Author's Note: All the lyrics quoted in this story are from Dave Dobbyn's wonderful album Available Light and each of the sections have taken their titles from one of his songs. I hope you enjoy his beautiful words as much as I do.
Part One:
And you will lose everything
Chapter Three
and you could lose everything and everyone abandon
Coleyville, Colorado Territory - September 1865
Jimmy swept his hat from his head, took a deep sigh, and walked into the restaurant. Katie was clearing the table in the corner. She looked across at him as she heard the door open and, upon seeing her, Jimmy felt his insides tighten and his chest constrict. Admonishing himself silently for apparently having the emotions of a love-struck child, he fought the feelings down.
"Morning, Miss Collins," he called across the small room, keeping his tone business-like for the benefit of the customers sitting scattered across the restaurant. "Mr. Miller upstairs?"
"He is, Marshal," Katie nodded and walked towards him, picking her way around the tables. When she reached him her voice dropped but her demeanor remained controlled. "I don't think Joe's doing so well, Bill. I went up this morning to see if there was anything I could do for Esther. She seemed a bit better but he…well, he didn't look so good."
"Can't say I blame him," Jimmy sighed. "Don't worry Katie, I'll go careful." When she still looked concerned he gave her a world-weary smile. "I know what I'm doin', Katie; it's my job."
Katie watched him disappear up the stairs and then headed back to the kitchen to prepare table nine's order. It might be his job, but Katie was sure Bill could think of a thousand things he'd rather be doing right now.
Jimmy found Joe sitting in the small, dark parlor which met you as you reached the top of the rickety stairs. He was sitting on a delicate chair which only served to make him look even larger and more ungainly. His head was in his hands and his clothes were creased and stale-looking. When he heard Jimmy's polite cough he raised his head sharply.
"Bill," Joe stated, rising to his feet to greet the Marshal.
Jimmy reached out and shook the man's hand solemnly. "How you holdin' up, Joe?"
The older man shrugged and slumped back down onto his chair. Jimmy looked around and then took a seat on the edge of the settee opposite Joe.
"And Esther?"
Joe looked across at Jimmy with blue eyes made paler with unshed tears. "She's busy reminding me why I married her. Been askin' all day if the restaurant was busy, if I needed to go down and help. She's always been the same; worried about every other soul but herself. Lying there bruised and…and hurt and only worried that the staff are workin' too hard." Joe gave an incredulous laugh and then broke off suddenly.
He fixed Jimmy with a bitter, hardened expression. "Has he said anything, Bill? Has he admitted it?"
"He's not said a word since I brought him in, Joe, and I don't think we need him to," Jimmy spoke in a low tone. "Esther described him to me down to the buckles on his boots. It's him, and no judge worth his salt is gonna think any different. Plus…plus he had some of Esther's clothing with him."
Jimmy had given the last piece of information in a steady, professional tone. He knew there was no point in not giving Joe the details, as it was bound to come out and, besides that, the man deserved the truth.
"He had…he took…?" Joe suddenly shot to his feet and advanced on Jimmy. "Hickok, I need you to give me some time with him."
Jimmy rose to his feet also and held out one hand in a calming gesture. "You know I can't do that, Joe."
"Damn it, he needs seeing to!"
"I know it. That's what the judge is coming for."
"She's my wife…" Joe Miller suddenly seemed lost for words.
Jimmy laid a hand on his shoulder. "I understand -"
"What do you understand?" Joe snapped, turning on Jimmy. "You got a wife you ain't told me about? Then how can you understand?"
"I understand you want to kill him. And if I did have a wife and he'd hurt her like that, I'd wanna kill him too. But you're smarter than me, Joe. You bide your time; stay home and look after Esther. Let the judge see justice done. Don't you go dirtying your hands on account of scum like that."
Joe stood looking at Jimmy with an expression which plainly showed the struggle going on inside him. Jimmy only knew which side had won when Joe's shoulders slumped and his face crumpled in tearless weeping. He reached out and held the crying man by one shoulder and when Joe stumbled forward slightly, wretched with fury and grief, Jimmy held his head to his chest and let him cry.
When Yellow returned to the jail that evening, Jimmy was sitting in his chair, which he had moved to the narrow boardwalk outside his office.
"Nice night for it," Jimmy greeted, swinging his chair back and resting his head against the wall.
"Bit brisk if you ask me," Yellow countered. "You been out here long?"
"Couldn't stand sittin' in there with him any longer," Jimmy answered.
Yellow looked in the direction indicated by Jimmy's nod of the head and saw the man who had attacked Esther Miller sitting in his cell and staring back at him.
"Maybe it ain't that cold after all," he agreed, leaning back against the railing. "Here."
Jimmy's hands closed around the small package Yellow had thrown into his lap.
"Apple pie and some cookies. Nancy sends her best and suggests you give the saloon a miss and get yourself an early night."
Jimmy looked up quickly, searching his deputy's face for any sign of reprimand or disapproval, but found none. His face broke into a slow grin.
"Might follow that particular piece of advice." Jimmy rose to his feet and pulled his collar up around his neck.
Yellow smiled at the young man who seemed even more weary than usual. "Tough day?"
Jimmy sighed. "I went to see Joe. Knew if I didn't he'd be over here looking to settle things by the end of the day. I think he's seen sense."
Yellow nodded in understanding. "Go get yourself some rest, Hickok. I'll shout for ya if I need ya…same as always."
Jimmy tucked his parcel of baked goods under his arm and stepped off the boardwalk with a wave.
As always his eyes roamed from side to side as he walked down the middle of the darkening street to the boarding house. From the ragged tent city at the end of the street, the warm glow of lamplight was accompanied by the quiet chatter of folks settling down for the evening. There would be no trouble tonight. It was too cold for most folk to venture out and the saloon had been quiet when he'd checked in there earlier.
He was still grateful that he had had the common sense not to take up Alex Clarke's offer of a cheap room at the saloon when he first arrived in town. He succumbed to the temptation of the card tables often enough as it was; what kind of state would he been in if he hadn't removed himself from the enticements the saloon had to offer and taken the room at the boarding house?
Jimmy took the stairs to his room two at a time and after a moment fumbling for his key, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
The room was bare; only a few personal belongings suggesting it was occupied at all. The bed was made - the manager, Mrs. Watkins, insisted on slipping in and tidying up the room every morning - and the curtains had also been pulled across for him, shutting out the cold which seeped in through the gaps around the window frame. He was almost surprised not to find a cup of hot milk by the bed and a bed-warmer under the sheets. Jimmy put his parcel down on the small table by the door and pushed aside the paper. Perching on the edge of the table he munched on a slice of pie, one still-gloved hand hovering under his chin to catch the crumbs.
