I know that you wouldn’t want me mournin’ you, but I can’t live without you here by my side. Sleep doesn’t come easy anymore. I lay awake at night rememberin’ every moment we shared.

I can’t close my eyes without seein’ your smile or your eyes that could see into my soul…

Lou laid the bouquet of wild flowers on her husband’s grave as she sat next to the headstone. She absently traced a finger over his name as she was consumed with thoughts of him.

I remember our first kiss. You were so unsure of yourself back then and I was tired of waitin’ on you that I caught you unaware in the barn when you returned from a run. The surprise in your eyes as I put my arms around your neck and drew your lips down to mine is one that will be with me for the rest of my life.

I don’t think you could have been prouder of becoming Ellie’s father when you adopted her then if she had been your natural daughter. The two of you always had such a special bond. She misses you so much. I hear her crying in her room late at night.

Remember the day Hunter James was born? Of course you do. I never thought to see the day when Jimmy Hickok was brought too tears but as you held that tiny baby in your big hands, tears fell freely from your face with such love that my heart just about burst.

Jimmy, I know you didn’t want to leave me and I don’t blame you for dyin’ on me. It wasn’t suppose to happen this way. We were supposed to have a long life together, to grow old together. My life is in ruins and I don’t know what to do…my best friend is gone.

I’m just a shell of the person I once was now that your not here with me. You were my whole life Jimmy. I can’t find a reason to go on anymore. But I must for our son’s sake. He asks when you’re coming home all the time. It breaks my heart because he can’t understand that his daddy’s gone for good. He cries for you at bedtime. He wants his daddy to tell him stories about our Pony Express days. I try my best, but he says my stories are as good as daddy’s.

Hunter will grow up hearing every story and memory that Ellie and I can tell him about you. You will continue to live in our hearts and in our minds.

Oh, God! Why did you have to take Jimmy from us? He was a good man and he deserved better from you. We deserved better from you…

A feeling of melancholy settled over Lou as she paused to say a prayer over Jimmy’s grave before heading back to her son, who was the spitting image of his father and a constant reminder of the man she loved so deeply.

Email Lisa L.

HOME