A Second
Chance
Chapter One
Sarah looked at her best friend from her place where she cleaned the dishes after dinner. She was so gloomy lately, and Sarah tried her best to cheer her up. She did not remember her like that, not even when she first met her, a few months after her husband died.
When Louise first came to Sweetwater fifteen years ago, six months after her husband died, she was upset and heart broken, but even then she was not as miserable as she was now.
"We should think about Jo's birthday," Sarah told Louise.
"What about it?" Louise asked, not even lifting her eyes from the table.
"Louise, your daughter is going to be seventeen in a couple of weeks. It's an important age, and she's been waiting for this since she was sixteen."
"We can do whatever you think is right," Louise said, not really caring.
"NO!" Sarah almost yelled. "You have to get a grip of yourself! You know I couldn't have loved your daughter more if she was my own, but this is something you have to do." Sarah just could not take Louise’s indifference any longer. "I've been watching you brood for the last couple of days, and I've had it! You're my best friend, and therefore I am the best person to tell you this – either get a grip of yourself, or I don't know what I'll do!" Sarah then stormed out of the kitchen, leaving her friend with tears in her eyes.
How can she say this to me? Louise thought angrily. Doesn't she realize what I'm going through? My daughter – my own daughter is reaching the age I was when I first met her father… Louise’s thoughts jumbled, and she was now crying for everything wrong in her life – her mother's death, her siblings gone, the death of her husband, the void her one true love left. Still crying, she fell asleep on the kitchen table.
Sarah felt really bad for the way she had spoken to Louise. Something is obviously bothering her. When she entered the kitchen the next morning and noticed Louise was still there, she sat next to her, stroking her hair and whispering her name.
"I'm sorry for last night," she said when Louise opened her eyes, moaning in pain as she stretched her sore back. "I know you better than to judge you like that. I do think you need to talk about what's been troubling you so."
Louise smiled weakly at her friend and tried to say something when her daughter came in.
"Morning Ma, morning Aunt Sarah"
"Morning Jo," Sarah answered. "Slept well?"
"Yes," the girl answered, as she sat at the table and poured herself some coffee. "I have a couple of ideas regarding the party. Maybe we can invite Uncle Cody and Uncle Buck. It's been a while since we saw them last."
Louise rose and hugged her daughter. "We'll see what we can do to invite them, but right now you should finish your breakfast and go to school."
They ate their breakfast, Jo excitedly telling them her ideas for the party.
When Jo was gone and it was just the two of them again, Louise turned to Sarah. "I'm sorry too for last night," she said. "Jo's coming birthday got me to thinking of her father. Do you know I was 17 when I first saw him?"
Sarah just nodded and waited for Louise to continue.
"I feel so exhausted. Mentally. After Jimmy died, I knew I had to go on with my life. For my daughter's sake. It was also what Jimmy wanted. But after 15 years alone, and fighting to survive and be happy, I don’t think I can do it anymore." Louise had tears flowing down her cheeks. "I can't do this alone anymore," she said.
Sarah smiled sadly and hugged her friend. "You are not alone," she said. "Not as long as I'm here."
Louise smiled at her friend and sniffled. "Thanks, Sarah. I know I can always count on you." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and straightened her back. "We'd better get ready to go out as well."
That afternoon, when they were preparing dinner together, Sarah smiled mischievously to herself. "I thought about our conversation this morning and I figured out a solution," she said.
Louise glared at her suspiciously.
"No, really," Sarah continued, her smile broadening. "As I said in the morning, I'm here for you, and I'll always be. But I think there are certain things, I can't help you with…"
Louise looked at her, bewildered at first, but blushing uncontrollably when she understood the full meaning behind Sarah's words.
"So… I walked down the main road, and there I saw him – the new marshal."
"Oh, no, no, no!" Louise said. "I've had enough of men of the law. Besides, I don't need a man in my life. I'm quite happy to be a free woman and not have a man dictating my every move. Maybe you should make a move at him."
"Well, if I was ten years younger I would," Sarah said, still smiling.
Louise smiled back. "I'm a law-man widow. You really think any other would take the chance?" Louise winked. "Besides, seriously, I'm not really looking for a man right now. Dealing with my seventeen-year-old daughter is hard enough without a new man in our life."
"Well, it looks as though your daughter and I had the same idea," Sarah said, nodding outside.
Louise looked at her questioningly, but before Sarah could answer there was a knock on the door. She went to open it and thought she might faint. She had to hold on to the doorframe to not fall down.
"Good afternoon, ma'am," the man said, holding his hat in his hand. "This young lady was fighting three boys, and I…"
"Jo, go to your room," Louise said, panic starting to rise.
"But I didn't do anything."
"Go to your room!" Louise said again.
Jo noticed her mother's stance and realized she was not going to win this one. Angrily she ran up the stairs.
"You must go!" Louise told the man. "You're the Marshal here?" she asked incredulously, as she only now noticed his badge.
"Yes, ma'am," he answered, smiling. "Is everything OK?"
"Please just go, Kid," Louise said, suddenly so tired she thought she was going to fall.
The marshal looked at her intently and thought, how does she know my… "Lou???" Kid cried, shocked. "It is you! I can't believe it! What are you doing here? Is this your daughter?"
"You
have to go!" she said and closed the door, leaving him staring
bewildered
at the closed door. She leaned her back on the wood and brought her
hands to
her face. Oh my God, oh my God…
Sarah came smiling from the kitchen, but as she saw Louise her smile disappeared. "What happened?"