Looking around his straightened room, Jimmy pondered what it could be about him that enabled a certain sort of person to see straight through his hard facade. Mrs. Watkins, Nancy and Yellow, Joe and Esther, they all seemed to be able to find the chinks in his armor. It made him feel a little vulnerable, exposed. How much did they know? Did they know he was lonely? Did they know he hated his job and that he felt pretty much the same way about himself? Did they know just how easy a target he was if you aimed in the right direction? But he wasn't really complaining; it was nice knowing not everyone bought the Wild Bill act, even if he himself wasn't sure anymore. Just as long as he was still able to put the fear of God into the rest of the rough and ready town.
When he finished his pie, Jimmy shrugged off his jacket, swapped it for the thicker one hanging in his closet and headed back out the door.
Jimmy's breathing slowed and briefly it was in time with Katie's. He enjoyed the moment, the close and intimate nature of it. He held her tighter, his fingers gripping the soft, warm skin which grew bumpy under the touch of his cooler fingers, and listened to the hectic babble of the water in the creek a few yards away. He pressed his face into the hollow of her neck and placed warm kisses on her collar bone. Her fingers slowly started releasing their grip on the hair at the nape of his neck. He breathed her in one last time and then committed to letting go.
"We should be getting you home," he whispered.
"We should be getting you home," she countered, pushing his hair back from his face.
He smiled to himself in the darkness. "Come on then. Walk me home, Miss Collins."
Katie took the hands he offered and he pulled her to her feet. They took a moment to right their clothes carefully, always mindful of the need to keep their secret. When Katie looked up, she saw Jimmy leaning against the tree and watching her. She couldn't see his eyes at all, as they were hidden in the shadow cast by his hat, but even in the moonlight she could make out his lips as they curved into a smile.
"What are you grinning about?" she asked, doing up the last of her buttons.
"Just thinkin' to myself that it would be nice to do this one time without having to keep on half our clothes," he drawled audaciously. "Did you know some people even do it in beds?"
Katie laughed and tossed his gloves to him. "Without twigs and stones poking you in the back? What would be the fun in that?"
"I don't know," Jimmy said, grinning. "I think I might like it."
"Well, no harm in dreaming, Bill," Katie giggled. "Come on. Home."
Jimmy took her hand and tucked it through his arm as they started walking along the creek in the direction of town. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her if she minded the clandestine nature of their time together, the impropriety. To tell her he was sorry and he wished it could be different. But he kept his thoughts to himself. They were coming up to the back of the church before Jimmy spoke again.
"I'll wait until you're inside," he said, the same as always.
"G'night, Bill. Keep safe," Katie whispered.
He stood and watched Katie's receding form until he saw her small shadow disappear up the stairs of the boarding house at the other end of the street. Then, skirting around the edge of the town to the blacksmith's, he cut through until he emerged onto the street from the middle of the cluster of tents opposite the boarding house.
Edgar Watkins sat in his chair next to the window of his ground floor room. Through the wall he could hear the springs of his bed squeak as his wife lay herself down to sleep following her long day of labor. Even that noise sounded condescending and belittling to Edgar. Did she have to flaunt it to his face; how hard she worked? How well she was 'coping' and how useless he was?
He knew what everyone thought. That poor woman, running the boarding house on her own, supporting that pitiable cripple of a husband. How ever did she manage? How noble, how self-sacrificing. What a brave woman.
Ha. What a sham.
What they didn't know was that she loved it. She loved the attention. She loved making a martyr of herself. Oh, she was so much better than he was. With every sacrifice made and every cheek turned she was rubbing salt into the wound. You're a cripple now, Edgar. You need me to take care of you now, Edgar. Such disrespect. From her and the whole damn town.
He'd been one of the first to arrive in Coleyville, before idiots had started arriving by the wagon-load and the buildings had sprung up. He'd been so close, so close to success when it had happened. His accident. The rock slide. And now what? Now he sat by the window day after day watching as those pitiful fools walked along the street, busy with their useless little lives, taking the opportunities which had been snatched from his grasp.
Edgar was reaching towards the table with his cane, trying to hook the blanket his darling wife had left him, when he noticed the marshal walking past the window and making his way up the stairs. Funny. Katie Collins had come in just a few minutes ago. Fourth night in a row this little pattern had played itself out under his clandestine watch. Katie Collins and Bill Hickok. Interesting.
Jimmy shrugged off his jacket and flung it on the table. He rummaged in his food package, pulled out a cookie and sank down onto his bed. Upstairs he could hear soft footsteps, those of bare or stocking-covered feet moving about directly over his head. Katie was getting ready for bed in her room in the attic, which was strictly reserved for the female boarders. Sometimes when Jimmy lay in bed at night he felt that his eyes could burn clear through the ceiling he was staring so hard. He couldn't stop thinking about her.
Trying to master some self-control, Jimmy directed his gaze away from the ceiling and let it travel around the room before falling on the sleeve of the jacket he'd worn that day, which was sticking out of his closet. Clambering over the foot of his bed, Jimmy walked to the closet and, opening the door, felt around in the jacket pocket.
He took a seat at the table to make the most of the lamp light and looked down at the envelope in his hands. After a moment's hesitation, he ran his forefinger along the opening and eased the letter out.
Dearest Jimmy,
I'm sorry it's been a while since my last letter but, seeing as I'm sure you don't read them anyway, I guess it don't matter.
It's been a beautiful summer here filled with long sunny days - the kind when we used to rush through our chores and escape to the pond. I often think about sitting at the edge of the water watching you boys fool around, playing like little children. Sometimes all that doesn't seem so long ago, but then you think of all that's happened in between and you realize just how far away that time really is now.
Buck left this week to pay Cody a visit in St Louis. It took a lot of talking to convince him to go. He wanted to stay and help Kid with the work, but he's been so heartbroken since he found out the truth about Claire that he was making himself ill with the pain and disappointment. He'd been so sure about her. I don't know what's thrown him more, losing her or finding out he could have had it all so wrong. He'd even started thinking about buying a ring. I could kill the girl with my bare hands for hurting him like that. Anyway, hopefully Cody will be able to knock some life back into him.
