Jimmy sat in the crowded saloon, not paying attention to the other patrons around him when a hand clamped down on his shoulder, startling him out of his memories. “Hey there handsome,” a satiny voice says off to his left. He didn’t bother looking at the speaker, recognizing one of the saloon girls who’s company he’d partaken of several times while in town. When he refused to acknowledge her, the woman drifted off looking for another customer, which suited him just fine tonight.

‘There’s only one woman I want tonight and she’s not here…’ Jimmy admitted to himself, like he had every other night he’d wanted her. Every other memory was of her. He could see her in his mind like it was yesterday, all beautiful and brown eyed, so full of life.

Looking around him at the women in the room, he couldn’t help but wish one of them were her…

A letter in the mail that I come home to I wish it was you When I see two people on the street Touchin’ like they don’t care who sees Laughin’ the way we used to do I wish it was me and I wish it was you

A letter awaited him when he returned to his room over at the hotel. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed the return address, Sweetwater, making him hope against hope that it was from her. Tearing open the envelope, his hope turned to despair as he read the name at the bottom of the page. It was from Rachel, not Lou.

He heard laughter drifting through the open window from down on the street below. As he went to close the window, a couple, walking arm in arm, oblivious to those around them as they laughed and kissed, caught his attention. So in love, that was apparent even from where he stood. Watching them made the ache deep in his soul return to haunt him, wishing it was she there with him, laughing and loving like they did once, years ago…

As the couple disappeared down the street and out of view, Jimmy slowly let the lace-curtain fall back into place lost once again in memories of her.

Closing his eyes, Jimmy could hear her voice whispering to him, telling him that she loved him.

‘Oh to hear those words just one more time,’ he wished, thinking back to the times she had said them.

The first had been that night in Willow Creek, when she wore that blue dress. His world had changed that night, with her dancing in his arms.

The next time she’d said those words were after Elias Mill’s hanging. She’d been dwelling on the kiss they’d shared and had come to him one night, declaring her love for him, but he thought he’d known better back then, that what she felt wasn’t love.

Now he wasn’t so sure.

The last time was the hardest to think about for him. His heart ached and his mind told him what a fool he’d been. As he escorted Lou to the church to marry Kid, Lou had turned to him, with a look that said she wasn’t sure of what she was about to do. Jimmy had patted her hand and told her everything would be all right. Lou smiled shakily at him, gathering him in her embrace and kissing his mouth gently, whispering, “I love you Jimmy Hickok and don’t you ever forget that…”

Looking back, he thought that maybe she really had been telling him she loved him as more than a friend. Could he have stopped her from marrying Kid by telling her how he really felt?

And I wish it was you Telling me you’d be back someday And I don’t have to feel this way I wish it was you, I wish it was you…

How many nights had he lost himself in a bottle, wishing he could go back and do things differently this time? Silent tears coursed down his roughened face as he spoke out loud, “I wish it was you, I wish it was me…”

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