"That's Kid!" Louise exclaimed. "That's him! Why didn't you tell me he's the new marshal?"
"What are you talking about, Louise? Who's that kid? He looks grown up to me."
"Ma, are you alright?" Jo was taken aback when her mother spoke to her like she did. She never raised her voice to her and was always fair and patient. She came down the stairs hesitantly.
"Yes, I am. Now, about you, young lady, what was that all about?" Louise didn't really care about what happened in town but was glad for the change in the conversation topic.
"They were saying stuff," Jo said.
"What stuff?" Louise asked.
"They
were saying stuff about
"That's Ok, sweetheart," Louise said, tears in her eyes. She hugged her daughter. "Jimmy would have been proud of you!"
Chapter Two
Louise walked down the main road, butterflies in her belly. What am I going to say to him? She thought. Will he be angry? Upset? I won't be able to look at his eyes…
Before she realized she was standing in front of the marshal's office. She stood there staring ahead for a minute, and then she turned around to walk away, not able to face him.
"Lou!"
She turned around at hearing her name.
Kid stood there, half a smile on his face. "Please don't run off again. I won't bite."
She smiled weakly and started towards him. "I just came to apologize for the way I behaved the other day," she said when she reached him. Her emotions came like a flood and washed all over her. She shivered lightly, but unfortunately for her, he noticed.
"Is everything alright, Lou?" he asked.
Louise just nodded.
Kid's smile didn't falter. "It's been so long! How've you been? Was this your daughter? I just can't believe this! I never thought I'd see you again."
Louise's eyes began to tear. She diverted her eyes from him. "Please stop, Kid," she begged. "I just came to say I'm sorry for the way I acted the other day, and to thank you for bringing my daughter home."
"Oh," Kid said. "You're married then." He was surprised to feel so disappointed. Over the years he had thought a lot of her – his one true love. He figured she'd probably continued on with her life, but hearing her saying it aloud, facing reality, it seemed to hurt him more than he'd ever realized it would.
Louise shook her head. "I was. Jimmy was killed 15 years ago."
"Jimmy?" Kid exclaimed. "You married Jimmy?"
Louise didn't know what else there was to say. They were like strangers, actually. She didn't know a thing about him, and now he was angry at her. How dare he? she thought. He was the one to leave me.
"Kid," she said, "I should go now. Thank you again for bringing my daughter home." She turned and walked away from him, leaving him staring after her dumbfounded. She hated him for making her feel guilty. He was the one to leave me.
Kid stared at her walking away from him. God, she's so beautiful. He thought. Just like she was seventeen years ago. He sighed audibly and walked into the office. And she married my best friend, he thought bitterly. How could she? Why didn't she wait? He knew he was being unfair. He was the one, leaving her to fight a war. He wished now he hadn't. But still, of all men, she married Jimmy. The one person she knew would hurt the most. And he's dead. Only now it dawned on him. His best friend was dead. How? He wanted to know that. It surprised him to feel angry at his friend's death. But it was so long ago. Where was he buried? Kid thought he should go there to pay his respect. He was suddenly ashamed for being angry at Jimmy. He took care of Louise. He managed to do what Kid himself failed. And he was once his best friend. Kid couldn't even count all those times Jimmy rescued him. I'm sorry, Jimmy, he thought. I'm sorry for not being able to repay you.
**********
It was a few days since Louise went to town to see Kid, and it was all she could think about. Sarah stopped asking her what was going on, knowing there would be no answer. Jo's birthday was getting close, but Louise just didn't seem to mind. Sarah looked at her friend and sighed. She didn't know what she could do to ease her friend's mind. Finally, she decided to give it another shot. "I saw the marshal today in town," she started slowly, checking Louise's reaction carefully. When she didn't react, Sarah continued. "He seems kind'a nice." Nothing yet. "It's just that when he first came here, it seemed as if you knew him… I heard Ms. Hopkins says she'd like for him to court her daughter." Sarah thought she saw something changes in Louise's eyes, but when she said nothing, Sarah continued. "What do you say? It's true at first I thought he might be suitable for you, but you made it clear that you didn't want…"
"He'd be good for her," Louise replied curtly, without even looking up. "He's probably married, though."
"No, he isn't," Sarah said, hoping this would draw a stronger reaction. "Rumor has it he never was married. His one true love was lost, and he's waiting for her to return."
"People like to gossip," Louise answered calmly. "Never thought you to believe anything people say"
"Anyway," Sarah continued. "Fact is he's never been married, whatever the reason is."
Never married, Lou thought. She didn't understand why, but it made her a bit happier. I have no right to feel like this. She scorned herself. I didn't wait for him to return from the war as he asked and then went and married another. And not just any other, but his best friend. And yet, the notion of him still waiting for her was more welcomed than any other.
She was lying on the grass, her legs in the water. It was always her favorite spot, even when she was still riding for The Express. Whenever she needed to get some peace of mind, she had come there. It was a beautiful place. Her own piece of heaven. The trees grew close, which kept the place cool even in the hot summer days. The sound of the water and the birds. The cool water caressing her bare feet. It all made her calm her nerves.