Teaspoon is still the 'acting' marshal but nobody seems to be doing anything about hiring someone permanent. He complains all the time about being 'tricked' into taking the job but you know Teaspoon - he loves it really.
Rachel's well too and sends her love. Pat's just got back from a couple of weeks in the mountains and so, to be honest, we haven't seen much of them the last few days. Honestly, it's like they're both still newlyweds! But it's lovely to see Rachel so happy.
Noah is growing quickly and looking so much like his daddy now. Kid dotes on him. I know Noah would like to meet his Uncle Jimmy someday soon. Kid would like that too, though I'm sure you won't believe me. I know you think Kid won't forgive you, but I honestly think you're selling him short, Jimmy. Buck and I were mad too, and we've forgiven you. It's just going to take Kid a little longer.
I wish you'd write me, Jimmy. Tell me something about your life. Let me know you're alright. Anything Jimmy - the weather's hot there too, you're living on cheese sandwiches, there's lots of work to do, there are friends for you there, there's a girl… Anything.
We think about you all the time. It doesn't have to be this way.
Ride safe and remember you're a good man, Jimmy.
Your friend always, Lou
Jimmy read the letter through three more times before he looked up at the bare wall in front of him and sighed. He sat still for a while, long enough to register the fact that the movement in the room above had ceased. Katie was in her bed.
He stood slowly and walked to the corner of the room, where he squatted down. Pulling at the skirting board where the two walls met, the wood came away in his hands revealing a hollow in the wall which was nearly filled by a small wooden box. Jimmy slipped his fingers in and drew out the box. Without standing up, he eased off the lid and the papers inside sprang up, threatening to spill out onto the floor. He pushed the letters, all of which were well worn and bore the same neat handwriting, back into the box and placed on top the new addition. He stayed where he was with his fingers pressing on Lou's latest beseeching letter for a full minute before breaking himself from his trance and replacing the lid. He took his time returning the box to its hiding spot and making sure the skirting boards were properly replaced.
Removing only his boots, Jimmy extinguished the lamp and threw himself back on his bed. A feeble trail of moonlight forced its way in through a gap in the curtains and fell across the bed and the wall opposite. There was no sound at all in the building. He lay quietly thinking about his friends, about Lou's pleas and Kid's anger. It was some time before Jimmy found sleep.
Chapter Four
and you will lose everything and everyone will leave you
Rock Creek, November 1861
Buck lay on his bunk watching Jimmy staring out the window. Not that Jimmy would admit that was what he was doing - when Buck had called him on it half an hour ago the other man had mumbled something about cleaning his guns and needing extra light. But Buck knew what he was really doing. Kid and Lou had been getting ready for the trip since breakfast. The day before, Rachel had spent nearly the whole day with Lou, washing and mending all their clothes, and now Kid was busily checking over the horses while Lou packed their meager belongings. Jimmy was watching the goings on around the house with his jaw firmly clamped.
Over the last few weeks all at the old station had watched as Jimmy withdrew more and more, his pursed lips forming a tight, immovable line and his expression a mask of indifference. His mood had been morose at best since the sudden and unexplained end to his relationship with Rosemary and they'd all been certain they could guess what Jimmy's response to Kid's decision would be. They'd all been wrong.
This definitely wasn't the way any of them had expected Jimmy to handle it. From past experience they had prepared themselves for a typical angry reaction, but the night Kid had announced over dinner that he and Lou would be leaving for Virginia, Jimmy had kept his head down and his opinions to himself, with only the occasional meaningful glance in Lou's direction. He'd kept his silence as preparations had begun for their departure and now the day was nearly upon them and he looked ready to explode with pent up anger.
Buck searched for a way to defuse the tension he saw in his friend. He stood up from his bunk and picked up his hat.
"I told Rachel I'd pick up a few things for her from Tompkins today. Give me a hand?"
Jimmy looked up at Buck dumbly for a moment and then rose to his feet stiffly and without comment. The two walked through the door and made their way over to check the list with Rachel. Buck even managed to get a few words out of Jimmy, even if it was only to agree with his comment about the weather. And so, Buck could have cried with frustration when they ran into Kid, who was on his way out of the house as they walked in.
The three men stood awkwardly for a moment, as though sizing each other up. Buck couldn't help but feel caught in the middle and he did his best to smooth the situation over.
"Rachel around? We're just heading over to Tompkins," he asked lightly.
"She's inside with Lou - they're packing."
Kid spoke with a firm tone, his eyes fixed on Jimmy and his attitude something of a challenge. To Buck's relief, Jimmy kept his eyes averted and his mouth shut. Buck made to pass Kid and walk into the house but he was blocked by Kid's hand.
"They're a bit, er, busy at the moment. Might be best to leave them a while."
As if on cue, the sound of Lou's rising high-pitched cries could be heard and were followed by Rachel's gently consolatory tones and then the younger woman's weeping.
"She's a bit upset," Kid explained, almost sheepishly.
"No prizes for guessing why," Jimmy snapped, unable to stop himself. Then, as if regretting his words instantaneously, he stepped into the house, away from Kid's bristling indignation, and called out to Rachel.
"Me and Buck are goin' over to Tompkins' now, Rachel."
The voices upstairs fell quiet and moments later he could hear footsteps on the stairs. Turning to walk back out of the house, Jimmy found his path blocked by Kid's angry form.
"What was that supposed to mean?" Kid demanded. The tension between him and Jimmy had been building and building to the point that he was almost glad for the opportunity to have it out.
"Nothin'," Jimmy replied, shrugging his way past Kid and out the door.
Kid tried to grab at his arm but missed and instead followed Jimmy outside, his anger mounting.
"Damn it, Hickok. If you've got something to say just say it."
Jimmy turned on his friend, his face a picture of fury. Over Kid's shoulder he noticed Buck's concerned face. He tried to rein himself in.
"Leave it, Kid," Jimmy said, keeping his voice low and controlled.
"Why? So you can make a martyr of yourself, storming around with your high and mighty attitude? You think you're not making it damn clear what you think about us goin'? As if you haven't pushed your opinion about this on me often enough in the past. You think you're making any of this any easier?"
Jimmy was about to retaliate when he saw Lou emerge from the house and step onto the porch. She looked at her friend with anxious eyes.
"Please, Jimmy."
Kid turned around at the sound of his wife's voice and then whirled back around on Jimmy.
"What about Lou, Jimmy? Think you're makin' this any easier on her?"
Buck and Lou both cringed as they practically heard the camel's back break at this last, particularly well-placed straw.
