A/N: At the end of Peanut's bittersweet story "Moving On," she encouraged anyone to write a sequel. Being the Kid and Lou fan that I am, I absolutely could not rest until I reunited them. The Prologue takes place a year after her story ended, and the rest of the story fours years after that, making it five years after Kid broke his engagement with Lou and left to fight in the Civil War. Thank you, Peanut, for a great story and an idea that would not let me go. I hope you enjoy my vision of what happened next.

Prologue

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me

Sitting in my room above the store, I listen to sounds of the drops hitting the roof and watch the rain soak the dry earth outside my window. Perhaps it's my imagination, but it seems like it rains more since you left. In my dark days, I thought nature was mourning along with me but not anymore. I used to cry on lonely days like this, but now even the rain doesn't bring the tears. I have a job and responsibilities, and I can't afford to lose control. My outward appearance may be that of a woman now, but in my heart, I have returned to those early days of my masquerade, hiding from the pain and trusting no one.

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

They say soldiers never cry, but I know I'm not the only one who cries at night. Perhaps the saying is true, because when the tears fall, I'm no longer a soldier, just a man who can't forget. I lay awake, waiting in vain for the blessed escape of sleep. Dreams rarely come, but when they do, I am by your side, watching a beautiful girl sleep peacefully in her crib. Sometimes before I open my eyes, I feel your breath on my check and can't wait to pick up my little angel again. But morning brings reality, and the heaven of my dreams fades into the hell of this ugly war.

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

My days keep me busy, but I can't hide from the pain in the dark of the night. Then I replay the conversations, the arguments, the looks, the glares, the embraces, the cold shoulders, the pleasure and the pain. I remember you holding me close after we first made love, and I remember you saying goodbye and leaving me for an ideal. These are the memories I will not let go of, the good and the bad. Holding them comforts and tortures me, but even the memories don't bring the most pain.

What hurts the most
Was being so close

I almost had everything I ever dreamed of: a wife who loved me, the possibility of children, and most importantly, a future together. I was so close then, and I threw it away for what I thought was more important. People say that if a man doesn't have his principles, he doesn't have anything. But clinging to my principles cost me everything. They don't keep me warm at night, they don't comfort me when faced with the daily reality of death and decay, and they do nothing to ease the aching regret that I feel. Knowing that it was within my grasp, and I let it slip through my fingers, is killing me.

And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

There's so much I wish I could have said to you before you left. "I love you…I hate you…I understand…I will never understand…I need you…I want you…I love you…I love you…I love you…" Oh, Kid, why did you have to go? Don't you know I would have come with you if you had asked me to? Don't you know I would have waited if only you would have vowed to be mine always? But you took away my choice that day. I thought you were done trying to make my decisions for me, but I guess you had to do it one last time, trying to protect me as always. But you didn't. I died the day you rode away.

And never knowing
What could have been

The vision of that little girl haunts me, though she is a recent addition to my dreams. I used to see you, rounded with my child, lovingly whispering to the child within. Now a year after I left, I see a healthy baby girl who looks just like you and seems to grow bigger in each dream. I woke with a smile on my face after seeing her smile for the first time. I woke with tears in my eyes the first time I saw you nursing her, singing a quiet lullaby as you rocked her gently. Oh, Lou, how could I leave you, both of you? If she's just a dream, why does it seem so real? Would we have given her a little brother someday? A little sister? I will never know what could have been.

And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

There were still so many uncertainties before you left, but I thought I could at least count on your love for me and mine for you. Once again I am reminded that my love wasn't enough to keep you from leaving. I wasn't trying to change you or tie you down; I just wanted to love you. I thought it was enough to build on, but it wasn't. The one person who would have been enough to keep you here is sleeping peacefully in her crib, blissfully ignorant that her daddy is hundreds of miles away. Part of me hates that I have to keep her from you, but you made your choice when you made mine for me. You didn't want to make any promises that you couldn't keep, and I don't want her to hope to see a daddy that may never come home. This way is better - I can protect her and you from suffering unnecessarily. She will never know. You will never know. But I will always know, and no one can protect me from the knowledge that my baby doesn't have a daddy because my love wasn't enough.

Staring blankly into a campfire, a man whispers, "I love you, Lou."

Drowning her sorrows in the rain, a woman whispers, "I love you, Kid."

* lyrics from "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts

Chapter 1

After receiving their luggage from the stage driver, Lou stared anxiously at the old Rock Creek station down the street. Five years. I can't believe it has been five years. So much has happened since I left my life here behind.

As if she had been reading her thoughts, her daughter Saralyn tugged at her sleeve to get her attention.

"Are we here? Is this where you used to ride the horses, Mama?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes, honey. It sure is." She sighed and continued to stare at the station, praying for the courage to continue.

"Louise? Are you sure you are up to this? We can always stay in a hotel or turn around and go home if you want. I'm sure your friends would understand," the handsome man at her side asked.

"I'm sure, Richard. I need to do this. They are my family," she replied, turning to address her friend and possible future husband. He was watching her carefully, the concern evident in his eyes. She found herself once again wishing she loved him.

Though he was ten years older than her, his face still had a boyish charm that was attractive. He was kind, understanding and stable. He was a good man. She cared about him, but she did not love him, at least not how she had loved Kid. There was no passion, no intensity, no feeling that she couldn't live without him. There was only friendship with a few kisses on the cheek and a marriage proposal that was as of yet unaccepted.

Richard knew that Lou did not love him and did not pretend to feelings he didn't have either. He was completely honest with her, which was reassuring, if not romantic. He was a widower who had lost the love of his life over seven years ago. He wasn't looking for romance, or at least not initially. He wanted a companion and friend to share his life with and with time, hopefully love and romance would follow. She clearly remembered their conversation that evening after he had proposed marriage. They rocked slowly on his porch swing, close but not touching. Her daughter had already fallen asleep on the couch inside, so they enjoyed the moments of peace before their talk turned to serious matters.

"Louise, you're a good woman and a good mother to Saralyn. You run the store with ease, and you don't let anyone push you around. You had plenty of reasons to give up, but you didn't, and I admire that. I know you don't need a husband, but I hope you'll consider my offer. I care about you and Saralyn, and I think we could be happy as a family."

Lou had suspected that he might propose marriage, but the proposal still left her numb with shock and uncertainty. Finally collecting her thoughts, she replied, "I don't know what to say, Richard. I do care about you, but I've always believed that the only reason to marry is for love. After seeing a loveless marriage growing up, I don't want that for myself, even if you are a good man and nothing like my father."

"I know exactly how you feel; I felt the same way years ago. I also know that this isn't what you expected for your life. It wasn't what I expected either. But I've had a lot of time to think about this since Rebecca died, and the one thing I've learned is that life doesn't always give us what we want. Sometimes you just have to do the best with what you've been given. And even though we're not blushing teenagers, that doesn't mean love won't come in time. I don't want to rush you to decide, and even if you do marry me, I won't force anything on you, not a single thing."

Lou knew he was referring to the so-called "marital duties" and was grateful for his frankness, not to mention consideration, in this.

"I appreciate that, and believe me when I say that my head wants me to accept, but my heart isn't ready. You know about Saralyn's father. Even though I hate him for leaving me, I still love him. It doesn't make much sense, but sometimes love don't always make sense."

Even as she said the words, she remembered the conversation with Jimmy years ago after she and Kid had broken up. He had asked her, "Is that what you say about the Kid? There'll be others?" and she had replied, "I try to." She had tried to believe it then, and she tried to believe it now, although she found herself failing both times.

Richard nodded and there was a trace of a smile on his face as he continued. "Sometimes I feel the same way about my wife. She didn't choose to leave me, but it was easier to be angry at her than to mourn her."

"Even though Kid had a choice, I've come to understand that in a way, he didn't. In his own mind, he had to the right thing, which meant fighting for the South. He wasn't willing to risk my safety by taking me with him, but he didn't want to break his promise about not riding on without me either. Breaking our engagement was the only way in his mind."

She looked out into the night, his face as clear in her mind as the day he said goodbye. While time had brought this understanding of Kid's motivation, the knowledge had not brought her any comfort. The tears that seemed always ready to fall streamed down her face, but she did not sob or sniffle. Hers was a quiet grief.

Richard broke into her memories with a sigh. "I understand you still love him, but I will never understand him. It may have been the right choice in his mind, but I will never believe that leaving the one you love is right, no matter the reason." He paused as he prepared to speak the words he knew would cause pain. "My offer still stands regardless, but if we're going to have any chance at finding happiness together, you have to let go of his memory. It is haunting you, and the worst part is that you want to be haunted. A ghost isn't good company, and it can't keep you warm at night. Please think about it, Louise."

And she had thought about it. Richard had spoken the truth, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. Over time, she did feel less haunted, but Kid continued to remain a presence in her life, in her heart. When she looked at her daughter, she saw him in her innocent and determined spirit. Even without his influence, Saralyn had developed many of his characters traits, much to Lou's both joy and grief. His imprint was clearly on her, though in looks she favored her mother.

And then there were the frequent rides across the plains. Sometimes she felt so certain that if she just turned her head, Kid would be right behind her, spurring Katy to catch up. It was only recently that she stopped looking for him. But even with eyes trained forward, the wind was his breath caressing her face and her coat his arms around her, holding her close. It was an eerie, comforting and frustrating feeling.

If letting go of Kid was hard in Denver, she worried how she would handle this visit to Rock Creek, the place where she first dreamed of a future with him and the place where she had lost those dreams. But she had not visited Rachel and Teaspoon in Rock Creek since she had left five years ago, and she couldn't put off the inevitable return to Rock Creek any longer. Though they had visited her in Denver when Saralyn was born and on her first two birthdays, it had been almost two years since she had seen them. Even the frequent letters back and forth could not replace her need to see the people who filled the void left after losing her own parents. Looking at Saralyn's face, she knew she also had to face the memories for her sake. She needed to know her "grandparents," and Lou wanted her to hear more about her days in the Express. She had told Saralyn as much as she could, even a few stories about Kid. But she always held back, hoarding the memories that caused her pain.

As Lou finally began walking toward Rachel's house, the memories washed over her. She saw chats on the porch with Rachel, stolen kisses in the barn with Kid and playful fights in the bunkhouse with the guys. She was tempted to peek in the bunkhouse first, wishing for just a moment that she could travel back in time, and she unconsciously stopped again. A light tap on her arm brought her back to the present, and she accepted Richard's hand as they looked at the front porch before them. Instead of letting go, he continued to hold her hand, occasionally giving it a gentle squeeze before whispering, "Don't forget that I'm here for you, whatever you need."

"I know. Thank you," she replied, grateful for his support and friendship at a time when she would like nothing better than to run away.

Unfortunately, Saralyn had none of Richard's patience, and she squirmed as she waited for her mother. "Mama, come on! I'm hungry!" she exclaimed.

Lou laughed at her daughter's eagerness, hoping to draw strength from her excitement. "Alright, sugar. Grandma Rachel makes the best dinners in the world, and I don't want to be late."

Dropping Richard's hand, she moved to take her daughter's, leaving him to follow behind as they walked to the door. When they entered the house, they could hear the sounds of voices coming from the dining room. She stooped to look into Saralyn's eyes and said, "Are you ready to meet your family?"

Taking that as her cue, Saralyn rushed towards the sound of the voices and loudly announced to the dining room, "We're here!" Lou and Richard exchanged an amused look and then moved to join the group. Gently chastising her daughter and fixing her dress, Lou did not pay attention to those gathered at the dining table. After satisfying herself that her daughter looked presentable, she smiled and began her greetings.

"This young lady with the loud voice is my daughter Saralyn, and this is my good friend Richard. Saralyn, Richard, this is my family." She gestured towards each person as she spoke. "This is Grandma Rachel, and that's Grandpa Teaspoon, and there's Uncle Buck and that's…Kid?"

Her voice trailed off and then broke into a whisper as she studied the man sitting at the table. While the others had immediately risen to greet them, he sat silently at the table, his gaze fixed on his plate. Hearing his name spoken, he tentatively raised his eyes to meet hers. She gasped as theirs eyes met, and she unconsciously took a step backwards. He visibly flinched at her action, and she was amazed to see the depth of anguish in his gaze.

"Lou," he said quietly, his voice uncertain. Seeing the woman who still haunted his dreams standing before him left him overwhelmed with emotion. She was more beautiful than he remembered, dressed in a simple green dress and her hair, now long, lay in a long braid down her back. He stole quick glances but could not bring himself to meet her eyes, afraid of what he would see in them, knowing that he was to blame for it. He waited to hear her lash out in anger, weep in pain or even dismiss him entirely, but she did not. He could feel her eyes bore into him with a look that could only be described as complete and total shock.

As the seconds ticked on, he knew he ought to say something but all he could manage was her name. "Lou?" he whispered, the question apparent in his wavering voice.

Hearing her name spoken a second time with a hint of pleading in his tone snapped Lou back into reality. She had waited for him to vanish, but he remained, looking older, sadder, but as handsome as always. This was Kid - the man who held her heart and fathered her daughter. She could think of no words to convey the tempest of emotions swirling in her chest, and her only possible course of action was clear: escape. Just as she began to look for a way out, her daughter spoke, her confusion clear.

"Mama, what's wrong?"

Though she longed to run away immediately, she knew that she had to delay long enough to reassure Saralyn. It would be easier to fall apart, but she swallowed the urge and shouldered the sole burden of parenthood once again, knowing that she needed to handle her daughter's sensitive spirit carefully. Like her father, she tried to hide behind feigned indifference, but she cared deeply for others and would worry about her mother if she showed her feelings. Kneeling down before her daughter, she looked into her eyes, her back to Kid in attempt to maintain control of her emotions.

"Sweetie, Mama's had a long day, and she needs to get some rest. I need you to be a big girl and mind you manners and keep everyone company for me. Can you do that?" she said in the most even voice she could muster.

Saralyn nodded and looked her new family shyly. Seeing this, Rachel walked forward and held out her hand.

"Why don't you come sit next to me? I can tell you all about your Mama when she rode in the Pony Express, and you can tell me about your home in Denver, okay?" Rachel said warmly, as she led her to the table. Looking back over her shoulder at the still kneeling Lou, she added, "Lou, why don't you go lie down upstairs in the spare bedroom? I'll bring you up a plate later."

Still in a daze, Lou nodded once almost imperceptibly and rose to her feet. She moved slowly, a sleepwalker in a dream, and her footfalls echoed in the now silent house as she climbed the stairs.

"I shouldn't have come," Kid muttered uneasily to no one in particular. Grabbing his crutches, he rose unsteadily and hobbled out of the room, leaving three looks of pity and two of shock.

Chapter 2

Sunlight streamed in the window of the spare room in Rachel's house, and Lou slowly began to stir. Smiling to herself, she luxuriated in the feel of Kid's arms around her before she realized that she was alone. Her mind fully awoke, and the events of last night flooded her memory. Last night was still something of a blur, but she remembered one thing with pain-staking clarity: the moment in which she saw Kid for the first time in five years, the moment in which she knew her life was going to change, and the moment which still left her trembling in fear.

Lou had always told Saralyn that her father was a brave man who died fighting in the war. It had seemed the best explanation at the time because for all practical purposes, he was dead to them both. After that letter in which he had enclosed money as if to buy her forgiveness, the letter which had felt like a slap in the face, she had tried her best to pretend that Kid was dead, gone forever. When she had discovered she was carrying his child, she had decided almost instantly that she would not allow her child to suffer with uncertainty each day wondering whether she would ever see him again. Saralyn grew up believing that her father was a valiant soldier and a good man, and while she might wish for a father, she wouldn't hope for what was likely impossible.

And so Lou had stuck to her decision, trying to give Saralyn an image of a father she could be proud of, even if she could not give her the real thing. Over the past year, Richard had become a father figure to her daughter, something which she knew Saralyn desperately wanted and needed. As she grew older, she became aware of the fact that her playmates had fathers and brought up the subject frequently, asking if she could have a new father. Though this should have drawn her closer to Richard, seeing that he fulfilled her daughter's need for a father, instead she found herself pushing him away, unable to bare the thought of replacing Kid, even for the sake of her daughter.

In most respects, Lou was a devoted mother, loving and disciplining her daughter and working hard to give her a comfortable life. But to her shame, she remained completely selfish in refusing to let go of Kid. Richard had been right in saying that she held on to the ghost of her memories of Kid but was wrong in assuming that it gave her no comfort. Sometimes as she lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, she spoke to him, telling him of the day's events and about their daughter. These were her letters to him, never to be sent or heard. There was a tiny piece of her that hoped that somehow he heard and knew. As the years passed, her messages to him grew infrequent, but she never gave them up entirely. Something kept her speaking to him, the same something that wouldn't let him go. And now he is here, and I don't know what to do.

As she pondered the events of the evening, she suddenly realized that her daughter was not sleeping next to her. A few hours after Lou had escaped upstairs, Saralyn had burst in the room, full of excitement over the stories she had heard from her new family. She jabbered on about Grandma Rachel, Grandpa Teaspoon and Uncle Buck but said nothing of Kid. Lou was curious as to her daughter's reaction toward her father, but she wasn't ready to deal with the issue and thought it best to ignore it until she had a chance to speak to Kid. She had finally convinced her daughter to go to sleep with promises of more time with her new family, and the little girl slept peacefully while her mother lay awake, full of questions and doubts and old memories.