She knew she was neglecting her motherly duties these past couple of weeks, but she just couldn't bring herself to celebrate. Too much was going on in her mind. She wished Jimmy was here with her. He always had a good advice to offer. Aside from Kid, he had been her best friend. When he had married her, he had known she would never love him as much as he loved her. He had told her he hoped she would, but it had never stopped him from caring and loving her. What would Jimmy have said about the way I spoke to Kid? Seeing him after all these years stirred something inside of her. She knew she had never stopped loving him. Even when she finally had fallen for Jimmy, Kid was always there in her heart. Both she and Jimmy had known that. Oh, dear Jimmy, why can't I just talk to him? Explain everything and beg him to forgive me?
Tears started to well in her eyes and she did nothing to stop them from falling down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and let the tears run through her closed eyelids.
"I hoped I would find you here."
Louise opened her eyes at the sound. "How did you know?" she asked, while sitting up.
"It was always your favorite spot," he answered nonchalantly. "I've been coming here every day for the past week, hoping you'd show up."
"You remembered?" she asked surprised.
"Of course," he said. "I remember everything about you."
She blushed slightly.
"I'm sorry about Jimmy," he started again. "How long were you married?"
"Only a couple of years," she said, not quite able to look him in the eyes.
"You have a beautiful daughter," he complimented. "She reminds me of you."
Lou looked at him questioningly.
"I see her a lot in town. Usually wins some fight with a couple of boys." He grinned.
Lou tried to form a smile but failed. She was too uncertain.
"I missed you," Kid said, turning seriously.
Lou didn't answer.
"Throughout the war the thought of you was what kept me going. There was a time I almost froze to death. I drifted to sleep and I dreamt of you. I knew I had to wake up and keep going to get back to you."
"Kid, it's too late," Lou said sadly.
"Why?" he asked. "It's a sign. Us ending up here, where we first met – it's a sign."
"No, Kid," she stopped him, getting up to her feet. "I've lived here for the past fifteen years. You coming here now is due to our lack of a marshal. Don't make it to be more than it is." She climbed on her buckboard.
Kid came to stand by her. "You forgot your boots," he said handing them to her. "I'm not going to fade away this time, Lou," he said, a smile on his face.
Lou didn't answer but spurred her horse into action.
**********
She decided to put herself into the planning. She needed something to occupy her mind. She thought she was losing it. She fought succumbing to the desire to follow her heart and declare her true feelings. She knew if he kept pursuing her, she would give in. A part of her wished he would.
"Ma, I've invited the new marshal to my party," Jo said, as she came outside to help her mother hang the decorations.
"Why did you do that?" Louise asked.
"He told me he rode with you when you were at The Pony Express. I thought you'd be happy to see him again. I don't remember him from your stories, though."
"Did he say he'll come?"
"He said he'd be happy to. He said he could tell me stories about Pa. Said he'd tell me everything you didn't."
"He did?!"
"Yes. He said Pa was a hero and that he saved him many times. He said he was his best friend."
"He was."
"How come you never told me about him?"
"There was nothing to tell, Jo. It was a long time ago. We were all friends, but I don't really know the man he became."
"He seems like a nice enough man, Ma."
"Maybe he is, but I wish you wouldn't keep in touch with him"
"Why?"
Louise looked at her daughter and smiled. She is so like me! she thought. "We have a good life here. Just the three of us – you, me and Sarah. We don't need anyone else."
"What are talking about, Ma?" Jo asked, not quite understanding.
"She means she's not looking for a man in her life right now," Sarah answered for Louise.
Louise shot a warning glare at her. "I'm perfectly happy with the way things are right now. I wouldn't want to change it."
"Yes. We all saw how happy you were these last few weeks."
"Don't start again, Sarah, please." Louise rose to her feet. "We should finish with the decorations and go to bed. There are enough things to do in the morning, before everyone will be here."
**********
Louise sat and watched her daughter, happier than she's ever seen her. She showed off to her friends her new relationship with the new marshal. Louise knew her daughter was always a bit of an outsider. The fact that she had no Pa and lived with two unmarried woman didn't help much. The fact that her late Pa was killed in questionable circumstances made things even worse. But now, she had a new friend. She had the new marshal on her side, and she shone with happiness.
Louise saw Kid whispering something in Jo's ear that made her giggle and walk away. When she realized he was heading her way, it was too late for her to back away. "She's a great kid," Kid said, smiling warmly. "You did well."
"Thanks," Louise said. "I understand you formed a close friendship."
"Well, seeing as she's the daughter of my two best friends, it's only natural. I see so much of you in her. Brings back a lot of good memories."
"Only good ones?" Louise asked bitterly.
"Why are you like this?"
"Like what, Kid?" she started to get annoyed by him.
"Look, I don't want to make a scene here, Lou. It's Jo's birthday, and she's really happy. I've grown to care a lot about her these past few weeks that I've known her, and I wouldn't want to spoil her party. If you want, I'll go now, and if it's really what you want, and I'd like you to think real hard on this, I'll end any relationship I have with her. It's your call." He walked away, said something to Jo, tapped his head at Lou and walked out of the yard.
"You want to tell me what this was all about?" Sarah asked a few minutes later, as she came to sit next to Louise.
Louise looked at her friend. She knew Sarah longer then she knew Kid and Jimmy combined. She trusted her with her life and yet she never could bring herself to tell her the truth. Maybe now was the time. "There is a lot I've never told you."
"I figured out that much," Sarah said, smiling encouragingly.
"I'm ready to tell you everything, but not now. Let's wait until everyone's gone and Jo's asleep."