"Me? You think I'm the one makin' this hard on her?" Jimmy hissed, his anger boiling over. "God damn it, Kid!"
Suddenly Buck was in between them. He'd had enough practice at pulling these two off each other to know when intervention was needed.
"Come on, Jimmy, you don't want to do this. Neither do you, Kid." He patted Jimmy on the shoulder and started trying to guide him away. "Tompkins, remember?"
Jimmy was having none of it, however. He shook Buck off and turned back towards the house.
"I'm sorry, Lou, I know I promised you. But I can't do it! I won't. This is the stupidest damn thing I ever heard of and I can't stand by and watch you both do it."
"You don't have a choice, Jimmy," Kid barked. "It ain't your decision to make - it's ours; mine and Lou's. It ain't your place, Jimmy. You don't get a say in this!"
"So that's it, is it?" Jimmy took a step closer to Kid and Lou felt her heart sink a little further. "It's just the two of you now, is it? We ain't all family anymore?"
"That's right," Kid shouted back, emphasizing his words with a push to Jimmy's chest. "So try mindin' your own damn business for a change."
Jimmy was about to retaliate, his fingers already bunched into a fist, when he caught another glimpse of Lou's sorrowful face over Kid's left shoulder. When she'd come to him, the day before Kid had announced their decision to leave, he'd promised her he wouldn't do this. He'd promised her he'd keep his peace and that he and Kid would go their separate ways as friends. He breathed out slowly through his mouth and tried to relax his muscles. He couldn't give Lou the friendly farewell she had asked for but he wasn't about to end things with a fist fight.
He looked Kid in the eye, noting his anger and determination. "You're a fool," he said quietly. Then he turned on his heel and began to walk away.
Kid wasn't about to let things go so easily, however.
"You just can't accept this, can you, Jimmy?" he shouted following quickly on Jimmy's heels. "It's my life-"
"It's my life!" Jimmy roared, wheeling around to face Kid. "It's my life - the life I want. I'd give anything to have what you have and you're gonna give it all away! You're just gonna offer it up to this stupid damn war and let some general decide whether you get to keep it or you die in the mud! I can't abide it, Kid! I…"
He stopped when he realized he was near trembling with fury. Looking at Kid, Lou and Buck's stunned expressions and past them to the anxious faces of Teaspoon and Rachel, who had come out of the house at the sound of the first heated words, Jimmy realized the weight of his emotions far outstripped the words he had available.
This time when he walked off, Kid didn't follow. Moments later his friends watched as he sped out on Sundance, knowing he wouldn't be back by the time Kid and Lou left the next morning.
Chapter Five
i see you got big black eyes
and my spirit shudders and fades
with addiction's ladders and snakes
Hanmer Creek, Montana Territory - September 1865
Kid's body was aching from head to toe by the time he finally decided to return home. He looked around as he wandered toward the stables, his eyes dancing over the landscape. The light was fading and leaving a warm glow across the land, like the dying embers of a fire. Soon the shadows would creep their way up the mountains, marking the end of the day and the beginning of a deep, black night.
The work was hard, much harder without Buck's assistance, and he was having to take desperate measures to stop the ranch from going under, but God, he loved it. He knew the land like the back of his hand and every tree and the shadow it cast were familiar to him. Kid knew he could make it work. If they could just get over this patch things would start to improve and he could make a wonderful life for his small family in this open new land. He was going to succeed or die trying. He drew his shoulders up a little straighter as he felt himself invigorated by a renewed sense of purpose.
As Kid trudged up to the house, his muscles throbbing but his nostrils delighting in the scent of the evening air, he noticed that Noah hadn't run out onto the porch to greet him like usual. For a moment the thought crossed his mind that maybe Lou and Noah were still in town with Rachel, but the smell drifting out towards him of his dinner cooking told him otherwise.
"Smells good, sweetheart," Kid greeted as he walked into the kitchen. Lou was standing at the stove with her back to him and turned her head slightly when he spoke. "It's been a good day; got a lot done. Did you go to Rachel's?"
"Noah's asleep already," Lou said, her voice low. "You need to keep your voice down."
Kid face tensed into an exaggerated cringe and he tiptoed over to his wife. "I'm sorry, Louise. My beautiful, lovely wife…"
His hands reached out to encircle his wife's waist as he grinned from ear to ear, but Lou's reaction to his touch was immediate. She whirled around to face him, nearly hitting him with the wooden spoon which she still grasped in her hand.
In the days to come Kid would look back at this moment, at the moment when he felt his heart drop within his chest and he knew it was all over, and wonder what had shocked him most, the fury displayed on his wife's face or the deep purple bruise which marked her right cheekbone.
"Don't you touch me, Kid. Don't you dare touch me," Lou hissed. Tears were already welling in her eyes and her body shook with rage.
"Louise…Lou…what happened?" Kid whispered, checking the hand he had involuntarily lifted towards her face.
"How could you?"
Kid could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. "Lou…"
"What were you thinking? Of all the stupid things…" Lou broke off as her voice grew louder. She looked over her shoulder at the wall that separated them from the room in which their son lay sleeping and then moved swiftly out of the room and onto the porch. There was no question that Kid was to follow her.
When her husband emerged behind her Lou had her mouth open ready to speak but Kid shook his head.
"Lou, I need to know what happened. You're hurt…I'm your husband, I…"
"Husband?" Lou seethed, swiping away his outstretched hand. "Don't play that card with me, Kid. This marriage obviously ain't what I thought it was. When were you going to tell me, Kid? When we were homeless? When James Fletcher came to kick us out of our home?"
"Fletcher? You spoke with Fletcher?"
"I know all about it, Kid. He told me what you've done. He…"
"Lou," Kid cut in anxiously. "Fletcher - you spoke with him today? Has that got anything to do with your face?"
"I know all about…"
But Kid was talking over the top of her, reality dawning on him with cruel certainty as he put two and two together.
"Lou, your face…How? Was it Fletcher? Did he hurt you, Lou?"
Kid's voice sounded incredulous even though he already knew the answer. His wife had raised a hand protectively to her bruised cheek and her chin began to tremble. Ignoring her protests, Kid took a step towards Lou and reached for her. She pushed at his outstretched arms and turned her face away, unwilling even to look at him, anger coursing through her body. After a brief struggle, Kid managed to place his hands on either side of her bruised face and Lou felt the energy she'd been running on all afternoon desert her.
"Louise." He was looking down at her face with concern and fear. He was waiting for an answer he didn't want to hear.