Generally her little early riser shook her awake every morning, but it appeared that today she allowed her mother to sleep in. Today of all days she lets me sleep in, and now I have no idea where she is, Lou grumbled as she quickly dressed. Motherhood had made her into a worrier, and though she knew it was natural to be concerned, she didn't want to become so over-protective that she wouldn't let her daughter grow up. She didn't like to admit it, but it had helped her understand why Kid used to worry so much

Glancing out the window that faced the corral, she saw two figures sitting on a bale of hay, watching the horses in the early morning light. Looking closely, she realized that it was Saralyn and Kid. Though she longed for her daughter to meet her father, she had decided in her late-night ponderings that she would have to spend some time talking with her and helping her to understand what was undoubtedly a confusing situation for a four year old. Seeing the two of them together now before she had a chance to even broach the subject made her angry. He's barely back into my life, and he's already making decisions again for me like he has the right. Well, I'm going to remind him that he gave up the right to have any say in my life or his daughter's life the moment he left me to fight in that stupid war.

Kid stared into the corral, watching a mare nuzzle her foal, and he couldn't help but think about Lou and her daughter. The shock of seeing her again had prevented him from seeing anyone else, as if she were the only person in the room. After he escaped to the bunkhouse and the safety of his old bunk, the shock faded and slowly the rest of the scene replayed in his mind. "This young lady with the loud voice is my daughter Saralyn." Lou's voice echoed in his mind, and he couldn't help but think of his dreams and wonder if she could possibly be his. He had been so occupied with staring at Lou that he had barely glanced at the little girl, but he had seen enough to know that she was likely close to the right age. Knowing that she might be his and realizing that he had not even acknowledged her, he felt another wave of shame and regret pass over him.

I leave Lou, and then I walk out on the little girl who is probably my daughter. The truth is that they're both lucky that I left when I did. I obviously don't deserve to know either one of them, since all I do is hurt them. I can't take back what I did back then, but maybe I can leave before I hurt them anymore.

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a voice addressing him. "Hey, mister, did you used to know my Mama when she rode the horses?"

Standing there was Saralyn, looking at him with a mixture of excitement, wonder and caution. He fully looked at the little girl in front of him for the first time and saw the wide brown eyes that mirrored Lou's and long reddish brown hair braided into pigtails. She was happy, healthy and his, the exact replica of the little girl in his dreams. Though the dreams had dwindled in the years since he left to go to war, they had never left him completely, and he had continued to long for the blessed release of sleep, in which he could hope for one more vision of Lou and the little girl. Kid had always assumed that she was a figment of his imagination, a dream, but not a reality. Seeing her standing before him was incomprehensible, but here she was nonetheless and expecting a response.

"Yes, I did know your Mama when we rode for the Pony Express. She was the fastest rider we had," he said quietly, the traces of a smile on his face as he remembered those earlier days.

"Tell me a story about her, please. You left last night before I could ask you for one."

Kid smiled at her childish excitement. It was hard to wallow in self-pity when faced with such enthusiasm, and all he thought about in that moment was making her smile.

"You're right. I did leave early, and I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to tell you a story. Why don't you sit here next to me, and I'll make it up to you by thinking of a good one, okay?" he asked, leaning back on the bales of hay stacked behind him. She nodded and sat down next to him, her eyes now trusting and eager.

His mind replayed many memories, most too personal and painful to share with the innocent little girl in front of him. He smiled as he thought back to the early days and one of the many occasions in which Lou proved her love, even before she had said it.

"One time all of us riders were trying to stop these men from riding into an Indian burial ground. There were a lot more of them than there were of us, and it didn't look so good for us. When I was reloading my gun, I got shot in the arm. Now I was pretty scared then because I thought for sure they'd see me down and just finish the job. But your Mama was so brave - she ran over and pulled me to safety. Then she made me a sling and got me a gun so I could defend myself, and then she stuck close by to make sure I was alright. That's how your Mama was. She was always looking out for us, and we could always count on her to be there for us."

He finished the story feeling the bittersweet sadness he felt whenever he thought about those days. It gave him a measure of peace to relive those moments, but it was always replaced by the heavy weight of regret, especially when he remembered how Lou put her life on the line for him.

In her innocence, Saralyn saw nothing of his pain and giggled in delight. "Thanks. That's a good story. My Mama is the best Mama in whole world."

"Your Mama is very special," he answered, trying to mask the raw emotion in his voice. He paused as he prepared to ask the question that could truly make her his. The four simple words seemed to be stuck in his throat, but he finally managed to ask, "How old are you?"

"I'm four years old. What happened to your leg?" she asked, changing the subject as quickly as her interest shifted, leaving him no opportunity to contemplate what he had just learned.

Kid looked down at his legs, the right one stopping just below his knee. He had thought of it as an outward punishment for leaving Lou, and now apparently Saralyn as well. Looking into her eyes again, he did not see judgment, pity or even revulsion, merely curiosity.

"I got hurt in the war, and they had to cut it off or else I would have died."

He kept the explanation as simple as possible, avoiding the horrors that he had endured in the battlefield hospital. Those were the darkest days of his life, and he did his best to block the memories of the only time in his life that he wished for death.

Saralyn nodded as if she knew all about war. "My Daddy died in the war. Mama says he was a brave man and that he loved us very much."

Kid gulped down a large breath of air as he heard her refer to her father. "Do you remember your father?" he said quietly, holding his breath unconsciously as he awaited her answer.

"No, he left to go to war before I was born. Mama doesn't like to talk about him much, but she says he would have been very proud of me," she replied, twisting the hem of her dress in her fingers.

Tears formed in the corners of his eyes. "Saralyn, I know he would have been proud of you. I'm sure you're the best daughter in the world," he whispered, longing to take her in his arms and hold her close, but knowing that he gave up that right a long time ago. Instead he thought to himself over and over, I love you, Saralyn. Daddy loves you. I'm so proud of you. I love you.

Chapter 3

Lou stormed across the yard towards what should have been a beautiful scene of father and daughter, but hurt, confusion and fear had taken control, and she saw no beauty. As she approached Kid and Saralyn, she did her best to calm herself for her daughter's sake. Though she longed to rip into Kid and the sooner, the better, she knew it would be unfair for her daughter to witness it, even if she didn't know who he truly was. You're the adult. You're the parent, the only parent, so you better act like it, she told herself.

"There you are, young lady. You know better than to run off without telling me where you were going. I was worried about you," she gently scolded, focusing solely on her daughter and ignoring the presence of her former lover.

At the sound of her mother's voice, Saralyn had run up to greet her but stopped short as she realized she was in trouble. Hanging her head, she said, "I'm sorry, Mama. I just wanted to see the horses."

Lou smiled slightly as she pulled her daughter into her embrace. While she loved to run and play as most four year olds do, she had a kind heart beyond her years that amazed Lou. "I know you didn't mean to upset me, sugar. Next time please ask me permission so that I won't worry, okay?" Feeling the nod against her, she pulled away slightly to look into her daughter's face. "I have an idea. Why don't you collect the eggs for Grandma Rachel and then you can help her make breakfast? She can tell you more stories, and you can tell her all about how you're learning your letters like a big girl. How about that?"

"Okay, Mama!" she exclaimed as she scampered off towards the chicken coop. Watching her run away, Lou knew that she had to turn around and face Kid. Finding herself faced with the prospect, she realized she had no idea what to say and so she chose to stare off into the distance a little longer.

Kid had watched the entire interaction between mother and daughter with awe. Lou was a mother and a good one at that. He had always known she had it in her, but discovering that he had missed seeing it was painful. And now she stood looking off into nothing, obviously avoiding him, and he decided that since he was the one to leave, he would have to be the one to make the first move. Towards what, he had no idea and did not dare to hope for anything beyond letting her know just how sorry he was.

"You've done good by her, Lou."

Last night his voice made her run. Today it made her angry. She spun around and faced him as he remained seated on the hay bale, his back still to her but his face turned, looking at her uncertainly.

"You're damn right I've done a good job. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to be both mother and father to her while you were off playing war? To pretend that everything was fine when I didn't know if the money would last to the end of the month? To scrimp and save and do without for months so that she could have a Christmas present? You have no idea what that was like for me, Kid!"

"You're right. I don't know." He wanted to say more, but his "practice speeches" dissolved in the heat of her anger.

She shook her head, brushing off his agreement. She wasn't done yelling yet. "What did you expect, Kid? That you could just show up and say I'm right and then I'd say everything was okay? Did you think I forgot that you broke your promise to never ride on without me? That because you're some big war hero now I would welcome you back with open arms?"

Her never-expressed rage was boiling now, and she hoped her next words would scald. "Some hero you are. You won't even stand up and face me like a man. And what happened to Mr. Southern Gentleman? I thought you were supposed to stand in the presence of a lady. Did you lose your manners in the war while you were fighting for some damn ideal? I guess you weren't ever much of a man or a gentleman if you're afraid to stand up to me now." Her eyes glowed brightly with self-righteous indignation and triumph.

At first he did not appear to respond, and she scoffed at his cowardice. The thrill of victory faded as she watched him reach for something at his side and then slowly pull himself into a standing position, leaning heavily on his crutches. With a look of determination that did not mask the pain the action caused him, he labored forward a few steps to face her, panting slightly with the effort. Lou's jaw dropped, and she gawked openly as her eyes swept his form to rest upon his missing right leg.

"Not so easy to yell at a cripple, is it?" he asked softly. He knew it was easier for her to lash out in anger than to show her pain, so he almost welcomed it, knowing he deserved it all.

Finally they locked eyes. As she gazed into the familiar crystal blues, she realized that she wasn't the only one who suffered all these years. She had played the role of the martyr in her mind, but seeing the broken man in front of her, it seemed foolish and childish, like a spoiled child seeking attention.

"I…I'm sorry, Kid," she murmured.

He saw the familiar wave of pity wash over her features, and he found himself missing the fire. The old Lou, the one who loved him, would feel anger, but not pity, not towards him. The old Lou respected him; this one did not. He could try to blame her for changing, but a glance at his legs reminded him that he was the one who had changed into a shell of a man. Suddenly he felt very tired and old.

"You have no reason to apologize to me, Lou. I earned this with every stupid decision I made starting with leaving you," he said, gingerly shifting his weight on his crutches before continuing. "Now that I have proven that I can stand up to you, do you mind if I sit down again? You're welcome to join me, if you don't mind sitting next to half a man." He hobbled forward and then dropping his crutches, sank to the bale of hay.

In a way, he's right, just not in the way he thinks. The man in front of her was half a man, but it wasn't a piece of his body that was missing - it was his spirit. Lou had pitied him when she first saw the stump of a leg, but hearing the self-deprecation and the brokenness in his voice made her realize that the greater loss was on the inside. As much as she had wanted to hurt him minutes before, now she searched her mind for something to offer that wouldn't bring pain.

Offering her support, she sat next to him and hoped that what she had to say would bring some comfort.

"Saralyn is your daughter."

"I know."

"How? She couldn't have told you. She thinks you're dead." She regretted the words the second they left her mouth as she saw the wince in his features.

"Yes, she told me that her father was dead. She also said that you said her father loved her very much and would have been very proud of her. I told her you were right. You know, I never stopped thinking of you. I've seen you in my dreams. At first you were pregnant, and then later you held the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I've watched her grow over the years, and if I thought death was truly just going to sleep forever, I would have ended it all a long time ago just so that I could see you both forever. Part of me hoped that she was real and that she was mine, but another part wished that she was another man's child, so I could know that you had moved on and were happy. But whatever I was thinking, know that I never let you go, even if you weren't mine to hold on to anymore. I've never stopped loving you, and I'm gonna regret leaving you until the day that I die."

After he finished pouring out his heart, he realized that tears were silently coursing down her cheeks. Just as he had with his daughter, he ached to hold her but couldn't. Seeing her shoulders begin to shake, he felt a surge of his old fighting spirit, and he impulsively grabbed her hand. For a brief moment, he thought she was going to let him comfort her in that small way, but instead she whipped her hand out of his grasp as though it had caused her pain and jumped to her feet.

"You know, Kid, I almost believed you. Now I see I'm just another conquest in your war. But I'm not some spoil of war, and you can't capture me with all the sorrys in the world!" she said coldly and strode towards the house, leaving Kid wishing for the fire of her anger now that he had experienced her cold indifference.

Chapter 4

To a stranger, Lou would have appeared perfectly content, but Rachel knew her well enough to know something had happened beyond the brief meeting with Kid last night. As she looked into her eyes across the table at breakfast, Rachel saw an even deeper sorrow there. She might smile and participate in the conversation, but it was obvious her mind was miles away, or more accurately, feet away in the bunkhouse where Kid had likely escaped. As much as she had been angry at his actions that cut Lou so deeply, Rachel couldn't help but feel sympathy for him now. He was clearly aware that he had made the worst decision of his life in leaving Lou, but the part that was most painful to see was his complete lack of hope. His innocence and fighting spirit had perished in the war, and she couldn't help but mourn the loss of the eager rider she once knew. She made up her mind to try to talk to him more; her attempts in the last week had failed miserably. Looking at Lou, she decided he would have to wait until she had spoken to Lou. Her pain was fresher.

Seeing Rachel rise and begin to collect the breakfast dishes, Lou decided it was now or never. Since her conversation with Kid, she had done some thinking and decided to do what was best for her daughter. "Saralyn, why don't you help Grandma Rachel with the dishes? Richard and I are going to talk on the porch for a while, and then I promise we'll come back to play."

"Okay, Mama."

"Rachel, do you mind?"

"That's fine, Lou. Take whatever time you need. I'll watch Saralyn while you talk with Richard." Rachel smiled at the two of them. Richard returned the smile warmly, but Lou was too preoccupied to notice. She walked out the door without saying another word, leaving him with little choice but to join her.

Before he left, Richard said, "Thank you for breakfast, Rachel. It was wonderful." They shared another smile, and then he followed Lou out the door and on to the front porch. She was already sitting on the swing, rocking absent-mindedly. He sat next to her, but she did not acknowledge his presence. He might not know her as well as Rachel, but he knew her well enough to know something was wrong.

"Louise, are you okay? You seemed distracted at breakfast." He touched her arm lightly, hoping to reassure her as well as bring her back into the present. He was successful at getting her attention, but he was surprised to see the distant look in her eyes, as if she were looking through him. When she spoke, her words shocked him.

"I think we should get married, the sooner, the better."

Though he had hoped she would eventually accept, this was hardly the manner in which he wanted it. There were no happy smiles, embraces or kisses, just a cold acceptance. This was not the Louise he knew, the Louise full of spirit and life and opinions. This wasn't the Lou that he hoped to fall in love with.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? You asked me, and now I accept."

"I mean, why now? Why the rush?"

"You asked me a couple of months ago. How is that rushing?"

"Louise, what happened? What are you running from?

"I'm not running from anything! You said you wanted a future with me. You said you wanted to be a father to Saralyn. I guess those were all just lies. Do me a favor, Richard - stop wasting my time!" she yelled, storming towards the door.

"Louise," his voice pleaded. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, listening but refusing to face him. "Marrying me won't make Kid disappear, and it won't stop you from loving him either." She hesitated a moment before pulling open the door forcefully and slamming it behind her.

"Men!" she exclaimed to Rachel before escaping up the stairs.

"Is Mama okay?" Saralyn asked, confused at the changes in her normally stable mother.

"Yes, honey, your Mama is fine. She just has some hard decisions to make, and she needs some time to think," Rachel replied, hoping that time was truly enough to solve the problems facing Lou and Kid.

Richard appeared in the doorway, looking defeated. "She upstairs?"

Rachel nodded. "Other than making a general complaint about the opposite sex, she didn't say anything else to me. Do you mind telling me what happened? I'd like to go talk with her, but it would help if I knew what was going on."

"Sure, I'd be happy to, but…" he said, staring in the direction of Saralyn. He didn't feel it was appropriate to involve the girl in the discussion, especially since she was at the age of frequent questions.

Rachel smiled, picking up the unspoken message. She approached the little girl sitting on the floor, playing happily with her doll. "Saralyn, how would you like to keep Grandpa Teaspoon company? I'm sure he has lots of stories to tell you."

"Can I see the other man instead? He only told me one story about Mama, and he was sad, and I want to make him feel better."

Rachel had an idea of whom she was referring to, but she had to be sure. "What man? Uncle Buck?"

Saralyn shook her head. "No, the man who doesn't have a leg. He fought in the war, just like my Daddy. Is he my uncle too?"

Rachel realized that Saralyn and Kid must have talked this morning, although she clearly was unaware that he was her father. I wonder if this has something to do with Lou's strange behavior, she mused. Remembering the girl's question, she paused, wondering how to answer it. Knowing it wasn't her place to reveal the true relationship, she decided a simple answer would be best.

