And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight.

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like it’s nothing
And you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Three months, she hadn’t even known him that long, but that’s how long she had been mourning his loss. It had started out like a dream, but now it was like a nightmare, one that she wished with all her heart she would awaken from. Why? That’s all she could ask herself….why? She never deserved a man like Ike in the first place, and then she had gotten him killed. His life was worth a hundred of hers. He shouldn’t have done it. He couldn’t have loved her that much, though God knew she loved him. She sat with the note from Ike’s pocket in her lap. She had tried for weeks just to open it, but something wouldn’t let her. He hadn’t given it to her. Buck had given it to her saying that he had stopped reading when he realized who it was for. She just couldn’t read it. If she opened it then Ike was truly dead.

The paper was neatly folded, although the paper was increasingly fragile as she never seemed to let it go. She unfolded it for the millionth time and let her eyes wander over Ike’s delicate handwriting. It was probably the last thing he had written and it was to her. She had never read the words before, they always were just letters, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye. This time though the words seemed to come to life before her eyes.

My beautiful Emily,

Words have never been easy for me, probably because I have never really used them. I always have to wait for someone to understand what I am trying to say, my words never directly reach anyone. With you though it is different, you see something in me, something that no one has ever seen before. No this isn’t coming out right. Here…

I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms forever. When your not there it’s like a part of me is missing. It has always been missing I just never knew. You make me complete.

I have seen so much pain in this world, and so much hate. I know this world isn’t perfect and it just might pull us apart just as it seems to pull everything good apart, but I will still love you. I won’t cry when your away from me, I love you too much. I have no tears at the thought of losing you. My heart cannot even stand the thought of it, I would die if that were so.

I want you to know of my love and this is the one way I can explain it to you. I feel like a coward putting my love on paper, but truly every word comes straight from my heart. I can feel your love, close your eyes and maybe you can feel mine too. I want you to know that even when I’m not around, you have my heart, even if your destiny is not to be together with me, I will always love you, and wish you love. I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to get this to your hand, but I want you to know nothing is to good for you and I would give my life to see you safe and happy. I would do it willingly and without fear because my life is already yours as much as anyone’s can ever be.

I love you
-Ike

As tears formed on her cheeks for the thousandth time she felt a stirring in her stomach. She closed her eyes as the tears slid down her cheeks. She could almost feel his arms around her again her. Her heart was in a thousand pieces but each tear brought a small part back to place. She put the gun back in the bedside drawer and learned back on the bed. If the doctor was right in a few months she would have another reminder of Ike’s love, and now she knew it was right. Ike would want this child to live. He wanted her to be happy, she could feel his love surrounding her as she cried herself to sleep. In her dreams Ike was alive and held her tight telling her all about how wonderful the child would be. She knew it would be, it had to be, it was Ike’s…

Ok, this was a song fic, the song is “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls, it is not mine nor are the characters in this story. The characters belong to the creaters of "The Young Riders" tv program, I am just borrowing them and the song for a couple of minutes.

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