A couple of hours later, Louise and Sarah sat on the swing, each caressing a hot mug of coffee.
"Well, you know all about how I came to work here is Sweetwater at the Pony Express. We were a group of six; at first, there were Jimmy and Kid, Cody, Buck, Ike and myself. Later we were joined by Noah. Ike and Noah are both dead now." Louise stopped and smiled sadly, reminiscing.
"Well, anyway, Kid was the first one to discover I was, in fact, a girl. A few weeks later they all found out. Kid and I – we grew close almost from the start. I fell in love with him even before he knew my secret. We were young and didn't really know how to express our feelings. We used to sneak out to steal a kiss, but it all was hard since I was supposed to be a boy. About a year later we grew real intimate, if you know what I mean. It's not that we were stupid or naïve; it's just that we loved each other so much that it seemed insignificant. Nothing happened, really. Not at first."
"So, we used to volunteer to special runs. That gave us some time alone, and sometimes even nights. Then he asked me to marry him for the first time. I joked it off and thought that was the end of it. But then he asked again. I declined and we broke up."
"At that time, not having Kid to turn to, Jimmy and I grew closer. It wasn't a romance, but we became better friends. I knew Kid was upset about it, as he considered Jimmy to be his best friend, but at the time I didn't really care. A few days after we broke up, he started seeing another lady. I was so jealous but was too proud to tell him I loved him and to explain why I just couldn't marry him. Truth is, I'm not sure I knew the reason myself. It had a lot to do with what I've been through in my life, but it wasn't just that."
"Anyway, after a few months we came back together. It wasn't until Jimmy kissed me that I truly knew there is only one man I really love."
"When Kid proposed for the third time, I finally said yes. We started the planning, and everything seemed to be alright again."
"Then the war broke, and I saw him torn between his desire to go and fight for his home and his desire to stay and marry me. His home won. A couple of weeks before we were about to walk down the aisle, he went to fight. He promised he'd write, and I promised to wait for him. None of us kept our promise. I wrote long letters every day, telling him how much I missed him and how much I loved him, but I didn't have anywhere to send it to."
"The night before he left we made love for the last time. It was desperate and passionate, different from any other of the times we did it. I remember every second of it. It was as if our bodies knew it would be the last time."
"A couple of months after he left I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I told Jimmy about it, and as always he came to my rescue. When I married him, I knew I wasn't being fair, to either of them, but I was so scared and confused. I wasn't thinking straight. Jimmy had a good argument, convincing me to marry him. He said that the baby would have a hard time growing up. That it would be scorned because of the situation of me, at the age of 19, with questionable married status. I knew he loved me, and we both knew I loved Kid, but he didn't care. Probably hoped I would grow to love him someday."
"After we got married, we didn't even sleep in the same room. Jimmy gave me space. Said he was there whenever I needed him. He didn't even touch me as a husband. When Jo was born, I named her after her father – Kid's real name is Jonah. It was my little secret, since no one knew his real name. It was like having him with me again. The only features she inherited from him are her eyes. That’s why I'm so scared that they spend all this time together. I don't understand how he can't see she's his."
"Well, after she was born, I felt so grateful for all Jimmy had done for us, and I came to his room this one night. I fell in love with him. I still had stronger feelings for Kid but realized I had to go on with my life. I did love Jimmy."
"You know the rest. Of how Jimmy died and I came here."
Sarah nodded and remained silent.
Louise felt exhausted. "I know it was a long time ago, but I don't know how either Kid or Jo would react if I told them the truth. I'm not sure if I should, but I'm scared Kid would find out on his own. All he needs is to do the math and look, really look at her eyes."
"You should tell him, Louise," Sarah said, taking Louise's hand in hers. "He should hear it from you. That's your chance to make things right. Give him the opportunity to be a father to his daughter."
Louise knew her friend was right. "I have no idea how to even begin."
"Just tell him the truth like you told me."
Louise nodded. "I'll talk to him tomorrow morning."
Chapter Three
She stood behind a tree, watching him. She had no right to, she knew that, and it was not ladylike, but she couldn't help herself. She longed for him. She knew now, she lost the battle, and it didn't bother her at all. The question now was how angry would he be when she told him the truth.
She almost backed out of it this morning, but Sarah's look gave her no choice.
He was so handsome. At 36 he had not a single white hair. His body was tanned, and he had strong muscles that rippled as he splashed the cool water on his face and hair. The water drops glittered on his tanned back. Her month watered as she thought about feeling his strong hands caressing her body. Feeling his body pressed against hers.
She was not so young herself, she knew that, but she managed to keep her figure. That figure he loved so much a long time ago.
She tried to shift position and stepped on some dry leaves. Dammit! she cursed inwardly.
Kid heard the noise and tried to see where it came from. "Who is it?" he asked. He hoped it wasn't someone from town. It would be too embarrassing.
"Only me," Louise said, walking out of her hiding place. "Didn't mean to sneak up on you like that," she said, blush rising up her cheeks. "Didn't think you would be here," she lied. She looked for him in his office. This was her second guess.
"Give me a minute. I'll get out." This is even worse, he thought. The only woman that has ever had that affect on me… "Care to turn around?" he asked embarrassed.
"Oh, of course." She turned her back to him. Now she could only imagine.
"It was a great party," he said when he came to stand by her.