"No, he's not your uncle. His name is Kid, and I bet he's hungry because he missed breakfast. Come on, honey, you can bring him a plate." She held out her hand, and together they went to the kitchen to fix a plate of food. Saralyn insisted on carrying the food, so Rachel walked next to her with a hand on her shoulder to keep her steady. When they reached the bunkhouse, she tapped lightly on the door before they entered.

Kid sat at the table, staring aimlessly into space. When he heard the light knock, he looked up and was surprised to see Rachel leading Saralyn into the bunkhouse.

Saralyn walked towards him and held out a plate of food. "Grandma Rachel says your name is Kid, but you're not my uncle. Here's your breakfast." He took the food from her with a small smile, still in awe of his daughter.

Rachel noticed his expression and immediately relaxed. She had worried how Kid would react to discovering the existence of his daughter, but the look on his face clearly proclaimed that he already loved her dearly. She also noted that he appeared to be happier than he had been ever since he arrived. Saralyn seemed at ease with her new "friend" as well, so Rachel decided to leave the two together, concluding that the visit would do them both a world of good.

"Kid, would you mind staying with Saralyn for a while?" Rachel asked. "She was hoping you could tell her some more stories about Lou, and I'm sure she would love to look at all the horses."

Instead of responding to Rachel, Kid turned his attention to his daughter. "Would you keep me company while I eat my breakfast? I can tell you more stories about your Mama, and then we can go see if the horses would like a sugar cube. If you want, I can tell you about the best horse in the whole world. Her name was Katy." He slid over a bit on the bench and patted the seat next to him.

Saralyn sat next to him and looked at him with wide, interested eyes. "The best horse in the whole world?" she asked in amazement.

Kid chuckled and nodded his head. "You bet she was. Sometimes it was like she could read my mind. This one time…"

Rachel gave him a quick smile and snuck out the door, leaving father and daughter alone together.

Chapter 5

Rachel found Richard waiting for her on the front porch swing. He smiled genuinely at her as she sat next to him, and she couldn't help but notice how handsome he was and that Lou's description didn't do him justice. He towered over both women, particularly Lou, and his dark brown hair and eyes were kind and dashing. From Lou's letters, she knew that he was a widower looking for a friend that could someday turn into more. She doubted Lou would ever love him, especially now that Kid was back in the picture. Though she never mentioned his name in her letters, he was a presence nonetheless.

"How is he reacting to Saralyn?" Richard asked, the concern obvious in his voice. Regardless of what happened between Lou and him, he wanted the best for the little girl who already meant so much to him.

"He's like a different person when he's with her," Rachel replied thoughtfully. "When he arrived unannounced at my doorstep not long before you and Lou, I could not believe he was the same young man I used to know. All his spark died in that damned war, and what's left is a shell of a man filled with pain and regret. When I saw him talking to Saralyn, it was like a piece of the old Kid had returned. He already loves her, that much is clear."

Richard's expression remained grave as he stared at the bunkhouse. "She certainly needs a father figure, but I'm worried. Worried that he'll leave her just like he left Lou."

"If you don't mind my asking, what's going on between you and Lou? This morning at breakfast she was so preoccupied, and then after she talked to you, she looked ready to spit nails. What did she want to talk to you about? You're welcome to tell me to mind my own business, but I can't help but worry about her myself."

Richard chuckled. "You hardly strike me as a busybody, Mrs. Dunne. You care about Lou - it's only natural to be concerned, especially when the gentleman who is pursuing her makes her angry. I don't imagine it looked good for me."

"Please, call me Rachel. And you don't need to worry about appearances with me. Besides, I know Lou well enough to know that it doesn't always take much to set her off. I think motherhood and losing Kid has sobered her a bit, but she still has a fighting spirit."

He grinned and nodded. "Yes, that is one of my favorite qualities in her, her fierce independence. She doesn't need a husband, just like I don't need a wife, but we could both benefit from a little companionship." Richard paused. "I imagine she has told you our situation - we are good friends who care for one another, and I asked her to consider marrying me in hopes that someday love would develop too. Actually, marriage was what she wanted to discuss this morning. She wants to marry me as soon as possible."

Rachel's jaw dropped. "She what?"

"She accepted my proposal and is ready to get married as soon as it can be arranged. If she had seemed the least bit eager, maybe I wouldn't have questioned it, but she looked like a man going to the gallows, resigned to accept his fate. When I asked her why the hurry, she got defensive and stormed out of there."

"Something must have happened this morning before breakfast. We know Saralyn talked to Kid; maybe Lou talked with him too. But what would make her want to rush into a marriage?" Rachel wondered. She vowed to confront Lou later.

"Honestly, I don't know what's going on in her mind, but she obviously isn't ready to deal with him. Maybe she thinks if she were to marry me, she could rub it in his face and get the satisfaction of revenge. Or maybe she's afraid that he'll hurt her again, and she figures that I'm 'safer' to be with. Maybe she's trying to protect Saralyn. Maybe it's all of those things. All I know is that I won't marry her if all she's looking for is an escape. It's not fair to anyone, especially Saralyn."

"You care a lot about her." She turned in the swing to face him.

He met her eyes and smiled. "Yes, I do. I always wanted children, but it wasn't to be, at least not with my first wife. I guess meeting Saralyn made me think I had another chance. Now I don't know. I want Lou to be happy, and Saralyn should know her father, but I don't trust him. What kind of man leaves behind the woman he loves and his child?"

"To be fair, he didn't know about Saralyn. As for leaving Lou, he honestly thought it was the right thing to do. Back then, he was still so naïve. He had learned a lot being with Lou, but he still had so much to learn about life. He never imagined how horrible war is, how long it would last and how much it would crush Lou. I think he saw it as temporary separation, nothing more. He certainly never stopped loving her. I understand your reluctance to trust him, but if you just talked with him, you'd realize what a good man he is. He would do anything for Lou, including leave and never come back."

Richard shook his head a bit in disbelief. "How do you know that? If he really cares, then why did he show up here in the first place? Didn't he know how much it would hurt her to see him again?" he asked.

"He told me. He won't talk much, but he did say that all he wanted was to let Lou know how much he regretted leaving her and how he would never stop loving her. I think he hoped it wouldn't hurt her, but he had to do this in order to move on with his life. He's not so innocent anymore - he's not expecting some joyful reunion. All he wants is to find some small measure of peace in telling her how sorry he is," Rachel replied, patting his arm lightly for a moment. The fact that he cared so much for Lou and her daughter endeared him to her even more than his good looks.

"I guess I'm not being fair to him. It's hard to be after seeing how Lou still holds onto his memory, even though it hurts her. But I don't suppose it would help Lou any for me to hate him." He thought a moment and then gave Rachel a look of great respect. "Lou told me how you used to help her and all the boys. I don't know how you managed it. It sure sounds like they were a handful."

She giggled. "Well, it wasn't a walk in the park. Lord knows I wanted to throttle 'em all at one time or another. But they grew to be like my family, and they gave me a purpose again when I needed it badly."

"I can't speak for the others, but I know Lou has missed you something fierce. Why don't you go talk to her now? I'm sure she could use some advice, or at least a friend to complain about men with. Seeing as I'm one of the enemy, I don't think she wants to see me right now," he said with a wink.

"I'm sure she'll calm down and forgive you, Richard. It's Kid I'm more worried about. You're right about it not helping Lou for you to hate him. Why don't you try to get to know him a little? He has a good heart, even though he made some bad decisions."

"Well if you recommend him, then he can't be too bad. You seem like an excellent judge of character."

"Thank you," she said with a slight blush. "Now go on and talk to Kid, and I'll talk to Lou. Maybe we can straighten these two out."

"I'll consider it a success if I don't slug Kid for hurting Lou," he joked.

"He'd probably let you. Lou, on the other hand, would probably punch you for hitting him, and then hit Kid herself."

"She probably would."

Chapter 6

When Rachel opened the door to the spare bedroom, she had expected to see Lou yelling, throwing things, pacing or even hitting the pillows. What she didn't expect to see was the image before her: Lou, curled into a ball on the bed, sobbing and clutching at a folded piece of paper. Rachel rushed to her side and wrapped her arms around her, whispering words of comfort as her sobs turned to whimpers, and finally she was still.

"Oh, honey, do you want to talk about it?" Rachel asked gently. She felt more at ease with Lou's anger than with her heartbreak.

"Why does everyone leave me?" she murmured, not turning her gaze from the wall.

"Louise, you know that's not true. What about me? What about Teaspoon and Buck? We never left; you left us. And more importantly, what about your beautiful little girl? She can't get enough of hearing about you and all your adventures."

Lou suddenly sat up and looked at Rachel worriedly. "Where is Saralyn? Who's watching her?"

Rachel shook her head in mock indignation. "Now did you think I would let anything happen to her? I thought you knew me a bit better than that. She is spending some time with her daddy and appears to be loving every second of it. When I left them, he was telling her about Katy."

Lou smiled faintly before her eyes widened incredulously. "Did you tell her that he's her father?"

"Of course not. It's your decision when and how you tell Saralyn about Kid." She paused. "You are going to tell her, right?"

Sinking into a heap on the bed, Lou groaned. "Oh, Rachel, I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything was easier before. I was miserable, but everything was simple. Now my world's turned upside down, and I'm still miserable. What should I do?"

"Well, for one thing, you shouldn't try to jump into a marriage to run away from your problems. That's not fair to Richard, and it isn't going to fix anything. I'm surprised at you - what were you thinking?" she asked. I'm done coddling her. It's time she faces up to this, Rachel thought.

Lou pulled away from Rachel and rose to her feet, pacing around as she spoke. "He told you? I can't believe him! I bet he sent you in here to talk to me too. Why do men always think they can control me? And you, you sound just like him. What was I thinking? I was thinking of Saralyn. He asked. I accepted. End of story!"

"I guess you don't really know me anymore if you think I'm gonna buy that pile you're shovelin'! You couldn't fool him. Why do you think you can fool me? I know that this has nothing to do with Richard's proposal and everything to do with Kid's arrival!"

"So what if it does? I've got to think about what's best for my daughter. There's no way in hell she's gonna get close to that man just so he can leave her!" Her breath came in great heaves as she struggled to calm her anger. Soon it turned into sobs that left her body shaking. Rachel hugged her close as she let out five years worth of anger and hurt. "I'm so scared. I didn't know what to do, so I panicked. I thought maybe I wouldn't have to face him again. I'm not strong enough to do that again. I can't."

When she had calmed Lou down, Rachel led her to sit beside her on the bed. As she looked at her, she realized just how fragile she really was. "Lou, I know it's hard to hear, but I think the reason that this is so hard for you is that you're still in love with him."

"I know I am."

Having expected her to attempt to deny it, Rachel was surprised to hear such a blunt answer. "You never did let go, did you?"

"No. I tried, but I never could. Saralyn may look like me, but she's all Kid's in every other way. How could I let him go when a piece of him never left?"

She had no answer for Lou's question, and she suspected Lou wasn't expecting one either. Instead she asked the question that had bothered her all morning. "What happened between you and him this morning? From the way you're acting, I know something must have happened."

Lou sighed. "When I saw Saralyn sitting with him, it made me crazy. All I could think of was protecting her. After I sent her in to see you, I lit into him. I told him he had no idea how hard it was for me all those years. He didn't deny it, and that made me even more angry. He was just sitting there, not even facing me, so I told him to stand up and face me like a man." She put her head in her hands in embarrassment.

"You couldn't have known about his leg, Louise."

"I know, but that didn't make me feel any better. I felt like such a fool. I think I honestly thought I was the only one to suffer, but seeing him made me realize that wasn't true. I…I told him about Saralyn. He just looked so defeated that I wanted to do anything to make him feel better."

"What did he say?"

"It was like he always knew about her. I don't know how, but he did." Lou decided not to share about Kid's dreams with Rachel. Somehow they felt too personal, too intimate to share, like a special secret just between the two of them. The truth was that they made her feel a connection to him that she hadn't felt in years, and it was too precious to discuss, even with her best friend. Kid used to be my best friend. It's almost like we had that back for just a moment.

Rachel replied curiously, "That's strange. If I didn't know better, I would think he did know somehow. When he first arrived, he asked specifically if you were married and had any children. I told him you weren't married, and then he asked about children again. I said no, and he seemed surprised by the answer, like he was sure I was going to say yes. I wanted to ask him about it, but since I was already lying about Saralyn, I didn't think it was wise. So then what happened?"

"He told me how sorry he was and how he would always regret leaving me. I started crying - I couldn't help it. He took my hand, and for one moment, I let myself enjoy it. But then I remembered that damn letter when he tried to buy my forgiveness, and I yelled and stormed off. And not long after I decided to marry Richard," Lou explained. She knew now that she did not really want to marry him and hoped that he would forgive her for toying around with him. I better apologize to him later, she decided.

"You know Kid regrets sending you that letter and the money. When he first showed up here, Buck wasn't exactly ready to welcome him with open arms without an explanation. He gave him hell, especially about that letter. Kid confessed that it was his guilty conscience that made him write it, but he wanted to take it back almost immediately." She drew Lou into a side-hug and gave her a quick squeeze. "He really does regret everything. I'm not telling you to forgive and forget and pretend like nothing happened. But for Saralyn's sake, I think you should let him in your life again. How much is up to you."

"That's what I'm afraid of. If I let him in a little, I'm afraid I'll let him in all the way. And that hurts too much to consider. Besides, I don't really see how we can just pick up where we left off. So much time has passed and too much has happened. He doesn't know me anymore, and I don't know him."

"So just start over. Try to forget the history between you for a little while. Find out who he is, and let him know you. Don't have any expectations, and just get to know each other."

"That's not as easy as it sounds, Rachel. We have a daughter together - it's not like we can pretend that she doesn't exist."

"You don't have to. In fact, maybe it's better if you both focus on her for a while instead of whatever exists or doesn't exist between you two. Let her know him as a person and maybe someday as a father. But don't try to punish him by keeping Saralyn away. It will only hurt her in the end. Think about it, and give it a try, okay?"

"Yes, Mommy," Lou quipped.

"Very funny. Now why don't you take some time to get yourself together, and I'll go check on Saralyn?"

"Are you sure? I feel like I keep pushing her on you."

"Don't worry about it. That's what 'grandmothers' are for, right? As long as you tell me every so often how I look far too young to be a grandma, I'll watch her whenever you need me," Rachel said, eyes twinkling.

"Hey, Rachel, have I ever told you that you look far too lovely to be anyone's grandmother?"

"No, I don't believe you have."

"Well, you are," Lou answered. As Rachel moved to the door, she added, "Thanks, Rachel. For everything."

"You're welcome, honey. By the way, have I ever told you how you look far too thin and beautiful to be a mother?" She winked and shut the door, leaving behind an amused and grateful Lou.

Chapter 7

As Richard walked toward the bunkhouse, he saw Buck headed toward the barn and changed his path to intercept him. Though he was not eager to be alone with Kid, he could not guarantee that he could control his temper and did not want Saralyn to witness any possible outbursts between the two men, one of whom would likely become her father. The thought of that deserter stepping in as her father made his blood boil, but he laid aside those feelings for her benefit.

"Buck! May I ask you a favor?" Richard asked as he finally caught up to the other man.

Buck looked puzzled but nodded.

"Would you watch Saralyn for a while? Rachel is talking with Lou, and I was hoping to talk with Kid, but he's with Saralyn. I don't think it's the kind of conversation she should witness."

Raising an eyebrow, Buck regarded him skeptically. "Talk? You want to talk with the man who broke the heart of the woman you're hoping to marry? No offense, Richard, but I'm not sure I'm eager to leave you alone with him. I may have been ready to pound him when he first showed up, but I'll be damned if I let a stranger do it. He hurt my sister, but he's still my brother."

"Believe it or not, but I don't want to hurt him," Richard replied. Seeing the disbelief still on the Kiowa's face, he added, "Okay, fine, I do want to hurt him, but I'm not going to. Rachel rightly reminded me that hating him won't help Lou any. I don't know whether will Lou decide to marry me, him or neither of us, but I do know she deserves a good man. Because I already care about Lou and Saralyn, I have to know that he will take care of her, if that's what she chooses."

Buck's eyes pierced directly into his, and he did his best not to flinch at the hard stare. Finally, when he was sure that he wouldn't agree, Buck smiled and stuck out his hand to shake.

"Knowing that makes me feel a lot better if she chooses you. You're a decent man for thinking of what's best for her. Of course I should have already known that because if you weren't, Lou would have sent you packin' a long time ago." He looked toward the bunkhouse a moment, thinking of his friend. "You know, he is a good man. I hated him for leaving her, but after seeing him so crushed, I found it hard to hold a grudge because he's already punished himself so much. He would do anything for Lou, including leave if she asked him to."

"That's exactly what Rachel said."

Buck chuckled. "Smart woman. Sounds like you've already benefited from her advice, among other things."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Richard asked defensively.

"You enjoyed her dinner last night, didn't you?" Buck strolled off the bunkhouse, leaving behind a gaping Richard. He didn't know Lou's family that well yet, but he could have sworn her friend was suggesting that he appreciated something else besides dinner.

He was still pondering that when Buck returned a few minutes later, leading Saralyn by the hand towards the barn. "He's all yours. Remember: talking only or you'll have me to answer to." Richard didn't doubt his seriousness.