"He hit me," Lou gasped, tears falling from her eyes and running down the path created where Kid's work-worn hands met her face. "He tried to… he said if I didn't…he said next time I had to or he'd take the ranch."
Kid stood holding his wife's face for a moment as his insides clenched with anger and his blood ran icy cold, then he dropped his hands and pulled away from her.
Briefly, as she saw Kid turn and walk at a fast pace towards the stables, Lou watched dumbly. Seconds later she was on his heels.
"Kid! Kid, where are you going?"
Kid didn't pause or turn as he responded. "Fletcher."
"No, Kid, that ain't gonna help. You want to make things worse than they already are?"
"What do you want me to do?" Kid shouted, turning so suddenly that Lou nearly ran into him. "He can't get away with this!"
"I know that," Lou shouted back, "but you're not going to fix it like this."
All Kid could manage for a moment was to breathe; hot, angry breaths that made his nostrils flare. When he spoke again his jaw was tight and his hands clenched by his sides.
"He came here, to the house?"
Lou tried to keep her voice steady as she answered, resigned to having to talk about it if it kept Kid from riding off to strangle the man with his bare hands. "He was on his way here. We met him on our way back from Rachel's."
"And what did he say?"
"That he was coming to see you about repaying the loan. That he expected your conversation to be 'unpleasant'. Oh, Kid. How could you do it?"
Kid's shoulders dropped wearily.
"I had to, Lou. We weren't meeting the bank repayments and there weren't nowhere else to find the money from." His voice was full of anguish. "I know I should have told you…"
"Like hell you should have told me, Kid! You should have asked me; asked me my opinion. And what about Buck? You didn't see fit to let our partner in on our business problems?"
"He knows it's bad…just not how bad. I couldn't do it to him, Lou. He was so down about Claire. And I figured by the time he got back I'd have paid off Fletcher and we'd be getting back on our feet again. We're so close, Lou. All we need is a bit of time…"
Lou shook her head tiredly. "How many men do you think have said that before, Kid?"
"It's true, though, Lou. I know this can work. I know it!" When Lou didn't respond, Kid let out a sigh. "You don't know how hard this has been, dealing with all this on my own."
"That's just it, Kid," Lou cried. "You didn't have to do it on your own. You should have come to me and Buck. You should have told us the truth."
"I didn't want to put it on you; not when you've been so worried about Noah…"
"Don't you bring Noah into this, Kid," Lou snapped, her ire rising again. "You weren't thinking about me or Noah when you let Fletcher into our lives, a man who'll scare little boys and blackmail women."
"What exactly did he say to you, Lou?" Kid asked, the ferocity returning to his voice.
"He found money in my purse and said he'd take that as a payment this time but he'd be back for the rest of his 'installments'; that I should make myself more 'pleasing'. He said no one would believe me and that they would think I was making it up to get you out of the debt," Lou recounted, her eyes again brimming with tears.
"That bastard. That bastard! Who the hell does he think he is? I owe him money so he thinks he can have you? What kind of person…?"
Lou watched he husband as he tried to process it all. After a while it looked like he was gaining some control of himself; his fists weren't clenched so tight and the fury in his eyes was ebbing into sadness. Then, suddenly, he was looking straight at her, his brow creased in confusion.
"What money?"
Realizing her mistake too late, Lou tried to cover her tracks.
"Just…just a bit of money I'd got together; to get some things in town."
"Why did you still have it, then?" Kid asked. "You said you were on your way back from town. And why would he let you go for a few coins?"
Lou was lost for words. She stared up at Kid, desperately racking her mind to find a way to forestall the argument she knew would come when Kid found out.
"What aren't you telling me, Lou?"
"It wasn't a few coins," Lou said quietly, looking down at her feet. "It was money that…" She sighed, knowing there was no avoiding it now, and took the plunge. "It was from Jimmy."
Kid's back was instantly ram-rod straight. "Jimmy?" he spat. "Jimmy?"
"I've been writing to him, Kid, for a while. He's in Colorado marshaling and…"
"You asked Jimmy Hickok for money?" Kid shouted. "Is that some kind of joke? After what he did?"
"I never asked him for money, Kid," Lou shouted back. "He just sends it. He's trying to make things better."
"Wait. Sends it? You mean it's happened before?"
Lou was exhausted, defeated. She couldn't argue anymore. "Every couple of months since he left," she answered, looking Kid square in the eye.
Kid turned his back on Lou and stood with his hands clenching his hair. "All this time. All this time I thought I was keeping us afloat and really it was Jimmy. He's been supportin' my family with his winnings while I've been scrubbing around in the dirt like a fool."
He turned around to face Lou, his pallid face drawn and bitter. "And James Fletcher must think I'm a damn fool, too, if he thinks I'm going to let him get away with this. I owe the man money so he has the right to use my wife? He thinks I'm just going to take that? That I won't protect you?"
"Kid…"
"No. No, Lou," Kid said firmly, drawing his arm out of her grasp. "I might not have been doin' any kind of a job of lookin' after you all, but there's no way in hell I'm letting him hurt you like that."
Lou followed Kid to the stables trying to reason with him but all she could do was step aside as he rode his horse out of the yard. Her instinct was to follow him, but Noah was asleep in his bed and she had no chance of catching up with Kid once she'd got the little boy up and hitched up the buckboard. Feeling drained and numb, Lou stood in the yard a long while watching Kid ride out of sight and the dust begin to settle. She could do nothing to help him now and could only hope that, angry as he was, Kid had the sense not to make an awful mistake.
Chapter Six
and you dig that crazy grave
the folks around you raving
the soil forever caving in on you
take it from one who's drained
the cracked glass of despair again
and how to overcome
Rock Creek - 1861
Jimmy stopped just outside of town and let his head hang back, closing his weary eyes against the brightness of the crisp blue sky. He'd been dreading coming back since he rode out after his argument with Kid six days ago.
And now they'd be gone.
Jimmy couldn't imagine how different the place would be with them gone. Ike, Noah and now Kid and Lou. He knew it was different - that two of those friends had lost their lives and the other two were only leaving to start new ones - but it didn't change the fact that their 'family' was falling apart. Would they even bother to hold onto each other, the ones who were left, or would they all drift apart, carried by the waves created by the war? Jimmy didn't really want to go home to find out. It was easier to do the leaving than be left. Rosemary had taught him that lesson…among others.