She dared a glace at him. His chest was still bare, drops of water sliding down his muscles. His pants were clinging wetly to his legs. She diverted her eyes quickly. "Maybe you should put your shirt on," she said. This was going to be hard enough without him looking so darn good.
He smiled at her and obliged. "Care to join me for breakfast? I brought some fruits."
"I wasn't completely honest with you." Louise decided there was no point in slacking around.
"About not expecting me to be here? I figured that much out," Kid smiled.
"I mean about me, about my daughter."
The smile on Kid's face faltered slightly. "What is it?" he asked.
"Well, I'm sorry for everything, and I hope you'll find a way to forgive me."
"Lou, cut to the chase. What is it? You're scaring me! Is something wrong with Jo?"
Lou shook her head. "Jo's full name is Joanna. She's named after her father."
Kid looked perplexed. "What are you saying, Lou?"
"Jimmy wasn't her father." She looked at him straight in the eyes, wishing it would help him understand.
Kid rose to his feet and started pacing. He couldn't think straight. He was a father. He had a kid with Lou. She married his best friend. She lied to him.
"Kid…" Lou wasn't sure how to react. She knew it was a lot to grasp, but he seemed to be confused and angry.
Kid glared hardly at her. "I honestly don't know what to say right now, Lou."
"Kid…" Lou walked to him and tried to put her hand on his arm to sooth him.
He jerked away from her. "You'd better go now."
She nodded and headed away. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I'm sorry for lying to you."
Kid watched her as she headed back to town. I'm a father. The thought came to him so abruptly he had to gasp for air. This is what he wished for back then – having a family with Lou. And she had my family with someone else, he thought bitterly. How could she do that? And Jo… he could not believe this young woman he grew so fond of was his own. Her eyes… she has my eyes…
**********
"I totally blew it up." Louise sank into the chair.
"You have to give him some time, Louise." Sarah smiled comfortingly.
"I didn’t even get to explain. He was so angry."
"What did you expect? Of course he's angry," Sarah said and put her hand on her friend's sagged shoulders. "Give him some time to digest it. Than you will have plenty of time to explain everything."
Louise looked at her, uncertain.
"You'll see!" Sarah assured her. "I have to go to town. Maybe you should start lunch. Jo's going to be home soon."
Louise straightened herself up. I have to keep faith that everything will be Ok. Jo shouldn't notice anything different.
**********
"How can I help you, ma'am?" Kid rose as he saw the woman entering his office. He wasn't in the mood but felt a little bit of work might just be the thing to help him from thinking about his conversation with Lou.
"My name's Sarah Donaldson. I'm a friend of Louise."
"How can I help you?" He really didn't have the energy to talk about Louise right now.
"I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight." Sarah smiled warmly.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but things are not at their best between me and Lou right now. I don't think it's a good idea."
"She told me about your conversation this morning. She wishes you'd give her a chance to explain."
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't mean to be rude, but it doesn't concern you." Kid was a bit surprised by this woman.
"I'm sorry, if I offended you, but I really care about Louise and Jo. I know Louise feels bad about everything, and I just want her to be happy." When Kid said nothing, Sarah continued. "Please come to dinner. Give her a chance to explain."
"Does Jo know?" Kid asked.
"No. Louise never told her. Would you come, please?"
"I'm not promising anything." Kid answered.
"I guess that's better than straight 'no'." Sarah smiled and walked away.
**********
"Jo, dinner is ready. Come down here," Louise called her daughter.
"I'll be right there, Ma."
There was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," Jo yelled as she ran down the stairs.
"Marshal," she exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Is everything OK?"
"Yes." Kid chuckled at her worrying. "I was invited here for dinner." He wanted so much to take her in his arms and hug her.
"Who is it, Jo?" Louise called, coming out of the kitchen. She stopped as she saw Kid standing at the entrance, nervously fumbling his hat in his hands.
"Ms. Donaldson invited me for dinner," he smiled shyly. "I hope it's alright by you."
"Of-course it is," Jo said, smiling happily. She hooked her arm in his and walked him to the table. "Ma said dinner is ready."
Kid shot an apologetic smile at Louise, who just shrugged her shoulders.
**********
"Maybe you should go outside while Jo and I clean here," Sarah suggested, quieting with a glance the disapproval she saw coming from Jo.
"Thanks, Sarah," Louise said.
"Dinner was wonderful, Ms. Donaldson."
"Well, tell that to Louise," Sarah said, smiling. "It was all her doing. And please, call me Sarah."
"Now I'm really surprised," Kid said as he joined Louise on the swing. "Never knew you could cook like that."
"I'm sorry, Kid." Louise just went on, ignoring the compliment. "I really wish you would let me explain."
"That's what I'm here for. Sarah came to my office earlier, asked me to give you a chance. I figured there was nothing to lose."
"I did mean to keep my promise to you. I loved you more than anything. Jimmy was just a friend. A couple of months after you left I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I never got any word from you, and…"
"What do you mean? I wrote to you every day. I sent you at least one letter every week," Kid said
"They never arrived, Kid. Anyway, Jimmy offered to help. It was the best thing to do for Jo. Raising her with no father would have made her count less in other people's eyes. When I agreed to marry him, Jimmy knew he would always come second. He knew I still loved you. I never stopped loving you."
She looked at Kid. He was deep in thought, but it seemed he was really listening to her.