He paused before opening the door into the bunkhouse. Having avoided the War Between the States, he was not entirely sure how a man felt going into battle, but he imagined it was something like this.

For his part, Kid was wondering who wanted to speak with him. All Buck would say was that someone wanted to talk to him, and he probably should listen. He hoped it was Lou - their earlier conversation had not gone as he wished, and he wanted the chance to apologize for taking her hand. Now acutely aware of how much he had hurt her, he decided to avoid any words or gestures that suggested intimacy. I lost that right years ago.

When the door creaked, he sat up quickly, only to slump back at the sight of Lou's "friend." Deep down, he felt the familiar twinge of jealousy flare up and then die as the now more common feeling of defeat replaced it. Whoever he is, I pushed Lou into his arms when I left. That thought disturbed him, however true it might be.

Richard approached him and held out his hand. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Richard, Lou's friend. You must be Kid, Saralyn's father."

Kid shook his hand firmly and indicated for him to take a seat. Jealousy took control again, and he snapped in response, "I imagine you're aiming to take over that position soon. Lucky you, you get a ready-made family including my daughter."

Richard's attempts at a friendly smile turned to a scowl. "Considering you abandoned them both, somebody should take your place. But my relationship with Lou and Saralyn is none of your business. You gave up the right to know when you left," he growled. He thought back to Rachel's words. Good man, my foot. This arrogant jerk thinks he owns them.

As he was developing his first impressions of Kid, Richard was surprised to see the other man's reaction to his words. Kid's shoulder slumped, his face fell, and he covered it with his hands for a moment as if he were hoping to hide from his shame. The tone of his voice as he replied held none of the assurance now, only despair and defeat.

"You're right. Lou don't owe me anything, least of all an explanation. I hope she'll let me give her mine someday."

"And you think that'll make it better? That she's just gonna forgive you and let you back into her life just like that? After what you did to her and Saralyn?" Richard asked in disbelief.

Kid shook his head. "No, I don't expect anything from her. I already know I lost her for good. And it's probably better that way. I don't have anything to offer them - I can hardly walk from here to the barn without a rest. She deserves a whole man."

"Yes, she does. She certainly deserves far better than a letter and some money and nothing more. And what about Saralyn? Did you realize how much she wants a father? How much she needs a father? She's old enough to realize that other children have one, but she doesn't. Lou doesn't know this, but Saralyn asked me not long ago if I would be her father. I didn't even know you then, but I hated you when I heard those words. All I could think was what kind of man abandons his family, war or not? Your friends seem to think there's a good man somewhere in there, but after all I've heard, I sure as hell don't see it." During his speech, Richard had risen to his feet and had begun pacing around the room. When he finished, he looked Kid straight in the eyes. He knew he was baiting him, and he didn't care. I promised Buck I wouldn't start a fight, but I didn't say anything about not fighting back.

Kid returned the stare. There was a heated tension in the air, and for a moment both men had clenched fists and steely gazes. Then inexplicably, Kid relaxed and chuckled to himself. Richard couldn't help but replace his fierce expression with one of confusion. What could he possibly find funny about this?

Seeing his perplexed look, Kid explained, "You know, five years ago, I would have knocked you across the room for saying something like that. But now, it don't seem to make much sense to fight you for speaking the truth."

"Are you sure about that? I wouldn't say no to a chance to give you the pounding you deserve," Richard replied, a wry smile of his face. As quickly as it flared, the tension was gone. He found it hard to argue with someone who agreed with everything he said, and the interaction provided him with a picture of different man than the one he expected.

"Besides, I've seen enough fighting to last me a lifetime."

"What is worth it?"

There was no hesitation in his response. "No. Not a lick of it. Ideals seem to get lost on the battlefield. Gets hard to remember what you're fightin' for. If I had had any hope of Lou wanting to see me, I would have deserted a long time ago. Guess that makes me a coward, but I'd have done it for her." He whispered, "I would do anything for her."

Lost in thought, Richard considered his words. He saw glimpses of honor and integrity in the broken man before him, but he wasn't about to let him off the hook entirely. "You say you'd do anything for her? Then listen to her and do exactly what she says. If she tells you to leave tomorrow, then go. If she wants to forget you ever existed, don't try to remind her. If she wants you to stay, then stay. But whatever you do, don't you dare hurt her. I will hunt you down for that, promise be damned. Trust me on that." Having said what he came to say, he walked to the door before he was stopped by Kid.

"What promise?"

He turned to face him, his hand still on the door. "Rachel and Buck made me promise to talk to you, not just beat the tar out of you."

Kid smiled at his friends' loyalty, especially knowing that they were holding back their own anger towards him. "If it'd make you feel better to give me that beating, I'll take it," he said.

"I know you would. But I think I'll save that privilege for Lou; she earned it. Better watch out for her right hook, Kid. It's fierce." He left the bunkhouse, whistling a jaunty tune.

Chapter 8

Ignoring his nerves, Kid decided to join the group for lunch. He wasn't sure how Lou would react to his presence and reminded himself to let her make the decision whether he was welcome or not. Richard's words had been hard to hear, but he took them to heart because he knew the other man was right.

He paused before the door, taking a moment to regain his breath after his painful climb up the porch steps. Balancing on his crutches, he opened the door and walked into the front room. The sight waiting for him there broke his heart: Lou was embracing Richard, her arms holding him close. They were obviously still deep in conversation; otherwise they would have likely heard the clomps and creaking of his crutches. Kid quietly cleared his throat, ashamed at intruding on such a private moment. He couldn't help but think to himself, I guess the best man won after all.

At the sound, Richard looked up and saw Kid standing before them nervously. He took a deep breath and said a quick prayer for strength and patience to get through this encounter. Pulling back slightly, he acknowledged the other man with a nod. Lou turned to look at what had caught Richard's attention and was surprised to see Kid. This is it. You have to face him without yelling. You can do this. She was able to manage a weak smile in greeting and hoped Kid would take the lead.

He did. "Hello, Lou, Richard. I was wondering whether it would be okay for me to join you all for lunch. I can eat in the bunkhouse if you'd prefer."

Lou thought for a moment. However much she wanted to tell him to stay in the bunkhouse, she swallowed that wish and remembered her daughter. "You're family, Kid. Of course you're welcome to eat with us. I'm sure Saralyn will be happy to see you again. Just promise me you won't tell her any embarrassing stories," she replied with feigned lightness.

"I promise, Lou," he replied, far more seriously than he intended. He cursed himself for trying to make more out of the situation than it required and hoped she wasn't remembering the promises he had broken in the past.

Seeing Lou's reaction to Kid's promise, Richard decided that he needed to defuse the situation before it went any further. "And promise me that you'll tell me all the embarrassing stories later. I need some ammunition against her since she likes to bring up all the times I've put my foot in my mouth."

"What, you mean like the time you asked me if I knew how to ride a horse, and then you offered to teach me?" she asked, giggling. "Or what about the time you accused me of stealing and then realized you hadn't added the day's total correctly?" She put her hands on her hips and adopted a look of mock sternness.

"I make a few innocent mistakes, and she has to remind me of them, what, weekly?"

"I suggest that both of keep your embarrassing stories to yourself, or you'll both be eating in the bunkhouse. Now let's eat," she said, leading the way into the dining room where they were shortly joined by Teaspoon, Buck and Rachel.

"What do you say, darlin'? Everyone else has spent some time with you, and I'm getting mighty jealous. Will you take your Grandpa fishing?" Teaspoon asked Saralyn, giving her his best puppy-dog look. She giggled at his funny faces.

"Okay, Grandpa. Can Momma come too?"

Lou smoothed a lock of her daughter's hair out of her eyes. "Honey, while you're fishing with Grandpa, I'm going to go on a ride. When you come back from fishing, you can tell all about how many fish you caught, okay?"

"Okay, Momma! May I be excused now?" Saralyn asked excitedly.

Lou pretended to scold her, obviously following a well-established routine. "You know you're not going anywhere until I get my kiss."

Saralyn stretched up and planted a big kiss on her mother's cheek and hugged her tight. "Now may I go?"

"You may. Be a good girl for your Grandpa, and bring back lots of fish."

Teaspoon laughed. "I don't know about the fish, but I think I can guarantee that this little darlin' will be a perfect angel, unlike her mother."

Lou rolled her eyes and then replied in a motherly tone, "Very funny, Teaspoon. I'd like her back all in one piece and preferably not all wet. This little fish likes to jump in the water if you aren't watching closely."

"I'll have her back in a few hours, safe and sound and dry. Enjoy your ride, Lou. Let's go, little fish," he responded, holding out a hand for Saralyn to take. She happily took his hand and followed him out the door, babbling all the way about the fishes.

Lou picked up a few dishes, but Richard quickly stood and took them from her hands. "Why don't you go ahead and get ready for your ride? I'd be happy to help Rachel with the dishes," he said with a small smile in Rachel's direction.

Buck chuckled to himself. When he realized that all eyes were turned in his direction, he mumbled, "Nothing. I better head back to the office. Thanks for lunch, Rachel."

Lou wondered what he had found so amusing but decided to interrogate him later. She rose to her feet. As if on cue, Kid also rose unsteadily, supporting his weight on the table in front of him. "Have a nice ride, Lou," he murmured and nodded his head. She smiled in response, pleasantly surprised at his simple display of standing in the presence of a lady. She left the room and went to change into a riding outfit, her heart feeling suddenly flustered.

Chapter 9

Kid had just pulled a saddle on a second horse when he heard footsteps entering into the barn. He turned to find Lou standing before him, practically glowing with excitement in the afternoon sunlight filtering in from the open door. She was dressed simply in a dark brown split skirt and a simple white shirt, her braid pinned up in a bun. The outfit brought a flash of memory, strolling down the streets of Davenport, and he smiled eagerly, her good mood infectious despite their current situation.

Finally he remembered to speak when she looked curiously at the two horses saddled and ready. "Hey. I wasn't sure which horse you'd want, so I decided to saddle these two. Buck tells me that they're both full of spirit but responsive. You can take your pick, and then I'll put up the other one."

"You didn't have to do this. I'm perfectly capable of saddling my own horse, you know," she replied. She had meant it to be a joke, but it sounded snippier than she intended.

"I know you can. I just wanted to do this for you. I figured that this way you wouldn't have to waste any of your riding time. Rachel hasn't told me much, but I don't imagine that you have much time for riding between your job and Saralyn."

"No, not nearly as much as I want. We don't have a horse of our own because it's too expensive to stable. Richard has a few, and I've taken Saralyn out a few times. But with her, I can't run the horse hard like we used to, and I miss it. What about you? Do you ride much these days?" she asked without thinking. Then glancing at his leg, she felt foolish. What if he can't ride anymore? I can't believe I just rubbed that in his face. Hoping to cover her mistake, she stammered, "I, I'm sorry, Kid. I didn't mean to bring that up."

His first instinct was to lash out at her expression of pity, but seeing her flustered and sincere expression, he bit his tongue. It's understandable that she doesn't know how to deal with this yet. I've had plenty of time, and it's still hard for me to deal with, he thought.

"It's okay, Lou. I haven't been riding much until lately - I didn't really have the strength before. Getting on and off ain't easy, but once I'm riding, it's like I'm back riding for the Express. 'Bout the only time I can forget, feel truly happy," he explained. "So which horse would you like? I'm sure you're ready to get out there."

Lou remembered Rachel's advice to get to know him, to start over. Richard had told her that he had talked to Kid but didn't elaborate on what they had discussed. Somehow she doubted his advice was the same as Rachel's - he was courting her after all - but she hoped they had reached some kind of agreement to be civil. The whole situation was just plain awkward: her former lover, with whom she was very much still in love, was meeting her friend, whom she did not love but was considering marrying. It didn't make any sense, but thinking of her daughter made her next words clear.

"Would you like to join me? We can both pretend we're back on another run for a while."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't think I'm your favorite person to be around now."

"No, I suppose not. But you're Saralyn's father, so you'll always be important to me."

Kid felt in awe of her words. He wasn't expecting to have any place in Lou's life, and to hear her say he was important was too much to comprehend. He could think of nothing else to say but, "Thank you."

Lou saw the emotion in his eyes and just nodded as she too processed her feelings. Before she could get too lost in her thoughts, she heard the sounds of movement. She watched curiously as Kid grabbed his crutches that were propped against the stable door. Scanning the room, he finally settled on something across the barn. He hobbled across the room and stopped in front of a crate. Leaning on one crutch, he used the other to shove the crate toward the horses. He took a few steps using the full support of his crutches and then repeated the process of leaning and shoving.

"Do you want any help?" Lou asked. She had noticed that the effort had already caused him to break a sweat.

"No!" he snapped, immediately regretting his harsh tone. "I mean, no thanks. I need the practice." He stopped for a moment to offer a small smile, hoping his words had not hurt her feelings.

Lou returned the smile and felt a flutter in her chest. The time apart from each other had done nothing to diminish the effect he had on her. As he resumed the task, she took the opportunity to study him. The sandy-brown hair was the same, except she noticed a white scar peaking out from under his hat that ran across the side of his head where the hair no longer grew. He was dressed similarly to his days in the Express, the only major change a rolled-up pants leg. His overall frame was lankier, as if he had been without food for some time and was only now beginning to regain the weight. She wondered what kind of conditions he had experienced during the war and hoped that someday he might share his experiences with her. Right now the pain seemed too fresh to bring up.

Finally Kid had pushed the crate next to one of the horses. She continued to watch in fascination as he managed to hoist himself on to the crate. She had almost offered to help again, but he had stopped and smiled at her before she could speak, as if he had known what she had been about to say. Standing on the crate with his crutches, he lifted the stump over first and sat down. Walking the horse towards the door, he stopped to grab a length of rope. When he had tied the crutches securely to the saddle on one side, he asked, "Ready to go?"

She nodded, and they rode off together, enjoying the speed, the freedom and the company.

After enjoying the feel of the wind on their faces for a while, they both unconsciously headed for a small stream that had been one of their favorite spots together during the Express. When they arrived, they tethered their horses and sat on some fallen logs. For several minutes, they just sat in silence, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the sounds of the water trickling downstream.

Lou glanced at Kid and noticed that although he looked more at peace here, there was still a lot of pain lying under the surface.

"Still beautiful here," she remarked, hoping to draw him into conversation.

"Yes, it is," he answered, meeting her eyes briefly and hazarding a smile, which she returned.

The silence returned, and Lou found herself shifting uncomfortably. Her feelings for him were as complicated as ever, but seeing him looking so forlorn hurt her more than she expected. In her darkest moments, she had thought of all kinds of punishments for him, but knowing that his spirit had been broken gave her no satisfaction.

"I'm glad you came riding with me," she said. "It's nicer to have some company." Considering he had barely said a word, it seemed silly to say, but she meant it.

Kid seemed too distracted to notice the comment. He asked quietly, "Why did you ask me?"

Lou thought for a moment. "It would be easier to hate you and pretend I never saw you, Kid…but I'd never forgive myself for keeping Saralyn from knowing her father. Whatever happened between us, she doesn't deserve to be punished for it," she concluded, echoing Rachel's earlier statements.

If she had expected this to make Kid feel better, she was mistaken. "I appreciate that, Lou. I really do. But I know I don't deserve to be in her life - I abandoned her when she needed me. And I don't know that keeping me away from her would be a punishment. What I would I be for her except a burden? I don't have much money, and I'm in no shape to do any of the jobs I could get. I can't protect her and provide for her like I should. She needs what I can't give her." He steeled himself, prepared for the pain which his next words would cause him. "It looks like she's already found a good father in Richard. He's a good man, Lou. I wish you the best."

"Did Richard tell you we were getting married?"

"No, I just assumed. Only a fool would walk away from you." A fool like me.

She heard his unspoken self-condemnation and knew she had to tell the truth. "He asked…but I haven't accepted."

"Oh," he replied. He felt relieved that the wedding wasn't already planned but couldn't help but wonder if she meant to add "yet" to her statement. "I still wish you the best, even though I know it ain't my business. Richard made that part real clear," he added, this time with a teasing grin.

"I'm sure he did." Lou giggled in spite of herself imagining Richard terrorizing a cowering Kid. It was amusing to consider because Richard was generally so mild-mannered. Not that she doubted he could be threatening if he wanted - his sense of loyalty was strong, one of the qualities which she admired in him.

After sharing a laugh, Lou became serious. "He's a good friend, and he loves Saralyn. Too bad I don't love him as anything but a friend. Don't know if I ever will."

Kid said nothing, amazed that she was sharing this with him.

"He doesn't love me either. He proposed hoping that someday we might grow to love one another. Maybe we would, but I couldn't imagine marrying someone who I didn't love with all my heart." I loved you with all my heart when I agreed to marry you, Kid. I think I still do.

Kid hung his head in shame, struck once again by how much he had lost. "He's a lucky man to have your friendship, if that's all you choose to give. I would give anything to get that back."

"You never lost it. I never hated you, not really." As she said it, she knew she meant it. She had been angry and hurt, but it was never enough to hate him, especially after seeing her daughter for the first time.

