It was starting to rain as Jimmy rode into the yard at the old Pony Express station. He knew that Rachel would have some hot coffee waiting for him. Looking out at the rain from the barn's doorway, his thoughts turned again to Louise. As if it were yesterday, he could see her standing in the falling rain with her face tilted upwards, laughing. How she loved the rain when it was gentle like it fell today. With a sad shake of his head, he closed the door, turned up his collar and made a run for the house. Once inside the door he was assaulted by a whirlwind of arms and legs. Hope hugged his legs and nearly toppled him as he reached to lift her into his arms. 'God, does she look like her mother,' he thought burying his face in her neck. "How's Daddy's little angel today?" he asked setting her back down. Pouting, Hope looked at him with the same look in her eyes that Lou used to get when she was mad at him. "I'm not little anymore Daddy! I'm eight years old and Aunt Rachel says that's a big girl." Jimmy reached down and ruffled her hair and laughed. "You're right Hope. I keep forgetting that you're not my little girl anymore. Why, next week I'll probably be waiting for all your beaus with my shotgun ready." Rolling her eyes, Hope wailed, "Daddy!" then ran to the kitchen where he could hear Rachel getting supper ready. Jimmy picked up one of Hope's dolls that had fallen on the floor and laid it on the settee. He stopped for a moment and recalled how Louise had fallen in love with that settee when she had seen it in the store window. It was a deep blue with a leaf pattern in the fabric. Said it reminded her of the evening sky from a run she had been on when they rode for the Pony Express. It had cost a small fortune at the time but how could he say no to her? Lou hardly ever asked for anything and he could tell it meant a lot to her at the time. Now, it was just another reminder of her. Everywhere he looked, he could see her touch, even after all these years and with Rachel living here, helping take care of Hope while he worked with Buck on their horse ranch. He didn't think Rachel had ever changed a thing from the way Lou had left it when she died. *~*~*~*~* Later that evening after Hope had been put to bed, Rachel brought Jimmy a cup of coffee out on the porch. The rain had stopped and a warm breeze blew from the west. "How are you doing Jimmy?" Rachel inquired as she sat on the swing. Jimmy sighed, "I'm doing as fine as can be expected with what time of year it is." Rachel nodded and sat in silence as her mind wandered back to late spring four years earlier. Louise had written her, asking if she could come for the birth of her and Jimmy's second child. She was due late May and had been having a hard time with the pregnancy. Hope had only been four at the time. Rachel remembered with great sorrow all the pain that Louise had went through during a long labor of two days, only to lose the baby and a day later her own life. Jimmy had been devastated with the loss of his true love and soul mate. For weeks he shut himself away, she had never seen him so despondent. He had refused to even look at Hope because each time he did, he had seen Louise and would breakdown in such heart wrenching sobs. Rachel had been so worried about him that she had asked Buck to come stay with him for a time, to make sure that he didn't do something unfortunate while he was grieving. Once he came to terms with Louise's death and the loss of the son that they had wanted so desperately, he realized that his daughter, who was confused on where her mommy was and why her daddy didn't hug and kiss her anymore, needed him. Rachel had seen through his façade. She had told him that if ever he needed to talk, that she was there and would be for both him and Hope. Over the last four years, there had been times, like tonight, when Rachel felt that Jimmy needed to talk and she was right. For shortly after finishing his coffee, he cleared his throat and began reminiscing. "Our son would be four next week. Can you believe that? Louise had been so excited about the baby. She was so sure that it would be a boy." His voice trembled as he continued, "I can't believe that she's been gone four years. Every time I ride up to the house, I still expect to see her come running out onto the porch to greet me with kisses. At night, I wake up and turn to hold her and she's not there. Oh, Rachel...it hurts so bad. Will it ever stop?" The tears ran freely down his face as he looked over at Rachel. Rachel had started crying also and had a hard time speaking. "Oh, Jimmy. I wish I could tell you that the hurt will go away, but when you have a love like you and Louise shared, you don't get over something like that...I think with time, the pain will lessen, but it will never completely go away." She reached over to him and put her hand on his in comfort. "What you two shared, it doesn't happen everyday. Some people search their whole lives and never find it. You were blessed, even if it was for a short time, with something so special. Upstairs in bed is proof of that love. For your daughter's sake, you will get through this Jimmy." He sighed as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "If it weren't for you, Hope and Buck, I don't think I would have made it this far Rachel. The pain in my heart is so unbearable at times that I don't think I can go on. Loving Louise was the best thing that ever happened to me and losing her is the worst. I wanted to die with her Rachel. I wanted to so much, but I knew she would disapprove, that she would want me to go on and take care of Hope." They sat in silence once more lost in their own thoughts until Jimmy stood up. "I'd best be getting to sleep. I told Hope that I was going to take a day off tomorrow so that we could spend some time together. I have a feeling that she's going to be up with the sun. She's just like her momma that way isn't she? Lou would get up early to watch the sun rise on the bunkhouse steps. So many mornings I'd find her out there. Hope loves to watch it too." "Goodnight Jimmy." As he went through the front door, he stopped and turned back towards the woman on the swing. "Thank you Rachel, for all you do for Hope and me. And for Louise too. I know she would be happy that you're here with us." Before she could reply, he went inside and closed the door. *~*~*~*~* Turning in bed, Jimmy reached his arm out, like he did every night to where Louise used to sleep. Sometimes he would swear he could feel her there with him, but tonight all he felt was lonesome. Closing his eyes, he tried to keep the tears from coming again and sent up a prayer to her. "Please help me go on Lou, for Hope's sake. The only thing that gives me hope is that I'll see you again someday. Goodnight my love..." Email Lisa L. HOME