"When Jo was born, I named her after you. It was the only honor for you I could think of at the time. I wanted her to have a daily connection to you. Jimmy never asked, but I think he suspected the reason for the name."
"Jimmy was a good father to Jo. He always felt he robbed you of the chance, but I kept telling him that what he really did was save me and Jo for you."
"When Jimmy died, there was nothing left for me where we lived so I came back here, to where it all begun. I never dared to hope I'd see you again, but when you first came here a few weeks ago, I thought that God must have decided to answer my secret prayers."
Kid
looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes. He touched her cheek and
caressed
the tears away.
Louise put her hand on his. The warmth made her close her eyes. She was afraid to open them and find she was dreaming.
"When I came back from the war and you weren't there, my heart broke. I felt betrayed. I tried to look for you, but after a few months figured out you just moved on without me. I lost hope of ever finding you, but when I saw you I just knew this was my chance. I am not going to blow it again. No war or anything else is going to keep me away from you. Not even you," Kid promised, his voice husky with emotions.
Louise opened her eyes. "I'm not going to stop you," she said.
Kid leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes, and as she felt his lips on hers, she answered hungrily.
Their kiss lasted only a couple of minutes, but to Louise it felt like eternity.
Kid smiled at her. "Are you going to tell Jo the truth?" he asked.
Louise sighed. "I don't know how. She thinks Jimmy was her father. All the stories I told her about her father were of you. I don't know how to tell her I lied to her all these years."
"Then, let's wait some more, think of the best way and time to do it," Kid said, encouragingly.
"It's just funny how life has its own course. Even though she doesn't know who you really are, she likes you. It's like she's adopted you"
"She's a great young woman," Kid said. "I thought so even before I knew the truth. It only made me even more jealous of Jimmy – that he fathered such a great young lady. You did well, Lou. You should be proud."
The door behind them opened. Jo came out. She seated herself between them and leaned her head on Kid's shoulders. His arm came to rest on her shoulders and he kissed her head.
Lou looked at the two of them and had a feeling of completion. This is my family, she thought.
"I should go now," Kid said after a few minutes. "Will you meet me at the pond in the morning?" he asked Lou.
Lou nodded.
Kid leaned and kissed her cheek. He then kissed Jo's head. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
"I really like him," Jo said, as they watched Kid mount his horse and ride away.
"I like him too, Jo. I like him too."
Chapter Four
Louise dismounted quickly and rushed to him. He was waiting for her at the pond. She flung herself at him, and they kissed deeply, all their pent up emotions colliding into an explosion.
**********
"God, how I missed you, Lou."
"I missed you too, Kid."
They were lying entwined on the grass. She shivered slightly, and he hugged her closer to him. "I should have thought of bringing some blankets," he apologized.
"I never thought we would end up like this so quickly," she giggled, slightly embarrassed.
Kid kissed her bare shoulder and smiled. "I think we should probably head back," he said. "When do you think we could meet again?"
Louise propped on her elbows and started at his eyes. "You can come to dinner," she said, and then added mischievously, "You don't have to leave straight after dinner…"
He turned her and now was lying on top of her. He kissed her passionately, his hands roaming her body. They made love again; their hunger for each other didn’t seem to be satisfied.
"We really must be going back," she panted as they both tried to catch their breath.
"I don't want to let you go," he said, apologetically.
"Jo will be home soon, and I didn't fix her lunch yet. We'll meet again tonight. Besides, your deputy will come looking for you if you don't show up soon."
"I know, I know," he said, but still held on to her.
She got up and started to get dressed. He stared at her. "God, you are so beautiful"
She smiled at him. "Get dressed," she told him, laughing.
He rose to his feet. "A couple of hours ago you couldn't wait for me to take my clothes off," he chuckled.
"Get dressed!" She desperately tried to keep a stern look.
**********
"Morning marshal," Jo said, as she walked past him on her way down.
Kid stopped dead and quickly entered the room he had just left.
Louise smiled at him sleepily. "What's wrong?" she asked as she saw his pale face.
"Jo saw me."
"Oh" was all she could say. They had tried so hard to keep their relationship a secret. Their nightly meetings always ended with the Kid running out of the house before sunrise. But today, after an eventful night, they slept late. "What did she say?"
"She just said 'good morning'. What are we going to tell her?" Kid asked, sitting on the bed next to Lou.
She wrapped her hands around him and kissed his neck. "Maybe we should tell her the truth. She's not a baby, you know."
"I know, but I'm not sure it's the best idea."
"Why not? Why should we keep hiding like that? We have nothing to be ashamed of. We're not kids anymore."
"I know we're not kids, but I would like to know our status before we discuss it with her. What if she asks us questions regarding our relationship?"
"What do you mean, Kid?"
"I mean, I would like to know where we're heading."
"Heading?"
"Lou, I asked you three times already. I will ask for the forth time, but I wouldn't like to be surprised again."
"Kid, I really don't know what's you're getting at."
"Well," Kid kneeled before the bed looking up at Lou, smiling sheepishly. "Louise McCloude," he cleared his throat. "I know we've only been doing this for a couple of weeks, but I know I love you, and I know you love me. So, what I'm saying is this – I would like to marry you, but I don't want to pressure you. My offer stands until you accept it, whenever you're ready."
Louise smiled at him and kissed his forehead. "I do love you," she said. "You should get going. I'll get dressed and be down there in no time."
"Please don't send me there alone," Kid begged, a smile on his face.