"Lou, I don't expect anything from you. All I wanted to do was tell you how sorry I was and how I will always regret leaving you. I did that, and I'll leave the moment you tell me to. You saying that I can have some part in Saralyn's life is more than I ever hoped for."

Off and on throughout their relationship, Kid had tried to control her, but now he was giving it all to her. The thought was staggering, and she found herself as overwhelmed as Kid was.

Trying to calm herself, she continued. "I don't know if I'm ready to tell Saralyn the truth yet, but I do know that I don't want you to leave. Rachel told me that we should start over for Saralyn's sake, and I think she's right. Maybe we should just forget about the past and get to know each other again."

"Really?" He couldn't believe she was offering him friendship after everything he had put her through.

"Sure." With a mischievous grin, she added, "I'm Louise McCloud. And you are?"

Though she acted in jest, he knew it was time to drop all pretenses. "Some people call me the Kid, but that's not my real name. My name is Jehoshaphat Foster. He was a good king in the Bible, but I can't say I ever liked his name. Couldn't even say it when I was a kid. Jed was the one who started calling me the Kid, probably the nicest thing he ever gave me."

"And we thought 'the Kid' was strange," she joked, pleasantly surprised that he finally trusted her with his most guarded secret.

He chuckled. It felt good to laugh with her, to talk with her like a friend. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it until now.

"I suppose you're gonna tell everyone now and get a good laugh at my expense."

"No, I think I'll let that be our secret." It was a small thing, but it was nice to share something like this with only him.

He smiled. "Well, we better head back. I'm sure Saralyn's had her fill of fishing by now."

"And Teaspoon is probably ready for a break. She has more energy than I thought possible for a human being to have. She probably wouldn't sleep if I didn't make her."

"There's a lot about children I don't know. Guess I'll need to learn now that we're properly introduced," he replied. Standing before her, he held out his hand and said, "Pleased to meet you, Louise."

"You met me already," she said and slapped his hand away lightly. They shared a laugh at that faraway memory before mounting up and riding "home," feeling freer than they had in years.

Chapter 10

They arrived in time to see Teaspoon and Saralyn displaying their catches to Rachel and Richard. Saralyn held up a fish that looked to be about a foot long, while Teaspoon's fish was half that size, if even that. Lou couldn't resist quipping as they rode up, "Looks like Saralyn needs to take you fishing more, Teaspoon. Maybe with a little practice you could catch a fish bigger than a four-year-old girl."

Teaspoon sputtered, but before he could respond, Saralyn rushed to her mother's side as she dismounted. "Look, Mama! Isn't it the best fish in the whole world? I caught him all by myself," she said proudly.

She dismounted and handed the reins to Teaspoon. "It sure is, baby. Let's go upstairs for a little rest, and you can tell me all about it. Thanks for the ride, Kid." She looked at him with an easy familiarity before taking her daughter by the hand and leading her inside. Kid's face lit up with happiness.

"I'll take her horse in with me, Teaspoon," he said, stretching out to receive the reins. He whistled a happy tune as he rode and lead the two horses into the barn.

Richard commented, "Looks like they're doing well. At least I don't see any fresh injuries on Kid, so I suppose Lou has managed to control her temper."

Rachel smiled at him. "Either that or she left the marks where we can't see them."

"Don't pretend to be surprised that they're doing so well," Teaspoon teased. "I know all about your conversations with the two of them. You two are sure fast friends, already scheming together."

"We have something in common. We both want Lou and Kid to be happy," Rachel said.

"Actually, my only concern is Lou. No offense to Kid, but he can take care of himself. Lou can't take another hurt from him. If she chooses to give him another chance, that's her decision, but if he leaves her again, he will answer to me," Richard replied.

Teaspoon studied him appraisingly. "You obviously care about Lou," he stated.

Richard nodded. "She's a good friend, and I gotta admit I'm smitten with that little girl of hers."

"But not Lou?" Teaspoon asked.

"Not how you mean. I admire Lou a great deal, but so far the only thing between us is friendship and an unanswered marriage proposal."

"Marriage proposal? Maybe I'm just an old romantic, but don't suitors generally love the girl they are proposing to?"

Richard laughed. "Yes, I suppose that's the way it generally goes. But Lou and I have both had bad luck when it comes to love. I lost my first wife, and you know about Lou. Because we are such good friends and because Saralyn needs a father, I suggested that we get married. It's more practical than romantic, but I guess I'm getting to the age where companionship is more important to me than sparks."

"I'm guessing Lou ain't so sure about that, considering she hasn't accepted your offer yet," Teaspoon noted sagely.

"That's so, but it's okay with me. I told her she had as much time as she needed. But now that Kid is back in her life, who knows? Like I said, I wish her the best, and I won't meddle as long as he doesn't hurt her again."

"I think Kid has learned his lesson about walking away from Lou, but he's gonna need some time before he's ready to be in a relationship again. War changes a man, and he's got his injury to deal with. I hope you'll be a friend to Lou as they get to know another again," Teaspoon said, wagging his finger slightly at Richard.

Rachel laughed at the exchange. "Okay, Teaspoon, I think you've grilled and lectured Richard enough for today. I think he's proven that he's looking out for Lou's best interest just like the rest of us. He was also a great help in preparing lunch, so I think I'm gonna take advantage of that again for dinner. What do you say?" she asked Richard saucily.

Richard bowed in mock formality. "Lead the way, my lady." The two entered the house, giggling like school children.

Teaspoon raised his eyebrows. "I think there's more goin' on in that kitchen than just cooking," he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

Chapter 11

Over the next week, Kid and Lou continued to spend time together, sometimes alone and sometimes with Saralyn. She thoroughly enjoyed all the attention paid her, and for the time being, didn't question why she was spending so much time with one particular "friend" of her mother's. Kid couldn't believe how smart and lively his daughter was and how easily she accepted him as her new playmate. Though he longed to be more to her, he still felt amazingly grateful that Lou allowed him to have any relationship with his daughter. Just as precious to him was the time spent with Lou. He had not believed it possible, but he was falling more in love with her every day, which proved to be more bitter than sweet. However much he might wish for more, he knew that he could never provide her the life she needed and that likely she acted out of pity in offering to renew their friendship.

Even though they frustrated him, Kid understood his feelings. Lou, on the other hand, could not explain exactly what the chaotic mix of emotions she experienced when she was with Kid. Though the pain and resentment still lay under the surface, she found herself feeling more comfortable with him and even eager to be near him. It was like medicine for an old wound which had never fully healed. His presence both hurt and soothed at the same time, and somehow she instinctively knew that she needed this time with him. Every night she lay awake for a long time trying to sort out all that was swirling in her mind and trying her best to squash thoughts of the future, which was still too uncertain to consider. One day at a time, she reminded herself continually.

One morning while they all sat at breakfast, Saralyn begged Lou to take her on a ride.

"Mama, you promised me that we'd go riding. I want to ride fast just like you used to," she pleaded.

"You should be glad the Express isn't in operation anymore, Lou," Buck said. "Saralyn sounds like she's ready to sign up."

Lou sighed and ruffled her daughter's hair. "Yes, she does like to worry me with all her daredevil stunts. I about died when she climbed halfway up a very tall tree when my back was turned. She's like a little monkey sometimes."

"What? Lou doesn't want her daughter to follow in her footsteps, chasing down the bad guys and riding on a fast horse?" Buck asked in mock surprise.

"Just you wait until you have one of your own, Mr. Cross, and you'll understand. It's one thing to stick my own neck out, but another to allow my daughter to do it. It's only natural to want to protect someone you care about." Lou thought for a moment. "I guess I know now why Kid worried so much about me during our Express days." The two of them locked eyes for a moment, and the others around the table suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if they were intruding into a private moment.

Luckily, Saralyn spoke up and diffused the tension. "Kid can take me. He promised to take me riding."

Kid shook his head at Lou's inquiring glance. "I didn't promise. I said we could go if it was alright with your mother."

Lou replied, "I have a better idea. Why don't the three of us go riding together? We can pack a picnic lunch and make a day of it."

Saralyn clapped her hands. "Let's go now!"

Everyone chuckled at her enthusiasm. "It'll take your Ma and Kid a little while to get everything ready. Let's do these dishes while we wait, honey," Rachel replied, leading Saralyn to the kitchen.

Buck clapped Richard on the back. "It looks like Rachel has replaced you as kitchen helper. But don't worry - she'll need someone when Saralyn's gone picnicking."

Richard blushed. "I'll manage," he mumbled, as Buck and Teaspoon laughed at his embarrassment.

Lou regarded him curiously. "Have you been spending all your time with Rachel? Come to think of it, you have been hanging around the kitchen more than I've ever seen you."

"I thought she'd appreciate some help, what with having extra company around," Richard said defensively.

"She's certainly glowing with appreciation," Teaspoon noted with a wink. "Come on, Buck. We better head to work. Y'all have a good day." The two left the dining room, chuckling to themselves.

Kid picked up his crutches. "I'll get the horses ready, Lou." After she nodded at him, he walked out, leaving Lou and Richard alone.

"I think it's great you're spending time with Rachel," she said, eyeing him closely to see his reaction.

"She is a fine woman," he replied with a smile.

"And you're a good match for her."

"A good match?" Richard asked tentatively. He already knew he was interested in pursuing Rachel, but he wasn't about to do anything until Lou approved. He had offered marriage and would stick to his promise if she wanted.

Lou nodded. "Yes, you are. I think you and I both know now we're better off as friends. And nothing would make me happier than seeing my two friends get married."

"Whoa there. I haven't proposed to her yet, and I don't intend to anytime soon. I think this time around I'll give love a chance again and take it slow. Besides, I need some time to cancel all our plans to get married as soon as possible, remember?"

Lou rolled her eyes. "You gonna be throwing that in my face any chance you get?"

"You know me well," he teased. His expression grew serious. "Everything okay between you and Kid?"

"I'm confused as ever, but he's treating me well. I know that's what you really wanted to know."

"I'm glad to hear it, but there is more to this than him being a gentleman. What's most important is what you want. You don't owe him anything. He can still have a place in Saralyn's life without anything else happening between the two of you."

"I know, Richard. I don't have any plans yet, and Kid certainly doesn't. He hasn't made a move beyond friendship; he hasn't said so, but I think he's leaving it up to me. I think I'll follow in your footsteps and give love a chance. If I don't, I'll always wonder what could have been."

"Do me a favor? Take it slow."

"I will. And thanks for everything." Lou opened her arms for a hug, and he returned her friendly embrace, thankful for her friendship and hopeful for both of their futures.

With Saralyn sitting securely in front of Lou, the newly-reunited family rode across the plains, although the pace was far slower than Lou and Kid's previous ride together. Saralyn continually shouted, "Faster, faster!" but Lou and Kid ignored the little girl's pleas, knowing that a true gallop would scare the girl and make them both far too nervous to enjoy the ride.

They dismounted at the stream again and set out their picnic supplies, while keeping an eye on Saralyn as she rambled around the rocks near the stream. Kid drew in a sharp breath as she jumped from one rock to another without a trace of fear on her face.

"I don't know how you handle this, Lou. I'm worried with every jump," Kid confessed.

Lou smiled at his concern. "I suppose you get used to it. But I've never stopped worrying, and I don't think I ever will. In my mind, she'll always be my baby, and it's hard to think of her going out into the world."

"What was she like as a baby?" Kid asked, in awe of Lou caring for a tiny infant.

"She's always known exactly what she wanted and had no problems making her wishes real clear. She would practically wake the whole town if I took too long in feeding her. I guess she's stubborn, just like her Ma." They both laughed.

"Nothing wrong with that," he replied. "How did you know what to do with her? I assume Rachel was there for a while, but it must have been hard caring for her on your own. I don't think I could have done it."

"Well, you certainly couldn't have fed her." Lou giggled as his ears turned red at her implication. "But yeah, Rachel did help for a while, and I did remember a few things from when Teresa was a baby. I was also real fortunate to have Richard's mother around to help too. She watched Saralyn when I went back to work."

"How did you meet her? Did Richard introduce you to her?" Kid asked, curious to finally hear some details of Lou's life after he left.

"No, I met her and his father years before I ever met Richard. Mrs. Wilson was the first person I got to know in Denver, right after I found out I was pregnant. She found me crying, and I told her about needing a job. She said her husband was getting older and needed help in his store and offered the job to me. Even after I told her about the pregnancy, she still wanted to help. She never did look down on me for it. She even protected me from shame by telling everyone I was a widow. In a way, I felt like one, so I didn't mind her saying it. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her." Lou's eyes misted slightly as she remembered those trying times. She didn't want to make Kid feel guilty, but she couldn't hold back her emotions.

Kid moved a bit closer to her on the blanket, while still maintaining a respectful distance. "I'm sorry. I guess me saying it doesn't make you feel better, though."

She quickly wiped her eyes, looking over at her daughter to check if she had seen her emotion. Fortunately, Saralyn was still playing happily by herself on the banks of the stream. "It doesn't take away the memories, but it does make me feel a little better." They sat quietly for a moment as she collected herself.

"When did you meet Richard, if you don't mind me asking?"

"He had visited his parents when I was still recovering from Saralyn's birth, so I missed meeting him then. He lived in California, too far away for frequent visits. Not long after Saralyn turned three, Mr. Wilson died, so Richard decided to move to Denver to be close to his mother. Besides, the store was now technically his, and he wanted to make sure it was in good hands, since obviously his mother was in no shape to run the store. At first, he wasn't convinced that a lady like me had a head for business, but I set him straight," Lou explained.

Kid laughed. "I bet you did."

"After a somewhat rocky start, we got to be good friends. Since I had to go to their farm nearby to pick up Saralyn after work, Mrs. Wilson started inviting me to stay for dinner. Saralyn seemed to like spending time with Richard, and I thought it would be good for her. Sometimes we would stay so late that Saralyn fell asleep on the couch, and Richard and I had some time to talk. I haven't had much time for friends since Saralyn was born, so it was nice to have another grown-up to talk to. A few months ago, he proposed to me. I'm sure Mrs. Wilson would have loved me to accept; she was always hinting about how much she thought of Saralyn and me as family. Besides, it gave her something to do, playing matchmaker, so we both let her have her fun. I guess he'll have to break the bad news to her when we get home."

"Bad news?" Kid asked, confused.

"I told Richard that I wasn't going to say yes, not now, not ever. I've realized that even though he's a good friend, I don't think I could ever see him as a husband. And with the way he and Rachel are looking at each other, I'd say it was for the best for them too," she replied with a twinkle in her eye.

"Rachel and Richard? Are you sure?"

Lou giggled. "You must have been distracted lately because anyone could see that they're attracted to each other. I admit, it took me a while to spot it, but now it's obvious. I think Buck picked up on it first. I swear, he never lost his touch when it comes to tracking, even if the prey is nothing but two lovebirds."

"What's a lovebird?" The voice of their daughter caught them off guard, as they hadn't realized she had wandered so close.

Before Lou could attempt an explanation, Kid asked, "What do you think a lovebird is?"

Saralyn considered. "I think it's a bird that's in love."

Kid's eyes lit up with exaggerated animation. "You're right! You're a smart young lady, you know that?" The girl beamed at his praise.

Lou felt a little emotional at seeing how well he related to their daughter but pushed the feeling aside. "Would you like some lunch, baby?"

"Yes, please," Saralyn responded politely, joining her parents on the blanket.

They all sat together and enjoyed their lunch, with Kid and Lou telling silly jokes and stories for the amusement of their daughter. After the meal, they explored the area with Saralyn leading the way, pointing out all her discoveries. Finally, seeing that it was getting close to dinnertime, they decided to pack up their picnic and head home.

"May I ride with Kid?" Saralyn asked her mother as they were about ready to leave. Kid already sat waiting on his horse.

Lou smiled. "It's fine by me. Why don't you ask him?"

"May I ride with you?" She looked up at him with pleading eyes, and he was amazed to realize the simple gesture made him love her even more.

"I would like that," he answered.

Lou lifted her daughter on to the saddle in front of him, and for the first time, he could hug his daughter close. Kid said nothing else, but the look he gave Lou spoke clearly for him.

Chapter 12

Though Saralyn had requested that they keep riding forever, her parents knew that the ride tired her more than she would ever admit. By the time they returned to Rachel's house, the little girl seemed surprisingly quiet, and her eyes drooped heavily during dinner. Too tired to protest, she followed Lou meekly when she declared it was bedtime.

As they headed towards the stairs, Saralyn said, "Can Kid tell me a bedtime story tonight?"

Lou glanced at Kid with a small smile before replying, "Sure, honey. I'm sure he'd love to tell you a story."

His daughter's request energized Kid's heart and body, and he climbed up the stairs with surprising speed considering his crutches. By the time he reached the spare bedroom, Lou was tucking Saralyn into bed.

"Goodnight, sweetie. Kid will tell you one story, and then it's time for you to go to sleep." Lou kissed her on the cheek and walked towards the door. "She's all yours," she whispered to Kid before leaving the room to give father and daughter a little time alone.

Kid sat at Saralyn's side, looking at his daughter with undisguised love and awe. Tears threatened to fall, and he quickly swallowed to hide his emotion. "So what kind of story would you like to hear? Another story about your Ma? Or maybe one about a beautiful princess and a handsome prince and a dragon?"

