*Dialogue borrowed from the episode: Requiem for a Hero, Part II
The room had been quiet ever since they'd finished dancing. Louise was sitting up on the bed, clutching the sheet around her, not sure what to say.
Kid could tell that things had definitely changed between the two of them and it wasn't just that they'd finally danced either.
*You okay, Lou?" He asked looking at her with some concern.
*I don't know," she said in a quiet voice.
*A coupla hours ago, the most important thing on my mind was getting' on with what we've been puttin' off for so long."
Smiling Lou looked at him from under her eyelashes. *Me too."
They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Kid spoke again. *Seems like endin' all the waitin' was more important to us than the reason we wanted to end it," he told her feeling somewhat guilty over what they'd done.
Taking a deep breath, she asked, *Do you think we made a mistake?"
The question was not one he'd been expecting. He'd wanted Lou for so long now that the pain of that need had grown so strong he could hardly stand it any more. Thing was, it hadn't been like he'd thought it would be. How could he admit to her that having made love to her hadn't set off the 'fireworks' that Teaspoon and the other boys all talked about? In fact, he'd kind of felt let down after they were all through.
Embarrassed for such thoughts, seeing how Lou and he'd just done something that was supposed to be special, a gift to each other, his face turned a bright shade of red.
"Well?" came a tension filled voice startling him out of his thoughts.
Looking into her eyes, he knew he couldn't lie. Not to Lou, the one person who'd become so important in his life.
"Yeah….I think we did."
He was surprised to see relief wash over her instead of Lou exploding at his words.
"So do I," she admitted, glad that he felt the same way. She'd never had anyone love her the way Kid had just done and her only other experience with a man had been years before and it had been forced. It was just that after talking to Rachel to see if she and Kid were ready for this step, Lou had realized how special making love was, the giving of your body and soul in a way that was only for that person. Rachel had told her how wonderful and awakening the experience could be and she hadn't felt that when she and Kid had given themselves to each other.
"Do you think it's just because it was our first time?" she wondered, not sure if her lack of experience could be her problem.
With a wry grin, Kid shook his head. "No, I don't' think that's it Lou." He didn't want to go on to explain that even the first time with someone could be explosive. Even with someone you didn't care about.
If he were to say such a thing, Lou would demand to know how he knew that and he wasn't about to tell her of his visits with some of the saloon girls in other towns. That kind of business was nothing she needed to know.
"Maybe we should have waited," he said, trying to make the situation a little easier on both of them. "I shouldn't have rushed you..."
Lou's head flew up and she looked at him. "You didn't rush me Kid. I wanted to do this just as much as you did. But you're right; maybe we should have taken more time. Let our feelin's grow for each other until we were sure what it is we were feelin'."
She knew she'd cared deeply for the young man and he'd made her blood rush through her when he'd touch her, but now, something didn't feel the same. She wanted what she'd heard other girls talking about. She still had dreams of finding a man who'd make all her dreams come true but she didn't think that man would be Kid any longer.
Kid was having similar thoughts of his own. He'd thought he'd been falling in love with the female rider over the last few months but now that they'd 'danced' something felt wrong to him. Watching her sitting on the bed next to him, Kid realized that he didn't feel much of anything for her. Sure she was still the pretty young woman whom he'd been wanting, but now, after having been with her, he knew deep in his heart that it wasn't something that was going to last.
Sure, they could pretend and carrying on for a while but he knew that they didn't have a future together. At least not a life long one. He hoped they'd still remain friends but Kid knew that they weren't meant to continue on as lovers.
"It's late. Why don't we try to get some sleep and we can make an early start in the mornin'," Kid suggested pulling his longjohn bottoms on.
Taking the nightgown that he handed her, Lou quickly slid it over her head. With a quiet, "Night Kid," she lay down on her side and closed her eyes.
Blowing out the lamp on the tableside, Kid sat down on the edge of the bed and than lay down, staring into the darkness. "Night Lou," he whispered knowing she was still awake.
As sleep started to take him over, Kid knew that even though things hadn't turned out the way they'd thought it would, he was glad that they'd danced because if they hadn't they'd always have regrets and wonder 'what if…"