The other thing that was holding him back was the reaction of his friends to how he'd dealt with Kid and Lou's departure, the things he'd said when pushed too far. He didn't want them feeling sorry for him. He did a good enough job of that himself.
He knew he looked rough. He'd let himself sink pretty low the last few days, doing a good few things that he wasn't proud of, let alone anyone back home. The thing that worried him was how easy it had been and how strangely fulfilling he had found it. It was hard always trying to live up to other people's standards. A lot easier to go someplace where the folks didn't expect a damn thing of you, apart from drinking, gambling and whoring. But he knew it showed on his face and the others would know straight away.
He thought once more about his parting words to Kid and cringed. He'd told everyone how he felt, what he had been keeping inside, and now there was no taking it back. He knew they'd probably misinterpret it - Kid would for sure. But explaining himself to the others would just open it all up again. And what was the point, anyway? Kid could think whatever he wanted. If they were never going to see each other again it didn't matter what he thought, did it?
It wasn't Lou he wanted, although God knows there were times he'd thought about it. It was their life; a life of promise and obscurity. They had each other and they had dreams. No one was spelling out their future for them, dictating who they were and what they were going to do. And there was no denying that he was jealous of Kid. That time with Lou, when he'd kissed her so stupidly and recklessly, he'd been driven by the acceptance he'd seen in her eyes, the admiration, even. He'd wanted so desperately to be the man she seemed to see when she looked at him. He'd wanted to be part of something that pure and good. Everyone knew Kid and Lou drove each other crazy at times, but they accepted each other's flaws and loved each other in spite of them, maybe even because of them, in part. Who wouldn't want to be loved like that?
With an audible groan Jimmy gave Sundance a nudge and they continued on into town.
Rachel walked onto the porch as she saw Jimmy riding in, wiping her floury hands on her apron. She offered a silent prayer of thanks and then called over her shoulder to those in the house. As he drew closer she stepped down from the porch and walked towards him.
"You look terrible," she commented, giving his arm a gentle squeeze once he had dismounted.
"I'm fine," was the gruff reply, offset only by a smile so slight it showed only in his eyes. "I'm gonna take care of Sundance, then get some sleep."
"Well, hold up just a minute," Rachel murmured, looking over her shoulder towards the open door to the house. "I think the others want to say hello."
Jimmy frowned. "I was gone six days, Rachel, not six years. Buck and Teaspoon can't have missed me that much."
He turned to lead his horse away but turned back when he heard Rachel say his name and felt her touch on his arm.
Standing on the porch with Teaspoon were Kid and Lou.
Kid looked stony-faced and had his arms folded across his chest but Lou was grinning from ear to ear, as was Teaspoon. A moment after his brain had registered that they were there, Jimmy found Lou in his arms, her arms looped around his neck. He haltingly dropped Sundance's reins and returned her hug.
"What are you doin' here? I thought you would've gone," he asked in confusion.
"We did go," Lou smiled up at him. "And now we're back."
Jimmy looked from Lou's smiling face to Kid's blank one. "I don't understand."
"We came back because we changed our minds about goin' to Virginia," Lou said.
"Someone changed them for us."
Jimmy looked up at the sound of Kid's voice. He was standing on the edge of the porch looking down at them both, his face still expressionless. Then Kid's head dropped down and when he raised it again he looked at Jimmy with his head tilted and a grin on his face.
"You were right, Jimmy…But don't expect to hear those words comin' out my mouth ever again."
Teaspoon, Rachel and Lou broke into laughter but Jimmy's tired mind was still struggling to take it all in. He did, however, manage to walk over to Kid and reach up to shake his hand, a smile forming on his face as he did so.
"I'm glad, Kid. I'm real glad."
Buck smiled to himself as he watched the goings on from a distance. It was like watching Lou and Kid ride back in all over again, experiencing the revelation a second time, this time from Jimmy's point of view. He turned to head back to the barn and finish the chores he had started. It was a relief knowing Kid and Lou were safe - as safe as any of them ever were, anyway. But, more than that, he was pleased they were all making an effort to stay together. Family was hard to come by; if you found it, you had to hang on tight.
1862
Over the last few months life at the old Express station had settled into a familiar rhythm. It wasn't always a comfortable rhythm but it was the only way they could make it work.
Despite returning to Rock Creek, Kid still felt some guilt for not heading home to Virginia. It didn't sit well with him, letting other men go out and fight his battle, but any thoughts he had on the matter were overpowered by his desire to make things work with Lou and the rest of the 'family'. Jimmy's words on that fateful day had struck a chord with him and he knew there was no going back. Family was what made a place a home, and his home was here now.
Kid walked back towards the house he and Lou still shared with Rachel, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets to escape from the cold. He'd just lost another few hours work; Widow Mason couldn't afford to keep him on anymore. There was no doubt about it - the work was drying up.
Since the end of the Express he had been picking up odd jobs around the place, trying to scrape together a wage. Recently that wage was getting harder and harder to come by and he knew it was the same for Buck, too. Jimmy was the only one who didn't seem affected by the lack of honest work. It didn't matter what was going on in the rest of the world, the saloons would always boast a crowd of men eager to lose their money to you, or to take yours.
The amount of time Jimmy was spending in various nearby saloons was one of the topics Kid was avoiding in order to keep the peace. He kept his mouth shut when Jimmy rolled back into town after a few days away looking like death warmed up. He didn't mention the fact that Jimmy was at the centre of a lot of the brawls which Teaspoon had been breaking up in town lately or that he'd been seen in the company of a few less than genteel young ladies. As long as he didn't come home drunk or bring trouble to their doorsteps Kid was trying to remember it was none of his business.
What made that a little easier said than done was the look of concern which had made a home for itself on Teaspoon's weathered features and watching his wife sit at the bedroom window of a night, waiting to make sure their errant friend made his way home in one piece before she could sleep soundly.
Kid made his way up the steps onto the porch and recognized the sound of his wife humming away to herself in the midst of her latest cooking attempt. He smiled to himself in spite of his worry. Coming home to Lou always reminded him that the decision he had made was the right one. He crept into the kitchen and caught his wife around the waist and was rewarded by a squeal of surprise, followed by a warm and welcoming kiss.
"Mornin' Hickok, ain't seen you around the last couple of…"
"Whiskey." The word was a demand not a request and the barkeeper followed Hickok's lead. He shut his mouth and poured the drink, sweeping up the coins which the other man had laid on the bar.