Saralyn considered the question very seriously. Though tempted by the princess story, the novelty of hearing about her ma hadn't worn off yet. "Tell me more about my Ma, please," she said politely.

He smiled at her manners and again marveled at how well Lou had raised their girl. "Let me see," he said, casting his mind back to their Express days again.

For the second time, he remembered a time when Lou had saved his neck. This time was even more personal, even more special to him because she had risked so much for him. He would have never asked her to do it, and truth be told, at the time, he was angry that she had done it, so fearful was he for her safety. Now, he thought he understood her reasoning, having willingly risked his life for so many men in the war. He would have done anything to protect his brothers-in-arms, much as he had in the Express, although the danger was even greater in the war. In fact, he lost his leg pushing another out of the way of incoming fire. Even in his darkest hours, he did not regret his choice. Knowing Lou, she wouldn't have regretted her choice, even if it had led to the unthinkable. After all these years, he finally realized that the woman he loved had a soldier's heart and would never be deterred by danger. Why didn't I appreciate you all those years ago, he thought to himself, so lost in the memories that he forgot that he had not told the story yet.

Saralyn tugged on his sleeve, bringing him back to reality. "Have you thought of a story yet?" she asked impatiently.

Kid smiled as he saw her eagerness. "There are lots of good stories about your ma, but I think I've got a good one, even better than the one I told you before. Remember how I said before how your ma always looked for us? There was another time when she helped me out of a tight spot, when I thought for sure I wasn't gonna make it. This bad man locked me in jail, even though I hadn't done nothing wrong. I didn't know how I was gonna get out. Then here comes your ma to my rescue. She distracted the bad man so the other riders could help me escape. I know I would have never made it out of there if it wasn't for your ma. She was so brave, and I don't think I ever told her thank you," he mused.

"Mama says you should always say thank when someone gives you something or does something nice," Saralyn replied.

Kid chuckled. "Your Ma is right, about lots of things. I guess it's time I told her thank you, huh? And I think it's time for you to go to sleep. You've had a big day, and you want to be ready for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" she asked curiously.

"You'll have to wait and see. I'm sure we can find something fun for you to do, that is, if you get your rest."

Saralyn snuggled further under the covers. "Okay, I'll go to sleep. Thank you for my story."

"You're welcome. Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite."

She responded with a giggle and a yawn. Within a few minutes, her eyes were shut, and her soft snores were the only noise she made. Kid sat watching her for a little longer, enjoying the beautiful and peaceful scene in front of him. Remembering his promise to thank Lou, he rose and exited the room as quietly as possible.

"Goodnight, sweet girl," he whispered before shutting the door behind him.

Kid found Lou rocking slowly on the front porch swing.

"May I join you?" he asked, indicating the seat next to her.

"I'd like that," she replied, stilling the movement of the swing until he got settled. Before he could speak, she added, "You're welcome."

Kid looked dumbfounded. "How did you know I came to say thank you?"

"I have a confession to make. I was eavesdropping on your story earlier. I heard you say you wished you had told me thank you after what happened with Lambert, so knowing you, I figured you were gonna find me. After all, you promised Saralyn, and you'd never break a promise to a lady, would you?" she said teasingly.

Though her comment was meant innocently, Kid's face fell as he remembered how he'd broken the most important promise of his life, to never ride on without Lou. "I wish I could say I hadn't, but we both know I can't."

Kid looked so melancholy and dejected that before she knew what she was doing, Lou reached over and kissed his cheek. She pulled away slightly and looked into the eyes she knew so well. Though he still looked hurt and confused, his proximity was enough for her to lose all rational thought. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed his lips insistently, ready to lose herself in the kiss. But just as her tongue danced into his mouth, he pulled away, moving as far away as he could on the bench seat.

Not meeting her gaze, he muttered, "I know you mean well, but I don't want your pity. I may be half a man, but I still have some pride left."

Lou felt as though she had been slapped. "You think I did that out of pity?"

"Can you honestly say that you weren't feeling sorry for me then, even a little bit?" When Lou did not respond, Kid continued, "That's what I thought."

Lou rose abruptly, the swing jerking abruptly with the sudden movement. She stood in front of Kid, forcing him to look at her. "So I shouldn't care that you suffered? I should just act like nothing happened to you?"

"I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that something happened to me," he replied sarcastically, gesturing at his stump. "But that don't mean you don't have to kiss me to make me feel better. You once told me not to act like your mother. Why don't you give me the same courtesy, Lou?"

"Did you ever think that maybe I might have another reason for kissing you?" she shouted, unconsciously slipping into the same tone she had adopted with him all those years ago when they would argue. "What about how wonderful you've been to Saralyn this past week? Is that a better reason? Or what about how you finally seem to understand why I did what I did with Lambert? How you finally don't want to control me? How after all these years I still love you?" As soon as the words left her mouth, her indignation left her instantly, replaced with shock and uncertainty. Did I just tell him that I love him? Afraid of seeing his reaction, she turned around, facing out into the yard.

Overwhelmed and shocked, Kid stared at her, hearing her words echo in his head. She loves me? That knowledge made a small part of him long to jump for joy, while the realist in him reminded him that he couldn't jump for joy even if he wanted to, let alone be anything but a burden to her.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I didn't mean to yell at you. But you kissing me gave me all kinds of ideas I shouldn't be having. We both know I can't give you and Saralyn what you need. I still want to be a part of Saralyn's life like you said, but I don't want you thinking it could be more. Just look at me," he said, this time with only regret in his voice.

"I have looked at you, Kid. It seems like you're the one who's doing all the pitying. Do you think Saralyn was thinking about your leg when you told her that story and tucked her into bed? It seems to me that you were perfectly capable of taking care of her then. And as for me, you ought to know by now that I don't like people telling me what to do or how to feel."

She faced him again. "You think you're the only one who's scared? I'm terrified. But at least I know better than to walk away from a good thing. I thought you would too by now." The regret in her voice matched that in his. With that, she left the porch, leaving Kid alone with his thoughts.

Neither Kid nor Lou found sleep easily that evening, wrestling long into the night with all that had occurred in the last few days.

Chapter 13

As Buck approached Rachel's house the following morning, he saw a tired Lou rocking absent-mindedly on the front porch swing. She gave him a half-hearted smile as he climbed the stairs before returning to staring off into the distance. Seeing the mournful look on her face, he joined her on the swing, wondering what had happened after dinner last night when she had seemed happier than she had in years.

"Late night?" he asked.

She sighed. "Yeah, I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I woke up this morning after only a few hours of sleep."

"Something on your mind keeping you up? Or maybe someone?"

Lou gave an exasperated grunt. "You know who I was thinking of, Mr. Perceptive, so quit dancin' around the issue."

"Well, I did figure it had something to do with Kid, but beyond that I don't have a clue," Buck replied honestly. "Last night you seemed on top of the world."

Tears fell from her eyes silently. "I was. It was almost like we were a family yesterday. Even though Saralyn doesn't know it, he's been the perfect father to her. And after all these years, it seems like he finally understands me, you know?"

Buck put his arm around her shoulder. "Did he break your heart again? 'Cause if he did, my offer to make him suffer stands," he said teasingly.

Lou laughed a little. "I may take you up on it later, but I can't say last night was all his fault. I started the whole mess by kissing him."

"That's a bad thing?"

"It is when he thought I did it out of pity."

"Oh," Buck replied, his eyebrows raised in sudden comprehension.

"The thing is, a little bit of it was pity, at first anyway. He looked so sad, and I wanted to make him feel better. But it wasn't just that. All my old feelings have been coming back to me, and then there are new feelings too, especially after seeing him with Saralyn. I kissed him because I love him, more than ever." Lou leaned her head on Buck's shoulder, thankful for a sympathetic friend.

Buck sat silently for a moment, mulling over what Lou had said. "I can't help you much with what you're feeling, but I can let you in on a secret. There's nothing a man hates more than feeling useless, and that's exactly what Kid's feeling right now. When he first got here, Teaspoon asked about his plans for the future and offered help in finding a job. He just kept saying he didn't want any charity and wouldn't see it as anything else," Buck explained. "He never expected you to want to have anything to do with him. Now that you do, he's probably telling himself that you're only doing it out of pity because he's already convinced himself that he isn't good for anything."

"So what am I supposed to do to make him see that I do care?"

"Kid's gotta start feeling useful. He doesn't want to be a burden to anybody, least of all you. You have to prove to him that you need him, and then maybe he'll see that you love him too."

Lou thought for a moment. "Well, I think I need to go out on a ride by myself this afternoon, and I have a feeling that Rachel, Richard, Teaspoon and you will all be too busy to watch Saralyn." She rose and walked towards the door. "Thanks, Buck."

"Anytime." He joined her as they walked inside. "Now how much you wanna bet that Richard is hard at work helping Rachel with breakfast?"

"Sorry. I don't make bets I can't win," Lou said, gesturing towards the kitchen where the voices of Rachel and Richard were plainly heard.

After explaining to Rachel, Richard and Teaspoon what she needed, Lou waited patiently for Kid to join them. She was afraid that he wouldn't show up for breakfast, but fortunately she did not have to seek him out. When he was seated at the table, she put her plan into action.

"Rachel, would you mind watching Saralyn after breakfast? I was hoping to take a ride alone, do some thinking," Lou said, glancing over at Kid. She caught his gaze before looking back at Rachel.

As planned, Rachel replied, "I'm sorry, but Richard and I were planning on taking a walk after breakfast. I guess we could take her along, but…" She blushed a bit and looked at Richard unconsciously. She was actually quite pleased to be given an excuse to walk with him, and her blushes came naturally.

Lou turned on Teaspoon. "What about you? Could she keep you and Buck company for a little while? I know it's usually pretty slow at the office."

Teaspoon shook his head. "Normally I'd be delighted to, but I just got some important papers late yesterday that Buck and I need to go over. The instructions said not to delay, so I can't leave them for later."

"Oh," Lou replied dejectedly.

Seeing Lou's depressed look and knowing that he was probably what she needed the time to think about, Kid made a decision. "I can do it," he offered. "She seems to like me well enough, and I think we'd be okay for a few hours. That is, if you don't mind me doing it." He waited eagerly for her response, unsure of whether she would trust him to watch Saralyn alone.

Lou's face lit up. "Of course I don't mind. She loves you, and I don't know of a better person to do it. I just didn't want impose on you any."

"It's no trouble," he responded, smiling at her reaction to his acceptance. After last night's events, it was nice to feel the easy camaraderie with her again.

"Then that's settled. I'll just go let her know where I'll be. And thanks." She beamed as she walked toward the living room where her daughter was playing and hoped that her plan would work.

Kid had to admit that he was glad that no one was around to see him. Here he was, a battle-hardened soldier, playing with dolls with a four-year old girl. Not that he wasn't enjoying himself - truth be told, he was loving every minute - but it was somewhat of a relief to know that there weren't any witnesses.

Saralyn handed him a doll. "Here you can be Mama, and I'll be me. We don't need a boy doll 'cause I don't have a Daddy." She walked her doll across the rug, stopping occasionally to tug on its hair or dress.

Kid winced inwardly. What I wouldn't give to be your Daddy. Aloud, he said, "Do you wish you had a Daddy?"

She nodded. "But Mama said that she hasn't found the right Daddy yet."

"I hope you find one someday. I think whoever gets to be your Daddy is the luckiest man in the whole world." He couldn't resist reaching out to pat her head lightly at the sight of her broad smile.

"Now what do you want Saralyn and Mama to do?" he asked, holding up the doll in his hand.

When Lou returned from her ride, she found Kid and Saralyn playing with dolls in the living room. She stood in the doorway watching quietly as Saralyn chattered along about "Mama and Saralyn" going to the store, riding the horses, doing their hair and other various daily activities.

"Mama, your dress looks beautiful," Saralyn said to Kid's doll.

"And your bonnet is just lovely," Kid replied in a slightly girlish tone.

Lou could not hold back her laughter at this interaction and announced her presence with a hearty giggle. Kid looked startled and immediately dropped the doll as if he were trying to disassociate himself with it.

"I didn't see you there," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"No, I don't guess you did," she responded with a laugh. "No need to be embarrassed about it. Actually, I'm glad. Now she has someone else to play dolls with besides me. I gotta admit it gets a little tiresome, but it looked like you handled yourself well."

Ignoring the adults' conversation, Saralyn rushed to hug her mother. "Mama! Come play dolls with us," she said, dragging Lou by the hand to join them on the floor.

Lou complied but rolled her eyes so that only Kid could see. He stifled his own laughter to add, "Yeah, Lou, come play with us."

"I would love to play, but you only have two dolls to play with, honey."

Saralyn took the "Mama" doll from Kid and handed it to Lou. "Mama, you can be you. We can get a boy doll, so Kid can be Daddy."

For a second, Lou wondered whether Kid had said anything to their daughter, but seeing his bewildered and uncertain expression quickly convinced her otherwise. They stared at one another for a moment, both unsure how to respond and both wondering what the other was thinking.

Lou recovered first. "Is that what your dolly wants? Does she want a Daddy?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm and uneven.

The girl nodded. "Yes, she told me she wants Kid to be her Daddy."

A moment later, Rachel and Richard walked in the room, chatting easily. Seeing Kid and Lou's expression, they stopped.

"Is everything okay?" Rachel asked, addressing the room in general.

Saralyn responded first, beaming proudly. "I played dolls with Kid, and then Mama came back, and Kid's gonna be my Daddy."

"He is?" Rachel said, surprised at the sudden announcement.

Lou explained quickly, "She wants to buy a boy doll, so that Kid can pretend to be the Daddy."

"Oh, I see. Saralyn, why don't you come with Richard and me and help us make lunch? I think your Ma and Kid would like to talk." After giving a sympathetic look to Lou, she led Saralyn away, leaving the two alone.

Chapter 14

After a few moments of awkward silence, Kid began. "I swear I didn't say anything to her about being her Daddy."

"I know you didn't. She's been talking about wanting a Daddy for a long time. I've tried to get her to forget about it, but I guess she wants one more than I thought." She moved to sit by his side. "What are we gonna do now, Kid?"

Kid sighed. "I told you already, Lou. It's your choice. But I hope you remember what I said last night. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want you to get your hopes up neither. Life with me wouldn't be easy."

"What about what I said? I meant it when I said I love you. It's not pity, and it's not just because of Saralyn. I know you feel like less of man because of your leg, but I don't care. If I was looking for someone to do chores, I'd hire a hand. If I wanted a life of luxury, I'd find some rich man to marry. I wasn't interested in those things five years ago, and I ain't now either. I never needed a man to take care of me, but I wanted a man to love me. I still do." Lou leaned toward him slowly, watching his reaction. When he didn't protest, she kissed him lightly. He responded by taking her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks gently.

"You are so beautiful. You always were, even with the short hair and dusty clothes. But now, I can't hardly believe how amazing you look." He returned the kiss. "I love you."

Lou moved to sit in his lap and looped her arms around his neck. She pressed her lips against his urgently, needing to be close to him again. Kid wrapped his arms around her waist and responded fully, awakening long dormant feelings of passionate encounters of the past. Both were lost in the kiss, until the sounds of girlish laughter from the kitchen brought them back to reality. Kid pulled away slightly and sighed, hearing the voice of doubt again.

"I know you say it's not important, but I can't help but worry about what I'm gonna to do to provide for you and Saralyn. There's not much I can do, at least not like I used to. I don't know who'd hire me, knowing that I'd take twice as long to do anything than a normal man."

"Like I said before, I don't have this all figured out, but I'm not about to walk away from this just because I don't have every single step of the way planned. We'll think of something. We just need a little time to focus on us, and we'll worry about the future later," Lou replied, resting her head on his shoulder.

Kid stroked her back gently. "What about Saralyn? Do you think we should tell her anything? Even though she seems to be taking to me real well, it seems like she's close to Richard. She might get confused, since I think she was hoping he'd be her father. And she thinks her real father is dead. It's your decision, Lou, but I think we better think about it."

Lou moved out his lap to sit beside him. "I have been thinking about it. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt or confuse her, but I don't see any way around it. I feel like such a bad Mom for lying to her."

"Don't blame this on yourself. You were trying to protect her," Kid said lovingly. "And maybe we should give her more credit. She's awfully easy-going for a four year old. Besides, she's a survivor, like her Mama."

Lou smiled teasingly. "And she's determined, just like her Daddy. Some might even call it stubborn."

Kid responded by tickling Lou's side, causing her to giggle and squirm. At that moment, Saralyn ran into the room, having been instructed to tell Kid and her mother that it was time for lunch. All thoughts of the errand flew away when she saw the fun they were having. She ran to join Kid in ticking her mother, cackling hysterically at the thought of tickling her mother.

"No fair! Two on one," Lou gasped as she managed to pull away from their outstretched fingers. "You two better watch out because I'm gonna get you both!"

"You can't tickle me now," Saralyn replied solemnly. "It's lunch time."

Lou laughed. "Alright. I guess I'll have to wait until after lunch. In fact, Kid and I have something real important we want to talk to you about after lunch. Grownup stuff. You're gonna have to be a big girl. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Mama."