"Are you scared of your own daughter, Kid?" Lou laughed as she pushed him out of the room.
"Good morning," Lou said cheerfully as she entered the kitchen. She kissed her daughter's head and Kid's lips, amused to see his shocked expression.
"Lou!" he hissed, but she smiled innocently at him.
"So, slept well?" Sarah asked, winking at Louise.
"Yes, thank you," Louise answered sweetly.
"Alright!" Jo shouted, rising to her feet. She was tired of the way they were acting, like nothing happened. "I want to know what's going on!"
Lou turned serious. "Jo, we need to talk."
"No kidding, Ma?" Jo said, angrily.
"Maybe we should go on a ride," Lou tried, thinking she would be more comfortable having some privacy with her daughter. It was not going to be easy, even without the audience.
"Why can't we talk here?" Jo asked indignantly.
"I really should go." Kid excused himself. He kissed Lou's cheek and then came to kiss Jo's, but she turned her head away from him.
Sarah gave him an apologetic smile and went out after him. "She was surprised to see you this morning. Just give her time. After Louise talks to her, I'm guessing she will come to you." She patted his hand as he mounted his horse and went to the stables, wishing not to interfere with the mother-daughter conversation.
Chapter Five
"Well?" Jo was impatient.
Lou sat at the table and motioned for Jo to sit beside her. She took her hand in hers and looked at her eyes.
"I thought a lot about this moment," Lou started. "When I tell you the truth."
"The truth about my father?" Jo asked, looking directly at her mother. "I already know you lied to me."
"But… how? How did you find out?"
"I kind'a figured it from a lot of things. I didn’t remember Pa, I mean – Jimmy. Didn’t know I looked nothing like him. Even when I first met Kid, I mean – you know, I didn't think anything of it. But then he started telling me stories, some of them were the same stories you told me, only things you told me 'my father' and you did he told about himself and you. Then, after a while, I realized you never mentioned 'my father's name. You always referred to him like that – as 'my father'. I remembered the way you reacted when you first saw him, when he brought me home that night. It didn't make sense even back then, but then I realized you were afraid. Afraid your secret will be revealed."
"The only question I still have was why you lied. Why did you lie to me all these years, Ma? Did Pa know the truth? I understand Kid knows. The way he's been acting towards me lately… like he's scared of me."
Lou was surprised at the emotions cursing through her. A part of her was proud of her daughter's cleverness; a part was ashamed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," she said. "I am sorry I lied to you. I never thought there would be a reason for you to know the truth. I never thought I'd see your father again. I want to tell you the whole truth now, the whole story. Will you give me a chance to explain?"
Jo nodded.
Lou took a deep breath. "Your father's name is Jonah Dickinson. We always called him 'Kid'. Don't really know why, but that's how he presented himself from the start. Beside me, no one knew his real name, not even Jimmy. When you were born, I decided to name you after him. Jimmy didn't know the reason for your name but said nothing."
"Ma," Jo interrupted. "You said you'd tell me everything, but you're jumping to when I was already born. What happened before that? Why didn't you marry my real father? Didn't he ask?"
"Oh, he asked. He asked three times. The first couple of times I said no… but you know what, let me start from the beginning."
"I met both your fathers on the express. Right here in Sweetwater. I fell in love with Kid the first time I saw him. As I told you always – he, Kid, your father, was the first one to find that I was a girl. I guess that's when he fell in love with me, 'cause since then he constantly tried to make sure I was safe and comfortable."
"During our express days he asked me twice to marry him, and both times I declined. I wasn't ready for whatever reasons. After the second time I declined, we broke up. I grew closer to Jimmy – just as friends, mind you, but still closer. When Kid and I got back together, we carried on as we used to, and then he proposed for the third time. I said yes, and we started to plan the wedding."
"Then
the war broke, and your father went to fight for his home –
"I wasn't angry with him," she continued. "I loved him, and his convictions and ideals were parts of what made me love him so much. I did intend to wait for him, but then, a couple of months after he left, I found out I was pregnant. With you. I wanted to write to your father and tell him but didn't have an address to send a letter to. Now I know he wrote me constantly, but I guess because of the war, the letters didn't arrive."
"I told Jimmy I was pregnant, and he proposed to marry me. I was shocked at first, thought he was taking advantage of Kid being gone, but then he explained the reasons, and it all made sense. He only tried to help. With time I did fall in love with him. When he died, I felt empty. I had you, you were the one thing that held me together, but I felt like I spent all my chances with men. I had loved and been loved by the two best men I've ever known, and I thought anyone else would be a compromise. Along the years there were a few men that tried, but I didn’t even want to give them a chance."
"You know the rest, or most of it, anyway. I was afraid of Kid at first. I was sure that, being so close to you, he would see right through my lies. I still don't understand what took him this long. You look so much like him. But, as you know now, we grew close again and this morning," Louise took a break for emphasis, "he asked me to marry him. I am going to say yes, and this time I'm going to go through with this. But, I wanted to speak with you first. We didn’t mean for you to discover our relationship like you did, but now that you know, what do you think? How do you feel about everything?"
Jo looked at her mother, not quite believing her feelings mattered.
"I'm serious, Jo. Your father and I think you're a very clever young lady, and we care about your feelings. We're sorry we didn't tell you from the start, but we ourselves didn't know where we were heading. We just figured out our emotions, and we wish to take this fourth chance that God decided to give us and make it this time. But it's your life as well, and we care what you think."