Jimmy took his drink and turned around, leaning against the bar with his elbows propped up. There was a card game in progress in the corner and after downing his drink he walked over to the vacant chair.
"Boys."
"Hickok. Take a seat."
Jimmy eased into the chair and looked around the table as the players completed the hand. Wallace and Johnson he knew, but there was a young man, a boy, sitting across from him who he hadn't seen around before. The boy was looking back at Jimmy in between pretending to play the game.
When Johnson had won the hand and was drawing his winnings towards him, the boy could contain himself no longer.
"Simon Perkins," he said, reaching his hand across the table to Jimmy. "I'm real pleased to meet you, Mr. Hickok."
Jimmy grunted a reply and turned his attention to the cards being dealt. The fresh faced youth was still watching him.
"So, uh, you live around these parts, Bill?"
Wallace and Johnson both looked up sharply and then wisely directed their attention back to the cards in their hands. Jimmy, meanwhile, hadn't looked up from his. After fingering his cards intently for a long moment, he flipped some coins into the centre of the table. As he did so the glanced up at Perkins.
"Just who is it you're talkin' to, boy?"
Foolish though the boy was, he knew enough to recognize the steely tone in Hickok's voice. He opened his mouth to talk but no words came out.
Suddenly a loud shout came from above, followed by a noise which sounded like wooden furniture breaking. A door could be heard being flung open and then some more shouting. Jimmy looked up in time to see a man's body come tumbling over the balcony and down onto the next table, splitting it in half.
"What the hell?" Jimmy muttered to himself in annoyance as everyone jumped up and rushed over to where the man lay.
Reluctantly laying down his cards, Jimmy got to his feet and walked over to the broken table. The small crowd of men parted to let him through and he crouched down to examine the body. The bloody state of the man's head confirming there was nothing more to be done, Jimmy looked up and saw the barkeeper rushing back down the stairs.
"What happened Garson?" Jimmy asked, walking over towards the man.
"It was Jessie," the barkeep replied, rubbing his temples and glancing anxiously towards where the crowd still stood. "Said the man was beating on her so she pulled out a gun. He was in such a hurry to get out of there he ran right into the banister and went over the top. He'd been in here drinkin' since last night."
"Someone needs to get the Marshal."
Jimmy looked around at the voice from the crowd and then back at Garson. "Make sure Jessie don't go no place and get that lot out of here. I'll go get Teaspoon."
Squinting as he stepped out into the sunlight, Jimmy turned and started making his way down the street. No point in hurrying. The man was dead and the girl's story couldn't be proved or disproved. Besides anything, the sooner he got to the jail the sooner he had to tell Teaspoon that he'd been drinking and gambling at eleven o'clock in the morning.
As Jimmy neared the jail he was brought up short by the sound of Rachel in obvious distress. As he moved closer he caught a glimpse of her and Teaspoon through the window and then heard his name. Drawing back so that he couldn't be seen, he stood quietly and listened.
"…got to let it run its course," he heard Teaspoon saying, his voice weary.
"What if it doesn't stop here?" Rachel countered. "Are we just going to let him go further and further down the wrong path?"
"If we confront him about it we're only gonna push him away, sweetheart. At least if he's here we can keep an eye on him, yank him back in line if he goes too far."
"When's too far? When he's forgotten the meaning of an honest day's work? When he spends more time drunk than sober? When he gets himself killed?"
It was Lou's voice that time and Jimmy leant his head back against the wall. He was angry that they were in there talking about him, sure, but more than that he felt guilty. Every word they said was true. They knew he was getting in too deep and they didn't even know the half of it. What's more, they didn't know that he was enjoying it, taking a perverse pleasure in every fall he took.
"I don't know, Lou. I don't know. I guess we just gotta look after him the best we can."
Jimmy turned and took a few steps away from the building. When he turned back he had his emotions under control and noisily made his way back towards the jail. He ignored the startled expressions of the others as he walked in and the way Lou tried to hide her red, puffy eyes. He tried for some kind of smile.
"Bit of trouble over at the saloon, Teaspoon. One of the girls and some drunk."
Teaspoon let out an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, for a quiet life."
Buck was sitting on the edge of Teaspoon's desk and rose to his feet as the older man made for the door. "Need a hand, Teaspoon?"
"I'll go," Jimmy cut in, then looked awkwardly at Teaspoon. "If you want."
"Thank you, son," the older man smiled, placing a hand on Jimmy's shoulder as he followed him out the door.
The three remaining occupants of the room looked at each other with enquiring eyes before moving off.
Jimmy had made it to dinner at the house for the first time in over a week. The conversation he'd overheard that morning had been running through his mind all day and he'd stayed away from the saloon after helping Teaspoon tidy matters up. After a day spent out riding, Jimmy had found himself still stone cold sober by the time the sun went down and decided to make an appearance at the evening meal.
He'd been sitting quietly listening to the others talk. It was comforting, in a way, to hear their easy chatter, but it also made him realize that he was on the outside now. Kid had been describing the neighboring property which he'd inspected that morning. He, Lou and Buck had decided that the best way to make a living for themselves was to buy their own property and start up a horse ranch. Jimmy had kept well clear of all the plans and only knew that buying a property was proving harder than they'd thought. They had quickly discovered that, even after pooling their money, they were coming up short.
"Close to town, the house and barn well kept; it was great."
Kid threw down his napkin and sat back in his chair.
"So how much did he want?" Buck asked.
"Same as usual - too much. It would have been so perfect. Now it just feels like we're never gonna get there." Kid replied as he watched his wife despondently push her food around her plate with her fork.
"So you need more money?" Jimmy summarized, looking up from his meal.
"Yeah," Kid sighed. "A lot more."
There was a short pause.
"I got money."
Everyone at the table looked up at Jimmy in surprise as he looked back down at his plate and took another mouthful of food. When no one spoke, Jimmy looked back up.
"I mean, if you all don't want another partner, I understand," he said, trying to keep his voice calm and light. "It was just a thought."
"Really, Jimmy?" asked Lou, the first one to find her voice.
Jimmy shrugged. "Sure. But like I said, I'll understand if…"
"No," Kid said, in bewilderment. "We just didn't think…I mean, you never really seemed interested and we…"
"You really want to go partners with us?" Buck asked.
Jimmy's reply was a broad grin. "If you reckon you could put up with me."
Kid let out a whoop of laughter and, rising to his feet, extended a hand to Jimmy across the table. "You got a deal."