"That's my girl. Now how about some lunch?" She reached her hand out to Saralyn and led her into the dining room with Kid following closely behind.

After lunch, Lou suggested that they go for a walk. Saralyn led the way, skipping and laughing ahead of them as they tried their best to keep up with the energetic girl. Seeing the exertion was taking its toll on Kid, Lou steered the group to a large shade tree not far from town. Kid sank gratefully to the ground, resting his back on the trunk of the tree.

"Let's sit next to Kid for a minute so we can have our grownup talk," Lou said to Saralyn. She sat the girl in between herself and Kid. He gave her a reassuring smile and waited on her to lead the conversation.

"Baby, do you remember what I told you about your father?" she asked.

"He was a brave man, and he died in the war, and that's why I don't have a Daddy," Saralyn replied.

Lou stroked her daughter's hair lightly as she spoke. "He is a brave man, and he did fight in the war, but the truth is, I didn't know what happened to him until recently. Your Daddy didn't die; he's alive and already loves his daughter very much. Kid is your Daddy, honey."

Saralyn looked at her mother with wide eyes before turning her gaze to Kid. "You're my Daddy? My real Daddy?"

Kid felt his eyes water as he looked at his daughter. "Yes, I'm your Daddy. When I said that whoever gets to be your Daddy is the luckiest man in the world, I meant it. I love you, and I'm so proud of you." He waited in eager anticipation to see how she would react.

Saralyn wrinkled up her face in concentration and confusion. She turned toward her mother, hoping that her Mama could help her make sense of this. "What about Richard, Mama? Nana said he would be my Daddy soon."

"Nana said that?" Lou asked, now confused herself. Seeing Kid's bewildered look, she added, "Nana is what she calls Richard's mother."

"So he's not gonna be my Daddy?" Saralyn asked.

Lou replied slowly, "No, he's not. He'll always be our special friend, and you don't have to stop seeing him or playing with him. Would that be okay?"

Saralyn considered this idea for a moment. "Can I still see Nana too?"

"Of course you can, sweetie. There's no way I could keep Nana from you. You know how much she likes playing with you," Lou said with a smile. "And now you'll have a Daddy to play with, in addition to Richard and Nana. Won't that be nice?"

The little girl smiled and nodded. She reached up and whispered something in Lou's ear that Kid could not hear. Lou nodded and turned her to face him.

"I'm glad you're my Daddy," she said shyly and then threw her arms around his neck.

Kid was caught off guard for a moment, but quickly returned the hug. "I love you," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

"I love you too, Daddy," she responded happily before turning to her mother. "Can we go and see Grandma Rachel and Richard now? I want to tell them about my Daddy."

"Okay, baby. That sounds like a great idea, does it, Kid? Or should I say, Daddy?" Lou reached across their daughter to touch his shoulder.

"The best idea I've heard in a long time."

Chapter 15

A few days later, Coreen Langford stepped off the stage, eyeing the small town of Rock Creek. Her blond hair shined in the afternoon sun, and her clothes, while far from being the most expensive, were fashionable and well-maintained. After brushing her dress slightly and smoothing her hair, she searched through the passing townspeople. Quickly deciding that there was a far easier way, she decided to inquire in the nearby general store.

"Excuse me, sir, do you know where I might find a man who calls himself the Kid?" she asked politely.

After taking in her polished appearance and Southern accent, Tompkins replied, "Yes, ma'am, I do. I haven't seen him myself, but I've heard tell that he's staying with Rachel Dunne. She lives in the white house down the street thataway." He walked towards the window and gestured in the right direction.

"Thank you for your assistance," Coreen said and left the store, eager to see a familiar face.

Coreen walked directly towards the house and not seeing anyone outside, she knocked on the door.

Rachel answered it, looking curiously at the unknown woman before her. "May I help you?"

"I certainly hope so, ma'am," Coreen said with a smile. "I'm looking for a friend of mine who goes by the name Kid. I inquired at the general store, and the owner seemed to think he might be here."

"Yes, he is staying with me, but I believe he is out in the barn right now. If you like to wait in the parlor, I'd be happy to get him for you, Miss…"

"Langford, Coreen Langford. And I'd hate to trouble you. I can show myself out to the barn, so you won't have to bother."

"It's no bother, but you're welcome to find him if that's what you'd prefer. If you need anything else, my name is Rachel Dunne, and a friend of Kid's is a friend of mine," she replied.

"Miss Dunne, I believe Kid mentioned you, and you're just as lovely as he described. I'm much obliged for your help. Good day to you." With that, she stepped off the porch and walked towards the barn.

For Lou's sake, I sure hope that she is truly just a friend, Rachel thought. And so help me, I will let Buck think of all kinds of creative ways to torture Kid if he has led Louise on.

Lou's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Who was that?"

Rachel tried to keep her voice even. "A lady looking for Kid, said she was a friend. I sent her out to find him in the barn." She watched Lou's reaction closely but was surprised to see that she did not seem worried.

"Oh. I wonder if she'll want to stay for dinner. If it's okay with you, I think I'll go ask," Lou said.

Rachel looked at Lou curiously. "Are you sure you don't want me to go ask? Or maybe we'd better give them a minute."

"Why? So I don't catch their passionate reunion in the barn?" Lou laughed. "Rachel, it may sound crazy, but I trust Kid. He may not have told me everything about what he's been doing in the last five years, but I know him well enough to know he wouldn't commit to someone and then leave her. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt that he at least learned that much from everything that happened with us. Of course if I'm wrong, I'll just kill him." She winked at Rachel before heading towards the barn.

As she approached the barn, she moved more slowly and quietly. Though she did trust Kid, there was a part of her that couldn't help but be a little suspicious. She peeked into the barn and watched the pair, hoping to catch a bit of conversation that would relieve her doubts.

"I want to thank you for encouraging me to follow my heart. I don't know if I'd ever have had the courage to leave my parents if it weren't for you," the woman said, looking affectionately at Kid.

He returned her smile. "It's the least I could do, Coreen. I don't know if I would have made it out of that hospital if it weren't for you. You reminded me I have something to live for."

Lou felt a surge of jealousy rush through her. Is he saying that she is what he's living for? She almost abandoned her hiding place, ready to let him have it, but stopped when he continued speaking.

"After all, you talked me into finding Lou again. I never thought I'd have her back in my life again, and now it looks like she's really gonna give me a chance. And you remember those dreams I had about her and the little girl? She's real - I have a daughter. Her name is Saralyn, and next to Lou, she's the most precious person in my life," Kid said, practically gushing in his excitement.

"I'm so happy for you," Coreen replied, pulling him into a hug.

Lou's jealousy faded away in an instant as she realized she had nothing to fear. She stepped forward, eager to thank the woman who had encouraged Kid to come back to her.

Kid saw Lou enter the barn and immediately pulled away from Coreen. Even though the situation was totally innocent, he knew that it probably didn't look that way. Fearing her reaction, he began to explain, his words tumbling out clumsily.

"Lou, this is a friend of mine from Virginia. She was a nurse in the hospital where I was recovering, and we became friends. She's actually Doritha's cousin, you remember her? But I'd never met Coreen before the hospital. And her family offered to take me in while I was still recovering. As soon as I was well enough, I helped out on their farm. She's the one who convinced me that I should try to find you. She's actually a lot like you. I'm sure you two'll get along real well. She's a good friend." He placed special emphasis on the word friend, hoping that Lou would understand. To his dismay, she just laughed.

"Kid, you don't have to talk my ear off trying to convince me that she's just a friend. I believe you. Now why don't you start over and introduce us?"

Kid blushed. "Lou, this is Coreen Langford. Coreen, this is Louise McCloud, or Lou as most of us call her."

Lou offered her hand but was surprised when Coreen embraced her warmly. "Louise, I'm so glad to finally meet you! Kid told me so much about you, and I hoped that I'd get to meet you someday. I would love to hear some of your stories about the Pony Express. Kid never did feel like talking about it, and besides, I'd rather hear them from a woman's perspective. Back in Virginia, it seems like everyone just wants to put women in little cages. It's so refreshing to hear that out West, women actually have some freedom. I firmly believe that women are just as strong and capable as men are," she finished, her fervor evident in her voice.

Lou smiled, pleasantly surprised to meet a kindred spirit. "If you like strong women, I'm sure you'll get along with Rachel too. She managed to keep us riders in line, and that wasn't an easy job. In fact, you're welcome to join us for supper tonight and meet Rachel and everyone else. You won't find a better meal in town, and I'd like to think the company is pretty good too, especially if you're looking for a good story. Teaspoon's been known to tell some amazing stories, as long as you don't let him ramble too long. What do you say?"

"I'd love to."

Chapter 16

"So, Miss Coreen, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit? Of course you don't need a reason to visit a friend, but you certainly are far from home, if you don't mind my saying so," Teaspoon asked as they all sat together at dinner.

Coreen had rested for much of the afternoon after she had arrived and consequently, had no time to explain to Kid the reason for her sudden visit. The earlier conversation at dinner had mainly focused on introductions and small talk, giving her a chance to get acquainted with Lou, Saralyn, Rachel, Richard, Buck and Teaspoon. Now it appeared that Teaspoon was eager to move past the pleasantries.

Coreen smiled at him. She already felt at home with this interesting bunch of people and found the eccentric gentleman in front of her to be refreshingly amusing.

"No, I don't mind at all. I'm sure Kid is dying to know why I showed up here so suddenly. I haven't had a chance to write him since he left and only received one letter from him. In fact, his letter came at a time when I needed it most. You see, my mother and father are as traditionally Southern as anyone can be, and they finally lost patience with their wayward daughter. The day before Kid's letter arrived, they sat me down and informed me that I was getting married in a month to a man I had only met once."

Kid was flabbergasted. "I thought they had given up on that. I know they were discussing an arranged marriage when I first moved in with your family, but I spoke with your father about it, and he seemed willing to give you more time to find the right man."

"Honestly, Kid, I think he hoped the right man would be you," Coreen said with a sly look in his direction. Seeing the shocked looked on his face, she hastened to add, "Now, you know I'd never say anything to encourage that. I already knew your heart was spoken for." She glanced over at Lou, who blushed slightly and exchanged a loving glance with Kid. "But I have to admit, I didn't say anything to discourage it either. As long as they thought that we might make a match, they stopped trying to set me up with another suitor."

Knowing Kid was familiar with this part of her story, she addressed the others. "My parents first started to push suitors on me shortly before the war began. They paraded me in front of many men, but I managed to find a fault in each one. At that point, they still gave me a small amount of input in the matter. Luckily for me, they had to abandon their search for a husband during the war because all eligible men were fighting. I finally had some peace and independence, especially after I started nursing. The thought that a lady was lowering herself to work was a shock for my parents, my mother especially, but I convinced them by saying I would be helping the Cause. Honestly, I didn't give a lick about the Cause, but I did feel sympathy for the soldiers after hearing how desperately understaffed the hospitals were."

"I actually met Kid in one of those hospitals. Once he was well enough to talk, we struck up a friendship and then discovered we had a connection in Doritha. She was my cousin and an old friend of Kid's, as you know. As the war came to a close, I offered him a place in our family's home as I knew he had no place to go. My parents were surprised when I brought a soldier home, but because of the family connection, they also extended their hospitality. As Kid said, when I first came home, they did bring up the issue of marriage again but soon decided that Kid would do as a son-in-law."

"But as soon as you left, I had to admit that we were just friends, which believe me, wasn't the most welcome news as far as they were concerned. They immediately began making inquiries among their friends, as if they were looking for a stud for their horse. I was humiliated but thought I could refuse as I always had before the war when they first started this."

Coreen sighed. "This time they would not be dissuaded. They picked out a 'suitable gentleman,' and that was that as far as they were concerned. When I got Kid's letter, I decided it was a sign that I needed to strike out on my own. I have to admit that I don't have any plans for the future, but anything was better than being forced into a marriage I didn't want. And Kid was always encouraging me to make my own choices and think for myself." She smiled as she saw Lou grab Kid's hand under the table.

"You see, the issue for me was control. I know I'm perfectly capable of thinking for myself, but my father and the 'suitable gentleman' he brought home never believed it. They didn't even think I was capable of deciding whether I wanted to go for a walk or a drive. He would ask my father and not me. How am I supposed to build a life with someone who doesn't respect me? Unfortunately, there's a class of men in this country who seem bent on dominating anything and anyone they consider inferior: women, children, the land itself, even entire groups of people. I know everyone thinks slavery is over now, but it looks to me that it has just spread out West. I'm sure Mr. Cross here understands that far better than the rest of us, considering the ways in which his people are treated."

Buck raised his eyebrow. "I can see why your father didn't know what to do with you, Miss Langford. Those ideas are hardly popular back East and here, for that matter. I mean that as a great compliment," he said with a smile.

"I take it as a compliment and a source of pride, but please, call me Coreen."

"Only if you call me Buck."

The others around the table watched in amusement as Buck and Coreen locked eyes and gazed at each other appreciatively. After a few moments of unabashedly staring at one another, they seemed to remember their companions and shifted nervously in their seats, causing the others to stifle a chuckle.

Turning to her daughter, Lou realized that Saralyn had fallen asleep at the table. "You'll have to excuse me a moment. It appears that my daughter didn't find this conversation as fascinating as the rest of us. I think I'd best call it a night and tuck her in," she said, lifting the sleeping girl into her arms.

Kid nodded at her glance in his direction and also rose. "I'll say good night as well. Coreen, will you be able to see yourself to the hotel safely?"

"I'd be happy to walk you back," Buck answered quickly.

"Thank you for the offer. I'd love that." She accepted his offered arm, and the two walked out the door.

Teaspoon chuckled when he looked at the two remaining couples. "Well, it seems that everyone around me has made a love match except me. If I hadn't already been blessed with six lovely brides, I might be inclined to jealousy."

"Don't worry, Teaspoon. You never know when number seven might make an appearance," Kid said, patting him on the back before following Lou upstairs.

Chapter 17

After tucking their daughter into bed, Kid lingered at the door to the spare bedroom. Lou giggled at his shy but hopeful expression.

"Did you forget something? Or do you just like standing in my doorway?"

Kid chuckled. "Well, as a matter of fact, I did forget something. I forget to ask you if you'd like to sit out on the porch with me for a while."

She considered for a moment. "If Coreen let Buck walk her home without a chaperone, I suppose it wouldn't be too improper for me to join you on the porch. Then again, it won't be the first time we forgot about propriety," she said, glancing back at their sleeping daughter.

Joining her arms in his, they managed to navigate the stairs side by side, crutches and all. Upon opening the front door and walked out on to the porch, however, they found the porch swing already occupied by Buck and Coreen.

"Get lost on your way to the hotel, Buck?" Kid asked.

Buck flashed him a look that plainly told him to keep his comments to himself. Aloud, he replied, "No, we're just enjoying this pleasant evening. Perhaps you two should do the same…somewhere else."

Lou laughed. "It's okay. We understand your hint. In honor of Coreen and women's liberation, I will escort Kid back to the bunkhouse. Shall we?" She bowed low and offered her arm to Kid in an exaggerated gesture. He took her arm but proceeded to tickle her all the way to the bunkhouse, making their walk unstable, but amusing.

Kid flopped onto his bunk, patting the space beside him. Lou joined him and moved to sit close to him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around hers.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Coreen," he murmured. "It's just still so hard for me to think about that time of my life. When she met me in that hospital, I was ready to die. I even wanted to die. Who knows what might have happened if she hadn't been there? I might never have come back to you and Saralyn." He shuddered.

Lou clasped his other hand. "But you did. I spent all these years wrestling with what-ifs, and I'm ready to focus on the future now. I know it's hard, but I'd like for us to try to put the past behind us."

"And what do you see in your future?" he asked curiously.

"You. Saralyn. A place of our own. Maybe some brothers and sister for Saralyn now that she has a father to make that possible." She glanced up at him and winked saucily.

"Are you proposing to me, Miss McCloud?" he asked, half-jokingly, half-seriously.

"Maybe I am. You have done this three times already. You might not have a fourth time left in you," she replied. Her smile was light, but her eyes revealed the emotions beneath the surface.

"I do, although I don't think I can fulfill your requirement about getting down on bended knee," he said, gesturing towards his missing leg.

Lou moved back slightly to face him, taking his other hand into her own. "Kid, you can propose anyway you want, as long as you promise me that this is the last proposal I'm gonna hear from you."

Kid gently stroked her hands with his thumbs and stared into the eyes of the woman he loved more than life. "Louise, I promise you that this is the last proposal I will ever make because I'm gonna love you until my dying day, and there's not a thing in this world that could ever take me away from you. No one, no thing, no cause. You and Saralyn are the best things in my life, and I'll do everything I can to love you and make you happy, even let you go if that's what you want. I don't want to change you, but I do want to be your husband. Will you be my wife?"

"Yes. Always yes," she replied, taking his face into her hands.

Kid wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. They kissed with all the love, pain, passion, desire, sorrow and dreams of the last five years. Without breaking the kiss, Lou laid down on the bunk, pulling him to rest on top of her. For one agonizingly sweet moment, their bodies moved in familiar rhythm with one another, as though dancing in steps they had never forgotten. But as quickly as it began, they both pulled away, looking at one another as they panted in frustrated need.

