Silence.
Instead of the shrill, lusty cry of a newborn baby, the morning held its breath for just a moment. But lest anyone think that nature somehow understood the grief inside the little house, a bird chirped happily, shouting its morning song, full of hope and joy that no one inside the house felt.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. She's gone."
The doctor's words barely filtered into Lou's consciousness. Somehow she had known the baby was gone - the baby that came too soon, the baby that had become far too still. Not just a baby, my baby. My daughter. Mine.
Seeing the doctor wrap the baby in a blanket and move toward the door, Lou awoke from her thoughts. "Give me my daughter," she commanded, her voice quiet but piercing.
The doctor began to shake his head. "It's best if you don't see her," he began, trying to protect the tired woman.
"She's my daughter, and I want to see her," Lou replied, her voice cracking as the reality began to wash over her. She's gone. She just arrived, and she's already gone.
Hearing the anguish in his wife's voice, Kid finally sprung into action, coming out of his own state of shock. "I'll get her, honey," he whispered to Lou before moving towards the doctor. Holding out his arms, he waited for the man to hand over the most precious treasure he had ever known. She's so small. Small but perfect.
The doctor hesitated, unsure of what to say or do. "Mrs. McCloud, I really should examine you, make sure everything is alright," he stammered, feeling the need to be doing something, anything.
Kid answered him. "We want some time alone with our daughter. Come back later."
The doctor almost protested but quickly realized he would not win this battle. Murmuring something about condolences, he retreated out the door, his footsteps echoing throughout the quiet house.
Kid looked at Lou, pushing herself up to a sitting position. Up all night in labor, her face shining with sweat and tears, she had never before looked so beautiful, so brave.
"Let me see her," she said, her tone softened, seeing how gently he cradled their baby.
Kid sat next to her on the bed, placing the bundle into her arms. Lou locked eyes with him first, willing herself to find strength in his eyes. Eventually curiosity won out over fear and grief, and she lifted the corner of the blanket that covered the face of her baby.
She gasped slightly as she saw the little face turned up towards hers, the eyes closed and the expression peaceful, almost as if she were dreaming. Lou found herself transfixed by the sight of her daughter in her arms. Even as the tears flowed, clouding her vision, she refused to move an inch to wipe her eyes, not wanting to miss even a second. Realizing that instead of a lifetime, she had only precious few moments to spend with her angel, she drew the bundle closer, hugging the limp body to her breast.
His own tears falling freely, Kid settled closer to his wife and daughter. He reached out and shifted the blanket slightly, grasping the tiny hand that would never grasp back.
For a few seconds or minutes or hours, the couple gazed at their daughter, the tiny, perfect miracle that they had created, that now lay in their arms. At some point the tears stopped, replaced with a sense of hushed awe. Shock gave way to wonder, and they whispered words of amazement.
"She's beautiful."
"Her skin is so soft."
"Look at her little feet. They're perfect."
"So much hair, just like yours."
And in this moment, they were like any other proud parents, gushing in praise of their perfect baby, smiling as they discovered each perfect part.
As the sun streamed in the window announcing the beginning of a new day, the stillness and heaviness returned. But before allowing herself to fall into grief, Lou sang a melody to her angel baby, welcoming her and saying goodbye, in one moment, in one song.
"Lullaby, baby.
Mommy loves you, baby.
Lullaby, baby.
Daddy loves you, baby.
Goodnight, baby.
Heaven hold you, baby.
Goodnight, baby.
Heaven keep you baby.
Goodbye, baby.
Never forget you, baby.
Goodbye, baby.
Forever mine, baby."
Author's Note: This story is dedicated to the memory of my angel baby, Audrey Ruth, born and died April 21, 2008. I am honored to be your Mommy.