A round of hand-shaking and hugs followed and Rachel even had to wipe away a tear. Only Teaspoon remained less than joyous and when he locked eyes with Jimmy in the midst of the celebrations there was something in the young man's gaze that turned Teaspoon's curiosity to doubt.
Kid and Louise McCloud were lying in bed watching the red blush of dawn creeping in through their uncovered window and across their bedroom ceiling. Lou's head was resting against Kid's shoulder and they were holding hands, their fingers entwined.
"You're going to regret not getting any sleep when you're half way through mucking out Bailey's barn," Lou grinned, placing a kiss on her husband's bare shoulder.
"I can't help it, Lou," Kid answered, turning over so that he was lying on his side and facing his wife. "I can't believe it's all working out. By tonight we'll be joint owners of a horse ranch! I feel so excited; so full of energy!"
"I noticed that," Lou giggled, running her fingers down Kid's chest.
Kid laughed and gave Lou a cheeky smile. "You didn't exactly seem lethargic yourself."
There was silence for a while as they kissed, Lou wrapping her arms around her husband's shoulders and holding him tight.
"It's gonna be so good, Lou," Kid whispered, pulling back to look down at her. "I promise."
With that he swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to get dressed and ready for the day.
"I've never seen you so eager to be gettin' to work," Lou observed, rolling over so that she was lying across the bed and resting on her elbows as she watched her husband.
"Sooner I get my work done the sooner I can head over to see Mr. Fisher and pay him the money. And then," Kid announced, picking up his clean shirt with a flourish, "my days of muckin' out other men's barns are over."
"And the days of muckin' out your own can begin," Lou added.
"Yeah," Kid agreed with a laugh. "Listen, can you catch up with Jimmy and Buck this mornin' and tell them they need to bring their share of the money with them today? I'll meet them at Teaspoon's after work and we can go over to Fisher's together."
"Sure," Lou answered, raising her face to accept the kiss her husband offered. "You're not headin' off already? What about breakfast?"
"Too busy for breakfast, Louise. I got a business dealings to attend to," Kid advised her in a grandiose tone before dropping another kiss on her head and practically flying out the bedroom door.
Lou rolled onto her back as she listened to Kid go tearing down the stairs two at a time. His enthusiasm was infectious. She crawled out of bed and began dressing. Today was going to be such a wonderful day, she didn't want to miss a second of it.
Kid felt like he was floating on air as he walked down the street towards the jail. He'd told John Bailey he wouldn't be needing the job any more and finished his day's work in record time. In a short while he, Lou, Buck and Jimmy would be heading out to the Fisher place - the soon to be McCloud, Cross and Hickok place - to take ownership. He was so busy thinking about his plans that he didn't even notice the looks on their faces as he walked into the jail.
"Afternoon, folks. Anyone feel like buyin' a ranch?"
He stood grinning from ear to ear and looking around at his friends, and it was then that he realized something was wrong.
"What is it?" he asked, his brow creasing as his gaze settled on Lou's pale face and her red-rimmed eyes. "What's happened?"
"Jimmy," Buck said tonelessly, from where he was slumped in a chair next to Teaspoon's desk.
"What happened to him? Is he alright?"
There was a strained silence.
"He's gone, son," Teaspoon stated, walking over to him and placing a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Gone?"
"He left town," Buck elaborated. Kid noticed the bitter edge to his friend's voice and stared disbelievingly.
"He what?"
"He didn't come back to the bunkhouse last night. No one's seen him since yesterday."
"Well…" Kid's brain fought for a moment to think this through. "Maybe he's just…"
"He's taken his stuff," Buck continued. "Not everything, but the important things are gone. I checked this morning when we couldn't find him."
Kid looked around at the faces surrounding him. Lou's eyes had filled with tears and Rachel had a hand pressed to her lips. Teaspoon's hand tightened its grip on his shoulder.
"Who saw him last?" he asked in a clipped voice which didn't sound to him like his own.
"Spoke to a couple of boys who said they saw him in the saloon…" Teaspoon began.
Kid was out the door and striding towards the saloon before Teaspoon could finish his sentence.
When the doors to the saloon banged open a few bleary eyes looked up in interest at the young man striding towards the bar.
"Garson," Kid called as he reached the bar, his fingers digging into the stained wood.
"What can I get you?" the barkeep asked, walking towards Kid.
"Hickok, Jimmy Hickok; you seen him?" Kid demanded.
He could hear footsteps behind him and turned his head briefly to see Buck and Teaspoon approaching.
Garson laughed. "Don't think I'd want to see him this mornin'. Must be feelin' mighty bad after last night. Never seen him like that before."
"Like what?" Teaspoon asked, quietly.
"Well, he didn't have a drop to drink the whole night, aside from the bottle he took with him when he left. But he was playin' cards like he was too far gone to see the damn things, let alone win a hand."
"He lost money?" Kid asked in a cold voice.
"He lost a hell of a lot of money," Garson corrected. "Like I said, though, I ain't never seen him play like that. Didn't win a single hand. It was like he wanted to lose. Didn't talk to a single damn person except to ask for more cards. Didn't fold a single time, neither, even if he had a dud hand. Just kept piling the money on the table till he only had enough left to buy a bottle of whiskey as he walked out the door. He must be feelin' like hell right about now."
Kid continued to stare at the man until Garson started to look uncomfortable, mumbled something about getting something from out the back and disappeared. Then Kid turned and looked at his two friends. Buck's eyes glinted with anger just as he imagined his own must, but Teaspoon's were glistening with what Kid could only interpret as sorrow. He walked past them and out the door.
"Kid," Teaspoon's voice called out to him but Kid kept on walking. "Son, hold up a minute. I know you're hurting but you gotta understand…"
"Understand what?" Kid snapped, whirling around to see not only Teaspoon and Buck but Rachel and Lou, who had walked over from the jail. "I've had enough of understanding James Butler Hickok. His life's so damn hard because he's got a reputation. We all gotta be understanding because he's feeling guilty over folks calling him out? Well I'll tell you one thing…"
He looked around at his assembled friends with a face like thunder. "If that cowardly bastard ever sets foot in this town or anywhere the hell near me again, I'll be the one calling him out."
Kid turned and walked away. To his fury he felt his eyes filling with tears and he brushed them away with the back of his sleeve. It was all gone; all the dreams which had suddenly filled him with life and hope. Gone. Kid liked to think that there weren't many people he'd met in his short life who he actually hated, but however many there were he knew one thing for sure: Jimmy Hickok had just added himself to the list.
To Be Continued