Finally, Lou sat up and spoke, now unable to meet his eyes in case he did not feel the same. "We better stop. As much as I love you, I'm not ready to have another baby without you by my side."

Even though he agreed, her words hurt. "Do you think I'd leave you?"

Lou glanced at him and gave him a small, sad smile. "No, I know you wouldn't. But one thing I've learned in this life is that sometimes we can't keep the promises we make, no matter how much we want to. Life ain't always fair, and we don't have any guarantees. As much as I trust you, you can't promise to be my husband until we both say 'I do.'"

Kid sat beside her. "My body sure don't agree with you right now, but the rest of me knows you're right. If nothing else, we owe it to Saralyn. She deserves to have two parents who're committed to one another. Besides, when she's older, we're already gonna have to explain to her why she's older than the number of years we were married."

"Oh no, don't remind me of that. I already thought I was going to have to explain to her why I was never married to her father, but that's nearly as bad. At least we have many years to think of our excuses," she said.

"We do have many years together, don't we?" Kid replied before drawing her into his embrace.

Chapter 18

Kid and Lou talked late into the night, planning and dreaming of the future in front of them. Lou told him how much she enjoyed the responsibility of running the store and confessed that she had been thinking of asking Richard about buying it.

"I know neither of us pictured ourselves working in town instead of on the land, but there's something satisfying about counting the money at the end of the day and knowing you helped make it. Then you have to plan ahead and decide what to buy and how much and when. I don't get to be outside as much as I'd like, but it's nice to have regular hours and to see Saralyn every night," she said.

"Do you think Richard would consider selling?" Kid asked.

Lou nodded. "He never was too interested in the store anyway. Once he realized that I could handle running the store, he let me take care of most things. Farming is what he loves, and he's been working hard to make something of his parents' land. And the way he's looking at Rachel, I expect he'll be even more interested in staying close to home. He won't be eager to leave her behind every day to work a store that wasn't really his to begin with. I bet he'll be glad to be rid of it."

"I can't imagine Rachel behind a store counter either. She'd be liable to throw something at the first customer who was more interested in her goods than what she's selling. Rachel may have the patience of a saint with the school children, but I think she'd give any rude customers a piece of her mind. Come to think of it, how have you managed to keep a reign on your tongue?" he said teasingly.

Lou laughed, remembering some of the frustrating encounters. "Let's just say there were a few close calls. One time I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I bled, just to keep myself from telling this man to keep his ugly face and his business elsewhere. After that, I kept a frying pan under the counter to remind me of the time I let Tompkins have it. Now when I'm ready to explode, I look at that pan, and I feel a lot better."

Kid chuckled. Even though he hadn't been present to see Lou hit Tompkins, he well recalled the lump on the store owner's forehead after the brawl. "You controlling your temper? I may have to see it to believe it."

"Does that mean we can work in the store?" Lou asked, her face lit with excitement.

Kid's grin sobered as he considered the question. "I don't know, Lou. I still don't get around well, and I don't see how I could be much help. I wouldn't be able to even stock the shelves with these crutches."

"And you think it's gonna be easier trying to work a farm or a ranch?" She sighed. "I know that's what we both dreamed of, but I don't think it's meant to be, at least not now. Store work has gotta be easier for you than farming, and we have the rooms above the store to live in, rent free. I think we need to take the chance we've been given. Maybe someday the store will make enough to where we could hire someone to run it, and then we could spend most of our days at our own place. At least think about it." She looked into his eyes, hoping she still had the power to weaken his resolve with just a look.

"You're giving me that look on purpose," he said, shaking his head. "Fine, I'll think about it. I suppose I could help you with the books. My ma was always drilling us on our sums, so I think I remember enough to keep track of the expenses and purchases and such."

Lou threw her arms around his neck excitedly. "It'll be perfect, you just wait and see."

"With you, I'm sure it will."

Chapter 19

The next morning Lou and Kid sat on the front porch, watching their daughter play with her dolls on the porch steps. Though they had only just finished breakfast, they saw Coreen walking towards the house, her gaze sweeping over the yard earnestly. When she realized Kid and Lou were watching her, she startled slightly before walking over to join them on the porch.

"Good morning, Coreen. Looking for someone? Buck maybe?" Kid asked mockingly.

Coreen flushed. "No, I was hoping to find Rachel. I never did properly thank her for dinner last night, and tell her how delicious it was."

"Don't you mean how delicious the company was?" Lou said, nudging Kid who snorted in an attempt to hold back his laughter.

"I don't know what you mean," Coreen answered, her attention immediately shifting to the floor.

Kid couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. "I believe Lou was referring to the way you were eyeing Buck last night."

Coreen sighed. "It was that obvious?"

"Afraid so."

Seeing her distressed look, Lou added, "But that's not a bad thing. From the way he was looking back at you, I'd say he felt the same way. Besides, Buck's a good man, and he deserves someone special like you. I've been after him to settle down for a while now, and now it looks like he might finally."

"Don't start planning the wedding yet," Kid said. "Give those two some time to get acquainted. And if I remember correctly, we have another wedding to plan first, unless I imagined you accepting my proposal last night." His eyes sparkled with pride as he thought of finally marrying Lou after all these years.

Coreen squealed with joy and drew them both into a big hug. "Oh, I'm so happy for you both. I just knew everything would work out. When's the big day?"

Lou shrugged. "We haven't worked out that much yet. If we wait too long, we might just be fighting Richard and Rachel for the church. Speaking of Rachel, that reminds me of the idea I had this morning. She and Richard will probably be getting married soon and moving to Denver, and she'll likely quit her job teaching school. What would you say to being a school teacher? You're at loose ends, and I know the town's gonna need someone anyway."

Coreen raised an eyebrow, reminding them both of their Kiowa friend. "And the fact that I would be close to Buck doesn't have a thing to do with your plan, does it?"

"It did cross my mind, now that you mention it." Lou giggled. "But what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, except that we don't know how Rachel feels about all this."

"How I feel about all what?" Rachel asked as she joined them out on the porch.

"Where's Richard?"

Rachel smiled wickedly. "I left him to finish washing the dishes. I have to admit I missed having this much influence over a man." She blushed. "But what are you folks whispering about me?"

"You'll have to ask Lou. She's the one planning out everyone else's life. Ouch!" Kid yelped as Lou pinched him on the arm.

"Why don't you play dolls with our daughter so us girls can talk without any interruptions?" She pointed towards the porch steps.

Having heard her mother's suggestion, Saralyn looked up with excitement. "Come on, Daddy! We're gonna have a tea party!"

"Okay, sweetie, I'm coming," Kid replied with a smile. Addressing Lou, he added, "You owe me."

Lowering her voice to a seductive whisper that was still loud enough for everyone to hear, Lou answered, "I'll pay you back on our wedding night."

Kid nearly lost control of his crutches as the ladies cackled with laughter. Shaking his head, he regained his balance and moved to join his daughter.

Coreen took his place on the swing, and Rachel pulled up a chair. "Did I hear right? Do I have a wedding to plan?" Rachel asked happily.

Lou told her about the proposal and her plan for Coreen to take Rachel's place as Rock Creek's teacher.

Coreen added, "I want to say that this is the first I've heard of this plan. I certainly wasn't planning on taking anyone's job when I arrived."

Rachel laughed. "I know you weren't. And as far as I'm concerned, that sounds like a wonderful plan. Of course, this all depends on Richard. He may decide I'm not the marrying type." Her brows wrinkled a bit.

Lou grabbed her hand. "Don't you dare think that, Rachel Dunne. He's waited a long time to find another special woman, and I'd say that he's found her. Give him a little time, and we'll be planning your wedding soon enough, I promise."

"You really think so?" Rachel asked.

"Let me put it this way. I'm pretty sure he's never washed a dish in his life, and he's up to his elbows in suds because you asked him to. Does that answer your question?"

Rachel giggled. "I guess so."

Chapter 20

The weeks passed quickly as Kid and Lou planned their wedding, set to take place a month later. Coreen spent her days with Rachel at the schoolhouse, getting to know the children and assisting Rachel in the lessons. Though school would be stopping for the summer break soon, Coreen was eager to learn whatever she could before Rachel left for Denver. Though well-educated herself, she had never before attempted teaching and was finding it more challenging than she ever imagined.

"It's so frustrating, Buck!" she said one evening as they sat together on Rachel's porch. "I swear it's like some of those children would rather be any place other than the schoolhouse."

"They probably would," he replied. Seeing the hurt look of her face, he added, "It doesn't have anything to do with you or Rachel's teaching - that's just the way some kids are. Especially if their parents don't have much schooling, they figure they don't need it either. And in some ways, maybe they're right. You don't need to know how to read to break a horse."

"Maybe not, but they better know how to read and do sums when it comes time to do business. They could get cheated out of a lot of money if they don't know better." She gave him a satisfied smirk, knowing she was right.

Buck responded by tickling her ribs. She squealed and began to run away, only to be grabbed and held tight by the man she was quickly falling in love with. Now he smiled in triumph.

"Do you give up?" he asked saucily, a hint of challenge in his voice.

"Well…"she began with mock uncertainty before he began his tickling assault again. "Fine, I give up," she said breathlessly. "But you know I'm right."

Buck laughed. "Of course you're right. You're the smartest woman in town. Why else do you think I love you?" He dropped his arms from around her waist, feeling suddenly uncertain. Things between them were going so well, but he hadn't yet told her that he loved her. He had been planning for a more romantic declaration, but it was too late to take back the words. He looked down into her eyes, hoping he hadn't just made a huge mistake.

Coreen felt a few moments of shock but quickly responded by throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh, Buck, I love you too!" Soon the embrace led to passionate kisses, the two oblivious to anyone or anything beyond themselves.

Just then Lou opened the front door. "Rachel told me to tell you dinner…" She paused as she realized she was interrupting a very steamy looking moment. "Um, dinner is ready. Come on in when you're finished with your snack…or not." She laughed as she saw the looks of embarrassment on her friends' faces and was still chuckling as she returned to the dining room where Kid and Richard already sat waiting.

"What's so funny?" Kid asked.

"Let's just say that Buck and Coreen are a bit occupied with dessert and might not make it for dinner."

They all laughed. Kid said with mock seriousness, "I better talk with Buck about making my friend an honest woman. She needs a man to settle her down." He looked directly at Lou, wondering if she would take the bait.

"Like you're gonna settle me down, I suppose?" Lou replied, sticking out her tongue at him. "But while we're on the subject of marriage, when are you gonna make Rachel a bride, Richard?"

"When are you going to stop playing matchmaker, Louise?" he asked.

"Quit trying to change the subject. You know you're thinking about it, so what's the hold up?"

Richard answered, "Your wedding is in two days. I didn't want to take away from your big day."

"Don't worry about that. Nothing could make me happier than seeing the two of you have some happiness." She paused, and then her eyes lit up with glee. "I just thought of the perfect plan!"

After hearing her idea, he said, "I guess you talked me into it."

Rachel walked in and asked, "Talked you into what?"

Lou smiled conspiratorially at Richard and Kid. "Patience, Rachel. You'll find that out soon enough."

Chapter 21

Two days later, Lou awoke with a smile on her face. Today she would finally marry Kid, and nothing or no one would stand in her way. She climbed out of bed, stretching lazily before glancing out the window. Whatever she expected to see, it certainly wasn't an old friend shaking an angry fist in her groom's face.

"Oh no, Jimmy. Why did you have to pick today?" she muttered to herself. She threw on a robe and ran outside, eager to stop the fight that appeared to be brewing.

As she approached the two men, she heard Kid say, "You don't understand, Jimmy."

Jimmy replied angrily, "Like hell I don't! You got a lot of nerve showing up here after you walked out on her like you did. I oughta shoot you right now."

Lou decided it was time to stop their "discussion" and got between the two men. "Don't worry, Jimmy. Buck already offered to do the same thing when Kid first showed up. And you should know me well enough to know I'm plenty capable of shooting him myself if I wanted to. Believe me, I considered it at first. But I decided I'd marry him and give him hell the rest of my life instead." She winked at Kid, who couldn't help but smile at the sight of his half-dressed bride, giving someone a piece of her mind in the middle of Rachel's front yard. For once it's not me, he thought to himself.

Jimmy stared bemusedly at Lou, and all he could think to say was, "Hey, Lou. Nice robe."

Lou colored slightly and crossed her arms across her chest. "Nice to see you too. Now would you mind not killing Kid? I was hoping to get married today, and I kind of need him alive, seeing as how he's the one I'm marrying."

"What happened, Lou? The last time I saw you, you weren't feeling very friendly towards him. 'Shoot him on sight' were your exact words, if I remember correctly. And now you're gonna marry him?" Jimmy shook his head in confusion.

Having been awakened by their voices, Buck left the bunkhouse and joined the group. "Good to see you, Jimmy. That's some robe, Lou."

Lou swatted Buck on the arm. "Why is everyone talking about my robe? It ain't like you've never seen a woman in a robe before."

"It's not so much the robe, more the fact that you're wearing it in Rachel's front yard," Buck observed.

Lou rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't be wearing it in Rachel's front yard if Jimmy hadn't picked today of all days to show up unannounced." She paused a moment and then smiled warmly at him as if she finally remembered who it was. Throwing her arms around him, she said, "I'm so glad you're here. You can come to our wedding now, that is, if you promise not to shoot the groom."

Jimmy chuckled. "Well, I guess if you've forgiven him, I can too. But Kid," he said, locking eyes with his friend seriously, "you ever leave her, I will shoot you." His tone sounded friendly, but his glare spoke his intentions clearly.

Kid saw the look and knew his friend was not joking. "If I'm ever stupid enough to leave her, I hope you do shoot me. Deal?" He held out his hand.

Jimmy shook it and replied, "Deal." He turned his gaze back to Lou. "Now, Lou, I'm no expert on weddings, but I believe the groom isn't supposed to see the bride before she walks down the aisle. Especially not in her robe."

"Hickock, you're lucky I don't carry my gun in this robe. But I just might wear it under my wedding dress, so you best watch out." With that, she turned on her heel and stomped back to Rachel's house, a smile on her face.

The guys laughed. "Yup, same old Lou," Jimmy said.

With their Express family in attendance, Kid and Lou finally became husband and wife. Saralyn proudly fulfilled her role as flower girl and carpeted the aisle of the church with petals. Rachel stood beside Lou as Maid of Honor, and Jimmy accepted the last-minute invitation to be Kid's Best Man. Buck happily gave away the bride to her eager groom, and Teaspoon married the couple in a simple but meaningful ceremony.

As they watched their friends and family dance and mingle at their reception, Kid and Lou finally felt like everything was right with the world.

"Do you ever wonder where we'd be now if I hadn't have left in the first place?" Kid asked. "Think of all the time we've wasted because of that one bad decision."

Lou stroked his cheek lovingly. "Think of all the time we still have together, and stop wondering about what might have been. You're home, and we can be a family now. That's all I care about."

Kid kissed her gently. "Thank you for waiting for me."

"Waiting for you? Who said I waited for you? Maybe I was just waiting for a better offer," she said mischievously.

Kid laughed. "I'll be sure to tell Richard that."

"Speaking of Richard, do you think it's time we put him out of his misery? He's been so jumpy all day, and the way he's keeps looking over at me, Rachel's gonna get jealous real soon."

"She'll understand once she knows what we've been plotting. But you're right - let's get them engaged and get out of here. I believe there's a honeymoon suite waiting for us." He winked at her before tapping his glass with a fork to get everyone's attention.

"Lou and I'd like to thank all of you for coming tonight. Y'all mean a lot to us, and we're so glad you're here to celebrate with us. And you're welcome to keep on celebrating, but my bride and I will retire for the evening." There were a few whistles and catcalls from the crowd. Kid blushed and looked slyly at Lou before continuing. "Now before we go, Lou's gonna throw the bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next one to get married."

"Kid, I don't have to throw it to know who's gonna be the next bride. I already know that," Lou said.

"Well, I'm sure they're all dying to know, so why don't you give it to her?" Kid replied.

Lou pretended to scan the crowd and then walked over to Rachel, handing her the bouquet with a grin.

Rachel smiled but looked a bit embarrassed. "Do you know something I don't?" she asked, glancing over at Richard.

Richard returned the smile and then knelt down before her. "Rachel Dunne, I love you with all my heart. Would you do me the honor of being my wife?" He pulled out a ring from his pocket and offered it to her.

Rachel beamed and shouted, "Yes!" before throwing her arms around him. The crowd cheered and whistled as the two shared a quick kiss. In fact, the guests were so distracted that they did not see the bride and the groom sneaking away, except for Buck, who nudged Coreen and pointed toward the escaping couple.

Coreen smiled. "It certainly was a beautiful wedding."

"Have I ever told you about the Kiowa's wedding traditions?" Buck asked.

"No, you haven't. Is there any particular reason I should know about them?" she asked curiously.

"Someday, it might be very important to you," Buck replied, leading her to the dance floor. I better ask Rachel if she has any plans for her bouquet. I think I know who will be the next bride after her!

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