Jo had tears in her eyes. Her parents – not just her Ma, but her Pa as well, considered her feelings. She thought only for a split second before a big smile appeared on her face. She hugged her mother. "Will you let me be the maid of honor?"
Lou hugged her daughter tightly. "I love you so much, Joanna Dickinson. Thank you."
"It will be weird, though."
"What will, sweetheart?"
"How do I call him now? Marshal? Kid? Pa? It kind'a feels like a betrayal to Pa, I mean Jimmy."
Lou took her daughter's face in her hands. "Jimmy loved you as if you were his own. He never minded you being Kid's child. And Kid just found out about you. He loves you, he liked you even before he knew the truth, and he's grateful for Jimmy for taking care of us. You can call him as you feel most comfortable. He understands that it could be hard for you and anyway you decide to call him will be fine."
**********
Kid knocked on the door. He felt a bit apprehensive of the dinner with his daughter. How would she react and what would she say?
Jo opened the door and smiled at him. She rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. He smiled back. This amazing young woman seemed to have understood his anxiety and have managed to make him feel more welcomed.
Lou smiled at him as she turned from the stove. She took off her apron as she came closer to him. She kissed him full on the lips, making him blush.
"How was your day?" she asked naturally.
"Nothing special," he answered.
"Good," she smiled as she motioned for him to sit at the table.
She brought the meat and the vegetables to the table, and they all started eating.
"So, Kid," she started innocently. "Jo and I started to think about all that we need to do…"
"Huh?" Kid asked. "For what?"
"The wedding," Jo answered with a big smile.
Kid looked dumbfounded at Lou, but seeing her smile at him the realization hit. He rose and pulled her up, lifting her and twirling with her in his arms. He kissed her deeply. "I am the luckiest man alive," he said. "I love you."
"I love you too," she said, and kissed him again.
Epilogue
Four
years later
Louise was sitting on the swing, watching her daughter as she ran towards her laughing. Suddenly the girl stumbled and fell.
"Mama, Mama, Emma's hurt."
Lou rose lazily from the swing and went to the crying girl. She picked her up in her arms.
"Mama will give you a miracle kiss and you won't hurt anymore."
Louise smiled down at her son. Though only five minutes older than his sister, he felt superiority over her.
Louise sat back on the swing, her daughter in her arms. She kissed the little girl and ruffled the boy's hair. "James, why won't you go and see if your father would like to come in for supper."
She kissed Emma again and went inside, carrying the three years old on her hip. Emma stopped crying for now, happy to be dotted on.
"What was that all about?" Jo asked from the kitchen counter.
"Emma took a little fall." Louise answered her eldest daughter.
Jo reached her arms to Emma. She laughed as Emma made a pitiful face. "Let's look at that bruise." She said, taking her sister out of the kitchen.
Lou
sighed contentedly as she watched her daughters retreat. Life was good
for the
Kid and her married a month after she said yes. They had a small wedding with only their daughter, Sarah and a few other neighbors.
Louise smiled as she remembered their wedding night. The love they made was different than ever before. She was sure that was the night the twins were conceived. When the sun rose they were still up, as if they could not let go of each other long enough to fall asleep.
They
went down for breakfast and were greeted by a grinning Jo and a
wonderful smell
of freshly backed rolls. "Morning, Ma." She kissed her mother on her
cheek. "
Kid stood in her arms dumbfounded at first. It took him only a couple of seconds to get a grip on himself and hug her close. He kissed the top of her head, as tears pricked his eyes. He looked at his wife and saw tears in her eyes as well. She grinned at him, then rushed towards them. When Sarah entered the house she found the small family engulfed in a teary hug.
"A penny for your thoughts."
Louise leaned back at her husband as he hugged her waist. "I was just reminiscing."
"Looks like a life time ago, isn't it?" Kid said into her hair.
Lou nodded. "I can't believe Jo's getting married."
"I know." He said. Lou turned in his arms and was now facing him. "He's a nice man, though." He added after a few minutes.
"He is." Lou leaned her head on his chest. "I just can't believe our little girl is getting married."
"She's not a little girl," Kid said.
"I know she isn't, but for me she'll always be."
Kid hugged her close.
"Emma, come quick, Pa and Ma are hugging!"
Kid and Lou chuckled at the boy. "How very observant of you." Kid said as he entangled himself from Lou.
James was followed to the kitchen by Jo and Emma.
"Isn't Charlie joining us tonight?" Louise asked as she brought the pot to the table and seated herself.
"He said we should not see each other for a couple of days now until the wedding." Jo shrugged. "Said it will be more special when we do see each other at the wedding."
"Sounds like a good plan." Kid told his daughter.
"I don't know." Jo said. "I saw him this morning and I miss him already. How can I wait a couple more days?"
"It will pass before you know it." Louise said reassuringly.
"I know, Ma." Jo sighed. "I just can't wait to start my life with him."
Lou and Kid exchanged knowing looks. "Patience is a virtue." Kid said, not allowing himself to look at Jo.
"You should talk." Jo smiled at him.
Kid blushed and shot a murderous glance at Lou.
"What did I do?" she exclaimed at him, grinning at his shyness.
"She's your daughter!" he said with a smile.
Lou leaned
and kissed his mouth, drawing giggles from the twins. "She's just as
yours, Kid. Just as yours."