulling up stakes at the circus tent as Jimmy wandered toward Agnes' trailer. He looked around, worried, and caught sight of her, dressed in widow's black, speaking to the animal trainers.
She looked up, her face pale and tired. "Hello, Jimmy," she said, smiling weakly. As he approached, she looked at her hands for a moment, then back up at him.
"Can we talk?" Jimmy said softly. Agnes nodded, pointing toward her trailer. "Emma and the other circus children are with their teacher now," she whispered. "Come on in, we do need to talk."
As they stepped in, Jimmy glanced at the bed where they had shared most of their few moments together. Innocent as those moments had been, he still looked away, awkwardly. He honestly didn't know what he wanted to say to her. "Agnes," he said low, his voice caressing the name.
He paused. She stood uncertainly before him, gazing into his eyes. The next words came almost involuntarily, as if through him, rather than from him. "I love you," he finished. He may have said those words to other women, but he knew somehow, he had never meant them as much as he meant them now.
She stared; he was afraid for a split second that she was about to run terror-stricken from the trailer at his declaration of love after knowing her only a few days. But she didn't.
"I love you too," she whispered. "It's crazy, but it's true."
He moved toward her but she placed a hand up on his chest to stop him. He felt as if an electric shock passed from her hand to his body; but her eyes were tormented, making him pause.
Jimmy stared intently at her. "What do we do now?" he asked, seriously. She gazed back at him somberly. "I take care of my little girl. I keep this business going somehow that my husband and I built. After that… maybe there will be time for 'we', Jimmy… to see what there might be between us." She looked down a moment and then back up at him. "Thank you for the other night. Especially for not taking advantage like you could have."
He studied her. "I hear what you're saying. But I know there's something between us already. Can we find a way to see what it is? And can't I help you with what you need to do?" Jimmy slipped his arms around Agnes and looked into her eyes.
Melting, she nodded, unable to speak. Searching her eyes, he saw her confused jumble of emotions. She felt something very real for him, he knew; but it struggled against grief and loss over her husband; and duty to her now fatherless child, who needed support and help to deal with her terrible loss. He gently rubbed her back. She murmured into his chest, "But I have to leave town, Jimmy, the show must go on, you know."
"I won't push you, Agnes. But I'll be there to give you whatever you need from me," he murmured, kissing her gently on the top of her head and holding her close. "Wherever you have to go, I'll follow you as long as you want me to."
She smiled through her tears; but strangely, Jimmy wasn't sad . . . he knew this wasn't the end, but only the beginning of their life together. He was sure of it.
A/N: This story mentions a number of true details about Agnes Lake, the real wife of James Butler Hickok, including that she was a world-famous circus performer and the first female circus owner in the United States; that her first husband Bill Lake was killed by a desperado named Jake Killen; and that she had an employee named Fred Bailey -- who was the foster father of James Bailey (later of the Barnum & Bailey Circus). I have adapted Mrs. Lake's speech to her workers after her husband's funeral somewhat, rather than quote it here directly, but the gist of it remains the same as her real speech given to rally them to help keep the show going the day after her husband's funeral. The story alters the timing of these events substantially, and of course the rest of the plot is completely fictionalized.