Oh, Jimmy! I miss you so much… Lou cried as she knelt beside the headstone marking the grave of her friend, lover and soul mate. She cried silently for a few moments before resting her head against the cold stone. One hand absently caressed the writing on it as she became consumed with thoughts of him. She recalled their first kiss. It was so unexpected and so full of passion and longing that it made her ache to feel his lips on hers once more. They had been taking Elias Mills to his hanging when it occurred. She could remember it just like it was yesterday. She could smell the smoke of their fire and hear the cicadas in the night air. Jimmy had taken her by surprise when he grabbed her and kissed her with such an intensity, ending way too soon for her liking. A smile crossed her face; her fingers touched her lips as if she could still feel the heat from his kiss lingering there. A hawk caught her attention as it dived in a field nearby after some unseen prey. It reminded her of how Jimmy’s life was full of danger. He never knew when someone would come out of the blue, gunning for him, hoping to make a name for themselves by killing “Wild Bill.” How many times did he argue with her that life with him would be too dangerous, that he was afraid that someone would come after her if she remained with him. Oh how you tried to talk me out of going with you when the Pony Express ended! But I prevailed. Love conquers all, doesn’t it Jimmy? Lou looked down at the ring on her hand that Jimmy had given her when they finally decided to tie the knot. They were in some little town out in Wyoming at the time, when he came rushing in full of excitement. Lou had never seen him so happy and nervous as he was at that moment. Opening his hand, he held out the ring and looked into her eyes, asking if she would be his wife. I was so speechless, all I could do is nod ‘Yes.’ A dreamy look crossed over her face as she thought about their wedding. It was a quiet affair, only the two of them, with Jimmy’s friend Charlie Utter as a witness, and the minister. It may not have been fancy, but it was a dream come true for Lou and she wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. A sadness came over her again as she turned to look at the headstone. “I just don’t know how I can go on without you Jimmy…” she whispered. “I don’t know if I can raise our son by myself…” Another tear rolled silently down her tear-stained cheek as she thought of their son growing up without his father. She wished so much that the boy had been old enough to form lasting memories of the man who was his father. No one ever expected you to be the totally devoted father that you were. From the very first, you were wrapped around Noah’s little finger. I never saw a man so happy to help out changin’ and feedin’ a baby as you were. Any little thing that needed to be done, you were more than willin’ to help out. Even Teaspoon couldn’t believe his eyes when he visited us last spring. Settling against the stone she remembered the day he offered to take the baby into town with him. He was so proud carrying little Noah around and showing him off to the townsfolk. Everyone could see the love radiating from his eyes as he introduced all to his son. “That was only a few weeks ago…” Lou said to herself out loud. “If we’d only known that time was running out…” Lou started sobbing as she lay her head down upon her arms over the mound where he lay. Oh, Jimmy. If only you didn’t go to play poker that day! You’d still be here with me, you’d be here with Noah. I wouldn’t be missin’ you like I am! Why did you sit with your back in the open? You always told me you sat against the wall so no one could sneak up behind you. Why? Her hand brushed through the grass beneath her cheek, as if she were touching him once more. It felt so good to be there with him. Talking to him, here in this quiet place made her feel closer to him. With a sigh, Lou confessed, “I can’t sleep at night without you next to me. I lie waiting for you to come home even though I know you won’t. I hardly eat and I can see the concern in Rachel’s and Buck’s eyes as they watch me. They insisted on staying after your funeral. I’m grateful, because it gives me time with you like this and someone to watch over Noah.” Sitting up, Lou brushed bits of grass from her clothing and looked back at the headstone. She laid a hand upon the ground as she murmured,” I love you Jimmy Hickok. I’ll be back tomorrow and each day after that ‘cause I’ll never stop lovin’ or missin’ you…” Email Lisa L. HOME